SCP-5201 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5201.

.au Kenoma

Kenoma 06 Mar 2020 05:07

Thoughts

This was originally just about a generic SCP-fied folklore monster from my country and it's just so damn hard to make it interesting on its own, so it ended up staying cold on my sandbox for almost 2 months straight.

It turns out, you don't have to restrict yourself to the SCP in order to make a satisfying SCP article…

Forum Threads

http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13106421/folklore-creature
http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12768184/philippine-folklore-based-scp

Feedback

Critique Thread:
F15H35
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Doorhandle
Leveritas
rioludoodle

Direct PM:
DrAkimoto

r/SCPDeclassified Discord:
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swordlover87

Uncontained Discord:
Lydiens

Image source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Manananggal.jpg (under the Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication)

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𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.

Last edited on 06 Mar 2020 05:40 by Kenoma Show more

Rigen 06 Mar 2020 08:16

I'm honestly not a fan of the repeated use of "subhuman" in this article, especially when in the description there's better way of describing the object: "human subspecies". The word "subhuman" carries inherent pejorative connotation imo, and even if this is literal flying cannibal monster I find it unlikely that an official scientific document would use the word to describe it.

I also would argue against classifying it as subspecies of Homo sapiens. The morphological similarity is kinda diminished — the object's wings, lack of lower body and leg, etc make it seems less like a subspecies of Homo sapiens and more of an independent species entirely. Maybe even up to different order, since the wings are the defining feature of Chiroptera order. There's no mention of sexual cross-reproduction capability between normal human and this species; indeed, the species is mentioned as incapable of reproducing sexually, with its reproduction by consuming human subjects more reminiscent of tarantula hawks' parasitic larvae. Compare to relationship between Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo sapiens neanderthalis, for example, which resulted in neanderthalis gene existing in a significant portion of current sapiens population; signifying the fertility of their offsprings. This is another arguments against classifying this species as Homo sapiens since one of the requirements for classifying a species is capability to sexually produce fertile offspring.

Kenoma 09 Mar 2020 04:05

I'm honestly not a fan of the repeated use of "subhuman" in this article

What constitutes "repeated use" for you since I've only mentioned this 3 times, but other than that, I'm not particularly sure how I would react to your points here.

I also would argue against classifying it as subspecies of Homo sapiens

Do you probably have sources about this? I would love to read more about it for future articles that I would write.

Anyways, your opinions are strong and thanks for taking the time to read !

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𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.

cybersqyd 06 Mar 2020 10:21

I got a PM request to take a look in the draft stage and didn't have time to until now so this is my opportunity to be all 'hey I read this and my biggest issue was really just that this was dull'.

[+] Not quite a full crit but some long form thoughts

This is a wonderful world-building piece that really nicely sets out what the SCP is and how the Foundation's history works and the big problem is that that's all it really does? The note at the end could be a really good stinger but I zoned out well before that because this was just…really technical and really dry? There's lots of little bits that like, technically are pretty interesting developments (e.g, the unethical testing, the use of them as weapons) but it's all couched in such a dry, report-like format that reading through this is honestly a pain.

The worse example of this was:

SCP-5201 was the only known natural aphotic parthenogenetic mammalian species. SCP-5201 asexually reproduce between the 15th to 20th autotomic stage, during which the lower body regenerates its own upper torso via a process similar to epimorphic regeneration observed in autotomous lizards.

Like, it features so much technical language, and three different footnotes leading to even more technical language, and I just zone right out when I hit it. And at that point, you lost me as a reader :(

The choice to have this spanning a 400 year period here feels like a mistake? Like there's not really any meaningful growth implied between 1596 and 2019 since like, the Foundation seems to be a huge, globe spanning organisation with unlimited supplies in both cases; but like, the knowledge of the SCP doesn't increase or anything between the two points either?

At a fundamental level: there doesn't feel like there's actually a story here? It feels like a random collection of guff about the SCP and that doesn't interest me personally. And basically all of this and also the stuff Rigen mentioned led to me -1 this.

Kenoma 09 Mar 2020 04:10

Like, it features so much technical language, and three different footnotes leading to even more technical language, and I just zone right out when I hit it. And at that point, you lost me as a reader :(

To be honest, this is my favorite part of this article! I've written this like 2 months ago and I barely changed it ever since. I guess I'm really just part of the minority that likes those technical gibberish :3

the knowledge of the SCP doesn't increase or anything between the two points either?

Very strong point! I would agree that this is a flaw and I should've taken the time to expand this part further.

there doesn't feel like there's actually a story here?

Basically, I want this to be a story about a "human species" driven to extinction and how the world reacted into it. But I guess this eneded up being…

It feels like a random collection of guff

just a random collection of stuff indeed.

Anyway, thanks for takin the time to read!! :D

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𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.

Quasibenevolence 17 Jun 2020 08:43

SCP-5201 was the only known natural aphotic

I don't believe "aphotic" is used correctly here.

Bolterpyre 20 Jun 2020 09:31

Mabuhay ka kapatid

I'm gonna +1 this because monsters.

RowanSkye 20 Aug 2020 09:34

It seems to be nice enough, although some eyes did makes my eyes glaze other. Homo sapiens designation seems to far fetched, though, in my opinion.

If, by chance, you also make the Tikbalang happen, please make it better. We have Maria Makiling and this now.

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Badaboom badabaa.