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Dentists are scary. That's all I need to say.
Also, I hope everyone enjoys it! (What's cool is that now I have three articles. I guess now I should write, like, an Author's Page? Eh, sounds like a lot of work.)
Mediocre? Perhaps. Mysterious? Probably. Hotel? Trivago.
Photo by Expect Best from Pexels
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By Сергей Васильков - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=47167984
DrAkimoto —> Fixed Conprocs and Description
Doctor Fullham —> General Thoughts/Clinical Tone
MalyceGraves —> General Thoughts/Clinical Tone
rioludoodle —> Forum crit
studyGT —> Forum crit
I
Don't know where
My teeth went
But I know I won't come back here
Another day
(sung in the tune of We'll meet again)
Easiest +1 ever. New favorite horror article.
Those lyrics are awful (in a very good way).
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed!
It was great in the draft forum and it's great here!
The gleeful horror really sticks with me. This one's going to be on my mind the next time that I'm at the dentist.
+1
Sadly, I'm not a big fan of this, personally. That isn't to say that I dislike some of the ideas presented in this SCP (I like the idea of dentists that are driven away by candy bars, almost like vampires and crosses), and I like dental horror, but there's too many problems to give the upvote.
There's a couple of, while not nonclinical, oddly phrased sentences in here. Some examples include
Due to the nature and physical structure of SCP-5150, the designation of Provisional Site 334 is approved as its dedicated containment facility.
The use of "is approved" here conveys to me that this site has just been established, yet the site already has a director, research head, and assigned task force, as if it has existed for some time. A more simpler way of stating this, methinks, would be "SCP-5150 is contained via Provisional Site 334." Shorter is better.
More research is required to understand how SCP-5150-3's anomalous abilities truly manifest, as all attempts at fully recording or analyzing SCP-5150-3 has failed.
I don't quite get the point of this line, or at least its position in the Description. I think it'd be better suited in the ConProcs as a research objective, something like "Current research focus is to ascertain the cause of SCP-5150-3's anomalous abilities." As it stands, it just distracts from the real content.
SCP-5150's interior does not express anomalous behavior.
Another line that is unnecessary. If nothing anomalous is described on SCP-5150's interior, then it doesn't need to be spelled out that nothing is anomalous about it. Just describe what is, not what isn't.
Overall, there are problems with using to many words when fewer would do the trick, and unnecessary lines altogether. Also, I don't care much for the footnotes. They don't really add anything to the article or help my understanding of it.
My biggest complaint is the exploration log, specifically D-457142. They're a very basic, stereotypical D-Class, with nothing for me to really get invested in or anything that's new and interesting. The use of "Doc" in the article is what sealed it for me. Their boring personality makes the exploration log a boring read, given he's the star of most of it. Since the log is most of the article, it makes for a boring article, altogether.
I also feel that the D-Class is very unrealistic here. Based on the "Yeah, like I'd believe that." line, I'd assume that the D-Class has no clue about the larger Foundation, and thus thinks they're in some government controlled experiment. Yet, they just keep going along, occasionally remarking how something is "fucked", or another stereotypical D-Class phrase. Even after their teeth get pulled out at the receptionist, they just go along with whatever Control tells them to do. Wouldn't they just stay put and not go in? They've already had their teeth pulled out, I doubt they'd want to do anything else anyone in that office tells them to do. All in all, it feels rather inconsistent.
The ending isn't that impactful for me, either. I get what you're trying to do, but it doesn't feel earned, given the log is boring and I'm not attached to the Dentist's Office. Instead of building dread for a suspenseful finish, it doesn't leave me with anything.
My favorite part of the article are the hooks in the ConProcs, what with the teeth and the sugar. It's a good set-up, but overall I didn't like the finish. I'd revise the D-Class' dialogue and revise sentences that're worded weirdly to be shorter and more direct. As of now, -1
Mm Mm Good
I'll get right on fixing those things. Thank you for your time!
EDIT: The changes have been made. Hopefully, that helps?
Hmm. I liked the visceral image of someone's teeth being screwed up, and I personally have a fear of dentists, especially after going through extraction and a subsequent root canal, since I didn't brush my teeth properly. The process through which the patient goes through upon entering the dentist clinic made me feel uneasy (in a good way). Good work.
Much appreciated, DrUnoriginal does not match any existing user name! I'm glad you enjoyed.
I now fear for my life and have a fear of dentists.
+1.
From: Galactic25
Late critique~! Sorry about that. Life, amirite?
Containment procedures are intriguing.
SCP-5150-1's anomalous attributes manifest once it is in possession of human teeth. Once this task is complete, SCP-5150-1 will insert these teeth into its mouth.
That's… an anomalous effect? Just, putting teeth in its mouth? Is that actually anomalous?
For an inexperienced D-Class, he seems to accept the fate of this appointment pretty quick after getting his teeth torn out. Like, wow. No more resistance? What a baller. And I mean that in, "I really doubt anyone would act that way".
It has been assumed that this was a byproduct of it's exposure to sugar.
This line is unnecessary and interrupts flow. I say cut it.
The use of nitrous oxide was not reported, however, plausible in this circumstance as the subject remained conscious throughout the operation.
This is missing some words and should be two sentences. I would make the comma after "however" into a semicolon, and say "it is plausible", not just "plausible".
Finished, this is an upvote though not a strong one. I think your description spoils too much of what happens — it could be confined to "SCP-5150 is a dentist's office that contains several anomalous entities that conspire to perform dental procedures on subjects that enter the building, typically with the result of the subject developing hyperdontia". Not as short as I just wrote it, but that should be about the amount of information you get across. Then your log can take readers by a lot more of a surprise. Also, I feel like the candy bar thing is fun but not implemented in a fluid way. It might have been better for the candy bar to have been a "flub" — unplanned thing that just happened to show up in this D-Class's exploration of the building. Maybe he had it on him… somehow. Or, it was a lollipop from the front desk — know how doctor's offices give kids lollipops? I dunno, something like that.
But it was a good little creepy thing, and that's about all it had to be, so +1.
this is giving me slight Smile For Me vibes
pastarasta1 is quick-talking and often scheming
I looked up all those fancy dental words on google images and now I won't be able to sleep. Thanks.
+1
This has been an official Lucky Co. post
The only thing I dislike is the insinuation that D-class personnel are unaware of what the foundation is but quality post +1
(account deleted)
