SCP-4421 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4421.

Author Post

MalyceGraves 05 Feb 2020 02:29

Another entry into the growing catalogue of La Rue Macabre things.

I know that Legba's dialect is weird. There are SPaG errors in his speech patterns that are intentional because that is how he speaks. Please stop trying to correct it.

A huge thank you to my critters: Oboebandgeek99, RockTeethMothEyes, & plaidypus

Attribution Info

Veve Legba symbol
Legba's Cane
O5 Administration symbol is a product of the SCP Wiki and is already CC compliant.
La Rue Macabre graphic is made by me, and the font itself is CC compliant
I used The Korean Armistice Agreement as a basic template for the first part of the agreement.
The 05 vote table was snagged from SCP-001-EX.

Last edited on 07 Feb 2020 15:54 by MalyceGraves Show more

thewalkindude 05 Feb 2020 03:02

Does this agreement disallow the Foundation's containment of Louisiana or New Orleans based anomalies?

MalyceGraves 05 Feb 2020 03:25

There is no canon.

In this story, it only applies to those that live in La Rue

Cerastes 05 Feb 2020 03:40

Of course, [DATA EXPUNGED].

I like the implication that the O5's name was shared with him. Makes it feel a little more friendly.

plaidypus 08 Feb 2020 00:18

You may be incorrect in assuming he was told.

Site Crit Team

ManyMeats 05 Feb 2020 15:03

This is generally good worldbuilding and I am falling on the side of +1'ing this, but I do want to caution you against ending articles on the note of a pretty flat agreement. I'd prefer something with at least some emotional appeal to kind of stamp the end.

As it stands right now, you have this off to a short exposition transcript, and then a written document that more or less ratifies the exposition. There are facts to take away here and that's cool for your later world-building, but as a standalone piece I feel this suffers for being your LOI/GOI introductory.

Rounderhouse 05 Feb 2020 15:03

I think the MTF dialogue drips over into overdramatic in a couple points. The writing is competent enough and while the anomaly description itself needs work its not too bad. Mostly I just find that this fell into the trap that a lot of articles about niche GoIs or canons or locations or what have you fall into, and one that I've fallen into a number of times. It just ends up leaning on its introduction of that group more than a freestanding story. It may have both, but its leaning on one.

BoomerTheStar47_2 06 Feb 2020 16:33

Well, that ending reminds me of an age-old quote on here:

The Foundation is cold, but NEVER cruel. Isn't that right, UIU? I SEE YOU WITH THOSE INDIVIDUAL EXISTENCE LAWS.

The idea of the Foundation playing nice like this is a compelling one, even if the object itself has less meaning in this one.

Very cool, MalyceGraves. +1

CookiesforBreakfast 07 Feb 2020 14:48

Good concept and execution, although there's one small thing that doesn't sit well with me.

…and the cover story Epsilon Omicron 6 ("Gas Explosion") was disseminated to the local press.

A gas explosion doesn't really cover the gunfire, IMO. Maybe a domestic terrorist attack?

Of course, there's always the option of dousing the civilians in amnestics.

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Please don't eat me, I'm unhealthy

RJB_R 22 Feb 2020 05:44

The mobile task force is definitely still littered with melodrama, and this ending is terrible. Not only does it totally suck any tension out of this piece but it means that one of the core pillars for why La Rue Macabre is extant is implausible and presented in a frankly uninteresting way.

It’s a shame because this cane is a really cool object with a lot of potential but this document is hijacked by poorly done exposition that completely steals the spotlight.

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!

Captain Kirby 25 Mar 2020 17:17

I think my main concern with the article is how much time it spends going over logistics and minutia of La Rue Macabre's agreement with the Foundation and how that agreement was started. Like, I understand that you are attempting to introduce this location, and tell the readers what the location is and why the Foundation just doesn't touch it, but the way that the story is presented feels very expository. There is a conflict but there is no struggle. There's no real overcoming of an obstacle for the arc of the story to feel satisfying.

If you want to write a story about LRM's fight for freedom, I'd want to see the struggle. Right now there are some calm conversations and a kind of bland note at the end to tidy everything up, when I think you'd want to see more pushback from both sides.

Honestly, what I think I would've like to see to this end is what would have happened if the Foundation just kept the stick for longer. I'd like to see the voodoo and swamp monsters become more than they could handle and have to admit defeat. Right now the two parties involved don't struggle enough against each other for us to see any sort of character development, and I lose investment in the story because without struggle, the conflict does not feel convincing.

rockemsockem 13 Jul 2020 01:54

I agree that it would have been fun to see the denizens of LRM slowly become too much for the Foundation but requiring that level of struggle may be overly restrictive when building a setting, especially this one. We should keep in mind that this is mostly just setting the table and that it's not unreasonable for the Foundation to view a "LRM autonomy for SCP" exchange as favorable. Especially in comparison to what the alternative might be. In my head cannon that sort of thing has happened to the Foundation before; they try to contain a large, anomaly rich area only to realize it's not cost effective at best and a ticking time bomb at worst. Maybe the O5 council is remembering past events when Legba offers to solve their LRM problem. Maybe they think that with Beta-2 involved they can keep an eye on things while always having the option of swooping in and turning LRM into a full blown site. The subtext alone here makes me interested.

Besides, this direction is a good immediate setup for interesting entries. Just think of the Hamsterdam storyline in the Wire with anomalies involved. An entry on rougarou would be fun with the hook being how LRM handles a group of hunters coming in after dangerous prey.

missing links

Mild Iron 06 Apr 2020 03:56

hey you're missing the link to 4420 and 4422