SCP-4921 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4921.

SCP-4921 Discussion thread

snuggly face 02 Feb 2020 11:50

Hi! this here is my first SCP.

I'd like to thank everyone who helped me write this baby in the draft thread and in the idea thread.

(the picture is my doing)

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thank you the reading and have the best day

RJB_R 02 Feb 2020 14:00

This just feels gratuitous to me. We get to the list of requests and from there the article repeats itself on how miserable our reading makes her. It’s an interesting concept that doesn’t evolve past its original premise.

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!

aismallard 03 Feb 2020 16:57

Agreed. The real core here are the interview and request log; the rest is mostly style.

Given the concept (person who hurts when they're being read about) it could be a compelling piece about social anxiety or similar, but as it is now it had little impact on me.

snuggly face 03 Nov 2021 19:26

It isn't so much about social enxiety, its about social invisibility.

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thank you the reading and have the best day

Nomad_00 02 Feb 2020 21:30

extreamly good, i would love to see this expanded

Wait, this WAS your first?

BoomerTheStar47_2 03 Feb 2020 17:20

Honestly, that opening section caught my attention to the point where I didn't even believe this was from a first timer at all! Well done!

Now, I'll still offer some crit. Here goes:

+ show block

It seems that the initial "show article" bit is broken. The article still reveals itself even if the collapsible is never clicked. If needed, you can try using an offset page that's pulled up when you click on the link, which will replace the collapsible. Just a suggestion.

Keep reading. Concentrate. Meri is still contained.
I understand that by accessing this file, I am causing Meri pain. I apologize.

Inside the snippet…

SCP-4921 interrupts Dr. Hiu.

Fine. If you really want to know, it's like this:

SCP-4921 interrupts Dr. Hiu again.
It's like I'm drowning in other people's thoughts, and suffocating. I didn't breathe for like three years, I got that headache that keeps ringing in my ears, my sinuses feel like they're filled with molten iron, and my tongue feels like it's exploding. I hate this sh…
Dr. Hiu interrupts SCP-4921.
I think that's quite enough elaboration, SCP-4921.

Dr. Hiu's phone rings.
Excuse me, it's a timer. We'll need to pause the interview.
No, it's fine. I need a break.

OK, Finished. Where were we?

Note: I'd personally revise this to "So, let's continue our interview. Where were we?"

That, I cannot tell you. Let's move on. You've asked to speak with the project head, but I will be the closest person available to you, so tell me what you wanted to tell them.

In the requests…

SCP-4921 requested personnel to "stop reading" this document: DENIED [407]

"Stop reading" is an objective phrase. Quotes aren't needed.

Addendums are typically named after the anomaly in question, then the identifier (in your case, the date). Try "Addendum 4921-01/05/2019."

Why are the dates in a different font? You can just use the default one in my opinion. Despite being administered an additional 5mg of hydrocodone, SCP-4921 continues to experience pain.

Personally, SCP-4921-1 should be mentioned in the ConProc and the Description. It may mess with the order a little bit, but I'm certain you can make it work. You've gotten an article to this point; keep going!

Same thing with "Addendum 03/02/20" as "Addendum 4921-03/02/20."

Other than this, you have a genuinely successful article. Wear this page like a badge of pride; you've earned it.
+1.

(account deleted) 04 Feb 2020 01:52

Some of the sentences in the article were a bit clunky, but I liked the whole

I know I am causing Mari pain

Bit
Also please existing my lack of proper quoting I am on mobile and it’s hard to type very well so excuse any spelling or grammatical errors, not used to a small screen, plus 1

Last edited on 04 Feb 2020 01:54 by (account deleted) Show more

Christopoulos 22 Feb 2020 00:35

Hesitant +1.

It's a good concept and a decent use of the terminal mic checkboxes seen in 2316, but the article goes on about how much pain she's put through ad nauseam.

Quasibenevolence 27 Feb 2020 10:28

I don't see why the researchers wouldn't create several dummy files addressing both the subject, SCP-4921, and other subjects, and such that the subject is a series of fictional persons with deliberate differences from SCP-4921, such that the subject is only referred to as part of a larger whole and indirectly. In addition, when the anomaly presented itself would be a very important concept here, since it's ridiculous to think that a human could make it to adulthood if their brain started melting whenever someone read something specifically about themself. Tracking down the trigger for all this would be essential. I get that the point is that it's weird, and it's an egaging premise, but the responses from the researchers aren't appropriate.

snuggly face 03 Nov 2021 19:21

The major point of the piece is that exactly, the foundation failed this one, they screwd it up and its because they haven't respected the anomaly's wishes. The idea is that she is hurt by being perceived but she died because she was ignored.
Also plenty of people don't get perceived, and in my headcannon she became this way at some point, like, became allergic to perception

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thank you the reading and have the best day

Last edited on 03 Nov 2021 19:23 by snuggly face Show more

Maxyfran73 27 Sep 2021 05:34

I may be misunderstanding something, but why would they keep watching/writing a document about an anomaly that is injured if you read about it? I understand the idea here, but I feel like the justification behind this piece is the message itself, instead of making it feel more natural. Feels like this was written just to get the idea of 'if you read she gets hurt so please stop reading' instead of having a stronger pull on it. As such, after reading it you're like… Why? The Foundation could be doing better things, much more efficiently. Like, if she's requesting stuff so much, there is a point to be made in that they could definitely do something better about this situation. All things considered, with how she is, the psyche evaluation also feels pointless.

Overall, there is a nifty idea here but the execution leaves too many questions that, if you ask them, the whole piece falls apart. -1