SCP-5931 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5931.

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Hydrails-EPSILON 20 Jan 2020 02:52

"No one, nobody shot me"
- Frank Gusenberg, one of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre's Killed
Based on History. com's description of that bloody event in gangland history

So this is my first SCP, and coincidentally, also my first attempt at a contest.

So this SCP was born out of a recent interest I had lately in the Mafia, having discovered the wonderful world of hits and betrayal and corruption and intimidation of the democratic and justice system of America. And I thought, "What if someone could change that, kill all of the 'Great People' of mob history?"

There were other ideas I had for my 5000: the personification of fate, and an unveiling of a conspiracy inspired by the murder of Italian banker Roberto Calvi and Propaganda Due. Ultimately, I decided to choose this to be my 5000.

It took some time, but I am proud of it. I want to thank TheGreatHippo for getting me started; Rex_alces, Sebarus (helped to suggest a better way for me to reword the chase, I used his exact suggested "phrase"), and psychicProgrammer on Discord for critting this, aismallard for helping me with the technical stuff, and pastarasta1 for encouragements. Without them, I could not have gotten this SCP done (especially when it came to the technical part). EDIT: And also 「またつまらぬ物を斬ってしまった」, for providing me an image of the Colt Official Pistol to replace my old bad one.

EDIT: Oh yeah, how could I have forgot? I would especially like to thank GreatHippo for giving me the idea of the bullets being displaced into brains instead of just bullet holes appearing on victims and the final twist; and Sebarus for giving me the idea of putting in the journal entry to flesh out Leonard DiFortune more (I also used it to imply the consequences of his actions, and why the report it ended the way it did)

EDIT: Oh dearie me, how could I have forgotten the image attribution -
Stephen Z, Flickr - ~Steve Z~ - Colt Official Police .22lr circa 1938 (4), CC BY-SA 2.0

EDIT:
Should have done this earlier, but… here are the citations for the sources I did for my research:
“Lucky Luciano.” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia., 6 Mar. 2020, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucky_Luciano.
“Carlo Gambino.” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia., 21 Mar. 2020, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlo_Gambino.
“Joseph Bonanno.” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia., 22 Mar. 2020, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Bonanno.
“Albert Anastasia” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia., 30 Mar. 2020, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Anastasia.
“Frank Costello” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia., 25 Mar. 2020, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Costello.
"Joe Masseria" Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia., 30 Mar. 2020
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Masseria.
"Salvatore Maranzano" Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia., 23 Jan. 2020
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvatore_Maranzano.
"Owney Madden" Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia., 10 Dec. 2019
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Owney_Madden.
"Colt Official Police" Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia., 11 Feb. 2020
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colt_Official_Police
"Irish Mob" Wikiepdia, The Free Encyclopedia., 3 Apr. 2020
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_Mob
Find a Grave, database and images (https://www.findagrave.com : accessed 31 March 2020), memorial page for Frank Costello (26 Jan 1891–18 Feb 1973), Find a Grave Memorial no. 236, citing Saint Michael's Cemetery, East Elmhurst, Queens County, New York, USA ; Maintained by Find A Grave .
History.com Editors. “The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.” A&E Television Networks, 27 July 2019, https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/the-st-valentines-day-massacre.

EDIT:

Per advice from this article (https://www.writersdigest.com/writing-articles/by-writing-genre/poetry/how-to-draw-influence-from-other-writers-without-plagiarizing-6-tips-to-avoid-an-ailey-otoole-situation), I have decided to list my inspirations that I am clear on:

SCP-3272 - It's Rainin' Men, HALLELUJAH! by TheMightyMcB
SCP-4182 - There is no Site-5 by TheGreatHippo

Might have subconsciously inspired me:
SCP-3797 The Once and Future Gun by stormbreath

EDIT:
Robert DiFortune's name is a pun, Robert being a pun on "robber" and DiFortune being a comment on probably most mobster's aspirations (plus power)

Leonard's first name is a pun on "Lend" (Leonard can be shortened into Len)

EDIT: Forget about it…

EDIT:

Changed Robert and Leonard's surname to one that is an actual Italian surname, and not whatever DiFortune was. I'm sorry for this.

EDIT:

Oh yeah, citation for the name, sorry I forgot it

“Italian Translation Of ‘Of.’” Collins Online Dictionary, https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english-italian/of. Accessed 1 June 2021.

“Italian Translation Of ‘fortune.’” Collins Online Dictionary, https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english-italian/fortune. Accessed 1 June 2021.

Addition:
Agent Nascoto's name seems to be Italian for "hidden away".

EDIT: Chinese Translation! (http://scp-wiki-cn.wikidot.com/5000contestepsilonsyndrome)

EDIT: Oh yeah, probably shoud have mentioned this months go, but much thanks to

EDIT: Removed and replaced the words "pet psycho" because I now find the use of the word a perpetuation of the stigma of mental illness and violence (also going to a non-SCP character of mine that I feel was built too much on that)

Also removed Mad Hatter for that reason, used another of the nickname for Mr. Anastasia. New EDIT: I'm sorry for using these words that I now know better not to use.

And if the 5000 place this SCP does not take, here are the other slots I want to have:

5931 (reference to 1931, when Lucky Luciano arranged for the death of Masseria)

5230 (reference to 230 Park Avenue, where Maranzano was murdered by orders of Luciano)

5935 (Dutch Schultz gets bumped on 1935)

5957 (Albert Anastasia gets shot to death by assassins under the order of the ambitious Vito Genovese in 1957)

5962 (The year Lucky Luciano dies in real life)

Last edited on 01 Jun 2021 21:55 by Hydrails-EPSILON Show more

psul 20 Jan 2020 17:13

I was not massively sold on this, but that final line is great, and instantly converted me to an upvote. But you gotta hide it - stick it inside your collapsible (but outside the quote box) or something please! It's too good a line to be spoiled by reading it before one opens the collapsible.

Hydrails-EPSILON 19 Jun 2020 02:38

Rather late, but….

"I was not massively sold on this, but that final line is great, and instantly converted me to an upvote."

Don't thank me, thank Hippo for giving me that idea.

Skodamz 20 Jan 2020 18:28

The first page made me afraid at first, but i really liked that article, the concept is very cool. Not sure if it deserve the 5000 spot, but definitely deserve an upvote.

The only bad point is that after reading you want more. About how killing each future boss leader affected the timeline, about the search of DiFortune. I almost want to see him scouring the country to kill one by one the boss leader and researching their grave to create a better future. That said i don't think you should change your article for that.

+ show block

And nice little easter egg with the dead of one of DiFortune's ancestor/family. Did he kill him himself ? Did the guy who wanted Leonard dead did it after killing Leonard hoping to cancel his doing ? Or did he do it before, killing an unrelated alias ? Mystery…

Very nice work for a first article.

Last edited on 20 Jan 2020 18:32 by Skodamz Show more

Hydrails-EPSILON 08 Feb 2020 18:44

Spoilers

Robert Difortune was Leonard's uncle, who had killed his father many years ago but was acquitted due to the money (and muscle) of the Gambino family, of which he was associated with. Thus, Leonard had a hatred of organized crime.
Robert in fact was the first victim of this SCP, and upon learning of the property of the gun after finding his father alive and his journal bearing entries of a childhood he does not remember, Leonard decidees to use it to "rid New York of its underground elite.". 'Course, things do not always work out, and Leonard ends up having to kill many people. And the strong weather ain't a coincidence…

As for who shot Leonard? Well, that, I intend to leave open-ended. Nonetheless, I can offer two opinions:

1) The Irish mob exists in the future, and they have gone anomalous. Their biggest heist so far is when they stole a whole bunch of chrono-anomalous SCPs…
2) The Foundation, in desperation against the DEAD-CHRONOS event, has authorized the use of SCPs to avert the damaging of retrocausality without causing too much damage in the process…

Last edited on 19 Jun 2020 20:36 by Hydrails-EPSILON Show more

jjone 20 Jan 2020 21:35

This is a great concept with a superb finish. This will sound like a critique that has lost a lot of its meaning, given how often it's repeated on this site, but I have to say that I'm not particularly enthused by the journal entry, which reads like a convenient note-at-the-end explaining the core premise. On the one hand, it dispels the mystery surrounding the murders in a relatively uncompelling manner. On the other hand, it's well-written and alludes to some of the wider implications that DiFortune's actions have on reality. Ultimately, I don't really mind it because it's pretty understated and sets up the final line quite well.

adirtyshame 27 Jan 2020 22:25

the potential implications of the last paragraph of that journal are… interesting. O.o fun read imo, and not mind numbingly long despite an offset page (something that is more and more a positive aa I slog thru as many entries as possible before the final results are tallied). +1.

Heckspress 29 Jan 2020 14:15

i dig it but bad firearm terminology always irks me - idk how to edit offset articles but i'd recommend changing "when a bullet is inserted in the cartridge.." to "when any cartridge of any caliber is inserted into the chamber…"
otherwise +1

---

pepsi > coke, on God

Hydrails-EPSILON 29 Jan 2020 15:58

Thanks for telling me this.
Will make changes when I am allowed to.

adirtyshame 02 Feb 2020 19:48

just so you know, edits ARE permitted between posting & final result tallies this time around. :-)

Hydrails-EPSILON 08 Feb 2020 23:49

Something like this?
" Cartridges of any caliber inserted into its chamber will be converted into black .22 Long Rifle bullets "

TL333s 31 Jan 2020 01:19

This sadly didn't do anything for me, which is a shame. Between the setting of the time period and "gun what retroactively kills people", you've got the makings of a really unique article.

Hydrails-EPSILON 31 Jan 2020 02:00

I see. Thanks for reviewing.
What, in your opinion, could I do to make this article better?

TL333s 31 Jan 2020 02:05

Man, I dunno. Like I said, you've got all the makings there, the execution just didn't stick with me. Certainly a fair sight better than your average first skip, at least, so you can take that to the bank.

Dr Guardado 31 Jan 2020 22:29

I like it, it's short and to the point and manages to hang that mystery angle without being too vague. +1 from me!

abstruse 05 Feb 2020 02:57

Errors? In the table, the dates column, there are two instances of "1930", but all the rest are "1931". Possible error.

Hydrails-EPSILON 05 Feb 2020 05:09

Yes, that is an error.

Not sure if it is legal to correct them yet.

Modern_Erasmus 06 Feb 2020 04:00

I liked this throughout, and absolutely loved the final twist. The journal entry is a bit over expository, but still +1

Hydrails-EPSILON 08 Feb 2020 19:04

Hmmm....

the Chrono Gun Twist, or the Leonard-Gets-Shot-by-The-Future Twist?

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