(account deleted) 25 Jul 2015 09:42
I like the concept, though I'm not too sure it's been done before, as well as similar concepts. There's a fair bit of horror here though, having some dark unknown thing lurking in space.
+1
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(account deleted) 25 Jul 2015 09:42
Thank you. For me the main idea of this article is not the "all-consuming darkness", but the understanding of this fact: we see the space in it's distant past and we actually don't know what is realy going on at the present.
Although, there is an alternate way of viewing it: there is no "present" over there from the point of view of ourselves. A year ago a light year away is as present for us as it can be.
In short, "present" is an illusion.
SCP-2154 is to be contained in the [REDACTED] observatory situated in the secured area DN-633,
Since the procedures are cast as instructions to handle an SCP, it will be odd to redact the exact location of it (necessary information for those working on it). Since you have stated it is in a secured area, you can just say it is in said area OR you can state the name of the observatory.
Pros:
- The anomaly is simple, and I like how it is used to illustrate a greater anomaly. That said, it took me a few re-reads to get it in.
Cons:
- Redaction in the procedures are a significant no for me. Furthermore, the use of [DATA EXPUNGED] feels out of place since it is not built up enough to leave one to wonder towards an appropriate direction.
Verdict: Neutral vote
The use of [DATA EXPUNGED] in the Description is rather weak, but the implications of this combined with the horror of not actually being able to know what's currently going on in our universe due to the speed of light and all that equates to an upvote.
And if the whole world is crashing down… fall through space out of mind with me.
No-voting for now due to some problematic wording, but I really like the concept.
Particularly, the quantity of space objects observed through SCP-2154 in known space is 72% lower than it is assumed to be.
The problem here is that the convoluted phrasing creates a "Assumed by who, compared to what?" situation, and steals some of the impact that line should have. Something like
Specifically, 72% of all cataloged astronomical objects are not present in observations made through SCP-2154.
might be more like what you want.
…ötes I), Dr Spencer has offered to reclassify SCP-2154-A as a separate Keter-class object.
"Offered to" is more like "he'll do the paperwork if no one else feels like filling it out". I think what you want is
…ötes I), Dr Spencer has proposed reclassifying SCP-2154-A as a separate Keter-class object.
Lastly, anything in parenthesis in the current draft should probably be put into a footnote, which is standard site style for inserting an aside thought or clarification.
You properly caught and hooked me by the second paragraph of the description and completely lost me at the addendum. It was something mind-breakingly inexplicable and the last addendum explains it all away as "big friggin thing loafing around sucking up light"
Somewhat this. I don't think it gets particularly bad, but it is overexplained. Vagueness adds to something like this: you get that there's something wrong with it, and you leave just enough clues for the reader to figure it out.
Liked the fact that is a very simple object, and the idea of using it for presenting another anomaly is just great.
I personally would not have said what the space anomaly is, and just state the fact that it is growing. Leaving the reader to fill the blanks work better in cases like this.
Anyhow, +1
I like it. Strange space weirdness with no real explanation, but unnerving ramifications and a good sense of immersion.
However, I will not upvote something with as many awkward wording mistakes as this currently has. Please consider fixing the following:
SCP-2154 is an optical telescope situated in the observatory near [REDACTED], Canada
"the observatory" is awkward. "an observatory" would work better.
Virtually, this eliminates the limit factor of the speed of light
I'm not sure if it's incorrect, per se, but starting this sentence with "virtually" is clunky. I would recommend "This virtually eliminates the limit factor." Even better, I would drop "virtually" entirely because it seems that the telescope eliminates the limitations of the speed of light in this context entirely.
being compared to the modern scientific models
Drop the "the" here.
2. There is opaque matter that obstructs the view on a considerable number of space objects.
I would substitute "of" for "on"
Based on this, he concluded that in these areas, there is a cloud of matter (hereinafter SCP-2154-A) which absorbs light and therefore it is impossible to directly observe.
The second part of this sentence is clunky. I would rephrase it "Based on this, he concluded that in these areas, there is a cloud of matter (hereinafter SCP-2154-A) which absorbs light, making direct observation impossible."
Considering that in the last years,
"the last years" is awkward. Consider changing to "in recent years", or "in the past several years"
within 3.6 megaparsecs away from Earth
Change "away from" to "of"
Fair warning, I usually downvote immediately when I see this many issues in a finished piece. In the future, please try to run this by folks in the chat or on the forums before posting, because right now this is giving off the feel of something that's not really finished.
Thank you for the corrections! The text was originally written in Russian. The translation is bound to have some flaws.
Yay. I love astronomy. You had me at the picture!
Mmh. Is this thing actually eating up stars and galaxies? This is what I ultimately get… And if we didn't have SCP-2154, we wouldn't realize it? Creepy!
Just one thing to check:
in galaxies within 3.6 megaparsecs of Earth (footnote: The Large Magellanic Cloud, Boötes I)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Magellanic_Cloud: 50 kiloparsecs
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bo%C3%B6tes_I_(dwarf_galaxy): 60.4 kiloparsecs
Are you sure you have your distances right? Okay, I get the 'within', but both examples are much closer than 3.6 megaparsecs… roughly 65 times closer (3,600,000 / 55,000 average)!
Upvoting anyway, because the skip is interesting and thought-provoking, but perhaps you might want to check and change after the end of the contest…?
Actually, one big question I have:
Can the LMC be viewed from Canada? I thought it would be too far south. If so, you couldn't use SCP-2154 to view it.
Given the effects on Virgo Messier objects, you might be better off mentioning its effects on the Virgo Cluster (not to be confused with the Virgo Supercluster) instead. They're about 2.2 Mpc away, and so better suited to your earlier 3.6 Mpc estimate.
I am not sure how I feel about this one, the first anomaly merely being a conceit to set up the second feels forced.
The implications of FTL information are huge all by themselves, and this doesn't do anything with that other than reveal a very vague cosmic threat (which still won't bother us until long after we are extinct anyway; unless it is somehow also expanding faster than light, which isn't at all clear).
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page revision: 1, last edited: 02 Apr 2021 15:16
