SCP-5400 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5400.

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slashannemoo 15 Jan 2020 03:48

Reserved space for authorship commentary.

A collaboration between the most-kawaii German mahou-shoujo Dr Ore & Frau Sprinkel-Marchenhaft, aka slashannemoo.

Images used:

1. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:GTR-18_launch_Philippines_1984.JPEG
2. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:D-Wave_Two_512_qubit_Vesuvius_chip.jpg
3. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Military_helicopters_-_Maks2011.jpg
4. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mira_-_Blue_Gene_Q_at_Argonne_National_Laboratory.jpg
5. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:TrafficInBangkok.jpg
6. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Aero_Vodochody_L-29_Delfin_Beetle_Takeoff_03_TICO_13March2010_(14598749272).jpg
7. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pogorzelisko.jpeg
8. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Quantum_Computing;_Ion_Trapping_(5941055642).jpg

Feedback is greatly appreciated, especially if you have downvoted it; it helps making this and future articles better.

Numbers desired: 5100, 5200, 5300, 5400, 5555.

Last edited on 17 Jan 2020 22:20 by slashannemoo Show more

psul 15 Jan 2020 10:49

The story here, about a titanic global AI battle, is pretty good. It is let down by the prose, which reads to me as somewhat stilted in English, I'm afraid. The other issue is with how the story is told - essentially in a recap where the reader knows the outcome in advance, it's not as involving as direct testimony.

A really good version of this story (albeit perhaps in tale form) would have the whole thing as a log from the POV of the scratch MTF trying to break into Sentinel's location and disable it. They would hear snatches of communications from the Foundation AIs, other sites and the O5, but would be continually cut off. You'd have immediate action (getting through the physical infrastructure, the arrival of the gynoids etc), interaction with Sentinel (to give it personality, if you wished) and escalating tension in the same way as in the Incident report as currently drafted. You would also have a neat reversal of the usual log format (which are typically from the perspective of the Foundation, with limited information about the MTF's situation) - this could have full information about the MTF's actions, with limited snippets from the rest of the Foundation to show how important their mission is.

Dr Ore 17 Jan 2020 12:11

I think we managed to work around that issue now.

Nerzov 18 Jan 2020 04:56

I have two questions about submarine attack on Area-23

1) Was attack nuclear or not? I didn't find info about it.

2) Anti-ballistic missiles was delivered by Russian Branch or it was there as part of defences of Area-23?

Dr Ore 18 Jan 2020 11:01

1) The warheads were non-nuclear. I originally thought that would be clear if we simply leave out the term "nuclear" but that's a good call from your end, much appreciated. I specified it accordingly.

2) I like to think they are part of the Site. Given that the Russian Area-23 is a rather remote location, I assumed such defense mechanisms to be a must-have. Although I believe head-cannon can come into play regarding this question.

Dr Guardado 21 Jan 2020 17:13

I love the concept, ai war is pretty damn cool to say the least, but I think the story you're trying to tell might be better served in tale form. I found the logs to be bogged down, and in many moments I was just scrolling through trying to get to the end. Also there was a bit of personality lacking, i would have maybe liked the ais to communicate.

Other than that the concept is great, I feel you have a good idea that ties well into foundation lore and the use of said ais, so great job with that, either way, +1 for the effort!

Dr Grym 21 Jan 2020 18:38

Even if the concept of the rogue AI is kinda classic, this skip somehow makes it interesting. I liked how you guys put a lot of references to others branches components, even though it's not the main feature of the skip.

Maybe some more explanations on the whole quantum stuff would have been good for neophytes like me. The timeframe of the PLANCK event seems a little short compared to the whole fuckery happening during it. Seeing a slowly decaying Foundation could have been interesting. A stronger end could also have had more impact on the reader.

But in spite of these minors things, it's still a +1 for me. Good luck for the contest !

TL333s 25 Jan 2020 01:29

That first iteration is so damned long, and then you get to the end and there's more? That's not a good prize.

I have to admit, I didn't do more than skim, as the initial concept of "quantum computing makes AI go rogue" just sounded like standard sci-fi fearmongering. I was just not interested.

The Pighead 30 Jan 2020 13:49

The synopsis of the entire PLANK Incident is enough for me to upvote it. And plus, this is the first skip with in-universe involvement of all the Foundation Branches that I'd read.

Plus (yeah, another one), it's pretty cool to know new AIs. Don't get me wrong, the "old guard" AIs like Glacon, Alexandra and the others are super cool. But sometimes, seeing fresh blood (the whole "KIRA Team") is also cool and I wonder if AIs like KIRA, Novichok or DIVINA made cameos in other Tales.

tl;dr It was really good, +1 from me and apologies if this entire comment seems to be complete nonsense, I'm damn tired.

Last edited on 30 Jan 2020 13:49 by The Pighead Show more

Dr Ore 30 Jan 2020 17:14

I wonder if AIs like KIRA, Novichok or DIVINA made cameos in other Tales.

The "KIRA team" consists entirely of AIs established in their respective branches. Including the gynoids.

The Pighead 30 Jan 2020 20:16

Oh, in this case, it's excellent ! Maybe that a bit of a search in SCP-INT will help me to find some things…

Anyway, that really reinforce the "international" aspect of this skip, which is one of his best qualities.

weirdcraig 04 Feb 2020 16:32

No vote for now. Someone needs to go over this with a fine toothed comb and polish this thing up. It's not too noticeable until the timeline of events starts, but there's a lot of awkward sentence structure and incorrect grammar spread throughout this that keeps taking me out of the story. From the part that I've read, I think the story is there, but it needs to be rewritten with a bit more flow between sentences.

slashannemoo 06 Feb 2020 00:01

Hey, weird.

Thank you kindly for the feedback, likewise to everyone else that pointed ou the stilted grammar and weird sentence structure!

We'll be addressing those problems this weekend to clean and restructure the article to make it easier/better to read.

Last edited on 06 Feb 2020 00:07 by slashannemoo Show more

Photosynthetic 12 Feb 2020 18:19

The sheer mass of grammar, style, and usage errors threw me out of immersion about every five words. Sorry, guys, but this needs a lot of work.

This would also be too long to be enjoyable even if the prose weren't so stilted. As far as I can tell, the real meat of this story could be told in about a third of the skip's current length.

Downvote, but that *could* change.

Also:

Access the archived files to read the synopsis.

That link is broken.

Last edited on 12 Feb 2020 18:21 by Photosynthetic Show more

Narsil098 26 Feb 2020 14:25

Tl;dr. First part is waaay too long for something that is glorified "AI goes rogue" trope.

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