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SCP-4836 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4836.
Nice skip article man! The concept is really cute and it uses a bittersweet take on the loss of family members. Ryan as a character is also unique, and his development is spot on for the skip you're trying to make. You have my thumbs up! Hope to see your other things out soon!
Not really sure about this one. The test logs that track the exact parameters of the anomaly feel unnecessary, and a tad strangely formatted; the cells should probably have a bit more padding than they do now.
Also, well… everything in the narrative feels expected. A child's mother dies, and he's sad, and he's still sad by the end because he loves her. I'm not seeing any significant character development or a real statement on the trauma of losing a parent.
Maybe this just doesn't resonate with me because I'm not the audience. I don't know.
Thank you so much for the feedback! I have made some updates and hopefully they provide a more satisfying ending, and I fixed the table formatting.
First of all: how dare you.
Second: That was really cute. I think we need more SCPs that are about emotional connection instead of cosmic horror and monsters. I liked the inclusion of the journal entries; they helped turn Ryan into an actual character, and that in turn helped give the item more depth.
The testing log is a rough spot for me. I definitely see the need for it, and it explains the effects succinctly. But it also pulls me out of the emotional experience of the article. Unfortunately, I can't come up with a good way to fix that.
I like this idea, but the test logs are already summarized in the description (i think) before you even read them. Perhaps the tests would benefit from examining the effects of some memories that aren't only good? Maybe its just not the intended tone of the skip, but what if someone was told to remember an exposure to a cognitohazard or some sort of SCP that manifests physical symptoms upon visual contact. Do those symptoms only exist in the mental world? Just a spicy suggestion.
So, I have some feelings about this.
I was pretty excited to read this from the description alone. I have a fondness for memories and childhood as themes and setpieces, so I had no doubt this was going to be something I was going to have high expectations for.
SCP-4836 was discovered on April 19th, 2008 at Mercy Hospital in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA, where 20-year-old Ryan Hoffstead regained consciousness after being in a comatose state for ten years.
This sentence, immediately after the description, is perfect. With blinders on for the rest of the article, this already said so much about the character, their history, and their desires. It was clear to me that Ryan had activated something with the teddy bear on emotional power alone and had induced his own coma. I love this sentence and its placement.
And at this point, you're probably wondering why I downvoted.
I feel like the discovery log is the (unfortunate) high point of the article. A lot is said about Ryan from that log through implication. The test logs, in my opinion, do not have a place in this because they detract from our primary character focus. Also
Subject demanded to be used for additional testing and became hostile on refusal. Subject terminated.
this immediately nose-dived the tone of the article and I nearly downvoted on this alone. It is so out of nowhere and cruel to "terminate" a subject because of an attachment to an object, especially when after that it's stated that amnestic treatment is just as effective. I didn't like this one bit.
The interview with Ryan feels a bit… wordy? There is quite a bit of exposition here that just doesn't feel right. I guess after a week of being with the Foundation it wouldn't be too out of the question for Ryan to be more relaxed and willing to talk, but he is effectively 10 and surrounded by adult strangers. I cannot believe that a child would talk like this, much less act out like this. Something about it just doesn't sit right with me.
The two journal entries don't do it for me either. The first one seems like some alright exposition into Ryan's life after his mother's death, but it does just read like exposition to me. The second log I don't think needed to happen at all. After all of this gloom, having such a happy ending turn-around is sudden and just as tone jeering as the test log (okay, maybe not that much).
Overall, I wanted so badly to be invested in Ryan's character as someone that has lost their grandmother to a sudden accident, as someone who didn't get to spend a lot of time with their parents growing up. I wanted to sympathize with this character and see his growth naturally develop as he learns to grow up and accept loss. But it happens so fast and so suddenly that my sympathy can't connect. Frankly, I would have liked to hear from Ryan's father, or hell even seen him talk with his now 20-year-old son. Ryan isn't the only one that lost someone on that day, and Ryan clearly knows it based on that last log. It would have been nice to see to that reflected better in the article.
I'm so sorry this turned out so long. Hopefully this is helpful to you in the future.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to RockTeethMothEyes or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
…why? Just why? It ended on a good note, yeah, but as a whole…fucking why? :'(
My feels. MY FEELS.
+1
I have to say, I don't like the way this is described. It would be far more scientific to say that persons holding the bear enter a comatose state for anywhere from X to Y time, and when they wake up, will remember with perfect clarity a such and such, time spent, etc.
That being, the emotion expressed in the rest of the article, especially that last journal entry, is the kind of thing upvotes cannot fully denote appreciation for. So you get my +1.
The idea that Foundation therapy and amnestic treatment actually helped someone is wild.
+1. I wish we saw this more often - the Foundation being actually capable of making people's lives better instead of being totally inhuman and single-track.
The story is quite sad, though. The story is so good that, Ryan has a weakend faith. He misses his mother much and his father left to work, leaving his family. I love this article. +1 for this.
But what I do know that Ryan's mother is somehow manipulating the bear, she uses that advantage to comfort her son. Because according to NESPR (New England Society for Psychic Research), inanimate objects can't be possessed, rather manipulating it. Or does another entity manipulating the bear in some point.
I am Rylance. Wikidot member since 2021.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
