SCP-4451 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4451.

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From the hairgel and cheap vitamin covered desk of the author

Dyslexion 24 Oct 2019 18:05

My first attempt at a dado article (and dado's first attempt to being a fine engineer yes?.) I hope dado messing up a sex robot is as funny to you as it was writing it.

What inspired this? the words "nuclear landmine" and "tsar roomba"

There are a lot of references in here but the most hidden is SCP-4451-Maine. A cheeky nod to the USS Maine.

Critiques from:
Kybard
DrChandra
Nameless Mediocre
Crashington for photo edting
and many others <3

p.s. As of this writing, SCP-4451-Maine is currently being reassembled by eagle-eyed Juinor Researchers with very small tweezers.

Last edited on 24 Oct 2019 19:38 by Dyslexion Show more

Re: From the hairgel and cheap vitamin covered desk of the author

Dyslexion 24 Oct 2019 18:31

All photos by me. I hereby release them under the wiki's CC license

Kybard 24 Oct 2019 18:10

As I told you when I read a draft of this, I'm no dado expert, but this is a fun and funny piece that has enough turns and unnerving bits for me to find it very satisfying. All the revisions you've made, including adding the photos, only bolster my opinion.

The end of the Test-01 log still cracks me up.

+1

Site Criticism Team - Staff Review

TheMightyMcB 24 Oct 2019 18:35

This was a weird one for me.

+ Open Crit

On the one hand, this was pretty damn funny, and multiple different lines got an audible chuckle out of me, so this was a success on that front.

On the other hand, I have a few issues and nitpicks with the piece that hindered my enjoyment.

posted by dado

This whole image is funny, but this bit here feels like a total cop out for why you don't have a picture of an actual Roomba anywhere in the article, which just wasn't necessary. It's answering a question that wasn't asked quite obviously.

This event has lead to the theory that SCP-4451-1 functions as an extremely large atom undergoing rapid and continuous radioactive decay and that the gel facilitates the transfer of energy to the vacuum cleaner2.

…Okay so I get that dado is an anomalous pharmacologist, but you go way too deep into the irl science here without actually demonstrating that you understand the words you're using. Atoms aren't that big and no self respecting scientist would propose or accept a solution like this without veritable proof, of which there is none. Things can be radioactive without being a single atom undergoing decay. In fact, the more atoms decaying, the better. This is some bad nuclear physics here and it distracted me quite a bit. The image and the vapo rub cracked me up though, I gotta say.

a pharmaceutical billionaire and anti-government advocate.

I don't see the relevance of the anti-government bit? Are you trying to say he's an anarchocapitalist? Either way, why?

dado is not as good of engineer as medicine maker, in fact, tsar roomba is dado's first try but dado very proud of tsar roomba (by dado)

This doesn't feel like dado speak. It feels like an ESL person speaking in the third person. dado tends to vary his grammatical errors erroneously and the note reads at bit to formulaic with the errors to capture that spontaneous nature of dado. It's better than others I've seen but there's room for improvement here.

Overall, I'm left feeling a novote on this one. It does the humor super well but it flubs some other aspects of the execution that leaves me a bit disappointed.

ETA: Seeing as my primary issue of the bad science was taken care of, I'll gladly upvote this now. Good job, author!

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to TheMightyMcB or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team, SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.

Last edited on 25 Oct 2019 04:37 by TheMightyMcB Show more

Re: Site Criticism Team - Staff Review

Dyslexion 24 Oct 2019 18:49

Thank you for leaving a critique on this. I hope I can justify why I made these choices.

things

For the image, I didn't want to openly show a roomba, because I felt it would spoil the joke in the final letter and I don't actually own one. None of my friends would let me fill their roomba with vaporub and melatonin either. This image is supposed to be sourced from dado's etsy, at least in my justification.

I will admit, there's a lot of pseudoscience in the dado God Particle section, but the keyword is "functions". I tried to get across that this is less of a real atom, and more of a model the researchers are using to better understand it.

Anti-Government Advocate is my way of saying libertarian.

I'll try to fix up the dado speak.

Thanks again

Re: Site Criticism Team - Staff Review

TheMightyMcB 24 Oct 2019 19:34

I tried to get across that this is less of a real atom, and more of a model the researchers are using to better understand it.

This did not translate over to me at all. The pills just seem to act as a radioactive substance would, like if they were made from Thorium or something.

Additionally, it should be noted that nuclear radiation isn't directly used to power things. It doesn't work that way, and I'd assume it works here because, well, dado. Just for clarification, nuclear fuel rods are used to heat up a tank of water, which releases steam that powers a steam engine. The nuclear material takes the place of a fire, essentially.

Re: Site Criticism Team - Staff Review

r0se 27 Oct 2019 04:15

i have a roomba + i would be open to taking a picture of it for the purposes of dado-related comedy if need be

AgentAX 24 Oct 2019 18:53

Well….. it for sure is well-written and paced, it is interesting to read…. but it just doesn't seem that funny to me. Perhaps I don't get the joke, but a super-powerful vaccum cleaner that can explode doesn't really feel catchy. Novote from me.

Dyslexion 24 Oct 2019 19:09

the joke is based on the real life bomb, the Tsar Bomba, the most powerful nuclear weapon ever detonated, as well as the fact that dado critically misunderstood what John Hartwick wanted to buy.

Last edited on 24 Oct 2019 19:37 by Dyslexion Show more

AgentAX 24 Oct 2019 19:34

…. and now I got it (I previously didn't catch the Tsar Bomba reference). And it is just too good.
(+1)

Last edited on 24 Oct 2019 19:35 by AgentAX Show more

Sergeimosin 24 Oct 2019 22:34

Dammit dado… bottledick is over. All hail Roombadick! (I blame the author for not specifying exactly how the explosion at the CEOs mansion was caused. Also, I imagine the Roomba doing the R2D2 scream before violently exploding)

Last edited on 24 Oct 2019 22:37 by Sergeimosin Show more

Site Crit Team

ManyMeats 25 Oct 2019 14:08

I've thought about what to say on this for a while now and I am still not 100% sure how to feel. On the one hand, many parts of this are entertaining and did get me to smile or snort a little. But on the other hand, the repeated skirting if IRL science and getting it wrong really rubs me the wrong way in a manner that seriously kneecaps this piece.

The general use of dado is just "okay" at best for me. You clearly know the what of dado but the finer points of adopting and using the character seem to be beyond the reach of this piece. To me, this comes off as someone clearly trying to write dado, rather than being a dado SCP if that makes any sense. I can go into this in more detail but it would require an analysis and comparison well beyond the scope of a Site Crit review.

Overall, I had to -1. This piece could do with probably 30-40% of the material being trimmed out and not suffer for it.

Rogueley 25 Oct 2019 23:17

I have no real useful crit, but I wanted to mention it was a novote for me until "stapler by dado" made me laugh… +1

theworldabouttodawn 08 Nov 2019 23:28

this was exactly my train of thought especially that it was completely non anomalous. +1

(a corresponding dado idea: staple remover by dado, which is just your bare hands and no i do not have any personal experience regarding this topic why do you ask)

planet Jane 28 Oct 2019 16:02

dado in general is kind of hit or miss but I like this one. The actual email could probably use some tuning up, and to make a nitpick I think dado should probably be referred to by his POI number (which I don't recall offhand but it's in some of the other articles on the fellow I believe) in most of the article

warning: as u libertarians say, "no steppy". tsar roomba does not like.

brilliant

ratking666 30 Oct 2019 03:32

i still dont know if i like this or not, its the same dado formula but i really like where it went

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pastarasta1 is quick-talking and often scheming

Gentleman Thief 04 Nov 2019 20:53

tsar roomba

You, sir, just earned yourself an upvote.

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