SCP-4607 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4607.

.au

Kenoma 16 Oct 2019 05:54

Sorry for the coldpost. This draft already had two critique threads (first, second) so I don't want to make a third. This was the original article before I deleted it. It's almost a total overhaul so I'm fairly confident to it now.

Image used is in the public domain because it contains materials that originally came from the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

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𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.

Last edited on 16 Oct 2019 08:36 by Kenoma Show more

T Rutherford 16 Oct 2019 14:59

The miniature ecosystems within dead whales is a fascinating topic, and extending that to a social ecosystem is a clever concept.

Crit

That said, this ultimately falls flat for me. You overload the con-procs and description with a lot of needlessly bulky scientific terms.

"Two deep-sea surveillance drones are to be deployed on SCP-4607-A for daily monitoring purposes."
There's a lot of "word traffic" here. Why can't you just say "Two deep-sea surveillance drones are to actively monitor SCP-4607-A."?

The punctuated, short-spoken conversations lack a lot of personality, and you feel the need to pre-establish gendering and age-labeling, which feels unnecessary. The concept itself is also a bit muddled. If these creatures speak through infrasonic vocalizations, aren't we just translating them into English? Why would be imbue gender, age, and language differences like Latin vs. English?

Overall, novote for me. Keep at it though!

Last edited on 16 Oct 2019 15:00 by T Rutherford Show more

Kenoma 17 Oct 2019 00:45

Two deep-sea surveillance drones are to actively monitor SCP-4607-A.

I do agree; this sounds a lot cleaner.

See more...

The punctuated, short-spoken conversations lack a lot of personality

I guess that's the trade-off for readability which they formerly lack.

If these creatures speak through infrasonic vocalizations, aren't we just translating them into English? Why would be imbue gender, age, and language differences like Latin vs. English?

They don't necessarily speak. My thought is that they just emitting human conversations from an unknown medium. I included gender, age, and language to make them feel more human as it helped me imagine them during the drafting process.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

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𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.

Last edited on 17 Oct 2019 00:46 by Kenoma Show more

Genshed 18 Oct 2019 01:14

I've read enough about the localized biomes associated with whalefalls to follow this easily. The animus against the boneworms was well depicted.

Varaxous 10 Dec 2019 00:16

I am amused by what you have here but I am simultaneously a bit disappointed by the fact that I feel you don't go far enough with the concept.

From the title, I expected a much greater, more vast city of whale carcasses and such, and throughout I kept thinking that what you had was that, just scaled way, way down.

+1, but with a wish for more.

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It's not a party until you summon a lesser demon.