SCP-4382 / Discussion

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Entropic of Hulwick

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 03:10

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Don't you find it's harder when you're down?

Such an obvious reason, but nonetheless it's ours

Take the time to figure out the sound

Over and over and over and over

Far Caspian - Conversations

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The third in a loosely connected article series I've been planning, born from my love of small-town America. Stay tuned!

Spoilerspoilerspoilerspoiler

A brilliant, bastard back-yard tinkerer makes a perpetual motion machine - that is, he turns the whole town into a perpetual motion machine.

Thanks to my critters: Nameless Mediocre Lord_of_Laugh Vezaz

Images used are Here and here, under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0) and CC-BY-SA 3.0, respectively.

Thanks for reading, as always!

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► More T Rutherford Articles and Tales ◄

Last edited on 02 Oct 2019 14:58 by T Rutherford Show more

cybersqyd 02 Oct 2019 04:34

god this was such a ride

+ minor thing

There's one case where you refer to Xi-4 as Xi-5: "Xi-3|Banks: Yeah, well, you're the Bully now, right? Xi-5, hey!"

There's also one case where it's a little ambiguous: "Xi-3|Banks: Come on Lil, snap out of it! You're not there anymore! You grew up! You're a bad-ass science commando now! You're Xi-5! Lyydia!"

I didn't just change it myself because I'm not sure whether the intention is "You're [in] Xi-5!" or "You're Xi-4!"

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 04:37

The Xi-5 vs Xi squad designation was a hiccup when writing this. Xi-5 is the squad name, the team, and it sounded so good to chant. But, I also didn't want to change the team designations. Uhg. I guess I'll have to tweak it a bit.

Thanks for the read, cybersqyd, and thanks for catching that!

Last edited on 02 Oct 2019 04:40 by T Rutherford Show more

Lord_of_Laugh 02 Oct 2019 12:20

Fucking superb article, probably the best work I've read in the past month +1

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 14:40

Thanks LoL! Sorry, forgot to add you to the crit list. Appreciate the read.

TheMightyMcB 02 Oct 2019 14:07

I wasn't expecting that ending at all, and man it was paced beautifully. This is thoroughly excellent, T Rutherford.

Small nitpick though, I think you need a different way to differentiate between the members of Xi-5 because Xi-1 through -4 are presumably their own MTF designations. Maybe have the official transcripts call them Xi-5-1 through-4 and just have themselves refer to each other as their numbers?

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 14:41

Thanks so much MightyMcB. Your continued support on this site really keeps me writing :)

I've changed the article to reflect your designation idea. I thought the flow might be halting, but honestly, the alliteration of Xi-5 makes each designation still read naturally. Thanks for the suggestion!

A Random Day 02 Oct 2019 14:25

The dialogue and efforts to characterize the Mobile Task Force fall flat, but the vivid descriptions of the town and the literal banger of an ending more than make up for that.

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 14:46

Thanks so much for the read ARD! It's always a huge help to get feedback from seasoned authors.

Establishing characterization in short-form writing projects is still a learning process for me. I'm honestly surprised; I thought I hit the mark with Xi-5, and left the core anomaly lacking (as I have in past articles). Guess there's more work to do on my story-telling element balancing act. Thanks again.

Last edited on 02 Oct 2019 14:47 by T Rutherford Show more

r0se 02 Oct 2019 15:08

There's a spot where the italics mess up in the third log btw. really good otherwise +1

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 15:24

fixed! Thanks for spotting that.

claim100 02 Oct 2019 15:23

Wow. This is just amazing… amazing idea, nothing too over the top, just cool twist and all. I only wonder how the bomb got there? Perhaps that is for another day… +1

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 15:27

Bomb?

Spoilers

There was no bomb. The kid didn't realize that the energy wasn't in a closed loop, it was just a machine that created a pocket-universe powered by, and powerful enough to contain the sustaining energy. You can think of it as "going back into the atoms". When the machine shut down, all that stored up energy, well- ka-BOOM! Fission.

rattles 02 Oct 2019 15:37

Another job well done, Trutherford.

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 15:42

Thanks rattles!

MaliceAforethought 02 Oct 2019 15:49

There's a lot going on here that I like, but a lot that I don't. Poke me some time to edit in a full critique, 'cause I've got a lot to say about this one.

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 15:59

Any time you're free, MaliceAforethought. I'm usually in the IRC chat. Just toss me a PM. This one got rushed out the gate a bit faster than my usual articles. I'd appreciate the crit!

Purplayoss 02 Oct 2019 20:42

There's a part in the final log where command asks for 5-1 and 5-2. I think it should just be 5-1 and 5-3. Anyways, +1.

T Rutherford 02 Oct 2019 20:49

Fixed! Thanks!

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