Hey Kaether, I have a few pointers I'd like to share.
Nitpicks:
So here is where I would usually point out spelling & grammar but i relized there are quite a few grammatic errors. A lot of these being commas where they are not necessary, repeat words, and improper tense. I highly suggest the program Grammarly (I believe a free version is available on most platforms) I will point out a few of these but just know there are a lot more you should look for on your own.
"The stone is completely inert following Incident Epsilon-Inversion, and has been reclassified as Neutralized."
You do not need the comma before and (this is a reoccurring theme)
D-82732-CZ bore three gunshot wounds in the abdomen, though medical staff were able to stabilize him.
I believe "was" instead of "were" would fit better, also (and this could be me) "though" sticks out sour clinical tone-wise.
Charles: Alright lets get a move on people, Damien try the radio.
lets -> let's
Static is heard through the communications equipment, before a distorted message is heard. EP-4 tunes the equipment for several seconds, before the transmission becomes understandable.
You don't need these commas
This is an an automated emergency broadcast from the Foundation and your national government. One or more of our si…
If the repeat of the word "an" is intentional I would put it as "an-an" or "a-an".
EP-1: Yes sir. Theres some interference but its getting us an approximation. Were a bit south of █████. Pretty close to Site-19
There's and it's
Charles: You heard, double time people!
double-time
EP-3: Thats pretty cool. Freaky, but cool.
That's
SCP-4678 was discovered on July 12th, 2001 and recovered on August 5th, 2001 from an estate in Romania, a week after it was purchased by Florin Tudor from Marshall, Carter & Dark. Tudor was found deceased in the estate by Foundation operatives sent to recover the object, the cause of death being identified as an intentional overdose. A small booklet was found on his body, describing SCP-4678's effects, and how to use it.
I feel this was a missed opportunity to have a neat discovery section.At the very least i think it should be separated by a space from the rest of the description
In the dialogue I suggest putting [brackets] around the italicized text.
Opinion:
For the most part, the clinical tone is fairly consistent but there were a few spots I feel it could use work.
I'm not sure I get or like the connection to 073, this may work for some people but it fell short for me. Not the biggest fan of using crosslink to some of the site's most well-known characters. It seems kinda thrown in at the end and I think the story progression is made to hinge on that too much. I would of much rather seen you come up with an all-original non-cross-link ending to the project.
The test log seems unnecessary for such a simple idea, the log seems to just echo what we already know from the description. It reads more like an execution log than a test of the item. I feel if you really wanted to include a test log you could have actually described the activation ritual, which I feel would be more interesting than this.
I like the "researcher pushed too far" thing even though it has been done before, but I felt this could have been focused on more.
Overall this is written well enough but could have used some more work to really make it shine. I believe this sort of concept has been fleshed out in past articles. Though this hits the right notes for what you were going for it fell short in my opinion. I feel more could have been done with this core concept to set it apart from the previous articles covering similar topics.
I will say that for the most part I did think the dialogue was okay and it sounds natural enough if not a little hammy. I did feel the [Action text] could have been worded better throughout the logs.
All in all, this is a decent first article, Its a no-vote from me, but I look forward to seeing more from you in the future.
