SCP-4674 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4674.
I'm liking this one. It seemed a bit convoluted at the beginning, but ultimately by the time I finished reading I felt like I understood everything pretty well. That twist at the end seemed a bit abrupt and probably could have used a couple more lines of dialogue, but it was a decent twist nonetheless, and overall I enjoyed it!
There were a few noticeable formatting mistakes, though. Might wanna give your article another read-through to fix them.
+1
This one was strange for me, in that I was intrigued at the beginning, only to have my interest diminish as the article carried on.
SCP-4674 is an anatomically correct scale model of a human heart 50cm in height.
Measuring 50 cm in height
No evidence has been found to corroborate this story and SCP-4674 is an unreliable information source.
Is considered an unreliable source of information
It’s vocalisations have no anomalous effects and any threats or demands can be safely ignored.
Its
The projection has no power to compel and will initially tempt dreamers with the high value of the item and by describing in detail how good it would feel to possess.
Comma after compel
If this method fails alternatives will be tried including begging, threats of magical vengeance and promises of magical powers to be granted.
Comma after fails
Subjects are rotated to prevent emotional attachment,
You imply that the attachment is from the skip in the next few lines, but this sentence here is actually unclear about who we are worried about getting attached.
And we’ve found no records of a woman of your description going missing in Britain at that time. Landed gentry don’t just go missing with no records, you see?
Outright calling out an emotionally volatile skip on a bold-faced lie feels like a bad call from multiple perspectives. First, it doesn't help containment, and might actually hinder it if the skip doesn't count this visit as positive attention now. Second, out of universe, this is the most direct way possible of telling us that she's lying, which is super boring to read. It would be much cooler if you sprinkled little hints all over the article hinting that she is not a reliable source of info, rather than just blurting it out like you do here and earlier in the piece. Drop some hints, let the reader feel smart as they work out what is going on here.
Overall, the ending feels super ham-fisted, which kills the solid buildup that lead to it. It can certainly be fixed, but for now, it's gonna be a downvote.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to TheMightyMcB or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
