Sweet Cream Pancakes / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Sweet Cream Pancakes.

Genshed 01 Aug 2019 19:50

Beautiful description of intense ugliness is an impressive achievement. I hope the 'real business' turns out well.

wmaitla 02 Aug 2019 01:24

lol cheers

aismallard 02 Aug 2019 15:03

Very compelling description of perhaps the grossest restaurant I have ever read about, as well as an engaging pace that really reflected his internal monologue and worries over retaliation from his employer. It ends fittingly, with a somewhat-ambiguous situation about the business and its provenance.

Good tale. +1

wmaitla 05 Aug 2019 07:01

thanks!

Comedic, yet thrilling?

TheImmortalDragoon 09 Aug 2019 08:05

I haven't found very many works that are simultaneously comedic yet thrilling. The description of the restaurant doesn't leave much to the imagination, I found myself rather squeamish and yet, I wanted to go on. The awe in the character is apparent and the suspense is held throughout the story. I thought that the 'cocaine' bit would be the end of the tale and that it would end with the character being mistaken and appearing quite silly, but apparently, the real business happens in the back.

The level of comedy is somewhat subtle in this tale and that makes it all the more delightful. The thrill comes from the descriptions used, all in all, a good read.

Re: Comedic, yet thrilling?

wmaitla 10 Aug 2019 11:07

oh thanks! I really appreciate it!

(account deleted) 11 Aug 2019 07:38

Personally, I feel like this spends too much time describing how gross the restaurant is, and how brutal MC&D are, and spends too little time actually telling a story.

wmaitla 11 Aug 2019 21:31

ok cool. what should I do differently? how could I make the story longer?

(account deleted) 11 Aug 2019 23:43

What I mean is that it didn't really feel like much was happening for most of the story, and when stuff did eventually start happening, I had already sat through ten paragraphs of the grossest restaurant ever and MC&D being super brutal and I just wanted it to be over. Looking through the rest of the comments here, it would appear that the incredibly detailed descriptions of how disgusting the restaurant is were what a lot of people liked most about it, and I definitely see where those people are coming from, I just don't think that every detail about how vile the place is needs to have an entire paragraph dedicated to it.

wmaitla 12 Aug 2019 09:15

lol fair enough, I can see why you'd feel that way. I was writing about the place for most of the story, I'll remember that if I ever write about anything else that gross.