Beautiful description of intense ugliness is an impressive achievement. I hope the 'real business' turns out well.
Very compelling description of perhaps the grossest restaurant I have ever read about, as well as an engaging pace that really reflected his internal monologue and worries over retaliation from his employer. It ends fittingly, with a somewhat-ambiguous situation about the business and its provenance.
Good tale. +1
I haven't found very many works that are simultaneously comedic yet thrilling. The description of the restaurant doesn't leave much to the imagination, I found myself rather squeamish and yet, I wanted to go on. The awe in the character is apparent and the suspense is held throughout the story. I thought that the 'cocaine' bit would be the end of the tale and that it would end with the character being mistaken and appearing quite silly, but apparently, the real business happens in the back.
The level of comedy is somewhat subtle in this tale and that makes it all the more delightful. The thrill comes from the descriptions used, all in all, a good read.
Personally, I feel like this spends too much time describing how gross the restaurant is, and how brutal MC&D are, and spends too little time actually telling a story.
ok cool. what should I do differently? how could I make the story longer?
What I mean is that it didn't really feel like much was happening for most of the story, and when stuff did eventually start happening, I had already sat through ten paragraphs of the grossest restaurant ever and MC&D being super brutal and I just wanted it to be over. Looking through the rest of the comments here, it would appear that the incredibly detailed descriptions of how disgusting the restaurant is were what a lot of people liked most about it, and I definitely see where those people are coming from, I just don't think that every detail about how vile the place is needs to have an entire paragraph dedicated to it.