Inside is a ladder leading to a central "interface" chamber,
I don't think the word 'interface' assist this sentence at all and, in fact, confused me for a moment because I was unsure what sort of paraphrasing was going on.
SCP-4558's purpose is unknown, but extensive Foundation investigations indicate that it was originally designed by members of the Church of Maxwellism.
I don't think this comma here is necessary…
Planning for a similar structure has been found in archived Maxwellist forums and chat logs in the early 1990s
This sentence really confused me for a while and I think it's because the word 'planning' in here means 'the act of plans occurring' or something similar. It's really quite strange and doesn't add anything to the prose here. For example, 'plans for a similar structure were found in archived Maxwellist forums' would be a much more familiar phrasing and would reduce the reader's need to pause instead of taking in the story wholesale.
include users with the handles "onewan1", apparently the project lead in these early stages; "holy_fibr3", believed to be the project's lead programmer; and "tbgeuse", who was tasked with formulating "defence mechanisms"
While a minor quibble could be had about having quotations used for direct quoting as well as for specific naming (it's inconsistent and a reader could possible see 'defense mechanisms' as a username which makes no sense here), I'm willing to commend the use of semicolons. I do love that.
and saw that she was worthy");
Are you missing a period here or purposefully implying that there was a portion of sentence cut off? If it's the latter, perhaps ending the phrase with a preposition like 'of' or 'in' will make it clear.
Tensorflow (compiled for GPU)
There's a 1.0 and 2.0 now, so you may want to fix that ambiguity.
By the way, I found the terminal stuff to be too slow for my reading, so I often just waited for the whole thing to load.
Jones: But what kind of world is this?
Researcher Ishigura: It's better than none.
Missed an empty line here.
to my own.Do you have a
Missed spacing?
before.You saw that they were at peace
Another missed spacing?
Overall, I think this is an excellent investigation into interactive fiction. The terminal is executed well and the overall plot is compelling.
However, I continually found awkward phrases, sentences, and formatting errors throughout the piece which got in the way of my enjoyment.
Also, I didn't find Ishigura's character transformation particularly meaningful or compelling. Either there's a story I'm missing, but this guy essentially decides that it'd be gucci to destroy civilization as we know it because a talking terminal told him it was god and that it wanted him to be its prophet, ignoring all of its followers that built it because Ishigura's special in some way? It could've been a liar. It could've intended to eat him all along. So on and so forth. It's quite possible I missed the penultimate moment where Ishigura made that turn into 'evil', but I really don't see the justification.
But. I think this is a compelling piece of fiction. Make no doubt about this.
EDIT: Also, I cannot for the life of me believe that a level 4 anyone is allowed to connect a secure device to off-network, for the record. Company policy would ordinarily make this impossible and unaccepted, as everything is extremely locked down. For the record, I work at a bank and I can't even get an adblocking extension on my browser- its literally against policy.
When I worked at a military facility, there was no way I was getting any permission for anything- in fact, I couldn't even move files from one network to another and had to get someone else to come over with their own credentials to do it for me.