SCP-4811 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4811.

A thank you

wam3483 17 Jun 2019 02:03

This is my first SCP and served as a good introduction to this helpful community. I learned a good amount writing this, and it was enjoyable. I want to give a special thanks to:

RockTeethMothEyes: For assistance in developing this idea, and for him giving me a green light. You gave me a great introduction to this community by dedicating your attention to me late one evening.
FloppyPhoenix: For critiquing my draft and giving me a great amount of helpful feedback.
naepicfael: For giving my idea a green light.
AtlasIncarnate: For critiquing my draft and offering ideas.

And to my wife for her proof reading, and medical knowledge. And for enduring my ramblings :).

If I've forgotten someone let me know and I'll list you here.

Last edited on 22 Jun 2019 03:18 by wam3483 Show more

Re: A thank you

CasualHat 17 Jun 2019 04:09

Pretty good SCP, especially for a first one.
Congratulations!
I upvoted this

Re: A thank you

Axles126 17 Jun 2019 05:32

Really enjoyed reading this too myself! Good work, really solid SCP. +1 from me

Great Job!

Quantum_Slime 17 Jun 2019 05:14

For a first SCP (or just in general), this was a good read!
I especially liked the addenda. The test logs were somewhat slow, but other than that, great skip!
I noticed that the light absorption test was conducted on February 29th 2015, which doesn't exist because 2015 wasn't a leap year. Don't know if that was intentional or not, just something I noticed.

+1

Re: Great Job!

wam3483 18 Jun 2019 01:55

Thanks fluffy! I didn't do that on purpose, thank you for pointing it out to me. I feel silly. Heh, there's this philosophy the Amish have about their quilts needing an intentional imperfection to keep the creator humble. Pretty sure this idea isn't actually held by the Amish, but I've always liked the idea.
This can be my stitch, I think I'm going to leave it unless it becomes distracting to the story in the future.

TriPizza 17 Jun 2019 10:45

Really like the idea. +1 for you and bonus marks for you because this first SCP of yours is great. Keep on doing this. o(> w <)o

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3P

canaryfarmer 17 Jun 2019 17:02

Great first skip!

I thought the tests proceeded in a natural way, and I was interested to see what the results would be each time.

I really don't think you need Dr. Cotton's note at the very end. Everything he says seems pretty clearly conveyed by the incident report just before. I would also swap the final two paragraphs of the Incident Log, so the last line of the article is "Both requests are under review." The material/structural changes are way less emotionally engaging than what happened to the Site-19 personnel, and should not be the final thing in the reader's mind, when the human wreckage created by the ill-advised and understaffed test is the real tragedy. Floors and ceilings can be replaced.

Otherwise, swell work! +1!

Last edited on 17 Jun 2019 17:07 by canaryfarmer Show more

wam3483 18 Jun 2019 02:09

I love your idea about swapping the paragraphs and I've done so, crediting you in revision history. The final note from Dr Cotton I'm going to dwell on a bit. You make a strong point but I'm not positive yet.

Lt Flops 17 Jun 2019 19:29

This has been polished well since the draft stage. I like it, and I think the concept alone is strong enough to carry the entire article! +1

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https://scpwiki.com/floppyphoenix

Last edited on 17 Jun 2019 19:30 by Lt Flops Show more

wam3483 18 Jun 2019 02:11

Thanks Floppy, those final edits are due to your time investment with me last night. I'm grateful for your support.

dolleyeresponse 21 Jun 2019 04:15

It pings a little strange to me that the majority of the staff affected by the event would request to be killed because they were blinded. I find it really hard to believe the Foundation would agree to what is essentially a mass euthanasia of trained staff for a disability that people in reality live with on a daily basis. Unless I'm wildly misinterpreting your usage of the word 'termination' here, I'd encourage you to try to rework the final lines so as to not accidentally imply that being blind is a fate worse than death.

fieldstone 21 Jun 2019 04:35

Presumably it's not just because of the blindness, but because being permanently mirrored means a lifetime in containment.

wam3483 22 Jun 2019 03:06

By termination I do mean euthanasia, and I had precisely the same concern as you dolley, that it would read as implying blindness is a worse fate than death. That was not my intention. My intention was as fieldstone describes; a lifetime in containment is the impetus behind requesting termination- not blindness alone but containment without sight for a lifetime in a marred body.

Last edited on 22 Jun 2019 03:10 by wam3483 Show more