SCP-4270 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4270.

Not A Bear

Deadly Bread 10 Jun 2019 20:42

New and improved Benjamin Harrison, who definitely isn't a bear. Decided to reformat this from what it originally was based on the critique I got. I really do appreciate it. Thanks to MaliceAforethought and TheJonyMyster for their initial critiques and aismallard for his advice.

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Other Articles of Mine

Last edited on 03 Aug 2020 05:25 by Deadly Bread Show more

DAMNCE 10 Jun 2019 20:49

ha this is fun

Lamentte 10 Jun 2019 20:50

Beary good.

Last edited on 10 Jun 2019 20:50 by Lamentte Show more

rattles 10 Jun 2019 20:50

Style tip: footnotes can be moved inside collapsible with the code:

[[footnoteblock title="Footnotes"]]

Last edited on 10 Jun 2019 20:52 by rattles Show more

Deadly Bread 10 Jun 2019 20:58

Thanks for that. Now it looks a bit better.

+1

TheBlueHour 10 Jun 2019 20:52

I scrolled up very slowly after reading the hidden description because I was worried that the image at the top of the page would be replaced with something spooky.

Would that be possible? Make it so that the image changes after you open the collapsible?

Re: +1

Deadly Bread 10 Jun 2019 20:59

It's a good idea that I considered, but I'd need to time the image so that it appeared once it was completely out of frame, and people read at different speeds. Also, it would probably be a bit hamfisted because it would just be a bear in a suit.

Last edited on 10 Jun 2019 21:00 by Deadly Bread Show more

DrSevere 10 Jun 2019 21:04

I want to like this, it's weird and interesting, but there's jank in here that keeps me from really appreciating it. In no particular order:

• I get that it's a cover up, but even so, the "Explained" designation doesn't fit for the 'fake' page - explained is when it used to be anomalous until the Foundation identified the source of the anomaly and found a way to square it with the consensus reality. None of that appears on the page.
• The Containment Procedures in the actual article don't explain what's to be done with the actual body (or do they not actually have the corpse? That's not clear to me).
• We've already got at least two other SCPs directly relating to US presidents (and a half), it feels like a kind of narrow pull.
• The language is somewhat confusing in places.

Interesting goofy concept, but the execution just isn't there for me.

Deadly Bread 10 Jun 2019 21:43

Some things to clear up

• It's Explained in the 'fake' page because it fits with what someone who is unaware of 4270's anomalous effects would assume the page to be, or at the closest object class I could find that fits the criteria. The person would be under the effects of 4270 and assumes that everything about it that is true is perfectly normal, therefore, explained. If you or anyone else has another object class I might be able to use, feel free to let me know.
• The Con Procs say that the Department of Miscommunications is in charge of containing SCP-4720. They have the body.
• Not much to say here. We have lots about the Presidents, and most of them play off of what is known about them. This plays off of Benjamin Harrison being virtually forgotten by most people.
• If you could point out exactly where the language is weird, I'd love to hear it. There are some places where it's ment to be intentionally odd such as this one;

SCP-4270’s physiology is entirely consistent with that of SCP-4270.

Thanks for leaving your critique and hopefully I've cleared some things up.

aismallard 10 Jun 2019 23:40

I really don't see the fake banner page as necessary. It can work as an interesting setup, but having it be Explained without the -EX suffix, or even a hint of why they categorized it as a scip is super shakey to me.

In terms of a better object class, I would say "Safe". Say it's his corpse, he was the President, blah blah blah. Then end with "information about SCP-4270's anomalous properties are restricted to Department of Miscommunications personnel only".

The other problem I have with this is that it's Thaumiel. To me, it's not sufficiently sold that this was built up as being substantially useful to the Foundation, and the anomaly's properties itself do not lead there logically in my opinion. We have lots of scips that aren't Thaumiel that are useful: just to name one, SCP-2111 is where all the memetic kill agents come from.

Overall, I think this is an interesting concept, but given some of the foundational problems with how it's structured and its weak execution, I'm going to -1.

Deadly Bread 11 Jun 2019 00:29

Thanks for the input. I’ve changed up the object class to Safe in the header article and the description to match.

aismallard 11 Jun 2019 01:06

Vote changed to neutral.

planet Jane 14 Jul 2019 04:28

Literally the only thing I don't care for here is the use of an esoteric object class. Other than Thaumiel (which let's be real, doesn't count at this point), I'd argue that they should only be used for sufficiently singular articles, which as fun as this one is, it's not that kind of article.

So no vote for now. Happily will change to a +1 pending an object reclass. I think this could easily be Euclid with no major changes otherwise.

TL333s 04 Aug 2021 16:59

The general concept I've seen done before, but this is presented well enough that it stands on its own. I specifically like the red herring of it maybe being some kind of seal. :) Just, the sheer depth to which this corpse cannot be understood is conveyed excellently. +1

EDIT: Weeks later, this article still lives rent-free in my head.

Last edited on 18 Aug 2021 23:57 by TL333s Show more