SCP-2940 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2940.

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Author Post

Accelerando 15 May 2015 16:19

Hideaway, hideaway
Where they'll never say you cannot stay
Come and play, my hideaway
Someday everything will be okay

This article involves Pitch Haven and my Light Courier Enterprises (you can start reading it from SCP-1940 or checking out the tale). They aren't necessarily directly involved with each other; the bunker's occupants are the victims here. Ananias's presence is what's splitting the floors apart and degrading the occupants of the bunker.

First image is from here, second one is a conglomeration of several images, but the third one… I can't find a credible source.

BIG thanks to Faminepulse for creating the second image and tweaking the third image, he is an image wizard. Many thanks also go to Professor Will, TwistedGears, Procyonlotor, and nulljellyfish for reviewing, and of course Fantem for making Pitch Haven. :)

Last edited on 01 Dec 2016 09:00 by Accelerando Show more

Re: Author Post

Elenee FishTruck 08 Oct 2019 01:01

With no indication any of these images or their components have been released under Creative Commons, I've removed the images.

---

Mm Mm Good

KholetteDrake 15 May 2015 17:27

develop physical abnormalities and autonomy while deceased in lower floors

Deceased? Is that a typo or do they die and come back? Also the specimens develop autonomy? Just seems unclear.

I'm a little confused about the floors. Is each floor identical to the one above, including occupants and then things get weirder the further down you go? That's my reading.

Overall, I like it. It's creepy, weird and confusing in a good way.

Accelerando 15 May 2015 17:44

Each floor is the previous floor in the future, so they have the same structure and such ('cept the 10th one). And yeah, dead people tend to act inconsistently weird in SCP-2940, not much other ways to describe it.

Glad you liked it. :)

KholetteDrake 15 May 2015 19:01

Ah, okay, now it all makes sense. That part wasn't very clear. Perhaps modifying this passage…

Beginning at Floor 1, each subsequent Floor appears to experience the passage of 46 days in time; for example, a watch left within Floor 1 can be found in Floor 3, measuring the passage of approximately 92 days; Floor 9 is presumably a future projection of Floor 1, 414 days in time.

…to better indicate that each floor is a set period ahead of the previous? I know I'm kinda new and don't want to step on any toes, but from my own work (away from the site) it's usually true that if one person doesn't understand, several others don't either.

Knowing that part really helps with getting the hook and the creep in the article.

Guilliman 15 May 2015 17:38

Pretty good, but not that well organized IMO. The description should put all the info on each topic (the building, the people, etc.) in the same section and not keep jumping around. Also, some of the word choice is awkward (bear inability to exit - just try 'are unable to exit' or 'lack the ability to exit') just for one example.

No vote for now.

Last edited on 15 May 2015 17:39 by Guilliman Show more

Accelerando 15 May 2015 18:00

Moved a paragraph (talks about onlybuilding first, then -A, then -B) and touched up wording a bit. Awkward writing has always been a problem for me, the way I read it probably makes it seems normal only to me.

Hawkin 15 May 2015 18:53

I am also a bit confused by the lower-floors-are-future-copies bit. If floor 9 was an inaccessible hellhole upon discovery, does that mean floor 1 would be that inaccessible hellhole 414 days later?

In regard to the watch example, what happens if you take the watch from floor 3 out, then remove the watch from floor 1? Also in that vein, did they only set up surveillance once and thus get video/audio from all floors simultaneously from one set of equipment?

Accelerando 15 May 2015 19:07

I'll clarify this further in the article, but each floor is a projection of a certain period of time within SCP-2940. The logs of the employee was when the actual events on each floor were occurring, though -B was only faintly manifested within the bunker. The Foundation is containing a fragmented remainder of the bunker's reality that leaked into our world, and now -B is a fully realized entity that is forcing all the occupants to experience the last years of their lives indefinitely.

Kind of a lot to swallow, so I'll edit accordingly.

Decibelles 15 May 2015 19:32

This is fucking great. Goddamn. I haven't felt this creeped over a new SCP in a long while.

ProcyonLotor 15 May 2015 19:53

You got the Pitch Haven feel down stat, and even on its own, it's a goddamn fantastic SCP.

Scorpion451 15 May 2015 20:02

Freaking love this.

There is still one thing I'm trying to figure out (I think this might be part of what Hawkin was trying to ask too). Is time stopped like a snapshot on each level until there's an observer? Or are they in some sort of "its always tuesday" stasis where you can interact with them and they go through their routines but its basically an unaging loop? Or is the situation still running in real time (just staggered), in which case the total chaos will eventually work its way up to floor 1?

Last edited on 15 May 2015 20:02 by Scorpion451 Show more

Accelerando 15 May 2015 20:32

Most like "always Tuesday", for floors 1-9.

Last edited on 15 May 2015 20:33 by Accelerando Show more

Hawkin 16 May 2015 04:38

Ok, so I thought of three comparisons to try to figure out what is going on here, as far as what an observer would see happening in the various floors. Having read the modified article, comparison one is obsolete, but I'll include it nonetheless to illustrate my thought process.

Comparison One: Groundhog Day - A single day/time period endlessly loops with one or more people able to influence events through their actions during said time period, only to see them reset at the end of the loop period. But most people are unaware of the loop, and so act out the exact same actions repeatedly unless interfered with.
Similar examples: Edge of Tomorrow, Run Lola Run, a billion others (obsolete as of revision)

Comparison 2: Pleasantville - "Time" passes in normal cycles (i.e. each day is different from the next, weekends follow work weeks, etc.) at the same speed for all observers but nothing ever really changes. No one ages, relocates, or changes occupation, and social, economic, political, and technological standards never change.
Similar examples: Dante's Inferno, What Dreams May Come, Silent Hill (movie)

Comparison 3: The Dark Tower - "Time" is meaningless, and can stretch, compress, loop, and have gaps, often varying by individual. One party may act as if a previous meeting never happened (the "forgetting" party reset to an earlier time, or the other looped back to an earlier version of the "forgetting" party). Time may stretch for one person and/or compress for another, so that the second appears to age rapidly to the first, and the first appears to stop aging to the second.
Similar examples: Limbo in Inception, others I can't think of right now

Anyhow, all that is to say: Which of the two remaining comparisons fits better (if either)?

Last edited on 16 May 2015 04:39 by Hawkin Show more

Accelerando 16 May 2015 05:40

Definitely the second, except it's not so pleasant in the floors where there's perpetual chaos.

Hawkin 18 May 2015 19:42

Good to know. The wave-function that is my comprehension can now collapse into a coherent particle. A series of Increasingly-Less-Pleasantvilles created from chunks of time during The Event.

Communism will win 15 May 2015 20:06

I want to like this, but I have no goddamn clue how to interpret any of the temporal shit or how it relates to the rest of the article.

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if your reading this your gay

Mailboss 15 May 2015 20:21

Really good and creepy. That third picture terrified me, mutated ghost faces are what absolutely freak me the hell out. Enthusiastic +1

TL333s 15 May 2015 22:07

This is really long, and worse, really wordy. I think you're trying to explain too much of what's going on, with Foundation scientists "surmising" the explanation. There's a lot you could cut out and still have it be interesting, plus this needs some editing for flow. I'll also note that the -B wasn't terribly interesting as an entity until we got to the description of its behavior. Neutral for now.

Accelerando 15 May 2015 23:13

Streamlined parts of the article and the temporal effects. Considering the article is half of the size of 1619's, I don't really know what other details to cut, since they all pertain to the story.

Scorpion451 16 May 2015 13:16

The length of a text has no relation to its quality. I personally think this is as long as it needs to be- there's a lot of really nice, convoluted stuff going on here, so its going to take quite a bit of explaining to cover it all.

TL333s 17 May 2015 23:08

For some reason, I really wanted to give this one some detailed critique.

+ Thoughts:

8 meters

That's not nearly enough for ten stories, unless there's some unmentioned spatial anomaly going on here. The later line "External measurements of SCP-2940 also show that only two floors are present from the outside." explains the height discrepancy, but you might want to mention it sooner. Also, what do you mean "from the outside"? You can't really see the floors when you're outside this thing, because underground.

a watch left within Floor 1 can be found in Floor 3, measuring the passage of approximately 92 days.

This makes it sound like you can leave a watch on floor 1, go to floor 3, and see the passage of time. Things like this may be why people are so confused by this article.

Time-measuring devices are inoperative

Which kind of undoes your example above.

SCP-2940-A refers to all human individuals and families residing within SCP-2940, which includes twenty-three persons.

You've already introduced the -A's as "families of three to five (each referred to as Group A through E)", which is confusing.

SCP-2940-B's skull is capable of luminescence and incandescence, presumably through a non-biological process.

The part after the comma really isn't necessary.

The majority of SCP-2940-B is composed of a male human corpse.

You've already told us this with "SCP-2940-B is a human cadaver". Some combining would be in order. It might also be a good idea to describe the lacerations and so forth before the avian parts (suggestion: "The cranium has been replaced with a fleshless skull, identified as Falco rusticolus, and both arms have wings extending from the Humerus. The plumage is also identifiable as that of Falco rusticolus.") because that makes a natural progression from least strange to most strange. Also, it would remove the physical description from the paragraph describing behavior.

SCP-2940-B displays increasing hostility towards living organisms following each floor of SCP-2940

I think a better way to phrase this would be "SCP-2940-B displays increasing hostility towards living organisms, correlated to its depth within SCP-2940". The "following each floor" phrase doesn't really make any sense, and might be another thing confusing people.

Also, it occurs to me that there's no reason for the Foundation to be treating this as one entity spread across multiple places. Why isn't it described as 10 identical entities, with increasing hostility, etc.? You could almost interpret this as literally just one entity that somehow follows Foundation personnel, teleports between floors or something, and gets more hostile the further down they are because reasons.

The description of how it kills people really isn't all that interesting, and may be a good place to cut a lot of wordiness. We can just sort of assume "big freaky dead bird man kills dudes good", unless those descriptions are really important somehow.

degenerate

This is not the right word. How about "75% (or whatever percentage you want to use, even black boxes; actually, why isn't it all of them?) of subjects' remains will convert to 12 liters of the substance exuded by SCP-2940-B."

Again, unless the description is important, how it consumes the stuff can be cut.

Masculine weeping

This strikes me oddly. Why not just 'weeping'?

Also, if they can't get to floor 9, how do they get to floor 10?

Brother is now missing from Group E, Living room is in noticeable disarray.

Either change the comma to a period, or uncapitalize "Living".

Floor 10 contains several apparatus

apparatuses

I think the water finally got to them, but at least they're all breathing.

Doesn't make sense, where's the logical connection between these phrases?

Dangit, now you've got -B going between floors, it sounds like it can always do this.

Small quantities of smoke are emitted from the doorway,

This isn't phrased quite right. Is this emitting from Floor 7's doorway? If so, you should take the last sentence of the previous paragraph and put it before this, so the connection is more clear.

it is unknown if the regenerative properties of said substance incorrectly regenerates all affected instances.

Take out "regenerative", it's redundant.

As for stuff to cut, I gave some suggestions. Honestly, I don't see how this pertains to Pitch Haven at all, and if any of those details link to it, I can't find the connection. That said, you could always justify their inclusion by making them more obviously relevant.

Accelerando 19 May 2015 00:11

Sorry for not getting to this sooner, TL333s.

+ show text

That's not nearly enough for ten stories, unless there's some unmentioned spatial anomaly going on here. The later line "External measurements of SCP-2940 also show that only two floors are present from the outside." explains the height discrepancy, but you might want to mention it sooner.

You have a point, but I'm afraid I'll have to leave it as is. Seems no matter what way I organize this, it's going to be confusing, since the anomalies' (the structure and the occupants) effects are dependent on each other.

Also, what do you mean "from the outside"? You can't really see the floors when you're outside this thing, because underground.

There are methods to do so out there.

This makes it sound like you can leave a watch on floor 1, go to floor 3, and see the passage of time. Things like this may be why people are so confused by this article.

I'll switch around the description of the properties, that might help

You've already introduced the -A's as "families of three to five (each referred to as Group A through E)", which is confusing.

You are finding a lot of important problems.

"The cranium has been replaced with a fleshless skull, identified as Falco rusticolus, and both arms have wings extending from the Humerus. The plumage is also identifiable as that of Falco rusticolus."

Using part of this. I don't want to have to say Falco rusticolus more than twice, and I already mention earlier that it's part of the that bird's skeletal system.

Also, it occurs to me that there's no reason for the Foundation to be treating this as one entity spread across multiple places. Why isn't it described as 10 identical entities, with increasing hostility, etc.? You could almost interpret this as literally just one entity that somehow follows Foundation personnel, teleports between floors or something, and gets more hostile the further down they are because reasons.

That's a neat idea, but it conflicts with the original image and story I had for the article.

The description of how it kills people really isn't all that interesting, and may be a good place to cut a lot of wordiness. We can just sort of assume "big freaky dead bird man kills dudes good", unless those descriptions are really important somehow.

Will edit.

This strikes me oddly. Why not just 'weeping'?

I never clarify if the thing is a man or not, it just uses a male body. Thought I would just leave in there to clarify.

Also, if they can't get to floor 9, how do they get to floor 10?

The stairwell connecting all floors is like that of any other stairwell; stairs leading to each floor, with a doorway (like a hospital or an office building).

apparatuses

I was unsure about this, since the definition of apparatus implies it refers to all technical equipment of one mechanism, which would be the bunker. I guess I'll change it.

all that other stuff

Yup, changed

Honestly, I don't see how this pertains to Pitch Haven at all, and if any of those details link to it, I can't find the connection.

This is because I decided to not use any of Fantem's characters, since I didn't want to mess with the plot he was developing. I am writing a tale to connect this article and 1530, as Ananias, Salix, and Willow were all Edenites. In fact, I didn't know Fantem was writing a canon using all his articles until he told me.

I appreciate the in depth review, you should do them more. :P

TL333s 19 May 2015 23:50

I don't cuz they're time consuming D:

There are methods to do so out there.

Ah, hm. Maybe just rephrase it then, mention imaging or something. The way it's written now, it sounds like people are just looking at it from an underground level.

Using part of this. I don't want to have to say Falco rusticolus more than twice, and I already mention earlier that it's part of the that bird's skeletal system.

You could maybe replace the second with "gyrfalcon" so we get that context without a footnote? It's not elegant, but it could work.

That's a neat idea, but it conflicts with the original image and story I had for the article.

Well, it's the kind of thing that the reader could guess about the document, rather than have it stated outright.

I never clarify if the thing is a man or not, it just uses a male body. Thought I would just leave in there to clarify.

I'm not sure it's that important, honestly. I mean, having a male body, the reader is likely to assume it's male. Again, unless this is a really important detail to the overarching thingy you're trying to do.

The stairwell connecting all floors is like that of any other stairwell; stairs leading to each floor, with a doorway (like a hospital or an office building).

I think I derped on this one, nevermind.

This is because I decided to not use any of Fantem's characters, since I didn't want to mess with the plot he was developing. I am writing a tale to connect this article and 1530, as Ananias, Salix, and Willow were all Edenites. In fact, I didn't know Fantem was writing a canon using all his articles until he told me.

Ah, hm. Well, the connection's in there with the names, at least. I just have no idea what the rest of it is getting at. Yet. :B

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