SCP-1730 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1730.

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What happened to Site-13?

djkaktus 13 Apr 2015 22:46

Goooooood question!

Anyway, this is my latest skip after taking a long time off to not write skips. It's super long, so if that isn't your kind of thing it's cool! If not, then I hope you enjoy it!

Thanks to everybody in chat who checked it out and gave advice. I really appreciate it!

Edit: Made some updates, so here are some image sources.

• explo.jpg is https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Old_South_Fremantle_Power_Station_(6916665231).jpg, licensed under CC.
• warehouse.png is https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:South_Fremantle_Power_Station.jpg
• power.jpg is from here: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_Old_Ipswich_Power_Station_1984_-_geograph.org.uk_-_292440.jpg
• 1730warning.png, bleed.jpg, classified2.png, graph.jpg, writing.jpg, and camera.jpg, are all original works of my own, released under CC.
• exploration.jpg is https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Defense.gov_photo_essay_080605-F-3798Y-294.jpg, and is public domain.

Last edited on 21 Apr 2020 14:34 by djkaktus Show more

Re: What happened to Site-13?

nimaep 14 Apr 2015 03:51

This is really good! Ominous tone throughout kept me on edge the whole time. I love how you managed to use the clinical Foundation tone throughout, yet it was actually fun to read. Thanks!

Re: What happened to Site-13?

ACoG 18 May 2019 04:16

My only complaint is that the addendums containing exploration/recovery logs read less like transcripts and more like scripts. Like for a play. There's description where there doesn't need to be (it is not usually relevant to the mission or the SCP when a task force member laughs), and insufficient description in other places (those Samsara guys sure do pause a lot, instead of, say, take a moment to survey their surroundings, or something similarly more detailed).

Continuing with that second point, there are so, SO many spots where you repeat verbs way too many times in quick succession. Pauses, motions, etc.

You also tend to stray away from the "toneless/impartial" inflection I would expect from an in-universe SCP employee typing up an actual transcript. I don't really know how to describe it better than that. I'm talking about your narrative scene/event descriptions, not your characters' dialogue. It causes the addendums to lose a certain sense of professionalism.

With all that in mind, I did like this enough to re-read it. It's good overall.

Decibelles 13 Apr 2015 23:09

Reminiscient of articles like 093 and 455; the stuff that was scary and spooky without delving directly into creepypasta, with exploration logs that gave me chills and wanted to keep coming back to the site. The ending is a bit iffy for me, but with the first log that you added, I'm more confident upvoting this.

Dr Reach 14 Apr 2015 07:19

I thought of 455 all throughout. Excellent work, Kaktus. Please, have my boat upped.

LurkD 13 Apr 2015 23:47

As discussed in chat, a bit lengthy but a good story overall. And hey! Nice graph! Perhaps you want to make it a tad larger or at least a 'click to enlarge' feature? That way you can keep it small and people have the option of seeing your work in depth.

Try it if you want:

[[div class="scp-image-block" style="width:{$width};"]]
[[image http://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-1730/graph.jpg link="*http://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-1730/graph.jpg" style="width:300;"]]
[[div class="scp-image-caption" style="width:300;"]]
Image recovered from power station terminal.
[[/div]]
[[div class="scp-image-caption" style="width:300; border: none"]]
[click image to enlarge]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

EDIT: Added by me at request of author.

Last edited on 13 Apr 2015 23:54 by LurkD Show more

Leviathan34 13 Apr 2015 23:56

Some people might complain at the length, but I'm really glad it's as long as it is. Absolutely excellent. +1

Anborough 14 Apr 2015 03:19

Jesus Christ, Kaktus, could you have possibly made this any longer? We got supplements for a reason, y'know.

Aside from that, damn this was good.

Scorpion451 14 Apr 2015 03:32

This is one of those that reminds me why I love this site. Could happily have read several dozen more pages of this.

Last edited on 14 Apr 2015 03:33 by Scorpion451 Show more

Thekillerax 14 Apr 2015 04:08

Mobile Task Force D12

All I can imagine now is Eminen and co. working for the Foundation, goddamnit kaktus
On topic: overall, I thought this was pretty damn solid. Very reminiscent of skips like SCP-093 and SCP-1919, which are some of my favorite on the site. There's something awfully horrifying about exploration-based skips like these, as each log slowly amps up the horror, each seemingly disparate in terms of content but linked by common motifs that drive home the ominous feel magnificently. The buildup of tension was fantastic and several segments of the logs had me recoiling in horror- in particular the last part of the first log with D12-2 and D12-5- which is something that almost no skips have done.
However, I do have some gripes with it. The part where the drone finds Dr. Bright seems like name-dropping for the sake of name-dropping. At first it terrified me because of the implications it carried, but it didn't really take them anywhere. Are there now two Dr. Brights in our reality? Is our Dr. Bright actually from that reality and completely foreign to ours? It could've been the creepiest part of the skip but I feel it wasn't used to its full potential. The ending was also pretty meh, as mistreatment of humanoid skips by cruel Foundation members is a plot point that has been done many times and no longer really affects me that much.
I am willing to look past these minor problems I had just because of how wonderfully unsettling this is. You done good kaktus

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And if the whole world is crashing down… fall through space out of mind with me.

(account deleted) 08 Jul 2018 22:18

SCP-3333 also has nice exploration logs

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Heartful 14 Apr 2015 05:05

This is fucking longer than all of my high school english papers combined. And you managed to make me interested throughout the entire thing. Take your +1.

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LilyFlower is cute and amazing <3

Pudding01 29 Mar 2016 17:03

Not my Highschool's! Ms. Sandy really liked her long papers… (probably why she didn't get those back to us until summer vacation…)

Communism will win 14 Apr 2015 06:25

This is a huge nitpick, but .txt files don't have formatting like bold, text size, images, and dot colors. Maybe they could be .rtf or .log?

Time to read the actual article.

EDIT: I'm with the scps on this one tbh

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if your reading this your gay

Last edited on 14 Apr 2015 08:11 by Communism will win Show more

Petrograd 14 Apr 2015 07:39

Ok, so. I love the idea of a Site kicked across reality. I like the world-building of the alternate universe to an extent, although the idea of a less-ethical Foundation equivalent is depressing as all get-out. I like the random Jack Bright appearance, and think it would have been deeply amusing if they had found him. The cognitohazard integration was interesting.

However, you also made me slog through multiple pages of MTF-in-an-anomalous-building snuff fic. That's just not interesting to me on its own terms anymore, and I don't think the storybuilding-per-wordcount ratio in those segments was even remotely worth it.

I guess I'm ultimately downvoting.

Major Blackwood 09 May 2015 00:05

Pretty much what I was thinking. I also just didn't find it altogether very entertaining to read, and this kind of concept (exploration-based SCP) has been done quite a lot already -1.

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