Is this a rewrite? Because I think this got deleted before.
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-828.
Copyediting:
"with white, pupilless eyes, long "hair" composed of kelp-like unbranched stipes of Alaria esculenta."
Missing "and"
"The following interview was conducted after the child's has been translated from Inuktitut."
The child's what? Speech?
+1, but I'd suggest reading over the whole thing again for these sort of mistakes
Seems you've found a pretty excellent well of material to draw on, Vivax. I look forward to seeing more Teriaq!
Upvoted with enthusiasm! +1
It´s been a while since I read a SCP that really moved me like this one.
(account deleted)Really liked it! but i'm just confused as to the number 828. isn't series 1 complete?
Sometimes, Series 1 or Series 2 articles get deleted due to low ratings. Sometimes they'll be rewritten, and other times not.
Pretty good, but I think the containment procedures are WAAY too lax for an Euclid object (any object, really). The Foundation wouldn't let ANY skip just roam an unsecured body of water. Heck, even SCP-999, what is probably the most harmless creature ever to exist, is still limited to roam onsite in the actual facility.
Aside from that, I have a few minor quibbles with the interview logs. They get rather long and excessive, and I don't feel that they are in-character for the Foundation, but that's just my opinion.
Anyways, +1 from me, I really liked this one.
Disappointed this isn't a rewrite of The Clamp. That was a concept that had a lot of potential. This..is a uninteresting fish person and a hamfisted attempt at inspiring feels. Downvoted.
I kind of like the idea but in some places the execution could be a little better. Some of the language seems out of place. How many children know the word 'maternal' and use it to describe a fish person, even under the influence of a pheromone? Another note: Even though LeChatlier was conducting an unofficial interview, he was still a Foundation employee and saying things like "they want to mostly stare at you" seems out of character. Reserving my vote for now.
This skip of mine has been sitting here for a week at +27. Lots of people seem to be ambivalent to it. Help me help you. I wanna make this article awesome.
As an Inupiat from Alaska, I rather like this skip and feel like you could do more with the mythology. I can't think of anything specific, but DAMN do I love me some Inuit skips.
I haven't finished reading yet, but one glaring nit I have to pick so threw me out of the article, I thought it only fair to comment about it before continuing.
I highly doubt any child would use the word "maternal" to describe anything. Putting quotes around it makes it seem as if it was a direct quote from the children. Either this is a cheap anomalous effect that causes children's vernacular to improve just to describe this thing's smell, or you can just get rid of the quotes.
EDIT: There was also a than/then confusion that I fixed. Not sure if it was intentional to convey imprecise translation, but I figured it was just an accident. Revert if necessary.
EDIT2: Okay, finished the with piece. +1! Is this an actual figure of cultural folklore? If so the reference is unfortunately lost on me, but I loved the mystique hidden behind clinical description here.
Initially I was worried about some cheap Adult Fear with the attraction to children, but the creature's own remorse for having to hunt children comes through pretty well.
I also really like the slightly-more-sympathetic-than-normal depiction of the Foundation here. "Keep things as restrained as they need to be". I like that a lot.
/forum/t-1107886/scp-828#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
