So when I originally had this idea, a bunch of people decided they liked it so much that they all wanted to collaborate on it. Unfortunately the collaboration didn't work out, but I feel they should be credited anyway as at this point I don't remember which ideas came from where. So, thanks to MaliceAforethought, stormfallen, Varaxous and SirBaubius for brainstorming the earlier versions of this with me.
I recently decided that I still liked the idea enough that I wanted to carry on with it, so I brushed it off, rewrote huge chunks of it, and here we are.
Thanks to CaptainKirby, Swaghetti, Leveritas, ARD and weryillium for reading the draft.
You can find more of my stuff here.