Despite a few awkwardly worded sentences, this is really good. The concept turned out to be far more disturbing than I expected.
Thanks!
Also, I'd like to thank the many people in chat who put up with me begging for help. Dmatix, Djoric, Adeila, KaiserCrab, Nok_, Vivax, Piefish and Athena_Gray, I hope I got your names right.
Humans < telepathic prunes. Pruuuuuuuuuuuuuunes.
As funny as it is to me, I gotta ask - how/why do they autocannibalize, if they can't eat, have no organs, and no apparent need for sustenance? Why isn't the Foundation allowed to test this effect? Couldn't they use these stem cells?
I do like the interview, though. Hm.
E: Got it. I was being stupid and didn't really think about it. I'm still curious about the lack of testing, but the prunes are solid.
I actually thought the interview was the weakest point, myself. The entry would be as good, if not better, if it was cut.
All in all, the article is well written, and the SCP itself is pretty darn creepy.
+1
EDIT - For clarity, I think the interview isn't needed because it doesn't need to be a people-focused story. The story of this SCP is it's squicky effects. The description does a good job of taking the reader through a little journey as the cove and its effects are described in escalating horror.
EDIT 2 - Of course, since you're getting only +1's so far, my opinion about the interview log is simply that. A humble, personal opinion :)
They do need to eat. If they don't, they start eating themselves, losing mass until there's nothing left.
Um, why they hell did they let Wong and Rogers go? Rogers obviously went into the water and he is therefore infected with this thing. The next time he takes a shower he'll turn into one of these blobs.
Edit: Nevermind, I just saw the parts about it needing complete submersion and that he only waded in it.
with the cover story of accidentally swimming among Chironex flickeri.
You mean Chironex fleckeri.
IwentintothewaterIwentintothewaterIwentintothewater
I'm not sure why he's panicking. In fact, I'm not sure why you're using the cover story of jellyfish, because that specific type of jellyfish has an extremely painful and noticeable sting, and if we told the interviewees that's what made their friends melted, I don't think they would have bought it.
Wong and Rogers were given Class A amnestics released following containment of SCP-2051.
Didn't Rogers enter SCP-2051? Wouldn't he become SCP-2051-1 if he takes a bath or something?
Take a look at my post.
He only waded in it, complete submersion is required for people to be infected.
The jellyfish are a cover story for people who haven't seen the effect yet. The two girls being interviewed know - the Foundation just allows people to know briefly for interviews since they're going to be amnesticised immediately after.
I have to say, it's a damn good cover story, as the dangers of box jellyfish are well known among Australians (source: am one) and we don't take our chances with those little pricks. R.I.P Steve Irwin. :(
EDIT: Shit, just realised I necroposted because I can't be bothered to check the date of things. Sorry.
I like this concept. I like the description of body horror.
However, the interview felt a bit off to me. When that one guy started panicking, I was halfway expecting him to turn into an instance of SCP-2051-1. I understand they both stutter a lot because they're under shock, but I think it would've been pulled off better if you provided a more vivid description of the pain the people felt when being converted (physically and emotionally).
Other than that, you got my upvote.
Good body horror, as it doesn't rely on gore. Nice potential for fridge horror, too, with the psychological horror aspect. I really like the telepathy bit.
I agree with others that the interview is the weakest point, but am on the fence as to whether or not I'd recommend cutting it entirely. I suppose Strunk and White would argue to cut that which doesn't definitely add.
Also the tenses switch around in the containment procedures, moving from a description of a fence that's apparently already there to a description of where monitors and guards "are to be placed."
No vote for now. This fairly straight forward body horror. It is well executed but there is nothing to really hold my attention. With better interviews or logs I might find myself drawn into the narrative enough to about the people turning into telepathic lumps.
I like the idea, but god damn, the interview logs just kill it for me. The stuttering doesn't feel right at all. Also that random "Iwentintothewater" bit seems like the author tried really hard to insert something scary right there. Novote for now.
+1 because I was effectively grossed out to what happened to those poor kids. I wish you would revise the interview log so the rambly parts weren't so artistic with the spacing when they started panicking—it didn't seem like an authentic log; it read more like a diary entry. Otherwise, well done!