SCP-4580 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4580.

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A review of SCP-4580

Dr Patriarchy 10 Feb 2019 14:43

I like the way this is written. The clever usage (and proper vocabulary) of Norse Mythology has always been a favorite of mine. However, there were some phrases that were a bit unclear. During the segment between the doctor and the Ravens, a few sentences can be more properly ended by simply adding semicolons instead of commas. All in all, an interesting and great read.
Dr. P.

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Amicum meum ad sidera. To the stars and back.

Re: A review of SCP-4580

IAmtheBushman 10 Feb 2019 18:06

Dr. P,

Thank you very much! I put a lot of work into this SCP, and I am happy to hear that you enjoy it!

IAmtheBushman 10 Feb 2019 18:10

I just want to say that I find it funny that the SCP has zero ratings not because no one has read it, but because 6 people gave it a +1 and 6 people gave it a -1

Well RIP

IAmtheBushman 10 Feb 2019 20:03

I guess this is getting taken down. I'm sorry most of yall didn't like it. Hopefully I do better next time!

Re: Well RIP

Lamentte 10 Feb 2019 20:36

Don't be so fatalistic, this only got posted today, and is at -2 with 13 votes. There's still a chance it'll stay up.

Last edited on 10 Feb 2019 20:37 by Lamentte Show more

Re: Well RIP

IAmtheBushman 10 Feb 2019 21:23

Laneous,

Thank you. I do hope it stays up. It's nice to know that negative votes doesn't instantly mean it's getting taken down.

Generic_Viking 11 Feb 2019 17:41

Interesting concept, but this SCP is free to relocate itself at will, making it at least a "euclid" class object. It also presents a data-security risk. I feel like the Researcher here should be trying to negotiate with gold and gems instead of just freely offering up Foundation secrets.

IAmtheBushman 11 Feb 2019 23:21

Generic_Viking,

I will be changing the class from safe to euclid. Thank you for your input!

Notes on 4580

CryonicAutumn 11 Feb 2019 22:55

I like the concept of Odin's Ravens in-universe with the exchange of secrets coming into play and think that this has quite a bit of potential. I do think your clinical tone needs a bit more work, but the concept is done well enough that it stands as its own unique thing. I would recommend feeding the text into a text-to-speech program to refine it (I find that hearing your own writing can be helpful). Currently, I think that the Special Containment Procedures are the weakest bit of the article, which can cause a larger impact on the piece's rating than something further into the article. The later stuff is much more interesting though, and as I said I think that exchangers of secrets are an excellent fit for the universe.

Overall, interesting article with a slow start. Gave it a +1 after fixing the two leftover "SCP-XXXX"s.

Re: Notes on 4580

IAmtheBushman 11 Feb 2019 23:20

CryonicAutum,

First of all, thank you for changing the "SCP-XXXX"s that I didn't catch. I appreciate that. Second of all, I will try to improve the containment proceedures. Thank you very much for your feedback!

Researcher WTD 12 Feb 2019 08:10

So after initially just kind of looking at this long wall of text I skipped over it and went on to different ones but today i finally got to reading and it honestly is very interesting.

I think the biggest weakness of your article is that it needs a stronger hook to keep the viewer reading up to the more interesting parts. Or you could try to split up the giant description block a bit so it's less intimidating.

Overall a very enjoyable read though after getting to the good parts so +1

MathBrush 13 Feb 2019 00:01

I'm going to no-vote this one. The concept is interesting, but the execution feels 'off' to me.

Specifically, I feel like the Foundation isn't responding realistically here. They go into great detail about the appearance and behavior of the crows, and just throw in 'and then transforms into a human' as if transforming is a simple thing requiring no explanation.

Similarly, in the conversation, immediately agreeing to the Raven's terms, referring to them by name and offering them secrets without any thought. I feel like, if the Foundation respected them, they would not refer to them by SCP-4580 to begin with, and if they didn't respect them, they would keep using SCP-4580. And I feel like they would need to consult with their superiors.

I feel like the boring is dragged out and the awesome is rushed over, so many fine-tuning that would be good, and could help with that 'hook' Researcher WTD mentioned.

IAmtheBushman 13 Feb 2019 15:24

MathBrush,

Thank you for your critisism! Anyway, I'm sorry I didn't respond until now, as I was busy with school. I will try to implament all the requested changes as I feel necassary. Thank you again!

Cloud 13 16 Feb 2019 00:40

There is an SCP-XXXX in the containment procedures.

IAmtheBushman 17 Feb 2019 22:36

Thank you for catching that, the change has been made!

Last edited on 17 Feb 2019 22:50 by IAmtheBushman Show more

Quasibenevolence 17 Feb 2019 08:01

Don't describe an object as a subset of the scp designation (SCP-Z-X, where X is the subset) paragraphs after introducing the object. 4580-4 is a tree. Tell me it's a tree when you introduce 4580-4, not ages after.

Straight-up: the Foundation wouldn't exchange Foundation secrets for secrets. If there is ever a breach, the Foundation would have just handed whoever reached this object the secrets of the Foundation. The Foundation would either dictate terms or, if possible, negotiate for some precious commodity. This isn't an appeal to canon, just good sense. If I have a ton of cash and a lot of dangerous secrets, I'll trade in cash, not secrets. If I'm dirt poor, then and only then do you find out what happened at Band Camp.

IAmtheBushman 17 Feb 2019 22:38

Quasibenevolence,

Thank you for your input. I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner, I have been very busy. Anyway, for one, I will try to clarify that SCP-4580-4 is a tree earlier in the article. Secondly, I have had several requestes to redo the interview log, so that will be coming soon. Thank you again!

Last edited on 17 Feb 2019 22:38 by IAmtheBushman Show more

IAmtheBushman 18 Mar 2019 03:39

Image Source: https://www.shutterstock.com/video/search/odins-ravens

Junior Staff Post

Elenee FishTruck 18 Mar 2019 22:45

While I thank you for sourcing the photo, the source in question is still non-compliant with the SCP wiki's license (CC-BY-SA 3.0) because shutterstock's license allows for the use of their photos in non-commercial works only, AKA "NC", which violates the SCP wiki's license. Thus, the image has been taken down from the article.

EDIT: A new cc-compliant image has been put up.

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Mm Mm Good

Last edited on 22 Mar 2019 22:43 by Elenee FishTruck Show more

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