SCP-4304 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4304.

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These wings on your back aren't a dream

NatVoltaic 02 Feb 2019 02:15

Here's a draft I've whipped up in the span of two days. Originally this was going to be a Clichecon article, but I decided against it and ended up scrapping the idea that would qualify it for the contest.

Thanks to DrAnnoyingDog and Uncle Nicolini for crit! Bonus thanks for Nicolini for coming up with the title.

EDIT: Since I forgot to mention this before, this is part of the in-progress Ad Astra Per Aspera canon — essentially a vast space opera set in a future post-veil loss Foundationverse. No tag exists for it yet, but a list of all articles in it can be found here!

Last edited on 02 Feb 2019 19:57 by NatVoltaic Show more

thewalkindude 02 Feb 2019 02:46

I'm not sure if I like the use of the term "Thaumaturgy" in this. I get that you're going for "any science sufficiently advanced enough appears to be magic", but I kind of feel like the Foundation in this sci-fi setting is too advanced to accept "it's magic" as an explanation anymore.

Zzuxon 03 Feb 2019 16:58

The Foundation in this sci-fi setting is advanced enough to recognize that Magic is a science. In this universe, magic is magic, not some application of a conventional science the Foundation doesn't understand yet. It's its own thing. Thaumaturgy is the only appropriate term.

Crow-Cat 02 Feb 2019 04:52

This. Is. Good.

Ad Astra Per Aspera tag when?

Dr Jezbel 02 Feb 2019 11:04

A "cool" antihero summoming mechas with jitsus is the the thing I want to see the least from an scp. A cameo from nobody doesn't help either. -1

rattles 02 Feb 2019 15:20

I love alternate context Foundations. +1

A Random Day 02 Feb 2019 15:34

This article’s tragedy is that it’s a boring story about a magic mecha in space. The article clearly hews after the super robot sub-genre of mecha. Unfortunately, the clinical tone required in an SCP strips out the style and flashiness of the action sequences and replaces them with a dull sterility. I don’t get any frisson from learning about the exoskeleton’s cool weapons or how they work, because you fall back on thaumaturgy as a narrative crutch to let you have all these cool weapons without bothering to talk about them in any depth. Katrina Kuang and Nobody aren’t developed at all, and the setting—a space station near Mars—has zero consequence on the story at all. You could have implemented some cool zero-G sequences or utilized the geometry of the O’Neill cylinder for an escape sequence, but the space station reads no differently from a generic metropolis set twenty years into Broken Masquerade. The article feels like one big missed opportunity.

Last edited on 02 Feb 2019 15:41 by A Random Day Show more

LilyFlower 02 Feb 2019 15:52

I really dislike the CSS here. It feels garish, doesn't work on mobile, and makes the page genuinely hard to read.

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~🌸~Flower Power~🌸~

Sergeimosin 06 Feb 2019 15:58

I second this statement. The CSS made my eyes strain trying to read it, and damaged the immersion factor quite a bit, and made me skip around trying to just get the highlights.

Other than that, I got heavy Xenosaga notes from this guy (just picturing an AGWS attacking itself made me smile) so no vote for now because I think I might like it once that CSS gets removed.

NatVoltaic 12 Feb 2019 00:10

For everyone who had issues with readability due to the theme, I've just edited it so the text color is a light gray as opposed to the previous white. From what others have said this does improve things but if not do let me know so I can see what other edits I can make.

Last edited on 12 Feb 2019 03:50 by NatVoltaic Show more

Pedantique 12 Feb 2019 00:51

It’s much more readable for me now. Thank you very much! I felt like it was a real struggle the first time I read it, so I’ll have to go through it again.

SpringingTraps 15 Mar 2019 16:48

This theme gives me LIFE

+1

NatVoltaic 29 Mar 2019 20:36

I may as well address that I've removed the current AAPA theme from this article. You can check out my post on 3417 if you want more info about it.

On a related note, I do plan on rewrite 4304 soon (likely in a radically different style than before). Stay tuned.

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