Heart of Ouachita

Summary:

An irregular aquatic anomaly impossible to contain, consideration for a past article.

Heart of Ouachita

GaPSMAV 24 Jan 2019 01:27

This is going to need some context.

+ Context

A few weeks ago, user jkiddf posted a skip to the main site that eventually went into deletion. I gave a short critique and a few suggestions I thought would make the article better, but at the end I asked if I could do a rewrite of the article. I even sent him a PM about doing a rewrite, but got no response either time. I'm fine with that, and I understand he has the right to refuse a rewrite.

He touched up the article a bit and re-posted it in the Drafts and Critiques forum for review, but unfortunately, it still missed the mark a bit. The forum post can be viewed >here<, and the sandbox page can be viewed >here<.

Long story short, I got impatient and wrote a "rewrite" anyway… except it isn't really a rewrite. I kept only the core concept (an infinite source of water that cannot be contained) and wrote an entirely new article from the ground up. I cannot stress enough that I did not re-purpose any of jkiddf's work for my article. Only the basic concept.

So, first and foremost, I am looking for feedback on my article, "Heart of Ouachita," concerning its independence from jkiddf's original work. Secondly, a crit of the article in general regarding tone, grammar and spelling, ideas, and execution.

If anyone deems the two articles too similar, I am willing to give credit to the original author, or even refrain from posting altogether. jkiddf has been notified of this post.

+ Quick Links

jkiddf
jkiddf's Forum Post
"The Infinite Sink"
"Heart of Ouachita" (My submission.)

Thank you for your consideration,
GaPSMAV

Edit: Please note that I have contacted a member of the Rewrite Team, WrongJohnSilver, and have been informed that as long as the idea has failed to meet the standards of the Mainsite, and as long as I have made an attempt to contact jkiddf, I can post the new article as my own. Again, none of "The Infinite Sink" has been recycled except for the basic concept.

Last edited on 02 Feb 2019 12:48 by GaPSMAV Show more

Re: Heart of Ouachita

SoullessSingularity 26 Jan 2019 06:54

I'd argue against this unless you reach out to the user and if they give you a response within a few weeks. If not, then sure.

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Living the dream, or dreaming the life?

Re: Heart of Ouachita

GaPSMAV 26 Jan 2019 07:50

As I said, he has been notified through PM of this post, but I have not heard anything from him concerning the article. Do you think the two works are too similar to post without consent? I'd really appreciate a more in depth answer.

Last edited on 26 Jan 2019 08:00 by GaPSMAV Show more

Re: Heart of Ouachita

Reverend Fox 28 Jan 2019 16:04

GaPSMAV, I'd recommend contacting the Rewrite Team's primary contact, Quikngruvn, or their team captain, Modern_Erasmus. This way, you'll get a more in-depth answer.

Hope that helps, author! Good luck.

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"Sometimes you can approach feedback with a scalpel, sometimes only the sledgehammer approach will make your point clear."
~ Zyn - Forum Crit Team Captain @ The SCP Foundation

Last edited on 28 Jan 2019 16:47 by Reverend Fox Show more

Re: Heart of Ouachita

Reverend Fox 31 Jan 2019 07:13

Let's see what I can do for you.

Be forewarned, I use sarcastic humor here and there as a way to lighten the mood. Crits are always a bit awkward for both parties involved, so it breaks up the monotony and, hopefully, causes a chuckle every once in a while.

Some advice first.

++ Show Advice ++

Right, so your draft subverts all of my standard advice points. Congrats!

And now, on with the crit:

++ Show Full Crit ++

CONCEPT:

• This is a fairly interesting concept! A rift opens up and starts spilling out water, and the Foundation can't do a single damned thing about it.

SPECIFICS:

• In the ConProcs, you should more clearly define Site-441
• "… resembling a "rip" or "crack" with jagged edges." <— I don't think ‘rip’ and ‘crack’ should be in quotations.
• "The "rift" does not sit parallel …" <— Similar to above, ‘rift’ isn't something that necessarily requires quotations. Also, there is some slightly casual tone here. Try, "SCP-XXXX is not consistently parallel …"
• "… cubic meters …" <— This appears in multiple places. Try, for example, ‘4,600m³’. This can be achieved by using ‘m^^3^^’.
• "… estimated to have exceeded 10 Megabars (approximately 145,000,000 psi) …" <— Eh, I'd stick solely to Metric here.

The rest of this article, to me, is competently written and presents the information quite clearly.

The anomaly is interesting and presented in an entertaining manner. Good job!

There's not much more I can comment on here, so I'll recommend shopping the draft around the IRC (location: #thecritters) after addressing the few issues I pointed out above.

Good luck, author!

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"Sometimes you can approach feedback with a scalpel, sometimes only the sledgehammer approach will make your point clear."
~ Zyn - Forum Crit Team Captain @ The SCP Foundation

Last edited on 06 Feb 2019 00:22 by Reverend Fox Show more