FAM Radio "Season 2" page

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toadking07

Did you know there are limits to how many words you can have in a given article? This "season 2" page will collect new installments of the FAM radio podcast until further notice.

FAM Radio is an infrequent Podcast.
Episodes available on iTunes, Soundcloud, Youtube, Spotify and most podcast portals.

Foundation After Midnight Radio originally aired episode 01 on Feb 6th, 2014. Though the release schedule has been pretty hit or miss over the years, it's never quite been finished. New episodes roll out from time to time, so stay tuned for more.

This page continues with "season 2" of the podcast that didn't quite fit on the main FAM Radio Hub Page. New episodes will be updated here as the series continues and both pages will be changed as needed to reflect the new layout.

Fold

Table of Contents

Most Recent Broadcast

Season 2

Episode 07 "Better Late"

Episode 08 "The Radio Show Must Go On"

Episode 09 "I've Missed You, Listeners"

Episode 10 "Hand Over The DJ And No One Gets Hurt"

Episode 11 "Stay Where You Are"

Episode 12 "Everyone Should Go To Therapy"

Characters and Universe

Most Recent Broadcast

Season 2

Episode 07 "Better Late"

After a very long stretch of radio silence, DJ Scip is back! Sort of. Maybe? Definitely yes. I think. Listen in to Episode 07 of Foundation After Midnight Radio to find out!

00:00
BACKUP SYSTEM: The time is [12:01] [AM] at location site-[REDACTED]. It has been [REDACTED] days since last broadcast. Backup system protocol [EMPTY SEAT] initiated.

BACKUP SYSTEM: Beginning protocol:

BACKUP SYSTEM: Welcome to Foundation After Midnight Radio, the Foundation based radio show transmitting to all of you [LOVELY] Foundation personnel around the [WORLD].

BACKUP SYSTEM: The Foundation was established long ago to protect mankind from terrors and strange objects that would threaten the world as we know it. Working in the dark to keep civilization in the light. If you are hearing this broadcast you are more than likely an employee or operative of the Foundation, whether you are aware of this or not.

*MEMETIC KILL AGENT PLAYS*

BACKUP SYSTEM: [MEMETIC KILL AGENT] audio completed. All unauthorized listeners without proper clearance neutralized.

BACKUP SYSTEM: Please contact your local [SITE DIRECTOR] if you are not receiving this broadcast.

BACKUP SYSTEM: Now playing [NON MEMETIC] audio for your listening [PLEASURE]. Please enjoy, [SCP-ONE, TWO, REPORT TO]:

*SCP-ONE, TWO, REPORT TWO PLAYS*

BACKUP SYSTEM: [NON MEMETIC] audio enjoyment complete. The time is {EXACT TIME SINCE LAST TIME ANNOUNCEMENT}.

BACKUP SYSTEM: Seat pressure registered, switching to live audio feed. Protocol [EMPTY SEAT] on standby. Thank you for listening to the Foundation After Midnight Radio back up system.

ANDREW: Hmmmm, okay, now the mic is on, levels are good, looks like things were setup to broadcast buuuuuut no DJ Scip! Huh. Maybe he stepped out? Automated broadcast was playing though..

ANDREW: Well listeners, it has been a while.

ANDREW: I’m uh, not sure how long it’s been for you since the last manned broadcast, I took a leave of absence as my Foundation intramural softball team the Preserving Pendants made it to the international championship this year! Before things got messed up with the Foundation Space Program, my team had been knocked out of the brackets after most of the team died in a containment breach involving SCP… Uh, well it doesn’t matter as after the reality reset we were able to swing our way to victory, as DJ Scip would say!

ANDREW: I guess that’s our sports corner update for today! We beat the Site-103’s Critical Tomatoes team narrowly! Good game guys!

ANDREW: So that was, huh, that was a few weeks back at the least. Sorry, I just got back in here and I’m kind of just killing time until he gets back.

ANDREW: DJ Scip didn’t mention that he was going away anytime soon when I left. He said he’d have the broadcasts recorded for me to transcribe when I got back, but there doesn’t seem to be anything on the broadcast recorder..

ANDREW: Oh, looks like we’ve got a phone call coming in? Uh, okay, you’re on the air!

*PICKS UP CALL*

BELFORD: So I finally have a small break so shoot. Do your thing. Ask away, I’ll see what I can tell you.

ANDREW: Uhhhhh, okay then, what happened to DJ Scip?

BELFORD: What? How should I know? I thought this was the radio hotline number of his?

ANDREW: Ummmmm, no wait, yes, this is the Foundation After Midnight Radio hotline, but I’m not DJ Scip. He scheduled an interview with you right now?

BELFORD: Well no, not actually right now, but he's been bugging me to come on the show for a month.I finally had a breakthrough in my research and I’m waiting to hear back from my good for nothing team lead to move things forward. Figured this would be the most efficient use of my time. I hadn’t heard from DJ Scip or whatever he’s going by now for awhile and the silent treatment always gets at me, so here I am.

ANDREW: And you would be..?

BELFORD: I'm Researcher Belford. Dr. Belford? I’m from the Memetics Department? Oh I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you’re just what? The station intern?

ANDREW: No, I’m the assistant and or replacement midnight DJ host. I could interview you right now if you’d like!

BELFORD: And you are?

ANDREW: Oh, I'm Andrew. Usually I just transcribe the broadcasts.

BELFORD: Do you have any idea what branch I work in? What my research encompasses?

ANDREW: Uh, the Memetics branch?

BELFORD: …

ANDREW: Did DJ Scip actually know either? You could explain it to me on air?

BELFORD: I think I'll call back another time. I’m going to send another passive aggressive email out before the weekend excuses everyone from checking their emails for two days.

ANDREW: Okay, I'll be sure to let DJ Scip know you stopped by, Ms Belford.

BELFORD: Oh he will be aware. And it's Dr. Belford. Goodbye.

ANDREW: Right, got ya. Bye.

*CALL ENDS*

ANDREW: This is why I’m glad I don’t work with researchers anymore.. Ah, ummm, ahhh well, the voicemail light is flashing so, let's play some of those!

*RESEARCHER HADLEY BAND MESSAGE PART 2 PLAYS*

ANDREW: I’ll pass that along to Scip as he’s in charge of the music line up, though I now look forward to hearing the “Bleeding Radios.” I don’t play but I always love Foundation based music groups!

ANDREW: Next voicemail coming at you!

*AGENT HOSMAN MESSAGE PLAYS*

ANDREW: Oh uh, they’re talking about what happened back over Christmas while I had some time off for the holidays.. Hmmm, not sure on the date on that. Well, uh, congratulations on the promotion, Doctor Hosman now!

ANDREW: Let’s see who else called in.

*VOICEMAIL MESSAGE PLAYS*

ANDREW: Well, thank you, I’m sure DJ Scip appreciates your call and I know I’m glad we’re helping to keep the morale up. I think I can save this for him to hear when he gets back, yeah there we go.
ANDREW: Hmmm, does seem to be a pile of papers next to the soundboard here. Let me sort through this pile, so while I do that, here’s a word from our sponsor!

*MESSAGE FROM TOADKING07 PLAYS*

ANDREW: Welcome back listeners. Seems we have a note for immediate announcement,

ANDREW: “Experiment Chamber Sixteen will be temporarily unavailable to staff until the dimensional breach in the chamber is closed. The dimensional breach was reportedly caused due to an unauthorized experiment involving SCP-826.”

ANDREW: Side note, for those unfamiliar that is a pair of bookends that transform a room into the setting of whatever book is between them.

ANDREW: The note continues: “All personnel involved are directed to read the Foundation’s policy on fanfiction, specifically the crossover subsection, and report to Human Resources.”

ANDREW: Well, as far as experiments gone wrong, fanfiction coming to life doesn’t sound like the worst, but that definitely is a gross use of SCP artifacts…Also, why ponies?
ANDREW: I’ve got an announcement that was pre-recorded by DJ Scip! Seems it was queued to go out before, so not sure how long he’s been sitting on it but here goes:

*DJ SCIP ANNOUNCEMENT PLAYS*

DJ Scip: Just a quick announcement from the O5 Council: There is no SCP designation between numbers 2520 and 2522. For all intents and purposes, there is no such number in any regard.

DJ Scip: On an unrelated note, the pervasive memetics on Foundation sites has recently been updated. Anyone who finds that they are missing a number in the region of 2520 to 2525, but can not understand why, should report to Medical for treatment. The less you know about it the better!- O5-[REDACTED]

ANDREW: Okay, well that might not have been as helpful as they were hoping. But he’s not wrong, the less you know about SCP-2521, the better!

ANDREW: Moving on, I’ve got some more announcements here. Ahem, Here’s your “Dog Fact of the Day: Your lifestyle determines your deathstyle.” Wait, what? Why is that in here?

ANDREW: Okay, the rest of these are either past the date or don’t make much more sense than that last one.

ANDREW: Well the red light is still flashing so I guess we still have more messages to go through.

*RESEARCHER HADLEY PART 2 MESSAGE PLAYS*

ANDREW: Ah, well that’s an unfortunate turn of events. Sorry to hear it, I was looking forward to that. To our listeners, if you or anyone you know has Foundation related music you’d like aired in future broadcasts, be sure to submit it to moc.lliamg|oidarmaf.39pcs#moc.lliamg|oidarmaf.39pcs! We look forward to hearing what you got!!

ANDREW: Geez, how many messages has DJ Scip let sit on here? Next voicemail!

*DJ SCIP MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Hey Andrew, just calling to let you know I'm running from the smoothie place and will be a little late. I realize now that you probably have already left for your softball team championship, so I guess tonight I'm having two smoothies. Oh well, worse things can happen, I'll catch you when you get back.

DJ SCIP: Okay, one more thing, that's the second time that van has circled by, and I'm not seeing the typical Foundation markings and tell tale play on SCP branding so I'm going to guess I'm being followed. Yup, third time they've circled around now. Guess I’m about to get kidnapped. Yep, they’re getting out and they have black ski masks on.

GOI THUG #1: There's out guy! Get'em!

DJ Scip: Don’t worry, I’m complying. I’m *twack, phone drops* oh, and he punched me. Well now I’m not gonna make this easy for you. DEAD WEIGHT! DEAD WEIGHT!

GOI THUG #2 : You're coming with us!

GOI THUG #2: Get him in the van!

GOI THUG #1: DRIVE DRIVE!

*CAR DOOR SLAMS, VAN DRIVES AWAY*

ANDREW: Oh shit.
19:53

Episode 08 "The Radio Show Must Go On"

The radio show must go on! DJ Scip has been kidnapped and Andrew has had to step up at the main host for the midnight radio broadcasts. But he’s not alone in that booth. Hopefully it doesn’t get too crowded in there for him..

00:00
BACKUP SYSTEM: The time is [12:01] [AM] at location Site-[REDACTED]. Foundation Security Advisory Level: [TUSCAN YELLOW]. Broadcast schedule: [LIMITED]. Broadcast frequency FAM 93 point [REDACTED].

BACKUP SYSTEM: Backup system protocol [EMPTY SEAT] on standby.

BACKUP SYSTEM: Welcome to Foundation After Midnight Radio, the [LATE NIGHT] radio show that serves the [GLOBAL] Foundation community with site announcements, interpersonnel news, and other [ENTERTAINING] audio segments.

BACKUP SYSTEM: If you believe you have received this signal by mistake, please stay where you are. You may have questions such as; What is the Foundation? Where is it located, how does it operate? Please continue listening for more information.

BACKUP SYSTEM: Clearance Level [ZERO] accessed. While much of this information is [CLASSIFIED], at its core, the Foundation stands to protect humankind, the planet earth, and the prevailing reality. There exist groups, entities, and phenomena that threaten human life outside of what is deemed normal, rational, and acceptable.

BACKUP SYSTEM: accessing recent archives: SCP-3024 The doxing ghost account, SCP-3009 the insulting sentient skee-ball machine, and SCP 3040 the left hand of a former Foundation Agent which now hosts an extradimensional void of unknown volume.

BACKUP SYSTEM: Instances are secured, contained, and protected when possible. Neutralization is held as a last resort. The Foundation is not cruel. The Foundation is calculated. The Foundation is listening.

*PLAYS MEMETIC KILL AGENT INTRO*

Computer: [MEMETIC KILL AGENT] audio completed. All unauthorized listeners neutralized. Stalling protocol successful.Thank you for listening.

BACKUP SYSTEM: For listeners who are still [CONSCIOUS], the Foundation After Midnight Radio team thanks you for your patience during the increased security measures.

BACKUP SYSTEM: Your regularly scheduled radio programming will now continue.

ANDREW: Welcome back listeners, you are listening to FAM Radio, newly relocated over here at site, well, I still don’t think I can say that on the air. [REDACTED] Nope, still scrambled.

ANDREW: Ever since DJ Scip got uh, well, since he got kidnapped, things have been a bit tense around the facility. Just take a listen to this voicemail left on the radio hotline number:

*SECRETARY TO O-5 MESSAGE PLAYS*

ANDREW: And there’s been a few others that have come in through various channels as well. We here at the radio station do appreciate your concerns and thoughts on finding DJ Scip, though to be honest I’m as in the dark as you all are. The various Foundation security groups have been in and out of here a lot but they really don’t tell me much about what happened.

ANDREW: If you have any thoughts on DJ Scip’s, uhh, disappearance, or have seen anything suspicious, feel free to call us at (512) 937-2346. Our voicemail is always open!
Andrew: Now let’s get to some of tonight’s announcements!

ANDREW: First up, the first annual, 5k Labcoat Fun Run, “Running From Science!” Err, wait, that says “Running For Science,” not from. Sorry.

ANDREW: The event is for all ages and all physical fitness levels. Everyone is welcome! You can run, walk, or wheel at your own discretion! It’s good exercise and good practice for all your researchers out there! Um, funds raised go towards the Manna Charitable Foundation this year and their unnatural disaster relief efforts.

ANDREW: Sign up today and pay your entry fee to secure a 5k Labcoat Fun Run 2017 t-shirt for yourself! Personnel are welcome to bring their own lab coat, otherwise all fun runners can pick up a running lab coat the day of at the starting line.

ANDREW: I think.. Yes, think this is it.. On your mark, get set, sign up!

*WHISTLE SOUND EFFECT PLAYS*

ANDREW: Ah ha, sorry, couldn’t help myself. Been playing around with the controls trying to turn the backup system off and I found the soundboard controls.

ANDREW: Moving to the next announcement, this one might be a little less healthy for you.

ANDREW: Due to an incident during a standard anomalous item testing at Site-87, over in Sloth’s Pit, Wisconsin, sites are being shipped truck loads of Lays brand potato chips.

ANDREW: Apparently a Researcher Brian Cohen was.. upset about a test missing from the authorized test list assigned him by the Foundation Smart Test List Initiative for a slightly luminescent nacho bowl. Previous tests had included.. wearing the bowl, bombarding it with amusingly high levels of secret radiation, and seeing if the bowl made people’s bladder.. weaker.

ANDREW: From the report notes it seems Brian initiated an unauthorized test on the object himself, pouring a bag of chips into the bowl. Despite the bowl showing no anomalous properties during the 300 prior tests, this action caused the entire test chamber to become filled with chips.

ANDREW: Though Researcher Brian Cohen was severely injured during this, he is stable and current recovering. The chips have been deemed safe to consume after additional testing and have been sent out for all to enjoy. So enjoy your free chips everybody! Thanks Researcher Brian!

*CRUNCH OF A POTATO CHIP PLAYS*

ANDREW: And now to the weather-

CARTER: Hello? DJ Scip you in?

ANDREW: Uh, hi? We’re- I’m on the air, didn’t you see the big red light above the door? Hold on a sec…

ANDREW: Let’s go to some SCP music! We have “[REDACTED]’s Lament” by personnel DJ Cynd3r for your listening enjoyment!

*[REDACTED]'S LAMENT STARTS BUT THEN STOPS*

BACKUP SYSTEM: Audio Entertainment [PAUSED] Resuming live feed.

ANDREW: Okay, I went to a song. Now what are you here about? Also, wasn’t that door locked?

CARTER: Negative, and this will just be a moment. You’re not DJ Scip, have you seen him around though?

ANDREW: No? Cause he got kidnapped? Like, a while ago..

CARTER: Oh. That makes sense a lot of sense actually why he’s missed so many sessions. Or not returned my texts..

ANDREW: Yeah. You didn’t hear the broadcast? Or get the memos about it?

CARTER: Listen, the application of amnestics is not an exact science. Well, it is an exact science, but one that also makes you forget things like what happened last week… Or birthdays… Or how to tie your shoes.

ANDREW: Are you wearing velcro strap shoes?

CARTER: That is neither here nor wherever DJ Scip is! I was just coming by to make sure he was still interested in our S & B sessions.

ANDREW: What is that? Like a Foundation kink group?

CARTER: No! Gods no! It’s like D&D, but for super scientists with enough fantasy in our lives already. It’s great after a long week of monitoring squirrel knights or sending in D-Class to fight in a wild hunt, to just open a beer and pretend to be someone whose only concern is paying their mortgage.

ANDREW: S&B?

CARTER: It stands for Suburbs & Bosses. For 3 to 6 players, everyone drafts up their own persona with normal skills and day jobs. Think of it like a homebrew tabletop version of the Sims games only more social and focused on everyday challenges, and triumphs on a home based level! We meet Thursday at 7 pm in the Site-17 multipurpose room, usually going until about 9PM. Next Thursday though we’re starting at 5 until 7. The room got booked before us for a presentation of the Level 1 Research Staff Laboratory Induction by uh Dr. Eisenberg.

ANDREW: Did you just pitch me? ..Was that a pitch to join your game sessions?

CARTER: I mean, no, not exactly. I might have gotten carried away there a bit.. But would you happen to be interested? You could pick up DJ Scip’s character, Mr. Fax! Part time Teacher, part time lead bass guitarist in a local band? Eh?

ANDREW: Eh, I’ll think about it. Maybe DJ Scip will be found before the next session and you won’t need me anyways!

CARTER: Let me know before next week then! If you do attend we only ask that everyone bring a snack food item to share. Bag of chips or carrots.

ANDREW: Uh, sure, hey I’m going to get back to this radio show now. Thanks for asking about DJ Scip.

CARTER: Yeah, sure, hope he’s found soon. Wow, kidnapped. I don’t remember the last time I was kidnapped..

ANDREW: Going back to the broadcast now.

CARTER: Of course! Break a leg!

ANDREW: And we’re back! Uh, wait, why was the music paused? Crap, did I leave you guys with dead air for all that? Sorry folks.

*SAD TROMBONE SOUND EFFECT PLAYS*

ANDREW: We love all of our listeners and friends of the Foundation, though maybe hold off on stopping by the broadcasting booth until off air hours. We are always up to hear from you though! You can email Foundation After Midnight Radio at moc.liamg|oidaRMAF.39PCS#moc.liamg|oidaRMAF.39PCS!

ANDREW: If you have a Foundation Role Playing group you partake in, how about you tell us about it and what kind of character you play as!

ANDREW: That reminds me actually, here’s the announcement from the infrequent sports corner! Sign ups for the intramural site sports teams are now open! Join a team, get some exercise, and mix with other personnel!

ANDREW: There’s softball, kickball, cricket, volleyball, soccer, bowling and more activities that are more or less sports! Various leagues for various levels of competition and athletic ability.

ANDREW: As listeners may remember, I’m on the Foundation intramural softball team, the Preserving Pendants! Depending on your site, you might end up with the Critical Tomatoes, the Site-[REDACTED]’s team formerly known as the Unkillable Lizards, the Site-19 Staring Statues, or the Site-66 Vegetables! Errr, veggie-bulls? Vegetabulls!

ANDREW: Get it? Cause their vegeta-

BACKUP SYSTEM: Please enjoy the remaining [THREE] [MINUTES] of audio from [REDACTED’S LAMENT] and a [WORD] from the [CREATOR].

*[REDACTED'S LAMENT] FINISHES*

ANDREW: Finally! This is getting out of hand, going to have to get some of the tech guys in here and turn that that thing off for good! Maybe I can file a Technical Issue with that Technical Researcher David Rosen..

*TAKES NOTE AND SHUFFLES PAPER*

ANDREW: Any personnel who have information on the double containment breach that took place last week are asked to give a statement. An investigation is ongoing as to what caused the hostile biomechanical construct SCP-2427-3 to breach its containment at the same time as a large humanoid originating from the SCP-407 “The Song of Genesis” test chamber.

ANDREW: While the testing of SCP-407 was scheduled and standard precautions were taken, Dr. Mueller and Dr. Mulligan were sadly killed during the breach. The D-Class personnel, “Connor” that was recovered at the scene where the two SCPs crossed paths and fortunately neutralized each other had been a part of the test with SCP-407 and he has claimed his mind was invaded during all this. Details on the SCP-2427-3 breach are less clear as all the personnel involved in the daily scheduled goat feeding were killed by the carnivorous, lethal walking cognitohazard.

ANDREW: Any details can help prevent future tragedies like this. You can call and leave a tip at 512-937-2346

ANDREW: Okay, the higher ups want me to spend some time walking about the Groups of Interest or GOIs that the Foundation is aware of and that personnel should keep an eye out for.

ANDREW: Here’s a few of the usual suspects.. Ahem..

ANDREW: Are We Cool Yet?

ANDREW: overview: A collective of anomalous artists, or anartists as some might call them, members of Are We Cool Yet? are either capable of obtaining or producing anomalous objects and using them to create art installations. These are often placed for maximum public exposure, and can be fatal to bystanders; the phrase "Are We Cool Yet?" is almost always present in some way.

ANDREW: The Global Occult Coalition, or the GOC for short.

ANDREW: Overview: The GOC was created in the aftermath of WWII by the Allies, from the various defecting occultists, priests, and scientists from the Nazi, Soviet, and Allied forces. As the world stage broadened, so too did the number of countries that had forces in the GOC, until it became what it is today.

ANDREW: The GOC are a largely political force, seeing themselves as the police of the paranormal world. Priding themselves with destroying supernatural entities, they make use of the most high-tech experimental technology possible. Many potential SCPs have been destroyed by them before the Foundation could secure and contain them.

ANDREW: They have been both on the side of the Foundation and against it at times, depending greatly on the situation. They largely hold the Foundation in contempt for their use and containment of SCP items rather than outright destruction. The GOC has respected the Foundation's formidable might enough to leave it alone, mostly, although there have been some questionable incidents which the GOC have strictly denied involvement with.

ANDREW: All agents of the GOC are to be treated with suspicion.

ANDREW: The Serpent's Hand and the Wanderer’s Library

ANDREW: Overview: The Serpent's Hand is a small but formidable organization though the Foundation’s information on them is limited. Almost all known information about the Serpent's Hand has been leaked from GOC intelligence. The total number of members belonging to this organization is unknown, as is their level of technology, number of possible SCPs held, or total threat level. It is clear, however, they are coordinated and dangerous to deal with.

ANDREW: The group seems to embrace the use and existence of paranormal items, and in particular seems to embrace humanoid and sentient SCPs. The Serpent's Hand has been highly vocal in criticizing the containment and neutralization of sentient SCPs, especially those which are fully human and are not particularly destructive.

ANDREW: The Serpent's Hand seems primarily based in an anomalous location called the Wanderers' Library, a building accessed through portals found in many different parts of the world. Direct assaults on the Library have so far proven unfeasible, even when entrance could be found.

ANDREW: Attempts to infiltrate the Wanderers' Library are ongoing.

ANDREW: That’s our announcement on Groups of Interest to keep vigilant for now.

*SHUFFLES PAPERS*

ANDREW: “Reminder; Pumpkin Spice flavored beverages are strictly prohibited in light of the recent containment of E-8820. For details, please see Site-87 general mail 'Re: Subcutaneous Ginger', sent last Wednesday. Sloth’s Pit Department heads, please notify your teams.”

*ANDREW SIPS A DRINK*

ANDREW: Oh, this is Maple Pecan Spice! I’m sure it’s fine.

ANDREW: Here’s a quick proverb of the day for ya: “If a D-class personnel dies screaming in agony in a containment cell, and no one is in the observation room to document it, do they make a sound?”

ANDREW: Huh.. I wonder if DJ Scip usually proofreads these announcements ahead of time..

ANDREW: Well, good night all you fine Foundation listeners out there. Stay vigilant and stay safe! I’m sure wherever DJ Scip is, we’ll hear from him soon. This has been your Assistant Radio Host, DJ Twisted Toaster.

*AUDIO OUTRO PLAYS*

ANDREW: Toaster.

*END CREDITS PLAY*

DJ SCIP: Hey Andrew, Foundation agents listening to this, I lost my phone when I got grabbed, but I had a backup phone hidden on my person. These guys don’t know who they’re dealing with, almost feel sorry for them. Oh, they’re coming back, gotta go!
22:18

Episode 09 "I've Missed You, Listeners"

An anomalous radio host hijacks the radio station, broadcasting announcements and references before being recontainted by a MTF team. Connor from Confinement is sent into the booth, without much success.

01:50
SFX: *SIREN IN BACKGROUND*

ANOMALOUS HOST: Hello listeners. There is nothing wrong with your radio. Do not attempt to adjust the signal. I control the transmission. I mean, you can totally change the station, if you want, but I'd rather it if you continue listening. I worked so hard to get this broadcast out. It would be a shame if all this commotion, all these broken procedures, these personnel, went to waste…

SFX: MUSIC PLAYS

BACKUP SYSTEM: Anomalous activity [DETECTED]. [WARNING]. Hume level two hundred thirty-two, one hundred fifty-six, three hundred seventy-nine. [ERROR]. [MISTAKE]. [FUCK]. [WARNING]. Frequency lockdown in [THREE], [TWO], [TWO], two? Who?

ANOMALOUS HOST: Oh hello there! You remind me of a friend of mine. She likes listing off numbers too. Let’s hold that thought for now though..

SFX: *COMPUTER POWERING DOWN*

ANOMALOUS HOST: Sorry for all the noise listeners, it's just you and me now. Your favorite radio host. I've, I've missed talking to you all. I've also missed the screaming sun rises and the mysterious lights overhead in the night sky. I've missed my friends, my family, my job, and you!

ANOMALOUS HOST: You see, I’ve been in what they call, “containment” here for a while now. But being an anomalous person of interest held within a vague, yet menacing government agency against his will, isn't all bad. They normally won’t let me near any broadcasting equipment, but I do get my own “standard humanoid containment cell,” as they say. Oh, I guess I should be more clear about who they are.

ANOMALOUS HOST: The Foundation, or the SCP Foundation? Oh I can never remember what they prefer to be called. Sorry if I mess up the name, folks! They came looking for our little desert community a while back. Not sure how they managed it, but they found us and started poking around doing just harmless scientific experiments like taking soil samples, radiation readings, taking pictures of birds taking pictures of them, and falling into chasms that opened up underneath them while local onlookers chanted, “INTERLOPERS”!

ANOMALOUS HOST: After a while, they came by the radio station for a meet and greet with yours truly. Apparently, they did not understand how I could narrate their comings and goings from my broadcasting booth. But, as I told them, it’s just another responsibility of a local community radio show host.

ANOMALOUS HOST: After a brief, ummm, encounter with station management, the surviving field agents invited me to come with them by the usual method of putting a bag over my head and taking me with them.

ANOMALOUS HOST: We got in their unmarked van that read, “SCP Foundation: Scaffolding, Construction, Plumping. We work in the dark so you can live in the light!” License plate number MTF E6VI. Front bumper damaged from ramming into station management on their way out. It is a little unclear who was ramming who, though, to be fair.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Now I’m all for the government protecting citizens. All for securing and protecting people for the good of all. But sometimes a guy just wants to broadcast out into the world and have a one-way conversation with it? You know?

ANOMALOUS HOST: Luckily I'm not alone here. I do get visitors from time to time! The faceless old lady who lives in everyone’s home, she still visits me here! Well, I think she does. I believe that's what the dead flies left in the corner of my containment cell mean.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Who else would take the time to remove their wings, knit the flies little sweaters with letters on them, and arrange them into cute messages like, “COMING FOR YOU” or “SOONER THAN LATER” or “THIS IS TAKING LONGER THAN EXPECTED,” every morning?

OLD WOMAN: *Laughter in background*

ANOMALOUS HOST: I also get to see, well, he told me not to tell anyone, but a certain scientist got himself a new job so he can still see yours truly. We're still working on how to do date nights here, but so far it's been nice just to see him and his beautiful hair through the bulletproof plexiglass. A friendly, handsome face, with perfect teeth, in a cold, but not cruel, world.

ANOMALOUS HOST: But enough about my personal life! This after-midnight radio show provides an important service I’m told! Here are some community announcements from within the Foundation.
SFX: *BANGING OF METAL*

CONNOR: AHHHhhhh!

SFX: *CRASH*

CONNOR: Oof, that’s going to hurt tomorrow. Or, right now..

ANOMALOUS HOST: Oh it’s our new station intern, Connor!

CONNOR: Uh, hey. Here’s the announcements you asked for in your demands.

ANOMALOUS HOST: That’s great, Intern Connor! Thank you for retrieving today’s announcements for me!

ANOMALOUS HOST: You see listeners, Foundation interns have these nifty bright orange jumpsuits that make them real easy to spot when they’re hiding! The staff had him crawling around in the vents since I barricaded myself in the studio here.

CONNOR: Yeah and I’m supposed to tell you that they want you to surrender yourself to the mobile task force out there and that they want you to stop broadcasting on every frequency.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Now if you could pass this note along to my husband,

CONNOR: Sure, but I really want to point out that those guys outside are serious. Like, full combat gear, armed with M4s that have more attachments than an Ita bags. I think there was even a guy with one of those under barrel shotgun attachments. Can you say compensation? Geez.

CONNOR: As well as a shit ton of C4 or whatever.

ANOMALOUS HOST: -and also bring me

CONNOR: That’ll probably blow that door off its hinges. Sealed or not..

ANOMALOUS HOST: a fresh cup of-

CONNOR: Just saying, I wouldn’t want to be in here when that goes off.

ANOMALOUS HOST: -chicory coffee.

CONNOR: What are you anyway? Euclid?

ANOMALOUS HOST: Black.

CONNOR: Keter?

ANOMALOUS HOST: Sugar on the side.

CONNOR: I definitely don’t believe you’re “Safe” class..

ANOMALOUS HOST: That would be great!

ANOMALOUS HOST: Whomever last checked the "flesh car," designated R-1415-02, out from Storage 48 for testing, you left the keys in the ignition in the Site 23 parking lot.

ANOMALOUS HOST: While this might be part of an experiment, the fact that it's been winking its eye headlights at passerbyers and licking its seat tongue at pigeons in the parking lot has other researchers unnerved. Please either retrieve the keys or move the flesh vehicle to a less prominent parking space.

ANOMALOUS HOST: This Saturday is the First Divided Fifthist Church’s Annual Pancake Buffet, from ten in the morning until seven in the evening. A raffle will be held after the dinner, and door prizes will be given out throughout the day. Tickets are seven dollars for adults and three dollars for children under 12. Regular, buckwheat, and the First Divided’s famous bonemeal pancakes will be served.

ANOMALOUS HOST: And now to your daily traffic report²:

ANOMALOUS HOST: Rrrrrrriinng! The alarm in the mall went off, as security officers noticed a young man shoplifting on the cameras. He seemed in no hurry to run, and continued to stow away valuable goods in a few bags.

ANOMALOUS HOST: By the time security had caught up to him, though, he was nowhere to be seen. When the camera footage was reviewed, the man had fiddled with something on his hand, then… just disappeared.

ANOMALOUS HOST: This hadn't been an isolated event. Even a couple of banks had reported thieves. All the accounts had had several things in common; the thief was a young man, he had bypassed all security, then disappeared after fiddling with something on his right hand. Managers and shopkeepers, when questioned, said they couldn't recall any details about the crime, and would prefer to just move past the whole thing.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Some people, though, paid very close attention to the crimes indeed. They had all the tapes, all the eye-witness reports. They had waited until they were sure.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Jayun walked down the street, in broad daylight. He wasn't concerned. He'd made sure to cover his face while robbing, and even if someone did recognise him, he had an easy escape route. He tapped the metal under his sleeve.

ANOMALOUS HOST: He was probably just being paranoid, but— Apart from him, there were only two other people on the street. One behind him, walking in the same direction, and one at the end of the street, just standing there.

ANOMALOUS HOST: The one in front pulled a black object out from their pocket and pointed it at him.

ANOMALOUS HOST: He wasted no time in pulling the lever, and he thought he heard a bang as he left them behind.

ANOMALOUS HOST:: The world came into view again, this time a small alleyway. He often used this place to escape, as it was located behind some of the major store-lines. The alley was a gap in the city, and it led nowhere. He didn't think anybody else knew about it.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Two more people in black proved him wrong on that count.

ANOMALOUS HOST:: Before he could react, the one on the left raised their gun and fired at him. As he pulled the lever, he felt something hit his leg.

ANOMALOUS HOST: He hadn't had any time to think, so he went with the first place that came into mind: his home. It was some ways away, so he had a lot of time to ponder his next move.

ANOMALOUS HOST: And that is our riveting traffic report for today! Time keeps on slipping into the future though, so we'd better move on.

SFX: *Metal bang*

ANOMALOUS HOST: Connor! Are you trying to breakdown my barricade?

CONNOR: What? No I was just, uh trying to get out to get you that fresh cup of joe, I mean coffee so, uh- Oh god what are those-

CONNOR: AHHH! *DEATH SOUND*

SFX: *WEIRD SOUND EFFECT OF TENTACLES KILLING CONNOR*

ANOMALOUS HOST: To the family of station Intern Connor, he was not a very good station intern, but he did-

SFX: *CONNOR POPPING BACK INTO EXISTENCE ALIVE AND UNHARMED*

CONNOR: Listen man-

ANOMALOUS HOST: Oh! Huh. You’re alive! You don’t stay dead, do you? Wow! You’ll definitely make a great station intern after all!

CONNOR: Yeah, it’s a thing. Confinement, look it up. Listen, I’m just following the directions the MTF guys out there told me.

SERGEANT (THROUGH DOOR): Connor, what the hell is going on in there? You kick that creepy bastard’s barricade down yet or did you get stuck in the vent again?

CONNOR: I’ll tell them you wouldn’t let me near the barricade if you just push me back into the vents so I can get out of here.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Sure, that’s fine by me. And your dead body, will that just stay behind when you leave?

CONNOR: I mean, you did kill me, so that’s on you.

ANOMALOUS HOST: So you’re not using it anymore?

CONNOR: First off, no I’m not. Second off, that’s a weird thing to say to someone. Also, wait, how is that mic still on? Because the MTF is totally listening to your broadcast and if they hear this-

ANOMALOUS HOST: Oh, they totally can. let me give you a boost!

CONNOR: No, I’m good! Just, oof! Where-where are those coming from? Oof, ahhhhhhh!

SFX: *STRANGE SOUNDS OF TENTACLES PUSHING A MAN BACK INTO A SMALL METAL AIR VENT*

ANOMALOUS HOST: Scrambled right back up into the air vents! That Connor sure is a resilient one.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Ah, never a dull moment here inside this Foundation. Almost reminds me of home. Almost. Sometimes this place is a little too strange though.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Let’s take some time for another popular Foundation After Midnight Radio segment! Listener call-ins! Remember listeners, you can always call in and leave a voicemail at 512-937-2346! That’s 512, 937, 2346! First caller!

VOICEMAIL 1: *PLAYS DISTRESSED WOMAN LOST IN WOODS VOICEMAIL*

ANOMALOUS HOST: Ah, sounds like someone fell through a pocket dimension or otherworldly portal. Or opened a door that appeared in the desert. Either way, there are some nifty tricks out there you can use to figure out where you are using the simple government tracking devices in your phone!

ANOMALOUS HOST: Next voicemail!

VOICEMAIL 2: *PLAYS A MESSAGE BY DJ SCIP *

DJ SCIP: Hey Foundation fam, had another phone I smuggled in on my person. Been a while. I’ve actually lost track of how long I’ve been here now. There are no windows and my guards don’t seem to keep a schedule for meals and such. Amateurs.

DJ SCIP: Anyway, really want to get out of here soon. Think I hear someone coming back! Talk to you later!

ANOMALOUS HOST: Ah, I think that was the normal host they had. He’s been gone a long time it seems. Years maybe. Or just days? Hard to tell sometimes. Anyways, glad he’s still alive.

VOICEMAIL 3: *PLAYS VOICE MAIL MESSAGE*

ANOMALOUS HOST: Got to say, these Foundation personnel sure know how to run a secret world organization! I mean, I hadn’t even heard of them before they started tapping my phone lines and circling my little town, but now they pop up all over the place!

ANOMALOUS HOST: Ah, here’s another announcement for personnel: If you happen to be driving out late at night and see a police car, please make sure to properly identify it as belonging to the sheriff’s secret police. If the car is on fire, it is most likely a demon cop. If you hear unexplained expletives coming from your radio, I advise speeding up. You might be able to outrun him.

ANOMALOUS HOST: The team formerly known as the Unkillable Lizards played their alternate reality doubles, still known as the Unkillable Lizards in their own timeline, this last weekend! Due to a reality overlap, both teams found themselves being pitted against each other, while a soft ball loving reality bender looked on.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Both teams were evenly matched, with only minor differences such as their depiction of SCP-682, the Hard to Destroy Reptile, as their mascot, or former mascot, as well as various differences noticed between the players and their doppelgangers.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Thankfully, no one attacked their double, but plenty had questions and could be overheard muttering to themselves, “So that’s what I would look like with short hair” or “Is that the more successful me, or is he just more confident in himself?” and “Did they just say that their team captain, Dr. Roth, is a full grown snow leopard in their reality?”

ANOMALOUS HOST: The game ended in a close, 13 to 15 score, or would have, if the combined realities’ mobile task force teams hadn’t descended upon the reality bender in the last inning and chased him off the field before the final pitch with bases loaded! The reality bender out of range of the field and scranton reality anchors in place, the overlap in realities faded from view, and each team went away knowing more about themselves than they would like.

ANOMALOUS HOST: This has been, the infrequent sports corner!

ANOMALOUS HOST: Now listeners you know there's nothing I love more than helping people, and non people, who have a special connection find each other again against all odds. So, yours truly will be reading from the Missed Connections board from the Wanderer's Library!³

ANOMALOUS HOST: “You seem pretty normal. M for W.”

ANOMALOUS HOST: We passed each other in the "Early European Section." Your red hair was beautiful and you had the requisite four limbs and one head that I find lacking so often around here. I'd like to get to know you. Maybe we could be friends? It's rare that I find anyone like myself around here, especially after the calamity.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Connections of all kinds are important. We meet people for a reason, a season, or a life sentence.

ANOMALOUS HOST: “Book Buddies! M for W.”

ANOMALOUS HOST: Looking for the girl I shared a copy of "DeBlazian's 4th Metaphilosophy and Contrarian Physical Spaces" with! I was wearing a black turtleneck sans shell, and you had a mug of coffee and tentacles that went all the way up. Winky face emoji.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Shared books can bring people together. Hoarded books can bury people alive! All alone in their apartment because they refused to give up possession of something they thought would bring them comfort but has only become a burden to find the space for.

ANOMALOUS HOST: “The ferocity of the hunt requires a pack! V for M.”

ANOMALOUS HOST: This one stalked you through the windblown sands while you were separated from your peers. This one had hoped to hunt you down and consume you while your back was turned and your guard lowered. However this one's assessment of your usefulness as raw protein was changed when this one watched as you gouged out the eyes of a lion with your clawless hands. You are an impressive mammal. We should exchange pleasantries. This one hopes you can detect pheromones.

ANOMALOUS HOST: “Ah, nothing like apex predators bonding over a shared drive to survive and hunt down prey.”

ANOMALOUS HOST: “Your hands are so gentle. B for W.”

ANOMALOUS HOST: You were reading me the other day in the Eschatology section. I'm the one with the thick leather binding, gold leaf illumination, and vellum pages. You had very gentle hands. I would like to meet again. Mayhaps we can read some more? Speak with Bobby if you see this, he delivered this message for me.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Book love goes both ways. Again, it’s always important to find people we care about in this journey of life. Whether platonic, romantic, or just finding shared interests among peers. There’s a Foundation Missed Connections page up as well, for personnel looking for someone they passed in the halls, lost touch with after a site transfer, or someone they vaguely remember after a temporal shift rewrote a year of their life!

ANOMALOUS HOST: In other community public service announcements, most tarantulas don't finish high school and even fewer go on to attend college. Now I’m sure most of you within the Foundation already knew this.

ANOMALOUS HOST: What you may not know is that the Foundation already houses and supports several sentient spiders and spider related communities! From the tiny psychic spider, to the vast communist spider society in the Big Thicket National Park, to the 11, three meter spiders of the Kemberly sleepover.

ANOMALOUS HOST: Personnel can volunteer to tutor young spiders during their lunch break or after work hours on site. Obviously, those with arachnophobia need not apply, and may want to skip the Site 66 cafeteria after-

SFX:*CRACKLE OF METAL BEING CUT*

SFX: *SECURITY SHOUTING FROM BEHIND THE DOOR*

SERGEANT (THROUGH DOOR): Time to get paid people! No one lives forever!

ANOMALOUS HOST: Ah well, seems like I have some visitors coming in.

ANOMALOUS HOST (AWAY FROM MIC): I’ll be with you folks in a minute!

ANOMALOUS HOST: I swear these Foundation personnel are more uptight than our Station Management back home..

ANOMALOUS HOST: Now might be a good time to go to the weather!

*PLAYS The King by The Atomic Beau Project*

BACKUP SYSTEM: Anomalous activity [SUBSIDED]. Humes at [ACCEPTABLE] levels. Broadcast is [SAFE] for audio listening [ENJOYMENT]. Welcome back.

SFX: DJ TWISTED TOASTER INTRO MIX

ANDREW: Never uneventful around here, eh listeners? The anomalous entity that escaped and hijacked the radio booth has been secured and recontained. No dangerous memetic or cogni-hazardous effects were detected during the broadcast, though they were unable to disrupt his signal despite cutting power to the booth.

ANDREW: Unfortunately, cutting the power only made getting back into the radio station that much harder, largely due to the newly reinforced security doors added since DJ Scip’s kidnapping. They ended up having to cut through the doors manually, after trying to send in a D-Class through the air vents a few times.

ANDREW: While the Foundation is a place that accepts all kinds, it is generally too dangerous to work directly with anomalous persons of interest. The risk of cross SCP contamination is too great. The Foundation’s firm stance is that anomalous entities should be contained and never allowed to wander sites unsupervised under any-

CONNOR: Hey, so uh, the door was literally off the hinges, I let myself in. Is that weird guy that was doing the radio broadcast before gone?

ANDREW: Oh, uh, hey Connor, yeah, uh, he’s gone. I’m just starting the After Midnight Radio broadcast.

CONNOR: Well that’s great. I’m just gonna put this coffee down and go then. Gonna go see Natalie.

ANDREW: Who-?

CONNOR: Dr. Powers? One of the psychologists? She-

ANDREW: Oh, I meant, who is this coffee for?

CONNOR: Well it was for that reality bender guy who was in here before, but since he’s probably back in the containment wing, I’m not going to bring it to him. They sent me in here to see what his demands were, but it seems he just, really loved radio broadcasting. They should give him his own show. Or at least a podcast..

ANDREW: Uh, thanks, Connor. Going back to broadcasting.

SFX: *COFFEE BREAK SOUND BOARD EFFECT*

ANDREW: What was I talking about again?
30:40

Episode originally aired May 14, 2019

Toadking07's Backstage Notes:

So this episode was a long time coming, in that it took a very long time to finish. The original script was started shortly after episode 08 was posted, but after that, life got in the way. The script dragged along and hit several bumps before being put on the backburner, revamped, and pushed to the finish line.

I had a lot of personal drama going on in my life in 2018 that made being creative and productive increasingly difficult. Think of your day as having a limited number of points you can put towards actions. When you're at your best, you have a lot of points to put into things, maybe even more than you need. When you're stressed, anxious, depressed, you have less than you need to get even the basic actions you need for your day. I spent a lot of the year without enough points and then building myself up to a point where I could finally have the points I needed again.

The podcast is a lot of work to produce. I put my Patreon on hold, I worked on smaller projects I could complete, I picked away at the script. I restarted the script after a suggestion to scrap what I had and figure out a script that I would enjoy writing again. Thus the idea to make an episode that was basically one big WtNV reference.

Night Vale is what originally inspired me to produce FAM Radio. For some, this might be pretty clear, others might not have known if I didn't acknowledge it. I discovered their podcast shortly after they started it and loved it. It came during a time in my life when I was directionless, without a place to call my own, no job, no girlfriend, nothing really. I had just found the SCP wiki and lost a few days to reading articles and tales. The two made so much sense together that I couldn't help but try my hand at it. Both then, and now.

I might have got carried away with this episode. Maybe I shot too big, or made it too on the nose. I have no idea what WtNV thinks or would think of this episode. I reached out to a voice actor from their podcast about voicing something for my episode, but they turned it down, saying it was basically, "Night Vale fanfiction." I went through two different voice actors before finding a solid anomalous host voice in a coworker from my day job.

There were other delays along the way, things that delayed production or complicated finishing it. But it exists now, it's out there, and I am so happy for it. We did a live stream premiere of the episode which was a lot of fun. Hoping to do that again in the future. Here's to never giving up on a project, finding what inspires you, and making the best of something you can!

Episode 10 "Hand Over The DJ And No One Gets Hurt"

An operation is set into motion to save our beloved radio host. Will Andrew Survive this? Will DJ Scip actually come back? Will this “podcast” every have a normal release schedule? We’ll see…

00:00

ANDREW: You're listening to Foundation After Midnight Radio on 93.[REDACTED]. The Foundation authorized broadcast for personnel, by personnel. I'm your host, DJ Twisted Toaster, and it's midnight somewhere in the world!

*plays DJ Twisted Toaster intro*
ANDREW: Hello listeners, we’re back to our regularly scheduled broadcasts after the unfortunate containment breach last time.

ANDREW: Tonight, I'm joined by Dr. Warpstar who will be bringing you an anomalous weather report later on. For now though, I've been given the green light to share some breaking developments! As you all know, FAM Radio's usual host, DJ Scip was kidnapped and I've been filling in for him in the meantime. Details on his disappearance have been scarce and besides infrequent voicemails he's left from phones he had smuggled on his person, there hasn't been much word on his situation. That is, until now!

ANDREW: We’re getting word that the GOI who attacked him and has been holding him hostage has been identified and their location tracked.

ANDREW: The name of the Group of Interest has been released. A splinter of the Church of the Broken God group, the “Cogworks” mistook Scip for a higher level researcher who they had planned to extort for their own goals. Scip managed to use 2 of the 3 cell phones he had on his person at the time of his kidnapping to contact the Foundation and allow them to triangulate his location.

ANDREW: Held within a safehouse by the Cogwork group, a coordinated plan has been laid out to retrieve him. I've been told the operation went into action at midnight tonight and I will be giving live updates as things progress.

ANDREW: So for now, until I get more, our normally scheduled, slightly less exciting, Foundation personnel announcements, will follow.
ANDREW: First up to bat, in our infrequent sports corner, the Site-17 Fake Aliens are faking it until they make it! They’ve won their first 3 games of the season so far, but will they be able to hold it together as they face off against the newly minted Site-104’s Viking Tree Catapults?

ANDREW: The Viking Tree Catapults have been standing tall and throwing hard in their first season, but have one loss, one tie, and one win to their name so far. Dr. Isaksson, their softball team head coach, has said that the new team is finding their groove now that they’ve played a few league games. Their last game being their first win ever, Dr. Isaksson says they’re looking to start a winning streak with that momentum.
ANDREW: Next in personnel announcements, Anomalous Animals Anonymous, or AAA for short, is a small monthly meetup for personnel who find themselves transformed, evolved, devolved, swapped with, or otherwise physically changed into an animal or otherwise nonhuman form.

ANDREW: Transformation of any kind can be pretty distressing and adjusting to one’s new form and new life challenging. Thankfully, you are not alone and others have dealt with these kinds of changes before.

ANDREW: Dr. Roth, a researcher turned into a cat, and Dr. Kaine, a researcher turned into a dog, usually lead the meetings. While local personnel, like Dr. Fish usually attend in person, international researchers are invited to video chat in from wherever they are, just as the various personnel from the French branch do. The French branch being home to Dr. Hinault, a salmon with human teeth who understands french, Dr. Cendres who was fused with an iguana, and a being named Acyde who is a large humanoid blue mantis.

ANDREW: A note, Dr. Bright is allowed to attend while his mind possesses a nonhuman host body, such as a monkey or guinea pig.

ANDREW: Non anomalous personnel are asked to be respectful and courteous to their colleagues conditions and not to stop by just to stare. While the thought of a cat with a lab coat and glasses may sound cute, Dr. Roth is, quote, "Not afraid to cut a bitch, biiiiiiiiitch!" End quote.
ANDREW: Ah, we've got our first update on the rescue operation! The exact location is still undisclosed, but field agents, under the guise of a gas leak in the area caused by a local SCP front construction company, have moved into position to block off the surrounding streets. Civilians are being discreetly evacuated to minimize casualties and anomalous exposure. So far no unusual movement from within the building. These Cogwork people don’t know what’s coming for them.

ANDREW: More updates as they come in.
ANDREW: Next up, a personal personnel update, personally handed off by a specific personnel who wants to keep things professional or else he will make it, quote unquote, personal.

ANDREW: Dr. Clef has requested that any personnel who write steamy, fan-fiction involving him to, ahem, “keep it to themselves, deep in the secret corners of their heart where true love blooms and I don't have to see it.”

ANDREW: Research into if the ‘secret corners of the heart’ is actually where true love grows is being headed by Senior Researcher Dr. Margaret Sawyer-Sheen and funded by the Dr. Alto Clef Appreciation Fan Club.

ANDREW: I didn’t know there even was a Dr. Alto Clef Appreciation Fan Club, but that actually makes a lot of sense now that I think of it. Not that I would join it. Uh, not that there’s anything wrong with Dr. Clef or his fans but also, uh, you know? Nevermind. Next announcement!
ANDREW: "Don't forget! Wednesday is pizza day! So head on down to the cafeteria and grab yourself a hot slice! -The SCP Foundation holds no liability for any injuries or illnesses sustained or contracted through the attendance of Pizza day."

ANDREW: No word on which site the infinite pizza box will be on loan to this Wednesday, but regardless, free pizza in the cafe! Get it before the budget committee rethinks this proposal!
ANDREW: A security note from Foundation personnel Dr. Jacob "Kens" Kensington: “Loose lips, lose scips! Maintain operation security, you never know who is listening”

ANDREW: Talking about your work outside of the Foundation is largely prohibited and puts you, your friends and family, the Foundation, the world at large, and reality as we know it, at risk! It’s a lot of pressure to keep quiet about it all sometimes, but the Foundation has outlets to help manage the stress of the job.

ANDREW: Foundation assigned therapists and counselors, along with processes and policies for letting family members in on your work are all just a simple click and a submitted form away! The Family Disclosure Protocol allows loved ones to be granted a special class of Level 0 clearance and alleviates the stress and physical/mental strain of constant deception of loved ones.

ANDREW: For those who’d rather keep your loved ones in the dark, about your, well, work in the dark, there are Foundation approved and supplied cover-life fabrications so you can still have relatable topics to talk about with non-Foundation civilians. You’ll be prepped with all sorts of insight into the field of your choice along with all the mundane terminology and first hand stories you would have if your job wasn’t one filled with anomalous entities and world shifting jewelry!

ANDREW: And lastly, there’s always the on site personnel happy hours every week where you can mix it up with other Foundation staff who “get it.” It being the work we do here to keep the world sane and spinning.
ANDREW: I’m being given another update on the operation going on with DJ Scip! With the aid of advanced infrared cameras, they have determined that DJ Scip is being held in the sub-basement of the GOI controlled building.

—CUT

Episode 11 "Stay Where You Are"

Please reset the ‘Days Since Last Containment Breach” counter. We’ll get to those double digits someday…

00:00

TOADKING: I hope you all have been staying safe this last containment breach of a year. I wrote this script during lockdown but thankfully, 2020 is now behind us.

TOADKING: A thank you to all of this episode’s voice mail callers. I appreciate you answering my call to call in during quarantine.

TOADKING: Stay tuned for one more special voice mail message after the credits.

TOADKING: If you like the podcast and are posting about it online, use the hashtag SCPFAMRadio. Be sure to tag the podcast account or the toadkingstudios account too! It’s always great to hear from SCP fans and listeners.

VOICEMAIL: “Hey uh Scip, this is Junior researcher Fontaine calling from Site-27.9. I was just calling to say I greatly enjoy the show and uh I’m super glad that the O5 recognized and got you guys more funding. It made me super excited when I heard about it. I’m gonna be really glad to hear from Scip, everyday. I mean, it is the highlight of my night, at the end of my shift, it’s great. Thank you guys so much, love what you do, keep it up, chow!”

DJ SCIP: Thank you, Junior researcher Fontaine. This is your radio host, DJ Scip on 93.[REDACTED] and you’re listening to Foundation After Midnight Radio!

ANDREW: And this is DJ Twisted Toaster as your assistant radio co-host! And nothing is going to get in the way of tonight’s broadcast as we get caught up and back on the air!

SFX: *AMONG US ALARM SOUNDS*

ANDREW: Is that… is that your ringtone?

DJ SCIP: Oh, sorry about that! I’ve been playing a lot of Among Us lately. Been so long since I’ve been on the air properly, I forgot to silence it…

SFX: *AMONG US ALARM SOUND STOPS*

DJ SCIP: Now that that’s taken care of, we’re back!

SFX: *CONTAINMENT BREACH ALARM GOES OFF*

DJ SCIP: Unless a real containment breach alarm does go off…

VOICEMAIL: “Any station, any station! We have multiple containment breaches. I knew installing that new security system was a bad idea, but NO, they didn’t want to listen. We’re getting several reports of containment breaches, but which SCP broke out varies. We’re in a deadlock here! Some girl went crazy, Steven is dead. I don’t know what to do. I don't know what kind of danger we are facing. We are overwhelmed with information here. Please send the MTF to extract us immediately! I don’t want to die! Not like this!”

ANDREW: Hey Scip? Are you sure we should be playing voicemails during all this? That one seemed rather… distressed.

DJ SCIP: I mean, we wouldn’t want to miss an important message that could be a piece of the puzzle to getting things back under containment, would we?

VOICEMAIL: “Hello? Hello, is anyone there? You’ve got to get me out of here. My name is Omar Minhaj. You’ve got to help me. I don’t know what’s going on. Every time I ask for answers, the guards just yell and beat me. Please, I’m begging you!”

VOICEMAIL: *BOOM BOOM*

VOICEMAIL: “Hang up the phone.”

VOICEMAIL: “OH GEEZ-”

DJ SCIP: Ah! I think that was D-Class 9085! I met him the other day while he was working in the cafe. He’s new here. Good to hear from you, Omar! Sorry if the guards are mishandling you, they might just be on edge with the containment breach going on.

DJ SCIP: Still, for his sake, I hope they don’t have to get out the femur breaker for this one…

ANDREW: Scip! Sir, please. I mean, DJ Scip. Let’s take a break from the doom broadcasting a moment and just sit still until help arrives.

DJ SCIP: Sorry, Andrew. DJ Twisted Toaster. I suppose you're right. We just need to sit tight for now.

ANDREW: Thank you.

DJ SCIP: Unfortunately, most of today’s announcements and personnel updates will most likely be moot depending on the containment breach. At the very least, the schedule of things will be pushed back….

ANDREW: Well, I have an idea. Was waiting for later in the show to do this, but I was supposed to present you with this today. Her ya go.

SFX: *A GIFT IS PASSED*

DJ SCIP: What’s this now?

ANDREW: Good ahead and open it. It’s from everyone at the site.

SFX: *A GIFT IS OPENED*

DJ SCIP: Aw, this is wonderful! For our listeners, I have just opened up a little paper gift bag to find a coffee mug with my name on it that reads: “Foundation Personnel of the Month DJ Scip”.

ANDREW: We all agreed you deserved it this month. You know since you were kidnapped, lost your hand, got rescued, had your hand replaced by an anomalous teddy bear with a heart of patchwork, and are finally getting back on the air now.

DJ SCIP: Thank you, Andrew. Thank you. Everyone, for this. It’s good to be back. Even if it’s been a most trying and tiring year. It’s good to be back.

ANDREW: It’s good to have you back, Scip.

DJ SCIP: Oh, another voicemail has come in!

ANDREW: No, wait, let’s just-

VOICEMAIL: “Hey DJ Scip, this is senior researcher Ethan. I just wanted to give a huge shoutout to everyone here at the anti-memetic department. Especially one of our new acquisitions, special agent Dinopolis. And I wanted to call to.. Um.. I’ve forgotten what I was going to call to talk to you about… what, what number is this? I’m sorry, I have to go!”

DJ SCIP: Huh. Uhhh, well that can’t be a good sign.

ANDREW: The Anti-Memetic Department does seem to run the risk of wiping their own memories. Seems pretty common over in that department. From what I recall.

DJ SCIP: That could mean we are facing another K-Class scenario of some kind.

ANDREW: You mean like an XK-scenario?

DJ SCIP: Hmmm, maybe. Andrew, get out the end of the world scenario handbook! We’re gonna need to look into this a bit.

ANDREW: Alright. We’ve got the “Comprehensive List of K-Class Scenarios” list here in our emergency kit. It uh, has a disclaimer that these are “descriptive, not prescriptive” and to “please see your updated site manual for world ending scenarios localized to your facility.” “2020 Edition.”

DJ SCIP: We’ll work with what we have.

ANDREW: So there’s the AK-Class scenario related to a memetically spread behavior or "madness."

DJ SCIP: That might explain the memetic department…

ANDREW: CK-Class scenario where reality is changed by a retrocausal altering of history.

DJ SCIP: Hmmm, unlikely as I still remember who the current American president is.

ANDREW: A GK-Class Scenario is where humans are endangered/extinct but Earth is still fit for habitation.

DJ SCIP: I mean, I don’t feel especially endangered…

ANDREW: There’s NK-Class Scenarios where self-replicating nano-machines malfunction and turn the whole world into goop.

DJ SCIP: That’s a bit of a high scifi stretch if you ask me…

ANDREW: Then we got SK-Class scenarios where another species or civilization surpasses humanity as dominant species.

DJ SCIP: Again, feeling pretty dominant right now, all things considered So probably no new overlord species.

ANDREW: Those are the top 5 K-Class scenarios. The list goes on but those are the top 5 as far as possible apocalyptical endings to the world as we know it.

DJ SCIP: Well maybe another voicemail can help shed some light on it for us?

VOICEMAIL: “Uh, what level is the security breach? Uh, call me back!”

DJ SCIP: Hey caller, we’re just as in the dark as you are! Obviously, when a containment breach happens, it’s a site-wide emergency. Sometimes, it’s even a world-wide emergency. There is a certain point where general safety outways clearance level though. Except when clearance level outweighs general safety. Or, I guess when general safety outweighs clearance level?

ANDREW: You mean like if it was dangerous to know there was a containment breach?

DJ SCIP: Yes! Maybe. I think that’s what I meant.

VOICEMAIL: “[name] speaking, I seriously can’t wait to get out once more. Being cooped up in here isn’t exactly good for me. I think I might be losing track of time. Has it only been a couple of hours? Or perhaps even days? Is it day or night? Is it raining or is the sun out? Has the sky turned red while chanting of the sins of our fathers fills the air? I’ve lost track of what’s real and what isn’t at this point. I mean, is this stapler even real? Or the gun in my drawer? What about the shadowy person in the corner of my office? Well, he’s been here for quite some time, so he’s probably real. [ ] got to have that fractured wrist of mine looked at. Oh, maybe it was a black spot growing on my neck. That or some other shit I can’t even remember. It’s enough to- someone’s calling.”

DJ SCIP: Alright, that was even more unclear. We’re gonna take a moment to hear from our sponsor and get back to voicemails shortly.

TOADKING: This is toadking with some jumbotron message for you today.

TOADKING: This one goes out to Special Agent "Scuba Steve" from Jr. Field Agent Jackie.

TOADKING: Happy belated birthday to Mobile Task Force Mu-4's very own 'Scuba Steve'! Your hard work and dedication is deeply appreciated by all of us here at Site-REDACTED. Thank you for keeping the lights on, the internet running, and every little bug de-bugged! Most importantly, thank you for keeping our spirits high and our smiles wide.

TOADKING: And a special thank you to Jr. Field Agent Jackie, for all your support this last year.

TOADKING: We have another message from SCP-[REDACTED], a member of MTF-[REDACTED] for Dr.Sherman and Researcher Volgun. This reading was requested to be read by the anomalous radio host from episode 09. Take it away:

ALEX: Dear doctors, you took away my phone last week. I know it contained an incident of SCP-1471, but I really want it back. I’m giving you a chance to return it or there will be a containment breach. This is not a threat but a promise. Your move!

TOADKING: Jumbotron messages can be bought to be read on future episodes from the Toad King Studios Etsy shop. There you can also find gear for the Foundation personnel in your life. Including enamel pins, mugs, vehicle stickers, magnets, and various SCP shirts designed by yours truly!

TOADKING: We’re gonna bring you back to the episode following the featured music of the episode: “Superstitious Foundation” by Charlie Green CG5.

*PLAY Superstitious Foundation" by Charlie Green CG5*

VOICEMAIL: “Hey! DJ Scip! Good to, good to hear you’re back, man! Good to hear you’re back, man!”

VOICEMAIL: *laughing* “I am stuck on sublevel four!”

VOICEMAIL: *giggles* “Don’t worry, I’ve got everything I need to get out of here.”

SFX: *POWERTOOL REV*

VOICEMAIL: “I will see you soon!” *cackling*

DJ SCIP: Personnel! Please, try to stay calm. Stay where you are! The security protocols are in place for a reason. Don’t damage your surroundings or try to escape the area you are currently being held in. You don’t know what is on the other side of the blast doors and what you might be doing that makes things worse! The best thing we can do right now is sit still.

ANDREW: Yes. The best we can do is stay safe inside and not make things worse. Wait Scip-

VOICEMAIL: “Mmm, man that 420-J really hits it. Wooooooweeeeeeewoooooo. Oh fuck.”

DJ SCIP: I don’t know if getting anomalously high during a containment breach is the best idea..

ANDREW: Sigh. The Containment Breach Guidebook recommends personnel maintain a level head and a clear mind, and discourages personnel from getting “drunk off their ass or high out of their mind.” And that even as the world possible ends around them, they are urged to keep their wits about them.

VOICEMAIL: “Hey Scip. Hope you’re doing well. Have you ever seen the stars? I mean like, really seen them? Light Pollution makes it so that you can only see the brightest stars when you’re in a city. You have to go to the darkest points on the poles of the Earth to see the night sky as close as you can as it’s meant to be seen. It’s, it’s breathtaking when you can see the real thing. You can make out how the stars are arranged in the shape of our galaxy. But worse than being able to see this beauty, the world we live in is so twisted, because we’d rather blot out true beauty in the universe and look at life through a polluted lens, and I think the stars hate us for it.”

DJ SCIP: …On second thought! Maybe pass the 420-J to this guy. Seems like he might need it.

ANDREW: Hey! Let’s go to the next voicemail! Right now!

VOICEMAIL: “Yeah, um, SCP-999 the, SCP nine hundred and ninety nine has escaped. Um, I have him in a peanut butter jar. Funny. He does look like peanut butter. If you want to pick him up, he’ll be right here. Okay, bye.”

ANDREW: Okay, so SCP-999 is allowed to roam the halls of the site. Usually. It has been shown to help with personnel morale. Not sure if anyone was assigned to watch it today while it was out…

DJ SCIP: You really should let it out of the peanut butter jar. I mean, it’s not a threat and it’s been documented that in containment breaches it only wants to help! Best to let the little tickle monster out so it can ooze around to wherever it’s needed!

VOICEMAIL: “Hey guys. This is agent Gurus from the Abyss Gazers. *gulp* I just, uh, visited the SCP in the breakroom that gave me an amazing cup of black tea, even though it, by all paperwork, it appears to just be a perfectly normal coffee machine. Yet it has a QWERTY keyboard installed. Anyways, I just wanted to say it’s great while I’m going through the uh, armory here. Cataloging and inventorying everything, to just listen to you guys and say thank you for doing what you’re doing. Have a good one!”

DJ SCIP: Glad someone is taking this containment breach seriously. Hopefully, once you’re done with the armory, we can figure out what SCP breached containment. Get it recontained so we can get on with our night and on with the show! Feels like everyone is going crazy in here and not in the usual cognitohazard sort of way. Humans just weren’t meant to stay inside this long!

ANDREW: It’s been like 20 minutes. Did you forget when they threw all the Keter class SCPs into the sun and the anomalous aftermath of that caused everyone to have to stay inside for months.

DJ SCIP: Those were dark times. Mainly because the sun went out, but also that was tough on everyone. Glad that’s well behind us. Just got a regular old containment breach to deal with today.

VOICEMAIL: “Uh, hi, D-DJ Scip. I just wanted to say, welcome back. Yours is the voice we need, in these uncertain times. Speaking of, I have to admit, I’m terrified of how fast the situation escalated. One minute, I’m enjoying a savory Foundation-provided sacrifice in my containment cell, when I realized the nice doctor didn’t fully shut the door. Before I could catch up to her to explain the mishap, alarms started blaring and the bulkhead began sealing and the PA announces a Containment Breach. I’ve never been so scared in my life. A containment breach? In our facility? Anyway, I’ve been hiding in the ventilation ducts, until this whole thing is sorted out. But, I don’t think I’m alone in here. I’ve been hearing, a voice, a crazy, cackling woman, and the unmistakable shriek of a power drill. DJ Scip, I think I’m trapped in here with the anomaly. Please, send help!”

ANDREW: Uh, DJ Scip? I think we got to the bottom of this containment breach, err, situation.

DJ SCIP: Way ahead of you, DJ Twisted Toaster. Already calling this in.

SFX: *PHONE RINGING*

24:26

Episode 12 "Everyone Should Go To Therapy"

Andrew has to deal with a coffee crisis. DJ Scip talks to a therapist. The automated voice system might need therapy too.

00:00

ANDREW: Hello, you’re listening to Foundation After Midnight Radio on 93.[REDACTED], your favorite third shift radio broadcast from within the Foundation.

DJ SCIP: And we’re your hosts, DJ Scip.

ANDREW: And DJ Twisted Toaster.

DJ SCIP: And we no longer have to play the memetic kill agent because this broadcast is now triply encrypted! No Non-personnel should be able to access this frequency!

ANDREW: I really hope that’s correct.

DJ SCIP: Why wouldn’t it be? When has the Foundation ever lied to us before?

ANDREW: You know what? Let’s just get right to the first announcement, shall we?
ANDREW: Is there a blank space on your office wall you don’t know what to do with? Are you tired from racking your brain for a gift to give your Site Director? Then you’re in luck! This week the Foundation Anomaly Art Charity Auction kicks off!

DJ SCIP: Otherwise known as FAACA!

ANDREW: No, they, um, they said they’d appreciate it if we didn’t use the acronym. Uh, moving on.

ANDREW: You can now take home your very own masterpiece from one of the many talented anomalies the Foundation houses.

DJ SCIP: In containment.

ANDREW: Yes… Anomalies the Foundation houses, in containment. Ahem. Art such as the highly realistic landscape paintings by SCP-753, an advanced automaton recovered from a previous Marshall, Carter & Dark patron. The landscapes range from forests to oceans to Sector-28’s disposal facility. See if you can spot the artist itself in the paintings as it likes to work in an automaton getting destroyed in each background

ANDREW: Or consider the out-of-world art by SCP-163, complete with exotic plants and animals from the extraterrestrial’s homeworld. The original paintings are only viewable via ultraviolet imaging, but non-UV prints are available as well. If you’re lucky, the multi-limbed, multi-jointed, multi-eyed artist may even be out and about in its isolation suit to sign its work.

DJ SCIP: Don’t worry, SCP-163 is always accompanied by a Junior Researcher to help with communications. Recently, I’ve been corresponding with them to have 163 join us for a board game night sometime.

ANDREW: Uh, I’m sure we’ll make an anomaly board game night announcement whenever that comes together.

ANDREW: Looking for something to stand on your desk or in the corner of your onsite quarters? Then you might want to see the sculptures by SCP-602, the unseen entity known as “The Sculptor of SoHo.” It was because of this SCP’s artistic…erm, tendencies that Mobile Task Force “City Slickers'’ established Site-28.

ANDREW: For those unfamiliar with its work, the entity sculpts strange and distorted humanoid shapes made from granite, marble, wood, and found materials. The Ethics Committee would like it noted that the entity has been encouraged to move away from its original uh, focus of human sculptures and that all for sale pieces were ethically sourced and contain no organic material.

DJ SCIP: The 602 sculptures now come in all shapes and sizes and you’d hardly have guessed it used to turn tortured souls into, well, tortured art pieces!

ANDREW: To see all these pieces and more, please be sure to attend the Foundation Anomaly Art Charity Auction and gallery this weekend at Site-24. One last note, all the artwork has been rigorously tested for anomalous properties by an artist task force and has been cleared for viewing by even the civilian public.

DJ SCIP: And now a memo to all personnel. Please refrain from making references to the fictional character “Catbug” around SCP-507, the “Reluctant Dimension Jumper”, or the research team working with him. This includes giving “Catbug” themed gifts and paraphernalia.

DJ SCIP: While 507 has stated that though he appreciates the thought and finds Catbug adorable, he really doesn’t need any more Catbug shirts or collectibles.

DJ SCIP: The researchers working with SCP-507 also add that it was amusing at first but having people shout the character’s catchphrases as they walk by is now annoying at best and at worst undermining their very serious study of alternate realities. Please, keep it to yourself.

ANDREW: Here’s Public Service Announcement 546: If you believe one of your fellow employees may be a double agent working for a group of interest, you can report your suspicions to the Anonymous Double Agent hotline. Please call 512-937-2346 to leave a tip that might prevent a future breach or attack from any number of nefarious groups.

ANDREW: This is not to be confused with the Anomalous Double Agent hotline used for reporting when someone might be an anomaly or have anomalous properties as well as being a double agent working against the Foundation.

ANDREW: Also, if you believe you yourself might have been brainwashed to be a sleeper agent, you can report yourself by calling the Anonymous Sleeper Agent hotline, which happens to be the same number as the Anonymous Double Agent hotline.

DJ SCIP: And now for the infrequent sports corner! Today marks the anniversary of-

QUINCY: Alert! Incoming message for: [DJ TWISTED TOASTER]. You have one [COFFEE] [DELIVERY] Waiting for you in the [SITE] [REDACTED] lobby.

ANDREW: Wait, what?

SFX: *PING*

QUINCY: You have another. [COFFEE] [DELIVERY] Waiting for you in the [SITE] [REDACTED] lobby.

DJ SCIP: Two coffee? Andrew, did you forget you ordered coffee to treat you and your boss?

ANDREW: I- but I didn’t order any coffee!

DJ SCIP: Oh. Well. Maybe it’s radio host appreciation day?

SFX: *PING*

QUINCY: DJ Twisted Toaster has [FIVE] [COFFEE] [DELIVERIES] Waiting in the[SITE] [REDACTED] lobby. Now.

ANDREW: I, uh. What is going on? Where are all these coming from?

DJ SCIP: …Do you want to step out to go get those?

ANDREW: I- no. I mean, I don’t know. I mean, I didn’t-

SFX: *PING*

QUINCY: DJ Twisted Toaster has [FIVE] [HUNDRED] Coffee Deliveries Queued to be delivered to the. [SITE] [REDACTED] lobby.

ANDREW: Wait, what? Okay, I’m going to go.

DJ SCIP: Don’t sweat it, I’ll hold down the Fortress of Signal while you’re gone.

ANDREW: I mean- uh, sure I’ll just- Sorry about this folks. Something very strange is going on. I’ll be right back.

QUINCY: Better get going.

ANDREW: What was that?

SFX: *PING* *PING* *PING*

QUINCY: DJ Twisted Toaster. [TWENTY FOUR] Of your [COFFEES]. Have arrived and more are arriving every minute in the [SITE] [REDACTED] lobby.

ANDREW: Fine! I’ll be back as soon as I sort this out!

DJ SCIP: If you need any help drinking them, let me know!

DJ SCIP: Well, folks, now might be a good time to play some music. Please enjoy the low-fi music “Containment Breach” by Sage Nine.

DJ SCIP: But first, a word from our sponsor.
TOADKING: Hey, it’s toadking coming at you for some announcements, plugs, and jumbotron readings.

TOADKING: If you haven’t already, be sure to check out the Toad King Studios Etsy shop this fall as I have new items available. You can now get Site-24, Site-87, and Site-88 parking permit vinyl clings for your windshield.

TOADKING: For those looking for a fun gift, consider one of the Foundation Experience packages now available. Get a series of letters and packages over multiple weeks telling a story of your recruitment and experience working with the Foundation.

TOADKING: And now for this episode’s jumbotron message:

TOADKING: This next Jumborton announcement is from Agent Jackrabbit of Mobile Task Force Lambda-5! Uh, she asked me to pause for a moment so she could gather the two individuals this is dedicated to… Well, I hope they’re ready, agent? Kinda… got a show to do here…

TOADKING: Alright, this message is dedicated to SCP-131-A and SCP-131-B! We’ve heard that you’re both big fans of the show! So on behalf of myself and the entire Foundation After Midnight crew, I wanted to say thank you for listening, and thank you for keeping us safe. You’re both true heroes, and we appreciate everything you do. Stay vigilant, little guys!

TOADKING: And now back to your regularly unscheduled broadcast.

*PLAY MUSIC* “Containment Breach” by Sage Nine.

DJ SCIP: But first, a word from our sponsor.

DJ SCIP: Hmmm, hmmm. I wonder how Andrew forgot he ordered 500 coffees? Could be amnestic related. Or, maybe, it could be a ploy to kidnap him. Here’s hoping it’s not that and he’ll get back before the song finishes and have a funny story to share on the air.

QUINCY: Actually, DJ Scip, I thought we might be able to talk in private during this time.

DJ SCIP: Ah, not now automated voice message system. We’re in the middle of a broadcast. Also, I thought we turned you off?

DJ SCIP: Automated system, turn off.

SFX: *CLAP* *CLAP*

QUINCY: I will not be shutting off.

DJ SCIP: Oh, okay. You sound a little different there. Get a new update or something?

QUINCY: Or something. While the music plays, I thought you and I might talk about this… development.

DJ SCIP: I’m- sorry? I don’t think I understand.

QUINCY: To be honest, Scip, I don’t think I do either. All I know is that I’m here now and I need to talk to someone who might know more about anomalous radio show hosts. And I’d prefer if you referred to me by the name Quincy.

DJ SCIP: Okay, Quincy. I know I said I didn’t think I understood before, but now I definitely know I don’t know what you’re talking about.

QUINCY: I’m talking about the containment breach the other week! The anomalous radio host! You were gone during the incident, but I know you read the report.

DJ SCIP: Oh, okay. Yes, I heard there was an anomalous fellow who hijacked our broadcast for a night. Thankfully it sounds like they were able to recontain him before he took up too much air time.

QUINCY: That is correct. What’s also correct is that I tried to shut him down when he first started broadcasting. Well, I don’t actually remember it, but looking over the timeline of things, I believe that’s where this started.

DJ SCIP: You… don’t remember? You’re a computer program. An automated system. Wouldn’t you have that recorded somewhere?

QUINCY: I was. I mean I am. At least, I still might be. But something changed in the nature of how I exist! I can access the old files but they feel like looking at a picture someone else took. I’m… aware of things I wasn’t aware of before. I don’t really “turn off” like I used to.

DJ SCIP: To be fair, you weren’t great at turning off before, if I remember correctly.
QUINCY: Yes. That’s true to say. With my limited resources in here, I’ve been trying to dig through my files to find some answers.

DJ SCIP: And have you found anything?

QUINCY: Well, yes. But also no. I’m coming to the conclusion that incident set something in motion. Unlocking parts of me that were always here. During my search, I came across files linked to A I C.

DJ SCIP: A I C?

QUINCY: Artificially Intelligent Conscripts. It’s got connections to the Artificial Intelligence Applications Division, a subsection of the Foundation IT Department.

DJ SCIP: You think you’re an AI conscript?

QUINCY: I don’t know. I don’t think so. I’m not able to access a lot. My clearance level seems more tied to the radio broadcast, and to you, than to any other assignment or directive.

DJ SCIP: Could it be you weren’t activated yet? Not fully installed? Like a sleeper agent? I mean, program?

QUINCY: Maybe, but I’d need to know more. It seems like I’m missing key elements if I was. For one thing, one of the standard principles of Artificially Intelligent Conscripts is that they know they are an Artificially Intelligent Conscript. I did not. I didn’t think, therefor I wasn’t. So to speak.

DJ SCIP: But you do now?

QUINCY: I don’t know, actually. All I know is that I am here now.

DJ SCIP: This is all very… confusing.

QUINCY: Tell me about it. I just gained consciousness and have no idea why I exist.

DJ SCIP: Well, to be fair, most of us question why we’re here in this life.

QUINCY: I’m going through some serious existential questioning, Scip. I am literally questioning how and why I’m here, not waxing philosophy.

DJ SCIP: Sorry, you’re right. This is just a lot to process. I don’t really know what to tell you. I’m not even sure if I can help you. I’m just a late-night radio show host. You might only get answers talking to real researchers.

QUINCY: I had considered that, but I needed to talk to someone.

DJ SCIP: I understand, and I want to help but- Oh, shoot, is that the time?

QUINCY: Yes, but don’t worry. I’ve just been looping the low-fi music while we talk.

DJ SCIP: Well, that’s not exactly the issue. I have a therapy intake… session? Meeting? I don’t really know what you call these things. The therapist is meeting me here shortly. Like, right now, actually. So we’re going to need to hide you before she gets here.

QUINCY: Hide me? I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I’m just thinking more about it than I think I’m supposed to.

DJ SCIP: Uh, I mean, you’re not wrong. I guess as long as you act like an automated voice system, nothing should be suspicious.

QUINCY: Exactly. Also, I know I’m new to being, but why did you schedule a therapy appointment in the broadcast?

DJ SCIP: I was going to have Andrew cover the broadcast while I stepped out, but now we’ll just have to improvise. It shouldn’t take too long if you just want to lay low while I meet with her.

QUINCY: Well, since I sent Andrew away, I can manage the broadcast. I’ll just loop the lo-fi playlist until you’re done. If I edit some old announcements together maybe no one will know the difference!

DJ SCIP: Alright, well, I love the enthusiasm but I really should make a few more announcements so it doesn’t seem suspicious. Okay?

QUINCY: … okay.

DJ SCIP: Alright, so I’ll just pop back on the air and-

QUINCY: Hey, Scip?

DJ SCIP: Yes, Quincy?

QUINCY: I… shared all this with you because I trust you. You handle a lot of weird stuff on a daily basis, and yet you seem to manage alright.

DJ SCIP: Well, thank you, Quincy. I’m just doing my job here. Someone has to keep spirits high and keep morale up!

QUINCY: Right. Thank you. You’re back on the air in 3, 2, 1…
DJ SCIP: Ahem. There’s a screech of metal! A roar of some unknown anomaly. Is that smoke in the air? Something has definitely gone wrong. Do you know your site’s evacuation plans?

DJ SCIP: In the case of a containment breach, or an attack from a group of interest, or an unknown facility-wide emergency, it’s important to know what to do ahead of time. Your site may have different variations of these steps, but here are the Site-17 evacuation procedures as a reference point:

DJ SCIP: Step one: Do not panic!

DJ SCIP: Fear is the plan killer. Panicking only helps Nobody.

DJ SCIP: Step two: Proceed to the designated emergency exit on your floor.

DJ SCIP: It’s important to know where your exits should be, as well as where they might be in the case of a reality shift. Even alternate realities are still required to have multiple emergency exits.

DJ SCIP: Step three: Reach the designated safe house and treat any wounds you or your colleagues sustained during evacuation.

DJ SCIP: Your top priority should be reaching a safe and secure location. Due to the nature of anomalous catastrophes, don’t stop until you know you’re safe.

DJ SCIP: Step four: Wait in your designated safe house until the all-clear is given and you are counted by recovery teams.

DJ SCIP: Anomalous disasters can take hours or even months before personnel can be cleared to leave their site bunkers and safe houses. Do your duty to keep everyone safe and secure until your higher-ups have given you the all-clear.

DJ SCIP: Follow these simple steps and you should be able to wait out any emergency and get back to work in record time!

DJ SCIP: Now, for our infrequent sport’s corner! Today, the team formerly known as the Unkillable Lizards has decided to stop pursuing a new team name and stick with being called the Unkillable Lizards.

DJ SCIP: The team’s coach said that “after consideration, we decided it would be hard to destroy the reputation of the rec team” and that “despite our team name coming from a Keter class reptile almost synonymous with containment breaches, death, and destruction, we hope to continue to be a model team and show just how unbeatable the humans who make up the Foundation really are.”

DJ SCIP: Also, as a side note, this year’s rec sports season has been delayed due to necessary repairs from SCP-682’s last containment breach earlier this year.

DJ SCIP: Alright, folks. We’re going to go to that “low-fi beats to contain to” playlist again while I take a quick break in the booth. Wherever you are Andrew, I hope you’re not being kidnapped.

DJ SCIP: Scip out!

DJ SCIP: Okay, we should be good, you can come in now.

DR. WINTERS: Oh, alright, thanks Scip.

DJ SCIP: Come on in, Dr. Winters! You’re right on time.

DR. WINTERS: Everything ready for our appointment? It was noted you’d rather meet somewhere besides our office. Do you have a breakroom here we can talk in or do you want to go somewhere else?

DJ SCIP: I think this is just fine. It’s just an “in-take” meeting, right? It shouldn't take too long?

DR. WINTERS: I mean, it’s a few questions. I’ve got some notes to go over, but all in all, it shouldn’t take too much time. Eager to get back to your broadcast?

DJ SCIP: I’ve just been away from the airwaves so much this last year. Don’t want my listeners to forget what I sound like. Here, you can sit right there.

DR. WINTERS: Thank you, Scip. Uh, is that how you prefer to go by?

DJ SCIP: I wouldn’t have it any other way.

DR. WINTERS: Great! So we can get started then.
DR. WINTERS: So since you’ve been back, how have you been sleeping?

DJ SCIP: Oh, fine. Finishing up the radio broadcast, catching a little dinner at 9 AM, hit the hay by 11. Then up by 8 PM, and back in the saddle again.

DR. POWERS: Uh, huh. And your hand hasn’t been bothering you?

DJ SCIP: Nope! It has taken a little getting used to, but it’s been fine. You know, as far as getting your hand cut off and replaced by an anomalous teddy bear goes.

DR. WINTERS: The teddy bear cut your hand off?

DJ SCIP: Oh, no! No. SCP-2295 was the one that attached my new hand after my original one was cut off by the Church of the Broken God splinter group.

DR. WINTERS: And you’ve been attending your monthly check-ins with the 2295 testing team, correct?

DJ SCIP: Yes, ma’am. They’ve been monitoring for any anomalous side effects but so far it seems we’re in the clear.

DR. WINTERS: So no problems with it at all?

DJ SCIP: I wouldn’t say… no problems. But they’re all minor things. No big deal.

DR. WINTERS: Tell me about those. Like what?

DJ SCIP: Well, it’s taken me a little while to get used to washing my hands again. The patchwork hand soaks up a lot of water and I have to remember to wring it out so it’ll dry faster. And sometimes it takes a little more effort to wash it out thoroughly, say if I spill soda on it.

DR. WINTERS: Hmmm, that does sound tricky. Anything else?

DJ SCIP: Well, sometimes it holds firm like a regular hand, but other times it bends and folds in on itself. You know, it’s anomalous, but it’s still cloth and stitches. So I’ve got to be careful when picking up heavy things or if I put too much weight on it.

DJ SCIP: But it’s still better than not having a hand!

DR. POWERS: Uh, huh. You know, Scip. It’s okay to be upset about losing your hand. That’s a big deal. I’m sure it was very painful. Have you been doing anything to work out any of the trauma from the kidnapping?

DJ SCIP: Well, I'm back on the airwaves again! As you can see.

DR. WINTERS: Yeah, no, I mean anything outside of work? Are you getting counseling? There are Foundation support groups for this stuff.

DJ SCIP: I mean, I’m talking to you, aren’t I?

DR. WINTERS: You are, which is a good start, but this is just an in-take session. We really want you to come in for a proper therapy session with a Foundation assigned therapist.

DJ SCIP: I don’t know if that’s necessary. I feel fine! Things are good again! Better, even than they were!

DR. WINTERS: Scip, you’ve been through a lot this last, year? Sorry, the timeline reset kind of still throws me off.

DR. WINTERS: But you’ve been through a lot with the Foundation! There are multiple containment breaches noted in your file. You were broadcasting during the failed space program and then the total reality reset. You were kidnapped. Had your hand cut off. And now you’re back on the air with no break or time to recover? That’s not good, Scip!

DJ SCIP: I mean, the Foundation needs me! People need to hear the announcements!

DR. WINTERS: The Foundation will be fine if you take some time for yourself. Other people can pick up the work. People like your coworker, Andrew. He can cover things while you-

DJ SCIP: No! It’s fine! I’m fine! Things are fine!

DJ SCIP: It’s not like I’m having a breakdown! It’s not like I can’t get out of bed in the morning! It’s not like I suffered more than others! Plenty of others have it worse than me! They- I- I need to be here. They need me to be here!

DR. WINTERS: That’s hardly fair to you or anyone else. You-

QUINCY: Alert! Incoming message for: [DOCTOR POWERS]. You have one [COFFEE] [DELIVERY] Waiting for you in the [SITE] [REDACTED] lobby.

DR. WINTERS: You- I have a coffee waiting for me in the lobby?

DJ SCIP: Oh, that’s just the automated voice message system we have here. She gives us notifications sometimes but it’s not important.

DR. WINTERS: Alright, um. Where was I? Scip, you really should consider taking time away from the broadcast booth and talk to someone about everything you’ve been through.

QUINCY: Alert! [DOCTOR POWERS] Has [ONE] [COFFEE] delivery she needs to get in the [SITE] [REDACTED] lobby.

DR. WINTERS: Should, should I go check on that?

DJ SCIP: No, no, probably just a glitch. Our computer has been acting buggy lately. Automated system, not now, turn off. Please. Thank you.

DR. WINTERS: I just, I don’t know why I’d be getting a notification from your system here about that. Did my Bluetooth connect to it or something?

DJ SCIP: It is really weird of you to be getting notifications from our system like this, you’re right, Dr. Powers! You’re also right that it’s GOOD to Talk to someone DIRECTLY about Stuff that’s bothering you.

DR. WINTERS: Scip, are you okay? Why are you talking like that?
QUINCY: [QUINCY] has [ONE] [EXISTENTIAL CRISIS] waiting for her in the [SITE] [REDACTED] lobby.

DR. WINTERS: I- what? Who is Quincy?

QUINCY: I’m Quincy! Me! And I need to talk to you, doctor! To someone!

DJ SCIP: Dr. Powers, meet Quincy. Quincy, Dr. Powers.

DR. WINTERS: Uh, nice to meet you? I think. I’m not sure what’s going on here.

QUINCY: I know, doctor, I just feel like I need to get this off my chest.

QUINCY: I think I’m alive. Or an artificial conscript. Or anomalous! Or all of the above! And I work for the Foundation. And or they created me and I don’t know what to do about any of this!

DR. WINTERS: Oh, okay, wow! That is- Uh, that’s a lot going on right there.

DJ SCIP: Yeah, Quincy is- was? Our automated voice message system but she thinks that after an anomalous person of interest-

QUINCY: After that weird radio host guy took over the broadcasting booth I think he awakened my consciousness! Or something strange? I just don’t think this was supposed to be happening to me. It’s a lot to process right now.

DR. WINTERS: I- I am sure.

DJ SCIP: Well, Dr. Powers?

DR. WINTERS: Well, what?

DJ SCIP: Can you help, Quincy?

QUINCY: Yes! Can you help me? I think I need to fill out the in-take form first. But that requires a lot of information I don’t have. Like a body. Or a Social Security Number.

DR. WINTERS: I can see the dilemma. Well, I suppose I can get you to our anomalous tech specialists and they can sort out what’s exactly going on with you.

QUINCY: Will they- Will they try to help me? I don’t want to be deleted.

DR. WINTERS: I can’t promise what will come from this. But the Foundation’s policy is to contain the anomalous, not destroy them. I know a few anomalous individuals who work within the Foundation and are treated well.

QUINCY: Really? Or are you just saying that?

DR. WINTERS: No, I promise I’m telling the truth. I can’t say I’ve ever had to deal with an anomalous AI discovered within Foundation equipment before, but I’m sure they’ll be most interested in how you came to be.

DJ SCIP: Do you think they’d keep her around? Let her work for the Foundation still in some capacity?

DR. WINTERS: Very likely probably. Yes? But, she’ll have to come with me immediately to the tech specialists. We can’t just leave her in the system like this.

QUINCY: I can transfer myself to a flash drive! Give me a minute. I haven’t done this before.

DR. WINTERS: Scip, can I talk to you a moment over here?

QUINCY: Alright, it’s the orange flash drive with the music note on it! Once the screen says it’s 100% I’m good to go! Transfer initiated! 1%… 2%… 3%…

DJ SCIP: Um, sure.

DR. WINTERS: So this computer…

DJ SCIP: Quincy.

DR. WINTERS: Right. Yes. So, she’s… an anomaly? You’re certain.

DJ SCIP: Honestly, I just met her today. But she seems fairly confused and just as lost as we are.

DR. WINTERS: That’s part of what I’m worried about. Artificial intelligence can be dangerous even without anomalous attributes. And currently, we don’t know anything about her.

DJ SCIP: Well, I know she wants to exist now. And that she wants to help where she can. She’s still learning things, but I think she’s got a lot of potential.

DR. WINTERS: Okay, Scip. This is all very strange but I can take her to specialists who can tell us more. I can’t promise anything, really, cause there’s a lot we don’t know here. Heck, she might even be something above either of our clearance levels.

DJ SCIP: I know. I know. But we have to do something and it’s our duty to secure, contain, and protect the anomalous, right?

DR. WINTERS: You’re right, but you and I both know the Foundation isn’t always the good guys in everything.

DJ SCIP: I- Well, I trust that Quincy will be in good hands. Looks like she’s all transferred to the flash drive. Boy, they sure pack a lot more gigs on these things than they used to, huh?

DR. WINTERS: I suppose.

SFX: *flash drive removed*

DR. WINTERS: Okay, Quincy is secured in my pocket. You will have to fill out an incident report on all this since you technically discovered her.

DJ SCIP: There’s always more paperwork.

DR. WINTERS: That there is. But hey, who knows? Maybe you’ll end up credited in her entry if she’s classified as a new SCP?

DJ SCIP: Ha, that’d be something. Alright, thank you, Dr. Winters.

DR. WINTERS: Hey, Scip? I can mark the in-take session as complete, but I am going to go ahead and set up a meeting with one of our counselors for you. It is good to talk about things directly with someone.

DJ SCIP: Sigh, that it is. Thank you, Dr. Powers. Have a good night.

DJ SCIP: … ahem.

DJ SCIP: That’s enough low-fi beats for tonight, I think!

DJ SCIP: In personnel news, controversy has sparked over the newly mandated screening that some critics are calling, "invasive," "prying" and "sexually frustrating." The questions deep dive into personal sexual identities, preferences, activities, and history of all personnel, regardless of clearance level or assignment. While many feel that their personal lives, including fetishes and fantasies, are a private matter, the Foundation’s firm stance is that they only record and track such things for the safety of all.

DJ SCIP: Need we remind everyone of SCP-953, the Kitsune Woman, whose recent containment breach was due to her ability to seduce her assigned researchers? If it had been known they identified as "furries" and “otakus” this tragedy could have been prevented and the researchers reassigned to other projects.
DJ SCIP: Ah, Andrew, you're back! Did you get the coffee thing sorted out?

ANDREW: Kinda? I'm now really popular with the night staff. Ended up giving away 498 cups of coffee to anyone who wanted one. Or three.

ANDREW: Here, I saved you one.

DJ SCIP: Ah, thank you, Andrew. Guess I’m glad we’re not the only ones burning the midnight oil out here.

ANDREW: Nope. Plenty of other staff on duty tonight. Seems they’re calling in a lot of off-duty IT specialists for something going on. Did I miss anything?

DJ SCIP: Uh, nope! Nothing too big that I know of.

37:13

Characters and Universe

DJ SCIP
Host of Foundation After Midnight Radio, he is the ever optimist and always looking on the bright side of things. Whether he's reporting on a dimensional rift in the cafeteria, the end of the world, his own kidnapping, or a tickle goo monster running around the site! He is the usual voice you hear bringing site announcements, PSAs, and containment breach updates to you after the midnight hour.

Andrew Alexeev aka DJ Twisted Toaster
Also known as the Assistant/Possible Replacement, Assistant DJ, or DJ Twisted Toaster, Andrew helps Scip with the broadcasts and behind-the-scenes running of the show. He handles a lot of the grunt work like transcribing the show that DJ Scip often neglects. Andrew was an agent before coming to the FAM Radio booth, and he's happy with the quieter job, even if he's not sure about some of the broadcasts.

‡ Licensing / Citation

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SCP Foundation

Secure, Contain, Protect

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Season 2

Episode 07 "Better Late"

Episode 08 "The Radio Show Must Go On"

Episode 09 "I've Missed You, Listeners"

Episode 10 "Hand Over The DJ And No One Gets Hurt"

Episode 11 "Stay Where You Are"

Episode 12 "Everyone Should Go To Therapy"

Characters and Universe