Foundation After Midnight Radio Hub

Whether this is your first day with the Foundation, or you’re just looking for a refresher, we here at FAM Radio want to help you keep up to snuff on what the Foundation is. (The retroactive first episode where we cover the basics with audio from other SCP readers.)

00:00
DJ SCIP: Hi, I’m your host, DJ Scip, and you’re listening to Foundation After Midnight Radio, the only radio station broadcasting from within the Foundation during these sweet, sweet midnight hours.

DJ SCIP: I’m coming to you live from an undisclosed location, but regardless of whether it’s midnight where you are or not, I invite you to listen in for announcements, warnings, and important happenings, so let me be the first to say, “Welcome to the Foundation!”

DJ SCIP: It’s that time of year again when the Foundation hires on a bunch of new personnel! Not that it’s a set thing, but it always seems like every year, there’s an influx of new recruits coming in. We here at 93.[REDACTED] FAM Radio wanted to make sure we properly welcomed you to our humble, world-saving organization.

DJ SCIP: You might have been brought in because you were at the top of your class, the brightest in your field, or, maybe, you saw something you weren’t supposed to. Something beyond explanation. You tried to bring attention to it, but you were laughed out of good standing. Now, in disgrace, you have no choice but to work within our clandestine organization, protecting the poor unsuspecting masses, as well as the fools who mocked you. Whatever your story, we’re happy to have you here.
To make sure you’re all up to speed, we’re going to take this time to explain some essential bits of information about the Foundation. So let’s start with the big one: What is the Foundation?

DJ SCIP: The Foundation is an organization committed to housing the strange and unnatural by whatever means necessary. It’s a thankless job, but without us, society would crumble, the planet would fracture, reality would be undone, or worse.

DJ SCIP: Now, we have a recording from the Administrator that I heard when I first started here. Just got to blow the dust off the old tapes.

*blows dust*

DJ SCIP: Haha, just kidding, everything is digital now.

*plays "A Word From The Administrator" by TheVolgun*

TheVolgun: “Mankind in its present state has been around for a quarter of a million years, yet only the last 4,000 have been of any significance.

TheVolgun: So, what did we do for nearly 250,000 years? We huddled in caves and around small fires, fearful of the things that we didn't understand. It was more than explaining why the sun came up. It was the mystery of enormous birds with heads of men and rocks that came to life. So we called them 'gods' and 'demons,' begged them to spare us, and prayed for salvation.

TheVolgun: In time, their numbers dwindled, and ours rose. The world began to make more sense when there were fewer things to fear, yet the unexplained can never truly go away as if the universe demands the absurd and impossible.

TheVolgun: Mankind must not go back to hiding in fear. No one else will protect us, and we must stand up for ourselves.

TheVolgun: While the rest of mankind dwells in the light, we must stand in the darkness to fight it, contain it, and shield it from the eyes of the public so that others may live in a sane and normal world.

TheVolgun: We secure. We contain. We protect.”

DJ SCIP: Couldn’t have said it better myself.

DJ SCIP: Secure. Contain. Protect. That’s our simple motto. We secure the anomalous and remove them for the general population for everyone’s safety. We contain them to minimize their effects on the outside world or sometimes the outside world’s effect on them. And we protect the world from the harmful effects of the entities within our walls, even at the cost of our own lives.

DJ SCIP: We are the last bastion of security in a world where natural laws rapidly break down. We are here to protect humanity from the things that go bump in the night, from people who wield power beyond mortal understanding. We are here to make the world a safer place. We are the holders of wonders and the caretakers of dreams. We are why the world continues.

DJ SCIP: We hide things that would throw physics on its head, monstrosities that would kill every living thing. We also hold amazing constructs and entities that could just as easily elevate our very existence as they could fry our minds.

DJ SCIP: These are often referred to as ‘S’ ‘C’ ‘P,’ followed by an identifying number, but also sometimes called ‘skips’ for short. SCP stands for “Special Containment Procedures” and refers to how an anomalous entity is kept within the Foundation. In order to contain each SCP, special containment procedures make up a list of necessary materials and protocols that must be followed to properly keep it safely tucked away. They are generally classified as ‘Safe’ if they can be locked away without issue, ‘Euclid’ if they need to be more actively monitored and secured, and ‘Keter’ if they present threat even in containment and require the utmost security and surveillance to keep them contained.

DJ SCIP: An SCP might be a person, an animal, an item, a place, even something, an occurrence with unnatural, abnormal, paranormal properties and abilities. Things that defy what we know about the universe. They are then numbered for cataloging purposes and found in all corners of the globe. They are as strange as they are numerous, with some even found beyond our planet, our universe, or our known dimension!

DJ SCIP: You’ll learn some are more well known to personnel while others are much more obscure, rarely referenced at all. Keep in mind that they are to be treated equally, which is typically neutrally, regardless of what they are or what we know of them. Getting too close to an entity or even loathing one can negatively affect your ability to make rational decisions regarding their containment and the protection of those around you.

DJ SCIP: These horrors and oddities are held at a number of sites and facilities hidden throughout the world and are secured, researched, and locked away by just as many people who work in secret, unknown to the outside world.

DJ SCIP: If the Foundation were a body, its bones would be concrete and metal cells. The organs are the deadly shadow people, living cars, hellish nightmares, and cheaply made children’s toys. They must be kept inside the body. The personnel would be the skin, and muscles, and lifeblood—the squishy yet important bits. From the guardian security forces to the noble researchers, we, the people, are the Foundation.

DJ SCIP: Researchers lead in the understanding of anomalies, testing their strengths and weakness, lighting the way for better containment procedures and safer handling of skips.

DJ SCIP: Security teams are our first line of defense, protecting from dangers within, as well as without, the facilities they patrol.

DJ SCIP: Mobile Task Forces are our sword, reaching out and cutting down dangerous entities and bringing them in for the world’s safety.

DJ SCIP: Dealing with anomalous beings is very dangerous, and while we have the latest technology, sometimes you need a human set of hands, eyes, and ears. Often literally cause some of these will only respond to human matter.

DJ SCIP: This is where D-Class personnel come in. Though not here of their own free will, they serve an important role just as well. Usually, death row inmates, these men, and women are repaying their debt to society by giving their lives to the progression of science! They may be human guinea pigs, but damn it, they are our human guinea pigs, and they help us to keep the dark at bay one way or another!

DJ SCIP: Lastly, I’m to mention that all personnel, including you newbies, are welcome to join the inter-site intramural softball league! This season starts off soon, so teams are filling up! Will you be on the Site-19’s Staring Statues, the Site-REDACTED’s Unkillable Lizards, or the Site-103’s Landmine Cacti? Hope to see you on the field!

DJ SCIP: Now for some FAQ for everyone listening in tonight. I’ve got an old recording from an orientation I did a while back.

DJ SCIP: Since we don’t have a chance for questions later, we’re going to tackle a few frequently asked questions instead.

DJ SCIP: 1. Is the Foundation evil?

DJ SCIP: While we may be using human test subjects, hoarding away a pill that can cure cancer, and possess several never-ending supplies of food like a pizza box that will always have a full pie with your favorite toppings on it every time you open the box that could potentially bring about the end of world hunger but instead use it for lowering the food budget.

DJ SCIP: No, the Foundation has no plans to take over, destroy, or change the world. If anything, we want the world to go about doing exactly what it’s doing. Let humanity run its course without being disturbed by the disturbing entities within our walls.

DJ SCIP: 2. How many SCPs are there?

DJ SCIP: The exact number is hard to say. There are new SCPs being discovered all the time, as well as those only recently being released for certain clearance levels, but currently, there are over 2,000 documented SCPs in containment.

DJ SCIP: 3. Why don’t we just kill SCPs?

DJ SCIP: Because it’s not that simple. Some of these can’t be killed, some of them might even become worse, but often it's simply because we’ve been told not to. We Protect our faculty as well as the entities we house. It’s also harder to learn from a corpse.

DJ SCIP: 4. Are the D-Class Personnel really all death row criminals? Because there seem to be a lot of them, and this one guy said he WASN’T a criminal and that he’s got a family back home and blah blah blah.

DJ SCIP: If you hear something like this, then you’ve encountered a tricky D-Class personnel and should report them to the Department of Resources, coma, Human so it can be marked on their profile. All D-Class personnel have thoroughly categorized psychiatric profiles, and they will be reassigned properly.

DJ SCIP: 5. Does anyone else know about The Foundation?

DJ SCIP: We don’t talk about them much as it will typically not be in your department, but we want you up to speed. Yes, there are other organizations who know about us and what we do here, and most of them have their own ideas and agendas when it comes to dealing with anomalous objects.

DJ SCIP: Marshall, Carter and Dark Ltd, who sell and trade anomalous objects for profit, the Global Occult Coalition, who seeks to destroy anomalous objects, the Chaos Insurgency, a splinter group broke off from the Foundation, are just a few worth noting.

DJ SCIP: Beyond that, we exist and operate in secrecy to all except for high-ranking civilian government officials.

DJ SCIP: Now, while not required viewing material, some media that I may recommend to new personnel would include “Cabin in the Woods,” “John Dies At The End,” and “Torchwood,” to name a few. A complete list of my personal recommendations can be found on my blog!

DJ SCIP: Next up! We have a recording that properly covers the full mission statement and operations of the Foundation here. Please enjoy!

*Plays "We Are S.C.P." by SCPReadings*

SCPReadings: Operating clandestine and worldwide, the Foundation operates beyond jurisdiction, empowered and entrusted by every major national government with the task of containing anomalous objects, entities, and phenomena. These anomalies pose a significant threat to global security by threatening either physical or psychological harm.

SCPReadings: The Foundation operates to maintain normalcy so that the worldwide civilian population can live and go on with their daily lives without fear, mistrust, or doubt in their personal beliefs and to maintain human independence from extraterrestrial, extradimensional, and other extranormal influence.

SCPReadings: Our mission is three-fold:

SCPReadings: Secure

SCPReadings: The Foundation secures anomalies with the goal of preventing them from falling into the hands of civilian or rival agencies, through extensive observation and surveillance and by acting to intercept such anomalies at the earliest opportunity.

SCPReadings: Contain

SCPReadings: The Foundation contains anomalies with the goal of preventing their influence or effects from spreading, by either relocating, concealing or dismantling such anomalies or by suppressing or preventing public dissemination of knowledge thereof.
Protect

SCPReadings: The Foundation protects humanity from the effects of such anomalies as well as the anomalies themselves until such time that they are either fully understood, or new theories of science can be devised based on their properties and behavior. The Foundation may also neutralize or destroy anomalies as an option of last resort if they are determined to be too dangerous to be contained.

SCPReadings: Foundation Operations

SCPReadings: Foundation covert and clandestine operations are undertaken across the globe in pursuit of our primary missions.

SCPReadings: Special Containment Procedures

SCPReadings: The Foundation maintains an extensive database of information regarding anomalies requiring Special Containment Procedures, commonly referred to as "SCPs." The primary Foundation database contains summaries of such anomalies and emergency procedures for maintaining or re-establishing safe containment in the case of a containment breach or other event.

SCPReadings: Anomalies may take many forms, be it an object, an entity, a location, or a free-standing phenomenon. These anomalies are categorized into one of several Object Classes and are either contained at one of the Foundation's myriad Secure Facilities or contained on-site if relocation is deemed unfeasible.

SCPReadings: Operational Security

SCPReadings: The Foundation operates with the utmost secrecy. All Foundation personnel must observe the Security Clearance Levels as well as need-to-know and compartmentalization of information. Personnel found in violation of Foundation security protocols will be identified, detained, and subject to disciplinary action.

SCPReadings: Rival Agencies and Groups of Interest

SCPReadings: The Foundation is not the only organization with knowledge of and capability to interact with or utilize anomalies. While some of these Groups of Interest have similar goals and may cooperate with us on issues of global security, many more are opportunistic and profit-oriented, seeking to adapt or use anomalies to their own ends. Foundation personnel are instructed to treat individuals from such groups with suspicion at all times, and collaboration with such groups without the explicit prior consent of Foundation leadership will be cause for termination or other disciplinary action.”

DJ SCIP: Well, that is a lot of material to take in, so we’re going to take a break for now.

DJ SCIP: If you have any additional questions, you are always welcome to call me here at the Foundation After Midnight Radio hotline by dialing (512) 937-2346, that’s (512) 93-RADIO and leave a voicemail!

DJ SCIP: If we like your question and answer it on the air, you could be our lucky winner and receive a level 4 clearance badge! Granting you clearance access to information deemed restricted and top secret!

DJ SCIP: Coffee and snacks are available in your site’s lobby, which are down the hall to the left of bathrooms, but don’t go to the right! How do I know this with so many sites around the globe? Why I’m your friendly late-night Foundation radio host, it’s my job to keep up with everything going on behind the scenes within our behind-the-scenes organization.

DJ SCIP: Welcome to the Foundation family. It only gets stranger from here. But in a good way. Except for containment breaches. Those are when an anomalous entity has breached its containment. Those are strange in a very bad way.

DJ SCIP: And on that note, goodnight.
18:16

After deciding, "Fuck it! We're done containing this mess!" The O5 Council launches the Foundation Space Program, which will launch various Keter class SCPs into the sun.

00:00
DJ SCIP: Welcome to Foundation After Midnight, the free Foundation radio show broadcasting globally, transcending site boundaries and clearance levels to bring you all the latest news and happenings here within the Foundation.

DJ SCIP: Not midnight where you’re at? Well, it’s midnight somewhere, and that’s where we’re broadcasting from!

DJ SCIP: A quick shout out to all of my researchers, security guards, D-class personnel, agents, and the rest of you working the late night to early day shifts within the only organization that keeps our humble planet spinning properly.

DJ SCIP: I’m your host, DJ Scip. You’re listening to 93.[REDACTED] FAM radio, and this is a memetic kill agent to weed out those who don’t have the proper clearance level to access this channel.

*INTRO PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Still with us? Good!

DJ SCIP: In recent news, the “Days since last containment breach” counter has once again been reset.

DJ SCIP: Don’t worry, folks, we’ll get to those double digits one day!

DJ SCIP: This just goes to reinforce what I always say! “Don’t run with scips!”
The groundbreaking ceremony for the new Temporal Anomaly Research Development and Integration Station will commence tomorrow. The center will aid in the understanding and utilizing of time and space-based anomalies and paradoxes.

DJ SCIP: Construction is expected to be completed last year.

DJ SCIP: Once again, The Overseers wish to remind all that Site-78 does not, nor has it ever existed. Ever. There is no Site-78. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar and should be reported to their appropriate department head.

DJ SCIP: We have a big announcement here. I am excited to inform you all of the successful first launch of the Foundation Space Program. As I may remind you, this was a new direction for the Foundation, who has in the past maintained that “Secure, Contain, Protect” is the way to handle anomalous subjects. The discussion on the topic over the years finally reached a boiling point at last year’s meeting when O5-8 declared… hold on, let me get the direct quote here. “Fuck it. Go ahead. We just don’t care enough anymore. Launch ‘em all into the bleeding sun. We give up on containing this mess!”

DJ SCIP: The first of many scips sent out into space last week have just passed the planet mercury and, within the next 5 minutes, will reach their scheduled final destination. Our sun!

DJ SCIP: As voted upon unanimously by the administrators, the first launched was SCP-682, aka “The Unkillable Lizard.” Researchers believe with the cold of space, then extreme heat, and immense gravity of our sun, we will finally finish off the foul beast.

DJ SCIP: Those of us down here who lost someone we knew to the damn gecko, we just wanted to offer a special goodbye; “Say Hi to the sun! Don’t forget to write! We hope it hurts, ya scaly sonovabitch!”

DJ SCIP: Listeners can let us know which scip they’d like to have launched into the sun via the Foundation Space Program by giving us a call at 512-937-2346.

DJ SCIP: Researchers are reminded that just because they consider their assigned subject to be quote, “cliched,” “boring,” or “over-done,” they are not to leave their post for any reason. Also, venturing off-facility during research hours is not permitted.

DJ SCIP: Even if it’s just to run to that smoothie place at the strip mall. More so if said persons did not bring back smoothies for the rest of the department staff!
A quick note to female personnel new to the site, if a dog enters the women showers and/or locker room, simply steal his glasses.

DJ SCIP: He’s not allowed in there, and he should know better.

DJ SCIP: A potential anomalous subject sighting has been called in. Apparently, a very well-known and jolly holiday entity may or may not now be flying around the Northern Hemisphere due to a young reality ben- um, due to a certain young “bixbie.”

DJ SCIP: Researchers assigned to the individual ask that staff please reference the approved fairy tales and children's stories before conversing with bixbies in containment.

DJ SCIP: Mobile Task Force “Little Helpers” have been assigned to track down the big red fella. Good luck out there, boys. Stay frosty.

DJ SCIP: We are receiving an update from the Space Program: Alright, we have confirmation that first transport will be making contact with the sun’s surface in T-minus…

DJ SCIP: 4… 3… 2… 1… TOUCHDOWN!

DJ SCIP: The first scip has made contact with the sun! The next few transports are scheduled to make contact at varying times this afternoon. With them, they will be carrying a number of Euclid and Keter class artifacts that will never again plague humanity!

DJ SCIP: Please note that a number of solar flares are expected for this afternoon resulting from the launches, and you should not be alarmed if our signal is disrupted temporarily throughout today’s broadcast.

DJ SCIP: This truly is a great day in history.

DJ SCIP: And now, here is Ajoura on 93.[REDACTED], and their track “The SCP Foundation Main Theme.”

*SONG PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: And we’re back.

DJ SCIP: Now for our small and infrequent, but nonetheless beloved, sports corner, we have an update on the intramural softball league. Site-[REDACTED]’s Unkillable Lizards are facing off against the Site-19 Staring Statues this weekend.

DJ SCIP: After their close game that went into overtime with Area-02’s Toasters, fans are wondering if the Unkillable Lizards will prove to be as unstoppable as their name suggests.

*STATIC*

DJ SCIP: To whoever has repeatedly put up flyers about an official Foundation “Bring your daughter to work” day, please stop.

DJ SCIP: All personnel are advised that such an event would never be scheduled, and anyone telling you otherwise is misinformed and encouraging unsafe workplace activities. As such, they should be reported immediately.

DJ SCIP: Shenanigans like this can only end in disaster.

DJ SCIP: An update on the status of SCP-682- *static* -871 and the other anomalous objects launched into the sun.

DJ SCIP: Our instruments are reading. It is still alive somehow. Uh, I mean, we knew that bastard wouldn’t go down easy… Let’s see here…

DJ SCIP: “After contact with the sun… reached temperatures of…yada yada yada…Ah, here, It appears the subject had been adapting to the heat of the G-class star known as Sol well before reaching its surface…”

DJ SCIP: “It broke free from its transport, and while it was unable to escape the gravitational pull, it was able to adapt to living in the vacuum of space…”

DJ SCIP: Thankfully, it was unable to interfere with any of the other transports before they reached their projected destination.

DJ SCIP: We are also getting reports that a ticking sound can be heard when viewers look directly into the sun. Those exposed to the phenomena claim that it sounds like the ticking is counting down to something and fills them with a horrible sensation of dread. Exposure to the sun should be avoided at all costs until this anomalous activity has been properly understood and contained.

DJ SCIP: Man, from the way these are coming in, it’s a good thing we didn’t launch that miniature black hole like originally planned… or the sun parasite…

*STATIC*

SCP-682: ..they think they are in CONTROL…

*STATIC*
13:19

With the failure to launch a number of dangerous SCPs into the sun, the Foundation hurries to turn things around and fix what they can despite Protocol Svalinn and the global quarantine.

00:00
DJ SCIP: Welcome to Foundation After Midnight, the free Foundation radio show broadcasting around the world and into space! That’s right. We know you can hear us up there! Anyway, we’re bending time and space and clearance levels to bring you all the newest updates from around the Foundation.

DJ SCIP: Not midnight where you’re at? Well, it’s kind of hard to tell if it’s day or night with all the anomalous activities going on with the sun lately, but it’s definitely midnight here!

DJ SCIP: I’m your host, DJ Scip. You’re listening to 93.[REDACTED] FAM radio, and this is a memetic mind wiping agent to weed out anyone who doesn’t have the proper clearance levels to access this channel.

*INTRO PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Can you still remember your name? Glad to hear it!

DJ SCIP: To start things off, we’d like to remind everyone that since protocol Svalinn, global quarantine is in effect, all nonessential resources and personnel are being reassigned to site teams. Teams will be focusing on the various ongoing sun-related cataclysms threatening the world and how to best to solve them.

DJ SCIP: In an effort to raise morale within the Foundation, higher-ups have been allowing groups to choose their own team names.

DJ SCIP: So far, Team Mechanical Masterminds of Math has had the most promising brainstorming, having the most concepts to be confiscated and classified by higher-ups out of any group so far.

DJ SCIP: Reports have come in from the Foundation Space Program about a new satellite mass that has appeared just beyond the Earth’s moon. It seems during the space program’s launchings last week that the shuttle that was transporting two hundred and thirty-seven self-replicating Keter class cakes exploded on its way to the sun.

DJ SCIP: So we have bad news and good news. The bad news is that it’s been growing at an exponential rate, nearly doubling in size every day. The good news is this broadcast is coming in clearer as the cakes have been absorbing the increasing solar flare activity.

DJ SCIP: Via Team Golden Comet’s proposal, a unique crew has been sent to the surface to investigate, comprised of D-Class personnel who have exhibited exceptional skill and cooperation in the past in the consumption of cakes. They have been tasked with exploring options in stemming its growth and have been fittingly dubbed "Team Death By Chocolate."

DJ SCIP: Well, I can’t say I envy the D-Class personnel, but that does sound delicious…

DJ SCIP: An update on the whereabouts of the damned hard-to-kill reptile. With its newly formed “solar wings,” its current course will have it passing Venus in the next few minutes, likely continuing its trajectory towards Earth. Guess the scaly fucker really wants to come home…

DJ SCIP: If anyone has any suggestions on how to secure and contain the space lizard, your team has about one week to submit your ideas. At this point, everything barring “Throwing it back into the sun.” will be accepted and considered.

DJ SCIP: Good try, Team “Knights who say, Nickel.”
While construction for the Temporal Anomaly Research Development and Integration Station has only been underway for a week, exciting new reports have already come in from the station!

DJ SCIP: Unfortunately, no researchers have been assigned to the station yet, so the reports are being investigated for authenticity and will not be released to the Foundation public at this time.

DJ SCIP: This just handed to me. All site personnel are to be on high alert! A suspicious person of interest may or may not be wandering around the facilities. The person in question may be disguised as a member of staff, or as an anomalous entity, or maybe as a… cat?

DJ SCIP: So far, no one has been able to record the individual or produce any evidence of their encounter with it, and everyone who claims to have seen the suspicious person seems to have trouble recalling anything about it at all.

DJ SCIP: So if you see someone wandering around that you do not recognize or have trouble remembering, or can’t remember, or they are a cat or all of those things, please keep a visual on them and try your best to report it as soon as possible.

DJ SCIP: Further updates will be announced as details come in… though don’t hold your breath.

DJ SCIP: As you all know, or may not know, I am a lover, and supporter, of the arts. With that, the I.T. Department would like me to remind you that DVD copies of the test recordings from SCP-630 are still available for $50 a pop.

DJ SCIP: Yes, that is right, you can now personally own a recording of the spontaneous, and often hilarious, song-and-dance routines and musical performances acted out by various members of personnel, including such favorites as Agent Lament!

*LAMENT AUDIO PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Prof. Bjornsen!

*BJORNSEN AUDIO PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: And Scruffy, the janitor!

*SCRUFFY'S AUDIO PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Just talk to any member of the department or send an email to the usual IT help contact. New videos are available every month. Cash or money orders only.

*DJ SCIP HUMMING SCRUFFY'S SONG*

*CLEARS THROAT*

DJ SCIP: It seems tempers reached a boiling point when a food fight got out of hand in the staff lounge yesterday after a research member, whose name has not been disclosed, kicked SCP-294 for dispensing coffee that he claimed was “too cold.”

DJ SCIP: When the researcher ordered another cup with a request for “hotter coffee,” 294 proceeded to rapidly dispense hot coffee, in what many witnesses described as an “agitated” manner, splattering the surrounding area.

DJ SCIP: While the offending researcher was able to avoid the coffee spray, a nearby personnel was caught in the crossfire and mistook the action as some sort of a prank. Apparently, in response to the imagined insult, they proceeded to throw their own drink into the face of the first researcher. From there, the two began to order liquids from the vending machine and throw them at one another. Drinks, and we’re using that word lightly, mind you, recorded during this exchange included but were not limited to:

DJ SCIP: “Cola Soda,” “Soy Milk,” “Everclear,” “Skunk musk,” “Gasoline,” “Dog Feces,” and “A yet, unidentified grey fluid that when exposed to skin causes yellow boils to appear,” Though I’m sure much more colorful language was used at the time.

DJ SCIP: All personnel involved were taken to medical and reprimanded accordingly. From now on, three guards of security clearance level 3 will be assigned to monitor the vending machine at all times.

DJ SCIP: We’d like to take a moment and remind all our listeners that when facing…

*STATIC, AN IMAGE IS DISPLAYED*

DJ SCIP: …or else risk melting the face of every person in the vicinity. Thankfully, we all know better now.

DJ SCIP: If you have access to outside media, you may have heard some of the cover stories for the unforeseen consequences of the Foundation Space Program. We wanted to take this time to clear up some of these “facts” that have been planted by the Department of Disinformation;

DJ SCIP: For starters, while we do advise you to avoid exposure to the sun, it will not give you “sudden cancer” or “extreme cases of blindness.” All the doctors in those commercials are paid by the Foundation.

DJ SCIP: Also, though anxiety and depression are on the rise, the cause is from direct exposure to the sun or the sequential lack of natural light from avoiding the sun, not from any financial recession, nuclear weapon tension, or the systematic deconstruction of our social communities. These are fabrications by the Office of Misdirection. Good job guys, almost had me going on those ones!

DJ SCIP: And lastly, it should be known that no asteroid has collided with Mercury, and the planet has not fractured. The random eclipses that we’ve been experiencing have been from anomalous activity involving the sun, not chunks of planetary debris. For the time being, all faculty engaging with the general public should maintain that Mercury is to be removed from modern star charts.

DJ SCIP: Between all the craziness with the sun, we still have news from our infrequent sports corner! The softball league games have continued as scheduled, and in an upsetting turn of events, this last weekend, Site-[REDACTED]’s Unkillable Lizards lost to Site-19’s Staring Statues, with a score of 11 - 15.

DJ SCIP: Site-[REDACTED]’s fans were livid or would have been if it weren’t for the evacuation of the stadium due to another intense wave of sun flares lovingly sent to us by SCP-682. I think that Site-[REDACTED] will likely be considering a new name and mascot as there really is not much love left for that damn lizard since its return trip from the sun as some celestial solar serpent. It seems the sun only made it madder, and it’s definitely bringing the heat…unlike the softball team…

DJ SCIP: This week, Site-19’s Staring Statues will face off against Site-103’s Critical Tomatoes, who, I may remind you, have been leading in the brackets. Can the Staring Statues ketchup with the Critical Tomatoes? We’ll see…

DJ SCIP: All personnel are reminded that when filing reports, please be specific and carefully clarify your intentions when using the word “terminate” in reference to disciplinary action. Please define whether you mean “to end the employment of” or “to end the life of” said person.

DJ SCIP: The HR Department would like to point out that death as a means of punishment is inhumane and unreasonable.

DJ SCIP: The HR Department would also like to go on record that on occasion, death really is the only viable solution, but that is for them to decide, not you.

DJ SCIP: A new plan to solve at least one of our sun-related disasters has been proposed by a collaboration between Team Batman Signal and Team Korea's Got Seoul. Though the risk of cross scip contamination is always present, it’s not like we have much to lose at this point.

DJ SCIP: In order to lessen the anomalous effects from exposure to the sun, the teams have devised a method of worldwide overcast, focusing SCP-938 through SCP-1149. While limited on their own, the plan suggests that when combined, the two may-

DJ SCIP: …

DJ SCIP: And then the sun went out.

*"SECURE. CONTAIN. PROTECT." PLAYS*
15:12

After the utter failure of the Foundation Space Program, will the Foundation's brightest be able to pull reality back from the brink and put everything back as it was?

00:00
DJ SCIP: Welcome to Foundation After Midnight, the free, though thoroughly encrypted, Foundation radio show broadcasting to all the still secure facilities around the globe! We’re bending time and space, and clearance levels to bring you all the newest updates from around the Foundation.

DJ SCIP: Has it been dark where you’re at for over 48 hours? Have no fear. It’s for sure midnight here in our emergency bunker! Even if it is several miles underground…below sea level…

DJ SCIP: I’m your host, DJ Scip. You’re listening to 93.[REDACTED] FAM radio, and I’m…I’m not really sure it’s worth playing the memetic sound agent as there aren’t that many of us left, and well, proper clearance level be damned.

DJ SCIP: Well, ah, anyway, just to fill the space, in memory of the late Professor Bjornsen, here is his 630 production.

*BJORNSEN'S AUDIO PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Such a catchy song. Hope it doesn’t get stuck in your head all day! Though if it did, it might be more pleasant than that dreaded ticking noise that many have been reporting in about.

DJ SCIP: At the Top of the List of Important News Today, Head Foundation Space Program Researchers have announced that all personnel should move to the lower levels of their assigned sites and enter the provided XK-level superstructures.

DJ SCIP: Upon evacuating your site, please be sure to turn off all lights, empty outbreak room fridges, lock down all cells, and terminate all unassigned D-Class personnel.

DJ SCIP: There are registered Z5 flares, en masse, as the last goodbye from our yellow sun, heading towards the planet at record speeds. A countdown clock has started at…11:00 minutes. You all have 11 minutes before waves of picometre X-rays splash over the earth, more than ten times that of the great solar storm of 1859!

DJ SCIP: We will continue as normal from here for as long as possible, so please stay tuned as you evacuate to your shelters, folks.

DJ SCIP: And now we will take a moment and remember all of those brave men and women who have passed away in the line of duty this week. They gave the ultimate sacrifice for the Foundation and for humanity, and for that, we thank them.

LYRAHEL: The following are the names of Foundation personnel we lost to recent events. These brave men and women gave their lives, sometimes repeatedly, for the preservation of humankind and the world as we know it. They are remembered here, as best we can, in no particular order:

LYRAHEL: Director Alicia Winters, Dr. Athena Grey, Sub-director Idoia Azaki, Researcher Lucy Chang
Dr. Todd King, Samuel Brow, Asst. Director Harold Schwartz, Dr. West Roth, Agent Elliot McNamara, Phil Kowalski.

*RECORDING SPED UP*

LYRAHEL: Dr. Joaquin Abasolo, Edward Hitchington, Dr. Ferdinand Xanders, Researcher Sarah Lopez.

*RECORDING SPED UP*

LYRAHEL: Agent Naomi Rhodes, Comm. Officer Annette B. Williams, Agent Jaryn Mode, Dr. Pleasance Lutwidge.

*RECORDING SPED UP*

LYRAHEL: Security Chief Dwight Strahan, Prof. Anders Bjornsen, Dr. Wesley Johnston, Nurse Tyler Faber.

*RECORDING SPED UP*

LYRAHEL: Jr. Researchers Chris Pinkus, Ryan Pinkus, and Scott Pinkus, Dr. Adam F. Rutherford
Dr. Adam R. Rutherford, Francis Hodge.

*RECORDING SPED UP*

LYRAHEL: Prof. Astrid, Jane McCallister, Dr. James Cantwell, Intern Patel Falls, Dr. Rosalene
Asst. Researcher Dr. Lyons, Containment Specialist Thomson, Dr. Trex, Intern Lucinda Witterstrand, Security Personnel Gordan Nunez, Site Director Roger Hopkins, Agent Michael Chard-

*NAMES BECOME INCOMPREHENSIBLE*

DJ SCIP: Unfortunately, due to time constraints, we had to speed things up a bit during that as we read off the names. Uh, our utmost apologies about that.

DJ SCIP: A recent change in policy has surviving staff grumbling. Administration has declared they will no longer be accepting containment procedures written in over 60% blood.

DJ SCIP: “We are doing this for the health and safety of the Administration Department and its personnel.” a representative stated.

DJ SCIP: No word on if field notes covered in blood, but still legible, will still be allowed or not.
Now, we would like to remind personnel you should check for rations in your bunker before resorting to cannibalism. Most sites are equipped to last a full year or more of total isolation from the outside world.

DJ SCIP: However, if you do end up resorting to cannibalism, please refer to your ‘Cannibalism And You’ kit. Also, be sure to use the provided microwaves before starting fires using discarded remnants of civilized society. The open flames will set off the smoke detectors and bunker fire alarms, and I don’t think I need to remind anyone how loud those can be.

DJ SCIP: Please respect those in your neighboring bunkers and keep your shouting and chanting to a reasonable noise level.

DJ SCIP: A bit of information my Foundation provided psychologist allowed me to share, SCP-990 appeared to me in a dream last night. Our talk was short, but the mysterious man and I discussed the current events going on in the real world. To most of my questions, he simply responded with exasperated sighs and “I told them!” or “I tried to warn you all, but NOOOO!” or, on occasion, “Called it!”

DJ SCIP: He then told me goodbye and good luck and that this would be his last time he’d be visiting us at the Foundation. When I asked him what he meant by that, he said it didn’t really matter. When I asked him what that meant, he laughed and said something about always asking questions but always being afraid of the answers. Or something. The details are fuzzy.

DJ SCIP: I then tried to ask him to at least tell us who he really was in the real world, but I couldn’t hear him over a growing roar that turned out to be my alarm going off next to my bed. I immediately jumped out of bed and tried to write down as much of the dream as I could so I could share it all with the remaining personnel listening to FAM Radio.

DJ SCIP: It’s not much, but I guess it’s as good a goodbye as we’re likely to get from him. I guess if he’s out there, in the real world, in one form or another, thank you for watching out for us. Sorry if we never really listened or figured things out in time.

DJ SCIP: And now it's time for music by Foundation Personnel! We try to feature our favorite melodies composed by our very own within the Foundation! This week, it's, well, had a bit of a shortage of personnel free to make music, so this week’s featured music comes from a D-Class personnel named Lyrahel.

DJ SCIP: You’re listening to FAM Radio on 93.[REDACTED] and this is, “The End Is Nigh”

*SONG PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Oh, it’s over, ahem…Remember, if you would like your song featured on our show, email us at moc.liamg|oidaRMAF.39PCS#moc.liamg|oidaRMAF.39PCS. And now, back to the news.

DJ SCIP: Next, we would…

*ALARM BOT STARTS TO SOUND IN THE BOOTH*

ALARM BOT: WARNING! WARNING!

DJ SCIP: Next- Next we- NEXT WE WOULD- One second…

ALARM BOT: WARNING! WARNING!

*SMASHING CAN BE HEARD. ALARM BOT DIES AND STOPS*

ALARM BOT: Waaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrnnnnnnniiiiiiiinnnnngggggg….

DJ SCIP: There we go. As I was saying.. uh, what was I saying again?

DJ SCIP: Ah, well, here we go, here’s something! We’ve had a number of Researchers call in asking about updates on scips that were launched into the sun back when the Foundation Space Program sounded like a good idea…

DJ SCIP: Normally, that information would be classified, or at least, uh, not publically released within the Foundation, but since things are kind of pretty much shot to- well since it looks like everything is going out the window, let’s see what some of our old friends are up to!

DJ SCIP: The most popular scips were 173 and 096, both of which we are happy to inform you successfully went into the sun without a hitch. Or, well, relatively speaking, without a hitch.

DJ SCIP: 096 is either dead or forever hidden behind the intense light of the sun, according to our top theorists.

DJ SCIP: 173, when hurled at the sun, whose surface heat I may remind you, keeps metal in a gaseous form, dissolved. It seems the killer rock, unlike the softball team with its namesake, could not withstand the heat.

DJ SCIP: Speaking of Hotline call-ins, I see we have a message! Glad to see at least some site out there is still active and receiving us!

DJ SCIP: Usually, one of my assistants takes those, but since the site-wide evacuation and lockdown, it’s just me and the answering machine today. Let see who called us…

*RADIO HOTLINE CALL ABOUT RADIO BLEEDING PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Oh, uh, well, we don’t usually take maintenance calls, but we’ll see about sending someone down for that.

DJ SCIP: Remember, you can always call in to our radio Hotline at (512) 937-2346. That’s uh, (512) 937-2346, where you can leave us a message, and we’ll see if we can get back to you. Maybe.
Hmm, now what? Umm, well, let’s see here…

*SORTS THROUGH PAPERS*

DJ SCIP: Ah ha! Here’s some Foundation poetry! From actual personnel! Let’s give this a read!

DJ SCIP: Ahem, “XK” by Very Real Researcher Ruiz “You Need To Secure Your Database You Idiots” Duchamp.

DJ SCIP: We took the damned thing. And wiped the blood and shit and piss and tears from its face. Nothing was beneath.

DJ SCIP: Light shone through the cracks. Reality itself bent to the wills of madmen. Only words remain.

DJ SCIP: Sliced through severed stones. Redundancies enough to keep back a hidden king. Trees in the forest.

DJ SCIP: Deep uncertainty. Undirected hatred, fear, and loathing shapes it all. And remains unshaped.

DJ SCIP: Fresh porphyria. Dry and wet and old and new and everything between. Solemnly inept.

DJ SCIP: A few swift stabbings. Ten thousand steel doors broken down to scraps of concepts. Moderately gnawed.

DJ SCIP: Knowledge lies in parts. Puzzles upon ciphers upon riddles open doors. Revolving in place.

DJ SCIP: Eternity now. All clocks and time-compressed to an instant variance. Cannot change again.

DJ SCIP: WARNING PERSONNEL. PENDING XK CLASS END OF THE WORLD SCENARIO. THANK YOU AND FAREWELL.

DJ SCIP: Oh my, umm, that was not nearly as cheerful as I was expecting. But uhh, good on them for, uh, expressing themselves with such, words.

DJ SCIP: Unfortunately, it seems the Foundation Space Program has failed completely. Most, if not all of the scips we launched into the sun have continued their anomalous effects or have mutated into even greater threats.

DJ SCIP: The official word has just come down, the Temporal Anomaly Research Defense and Integration Station has been activated. A chain reaction has begun, set in motion by the O5 council members, that will launch us through time and space back to a point before the Foundation Space Program was put into effect.

DJ SCIP: All personnel are to stand by as we complete the reality wide jump. You may experience some discomfort or nausea from the dimension shift, so be advised. We also suggest turning off all cellular devices and electronics as they may interfere with the jump. It is suggested that you try to write down as much as possible during this time, using whatever material you have on whatever surfaces you can. We do not know how much will survive the reset, but what have we got to lose?

*SOUND EFFECTS, STATIC, DISTORTION, ETC PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: The walls are beginning to fade now. They are still there, but everything can be seen through if that makes sense. Not that much of this does, but now more things are slowly becoming transparent.

DJ SCIP: My coffee cup just disappeared out of my hand. I can see through my control sets before me. It’s like they are still there but no longer visible. Things are becoming softer? I’m not sure how to explain it all.

DJ SCIP: Hmmm, well, the skin on my hand has now faded, though I can still feel with it, though faintly. I can see my muscles and bones underneath. My chair just faded out completely, and though I was still sitting in it, I couldn’t help but get up out of it.

DJ SCIP: There’s just not much left around me anymore, but I can still somewhat feel things. There was a darkness, but even that is now fading to white. Hope you all are ok and that we make it through this together.

*FINAL LINE FADES OUT, SOUND EFFECTS BUILD UP, STATIC, THEN SILENCE*
22:39

The following are the names of Foundation personnel we lost to recent events. These brave men and women gave their lives, sometimes repeatedly, for the preservation of humankind and the world as we know it. They are remembered here, as best we can, in no particular order:

Director Alicia Winters
Dr. Athena Grey
Sub-director Idoia Azaki
Researcher Lucy Chang
Dr. Todd King
Samuel Brow
Asst. Director Harold Schwartz
Dr. West Roth
Agent Elliot McNamara
Phil Kowalski
Dr. Joaquin Abasolo
Edward Hitchington
Dr. Ferdinand Xanders
Researcher Sarah Lopez
Agent Naomi Rhodes
Comm. Officer Annette B. Williams
Agent Jaryn Mode
Dr. Pleasance Lutwidge
Security Chief Dwight Strahan
Prof. Anders Bjornsen
Dr. Wesley Johnston
Nurse Tyler Faber
Jr. Researchers Chris Pinkus
Ryan Pinkus
and Scott Pinkus
Dr. Adam F. Rutherford
Dr. Adam R. Rutherford
Francis Hodge
Prof. Astrid
Jane McCallister
Dr. James Cantwell
Intern Patel Falls
Dr. Rosalene
Asst. Researcher Dr. Lyons
Containment Specialist Thomson
Dr. Trex
Intern Lucinda Witterstrand
Security Personnel Gordan Nunez
Site Director Roger Hopkins
Agent Michael Chard
Dr. Raistlin Mill
Security Personnel Hannah Raleigh
Containment Appraisal Specialist Dr. Jeffrey Kritschau
Researcher Horatius Demetrious
Dr. David Reagle
Agent Edward Helling
Dr. Susan Sievert
Senior Chief Researcher Dr. Adams
Dr. Atomn
Joe Olsen
Agent Reine Titone
Research Assistant Miles Jacobs
Sgt. Idomu Kitajima
Intern Joel Skyles
2nd Deputy Asst. Director Yu Shen
Researcher Abraxas Smith
Agent Matthew Sung
Pvt. Angus Jonsson
Dr. Randall Flanders
Researcher Claire Beasly
Asst. Jr. Researcher Lilliana Walsh
Intern Alise Sharpe
Dr. Natasha Kozel
Researcher Melissa Novak
Olivia Anderson
Agent Marcus Bauer
HR Director Rahad Thompson
Researcher Edward Varens
Chloe Cooper
Dr. Ender Koeman
Site Director Daniel Loman
Pvt. Galo Patino Torres
Security Personnel Lothar Griswold
Agent Pierpont Verreau
Dr. David Yeats
Intern Beckett Davenport
Will Miller
Security Personnel Jamie Currie
Dr. Jerry "Lucky" Schmidt
Accountant Dominic Kaczmarek
Researcher Carmen O'Connor
Dr. Reynold Acker
Asst. Researcher Flynn Lagrange
Dr. Riley Chatway
Elise Taylor
Agent Ricardo Glass
Site Director Roger Langley
Researcher Alan Blackwood
Dr. Marie-Anne Bussier
Henry Livingston
Janitor Robert "Scruffy" Scruffington
Dr. Jemma Gibson
Security Personnel Toby Behrends
Deputy Asst. Director Leslie Rodriguez
Agent Chad Derek
Intern Fishtrom
Researcher Jonathan Harbor
Dr. Isaac Ward
Jr. Researcher W. P. Gaffney
Security Personnel Holly Dixon
Researcher Leonard Lagrange
Agent Sophia Lagrange
Dr. Doran
Researcher Bob Steinhart
Lily Aldrin
Dr. Nymous
Agent Joe Black
Intern Kevin Goss
Researcher Yoshihiro Takenaka
Jr. Deputy Asst. Director Gerald Hopkins
Dr. Applegarth
Agent Alexander Fredricks
Dr. Adelaide Fredricks
Researcher Walter Chase
Agent Grant Towns
Security Personnel Erika O’Brien
Janitor Maria Schönenberger
Nathan Moore
Dr. Malik Ahmedov
Professor Adam J. Rutherford
Agent David Freeman
Researcher Boris
Intern Sandy Yoon
Researcher A. Z. Kamelov
Dr. Jason Lloyd
Agent Ian Flint
Security Personnel Luther McSorley
Researcher Charles Laviano
Dr. Miles Wright
Research Asst Steele
Zach Martinez
Agent Julian Escher
Dr. James "Jimmy" Lintula
Intern Roxelana Floros
Agent Steven Falkenham
Dr. Esti Del Olmo
Security Personnel Melvin Rodak
Research Asst. Earl Morrison
Agent Jason Myers
Dr. Vincent Fuerst
Joseph Martin
Researcher Penny Nunziato
Dr. Woltz
Agent Xerxes
Intern Robin Artz
Security Personnel Zachary Mills
Dr. Alex Tooms
Andrea Robinson
Agent Marlow Whitney
Researcher Shelly Faber
Dr. Ellen Lomax
Security Personnel Davis Stone
Agent Andrew Fredricks
Dr. Hugo Evans
Researcher Darryl Jacobs
Agent Ignatius T. Nguyen
John Smith
Dr. Vicki Giles
Researcher Agatha Chiovenda
Intern Victoria White
Dr. Daniel Erikson
Agent Chester Preston
Alexis Garcia
Security Personnel Abel Deatherage
Researcher Jonathan Scott
Dr. Beth Powers
Intern Glen York
Agent Jeremy Rogers
Jacob Hallister
Dr. Shin Kurosawa
Security Personnel James Packard
Agent Travis Irons
Dr. Roger "Rocky" Willis
Researcher Craig Blair
Intern Yu
Dr. Magnolia Blum
Agent Andrea Martin
Security Personnel Luke Chambers
Researcher Chan
Dr. Vasil Baris
Agent Walter Blakeny
Researcher Larry Moores
Lucas Thomas
Dr. Alexander Fassbinder
Intern Cain Isley
Agent Mortimer Foster
Researcher Leto Raptis
Dr. Percy Lewis
Robert Jackson
Agent Mako Green
Researcher King
Dr. Patrick O’Malley
Intern Vanna Zabek
Jayden Allen
Dr. Madoka Yoshida
Agent Roger Brent
Researcher Andy Smith
Intern Rybitski
Dr. Samid Kattura
Emma Baker
Agent Juris Pavlov
Dr. Adam Hewlett
Researcher Roger Styles
Dr. Gabriela Ribeiro
Dr. Peter Emerson
London Parker
Dr. Clara Wikstrom
Agent Chase Davidowski
Intern Simeon Solo
Researcher Hearth
Dr. Matthew Hunt
Agent Otis Nagi
Emily Hall
Dr. Vanessa Lee
Researcher Carmen Mason
Dr. Placido Romano
Security Personnel Megan Wah
Sally White
Dr. Hannibal Lopez
Researcher Scott Garber
Agent Dimitri Siegel
Dr. Joesph Schwartz
Intern Claribel Bright
Agent Michael Gates
Dr. Xander
Agent Blair Williams
Dr. H. Harris
Intern Ramon Hansen
Researcher Robert Fay
Alice Jones
Dr. Walter Floyd
and Agent Helen Marcus

Jake "Big Jeffery" Irons
Professor Aesop
Teddy "the doc" Moreno
Dustin Gladwell Jr.
Agent Greer
Brewskey McDewsker
Sneakers O'Toole
Dr. Crayton
Agent Dodson
Frank Reed
Dusty Dusters McDustin
P.J. Dickens
Robbie "Big Texas" Kumer
D.J. Jickens
Morale Officer Ellen DeGeneres
Agent Moran
Researcher Janis
J.D. Pickens
Dr. Weymar
Intern Monique
Mike Hunt
Dallas "Tex" Houston
Phillip Johnson
Agent Holcombe
Samson Burling
Jarl Ballin'
Greg H. Keller
Dr. Redacted
Task Force Lead “Dawg Byte”
Head Chef Mario Batalli
Dr. Hellen Byrd
Researcher Thomson
Mr. Shwartz
The Researcher formerly known as Dr. Mayovitch
Mrs. Joneson
Adrianne Miastov
“Coffee Guy”
Dr. Smith
Jane Doe
Sous Chef Rachel Ray
Intern Joey
Terrance Birmingham, Esq.
Jackson Bilgesnipe
Officer Darkley
The Intern known as “Missie”
Researcher Ronald
Dr. Meredith Sue
Miss Grayfield
Bob Dole
Dr. Jeffrey Weinstein
Dr. Reed
Head Researcher Kyle Rogers

Surviving a reality-altering reset is no simple feat and not one the Foundation attempts to do lightly. Here’s to the continued survival of our society, our race, our planet, and our reality!

00:00
DJ SCIP: Those of you just joining us, I’m your host, DJ Scip, and you’re listening to SCP 93.[REDACTED FAM radio, and I promise, today is a memetic kill agent-free day. For tonight’s announcements, the time is 0-200 hours, and we have successfully reverted the timeline back by one year, two months, five days, 6 hours, and 4 minutes. Please adjust your clocks accordingly.

DJ SCIP: We have decided to abort the Foundation Space Program before it even began! Please report any overlaps or dimensional differences immediately to the Department of Extra-Universal Affairs.

DJ SCIP: As per usual aborted timeline protocol, personnel not essential for temporal repairs get the day off! Enjoy our continued survival as a species, and remember to hug your loved ones…or the Foundation provided equivalent!

DJ SCIP: We have survived to secure, contain, and protect another day.

DJ SCIP: I’m not sure if the “days since the last containment breach” counter should be reset to zero or not. Or if we should count the days without a containment breach that had taken place before we jumped back in our timeline. Or if that should include the 24 hour period when most of us were in a coma while reality shifted.

DJ SCIP: On that note, as we continue forward through the days, weeks, months, and years we’ve already lived through, be sure to be considerate of others this time around.

DJ SCIP: For example, if you got to attend one of the insightful and eventful seminars, such as the "Improvisational Acting and SCP Containment" or the “Introduction Seminar for Extra-Universal Operations,” before the reset, please allow new personnel the chance to attend.

DJ SCIP: Besides the fact that it allows new attendees to learn from the speakers, it’s actually not that cool to know the answers to all the questions before they are asked. Seriously, you’ll look like a total nerd, and no one will be impressed.

DJ SCIP: I know one little gel that is happy the Foundation has survived to another day! SCP-999, the gelatinous tickle monster! The little gel is happily scooting around Site-17, cooing and tickle wrestling everyone in sight!

DJ SCIP: Morale is up considerably there, and it is rumored the little orange gel will be loaned out to a few other sites to assist in adjustment to the timeline reset.

DJ SCIP: Coming to your ears next is a song inspired by everyone’s favorite hugging slime, titled simply “SCP-999” by personnel Jack T. Herbert! Here it goes!

*SONG PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Remember, you can find the song linked on our Foundation After Midnight Radio pages. If you would like to hear your SCP-inspired music on our broadcast, you can email us at moc.liamg|oidaRMAF.39PCS#moc.liamg|oidaRMAF.39PCS.

DJ SCIP: For those of you having trouble adjusting and having questions of “what is and is not real,” “Am I still ‘ME,’” or “What if my taste buds have changed and I can’t tell” just try and think about a thought I had one day that helps me sleep at night when things get rough.

DJ SCIP: “For every reality where there is a better-looking version of you, there are infinite realities with uglier versions of you.” So don’t get too caught up in your own looks. You are probably a pretty solid median compared to the rest.

DJ SCIP: And heck, there are even more realities of you that wish they were us in our reality. So please, keep that in mind.

DJ SCIP: If you would all join me now in a moment of silence for all the realities where we didn’t survive that last catastrophic event.

DJ SCIP: …

DJ SCIP: Thank you.

DJ SCIP: And now Miss Mercurial would like me to mention we have a donation drive started for realities less fortunate than our own.

DJ SCIP: Currently, funds are being raised and will be converted into whatever currency the other realities exchange with and used to improve their worldly economy. The money may go towards supporting the free human rebels against a tyrant worm people, or to send needed medicine to a post-apocalyptic America, or to feed the hungry in a world where everything does, in fact, taste like chicken.

DJ SCIP: This Wednesday is going to once again be the 5th Annual Site 118 Game Night! Grab a friend, meet someone new, and sit down to play a game or two!

DJ SCIP: Light refreshments will be provided in the Site 118 cafeteria, though bring your own drink or snack to share for entry into the game night raffle!

DJ SCIP: Non-alcoholic drinks only. Snacks must be of a shareable size. A pack of gum, although shareable, does not count.

DJ SCIP: With a new timeline in the works and a smaller workforce, we’re gonna take things easy today and play you guys another song.

DJ SCIP: Here is “SCP-513 Cowbell Song” by Personnel Glenn Leroi:

*SONG PLAYS*

*DINGS A COWBELL*

DJ SCIP: Just kidding! Though even if by some horrific mix-up it was the SCP-513 cowbell, experiments have shown that hearing a recording or transmission of the cowbell’s ring does not have the same effect. Or at least, I think.

DJ SCIP: If anyone else starts seeing a thin humanoid with abnormally large hands, we may have a situation…
In other news, in our infrequent sports corner, the softball team formerly known as “The Unkillable Lizards” is trying to come up with a new team name and mascot, and they’re taking suggestions!

DJ SCIP: After last season’s, errrr, the upcoming future season? Ummm, well, after everything that happened and then unhappened, they are looking to adopt a new name and mascot, preferably one that isn’t as hated.

DJ SCIP: The team asks that personnel feel free to submit your ideas for Site-Redacted’s new team name through our toll-free Radio Hotline, (512) 937-2346, and we’ll air the best suggestions in an upcoming broadcast.

DJ SCIP: The Temporal Anomaly Research Development and Integration Station will be open throughout the week for all those in need of temporal counseling and time adjustment resources.

DJ SCIP: Please also remember to report all-time and space-based anomalies and paradoxes to the center as soon as you are able. Even if they haven’t happened yet.

DJ SCIP: Well, I… I uh…

DJ SCIP: I guess that’s it for today. I haven’t been able to really leave the station since…well, since next year. I don’t wanna jinx us here, but there’s no containment breach, no solar serpent descending upon us.. or global quarantine.

DJ SCIP: I believe I count as non-essential personnel, as far as timeline repairs go, so I guess that means I get the day off!

DJ SCIP: Well then! It’s settled! I’m going to go hug my Foundation-provided family substitute, and then I think I have a slime to challenge to a tickle fight.

DJ SCIP: So please, if you’ll excuse me, dear listeners, thank you for making the Foundation what it is. Keep on securing, containing, and protecting. This is DJ Scip, signing out.
14:30

We’re here to tell you about the Inter-Agency Charity Ice Hockey game, a retirement party, and a couple of new voices to the show.

00:00
DJ SCIP: We’d like to thank all of our listeners, all of you damn fine Foundation employees listening in from around the world. We know life within a clandestine organization can be strict, intrusive, and downright dangerous, but remember, your work in the shadows saves the lives of those who live in the light.

DJ SCIP: I’m your host, DJ Scip. You’re listening to 93.[REDACTED] FAM radio, and today we play our regular, non-memetic kill agent theme music!

*JINGLE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: We now apologize for the memetic kill agent we hid in the previous jingle. Those Groups of Interest are getting trickier out there, and we need to take precautions. Now onto announcements for this evening! We’ve got a big list of them and…well, what else do you have to do?

DJ SCIP: After the recent raids on several Sites and Sectors within the Foundation, an undisclosed number of SCPs have had to be temporarily relocated while their normal housing is re-secured. For the time being, keep an eye out for any new additions to your site, as you may have some new neighbors in containment cells! You may want to go say hi like they did in the good old days. With a fresh pecan pie and a loaded shotgun or tranquilizer rifle!

DJ SCIP: You will also likely notice additional security brought in while the renovations are being completed. They are there for your protection, so don’t make eye contact for too long!

DJ SCIP: An announcement for all Foundation staff, regardless of security level, if you come across any D-Class personnel wandering around your site facility, call security and maintain a safe distance. You may even want to lock yourself in your lab or office until they have left the area. You never know what they might have been exposed to, and you don’t know what you’ll be exposed to by engaging them! Be safe and secure yourself first!

DJ SCIP: It’s still not too late to sign up your team for the Global Test-A-Thon! Collaborate with your fellow researchers and compete to complete the most experiments on an anomalous item in 48 hours.

DJ SCIP: Expand our knowledge of anomalous objects and compete for fabulous prizes! Contestants are judged on two categories: new discoveries and most creative experiment!

DJ SCIP: See if you can beat last year's record of 201 experiments!

DJ SCIP: With that, it looks like we need to get those D-Class personnel numbers up, up, UP!! So this week, we will be having the third annual "Bring In A Drifter!" drive to replenish our human test subject supply! Remember, this week, D is for Drifter!

DJ SCIP: Please note: Unwanted in-laws will not be accepted this time, so do not bring them in, even as a joke.

DJ SCIP: In other new, completely unrelated events, the second annual “682 Rodeo Championship” has been canceled. In its place, a brainstorm forum will take place wherein personnel are welcome to submit any and all new ideas for how to destroy SCP-682 - The Unkillable Lizard.

DJ SCIP: At this time, the brainstorm forum board would like it noted that Dr. Kondraki’s suggestions are not welcome and will not be accepted.

DJ SCIP: And please note that your ideas should be more developed than “Kill it with fire!”, “Shoot it a lot.” or “Throw it into the sun!” We already tried those, and we should all remember how well those worked.

DJ SCIP: The forum will begin after a short memorial service for the hundreds who died during the 1st “682 Rodeo Championship” held last year.

DJ SCIP: Now for a related Personnel Note of the Day: After 55 years of research, Dr. Bruce Richardson the III is retiring from the foundation, and I think you all know what that means! Dr. Richardson will be receiving his own custom, “G.Y.A.P.O.K. FM’s Greatest Hits!"

DJ SCIP: The GYAPOK counter agent initiative was founded by Dr. Fantem and is the alternative Foundation-funded radio station, not hosted by yours truly. The hidden memetic agents there increase the productivity, lifespan, and general morale with a hint of compulsions to follow rules and procedures. Unfortunately, after not listening to the station for a few days, you may develop irritation, chronic headaches, insomnia, and worse of all, a lack of drive and lowered productivity.

DJ SCIP: To combat that, this custom mixtape has been designed specifically for Dr. Richardson's brain waves to slowly wean him off those soothing memetics without the pain. As for the pain of missing his Foundation family? We don't have a mixtape for that.

DJ SCIP: We hope as many of you as we can spare can make it down to see him off. The retirement party will be held in the staff lounge of sector 23, which is just past the temporary holding pen for SCP-682 since the cancellation of the Rodeo Championship.

DJ SCIP: Everyone in the sector is invited to stop by and grab a slice of non-Scip birthday cake.
An additional note to all personnel attending, you are advised to wear full tactical gear. Attending Mobile Task Force members are asked to arrive a half-hour early to help set up a perimeter. All security teams are to be on standby.

DJ SCIP: We go now to our infrequent sports corner!

DJ SCIP: Right now the the “SCP Foundation / Global Occult Coalition, Inter-Agency Charity Ice Hockey Game” is underway over at the Sloth's Pit Ice Rink. All proceeds from tonight's game go to benefit the Foundation Widows and Orphans Relief, as well as the United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund. Now in the third period, the score is currently tied at 0-0. It’s anyone’s game, and the stadium is tense with sports-related tension!

DJ SCIP: Things have been off to a rocky start as 5 minutes into the first period. Foundation forward Dr. Jackman collided with GOC defenseman Agent 'Marimba' at center ice, resulting in a high-sticking call for Dr. Jackman and an interference call for Agent Marimba. Coalition team coach 'Dulcimer' objected to the two-minute penalty, claiming that, 'Putting these guys in a box won't do anything in the long run. A permanent solution is required,' and offering to eliminate both 'threats to the game' using his sidearm. Foundation coach Dr. Bright took exception to this argument, claiming that murder is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. He cited that the penalty boxes were insufficiently secure to contain the two players, noting that they lacked electrified fences and any sort of memetic-kill agent in case of outside intrusion. Both coaches were ejected from the game for unsportsmanlike conduct and roughing an official.

DJ SCIP: Whoo, this is going to be a match to keep an eye on! More on the game as it develops.

DJ SCIP: For those of you who missed it, Dr. Clef’s seminar, “Reality Benders and You: How to Survive when Existence Doesn’t,” will take place at 2 pm tomorrow in seminar room B. Those attending are reminded that all seminar rooms are weapon-free zones and to check your weapons at the door.

DJ SCIP: This will be your best chance to get certified on dealing with reality benders and enjoy a gripping lecture by one of the Foundation’s most… uniquest! Free muffins and coffee provided, so come hungry!

DJ SCIP: Wait, no, this says that coming hungry is actually a requirement for attending the seminar?…so do that…I guess.

DJ SCIP: Speaking of Alto Clef, to whoever keeps signing things with a “#” followed by the “$,” you need to stop. You are not Dr. Alto Clef, and no one recognizes your signature.

DJ SCIP: We’ve got some big news for you guys tonight. So big we’re not even sure if we’re allowed to talk about it but here goes!

DJ SCIP: The higher-ups heard about our broadcast during the universe-wide reset and said it was, and I quote, “essential to maintaining morale high enough to keep personnel from resorting to their primal animal natures.” They have recognized us here at Foundation After Midnight Radio as more than just a third shift radio station burning the sweet midnight oil and have decided to give us more funding. With it, I’ve gone ahead and upgraded some new equipment, added more security measures, and secured what I’m second most excited about, my new APR, Andrew Alexeev!

ANDREW: That’s not my official title

DJ SCIP: That’s Assistant -slash- Possible-Replacement Andrew Alexeev for you folks unfamiliar with broadcast terms. He’s here to learn how to handle the broadcast in case anything happens to yours truly. As we know and are reminded of every day here, life is fleeting, and we could all disappear from existence before we were even born!

ANDREW: Technically, sir-

DJ SCIP: Call me Scip. No need to be formal.

ANDREW: Technically, Scip, I’m here in to help transcribe the broadcast and to fill in for you in case you finally decide to take any of your amassed sick days.

DJ SCIP: I’m glad you’re taking this job so seriously, Andrew! Always remember, if anything happens to me, you’re next in line for the throne.

ANDREW: You mean the rolly chair?

DJ SCIP: Haha, it’s more than just a rolly chair. You’ll learn. You’ll learn. So, Andrew, you’re new to the Foundation After Midnight Family, but how long have you been with the SCP Foundation?

ANDREW: I’ve been with the Foundation for [REDACTED] years…was that, was that just redacted?”

DJ SCIP: You get used to it. To let the fine folks of the Foundation get used to hearing your voice, how bout you take the next segment? The mic is yours!

*ROLLY CHAIR OUT*

ANDREW: So…hey everyone…um, so next up, we have a new section to improve interpersonal relationships. We give you “Foundation Missed Connections.”

ANDREW: To the one with the gun named 'Martha' - Dinner on me? - Male For Female

ANDREW: To the red-haired female agent I saw in the mess hall on Saturday at 12:30ish, thank you for buying me lunch. I lost my wallet, and you were kind enough to buy me something to eat- I was STARVING! Sadly, you left before I could even get your name. You told me a little bit about how you used your gun. I think you referred to it as 'Martha'? I'd like to know more about you! I'm stuck in the labs mostly, so maybe you can tell me some stories about the outside over dinner? It's on me! Please meet me outside site 19's mess hall at 5 pm on the 21st (Sunday!)

ANDREW: You Saved My Life, And I Don't Even Know Your Name - Female For Female

ANDREW: During the last containment breach, I was the researcher who got trapped under the falling debris. You were the black-haired security guard who unloaded your gun at SCP-13-

ANDREW: Am I allowed to say these live?

ANDREW: Okay. SCP-1305, you may know it as the Cat Lure and drew it away from me. Without you, I know I would have been turned into one of those things. I would enjoy the chance to at least buy you a drink or dinner sometime at the site cafeteria, so please reply with what SCP-1305 said just before you shot at it.

ANDREW: I Hope You Remember Me! - Male For Female

ANDREW: I'm a researcher at site [Redacted]. You were the one working with me on Project [Redacted]. I'm the one who was able to [Redacted] when the [Redacted] went [Redacted]. I hope this message will help you remember me because I really think we had a thing. The number to contact me is [Redacted]

ANDREW: Meet me for Pizza? - Female For Male

ANDREW: To the person who used SCP-458, “The Never-Ending Pizza Box,” on Tuesday the 13th prior to 1:30 PM. I thought I was the only one who enjoyed pineapple and anchovy pizza on a wheat crust with white sauce, but after discovering the remains of your lunch set in the waste disposal unit, I have discovered that I am not alone in my strange preferences for pizza. I would love to meet up for lunch. Please meet me in the Site 17 cafeteria tomorrow at 1:30 PM. We can share our unique tastes and maybe something more. I'll be wearing the yellow tie and the black-rimmed glasses.

ANDREW: Let's Hang Out Sometime” - Male For Male

ANDREW: Hey, most people know me as SCP-076-2, but some call me Able-

ANDREW: Again, are you sure we can say these on-air?… Are you positive? Okay.

ANDREW: -I'm here at the bottom of an elevator shaft at Containment Area 25B. I was trying to find the operative who beat me to death with a fire extinguisher in Japan last week. I was kinda thinking, I dunno, we should hang out sometime, you know, do battle, reminisce on foes defeated in combat, restart Pandora's Box, nothing special. If you're interested, reply with the method I used to kill your commander.

*ROLLY CHAIRS IN. SOUND OF PAPER. ROLLY CHAIR OUT*

ANDREW: Oh. We interrupt our current segment to bring you an update I've just been handed from the SCPFGOCIA-, uhhh, darn it, the SCP Foundation/GOC Inter-Agency Charity Ice Hockey Game!

ANDREW: Still tied at 0-0, the game has now gone into overtime.

ANDREW: We have received word that Global Occult Coalition goalie 'Baritone Sax' has received a game misconduct and ejection from the game for illegal equipment. It seems he was wearing a powered-armor "white suit" under his goalie pads. This was discovered after a miscalibrated servo caused Mr. Sax to propel the puck at supersonic speeds across the ice, smashing through the glass and injuring an innocent cashier while attempting to clear the puck.

ANDREW: More on this game as things develop! It’s really heating up out there!

*ROLLY CHAIR ROLLS BACK*

ANDREW: So…did I do it right?

DJ SCIP: You did just fine, Andrew. Just fine. I remember my first time on the air. You’ll get your wings. Now I’ll take it from here.

ANDREW: Ok, well, I’ll just be over here then, transcribing everything. You didn’t, by chance, transcribe what I just read, did you?

DJ SCIP: Nope.

ANDREW: *sigh* Of course. Well, I better catch up then.

DJ SCIP: An update on the Personnel Note of the Day:

DJ SCIP: It seems the shockwaves from today’s big hockey game are being felt even at the retirement party for Bruce Richardson the III. Due to rising hostilities between the Foundation and G.O.C. in the stadium, several high-risk SCPs are being transferred from their current containment wings to the facility bunkers, which happen to be located right next to the staff lounge, which happens to be where the retirement party is being held. I hope during this time, the good doctor is enjoying being surrounded by some of the best and brightest the Foundation has to offer while also being surrounded by some of the deadliest, most horrific abominations the Foundation has to contain. For as we all know, the best part about a Foundation party is a Foundation party don’t stop until a Containment breach goes off!

DJ SCIP: If you are helping with the transfers, you are invited to swing by the retirement party when you’re done! Remember, just go out of the cafeteria and take a right at the temporary holding cell being used to hold SCP-682, the Unkillable Lizard. Just head towards the party music trying to drown out the sound of claws on metal, and you’ll find it!

DJ SCIP: Worth noting is a quick list of some of the other Keter and Euclid class SCPs currently being moved to the temporary holding cells. This includes a pack of SCP-939, various instances from the body horrors of SCP-1429, and SCP-1616, otherwise known as “Nibbles, the hungry hamster who can fit anything in his mouth.”

DJ SCIP: Hmm… I’m pretty sure everything will be just a-okay with the retirement party, but uh, now that I’ve read that all out loud, I think I’m going to make a phone call…

DJ SCIP: While I do that, we have a very special recording for you today, my fine foundation family. With our new funding comes new security clearance. With it, yours truly got a chance to interview the one and only SCP-1761-1: The Republic of Arnold Fitzwilliams!

DJ SCIP: Please Enjoy.

*PLAYS INTERVIEW WITH SCP-1761-1*

DJ SCIP: I've just received word that the Foundation/GOC Inter-Agency Charity Ice Hockey Game has ended in a shootout… literally. Witnesses are unclear as to who drew their concealed firearms and opened fire first, but all agreed that both sides were responsible for the extensive damage to the Sloth's Pit Ice Rink, which is now riddled with bullet holes, several grenade craters, and a burning, melted Zamboni, after a daring but foolhardy attempt by Coalition players to use the ice-cleaning machine as a makeshift armored vehicle.

DJ SCIP: Harkness Manchester, the owner of the Ice Rink, has stated that the Foundation and Coalition are no longer welcome at his facility and that neither agency will be getting back their $700 security deposit.

DJ SCIP: On the bright side, it has been estimated that the Foundation/GOC Inter-Agency Charity Ice Hockey Game has raised…

*TYPING IS HEARD*

DJ SCIP: …after taking into consideration repair costs for the arena…

DJ SCIP: …about ten bucks.

DJ SCIP: …

DJ SCIP: Well, I guess this is as good a time as any to talk about our backup fundraiser event, the Keter Cake Bake Sale! We have 237 cakes of various sizes and flavors that must go! Literally! We need to get rid of these cakes in the next 24 hours! As mentioned before, we are low on D-class personnel who typically consume these cakes, and we are a tad short-handed today, so come and eat some cakes! I don’t care what your diet says. Just consider this your cheat day…

DJ SCIP: There’s a type of cake for everyone at this bake sale! We’ve got all sorts of cakes, from Baumkuchen to miniature cupcakes! There’s a cake with your name on it just waiting for you! Well, ok, there actually is a cake here with your name on it if your name is Rebecca, Roth, Patel, Tyrone, or Juan.

DJ SCIP: The funds go towards the original charity cause of the Hockey Fundraiser event, the Foundation Widows and Orphans Fund, as well as the United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund…as well as to cover the cost of the Hockey Fundraiser event!

DJ SCIP: Get your cakes before they repli-cake!

DJ SCIP: As we wind down, it’s time for music by personnel! We have a segment here by Junior Researcher Kix entitled “Memetic Or Something.” Huh, well, that shouldn’t actually be memetic, or at least not in any sort of dangerous way.

DJ SCIP: Remember, if you would like to have your music featured in our show, reach out and email us at SCP93.famradio[at]gmail.com and let us know who you are!

DJ SCIP: And now, please listen in for “Memetic Or Something.”

*SONG PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: In Other News, Dr. Bruce Richardson the III's retirement party went off without a hitch. Sorry from those of us who couldn’t make it, Doc, but from what I’ve heard from the mobile task force operatives afterward, the cake was delicious and the decorations fun and delightful!

DJ SCIP: Have a happy retirement and enjoy that greatest hits tape!

DJ SCIP: …

DJ SCIP: I’m…I’m not sure what to say here. I never really made a call sign. We typically went until my recorder’s battery died or some other cataclysmic event stopped us, but now that we have funding, I guess that’s not as likely…

DJ SCIP: Um, thanks for listening, and good night or good morning for those coming into the first shift.
40:40

For the holidays DJ Scip takes calls from around the Foundation and wishes everyone a happy holiday season!

00:00
DJ SCIP: It’s Christmas Eve here at Foundation After Midnight. Well, it’s not the calendar Christmas eve, but the real Christmas eve, from before the, uh, incident.

DJ SCIP: It seems that we’ve all been infected with cheer and the anomalous effects of Mr. Kringle because the amount of work getting done is nonexistent. I gave Andrew the holiday off, so it’s just me here today in the studio. Me, you listeners, and a hot cup of cocoa. Ah, festive.

*INTRO PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Most experiments, expeditions, research, and non-containment procedure tasks have been put on hold for the next few days. Partly this is to give the personnel time to relax and enjoy the holiday with friends and family. This partly might also be because the higher-ups would feel bad if they indirectly allowed someone to get horrifically killed at Christmas time.

DJ SCIP: Tis the season! Well, errr, tis the season for holiday cheer, not for getting killed…

DJ SCIP: Anyways, since I know you’re out there, I’ll be taking calls on the radio hotline and broadcasting them to spread the holiday cheer throughout the global Foundation organization! Speaking of which, I have one already waiting, so let’s hear who it is!

*JACK BRIGHT MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Ah, thank you, Dr. Bright. I’m sure no one will mess with your shotgun-filled Christmas.

DJ SCIP: Let’s hear another!

*BETA PHI BETA MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Hey, Foggy! Thanks for the shout outs and don’t worry, we’ve got plenty of broadcast for you tonight! Like this next message!

*AGENT HOSMAN MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Haha, oh Bio site 66, good times, good times. Hope Dr. Rich is alright, though… SCP-1933 is volatile… Errr, you see, If a fat man in a suit tries to offer you a drink-he’s a fat man, with a lot of alcohol in him…

DJ SCIP: Well, no, if you are giving a drink that has any Irish Cream, or is entirely Irish- no, no, um…
Let me just play you guys the report for what we’re trying to talk about… Holiday PSA 572!

*DR. COOL HOLIDAY PSA 572 "SCP-1933 BAILEYS SANTA READING PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Now that that’s out of the way, a little holiday theatrics playing at a site near you!

DJ SCIP: Taken from the trash, and put on the stage, comes a classic Christmas tale with a Foundation Twist. Site-19’s a Christmas Carol is being put on this year with your favorite personnel, and you don’t want to miss it!

DJ SCIP: Also, please remember that Site-19 ink is designated for Foundation work only.

DJ SCIP: Before he left, Andrew recorded this PSA for all of you.

*ANDREW GREETING MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Well, Andrew, we hope you're having a happy holiday!

DJ SCIP: An important security note to all Foundation personnel:

DJ SCIP: “Yesterday, containment for several SCP artifacts, including 1252, a half-formed imaginary friend, 1551, the repeating house, and 747, a group of animal mask-wearing children, was breached. In all instances where the SCP object has been capable of speech, the effector of the breach was described as “a kind man.” While the breaches were not in and of themselves severe, the fact that a single individual, apparently acting alone, has proven capable of bypassing all security measures, and has chosen to do so on a day as significant as yesterday, should be troubling to all Foundation employees.

DJ SCIP: To be clear: as there has been no indication of negligence on the part of Foundation employees, no one is being punished for this incident. This is only a reminder that despite however human SCP, objects may appear. We are still interacting with entities far beyond our ability to comprehend. It should go without saying that all Foundation personnel, of all levels, must maintain absolute vigilance at all times. - O5-██”

DJ SCIP: Whew, even during this festive season, it’s important to keep on your toes, people. Got to stay sharp cause we deal with some pretty crazy things on a daily basis.

DJ SCIP: Take, for example, the Are We Cool Yet? group of interest. This GOI is, I’ll get the official write up here, ahead:

DJ SCIP: “A collective of "art terrorists," the members of Are We Cool Yet? are capable of either obtaining or producing anomalous objects and entities and using them to create art installations. These installations are placed for maximum public exposure and are often — but not always — fatal to bystanders; the phrase "Are We Cool Yet?" is always present in some way.”

DJ SCIP: They are anartists, if you will. To emphasis this, I’ll read a little fictional Christmas-themed story about them.

*READS "ARE WE CHRISTMAS YET?"*

DJ SCIP: Hmmm, I think it’s a good time to listen to some more hotline calls. Remember, the FAM Radio hotline is open all year round, so give us a call! The number to call is 512-937-2346.

DJ SCIP: So, here goes!

*DOCTOR HALL'S MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Ah, thank you, doctor! Hopefully, everyone is making the best of their night. Whether you’re at home with family, out huddled around a heater eating Christmas cookies, or trapped in your office with a mountain of paperwork, here’s to you personnel!

DJ SCIP: And here’s to our next message!

*ELVES MESSAGE PART 1 PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Uh, ok, well that was concerning… At least, umm, well, there’s already another, so let’s hear that!

*ELVES MESSAGE PART 2 PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Well, thank you very much, Researcher Twinkle Toes. That sounds like a lovely use of one of the Research facilities, and I don't see why anyone would be calling security or doing anything about what we just heard…

*DIALS PHONE UNDER TABLE*

DJ SCIP: If I can bring to your collected attention now, the 14th Annual Site-19 Senior Staff Christmas Eve Caroling event, hosted by Researcher Conwell, is coming to town again. A group which consists of many recognizable faces, including yours truly. We’ll be singing classics like:

DJ SCIP: We Wish You A Merry Safemas! I Saw Mommy Kissing SCP-076, Navarro Saves Christmas, SCP-682 Roasting on an Open Fire, Set Up Thine Altar Here, Deck The Halls With Scranton Anchors! No One Should Be Alone, Oh Holy Bright, I Hope That I Get Old Before I Die, Walking in a Winter Wondertainment Land, The North Pole, SCP-1440 is Coming to Town! And The Main Theme to Die Hard.

DJ SCIP: Researcher Conwell would also like to note that due to the events that transpired during last year’s caroling, they’ll no longer be visiting the Keter wing. They admit it isn’t optimal, but -quote- we’re supposed to be spreading Christmas cheer, not Christmas tears. -end quote-

DJ SCIP: To give you a taste of our performance, here’s a personal favorite of mine that didn’t make the list this year, “The 12 Days of SCP.”

DJ SCIP: On the twelfth day of Christmas, the O5 gave to me… Twelve days of headaches, eleven caterpillars, ten clever prankings, nine apple seeds, eight puffer kittens, seven creepy crawlies, six floating eye pods, five MTFs! Four lazy guards, three new class-D’s, two cups of Joe, and another round of Keter duty.

DJ SCIP: This isn’t new news, but something worthy of the holiday season and of giving thanks and for remembering. A few years back, after Christmas and new years, the Foundation lost one of its finest. Tyler Bailey, inventor of the MUTA, or Multi-Universal Transit Array, died of an aneurysm on January 19th, 1997. His invention allows us to explore alternate realities and is at the height of Foundation studies and research. His sons Trevor, Tom, and Tristan are all outstanding members of the Foundation family, and together they dedicated a plaque at the site in honor of the late Dr. Bailey.

DJ SCIP: Well, shoot, it seems I’m running low on cocoa. While I refill my festive mug of festive fluids for my festive maw, please enjoy Dr. Cimmerian reading the classic “The Night Before Redacted.”

*DOCTOR CIMMERIAN "THE NIGHT BEFORE REDACTED" PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: But first, more messages to play for you all!

*MTF CAPPA MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: I can’t say I can really help with that, Bran. Maybe just accept the red coloring as part of your uniform. Or, maybe a new uniform would make a great gift for Lieutenant Bran, hint, hint, wink wink. Anyone need any last-minute gift ideas out there…

DJ SCIP: Or, for those not with the budget to buy a completely new Mobile Task Force team uniform and outfitted patrol gear, consider a 2-disc CD titled “Dr. Clef’s Holiday Hits.” This amazing album has tons of holiday hits! At least, it seems to boast a number. Can’t really tell. The cover depicts Dr. Alto Clef in a Santa outfit and holding a microphone, so at least that should be interesting.

DJ SCIP: While not a holiday song, it is full of holiday cheer. Please enjoy Researcher Zyn’s demo of “Do You Want To Catch a Bixby.”

DJ SCIP: I, for one, hope to hear more from her in the future!

*RESEARCHER ZYN SINGING "DO YOU WANT TO CATCH A BIXBY" PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Okay, wait, so I just noticed this sticky note on my desk to play an audio log. I can’t seem to remember what it is, but I’ll trust my own handwriting.

*DOCTOR CIMMERIAN 055 SONG PLAYS *

DJ SCIP: Oh, Right! That what…what was I talking about? And why is there a sticky note on my desk?
I think I see some more messages ready to go! Let’s hear what they got!

*GAMMA QUADRANT MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Well, thank you, year 2571! That’s probably going to have to be authenticated and looked into, but for now, happy holidays to you too!

*FIELD AGENT THOMAS MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Hey, Field Agent Thomas! Thanks for calling in! Always happy to hear from our guys in the fields! While I’m at it, a special shout out to all of our SCP Foundation branches, including our friends in the Russian Branch, our Korean Colleagues, the Chinese Branch, the Polish Branch, Spanish, Thai, and Japanese Branches!

DJ SCIP: Well, now the messages are just coming in faster and faster!

*BEAR MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: No matter what your beliefs are, what holidays you observe, if you’re part of the Foundation, you’re part of a family. A family of personnel working hard to keep the world a little brighter, a little safer, a little merrier. A special warm thank you to all of you out there.

*PLAYGROUND MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Huh, well, they didn’t leave a name, but I think that must have been one of the Researchers down there. Ah, well, onto the next message!

*CREEPY JINGLE BELLS MESSAGE PLAYS*

DJ SCIP: Well, my oh my, wasn’t THAT a strange holiday carol. People can sometimes get a little…too in the spirit around here and let the holidays get to their head. I’ll just be…making a call to get some more party-goers down there to uh…lighten up the mood a little.

DJ SCIP: But before I go, let me just take this time to thank you for listening and wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy holiday. Here’s to another year within the Foundation.
35:06

DJ SCIP
Host of Foundation After Midnight Radio, he is the ever optimist and always looking on the bright side of things. Whether he's reporting on a dimensional rift in the cafeteria, the end of the world, his own kidnapping, or a tickle goo monster running around the site! He is the usual voice you hear, bringing site announcements, PSAs, and containment breach updates to you after the midnight hour.

Andrew Alexeev aka DJ Twisted Toaster
Also known as the Assistant/Possible Replacement, Assistant DJ, or DJ Twisted Toaster, Andrew helps Scip with the broadcasts and behind-the-scenes running of the show. He handles a lot of the grunt work, like transcribing the show that DJ Scip often neglects. Andrew was an agent before coming to the FAM Radio booth, and he's happy with the quieter job, even if he's not sure about some of the broadcasts.

Page Title	Author	About
Radio Silenced	Jacob Conwell	As a memetic infection rips through the SCP Foundation, a debriefing is held with patient zero. Written as part of the 8th Annual Holiday Art Exchange.
FAM Radio: Have Yourself A Meta Little Christmas	HarryBlank	A meta-tastic fan episode of FAM Radio! Felt like the 4th wall was ready to save in from so many breaches. Written as part of the 2021 SCP Art Exchange.

A thank you to anyone who creates something based on FAM Radio! If you make something, be sure to share it with toadking07!

FAM Radio loves to hear, quite literally, from fans and listeners! Drop us a message via the social media pages for the podcast, or by email, or by calling/texting the Radio Hotline number! Whether you want to send fan mail, suggest SCPs and tales, or want to leave a voicemail to be used in a future episode, possibly, we're always open to hearing from you!

You can reach Foundation After Midnight Radio at:
Radio Hotline (512) 93-RADIO
Radio E.mail SCP93.FAMRadio(at)gmail.com

SCP Foundation

Secure, Contain, Protect

Most Recent Broadcast

Season 1

Episode 00 "Intro To The Foundation"

Episode 01 "Pilot"

Episode 02 "Space is Falling"

Episode 03 "The End Is Night"

Episode 04 "Universe Pending"

Episode 05 "Sports Related Tension"

Episode 06 "Happy Holiday Skipper"

Season 2

Characters and Universe

Writing by Other Authors

Fan Works

Contact and Info