Extradimensional Purchase: "Wondertainment Vacation Spot!"
rating: +53+x

Context: My old friend Chester, that little wonderful fella, needs a place for his employees to take a carefree vacation at! He wants something whimsy, 'cause that's his whole vibe. His 'business partner' Maria is very willing to barter some of their new toys. Not too many requirements for the property— it'd just need some fine-tuning…

Should be easy enough!

Compiling results from backbrain…

Extradimensional Purchase 03814-W: "Wondertainment Vacaction Spot"

Clients: Chester Williams & Ms. Maria Herring (Come on Chester, make that Ms. a Mrs. already!)
Currency: The United States dollar, along with the usual remembrance.

So glad to be working with you again, Chester! Hope your little toy store is doing good, last I heard you were in trouble with a gang. I could always install some security systems, if you're interested. Anyways, let's get right into it…

Lot-4DX3: Do you want to live somewhere safe? Isolated? In the middle of the Amazon Rainforest? Well, do I have a property for you! With this lot, you can spend your day soaking up the sun in tropical Brazil, and if you ever need to cool down, jump into the chilly waters of an air-conditioned pocket dimension! This property is perfect for anyone who needs to let loose!

Note: air conditioning not included.

Starting off strong! Lot-4DX3 is one of my most demanded properties, but just for you, Chester, I'm offering it at a discount! And, uh, you know how I am, figuring out that discount comes later in the process, and…

Bah. This is a scam, not even my brimming charisma can cover that up. You'd have to pay for air conditioning! I should really put this third-party seller on a blacklist already.

Park-7J2A: It's a waterpark. Enough said.

Chester. Do you know how much I love waterparks, Chester? If I had a gun with two bullets and was in a room with Hitler, the Administrator of the SCP Foundation, and someone trying to make waterparks illegal, I would walk out of the room and use the gun to form an anti-anti-waterpark mafia. That's how much I love waterparks, Chester, and let me tell you, this is an amazing waterpark. I could give you a tour, if you really want! In fact, I insist!

Well, I shouldn't get too ahead of myself. But just trust me, this is an amazing property. I'd buy it myself if I didn't own a bigger waterpark already.

Mansion-4E3L: Make your way to one of the greatest homes in the multiverse! This towering mansion includes a stunning sunset, combined with all the amenities you need for a relaxing getaway. This property includes customization, so if you don't like any parts of it, you're in luck— we'll paint and renovate for free to ensure that you have a wonderful experience!

Though unmentioned above, the Way to get into this property is actually all the way (hehe) up in Canada, right next to the US border, so it should be pretty easy to send an employee up there with a bus ticket. Not much else to be said.

You know, Chester, I'm a bit surprised your little business is doing so well! I mean, no offense, of course, you are a very ambitious fellow. I suppose 'magical toy store' is an untapped market!

Anyways, let me know when you've made your decision!

~ Capital R

Negotiations: When I made my way there to finalize their payment for Mansion-4E3L (that's right, they didn't buy the waterpark, tsk tsk), Maria was a little bit hostile. Said that me teasing Chester about their 'nonexistent relationship' was unprofessional, and I just replied that's how Chester and I are.

Nonetheless, she used that as leverage. She paid the full price for the Mansion and put up all the metal 'R' plates there which was nice, but she asked for a bit more. Something… special.

I had to teach her how to expand pocket dimensions, and in exchange, she'd build a statue of me for the center of their store. Said it'd be an 'amazing investment,' at which Chester nodded his head. I do like the statue, but in the middle of the store? I'm not so sure they have that's going to get that many eyes— yet again, no offense intended. But I've underestimated their business before. Maybe they'll surprise me again. Plus, Chester isn't a liar (Maria, though, I'm not sure about), so now she's expanding their warehouse dimension while I reap the Remembrance.

They only get a few customers right now, but if all things go well, I won't be forgotten for a long, long time.

Hello, Capital R!

Our new property is absolutely lovely! Maria recently went up there to take a break, and while she really enjoyed it, she still thinks it needs a bit more flair, you know?

I've been reading up on a lot of children's books, getting into our new, hm, rebranding, of sorts, and this book in particular, the Wizard of Oz, is very charming. Is there a possibility that we could adjust the Way, perhaps have it open up into a yellow-brick road?

If that is possible, I'm sure we can come to an agreement, so let me know!

Your dearest friend, Dr. Wondertainment

(Though you can call me Chester)

Dear Chester, or Dr. Wondertainment (Can I just say that I really love that name? It's very charming.)

That should be incredibly easy! We may need to order some golden bricks, but other than that, I've gotten fairly proficient at changing Ways.

Also, I should've expected that you'd ask for something cheesy like this! It's just the kind of thing you'd do.

As for the cost… how about we go out for a drink sometime? Perhaps you could even bring Maria, though you know how I feel about her, heh.

~ Capital R

Capital R,

It has been a while since we've spent some time together, I'm sure we have a lot to catch up on.

I asked Maria, and she's up for it too. Made her promise not to be rude to you.

One thing, though, is that I've given up drinking. Perhaps we could settle for tea instead?


Dear Chester,

Sounds good to me! See you soon, old buddy.

~ Capital R

Followup Note: Years later, and my investment in Chester's business is still paying off. They made a whole city in that original warehouse I sold them, Wonder World!

…I have no clue why I feel like saying "Tee Emm" after that.

But the city— it's massive. They have their own astonishing team dedicated to extradimensional spaces, so it's constantly expanding, and with a growing population that means more people come down to the park there and see the statue of me. I'm engrained in their memories, thanks to those two wonderful people. I knew this was a good investment.

And, well, I know it's silly, but… I wish I could have spent more time with Chester before he passed.

Well. I suppose this file should be closed. I don't have anything to note. This purchase was an astounding success.

But why do I feel so terrible about it?

File closed…

File has been archived in the backbrain.

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