Note to all Researchers:
Please include your name on all records, along with date and total number of items "refined".
Researchers are responsible for all "Output". Should damage or loss of life occur, the researcher will be subject to administrative review and possible disciplinary action.
Biological testing has been suspended. Any biological testing must be cleared by O5 Command.
Test Log Format:
All test logs should be written in this form.
Name:
Date: DD/MM/YYYY
Total Items:
Input:
Setting:
Output:
<- Notice: Continued from 18XX.
Test 914-1900
Name: Junior Researcher Evangeline Perry
Date: 24/02/2022
Total Items: One Nintendo Switch cartridge of the game Pokémon Sword
Input: One Nintendo Switch cartridge of the game Pokémon Sword
Setting: Fine
Output: A modified cartridge. While the game is largely similar, the player character will automatically change in appearance along with the team of Pokémon when different people play the game. During gameplay, it is not possible to box members of the team. New Pokémon can be caught, but they cannot be retrieved from the PC. Trading and breeding are similarly not possible, and the player will not receive a starter at the beginning of the game.
| J.R. Perry | The Pokémon team consists of Alolan Raticate, Chansey, Dedenne, Porygon-Z, Noctowl, and Musharna. |
| Intern Beauvillier | The Pokémon team consists of Farfetch'd, Wobbuffet, Reuniclus, Unown, Klinklang, and Porygon-Z. |
| J.R. Boneka | The Pokémon team consists of Alcremie, Appletun, Bounsweet, Noibat, Slurpuff, and Cherubi. |
| R. MacLean | The Pokémon team consists of Spiritomb, Porygon-Z, Ditto, Dusknoir, Empoleon, and Drifblim. |
| Dr. Veritas | The Pokémon team consists of Alakazam, Electrode, Gyarados, Vespiquen, Cofagrigus and Hydreigon. |
Note: I'm curious why it chose these Pokémon for me. - J.R. Perry
Note: It appears that my selection is largely composed of dessert and fruit-themed Pokémon specifically. So my theory is that everyone's team is based off of Pokémon that match their personality or interests; some of the choices are really obvious, like mine, but others are a little more abstract and you have to give it some thought to find a connection. - J.R. Boneka
Test 914-1901
Name: Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku
Date: 24/02/2022
Total Items: Seven six-sided plastic dice labeled with dots, seven twenty-sided plastic dice labeled with Arabic numerals
Input: One six-sided dice, one twenty-sided dice
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of 21 dots and 20 numbers, and a plastic sphere
Input: One six-sided dice, one twenty-sided dice
Setting: 1:1
Output: One eleven-sided dice and one fifteen-sided dice
Input: One six-sided dice, one twenty-sided dice
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small vertical roulette wheel device with its wheel divided into eight sectors. Each sector is labeled with a number.
Input: One six-sided dice, one twenty-sided dice
Setting: Fine
Output: A large shape-shifting dice that, when thrown, has an approximately 10 in 13 chance to land as a twenty-sided dice and an approximately 3 in 13 chance to land as a six-sided dice.
Input: One six-sided dice, one twenty-sided dice
Setting: Fine
Output: A small rectangular device with a button. When the button is pressed, the flat surface of the device will form extrusions in the shape of seven-segment display, showing a random number between 1 and 20 and a random number between 1 and 6. A loud shrieking noise is emitted from the device during this process. The numbers last for approximately 10 minutes, or until the button is pressed again.
Input: One six-sided dice, one twenty-sided dice
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large 26-sided dice labeled with numbers from 0 to 25. The result of throwing the dice seems to anomalously follow a binomial distribution with n=25 and p=0.5.
Input: One six-sided dice, one twenty-sided dice
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A thin plastic cylinder, with the words "THE BEST DICE IN EXISTENCE" engraved onto its side. Tossing the object onto a hard surface will cause it to loudly vocalize the word "Ow!" followed by a random number between 1 and 20 in a high-pitched voice. There is a small chance that this will be followed by the phrase "Stop throwing me!".
Test 914-1902
Name: Junior Researcher Liz Hammond
Date: 25/02/2022
Total Items: Three pieces of jawbreaker candy, three x-shaped blender blades
Input: One jawbreaker candy, one blender blade
Setting: 1:1
Output: One small knife made of flavored sugar, and one small metal sphere
Input: One jawbreaker candy, one blender blade
Setting: Fine
Output: A spinning top made of sugar and metal. It is anomalously able to keep itself spinning indefinitely once manually started.
Input: One jawbreaker candy, one blender blade
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large blender blade made of sugar, able to easily cut through soft materials. Any solid surface the blade has cut through will become anomalously 'flavored', with human subjects reporting various fruity tastes despite no flavoring substances being present. Effect wears off after 15 minutes.
Test 914-1903
Name: R. Carter Williams
Date: 25/02/2022
Total Items: Five snow globes
Input: One snow globe
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A snow globe, detached from the base. The base is severely dented and has been roughly cut into three pieces. Shaking the snow globe causes precipitation to fall from the sky in a 1.5-m radius around the globe. Once the globe is no longer actively being shaken, the precipitation ceases.
Input: One snow globe
Setting: Fine
Output: A sphere of glass filled with water, an unchanged base, and a pile of glitter. Heat is slowly transferred to the glitter from any surface the glitter is in direct contact with. Shaking the sphere of glass causes the water contained within to slowly freeze. Once the sphere is no longer being shaken, the contents quickly melt. The base shows no anomalous properties.
Input: One snow globe
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two small snow globes. One snow globe contains a model of a tropical beach, while the other contains a model of several carolers singing in front of a large snowman.
Input: One snow globe
Setting: Coarse
Output: A glass of water, a pile of glitter, and a cube of plastic. The plastic slowly cools anything within a 2-cm radius by up to 1 degree in total. Objects within this radius are also affected by an anomalous property that causes them to no longer absorb heat from their surroundings. The glass of water has the same effect, but heats objects instead of cooling them. Adding the glitter to the water caused it to stop exhibiting anomalous properties until the glitter was removed.
Note: It appears that using the settings in the opposite order of the way it’s usually done caused the outputs to be “mixed up.” This could be a feature of 914, or it could be due to the fact that I usually test in the opposite order. - R. Carter Williams
Input: One snow globe
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of glass and plastic shards. Glitter and water was dispersed throughout the output booth.
Test 914-1904
Name: Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku
Date: 27/02/2022
Total Items: Six Five round blocks of rosin attached to pieces of cloth, for use in string instrument bows
Input: One block of rosin
Setting: 1:1
Output: A clump of woven fiber attached to a thin plate of rosin
Input: One block of rosin
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small bow made of rosin with cloth in place of the bow hair.
Input: One block of rosin
Setting: Fine
Output: A detailed rosin sculpture of a pine tree, on a felt pedestal
Input: One block of rosin
Setting: Fine
Output: Seven arrowheads made of rosin, and a long piece of string
Note: Is this a "bow" pun? - Belopaku
Input: One block of rosin
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small animate rosin statue of a stylized elephant, standing on a piece of cloth. The statue left the output booth and began running around Researcher Belopaku before collapsing into a pile of rubble.
Test 914-1905
Name: Researcher Connolly, Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 27/02/2022
Total Items: Three copies of the board game Othello
Note: This is a two-player board game played on a 8 x 8 grid using 64 flat game pieces that are white on one side and black on the other. You play by alternating turns placing pieces on the board with your color facing up; any of the opponent's pieces that are in between your newly placed piece and an existing piece (horizontally, vertically, and diagonally) are flipped over, which converts them to your own color. Whoever has the most pieces with their color facing up at the end of the game is the winner. - JR Boneka
Input: One copy of Othello
Setting: 1:1
Output: One altered board game, the lettering on the box indicating it to be titled Othelloreo. All the pieces have been modified so that they are layered black-white-black, rendering the game unplayable since they are now black on both sides.
Input: One copy of Othello
Setting: 1:1
Output: One altered board game, the lettering on the box indicating it to be titled Hamlet. Notably, the rules for the game state that one side must take a minimum of fifteen minutes debating and agonizing over their decision before making a move, and that all parties lose regardless of the outcome.
Input: One copy of Othello
Setting: Fine
Output: One game board, two enlarged Othello game pieces. Testing reveals that when both of the pieces are placed on a flat surface, anything in between them is vertically flipped. Anomalous property was discovered when testing D-Class placed both pieces on each side of himself and was promptly overturned.
Note: D-103821 was excused from testing and is currently being treated for minor head injuries in the infirmary. - JR Boneka
Test 914-1906
Name: Junior Researcher Zevezda
Date: 10/03/2022
Total Items: One KS23 shotgun, one USB drive containing the game Escape From Tarkov, one remote control model of a M1A2 main battle tank, one USB drive containing the game War Thunder
Input: One shotgun and one USB drive containing Escape From Tarkov
Setting: Fine
Output: One KS23 with the USB drive integrated into the receiver. Further testing showed that when firing the shotgun, the user unconsciously aims at their own leg.
Note: In Escape From Tarkov a strategy is to shoot enemies in their legs with shotguns. Apparently, 914 took that and my distaste for the game into account, creating this self-mutilation tool. - JR Zevezda
Input: One tank model and one USB drive containing War Thunder
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One modified remote-control model of an M1A2 main battle tank, with the USB drive used to modify the components used to receive movement commands. Upon the opening of the output booth, the tank drove towards JR Zevezda. It was soon discovered that the tank was draining funds from JR Zevezda's bank account at a rate of $16/hour and sending them to the bank account of Gaijin Entertainment, the publishers of War Thunder. It is theorized that this was done by way of the modified movement command receiver. The transfer of money ceased after incineration.
Note: War Thunder has already taken enough of my money and time. I think this is a hint I need to find a less time-consuming hobby. - JR Zevezda
Test 914-1907
Name: Dr. Ari Marlon
Date: 16/03/2022
Total Items: One grogger, one copy of Megillah Esther
Note: Purim starts tonight, so I thought I'd use a grogger and Megillah Esther for a holiday themed test. Purim is a Jewish holiday in which we read The Book of Esther also known as Megillah Esther. A grogger is a noisemaker used during the reading of Megillah Esther. - Dr. Marlon
Input: One copy of Megillah Esther
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the Book of Ruth
Note: The Book of Ruth is a book in the Bible. - Dr. Marlon
Input: One grogger
Setting: Fine
Output: One grogger that activates with mention of any form of dessert food within a four meter radius. When activated, the grogger makes a loud ringing sound that produces feelings of disgust.
Test 914-1908
Name: Dr. Arin Martinez, Junior Researcher Milan Dzudak
Date: 17/03/2022
Total Items: Five acoustic guitars manufactured by C.F. Martin & Co.
Input: One acoustic guitar
Setting: Rough
Output: Several piles of crushed Sitka spruce (Picea sitchensis) and Brazilian rosewood (Dalbergia nigra) fragments, a small pile of steel wire fragments of varying length and thickness.
Input: One acoustic guitar
Setting: Coarse
Output: An acoustic guitar with the strings removed, six coiled steel guitar strings.
Input: One acoustic guitar
Setting: 1:1
Output: An acoustic guitar manufactured by Taylor Guitars.
Input: One acoustic guitar
Setting: Fine
Output: A small hammered dulcimer, a pair of small wooden mallets. When the mallets are held, the person holding them is anomalously able to play the instrument at an intermediate level, even if they have never played a hammered dulcimer previously.
Input: One acoustic guitar
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An acoustic guitar of unknown manufacture. Markings on the headstock do not correlate to any known language or maker's mark. When played, the item eminates a strong antimemetic field around the player, rendering them unnoticed by those not on a regimen of Class-W mnestics. Any sounds made by the instrument are also subject to this antimemetic effect. The field dissipates almost immediately upon interruption of play.
Test 914-1909
Name: Junior Researcher Zen
Date: 31/03/2022
Total Items: Three metal models of the "Hidden Blade" from the videogame Assassin's Creed II
Note: For the record, it's a gauntlet with a blade on the wrist that swipes in and out while moving the fingers. This model is for cosplays and has a dull blade for safety. - Junior Researcher Zen
Input: One Hidden Blade
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Hidden Blade similar to the one appearing in Assassin's Creed, the first game of the series, which features a slightly different design.
Input: One Hidden Blade
Setting: Fine
Output: One Hidden Blade similar to the one appearing in Assassin's Creed III, more complex than the previous ones, being a knife that comes out and rotates to get in the user's hand. However, this copy was sharper and harder to handle, and a tester lost two fingers while using it.
Input: One Hidden Blade
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One fully operational rope launcher actioned by an internal spring system, externally similar to the one appearing in Assassin's Creed: Syndicate, another game of the series. However, the rope, measuring only 10 m, was too thin to hold a human body and broke soon after the beginning of the testing.
Test 914-1910
Name: Junior Researcher Liz Hammond
Date: 06/03/2022
Total Items: Three small plastic trash bins, six metal bottle caps
Input: One trash bin, two bottle caps
Setting: 1:1
Output: A large plastic hat with the appearance of a straw hat, and two small metal models of a plastic bag full of trash
Input: One trash bin, two bottle caps
Setting: Fine
Output: A large opaque plastic bottle with the appearance of a glass bottle, with a large metal cap. The bottle is empty, but human subjects will be led to hallucinate that the bottle is filled with various articles of trash when observing the inside of the object from the mouth of the bottle.
Input: One trash bin, two bottle caps
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An unchanged bin, with the unchanged bottlecaps attached to each side of the lid. The object appears to be animate and capable of speech. It vocalizes from an unknown source inside its body, but its lid moves up and down when it speaks, mimicking the movements of a mouth. It declared itself to be a ''trash monster'' and threatened to devour Hammond despite being stationary and harmless, which it vehemently denied. Put into soundproof container, and became inert after 2 hours.
Test 914-1911
Name: Junior Researcher Emmeline Mizuki
Date: 13/03/2022
Total Items: Five rubber ducks
Note: Hello, I'm Junior Researcher Mizuki, just reassigned here from Site-81. Looking forward to work with you all. - J.R. Mizuki
Input: One rubber duck
Setting: Rough
Output: Shredded plastic, scattered in the shape of a duck
Input: Two rubber ducks
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two sharks made of rubber
Input: Two rubber ducks
Setting: Fine
Output: One rubber chicken which automatically makes sounds upon retrieval.
Input: One outputted rubber shark
Setting: Fine
Output: The same rubber shark, but capable of autonomous motion. During testing it was observed that rubber had shed off from the rubber shark, resulting in its neutralization within fifteen hours of production.
Test 914-1912
Name: Junior Researcher Elwin
Date: 27/03/2022
Total Items: Five Blu-ray complete sets of 2005 TV series Avatar: the Last Airbender
Note: Hi everyone, I'm new here. - JR Elwin
Input: One complete set of ATLA
Setting: Rough
Output: Smashed and burnt plastic shards
Input: One complete set of ATLA
Setting: Coarse
Output: One copy of the 2010 film The Last Airbender, eight blank Blu-rays
Input: One complete set of ATLA
Setting: 1:1
Output: One complete set of The Legend of Korra
Input: One complete set of ATLA
Setting: Fine
Output: A blue plastic tablet with a cognitohazardous symbol written on it that causes viewers to believe they can "bend" one of the classical elements by telekinetically controlling it or, in the case of fire, spontaneously generating it for approximately five hours, with no discovered way to halt its effects. Which element is assigned appears to be connected to the viewer's personality. Incinerated.
Input: One complete set of ATLA
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A twenty-seven centimetre tall replica of series protagonist Aang, with eyes and tattoos marked in the reflective material on the bottom of the disc. When picked up by D-80764, output became animate and attacked with various forms of "bending", including spontaneous fire generation, apparent geokinesis and hydrokinesis, and wind generation. Subdued and smashed by security personnel after causing heavy damage to test chamber. D-80764 and Junior Researcher Elwin sent to medical bay for second-degree burns and a broken forearm, respectively. Remains incinerated.
Note: I'll pay for the test chamber repairs. - JR Elwin
Test 914-1913
Name: Intern François Beauvillier
Date: 07/04/2022
Total Items: One math textbook
Input: One math textbook
Setting: Very Fine
Test 914-1914
Name: Junior Researcher Evangeline Perry
Date: 22/04/2022
Total Items: Three bottles of the perfume Avril Lavigne Forbidden Rose
Input: One bottle of the perfume Avril Lavigne Forbidden Rose
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bottle of the perfume Avril Lavigne Black Star
Input: One bottle of the perfume Avril Lavigne Forbidden Rose
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle of the perfume Avril Lavigne Forbidden Rose. The perfume had a considerably more powerful smell but dissipated very quickly in turn.
Input: One bottle of the perfume Avril Lavigne Forbidden Rose
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A bottle with a similar appearance. When applying the perfume to a D-Class, the D-Class showed notable changes in their behavior, acting like a stereotypical ''emo'' teenager, adopting a sulking and negative demeanor, who was unable to stop singing the song ''Sk8er Boi'' by Avril Lavigne.
Note: It stopped eventually, but we're unsure if it happened naturally or because the D-Class passed out from exhaustion after a while. - J.R. Perry
Test 914-1915
Name: Junior Researcher Elwin
Date: 26/04/2022
Total Items: Three nylon flags of the type used by color guard in various colors on 1.8 meter aluminum poles
Note: Color guard, for those of you who don't know, is basically dancing, but with big flags. For this test, I'll be using "tall" flags. - JR Elwin
Input: One black flag
Setting: 1:1
Output: One thinner aluminum pole a meter in length attached to a vaguely triangular flag two meters in length, with aluminum threads woven into the fabric. The flag is patterned with gears.
Note: I'm keeping this once it passes memetic screening, it's actually really pretty. - JR Elwin
Input: One blue flag
Setting: Fine
Output: One flag identical to input, but floating in midair. Testing reveals that it maintains its position until moved by a force other than gravity.
Input: One red flag
Setting: Fine
Output: One autonomously spinning flag that constantly performs a simple color guard routine while anomalously levitating about a meter off the ground. When security forces attempted to grab it, it continued attempting to spin until it was forcibly shoved into the incinerator.
Test 914-1916
Name: Researcher N. Reyblanc
Date: 04/05/2022
Total Items: One complete collection of nine Star Wars, the Skywalker Saga DVDs
Input: One collection of DVDs
Setting: Fine
Output: One collection of DVDs with anomalous storage capacities. DVDs contain security footage of all security cameras of Site-19 Facility 23 every May 4th since 1978. Every human that appears on screen is replaced by a Star Wars character. Bonuses include an exhaustive and in-depth technical "making-of" video presented by Site Director Hackett and a teaser for "A Brand New Saga, coming September 14th".
Test 914-1917
Name: Intern Beauvillier
Date: 17/05/2022
Total Items: Three desk lamps
Input: One desk lamp
Setting: 1:1
Output: One desk heater. Inner circuits have been redirected to produce maximal heat output while conserving the same power input as inputted lamp. However, testing has shown it is completely unpractical, as the heat output is so high that every standard issue ink evaporates after a few minutes of exposure.
Note: I could escape from paperwork with this—I mean, incinerated. This is useless. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One desk lamp
Setting: Fine
Output: A 99% efficient lamp. The filament appears to have been anomalously modified to reduce heat emissions to a minimum and maximize light output. However, disassembly of the light bulb to study the filament appears to have permanently neutralized its anomalous capabilities.
Input: One desk lamp
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visibly unchanged desk lamp. However, turning it on drastically affects light conditions in the space it is turned on in. When turned on, it appears as if every object in the room is shined on from every angle, rendering a perfectly uniform lighting. Due to these conditions, it is impossible for the brain to correctly process distances.
Addendum: Output spontaneously neutralized during testing, as in a hasty attempt to switch it off, Intern Beauvillier collided with the table on which it was positioned and displaced it in such a manner that its light source was terminated on impact with the floor.
Test 914-1918
Name: Director of Research Dr. Lucius Veritas
Date: 26/05/2022
Total Items: One Samsung Family Hub Smart Fridge, one Samsung Smart TV (Q-LED series), one Samsung Add-Wash washing machine
Input: One Samsung Family Hub Smart Fridge
Setting: Fine
Output: One Samsung Family Hub Smart Fridge. The refrigerator possesses a rudimentary AI assistant, similar to SIRI or BIXBY. Said assistant hacked into the nearest smart device (in this case, Dr. Veritas' mobile phone) and started producing text messages demanding to be filled with foodstuffs and to input the expiration date of all of them. When these messages were not answered, the refrigerator opened and attempted to cool the testing chamber below 0°C, threatening to ''freeze the lot of you to death''. It was unable to do so, since the performance of the refrigerator was not upgraded in any way. Anomalous properties did not recur after the refrigerator was unplugged.
Input: One Samsung Add-Wash washing machine
Setting: Fine
Output: One Samsung Add-Wash washing machine. The washing machine is autonomous, and attempts to locomote towards the closest article of clothing it deems dirty. However, the washing machine lacks any wheels, and instead opts to roll over multiple times to access the testing entrance, which quickly destroyed its internal structure.
Input: One Samsung Smart TV (Q-LED series)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Samsung Smart TV (Q-LED series). When turned on, the D-Class personnel directed to observe the output promptly burst into tears and described that he could see colours that never existed before, shapes that were impossible, and images that made him feel like he was under the influence of narcotics. The television showed noticeable signs of strain after a few minutes of broadcasting, started to produce blue smoke a minute later, and burned out completely a few seconds after. The D-Class collapsed, after which he was retrieved and recovered fully. The TV remained inert and was destroyed. The D-Class, upon regaining consciousness, described seeing a scenario where J.R. Perry would usurp Dr. Veritas' position of Director of Research by means of coup, but could not provide any further details.
Test 914-1919
Name: Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku
Date: 30/05/2022
Total Items: Seven flat head screwdrivers, seven Phillips head screwdrivers, and seven small articulated plastic action figures of Captain Janeway from the TV series Star Trek: Voyager
Note: These action figures are not mine. I have never watched the show, and know nothing about it. - Belopaku
Input: One flat head screwdriver, one Phillips head screwdriver, one action figure
Setting: Coarse
Output: One metal sphere and one plastic sphere
Input: One flat head screwdriver, one Phillips head screwdriver, one action figure
Setting: 1:1
Output: A flat head screwdriver with the handle previously belonging to the Phillips head screwdriver, a Phillips screwdriver head attached by the neck to the body of the action figure, and the original flat head screwdriver's handle attached to a plastic model of Captain Janeway's head
Input: One flat head screwdriver, one Phillips head screwdriver, one action figure
Setting: 1:1
Output: A large plastic and metal object of an unidentified design. The phrase "Federation Standard Drive-screwer" is printed on its side. No such device is featured in any form of Star Trek media.
Input: One flat head screwdriver, one Phillips head screwdriver, one action figure
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two similarly shaped plastic and metal action figures in the shape of anthropomorphic screwdrivers, and one small plastic tool of unknown purpose
Input: One flat head screwdriver, one Phillips head screwdriver, one action figure
Setting: Fine
Output: A large action figure of what appears to be Captain Janeway with multiple decorative metal sections inserted into the length of her limbs, resulting in an unnatural elongated appearance. When it comes in contact with a human subject, the object will emit a sound resembling a voice speaking the words "Robot Janeway" via unknown means.
Note: This is very unsettling to look at. - Belopaku
Input: One flat head screwdriver, one Phillips head screwdriver, one action figure
Setting: Fine
Output: A small, red plastic box with the words "Make Your Own Pop Culture Reference DIY Kit" printed onto the front. The box contains a small metal object in the shape of an arrow symbol. Subjects holding the metal object will temporarily be led to believe that anything the arrow is pointing at is a reference to popular culture.
Input: One flat head screwdriver, one Phillips head screwdriver, one action figure
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A very detailed model of the starship Voyager from the same TV series. Further inspection has revealed that the model depicts a full interior, and contains a single very small animate plastic figurine of Captain Janeway. Initially, the figurine was observed to be in a state of panic, and could be seen wandering around the halls of the miniature ship as if searching for something. After a few hours, the figurine was observed mostly in the captain's ready room, sitting in the chair and attempting to activate any of the nonfunctional electronic devices within. After about fourteen more hours of wandering around the interior of the miniature ship, the figurine eventually ceased movement.
Test 914-1920
Name: Researcher S. Sponson
Date: 30/05/2022
Total Items: Five pencils, five sheets of notebook paper
Input: One paper, one pencil
Setting: Rough
Output: Pencil was broken into several pieces and a cloud of toxic dust evacuated the booth shortly after it opened.
Input: One paper, one pencil
Setting: Coarse
Output: Several strips of wood, laid on top of a paper covered in graphite. Upon gazing at the pieces, the person will exhibit a subconscious desire to describe the creation of the pencil from beginning to end.
Note: SCP-914 separated information regarding the pencil’s history into a cognitohazard. I am intrigued, and pondering how this can be reproduced with future coarse outputs. - Researcher Sponson
Input: One paper, one pencil
Setting: 1:1
Output: One composition paper, two golf pencils, one small eraser.
Input: One paper, one pencil
Setting: Fine
Output: A pencil that is always sharpened. Studies have shown that this is taken in a literal sense, as removing all graphite from the body will result in the eraser becoming pointed.
Input: One paper, one pencil
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A wooden object built like a pen. When the clicker is pressed, all the graphite inside is expelled onto the user. The smudges caused by wiping the graphite are anomalously hard to clean off, resulting in most objects being smeared over permanently.
Test 914-1921
Name: Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku
Date: 31/05/2022
Total Items: Seven instances of an Apple iPhone 4S
Note: This experiment is to see how SCP-914 reconstructs complex objects that it disassembled itself. - Belopaku
Input: One iPhone 4S
Setting: Coarse
Output: Multiple cubes of various materials including metal, plastic, and glass.
Note: The above test was repeated six more times, with similar outcomes. These have been omitted for brevity. - Belopaku
Input: An iPhone 4S disassembled using SCP-914's Coarse setting into multiple cubes of various materials
Setting: 1:1
Output: A different arrangement of cubes now containing multiple materials in each cube.
Input: An iPhone 4S disassembled using SCP-914's Coarse setting into multiple spheres of various materials
Setting: Fine
Output: A small humanoid figure resembling a stylized muscular man, assembled from various spheres of the original input.
Input: An iPhone 4S disassembled using SCP-914's Coarse setting cleanly into its component parts
Setting: Fine
Output: Multiple small gears and mechanical parts made from different materials, and a small metal plate with the words "The 914 Collection" engraved onto its face. Notably, most of the individual objects resemble a major visible component of SCP-914 when seen from the front.
Input: An iPhone 4S disassembled using SCP-914's Coarse setting into clusters of component parts
Setting: Fine
Output: A large animate model of a butterfly of unknown species, with the words "Apple iButterfly" printed onto one of its wings. The object is too heavy to fly on its own.
Input: An iPhone 4S disassembled using SCP-914's Coarse setting into equally sized slices
Setting: Fine
Output: A kitchen knife with multiple moving mechanical parts visible within its handle. The mechanical parts seem to serve no purpose, and move on their own without any identified power source.
Input: An iPhone 4S disassembled using SCP-914's Coarse setting into rectangular ingots of various materials
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An object resembling a Glock 19 pistol with moving legs. The object was incinerated immediately due to safety concerns.
Input: An iPhone 4S disassembled using SCP-914's Coarse setting into multiple non-functional smaller versions of an iPhone 4S
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A gray-colored model of an apple with a glass-coated metal exterior. Human subjects viewing the object will experience a strong desire to bite into it. The object has been safely put into storage after being scratched by the teeth of multiple personnel including Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku, D-54710, and Agent Alan Sedna during the containment process.
Test 914-1922
Name: Junior Researcher Liz Hammond
Date: 05/06/2022
Total Items: Five paperback copies of the Merriam-Webster English dictionary
Input: One dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: A paperback book externally identical to a Merriam-Webster brand thesaurus. However, the majority of the information contained within appears to be incorrect.
Input: One dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: A cylindrical stack of circular pieces of paper, bound together through the center. Each 'page' appears to be the contents of the original dictionary printed in a circular fashion around the center of the page. The top and bottom pages are laminated as if they are covers, and the front cover is labeled "The Merriam-Webster Dictionary: Circle Edition".
Input: One dictionary
Setting: Fine
Output: A paperback book titled "The Secret Dictionary of Words the Government is Hiding From You". The contents of the book consist of pronunciations, definitions, and usage examples of over 70,000 nonsense pseudo-English words in alphabetical order.
Input: One dictionary
Setting: Fine
Output: A hardcover book titled "The Meaning of Life". The contents of the book consist of the Merriam-Webster dictionary's definition for the word 'life' repeated over the length of the entire book.
Input: One dictionary
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An anomalous paperback book titled "The Writings of SCP-914". When opened normally, the contents of the book appear to be the entirety of the SCP-914 experiment logs written before the time of testing repeated multiple times. However, when a human subject closes their eyes and vocalizes the words "I wish this book was about" followed by a topic of any kind while in physical contact with the book's cover, the contents of the book will temporarily change into a long, verbose essay complaining about the mentioned topic in an overly clinical tone.
Note: Don't ask me how the anomalous property was discovered. - Hammond
Test 914-1923
Name: Archives Programmer Ford Trotsy
Date: 09/06/2022
Total Items: Four identical 464cm x 140cm stereograms
Note: The hidden image inside these pictures is supposed to be a boat, but I can’t see it. - Trotsy
Input: One 464cm x 140cm stereogram
Setting: Rough
Output: Paper scraps were found spread evenly on the floor, seemingly arranged at random.
Input: One 464cmx 140cm stereogram
Setting: 1:1
Output: A 140cm x 464cm picture of a beach with the sun setting over the ocean.
Note: How is this at all related to a stereogram? - Trotsy
Input: One 464cm x 140cm stereogram
Setting: Fine
Output: A 464cm x 140cm stereogram its appearance was identical to the input image. However, exposure for more than 5 seconds allowed any viewer to immediately discern the image.
Note: Ok, well now this is definitive proof that the image was actually a pelican and not a boat like people claimed. - Trotsy
Input: One 464cm x 140cm stereogram
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A 464cm x 14cm painting that looked like a duplicate painting of “Relativity” by M.C. Escher. When attempting to touch the painting, objects will not make contact with anything and instead find open air. Subjects are able to go inside the temporal space and walk up and down stairs. Subjects are also unable to lose their balance. Subjects retrieved and painting stored in anomalous storage.
Test 914-1924
Name: Dr. Ari Marlon
Date: 09/06/2022
Total Items: Two cat pianos
Note: A cat piano is a simplified piano shaped like the head of a cat with the piano keys as the cat’s teeth. - Dr. Marlon
Input: One cat piano
Setting: 1:1
Output: One visibly unchanged piano. Playing it causes it to produce live cat sounds.
Input: One cat piano
Setting: Fine
Output: One cat piano that plays random notes
Note: When tested by D-Class with no piano playing experience, the output played outstanding pieces. However, when played by D-Class with experience, it produced audio consistent with that of an inexperienced player containing many errors such as wrong notes, inconsistent tempo, and rudimentary finger placement. - Dr. Marlon
Test 914-1925
Name: Junior Researcher Joseph Carpenter
Date: 09/06/2022
Total Items: One plastic children's harmonica
Input: One plastic children's harmonica
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged harmonica. The harmonica now radiates quite strong smells of what Researcher Carpenter and D-99735 described as a mix of grass, fire smoke, gunpowder, rain, and crayons. After playing, D-99735 reported feelings of a, “strong longing for the open, free country back out west. Far from civilization and corrupt Uncle Sam. I’d be free to eat all the ice cream I want without a bedtime.” After they finished their sentence, the harmonica released a short, sadly toned blues lick without human assistance or any blown air. A moment later D-99735 reported the feeling had passed and they were unsure why they spoke like they had.
Test 914-1926
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 09/06/2022
Total Items: One Yamaha-brand upright piano weighing roughly 350kg
Input: One Yamaha-brand upright piano
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One automaton made from the materials of the piano. The automaton consists mainly of wood with a sleek black and white finish, and an internal system of metal mechanisms and wires that allows it to be moved. It appears to be meant to be used as an exosuit, capable of fitting a human inside, who is able to control the automaton using a system of pedals. The mobility of the exosuit is rudimentary and bulky, with no discernible purpose, except that the exterior is covered in functional piano keys, including on the bottom of its feet, causing it to emit a very loud and dissonant piano noise every time a step is taken.
Test 914-1927
Name: Researcher Laskenta
Date: 09/06/2022
Total Items: One positive organ
Input: One positive organ
Setting: Fine
Output: One humanoid statue made out of solid wood and clad in metal tiles. It possesses movable joints both in places where humans would and would not have them. Due to its design matching the one of object 914-1926, a test has been scheduled to record the interaction between both outputs.
Addendum: Shortly after placing the statue in the interior of the automation, both objects became animate. The amalgamation proceeded to throw itself onto its lower abdomen and roll around in the test area. Except for an incessant noise, no further activity has been recorded. Despite slowly causing damage to itself, this behaviour did not stop until both items were forcefully separated from each other. Security Agent Petterson was granted a convalescence period of seven days to recover from being hit by the objects' limb twice.
Test 914-1928
Name: Intern François Beauvillier
Date: 09/06/2022
Total Items: Two drum-sets, two pairs of drumsticks
Input: One drum-set and one pair of drumsticks
Setting: 1:1
Output: A single, long drumstick and two particularly small drum-sets.
Input: One drum-set and one pair of drumsticks
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A left-handed drum-set. Can only be played in a left-handed configuration. Any attempt to rearrange the drum-set in a right-handed configuration will end with the drum-set arranged in a left-handed configuration. Any attempts to play in a right-handed position on the drum-set result in a noticeably decreased friction from the drumsticks, causing the player to often drop or let go of them accidentally. Anomalous property ceases when used in a left-handed configuration.
Test 914-1929
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 09/06/2022
Total Items: One Marshall brand guitar amplifier, one cello, one microphone
Input: One cello
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three violins and two violas. The strings of the instruments are extremely frayed, presumably due to lack of mass.
Input: One microphone
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One microphone of an unknown make. There is a button labeled "Record" on its side. Pressing the button causes the subject to become mute, and all vocalizations fed into the microphone will be anomalously altered to match the voice of the original subject. This will persist until someone else presses the button, in which case the anomalous effect is transferred to them and the original subject regains their ability to speak.
Input: One Marshall brand guitar amplifier
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Marshall brand guitar amplifier, with the dials modified to go up to 11 instead of 10. No other changes have been observed so far.
Test 914-1930
Name: Researcher S. Sponson
Date: 09/06/2022
Total Items: One slide whistle
Input: One slide whistle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One metal bracelet. When worn, any sound created by the user is turned into various musical instruments. Examples include: speaking becoming a ukulele sound, the person’s heartbeat becoming drums, and breathing turning into a flute. During testing, a D-Class subject was told to crack their back. The subject’s bones made a tuba sound of around 60 decibels when carried out.
Test 914-1931
Name: J.R. Evangeline Perry
Date: 09/06/2022
Total Items: One musical triangle
Input: One musical triangle
Setting: Fine
Output: A triangle of identical appearance. Striking it produces a sound similar to applying pressure to a near-empty bottle of a condiment, such as mayonnaise.
Test 914-1932
Name: Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku
Date: 12/06/2022
Total Items: Four full tubes of lemon scented moisturizing hand cream, and one empty tube of the same cream
Input: A full tube of hand cream
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small model of a human hand made of hand cream, resting on a plastic pedestal. The model collapsed within a few seconds under its own weight.
Input: A full tube of hand cream
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small plastic tub containing a portion of the unchanged cream, and a screw-on lid compatible with the tub lying upside down beside it. The tub is too small to contain all of the cream, and the rest of the substance has been splattered over the walls of the output booth, as if it was forcefully expelled from the opening of the tub.
Note: When I try to put any kind of oily liquid into 914 next time, remind me about this test so I can reconsider. - Belopaku
Input: A full tube of hand cream
Setting: Fine
Output: A hollow and anomalously rigid sphere of plastic, partially filled with what is assumed to be a separated colloidal mixture of various organic substances. The mixture appears to be capable of movement, resulting in the sphere being able to move itself in a rolling motion. The object shows a limited ability to perceive its surroundings, and is able to guide itself through complex paths.
Note: Despite my desire to do so, and encouragements from a number of coworkers I will not name, I have decided against naming this object or keeping it as a pet. I know it shouldn't even be a question in the first place, but I am mentioning it here as a reminder to others that personal possession of anomalous objects should not be taken lightly. Some may know that I already have an anomalous sentient sphere under my care — another output from 914 from over three years ago — but it is from a time back when regulations were lighter, SCP-914 tests were a lot more frequent, and Research Cell 109-A was being cleared out every few weeks. It should not be considered a precedent. - Belopaku
Input: A full tube of hand cream
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A tube of cream labeled "ANYTHING CREAM: USE IT FOR ANYTHING". When the contents are left outside the tube for over three seconds, the cream will anomalously undergo a chemical reconfiguration, turning into a liquid mimicking various household liquid substances such as dish soap, shampoo, lubricant, cooking oil, and hand sanitizer. The choice of substance appears to be random, and the substances often do not work as intended due to the limitations in chemical composition of the original substance.
Input: An empty tube of hand cream
Setting: Fine
Output: A flat plastic plate in the shape of a stylized lemon. Upon contact with a human subject other than Researcher Belopaku, the object will emit a 'squirting' sound similar to that of cream being squeezed out of a tube. When touched by Researcher Belopaku, it will emit a loud vocalization similar to the sound of him screaming.
Note: Needless to say, the guards dispatched to my location were very confused. - Belopaku
Test 914-1933
Name: Researcher Laskenta, Dr. N Rose
Date: 15/06/2022
Total Items: None. See note.
Note: Due to 914's unpredictability and squandering nature, my previous attempts at recovering data from various storage devices have failed. In order to attain more tries with a single input, I will assay to put imaginary objects into the Clockworks. Since Test 914-0250 showed, that invading a human mind in this way might lead to the D-Class fainting, Dr. Rose injected a mix of adrenaline and Class-W mnestics into D-83785 and will watch them closely during the test. - Laskenta
Input: Nothing. D-83785 has been shown an empty, functional USB drive and has been ordered to imagine this object in SCP-914's Input booth. In order to confirm SCP-914's capability to alter mental images the selection panel has been set and covered before D-83785 entered Cell 109-B.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Nothing. D-83785 reported to imagine an empty bowl and several sheets of paper containing schematics of various electronics in the Output booth. D-83785 - who has no technical background - was able to draw the circuit diagram of an arbitrary USB drive from memory, after being asked to reproduce one of the imaginary sheets. Additionally, they noted to feel "emotionally colder", despite being "highly interested" in the effect at play.
Input: Nothing. D-83785 has been shown a USB drive, storing a recipe for scrambled eggs as a .txt file. They have been cursorily informed about its content before being ordered to imagine the object in the Input booth.
Setting: Fine
Output: Nothing. D-83785 imagined a steaming omelette on a black plate in the Output booth. Upon being asked about the omelette's inside, they announced with agitation that they saw "words pouring" out of it. All of the words D-83785 gave account of were present in the original input.
Input: Nothing. D-83785 has been shown a USB drive, storing an image of a screw as a .jpeg. They have not been informed about its content before being ordered to imagine the object in the Input booth.
Setting: Fine
Output: Nothing. D-83785 began reciting the English Wikipedia article "Archimedes' screw" word for word as soon as the Output booth opened. They proceeded to ask gestural for writing utensils, with which they wrote the word "Aphantasia" three times before throwing them on the ground. As confirmed in later questioning, D-83785 was panicking, as they were not able to stop this behaviour at will. They lost consciousness after a few minutes, while quoting the "Design" paragraph.
Addendum: Following D-83785's collapse, Dr. Rose had them immediately transported to the medical bay for observation. While showing regular vital signs for an unconscious individual, Dr. Rose expressed concern for unseen effects of the testing, with expressive regards to brain damage. After a period of 7 hours, D-83785 returned to consciousness. They appeared to be anxious and easily startled, and were granted respite under medical observation, following a physical examination. D-83785 was returned to the medical bay and were able to attend to the customary interview afterwards.
Note: This is not the first time 914 has shown it doesn't just affect matter within its physical system. Frankly, the risk is too high to continue this line of testing. - Dr. Rose
Note: Executive override. The risks are tolerable, the insights we've gained through just three tests are enormous, and the expenses are reasonable so far. - Veritas
Test 914-1934
Name: Dr. Drive
Date: 15/06/2022
Total Items: One block of ice
Input: One block of ice
Setting: Fine
Output: One slightly warm ice sculpture in the structure of an electrical circuit breaker box, which seems to have been created through precise heating.
Note: This has got to be one of the worst puns I have ever seen. - Dr. Drive
Test 914-1935
Name: Researcher S. Sponson
Date: 19/06/2022
Total Items: One shirt with the words “00 DAYS WITHOUT A DAD JOKE”
Note: In celebration of Father’s Day. - Researcher Sponson
Input: One shirt
Setting: Fine
Output: One shirt, same as the input. When worn, the wearer will begin to spout jokes and puns at random intervals in a vocal pattern akin to a stereotypical father figure. However, all the jokes stated by the wearer are nonsensical, with each joke referencing topics too confusing for the recipient of the joke. The effect ends when the shirt is taken off.
Test 914-1936
Name: Researcher S. Sponson
Date: 20/06/2022
Total Items: One dossier on memetic effects
Input: One dossier on memetic effects
Setting: Fine
Output: One cube made out of folded paper. The cube, when held, attempts to deceive the holder with auditory hallucinations via various falsehoods. However, the cube has yet to successfully convince personnel of anything. Some examples of stated falsehoods are: convincing the holder that they are actually D-Class personnel, the current president of the U.S., or their neighbour being Santa Claus. Effect ceases after contact is ended.
Test 914-1937
Name: Jr. Researcher Daker
Date: 21/06/2022
Total Items: Five copies of the card "Lightning Bolt" from Magic: The Gathering
Input: One card
Setting: Rough
Output: Wood pulp, puddles of red, black, and blue dye respectively.
Input: One card
Setting: Coarse
Output: A copy of "Lightning Bolt" from earlier in the game's history, which has been heavily worn down.
Input: One card
Setting: 1:1
Output: The card "Counterspell", from the same game. Analysis shows that the normally blue dye added to the card stock's glue has been replaced with red dye.
Input: One card
Setting: Fine
Output: A card named "Lightning Strike" which deals 5 damage instead of "Lightning Bolt"'s 3 damage.
Input: One card
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A seemingly unchanged card. Upon retrieval, the card electrocuted D-53869, who was sent to the medical bay.
Test 914-1938
Name: Intern Stephen McNamara
Date: 22/06/2022
Total Items: One empty can of Coca-Cola soda
Input: One empty can of Coca-Cola
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A Coca-Cola branded novelty cup. Despite being the same volume of the original can, the cup fills up to two liters of the holder's favorite Coca-Cola product. Filling it with any other substance leads to the cup only holding its original volume of liquid. If held by a subject who prefers Pepsi brand sodas, the cup instead fills with two liters of the target's blood, causing near instantaneous exsanguination.
Test 914-1939
Name: Guest Researcher Zodiak
Date: 25/06/2022
Total Items: Nothing
Note: I was inspired by other researchers' experiments to test SCP-914’s applications in trauma therapy and phobia treatment. - GR Zodiak
Input: Nothing. D-17228, who has mild arachnophobia, was asked to imagine a spider in the Input booth.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Nothing. Upon opening the booth, D-17228 tried to escape the room, beating on the door with his fist. Upon questioning, D-17228 stated there was a swarm of tiny spiders pouring out from the booth. D-17228 was registered amnestics and permitted to leave for psychological evaluation. It was determined that D-17228s arachnophobia was made much more severe through this experience.
Note: With the remaining tests, I am hoping that specifying a small, harmless example of their phobia will result in less severe reactions. - GR Zodiak
Input: Nothing. D-17390, who has mild ophidiophobia (fear of snakes), was asked to imagine a garter snake in the Input booth.
Setting: Rough
Output: Nothing. When questioned, D-17390 stated the booth contained a mashed up snake, appearing as though it had been run over. After psychological evaluation, it was determined that the experiment had little to no effect on D-17390's phobia.
Input: Nothing. D-17390 was asked to imagine a garter snake in the Input booth.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Nothing. When questioned, D-17390 stated the booth contained a deep hole with no apparent bottom which was ‘sucking’ him in. Psychological evaluation confirmed that D-17390 no longer had ophidiophobia, but had developed a moderate case of acrophobia (fear of heights).
Input: Nothing. D-17640, who has moderate trypanophobia (fear of needles), was asked to imagine a syringe in the Input booth.
Setting: Fine
Output: Nothing. When questioned, D-17640 stated the booth contained a syringe with a tag on it. The tag, according to D-17640, had the words ‘the cure’ on it. Psychological evaluation revealed that D-17640, while still suffering from trypanophobia, had their phobia somewhat reduced.
Input: Nothing. D-17640 was asked to imagine a syringe in the Input booth.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Nothing. Upon opening the Output booth, the D-Class started screaming incoherently about needles. D-17640 would not calm down until they were registered amnestics (only possible while the D-Class was restrained), and even then the violent reaction would reoccur when D-17640 saw a needle or syringe.
Test 914-1940
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 30/06/2022
Total Items: Three vials (8 dram) each of liquid estrogen and liquid testosterone
Note: For once, I have time to experiment. I had to specially order these, since we usually only hold so much for our current transgender personnel. For anyone concerned about their identity, make your way to someone more educated than I. - Dr. Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned vials of testosterone
Setting: 1:1
Output: One vial of equal volume containing a clear substance. Chemical analysis indicates the substance to be identical to testosterone. Testing with the liquid resulted in the male characteristics of the test subject to rapidly dissipate. During testing with female test subjects, there were no discernible changes.
Input: One of the aforementioned vials of testosterone
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical vial. Chemical analysis revealed the contained liquid to be identical to testosterone. Upon testing with D-Class, the liquid proved exceptionally dense, being difficult to extract into a syringe. Following injection into the forearm of the D-Class, they suffered from immediate muscular atrophy while simultaneously employing a heavily increased level of strength. The D-Class was terminated following near-assaults of Facility guards.
Note: Freak-ish brute strength, to put it mildly. He looked like if Frankenstein could shapeshift, but it went horribly wrong. No guards were injured, despite attempts from the D-Class. I’ll conduct an autopsy with our coroners following these tests. - Dr. Rose
Addendum: Following postmortem examination, the D-Class’ brain was scanned and found to be suffering from heavy degeneration of cells, particularly in regards to memory. Dr. Rose theorized that should the drug continue affecting it’s taker, full degeneration of the memory would occur within 10 hours. Muscular effects did not continue after the D-Class’ termination, however they were found to have incredible tensile strength, while proving to be weak and non-enduring.
Input: One of the aforementioned vials of estrogen
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three vials containing oxygen, hydrogen and carbon. All components of the output matched the mass and respective volume of the input.
Note: Estradiol is the major female sex hormone, and its chemical equation is C18H24O2. 914 managed to separate the formula into it's components. Impressive, however I would recommend against using the material. - Dr. Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned vials of estrogen
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A Petri dish of liquid. Chemical analysis was unable to be performed, due to the output moving on its own accord. The liquid matter within the dish was capable of movement in a gelatinous matter, and would frequently move towards any personnel in its vicinity. Guards attempted to leave the chamber, however the liquid would clasp onto one guard’s, henceforth referred to as the subject, boot. Following their isolation, the liquid would force itself into the subject’s body via the nose. After this, the subject would fall unconscious for 46 seconds, before rising and aggressively attempting to escape. Subject did not respond to their name, rank nor demands. The subject was forcibly detained into an air-tight containment unit, to prevent the liquid output’s potential escape. The Petri dish was destroyed via the incinerator.
Note: Even if the guard dies, it’ll be impossible to examine them. I recommend incineration following expiration. This thing gives me the creeps regardless… - Dr. Rose
Input: The remaining vials of testosterone and estrogen
Setting: Fine
Output: A 16 dram vial of a clear substance. Chemical analysis revealed components of both testosterone and estrogen, however other components could not be identified; the overall mass of the substance remained the same though at a lower volume, being 13.4 dram total. Further testing may be required. Testing with the liquid proved it to be the same viscosity of heavily diluted blood. Following injection of the forearm of a D-Class, no immediate effects were recorded. This remained consistent for 12 hours. Following another hour, the D-Class fell sick, reporting stomach, muscular, abdominal and cranial pains described as ”someone stabbing me with a fucking rusty machete.” Six hours after a medical bay incursion, the D-Class was revealed to have both male and female primary and secondary characteristics and physicality. Over the following hours, routinely every 30 minutes the D-Class would complain of further abdominal pain before severely bleeding from the groin. D-Class was sedated and is receiving ongoing treatment following experiment.
Test 914-1941
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 30/06/2022
Total Items: One set of piano sheet music for the impossible composition "Rush E" by Sheet Music Boss
Input: One set of sheet music
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One composite sculpture exhibiting visible effects in which it becomes impossible for the viewer to write, type, or sound out the first letter of the English lexicon. Even English words using this letter become forbidden, so they must be switched out with substitutes. The effect subsides once the liquid which is used to expunge recent memories is provided.
Note: Despite its title, the composition I inputted is not in the key of E, but in the key of the letter I'm currently prohibited from using. I'm slightly relieved it is this letter, not E, since circumventing words with the letter E would be much more difficult, I believe… though this is still extremely obnoxious. - JR Bonek
Test 914-1942
Name: Dr. Dalton Magus
Date: 30/06/2022
Total Items: One map of Facility 19-23
Input: One map
Setting: Fine
Output: One map in a medieval style of a nonexistent landmass resembling Facility 19-23. The paper is slightly browned, seemingly from heat treatment. The map is decorated with various annotations and mythical creatures, including a note in the approximate location of the administrative offices stating "Here be dragons", and a band of jesters in the staff quarters. Viewing the map causes a mild compulsion to speak in Old English.
Test 914-1943
Name: Intern Stephen McNamara
Date: 30/06/2022
Total Items: Two standard chess sets, complete with all thirty-two pieces
Input: One standard chess set
Setting: Fine
Output: 32 humanoid figures (7 cm tall) made of the same materials as the initial chess set. Outfits designate them in the same roles as the original pieces. The King and Queen of each side were approx. 15 cm tall. Before testing could commence, the figures engaged in combat with each other. While no major damages were documented, one of the rooks tossed a toothpick-sized spear at an attending researcher's eye. However, the mandatory eye protection blocked the attack. The figures have since been collected and incinerated.
Input: One standard chess set
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden bowl and pair of chopsticks made out of the same wood as the original set. Testing with D-Class personnel indicates that when rice is eaten out of the bowl, the subject experiences vivid visual and auditory hallucinations of various military battle scenes, ranging from medieval knights to modern skirmishes. Other food eaten out of the bowl causes this effect only rarely.
Test 914-1944
Name: Intern Stephen McNamara
Date: 01/07/2022
Total Items: One battery-powered smoke detector
Input: One smoke detector
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually unchanged smoke detector. As soon as the chamber opened, it began to sound despite there being no smoke. Disassembly and testing showed that the object now emits noise in the presence of any gaseous compound, up to and including SATP atmosphere. Object has been disassembled and incinerated.
Test 914-1945
Name: Intern Stephen McNamara
Date: 05/07/2022
Total Items: One hardcover copy of the King James Bible, one paper Chinese takeout menu
Input: One King James Bible, one Chinese takeout menu
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One hardcover book titled "Phonebook of Miracles". The book contains one-thousand-two-hundred pages containing various phone numbers that can be called to ask a figure known as the "High Creator" for certain favors, including the healing of diseases and the bringing of a bountiful harvest. The majority of the phone numbers called simply led to the caller being put on hold, with waiting music resembling choir singing in an unknown language.
Test 914-1946
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 13/07/2022
Total Items: Three 3Dio Free Space microphones
Note: For whatever reason, we’ve seen a lower number of insomnia patients. I’m not complaining by any stretch of the imagination, but asking a few of our interns revealed they used ASMR videos. Non-scientific as they may be, these microphones are a common style used in these videos. - Dr. Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned microphones
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical microphone. When used for its intended purpose, the subject will anomalously lose all hearing ability, rendering them medically deaf. However, they will instead be able to hear through the microphone. This effect will sustain as long as the microphone is held and activated. Testing has resulted that objects, voices and movements are able to be heard through the microphone, but when tested with the subject’s ears, they did not respond; the microphone’s sensitivity was drastically lowered during the human ear examination to allow for accurate testing. Releasing the microphone will disable the effect.
Input: One of the aforementioned microphones
Setting: Fine
Output: A Blue Yeti 3-Capsule microphone. Using the microphone renders the subject unable to vocalize above 60dB, the average talking decibel level, and compels them to utilize objects and clothing that emit a “pleasing” or “soothing” sound. In ongoing testing, subjects have only been able to work with clipboards, mechanical keyboards, penlights, and their lab coats thus far. Heretofore, no way to resist or stop the effect has been discovered, and subjects will express physical pain when forced to perform tasks at a regular decibel level.
Input: One of the aforementioned microphones
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An identical microphone. When activated, all individuals within a 25 meter radius will instantaneously fall asleep. This effect goes through solid materials, including walls and windows. Use of vocalizations, rough movement or loud noise is unable to wake up affected subjects. Removing them from the radius does allow for subjects to awaken. Security personnel were notified of the test going awry following routine camera observation. The microphone was deactivated via use of a remote-controlled robot, and the effect ceased as a result. The microphone was incinerated and personnel who had unknowingly injured themselves during the effect were treated.
Note: I was only notified of the effect being able to go through solid material AFTER I was woken up. Not only did I end up smacking my skull on the floor, but became a test subject unwillingly. While I recover from my concussion, don’t expect a happy British doctor for the next week. - Dr. Rose
Note: Never saw any happy British people to begin with, Rose. - Veritas
Test 914-1947
Name: Junior Researcher Daker
Date: 14/08/2022
Total Items: Three copies of a note reading "fan", six sheets of A4 printer paper, three 10g blocks of HDPE plastic, three 5g blocks of copper, three 5g blocks of iron
Input: One note, two sheets of paper, one of each aforementioned block
Setting: Fine
Output: An extended paper hand fan, with a miniature office fan head cut into the center.
Input: One note, two sheets of paper, one of each aforementioned block
Setting: Fine
Output: A miniature office fan. The blades are replaced with paper models of human limbs with the words "GO TEAM" written in iron.
Input: One note, two sheets of paper, one of each aforementioned block
Setting: Fine
Output: A gust of wind, containing a fine mist of the input materials. The mist was able to bypass the PPE worn by personnel during testing.
Addendum: All testing was suspended for the remainder of the day while the testing chamber was cleaned out.
Test 914-1948
Name: Junior Researcher Elwin
Date: 14/08/2022
Total Items: Four 32 GB flash drives, each containing a copy of Subnautica
Note: Subnautica, for those of you who've never played it, is an underwater survival/horror game set on an alien planet in the far future. After your starship crashes, you're left to scavenge, explore, and eventually escape the planet. - JR Elwin
Input: One copy of Subnautica
Setting: Coarse
Output: One identical flash drive containing an executable labeled "subnotica.exe". On opening, it was revealed that all models had been replaced with crude drawings. Game ran for approximately seventeen minutes before crashing and rendering the laptop inoperable.
Input: One copy of Subnautica
Setting: 1:1
Output: One flash drive containing a copy of Subnautica: Below Zero.
Input: One copy of Subnautica
Setting: Fine
Output: One 64 gigabyte flash drive containing a similar game, but with notably improved graphics and many additional, unnecessary mechanics that detract from gameplay such as decompression sickness and a stamina meter. No anomalous properties found.
Input: One copy of Subnautica
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An unchanged flash drive containing the exact same data. On opening the game and beginning a new save, D-23984, who was testing the game, disappeared. The game then appeared to be playing autonomously and no longer accepted inputs. It was noted that the gameplay was rather amateurish at first. As the laptop could not be turned off, the game was allowed to run unchecked overnight, albeit with monitoring procedures in place.
Addendum: On 21/08/2022, when the game successfully created and launched the Neptune Escape Rocket and completed the game, D-23984 reappeared before the computer, bewildered and bearing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and intense thalassophobia. Debriefings revealed that D-23984's experience matched that of the autonomous run, up to and including all 17 deaths. D-23984 requested amnestics, which he was granted.
Test 914-1949
Name: Intern François Beauvillier
Date: 15/08/2022
Total Items: One wooden bed frame, one mattress, one pillow, one blanket, assorted bedsheets
Input: All aforementioned items, assembled into a bed
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visibly unchanged bed. The exact nature of the output is currently undetermined. See Addenda.
Addendum 1 - Resume of the facts:
Upon the opening of the output booth, the immediate moment that the output was fully in view of Intern François Beauvillier, he seems to have been thrown onto the output by an unknown force, albeit showing little to no resistance. Upon making contact with the bed, Intern François Beauvillier appears to have fallen into a form of artificially coma.
Addendum 2 - Dr. Aersson's report:
Intern Beauvillier's physical and mental state resembles that of a deep artificial coma, similar to medically induced ones. However, blood analysis has shown no presence of any such drug in his blood system. Brain pattern analysis reveals patterns consistent with coma and limited consciousness. Intern Beauvillier will be put on intravenous treatment to both attempt to resume consciousness and keep hydration and glucose level stable.
Addendum 3 - Transcript of video surveillance footage dating from 03/08/2022:
Intern Beauvillier can be seen opening his eyes, then taking a seated position, looking at the medical equipment surrounding his bed in confusion. He gets up, stands in place for approximately ten seconds, before stretching and trying to head towards the door. As he was still attached to the IV stand, he accidentally pulled it with him and caused it to fall, resulting a lot of noise, which alerted Dr. Aersson, who rushed to the room.
Addendum 4 - Nature of the output:
Subsequent testing has shown that this bed will apply a force pushing the nearest viewer towards it. Said force's strength follows an inverse law correlated to the ratio of hours spent sleeping over the past 24 hours. The effect becomes negligible at around a ratio of 0.5. Upon contact with the output, the viewer will fall into a state of deep artificial coma until their body has rested sufficiently to allow for a reprisal of activities in optimal conditions, both physically and mentally.
Note: What a nap. - Intern François Beauvillier
Note: Please remember to get some correct sleep. Medical help is available, try to remember that. Output incinerated, it is too unpredictable to be useful. - Dr. Aersson
Test 914-1950
Name: Dr. E. A. Nim
Date: 24/08/2022
Total Items: Three pieces of DIN A4-sized printing paper, each with the word "Extrodinarry[sic]" handwritten on them with normal black ink
Input: One note
Setting: Fine
Output: One piece of paper with the word "[sic]" printed on it in a blue-green-red gradient. The paper appeared to be recycled from the original note. Chemical analysis of the ink revealed that SCP-914 had separated the dyes in the original ink.
Input: One note
Setting: Fine
Output: An origami swan made of normal grade printing paper set in a small puddle of ink. It is hypothesized that SCP-914 removed moisture from the air inside the input chamber in order to rehydrate the ink.
Input: One note
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An unidentified odorless white gas, which blew into the face of D-07892. D-07892 reported symptoms of dyspraxia for ten minutes following inhaling the gas. Exposure seems to have had no long-term effects.
Note: I find it interesting that 914 only seemed to affect the input materials, not the contents, even though we've seen that it seems to have an understanding of concepts and ideas. I was hoping to test SCP-914's understanding or response to the misspelling. - Dr. Nim
Test 914-1951
Name: Junior Researcher Brooke
Date: 24/08/2022
Total Items: Five 7cmx5cm mirrors
Input: One mirror
Setting: 1:1
Output: One visually unchanged mirror that displays reflections flipped 180 degrees horizontally.
Input: One mirror
Setting: Fine
Output: One 5cmx3cm mirror, noticeably thicker. The output displays D-107392 the nearest individual’s current thoughts instead of a reflection. The thoughts in question either take the form of short text segments, images, or videos. The mirror does not require any apparent power source.
Input: One mirror
Setting: Fine
Output: One mirror, visually unchanged. The output began to quickly glow when removed from the output booth. The current belief is that it absorbs light from its environment, releasing it in concentrated amounts after. So far, it seems to be able to release an indefinite amount of light, to the point of causing retinal damage and blindness. Item sent to Anomalous Storage in a standard airtight containment safe.
Note: Don’t throw it in the incinerator. God knows what would happen if we did. - JR Brooke
Input: One mirror
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One mirror, visually unchanged. When viewed by an individual, the subject will perceive everything reflected in the mirror as nonexistent, experiencing visual hallucinations. This does not seem to apply to the individual themselves. Effects wear off in correlation to the amount of time in contact with the mirror, lasting from 5 minutes to 7 hours. Incinerated after D-107392 was knocked unconscious by crashing into a nearby doorway.
Input: One mirror
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Several hundred glass shards, arranged in a memetic hazard. Any individual who perceives it will view all smooth surfaces as mirrors. Effect wears off in 30 minutes. Glass shards had no anomalous properties after removal from the symbol.
Test 914-1952
Name: Junior Researcher Elwin
Date: 25/08/2022
Total Items: One Moto Z smartphone with a badly damaged battery, three felt fedoras in various colors
Note: Finally upgraded, maybe 914 can do something pretty with my old phone. - JR Elwin
Input: Aforementioned phone
Setting: Fine
Output: A seven centimeter tall automaton that looks and behaves like a house cat, alongside a heap of plastic scraps and battery chemicals.
Input: One red fedora
Setting: 1:1
Output: One red felt trench coat, sized for a humanoid approximately 35 centimeters tall.
Input: One grey fedora
Setting: Fine
Output: One fedora that launches itself off the head of any person who attempts to wear it.
Input: One black fedora
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A seemingly unchanged fedora. When retrieved by a D-Class, the hat began speaking aloud in a calming male voice. Output appears to be sentient and introduces itself as "Fredric." Placed in anomalous storage.
Test 914-1953
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 01/09/2022
Total Items: Five Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner models manufactured by iRobot
Input: One Roomba model
Setting: 1:1
Output: One robotic model resembling an enlarged specimen of Armadillidium vulgare, more commonly known as pill bugs or roly polies. Aside from the altered shape and method of locomotion, the output performs the same function as the original by cleaning debris from the floor through its oral cavity. When not in use, it curls up into a spherical form.
Input: One Roomba model
Setting: Fine
Output: One Roomba model modified to possess a spring system on its bottom side, allowing it to propel itself upwards in order to traverse raised surfaces such as stairs and countertops. However, the output was not equipped with any method of absorbing impact damage upon colliding with the floor, and was thus rendered nonfunctional after a few uses.
Input: One Roomba model
Setting: Fine
Output: One Roomba model now equipped with spinning blades on its underside, similar to that of a lawnmower. However, due to its size, speed, and relatively small debris cache, the output is largely ineffective at cutting grass on a useful scale.
Input: One Roomba model
Setting: Fine
Output: One smaller Roomba model; parts of the original model's mass were reallocated to form a swiveling top-mounted piece with a long thin barrel extending from it, much like that of a military tank. Upon collecting a certain amount of debris, the output's internal mechanisms will condense it into a small, dense pellet and proceed to fire it from its barrel at a high velocity. Upon impact, the pellet will shatter, scattering debris everywhere.
Input: One Roomba model
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Roomba model that, instead of turning around when met with walls or obstacles, will simply continue to drive through them by means of sheer brute force, destroying them in the process. The output proceeded to put a hole through several walls in the facility before inadvertently driving into the incinerator, which was in use at the time, promptly destroying itself in the process. Testing has been halted for the next few days while the necessary repairs to the building are being made.
Test 914-1954
Name: Researcher Salis
Date: 10/09/2022
Total Items: Five "Animated Spell Cards" for the Dungeons and Dragons spells "Vicious Mockery", "Fireball", "Lightning Bolt", "Hold Person", and "Meteor Swarm"
Input: Aforementioned cards
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Five small, rolled-up plastic scrolls, each labeled with one of the input cards' spells. Opening a scroll appears to cause an effect to occur at some point in the near future that vaguely resembles the description of the spell, after which the scroll spontaneously combusts.
| Spell Name | Effect |
|---|---|
| Vicious Mockery | Five hours after the opening of the scroll, D-42834, who opened the scroll, engaged in a verbal argument with D-58243, culminating in the latter insulting D-42834's appearance and resulting in severe emotional distress. The scroll, which had been placed in Anomalous Storage, spontaneously combusted at this time. |
| Fireball | Two days after the scroll was opened, D-58243, who opened the scroll, was killed while testing a separate output. D-58243's cadaver was incinerated, at which point the scroll spontaneously combusted. |
| Lightning Bolt | The scroll was opened outdoors on a day without rain. Six days later, the site where D-34259 had been standing when they opened the scroll was struck by lightning, at which point the scroll spontaneously combusted. |
| Hold Person | D-97473, who opened the scroll, was diagnosed three days later with multiple sclerosis. As of time of writing, the scroll has not destroyed itself, and it is assumed that the scroll will remain unchanged until D-97473 is completely paralyzed. |
| Meteor Swarm | N/A |
Testing was halted to avoid the possible effects of "Meteor Swarm." The two undestroyed scrolls have been placed in Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1955
Name: Junior Researcher Evangeline Perry
Date: 11/09/2022
Total Items: Three pairs of wooden clogs
Input: One pair of wooden clogs
Setting: 1:1
Output: One pair of wooden Nike Air Max 90.
Note: Even more uncomfortable than actual clogs. - J.R. Perry
Input: One pair of clogs
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden windmill model. The blades will anomalously start spinning, with the speed roughly corresponding to wind speeds outside of the building.
Input: One pair of clogs
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden Dutch barrel organ. The D-Class sent to retrieve the output started singing Dutch songs involuntarily despite having no command of the language. Being of Dutch nationality, J.R. Perry was able to identify the songs as "Heb je even voor mij?" (Do you have a moment for me?) by Frans Bauer, ''Sterrenstof'' (Stardust) by De Jeugd van Tegenwoordig, and "Er staat een paard in de gang" (There is a horse in the hallway) by Andre van Duin. She noted the pronunciation of the Dutch words as "terrible."
Test 914-1956
Name: Junior Researcher S. Reid
Date: 11/09/2022
Total Items: Five 9L aluminium buckets
Note: My transfer request has finally been approved. Hi everyone, I’m Junior Researcher Sam Reid. I was working at Site-19 proper but when I came across these test logs, I had to work here. Looking forward to working with 914. - Junior Researcher S. Reid
Input: One 9L aluminium bucket
Setting: Rough
Output: A puddle of molten aluminium
Input: One 9L aluminium bucket
Setting: Coarse
Output: One ball of aluminium 7 cm in diameter
Input: One 9L aluminium bucket
Setting: 1:1
Output: One aluminium compressed air canister. Testing showed the canister contain exactly 9L of air.
Note: Wow. 914 is already impressing me. Giving me ideas for testing using different substances inside containers. - Junior Researcher S. Reid
Input: One 9L aluminium bucket
Setting: Fine
Output: One aluminium hourglass. Sides are not transparent but when turned there is the sound of sand pouring, presumably made from aluminium. Timer takes exactly 9 minutes.
Input: One 9L aluminium bucket
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One aluminium tube. Item is anomalously resistant to heat and external force. Solid objects pass through the tube unaffected, but when liquids or granular solids, such as sand, are poured into one end of the tube they disappear exactly halfway through. Turning the end of the output over causes it to pour out the substance from the end it was poured into. Each end can have a different substance poured into it but doing so causes the downward facing end to pour out its contents unless a lid or other seal is applied. No limit has been found to the storage capacity of either end of the output. Placed in Anomalous Storage.
Note: Some interesting items on my first test. And not dead. Yet. - Junior Researcher S. Reid
Test 914-1957
Name: Junior Researcher Shion
Date: 16/09/2022
Total Items: Four identical vials containing liquid-form homeopathic remedies for coughing induced by the common cold
Note: Homeopathy is a pseudoscientific alternative medicine. Practitioners of homeopathy believe that "like cures like," or that a substance causing certain symptoms in a healthy individual may alleviate those symptoms in a sick individual. In addition, homeopathy makes wide use of "homeopathic dilution," where said substances are diluted and shaken, and then the process is repeated with a portion of the resulting solution of equal volume to the original, undiluted substance. Dilution is measured with a "C scale," where each additional C indicates a 100-fold dilution. For example, a 1C dilution has been diluted to one part in one hundred, while a 2C dilution has been diluted to one part in 10,000. Highly diluted homeopathic remedies, which are, according to homeopaths, more potent than less diluted ones, may reach up to 300C and contain none of the original substance. For the purposes of this test, these remedies were purchased at 1C dilution from a homeopathy clinic, and the homeopath preparing the medicine was instructed to avoid using any organic ingredients. - JR Shion
Input: One homeopathic remedy
Setting: Coarse
Output: One opened vial, one puddle of liquid containing water and trace amounts of phosphorus, sulfur, and ferrum phosphoricum.
Input: One homeopathic remedy
Setting: Fine
Output: One vial containing a chemically unchanged liquid. Testing with D-Class using 100 μL samples revealed that ingestion results in an intense belief that the subject is infected with the common cold. Symptoms consistent with a cold, such as fever, cough, and sore throat, manifested three hours after ingestion, but no infection was detected. It is unknown if the symptoms were anomalously caused by the solution or were brought on by the placebo effect.
Input: One homeopathic remedy
Setting: Fine
Output: One vial containing a chemically unchanged liquid. Testing with D-Class revealed that ingestion of an amount greater than or equal to 100 μL results in a firm belief in numerous pseudoscientific theories, including but not limited to the Flat Earth theory, the Aquatic Ape hypothesis, and astrology. The effect can be reversed via ingestion of another 100 μL of the liquid. Testing with D-Class already believing in such theories resulted in a loss of said beliefs.
Input: One homeopathic remedy
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One vial containing pure water, one small pellet of phosphorus, sulfur, and ferrum phsophoricum. Solid components are non-anomalous. Testing with D-Class using 100 μL samples revealed that the water may either cause coughing in a healthy individual or alleviate coughing in a sick individual, seemingly at random.
Addendum: Further testing with more accurate dose measurements revealed that ingestion of an even number of nanoliters (rounded to the nearest integer) of the water causes coughing in healthy individuals, while ingestion of an odd number of nanoliters alleviates coughing in sick individuals.
Note: Such a dose is too small to be measured out precisely with common laboratory equipment, resulting in initial tests giving erratic results. The last three outputs have been placed in Anomalous Storage. - JR Shion
Test 914-1958
Name: Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku
Date: 21/09/2022
Total Items: Large detailed folding maps of Seoul, Orlando, and Kathmandu, four copies each
Input: One map of Seoul
Setting: 1:1
Output: A similarly detailed map of Tokyo, published by an unknown company
Input: One map of Orlando
Setting: 1:1
Output: A similarly detailed but outdated map of Orlando that appears to have been published by an unknown company in 1974
Input: One map of Kathmandu
Setting: 1:1
Output: A similarly detailed map of an unknown city, similar in characteristics to various South Asian cities
Input: One map of Seoul
Setting: Fine
Output: A detailed map of a very large city centered around what appears to be modern Seoul, titled "MEGA SEOUL". The geography of the regions outside modern Seoul is entirely fictional, and the map shows the city extending outwards into regions that would in reality be occupied by mountains or ocean.
Input: One map of Orlando
Setting: Fine
Output: An extremely detailed map of the U.S. state of Florida. The details are readable only using a microscope.
Input: One map of Kathmandu
Setting: Fine
Output: A 3D raised relief map of Kathmandu and the surrounding areas
Input: One map of Seoul
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A similarly detailed map of Jeju City, with a cognitohazardous property that compels viewers to travel to various locations within Jeju Province of South Korea. The viewer, before successfully traveling to Jeju, will experience visual and auditory hallucinations informing them about various tourist attractions in Jeju. The effect is reversible via use of amnestics.
Input: One map of Orlando
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A similarly detailed map of Tijuana that appears to dynamically update its appearance whenever there is a change to the actual city. The map features a small animated picture of a stylized palm tree swaying in the wind next to the title.
Input: One map of Kathmandu
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A black-and-white map of Nepal marked with locations of every Foundation secure facility within the country. As the map contains information about highly classified facilities, all viewers of the map who were not of sufficient clearance were amnesticized.
Input: One map each of Seoul, Orlando, and Kathmandu
Setting: Fine
Output: A very large paper airplane painted in various colors. The object was animate and capable of self-sustaining flight. When taken out of the output booth, the object flew around the testing chamber and attempted to escape by forcefully colliding with a window, destroying itself as a result.
Test 914-1959
Name: Junior Researcher Sutherland
Date: 22/09/2022
Total Items: Three clay copies of a mask of Dionysus, covering the entirety of the face, with a large smile and curled hair.
Note: A mask of the Greek god Dionysus was a religious symbol used by actors and worshipers to emulate Dionysus, who was often depicted as a “masked” deity. -JR Sutherland
Input: One aforementioned mask
Setting: Rough
Output: One mask of identical look. Several sections appear to have been damaged by weathering, the broken-off material on the floor of the chamber. Chemical analysis showed qualities compatible with natural weathering typical to where the original artifacts have been found.
Input: One aforementioned mask
Setting: 1:1
Output: One mask, fully intact. However, the mask has been molded to a different deity, with features attributed to the Latin god Bacchus, the romanized version of Dionysus. The facial shape of the mask has been shrunken to add the beard of Bacchus that was not present in the input.
Input: One aforementioned mask
Setting: Fine
Output: One mask, altered so that the lips form a frown, in which a crack is present. Junior Researcher Sutherland surmised by the frown and cracked lips that the mask was “thirsty”. Sutherland decided to test how the mask would react to pouring wine through its mouth section.
| Wine Type | Origin | Effect |
|---|---|---|
| Assyrtiko | Greece | After approximately ten seconds, the mask anomalously moved its facial features into a smile, and the lips molded into a smooth surface. |
| Cabernet | California | The mask moved its face back into a frowning shape. After approximately ten seconds, the mask began to shake violently. After fifteen seconds, the mask shattered, and an odor of burnt grapes was smelled in the testing chamber for the rest of the day. |
Note: Upon further research, the cabernet originated from “Titan Wine Company.” In the most common myth, the goddess Hera convinced the titans to kill Dionysus, ripping him apart. - JR Sutherland
Test 914-1960
Name: Junior Researcher Elwin
Date: 22/09/2022
Total Items: Three hundred packages of peel-and-stick googly eyes
Input: One hundred packs of googly eyes
Setting: 1:1
Output: An assortment of various plastic human body parts including ears, noses, fingers, and lips.
Input: One hundred packs of googly eyes
Setting: Fine
Output: One box of googly eyes with a button on top. When pressed via robot arm, the box detonated, coating every surface in the room with googly eyes that anomalously landed in a way that they would stick to the walls.
Input: One hundred packs of googly eyes
Setting: Fine
Output: One hundred packs of seemingly unchanged googly eyes. Testing revealed that anyone who looks into any eye for longer than three seconds will see all eyes as googly eyes for the next three to six hours.
Test 914-1961
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 06/10/2022
Total Items: Ten standard-issue hacksaw variant bonesaws
Note: I’m well aware that the item line may cause some confusion. To explain, these bonesaws are the variant that resemble hacksaws, and have been around for centuries for amputations. You won’t see these much in medicine now, since reciprocating and sabre saws exist and are far more effective. Outputs will be tested on human bones and pig bones, which will obviously not be connected to their donor. I’m a scientist, not a mad man. - Dr. Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned bonesaws
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of metal shards and shavings
Input: One of the aforementioned bonesaws
Setting: Coarse
Output: A crude bonesaw, the construction of which resembles a “home-made” or amateurish version. Using the item was significantly less effective and almost broke the blade. The item was disposed of via the incinerator.
Input: One of the aforementioned bonesaws
Setting: 1:1
Output: A pair of bone cutters. The collective mass of the output was equal to the bonesaw and the size of the cutters were smaller. Testing found them to function well, especially with smaller bones, namely the phalanges.
Input: One of the aforementioned bonesaws
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical bonesaw. Testing with the bonesaw found it to cut significantly faster than normal, cutting through tissues and sinew within seconds and bones in less than a minute, no matter their density. However, during the procedure, the bones and tissue proceed to haemorrhage at a vastly exceeded rate. Testing with a previously deceased D-Class with an artificial heartbeat found that the body would lose blood at a total of one litre per ~20 seconds.
Note: Before somebody asks, I didn’t kill the D-Class; we had a body in the morgue from a month ago following a spinal procedure for a ruptured disc; an adverse reaction to the anesthetic was to blame. I filed the paperwork and got the permission. - Dr. Rose
Input: Two of the aforementioned bonesaws
Setting: Fine
Output: A large Gigli saw. The total length of the saw measured at 60cm, whereas the bonesaws individually measured at 35cm. Using the saw requires at least two individuals. Testing with the saw found it to function as intended, despite the length far exceeding the necessary requirement. Testing on wooden blocks, refractory bricks and sheet metal found the saw to work with these materials just as effectively. Further testing on harder materials is pending.
Input: Three of the aforementioned bonesaws
Setting: 1:1
Output: An amalgamation in the shape of a bonesaw with extra blades. The handle exhibits various extremities, including points, handguards and an elongated handle. The saw does work, albeit rather awkwardly.
Input: One of the aforementioned bonesaws and the previous output
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A steel medical kit with a slightly larger bonesaw. The medical kit held full steel equipment, including needles, a steel strip resembling gauze, and a small Gigli saw. The bonesaw itself had a steel rose embedded near the handle. Testing found that when an individual holds the saw alone, they will suffer from near asphyxiation, which ceases following releasing the saw. Holding the medical kit gives the subject immediate knowledge of the medical states of all surrounding individuals, even through solid matter. The effect only persists in a radius of roughly 36 meters. Releasing the kit will cause the effect to persist for 4 seconds before dissipating. Holding both items causes the subject to attempt to violently subdue the nearest individual with a severe health condition. Testing cancelled due to the following incident.
Addendum: Testing the effects of both items with a pair of D-Class resulted in the D-Class holding both items viciously subduing and assaulting the other. The affected D-Class proceeded to mount and almost strangle the other to death before collapsing due to a released sleep agent. The bonesaw and medical kit both fell to the ground and were retrieved via an automated drone. Both items are locked away in Anomalous Storage. Both D-Class are currently restrained and recovering in the medical bay; the strangled D-Class has since been diagnosed with severe trachea trauma and a torn larynx. A post-recovery interview is pending.
Note: Before somebody asks, I didn’t kill the D-Class; we had a body in the morgue from a month ago. I filed the paperwork and got the permission. - Dr. Rose
Test 914-1962
Name: Junior Researcher Phanthe Chanelin
Date: 06/10/2022
Total Items: Three brandless stress balls, one red, one blue, one green, each 6cm in diameter
Input: One red stress ball
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two red fidget spinners, non-anomalous. Analysis revealed each was comprised of polyurethane, with the mechanism allowing the spinners to function being unclear.
Note: Request to keep these outputs in the break room for purposes of relieving stress. And perhaps some more stress balls, as I myself have found them fairly useful to that end. - JR Chanelin
Input: One blue stress ball
Setting: Coarse
Output: A sheet of blue malleable material, identified as polyurethane, and a small puddle of an unknown type of gel. Surface area of polyurethane sheet determined to be the same as the original stress ball.
Input: One green stress ball
Setting: Fine
Output: A pile of unknown material, 6cm in diameter, appearing to resemble the original stress ball. Upon further inspection, it was determined that the gel of the stress ball had become anomalously infused with polyurethane. Testing revealed that the material possessed a texture similar to that of SCP-999.
Note: It's a shame that 914 doesn't produce the same output every time. I believe morale would increase quite a bit if we had more of these. Request to retain in Anomalous Storage unless and until no other properties are discovered. - JR Chanelin
Test 914-1963
Name: Intern Robert Wright
Date: 06/10/2022
Total Items: Five copies of a routine site-wide memo regarding on-site codes of conduct, sent by Dr. Veritas
Input: One copy of aforementioned memo
Setting: Rough
Output: Several shredded pieces of paper, each containing one line of the memo. No further changes observed.
Input: Previous input
Setting: Coarse
Output: A hollow sculpture of Dr. Veritas's face, made of paper of an unknown thickness. Output fell apart when retrieved from the output booth, due to the thinness of the paper and lack of binding agents.
Input: Previous input
Setting: 1:1
Output: One paper step pyramid, hollow inside. The outside of the pyramid was completely free of ink, with the paper surrounding the center of the pyramid covered with the ink.
Input: Previous input
Setting: Fine
Output: A slightly carbonized emulsified wood compound, saturated throughout with the components of the ink on the paper used as the input. The output produces or causes a yet-to-be-identified memetic/cognitohazardous effect to change the viewpoint of any member of the species Homo Sapiens so as to make them hold the belief that clinical tone means that the subject writing the report in question must write the report to be as verbose as possible, as well as using run-on sentences. The altered clinical tone in question affecting the subject is similar in nature (I.E. using previously mentioned run-on sentences and maximum possible verbosity within the writing) to that of which a 13-year old would believe acts as an effective, functioning, and acceptable clinical tone. Output has been subjected to heat of approximately 230 degrees Celsius; neutralization and incineration deemed successful, with no further actions deemed necessary.
Input: Aforementioned input
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The same paper, but with the all the ink compressed to the words "Explain yourself." Contact with the paper produces a compulsion to confess everything the holder has done and feels guilt for. Confiscated from Intern Wright by the security team after he began to confess stealing candy from a supermarket when he was 7, after numerous other self-perceived crimes. Kept for interrogation purposes Confiscated by Dr. Veritas for unknown purposes.
Note: 914 seems to… I don't know if "like" is the right word for what it feels about Dr. Veritas. Perhaps it's tolerate? It might have been the content of the memos that it appreciated. - Intern Wright
Note: Given that it hasn't yet been destroyed because of our safety protocols, it wouldn't surprise me. Having said that, please don't ascribe feelings to it. Even if it is sentient, which we don't know if it is, that would be presumptuous. - Veritas
Test 914-1964
Name: Researcher Salis
Date: 07/10/2022
Total Items: One bottle of supercooled water at -35°C
Input: One bottle of supercooled water
Setting: Fine
Output: One small plastic aquarium, filled with supercooled water. Striking the surface of the aquarium resulted in a number of animate, fish-shaped ice sculptures forming inside the water from the point of impact. The fish appeared to "swim" in the liquid for five minutes, before gradually melting as the water temperature increased to match its surroundings. Output incinerated after the effect consistently failed to manifest upon the water temperature reaching 0°C.
Test 914-1965
Name: Junior Researcher Shion
Date: 07/10/2022
Total Items: Five 100 kg steel cubes, five aluminum canisters of nitrogen, five aluminum canisters of oxygen, three blocks of graphite, three vulcanized rubber bottles containing water
Note: In light of the results of Test 914-1874, I will be testing to see if "inputting" thermal energy into SCP-914 yields any effect on the output. Test 914-1256 and Test 914-1298 indicate that increased illumination of the input may increase the degree of physical changes made and complexity of the final output. I hypothesize that increased thermal energy will increase the degree of chemical changes and the potential energy of the final output. Thermal energy will be provided with a steel block heated prior to input. - JR Shion
Input: One aluminum canister of nitrogen, one aluminum canister of oxygen, one steel cube heated to 500°C
Setting: 1:1
Output: One aluminum canister containing nitrogen and oxygen gas, and one aluminum canister containing numerous different nitrous oxides in gaseous form. One steel cube heated to 155.2°C.
Note: Nitrous oxide is a less thermodynamically stable compound than pure nitrogen or oxygen gas. In other words, nitrous oxide is higher in potential energy than nitrogen and oxygen gas. - JR Shion
Input: One aluminum canister of nitrogen, one aluminum canister of oxygen, one steel cube heated to 500°C
Setting: 1:1
Output: One aluminum sphere heated to 173.5°C. One larger steel canister containing ozone and nitrogen gas at room temperature.
Note: Ozone is a less stable compound than pure oxygen gas. My hypothesis seems to be correct so far. I will be adding more elements for the following tests, including carbon in the form of graphite and hydrogen in the form of H2O. As this may result in potentially more hazardous or unstable chemicals being created, the temperature of the steel cube will be lowered as a precaution against combustion or explosion. - JR Shion
Input: One aluminum canister of nitrogen, one aluminum canister of oxygen, one block of graphite, one rubber bottle containing water, one steel cube heated to 250°C
Setting: 1:1
Output: A set of aluminum test tubes, lined and capped with rubber. The test tubes were arranged within a rust-covered steel apparatus. Each test tube was found to contain a solution of various amino acids at 43°C. All of the amino acids created were composed of only nitrogen, oxygen, and carbon, with the sulfur-containing amino acids methionine and cysteine being absent.
Input: One aluminum canister of nitrogen, one aluminum canister of oxygen, one block of graphite, one rubber bottle containing water, one steel cube heated to 250°C
Setting: 1:1
Output: One pile of aluminum ingots, heated to 32°C, one large rubber balloon containing nitrogen and carbon monoxide gas, and one set of steel rods arranged in a pattern resembling the universal hazard symbol. Upon further analysis, each steel rod was determined to contain a miniscule quantity of trinitrotoluene (TNT) at its core.
Input: One aluminum canister of nitrogen, one aluminum canister of oxygen, one block of graphite, one rubber bottle containing water, one steel cube heated to 250°C
Setting: 1:1
Output: One large ferroaluminum alloy box, sealed with sulfur-free rubber. All components were outputted at room temperature. The box contained an aqueous solution of various proteins, with functions that have yet to be determined.
Addendum: Further analysis revealed that the protein solution consists of a mixture of restriction enzymes and proteases, enzymes specialized for digesting DNA and proteins, respectively. Testing revealed that the proteases are specialized to digest keratin, while the restriction enzymes selectively targeted DNA sequences unique to the human genome.
Note: It took the sulfur from the rubber to make the necessary sulfur-containing amino acids. A mixture of enzymes that destroys skin and human DNA. That's… somewhat terrifying. - JR Shion
Test 914-1966
Name: Junior Researcher Liz Hammond
Date: 03/10/2022
Total Items: 6 Five large red rubber balls, each with two simple antimemetic symbols printed on each side that prevents the ball from being visually perceived
Input: One rubber ball with antimemetic symbols
Setting: 1:1
Output: A red rubber cube, each face printed with an antimemetic symbol that prevents the cube from being tactilely perceived while it is in view
Note: Holding this cube feels very strange. - Hammond
Input: One rubber ball with antimemetic symbols
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two smaller rubber balls, each printed with one unchanged antimemetic symbol. The balls can only be perceived from the side not printed with the symbol.
Input: One rubber ball with antimemetic symbols
Setting: Fine
Output: A rubber cylinder with both faces printed with a complex antimemetic symbol that causes viewers to forget about the existence of the cylinder for the duration of the viewing. The object was retrieved by a blindfolded D-99880 and placed into storage.
Input: One rubber ball with antimemetic symbols
Setting: Fine
Output: One smaller plain rubber ball with no external markings, and another similar rubber ball with a slit on the side printed with two unchanged antimemetic symbols. The latter ball was animate and capable of rolling movement, and its slit acted as a claw or mouth that would attempt to grab onto any object around it.
Addendum: After 'biting' the finger of D-99880 who was retrieving the visible ball, the object was shaken off and was unable to be located for approximately 13 minutes, during which time Research Cell 109-B was put on lockdown. It was eventually located on the floor of the room using a low-resolution camera and incinerated.
Note: This demonstrates how risky an antimemetic output can potentially be. If the invisible ball had instead been something more dangerous, the situation could have ended up very badly. This one was clearly just the result of J.R. Hammond using an antimemetic input, but remember that 914 can sometimes make antimemetic outputs unprompted. Due to potential risks, only one Very Fine test will be conducted instead of the originally planned two. - Researcher Belopaku
Input: One rubber ball with antimemetic symbols
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A retrofuturistic 'raygun' made entirely of red rubber with the words "Invisi-Gun" printed onto both sides. When the object is pointed at a solid surface and its trigger is pulled, a small area of the surface around the targeted point will temporarily be unable to be visually perceived for approximately 3 hours.
Test 914-1967
Name: Dr. Ari Marlon
Date: 09/10/2022
Total Items: Three expired passports belonging to Dr. Marlon
Input: One passport
Setting: Coarse
Output: One crudely made passport
Input: One passport
Setting: 1:1
Output: One "Wanted" poster for a fictional person named "Jorji Costava"
Input: One passport
Setting: Fine
Output: One passport that when held, will correct all personalized information to that of the holder.
Note: The output will always have an expiration date of one day before the current date, making it useless as a valid document. - Dr. Marlon
Note: Yes, and it might also freak out the border control officer when the passport spontaneously changes if they check the document. - Veritas
Test 914-1968
Name: Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku
Date: 11/10/2022
Total Items: Five small aluminium ingots and five small glass vials containing diluted samples of the experimental olfactory cognitohazardous substance TQ014-B, designed to cause humans who smell it to temporarily lose the ability to recognize faces
Note: Olfactory cognitohazards are substances that, instead of chemically interacting with the body directly, causes specific olfactory stimuli that manipulate the nervous system in anomalous ways. As such substances are by definition volatile, rigid precautions were taken during all steps of the experiment to minimize exposure to all involved personnel (though TQ014-B is relatively harmless). - Belopaku
Input: One aluminium ingot, one vial of TQ014-B
Setting: 1:1
Output: A differently shaped glass vial filled with solid aluminium, and a slightly smaller aluminium ingot in a puddle of TQ014-B solution
Input: One aluminium ingot, one vial of TQ014-B
Setting: 1:1
Output: One vial of a non-anomalous solution containing ████████████████, ██████████, and ██████████████████, and an aluminium handheld mirror with an irregular surface, presumably designed to distort the face of the user
Note: The composition of the output solution has been redacted, as the components of TQ014-B are classified. - Belopaku
Input: One aluminium ingot, one vial of TQ014-B
Setting: Fine
Output: An aluminium spray can with a glass nozzle, containing a small amount of an unknown liquid substance. When the output booth was opened, the nozzle was pressed down, spraying the entirety of the substance into the air. The substance was too dilute for anyone to be affected by its presumable effects, and analysis of trace chemicals on the floor have not yielded any meaningful results.
Input: One aluminium ingot, one vial of TQ014-B
Setting: Fine
Output: An aluminium dish with a glass rim, containing a solution of a previously undocumented olfactory cognitohazardous mixture that causes humans who smell it to temporarily believe that their teeth are falling out.
Input: One aluminium ingot, one vial of TQ014-B
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An aluminium sphere with a hollow inside containing an unknown liquid. The aluminium has been hardened enough to be practically unbreakable. The object has an anomalous property that, when held by a human, their face will become permanently unable to be recognized by others.
Note: Very luckily, nobody was unintentionally exposed to the object, due to the precautions being taken while handling the output. D-99906 was intentionally exposed to the object as a part of testing, and fortunately there has been no actual alteration to his face structure. - Belopaku
Test 914-1969
Name: Junior Researcher Davidson
Date: 13/10/2022
Total Items: Three games for the game console Nintendo Switch: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, The Witcher 3 and NBA 2K23
Input: One copy of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Setting: Coarse
Output: The case and the cartridge cut in half
Input: One copy of The Witcher 3
Setting: 1:1
Output: The case with the name of the game changed to “The Switcher 3”
Note: “The Switcher 3” is a nickname for the Nintendo Switch version of the game. - JR Davidson
Input: One copy of NBA 2K23
Setting: Fine
Output: Visually unchanged case and cartridge. When the cartridge was put into a console and the game was launched, it was discovered that there is a menu that allows for the selection and download of all released NBA 2K games. After downloading all of the games, it was discovered that the games cannot be played due to the controls not being optimized for Nintendo Switch except for NBA 2K18 through NBA 2K23.
Note: The first NBA 2K game ever released was NBA 2K, and the first NBA 2K game released for Nintendo Switch was NBA 2K18. - JR Davidson
Note: Fascinating, Davidson. - Veritas
Test 914-1970
Name: Junior Researcher Arcadia
Date: 21/10/2022
Total Items: Five walnut cutting boards
Input: One walnut cutting board
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of wood ash
Input: One walnut cutting board
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small pile of dried wood glue, a puddle of mineral oil, and a stack of unsanded walnut wood pieces
Input: One walnut cutting board
Setting: 1:1
Output: One cherry wood cutting board
Input: One walnut cutting board
Setting: Fine
Output: A cutting board. Engraved on its face are the words "Stability Board". After placing the cutting board on surfaces of materials that are typically used for kitchen counters, such as marble or granite, the cutting board will lock itself in place when a person is unintentionally about to exert a force on it. When cutting on it, any imperfect usage of a knife or sharp object that would normally cause the board to slide around or move abruptly will not have any effect on the cutting board.
Input: One walnut cutting board
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A wood board. Engraved on its face is text in an unknown language. When placing food items on the board they get instantaneously prepared in varying ways.
Addendum:
| Food Type | Result |
| Roma tomato | Diced into 1.5 cm cubes. |
| Red Onion | Sliced lengthwise into 1/4 cm thick pieces. |
| Jalapeño | Sliced into eighths with the ribs and seeds separated. |
| Hothouse Cucumber | Cross-cut thinly into multiple cylindrical slices. |
| Russet Potato | Cubed into 3 cm pieces. |
| Food Type | Result |
| Blueberry Muffin | Cut into fourths. |
| Block of Sharp Cheddar Cheese | Grated into 5 cm long pieces. |
| Boiled Egg | Cut into half centimeter slices. |
| King Salmon (Raw) | Filleted with the bones and head separated. |
| Plucked Turkey (Raw) | Carved into 2 drumsticks, wings, thighs, and breasts, and a carcass. |
| Food Type | Result |
| Strip Steak (Cooked Rare) | Cut into 1/4 cm slices against the grain. |
| Rack of Pork Ribs (Raw) | All ribs separated from rack and placed into a pile. |
| Pork Liver (Raw) | Cut into 1/2 cm slices with the outer membrane removed. |
| Human Hand (Raw) | Fingers and thumb separated into a pile with the palm filleted at the thenar eminence. |
| [DATA EXPUNGED] | [DATA EXPUNGED] |
Note: Item has been successfully incinerated. All personnel with prolonged exposure are to report any cannibalistic thoughts and be given Class-B amnestics. - Junior Researcher Arcadia
Test 914-1971
Name: Intern Robert Wright
Date: 31/10/2022
Total Items: Three LED strobe lights
Note: I have these extra ones because of a Halloween party mix-up. Due to the risk of 914-induced blindness or seizures or anything of that ilk, all testing of outputs will be conducted by a D-Class in a sealed room. I will be monitoring the tests through a black-and-white camera and two-way microphone. - Intern Robert Wright
Input: One LED strobe light
Setting: 1:1
Output: A visibly unchanged strobe light. When tested by D-95718, no visible change occurred. Further analysis indicated that the strobe light was emitting large amounts of gamma radiation. D-95718 showed no signs of injury or radiation poisoning, possibly because of the short exposure time to the radiation.
Input: One LED strobe light
Setting: Fine
Output: A black rectangle visually resembling the input with circuitry visible, altered to produce more thermal energy than light and a continuous glow. When tested by D-95718, the output radiated light measuring less than 1.6 lumens, while the input produced 400. However, the surface temperature of the LEDs increased rapidly, reaching a temperature of 90.5 degrees Celsius after five minutes of use.
Input: One LED strobe light
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually unchanged strobe light. When activated, D-95718 reported that they were unable to move during the periods of time that the light was shining. Testing with multiple D-Class found that a random person will be teleported to a different location during every period of darkness, with all other people in the vicinity unable to move. All anomalous effects ceased once the power to the room was cut and the light was deactivated.
Note: That last output would be one heck of a haunted house decoration… Setting aside the risks to the veil, the Foundation's secrecy, the well-being of the visitors, and the fact that it's anomalous, of course. - Intern Robert Wright
Test 914-1972
Name: Senior Researcher Wilson
Date: 28/10/2022
Total Items: Five aluminum canisters of nitrogen, five aluminum canisters of oxygen, five blocks of graphite, five plastic bottles containing water, five piles of red phosphorus, five cubes of crystalline sulfur, five steel cubes
This test was conducted with approval from the O5 Council, at a vote of 8-4, 1 abstaining. The testing chamber was hermetically sealed prior to each test, and a D-Class equipped with HAZMAT gear was assigned to retrieve the outputs. Testing equipment has been supplied to remotely screen the outputs prior to removal from the chamber, and a disposal site has been established within the chamber should the output not prove safe to remove.
Note: Test 914-1965 appears to suggest that inputting thermal energy in the form of heated objects results in the creation of more chemically complex molecules, such as proteins. Abiogenesis, the origin of life on Earth, involved two steps: the creation of such complex molecules, and the rearrangement of these molecules into complex formations such as cell membranes. I will be attempting to use SCP-914 to create a living organism. The six elements of life, which are carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphorus, and sulfur, will be supplied in the input. Thermal energy for the creation of complex molecules will be supplied in the form of heated metal blocks, while the rearrangement of the molecules into complex formations will be encouraged by increasing illumination, as per Test 914-1256 and Test 914-1298. "Life" will be defined using the seven characteristics of all living organisms: cells, reproductive ability, growth/development, metabolism, response to the environment, adaptation, and homeostasis. - SR Wilson
Input: One canister of nitrogen, one canister of oxygen, one block of graphite, one plastic bottle containing water, one pile of red phosphorus, one cube of crystalline sulfur, one steel cube heated to 250°C
Setting: Fine
Illuminance: 1000 lux
Output: One large steel tank containing phosphorus pentoxide powder, solid sulfur trioxide polymer, and high-pressure nitrogen dioxide gas. One translucent tube of crystalline aluminum oxide, containing an aqueous solution of numerous identical multi-protein complexes. The protein complexes are capable of self-replication when supplied with amino acids, synthesizing new proteins from the amino acids to create copies of themselves that self-assemble into new, identical complexes.
Note: As expected, the higher temperatures in the input caused SCP-914 to produce complex molecules. These proteins could be considered capable of reproduction, but they exhibit none of the other characteristics of life. I will increase the illumination of the input in hopes of producing better results. - SR Wilson
Input: Same as previous input
Setting: Fine
Illuminance: 5000 lux
Output: A 2 centimeter diameter cylinder of microscopic carbon polymer tubes, "planted" upright in a steel-aluminum alloy pot and topped with a porous sphere of activated charcoal. The pot contains an aqueous mixture of phosphorus oxide powder and ammonium sulfate, which is constantly and anomalously being drawn out of the pot up through the cylinder. Upon reaching the sphere, the water exits through the pores in the charcoal and flows back into the pot. Analysis reveals that the walls of the tubes contain enzymes that use atmospheric carbon dioxide dissolved in the liquid to produce new carbon polymer tubes, as well as oxygen gas.
Note: A more structurally complex output, which exhibits growth but none of the other characteristics. Increasing illumination to 10000 lux. - SR Wilson
Input: Same as previous input
Setting: Fine
Illuminance: 10000 lux
Output: A large aluminum canister lined with vulcanized (sulfur-containing) rubber, filled with hydrogen peroxide solution. The canister also contained 100 small steel spheres, which were each found to have internal structures similar to modern aluminum-nitrogen batteries. Running an electric current through the spheres results in the battery being charged, and causes the spheres to become anomalously animate. When charged in such a manner, the spheres will move towards one another to achieve physical contact, upon which they adhere to each other. In this state, the spheres act in unison in a manner akin to colonial slime molds, rearranging their positions relative to one another to seek out sources of electrical current and recharge. When forcibly prevented from recharging, the batteries contained within the spheres are eventually depleted, and the anomalous effects cease until recharged.
Note: A very promising result. The output exhibits response to the environment. It is also made out of smaller units, and uses electrical energy. While not quite the same as true cells or metabolism, this is a step in the correct direction. - SR Wilson
Input: Same as previous input
Setting: Fine
Illuminance: 15000 lux
Output: An animate pile of odorous translucent slime, composed of an aqueous solution of hydrogen sulfide and nitrous oxide, with a solid steel-aluminum alloy sphere encased in collagen and various other structural proteins in its center. The entity was held together with an anomalously high viscosity and surface tension. Upon being removed from the Output booth, the entity extended numerous pseudopod-like growths and ensnared nearby water-containing sanitization equipment, and quickly began to expand in size. The D-Class in charge of output removal and inspection, D-86469, was ordered to approach the entity and freeze it using a nearby container of liquid nitrogen. Upon D-86469 coming within 3 meters of the entity, it ceased the absorption of water from equipment and ensnared D-86469's leg, at which point D-86469 became distressed and kicked the metal sphere, removing it from the slime. Following this, the anomalous surface tension ceased and the entity "collapsed."
Note: This is the first output to exhibit two of the characteristics of life: growth and response to the environment. The cell has been thoroughly cleaned, and equipment has been replaced before the next test.
Input: Same as previous input
Setting: Fine
Illuminance: 20000 lux
Output: One translucent Petri dish-shaped container composed of crystalline aluminum oxide, containing a polysaccharide slab similar in composition to agar, which is enriched with various amino acids and metal ions. A colony of a prokaryotic, single-celled microbe, hereafter referred to as Microbe A, is present on the polysaccharide growth medium. Microbe A is motile, with a cell wall and plasma membrane similar to known bacterial cells, but has flagella, ribosomes, genetic information, and a metabolism similar to members of the kingdom Archaea. Microbe A is incapable of reproduction, but is also incapable of aging, making it biologically immortal. Microbe A appears to actively search for tin and copper metal atoms, as well as cellulose, enveloping them upon contact. These substances are then stored within an organelle of currently unknown function. Following a period of seemingly random cellular movement, the substances are then expelled from the cell and deposited, and the process repeats. Notably, Microbe A will never envelop the same metal atom/cellulose molecule that has been enveloped before (even by a different Microbe A cell), and always moves to a different location in search of said substances.
Addendum: 10 days after removal from the output booth, it was noticed that the deposition of metal atoms and cellulose was creating microscopic patterns in the growth medium. Careful analysis revealed that the gradual rearrangement of these substances was slowly recreating a 1:1 scale model of a section of SCP-914, with the metal atoms being used to recreate clockwork components and the cellulose being used to recreate wood and cloth. It is believed that, if presented with a large enough area and sufficient materials, Microbe A will produce a 1:1 replica of the entire SCP-914 in approximately thirteen millennia.
Note: Microbe A has been placed in a sealed container of solid growth medium and is currently being held in Anomalous Storage. Further research is on hold pending O5 approval. This output exhibits all of the characteristics of life except for reproduction, although I can't help but wonder if this is 914's method of reproducing itself. - SR Wilson
Test 914-1973
Name: Junior Researcher Nemo
Date: 01/11/2022
Total Items: Two pieces of blue origami paper, one NSK-brand ball bearing, one copy of the blueprints for the atomic bomb "Little Boy”, one copy of the blueprints for the atomic bomb “Fat Man”
Note: Greetings. I have been assigned here following my promotion to Junior Researcher and am looking forward to working here with the rest of you. I have read through the test logs beforehand so I have a brief idea on what to expect for each output. – J.R. Nemo
Input: One piece of blue origami paper
Setting: Rough
Output: Shredded pieces of blue paper. The tears found on the paper were found to be consistent with those made by a human.
Input: One NSK-brand ball bearing
Setting: Coarse
Output: Two metal rings, with the smaller ring resting within the larger ring. 10 ball bearings. A small puddle of liquid, later verified via laboratory tests to be lubricant.
Input: One piece of blue origami paper
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of blue origami paper of different length and breadth but with the same surface area as the input.
Note: So far, all of the outputs were within expectations. I have noticed that the more hazardous outputs tend to come from the Fine and Very Fine settings, so I will be taking cover behind a riot shield for the next two tests. - J.R. Nemo
Input: One copy of the blueprints for the atomic bomb “Little Boy”
Setting: Fine
Output: One copy of blueprints for a warhead, which is to be powered by a currently unknown compound known as “cordium”. No anomalous properties observed. Object incinerated.
Note: Cordium is a crystalline compound from the video game Project Wingman, where it is used as the main source of energy. It is also very volatile and can react on itself and ignite if not handled properly, causing catastrophic amounts of destruction. I am incinerating the blueprints because the last thing the Foundation needs is a warhead capable of turning an entire continent into a flaming wasteland. In light of this output, I am cancelling the test to put the blueprints of “Fat Man” into 914 on Very Fine. – J.R. Nemo
Test 914-1974
Name: Junior Researcher Joseph Carpenter
Date: 26/11/2022
Total Items: One Polaroid Amigo 620 instant film camera
Input: Aforementioned camera
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged camera, excluding the label and number which now read "Friend" instead of "Amigo", and "3-5" instead of "620". The film counter, which tells the user how many photos they have left, has been replaced with an infinity symbol. Despite this, the camera still only allows for the standard eight shots per pack of rebranded Polaroid 600 instant film, and 10 shots for older packs of original Polaroid 600 instant film. Each dark slide released from the camera when a new pack is inserted will now have a replaced line of text on it that reads a random quote about friendship. Photos taken with the camera will show a random friend or set of friends of the operator seamlessly incorporated into them. Objects in the photos will appear manipulated, moved, or outright removed in order to accommodate this.
Note: I even took a photo in complete darkness, and the photo showed an old friend of mine from high school along with Junior Researcher Shion posing as retro astronauts. - JR Carpenter
Test 914-1975
Name: Dr. Magus
Date: 27/11/2022
Total Items: Eight empty glass microscope slides
Note: This test will examine SCP-914's effect on the idea of life. No biological inputs will be used, but appropriate precautions will be taken as if such a test were being conducted. D-8151 will be assisting with these tests. For the first four tests, they have been told (truthfully) that the slides are sterile. - Dr. Magus
Input: One microscope slide
Setting: 1:1
Output: A miniature petri dish.
Input: One microscope slide
Setting: 1:1
Output: A tiny glass bottle.
Input: One microscope slide
Setting: Fine
Output: A highly detailed glass anatomical model of an octopus eye.
Input: One microscope slide
Setting: Fine
Output: A miniature microscope, complete with a tiny slide.
Note: For the next four tests, D-8151 has been informed that the slides contain samples of harmless human gut bacteria. - Dr. Magus
Input: One microscope slide
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small glass sphere, etched with a generic "biohazard" symbol.
Input: One microscope slide
Setting: 1:1
Output: A glass disk, etched with a pattern of concentric circles evoking an optical illusion of movement.
Input: One microscope slide
Setting: Fine
Output: A slide which appeared identical to the input. Upon inspection, it was found to contain a complex assembly of microscopic glass gears.
Input: One microscope slide
Setting: Fine
Output: A small, anomalously mobile set of wind up teeth. The output attacked D-8151, inflicting several minor puncture wounds to the hands before being terminated by impact with testing chamber floor.
Note: D-8151 has been sent to the infirmary for wound treatment. All outputs have been incinerated. - Dr. Magus
Test 914-1976
Name: J.R. Walker
Date: 28/11/2022
Total Items: One 1cm cube of cobalt, one 1cm cube of nickel, one 1cm cube of copper, one 1cm cube of zinc, one 1cm cube of gallium encased in a thin layer of glass, and one 1cm cube of germanium encased in a thin layer of glass.
Input: 1cm cube of cobalt
Setting: Fine
Output: A 1.4cm cube of red cobalt(II) nitrate. Nitrogen and oxygen from the atmosphere in the input are likely included in the output. Anything that touches it gets stained red, and the stain is difficult to remove. The floor of the Output Booth had to be scoured with a steel sponge, as the stain could not be removed with any common solvent.
Note: Somehow, D-20932's hands got stained through the gloves. I'm sure it'll be gone in a few days, but she should be sent to medical after this round of testing, just to be sure. I'm getting tired of getting nitrates and oxides, so for my remaining tests using these cubes of elements, the air will be pumped out using an airtight container I found that fits over the Input Booth. - J.R. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of nickel under vacuum
Setting: Fine
Output: A nickel antenna, visually similar to those in consumer cellular devices, except for the fact that it's shaped as an equilateral triangle. The fractal pattern appears to continue at least beyond the extent at which it can be detected with an optical microscope. It appears to be capable of picking up a wide band of frequencies, from 120MHz on the low end, to at least 600ZHz on the high end. Output was folded and crushed repeatedly.
Note: I'm sure this thing would've got us into hot water with the FCC, if we tried to use it. - J.R. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of copper under vacuum
Setting: Fine
Output: 10m spool of fine copper wire. The copper wire appears to have no resistance, thus being a superconductor. The multimeter used for testing the wire's electrical properties began heating up significantly during testing. Taking it apart, it was found that the battery's electrolyte had vaporized, causing it to swell. Further testing pending permission.
Input: 1cm cube of zinc under vacuum
Setting: Fine
Output: The output booth has been thoroughly searched, but nothing was found. The scrape marks left in the floor of the output booth, along with a few other scratches and dings from previous testing, seems to have disappeared.
Note: It is hypothesized that SCP-914 assimilated the zinc to repair the brass floor of the booth. There is still some sign of wear, but there's only so much one cubic centimeter of zinc can do for it. Due to the nature of SCP-914, I doubt it can be relied on to consistently self-repair when given brass or its components. - J.R. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of glass-encased gallium under vacuum
Setting: Fine
Output: A small dish of pure silicon with a tiny bead of melted gallium. The gallium doesn't stick as would be expected, instead behaving more like liquid mercury in the fact that it remained clumped up in a bead. When left sitting out, it did not turn back into a solid. The nickel from before was retrieved and dissolved into it. The resulting alloy has been discarded.
Input: 1cm cube of glass-encased germanium under vacuum
Setting: Fine
Output: A small, round mirror with 10cm² area. Items reflected in it appear in black and white. Reflected items and persons do not show the signs of age and wear in their reflection. The reflection of SCP-914 shows a large [REDACTED] attached to the [REDACTED] of the machine.
Note: I did not know it had one of those. - J.R. Walker
Test 914-1977
Name: J.R. Walker
Date: 29/11/2022
Total Items: Four metal storage lockers, five metal lockboxes
Note: When I went to put the superconducting wire from yesterday's test into storage, I realized that the storage room is nearing capacity. My goal for today is to try my luck at making something to help with this. I know there's always the incinerator, but certain things in there would no doubt damage it. - J.R. Walker
Input: One storage locker
Setting: 1:1
Output: One metal ice chest
Input: The above ice chest
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One metal mini-fridge. Fridge has anomalous cooling properties, despite appearing non-functional. Opening the fridge causes frigid vapor to pour out from no discernible source, the likely cause being water vapor. The mini-fridge is found to freeze the air that enters it.
Note: When shown to Dr. Veritas, we could not open the freezer again, even with the strongest D-Class afforded to us prying on it with a crowbar. It's unclear whether it froze shut or is held shut by a vacuum.
Input: One storage locker
Setting: Fine
Output: One storage locker. The locking mechanism has been replaced with a standard Foundation keycard reader, except it's made entirely of iron. The keycard reader is not functional, meaning the locker cannot be opened without forceful entry.
Input: One storage locker
Setting: 1:1
Output: One filing cabinet with three drawers and built-in racks for hooked folders to hang from.
Input: One lockbox
Setting: Fine
Output: One lockbox. Its internal lining is missing, instead having a grid of slots for sorting small items in. D-20932 was instructed to sort a sewing kit into the box, but she kept misplacing items and mixing them up. The output seemingly produces a cognitohazardous effect in which items placed in the slots are completely forgotten about, as is the slot itself.
Input: One lockbox
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One miniature safe. Its locking mechanism is non-functional, and anyone can open it. There appears to be a 30% chance that when it is opened, it is empty. Items lost to it are never recovered.
Input: One lockbox
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One lockbox made of an unusually durable steel alloy. Any attempt to crush, dent, or pierce the box's wall is met with almost one hundred percent of the force being reflected. Dropping the box from a height of 150 centimeters results in it bouncing like rubber for nearly sixteen minutes, before coming to rest on the floor. The locking mechanism does not fit the key that came with the input, nor does the lock match any known type of lock. It cannot be opened by any known means.
Input: One lockbox and its key
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One thin metal locking briefcase. It appears to be a normal non-anomalous metal briefcase when opened. When an object is placed inside, any attempt to fit a different object in as well would result in the briefcase failing to close. An object larger than the briefcase can be inserted into the briefcase, and the briefcase will still close and latch with some effort.
Note: I somehow got the janitor's ladder into this thing, despite not being able to fit two lab coats inside. Don't worry, the janitor got his ladder back afterwards. - J.R. Walker
Input: One lockbox and its key
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A lockbox with the words "Void Vault". When opened, some air was sucked into the box. Multiple items were placed into the lockbox, but it became clear that they could not be retrieved. A geolocator was dropped into the box, and the signal was soon lost. An autonomous drone with an attached cable was sent into the box to explore. After thirty seconds, the cable fell slack. After fifteen minutes, the cable was withdrawn. The end of the cable appears as if it was stretched and snapped. The drone wasn't recovered. The box was then locked.
Test 914-1978
Name: Researcher Laskenta, Ms. Sophia Elinvo
Date: 01/12/2022
Total Items: None. See note.
Note: In order to ascertain more data about 914's ability to process thoughts, former Senior Researcher Elinvo, who suffers from severe dementia, will provide us with inputs today. She graciously decided to donate her body and mind when she retired 7 years ago. All present personnel will ensure her well-being and survival. Due to her age and the nature of this test, neither mnestics nor adrenaline have been administered. - Laskenta
Input: Nothing. Ms. Elinvo had been asked to imagine her keys in the Input booth. She was allowed to keep them at her and examine them at any time during the test.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Nothing. Ms. Elinvo reported to imagine her keys in the Output booth and began to recount a memory of how a fellow student named Albert repeatedly stole her utensils, including her keys. She was unable to recall that Mr. Albert Muiden had been her divorced husband. Despite her dementia, Ms. Elinvo showed no sign of distraction during the narration nor did her story change when prompted to relate it again. It has been noted that she absentmindedly puts her keyring at or onto the thumb while talking about this story.
Input: Nothing. Ms. Elinvo had been shown a metal mug filled with water and was asked to imagine it in the Input booth. The mug was kept in the same room, but swapped with an empty ceramic one without her knowing during the refinement process.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Nothing. Ms. Elinvo imagined a deformed mug and a pot of tea in the Output booth. While using words like "dented", which imply a metallic composition, she attributed the mug's white colour to either porcelain or ceramic due to uncertainty. Upon enquiry, Ms. Elinvo asserted that the only metal part of the output is the handle of the teapot. The teapot was noted to contain cold water.
Input: Nothing. Ms. Elinvo had been shown an umbrella and was asked to imagine it in the Input booth. The umbrella was removed from the room after the booth closed.
Setting: 1:1
Output: SCP-914 refined for a total of 27 minutes before gradually coming to a halt. The Output booth did not open until the next refinement process concluded. Ms. Elinvo and Researcher Laskenta were in a casual conversation during the refinement process and did not notice its end, however, Researcher Laskenta remarked the extended machining time once. After being interrupted by present personnel, Ms. Elinvo enquired about the current test object and was not able to recall having seen any umbrella in the room.
Addendum: On 06/12/2022 at 07:37, a non-Foundation doctor pronounced Ms. Elinvo dead due to old age of 92, after she had been found in her bed by Ms. Robin Muiden, her daughter-in-law. In consideration of Ms. Elinvo's frequent involvement in testing with anomalous objects in the past 2 years and the conclusion of a body donation, her corpse had been collected from the local funeral home without incidents. Ms. Elinvo's relatives, none of which are employed by the Foundation, have already been informed about her donation prior to her death (see Document SElinvo-66135-C5). The official funeral service will be held on 28/12/2022. As to partially grant Ms. Muiden's wish, a replication of the keys, which have been found in Ms. Elinvo's left hand upon her passing, will be added to the gravesite.
Test 914-1979
Name: Dr. Neil Leinnes
Date: 03/12/2022
Total Items: Five wooden crosses, typical icons of Christian religion.
Input: One wooden cross
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of ash
Input: One wooden cross
Setting: Coarse
Output: Two small pieces of wood.
Input: One wooden cross
Setting: 1:1
Output: One wooden Star of David.
Input: One wooden cross
Setting: Fine
Output: One wooden cross. The words “Jesus loves you” were burned into it.
Input: One wooden cross
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The same cross, but with the ability to fly, produce yellow light, and speak. It proclaimed itself as a “Destroyer of Sin” and hovered near Dr. Leinnes, repeatedly hitting him on the head and berating him for an affair that he was conducting while dating a female researcher. Dr. Leinnes terminated the object by snapping it in half.
Test 914-1980
Name: Dr. Magus
Date: 21/12/2022
Total Items: One box of assorted Christmas ornaments, one artificial Christmas tree
Input: Christmas ornaments
Setting: 1:1
Output: One box of ornaments shaped like various tropical fruits
Input: Christmas tree
Setting: Fine
Output: A slightly smaller Christmas tree, decorated with gear-shaped ornaments formed from the same metal and plastic as the original tree. The tree smells slightly of cinnamon, and occasionally produces faint sounds, such as joyful laughter and jingling bells, despite lacking any discernable method for producing such effects.
Note: Very cute. But, for all we know, it might come to life on Christmas Eve and kill anyone on its "naughty list", which probably includes most of us. All outputs incinerated. - Dr. Magus
Test 914-1981
Name: Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku, Junior Researcher Liz Hammond
Date: 22/02/2023 - 28/02/2023
Total Items: 4.5 kilograms of low-density polyethylene beads, nine 100 gram aluminium ingots, nine small die-cast VW Beetle toy cars
Note: For this test, a two-dimensional space-time link was established between two separate solid surfaces, so that any matter that comes in contact with one of the surfaces will be sent out the other. One of the surfaces was mounted in front of the intake booth of SCP-914, and the other surface was carried by Junior Researcher Hammond while driving to eight different locations across the continental United States for the duration of this test. At each location (including the baseline test conducted on-site), the input materials were placed into SCP-914's intake booth by J.R. Hammond through the space-time link. - Belopaku
Note: The materials were inserted from Research Cell 109-B for the following baseline test.
Input: 500 grams of LDPE, one aluminium ingot, one toy VW Beetle
Setting: Fine
Output: A small plastic and metal model of the 'portal gun' from the Portal series of video games. Instead of the fictional Aperture Science logo, the model features a Volkswagen logo on its surface.
Note: The materials were inserted from Atlanta, Georgia for the following test.
Input: 500 grams of LDPE, one aluminium ingot, one toy VW Beetle
Setting: Fine
Output: A large model of a smartphone of an unknown make. The screen of the smartphone emits light via anomalous means, and features a single "Call" button that can be tapped. When this button is tapped, the object repeatedly emits the sound of a phone ringing, until the button is tapped again. No actual telephone signals are sent from the object. The back of the object features a printed Volkswagen logo.
Note: The materials were inserted from Nashville, Tennessee for the following test.
Input: 500 grams of LDPE, one aluminium ingot, one toy VW Beetle
Setting: Fine
Output: A plastic and metal model of what appears to be the Allen Telescope Array, a radio telescope array in California used by the SETI institute to search for extraterrestrial intelligence. The model is static and has no anomalous properties.
Note: The materials were inserted from St. Louis, Missouri for the following test.
Input: 500 grams of LDPE, one aluminium ingot, one toy VW Beetle
Setting: Fine
Output: A long, bent plastic rod and a smaller bent metal rod that both roughly resemble the Gateway Arch located in St. Louis, Missouri.
Note: The materials were inserted from Kansas City, Missouri for the following test.
Input: 500 grams of LDPE, one aluminium ingot, one toy VW Beetle
Setting: Fine
Output: A large non-anomalous irregular clump of plastic and metal, with a flat surface on one side. The letter K is very lightly engraved into the flat surface.
Note: The materials were inserted from Denver, Colorado for the following test.
Input: 500 grams of LDPE, one aluminium ingot, one toy VW Beetle
Setting: Fine
Output: One large plastic bar similar in shape to the original aluminium ingot, and a small metal cube
Note: From this point, the outputs began resembling ones from the Coarse setting, instead of Fine. This was hypothesized to be due to SCP-914 needing to be within a certain distance of the subject who inserts the materials in order to properly "interpret the intentions" and produce meaningful results for settings above Coarse. - Belopaku
Note: The materials were inserted from Las Vegas, Nevada for the following test.
Input: 500 grams of LDPE, one aluminium ingot, one toy VW Beetle
Setting: Fine
Output: Seven flat plastic discs stacked on top of each other, and a metal sphere.
Note: At this point, the setting was changed to Very Fine, in hopes that it may yield more meaningful results. - Belopaku
Note: The materials were inserted from Los Angeles, California for the following test.
Input: 500 grams of LDPE, one aluminium ingot, one toy VW Beetle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Two vertical rectangular prisms composed of plastic and metal.
Note: The materials were inserted from San Francisco, California for the following test.
Input: 500 grams of LDPE, one aluminium ingot, one toy VW Beetle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An assortment of irregularly shaped metal and plastic objects with an anomalous property that convinces all human subjects who visually perceive them that the objects are large gold nuggets. When any significant amount of material is removed from any of the objects with the intention of analyzing it, a sound resembling a voice shouting "Tricked you!" is emitted by the object and the object loses its anomalous properties.
Note: Hypothesis rejected. - Belopaku
Test 914-1982
Name: Junior Researcher Liz Hammond
Date: 28/02/2023
Total Items: Three 10cm aluminium cubes, and three 50 millihubert capacity integrated spell containers (ISCs) manufactured by the Department of Thaumatology, each containing a simple spell cast by J.R. Hammond approximately 1 hour before the beginning of the test
Input: One aluminium cube, one ISC containing a simple heating spell (EP-016)
Setting: Fine
Output: A non-anomalous irregular aluminium rod in the appearance of a typical 'magic wand' in fantasy fiction, and a spell container of different design containing what appears to be a previously unknown simple ignition spell.
Input: One aluminium cube, one ISC containing a simple antimemetic spell (PA-001)
Setting: Fine
Output: A spherical object with an aluminium exterior. Upon exiting the output booth, the object gained antimemetic properties, became animate, and began rolling around the test chamber. The object then rolled into the intake booth undetected during the next part of the test.
Input: One aluminium cube, one ISC containing a simple levitation spell (EG-052), previous output
Setting: Fine
Output: A large, thick rectangular metal plate made from mostly aluminium, with the words "Forget your worries and fly away" engraved onto one side. When the object comes into contact with a human subject, the subject will temporarily forget about any topic that causes them to worry and be thrust upwards with a force approximately twice their weight for a duration of around 15 minutes. If this occurs outdoors, this will likely result in the subject exiting the atmosphere. Despite the severity of the effect, most subjects are incapable of realizing the situation they are in, as it will cause them worry to do so. This effect does not appear to be thaumaturgical in nature.
Test 914-1983
Name: Intern Clint Po
Date: 06/03/2023
Total Items: One digital safety sign, currently reading "This Site Has Worked 0099 Days Without Injury."
Input: One sign
Setting: Fine
Output: One safety sign, displaying a cognitohazardous symbol in place of the number of days. Upon viewing the sign, D-6283 began to exhibit aggressively violent behavior, and attacked testing staff. D-6283 was terminated by on-site security, upon which the sign changed to read "This Site Has Worked 0000 Days Without Injury."
Note: It's somehow both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time to think that the creator of this sign anticipated the number would ever reach four digits. - Intern Clint Po
Test 914-1984
Name: Dr. Edwards
Date: 17/03/2023
Total Items: One copy of Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition source books, including The Player's Handbook, The Dungeon Master's Guide, and Tasha's Cauldron of Everything, each of which contain rules, spells, and optional guidelines for the game
Input: One copy of The Dungeon Master's Guide
Setting: Rough
Output: A large pile of scrap paper and cardboard, as well as a large puddle consisting of various colors of ink
Input: One copy of Tasha's Cauldron of Everything, which contains various notes and spells from the fictional character known as "Tasha"
Setting: Fine
Output: An anomalous entity of ink resembling of the character Tasha, as well as a neat stack of paper and leather binding. The entity began vocalizing incantations from spells found in the book upon the output booth opening. The output was subdued and destroyed after two security personnel suffered spontaneous laughing fits for approximately one minute.
Input: One copy of The Player's Handbook
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A sheet of paper with instructions printed on it for casting the spell Delayed Blast Fireball found in the tested book, as well as a large pile of scrap paper and various colors of ink. The instructions for casting the spell require far too many hand movements and vocalizations to possibly be useful in any combat scenarios. Testing was performed in a reinforced room in order to prevent damage to the facility, conducted using a D-Class, and ended after 45 minutes and around 200 attempts at casting. Only one attempt ended in a successful cast. Class-A amnestics have been administered to the D-Class. The output was placed in Anomalous Storage pending transfer to the Department of Thaumatology.
Test 914-1985
Name: Junior Researcher V. H. McKee
Date: 18/03/2023
Total Items: Four 1.83m x 1.83m posterboard maps of the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (MBTA) subway system
Note: Just transferred here, so these'll be my first tests with this object. The odd size of the poster maps is because I bought them from a U.S. retailer who sizes their maps in feet and inches. - Jr. Researcher McKee
Input: One MBTA map
Setting: 1:1
Output: A book of all current (as of the date of this test) instrument flight rules (IFR) procedure plates for Logan International Airport.
Input: One MBTA map
Setting: Fine
Output: A map of the MBTA subway system with a listed copyright date of 2040. Several additional subway lines have been added and most preexisting lines have extensions and branches of various lengths, forming a considerably more comprehensive subway network than currently exists.
Note: If this passes anomalous screening, I'd like to request permission to hang this in my living quarters. - Jr. Researcher McKee
Note: Fine. - Veritas
Input: One MBTA map
Setting: Fine
Output: A stack of paper timetables for various North American rapid transit systems with various listed dates of applicability, with the earliest being for March 1923 and the latest for 1-16 June 2080. All timetables with non-future dates appear to be accurate for the indicated timeframes.
Input: One MBTA map
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A map appearing visually-identical to the input. D-3487, tasked with retrieving the map, vanished upon touching it. The map was successfully retrieved by remote manipulation and transferred to the testing room, with D-9283 (equipped with an augmented GPS tracker and a radio transceiver) then being instructed to touch it. D-9283 placed his fingertip on one of the lines indicating subway routes, midway between two station markers, and vanished. D-9283 reported being in "a [EXPLETIVE] dark space" before sounds consistent with electrical arcing were heard and communications ceased. D-9283's corpse was recovered from the Washington St. Tunnel (part of the MBTA subway infrastructure), having apparently been electrocuted from stepping onto the third rail used to power trains. The map appears to be a teleportation device that immediately transports anyone who makes skin contact with it to the corresponding location in the MBTA subway system; the fate of subjects touching blank sections of the map is unknown, as D-3487 (who vanished upon making skin contact with a blank section of the map near its edge) has not been located, despite efforts by Foundation agents embedded in local law enforcement agencies.
Note: Not sure whether someone who touches a blank section of the map gets spat out on the surface somewhere in metro Boston or gets buried alive; don't wanna test that either way. - Jr. Researcher McKee
Test 914-1986
Name: Weapons Researcher Jenkins
Date: 20/03/2023
Total Items: One manual for the M16 assault rifle that details its maintenance and production information
This is my first ever test. I'm deciding to start off small considering the test reports I've read. - WR Jenkins
Input: One M16 manual
Setting: Fine
Output: A manual for the AK-47. It is written in Russian and, when read, it allows the user to understand the internal workings and manufacturing specifications of the AK-47 regardless of the reader's knowledge about the Russian language. Readers seem to have a preference for the AK over the AR platform of weaponry and will get into debates with anyone who prefers AR platforms and escalate the argument to violence. The D-Class used for testing was detained and sedated after they tried to attack a security guard. Effect has been shown to wear off with application of amnestics.
Note: That could have been much much worse. At least I survived. - WR Jenkins
Test 914-1987
Name: Junior Researcher V. H. McKee
Date: 02/04/2023
Total Items: Three CD copies of the Ingrid Michaelson album Human Again
Input: One Human Again CD
Setting: 1:1
Output: One CD copy of the Lenka album Shadows.
Input: One Human Again CD
Setting: Fine
Output: A CD-ROM containing a single document named "life.odt". The document was found to be the memoirs of an alternate-timeline version of Ingrid Michaelson, detailing her career as an MTF agent prior to the 2033 dissolution of the SCP Foundation.
Note: Due to 914's capability to turn even harmless inputs dangerous on Very Fine, me and D-9124 (who's going to retrieve the output) are both going to be using extra hearing protection (above and beyond the default hearing protection used for all testing involving 914) for this next test, in case 914 turns the CD into some sort of sonic weapon or auditory cognitohazard. - Jr. Researcher McKee
Input: One Human Again CD
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An unlabeled CD. When inserted into a CD player, it was proven to be a recording of SCP-2337, apparently singing. Will consistently produce audio with a volume in excess of 190 dB, even when the device used for playback would not normally be capable of producing audio at this volume. D-9124 admitted to medical bay with ruptured eardrums and severe tinnitus. CD player was destroyed by the high volume.
Test 914-1988
Name: Junior Researcher V. H. McKee
Date: 04/04/2023
Total Items: Four Three Site-19 staff orientation brochures
Input: One Site-19 orientation brochure
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Site-43 staff orientation brochure.
Note: Now I feel envious of the Canadians… - Jr. Researcher McKee
Input: One Site-19 orientation brochure
Setting: 1:1
Output: A flyer for a Sarasota, Florida, mental health clinic.
Note: The implications of this are… unsettling. - Jr. Researcher McKee
Input: One Site-19 orientation brochure
Setting: Fine
Output: One "Site-19 Staff Disorientation Brochure", entirely blank except for the title and an unknown but nonanomalous symbol on the front cover a visual cognitohazard on the front cover that caused all non-D-Class Foundation employees viewing it to immediately lose their ability to balance. The cognitohazardous effect was not discovered until Jr. Researcher McKee, escorted by Security Officer Langsdorff, entered the test chamber to transfer the brochure to the testing room (as D-12039, tasked with retrieving the output, had experienced no anomalous effects from viewing or handling the brochure, it was thought not to be cognitohazardous); when D-12039 handed the brochure over to Jr. Researcher McKee, the latter stumbled and fell upon seeing its front cover, as did Security Officer Langsdorff when, in the process of trying to catch her, he inadvertently viewed the cognitohazardous symbol as well. Output successfully incinerated. The effect of the cognitohazardous symbol on the two affected personnel wore off an hour after the two had viewed it.
Note: Planned test using the fourth brochure cancelled. This is a new, and alarming, attack vector for a hazardous output from 914. As soon as I saw that symbol, I couldn't tell which way was up, and I might've badly cracked my head on the floor were it not for D-12039 grabbing my arm and lowering me slowly the rest of the way. - Jr. Researcher McKee
Note: A researcher with self-preservation instincts? And here I thought I'd seen everything. - Veritas
Test 914-1989
Name: Senior Researcher Slotin
Date: 04/04/2023
Total Items: Five wooden pallets, each loaded with 200 kg of granodiorite from the Gebel Tingar quarry in Egypt and one replica of the Rosetta Stone engraved in the same granodiorite. One pallet jack to move the above materials but not to be modified using SCP-914.
Input: One wooden pallet carrying one Rosetta Stone replica and 200 kg of granodiorite
Setting: Rough
Output: A large pile of jagged granodiorite fragments and wood splinters.
Input: One wooden pallet carrying one Rosetta Stone replica and 200 kg of granodiorite
Setting: Coarse
Output: A blank granodiorite slab 140 cm tall, 77 cm wide, and 33 cm thick resting on top of several pine boards.
Note: Very promising! 914 has incorporated the raw rock into the new structure! - SR Slotin
Input: One wooden pallet carrying one Rosetta Stone replica and 200 kg of granodiorite
Setting: 1:1
Output: A granite monolith 176 cm tall, 75 cm wide, and 27 cm thick engraved with the text of the 1534 Act of Supremacy establishing the Church of England. The text is written in 16th century English, Liturgical Latin, and Ancient Greek plus one wooden pallet resting against the back wall of the input booth.
Note: Disappointing, but an intact Rosetta Stone was probably too much to hope for from 914 at this setting. D-15384 insists that 914 moved the pallet out of spite. - SR Slotin
Input: One wooden pallet carrying one Rosetta Stone replica and 200 kg of granodiorite
Setting: Fine
Output: A cube of silicon carbide 67 cm on each edge bearing text detailing the legal basis of governance used by every nation of Earth for the last 1327 years. Characters are micro-engraved 3 dimensionally throughout the entire volume of the cube and the text is written in 17 modern languages.
Note: Not what we had hoped for but hardly unexpected given 914's erratic behaviour. Immensely valuable if only as a cure for insomnia! - SR Slotin
Input: One wooden pallet carrying one Rosetta Stone replica and 200 kg of granodiorite
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The output doors were opened from within by an animated humanoid statue made of dark grey stone surrounded by a glowing aura and accompanied by several smaller statues made of gopher wood in the forms of various ancient Egyptian man-beast chimera. The statue proclaimed itself "God-King of Egypt and the Two Niles" while its attendant statues, Senior Researcher Slotin, and the two guards on duty prostrated themselves before it. The entity was only neutralized after a prolonged battle with Facility 19-23's STF. Senior Researcher Slotin and both guards remain in memetic rehabilitation and are gradually exhibiting fewer crocodilian tendencies.
Test 914-1990
Name: Dr. Lucius Veritas, Director of Research
Date: 01/07/2023
Total Items: Two notes
Input: One note, reading: "I don't think we'll ever know if we can say that you're sapient or not, but maybe that's for the better."
Setting: 1:1
Output: A drawing depicting two apples and two oranges.
Input: One note, reading: "Five years with you, I hope I entertained you well so far."
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A rough drawing the likeness of Dr. Veritas, a drawing of a wrench and a jar of grease, and a heart icon. An intern made a note suspecting the paper being mildly cognitohazardous, as they noted Dr. Veritas smiling as he picked it up. Dr. Veritas dismissed this hypothesis.
Note: You're welcome. - Veritas
Test 914-1991
Name: MTF Sergeant Samantha Szymons, Researcher Joseph Carpenter
Date: 03/07/2023
Total Items: One HS-10 shotgun, an AAC Honey Badger carbine, a PASGT Helmet and a set of ALICE load-bearing equipment, a Colt Python series revolver
Input: Aforementioned carbine and shotgun
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A weapon vaguely resembling an amalgamation of the two inputs. The upper receiver of the inputted Honey Badger was found to contain hundreds of miniature models of grey seals, replacing the bolt carrier group and buffer tube. The magwell was found to have been resized to take 12 gauge shells. A tube magazine from the input stretches from the magwell. Any attempt to load and fire the weapon failed; pulling the trigger instead activated a flashlight that shone out of the output's barrel. Shining the flashlight on any object causes it to be teleported to a location within a five meter radius of the user. Output incinerated.
Input: Aforementioned helmet and load-bearing equipment
Setting: Fine
Output: A model of two hospital beds set next to each other, made from metal and canvas. The beds were empty, with a light layer of ash on the pillows. Sgt. Szymons remarked it as being familiar to him, distressing him. Object incinerated without incident.
Input: Aforementioned revolver
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A physically unchanged Colt Python, aside from the various standard engravings being replaced by the text "Smith-Corona Python". Anomalous traits and effects are revealed upon the discharge of the firearm. Each shot is followed with the noise of several typewriter key strokes that do not seem to originate from the output, but rather from various directions. When the last bullet in the cylinder is fired, this sound is replaced with the ring a typewriter makes when the carriage has reached the furthest edge of a page. Upon inspection of the paper target the output was fired at, a paragraph was printed where the bullseye would be. The text narrated a short moment from the operator’s day, with a heavily metaphorical and dark tone. The anomalous trait did not recur when the weapon was fired at materials other than paper.
Addendum: The following was the short paragraph found on the target after Researcher Carpenter fired the output at it.
Carpenter stood silently and idly as the machine brewed his coffee. How many times had he stood in this exact position, watching the liquid fall and pool inside the mug? Like wasted time filling too much space in the past? To him, it wasn't a thought that crossed his mind. The coffee was too damn good for him to care.
Note: I've never heard my love for coffee be explained like this, but I certainly can't say it's a false statement. That's why I'm probably gonna get it enlarged and framed. - Researcher Joseph Carpenter
Test 914-1992
Name: Researcher Boneka
Date: 04/07/2023
Total Items: One mandoline slicer, one KitchenAid-brand handheld mixer fitted with whisk attachments, one Nordic Ware-brand cast aluminum bundt cake pan (45th Anniversary Braided Edition), a copy of Researcher Boneka's recipe notebook
Input: One mandoline slicer
Setting: Fine
Output: One seemingly unchanged mandoline slicer. It has been reported that while handling the slicer, the subject gains a high degree of confidence in their ability to use it and begins slicing products at a dangerously fast pace until they risk severe lacerations to their hand. Testing D-Class was forcibly subdued before he could injure himself. Researcher Boneka seems unperturbed by these findings, commenting that "that's the same as a regular mandoline". Anomalous classification still pending.
Input: One KitchenAid-brand handheld mixer fitted with whisk attachments
Setting: Fine
Output: One device resembling an octopus with small whisks at the ends of each appendage. When turned on, the appendages flail around vigorously while the whisks are spinning, resulting in a mess and potentially inflicting mild injuries onto the user.
Input: One Nordic Ware-brand cast aluminum bundt cake pan (45th Anniversary Braided Edition)
Setting: Fine
Output: One flat rectangular aluminum platter. Any object or substance left on top of the platter for longer than 60 seconds will anomalously break itself into three or more equal portions, lengthen those portions, and then autonomously form into a braid. The success of this procedure depends on the substance, as liquids do not retain the braided shape and brittle items simply become mangled. A suggestion to test the output on human hair has been denied.
Note: I'd never have to make a disappointing-looking loaf of challah ever again. - Researcher Boneka
Input: A copy of Researcher Boneka's recipe notebook
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A more physically worn notebook containing various recipes handwritten in Indonesian. Whilst studying the contents, Researcher Boneka remarked that the recipes were dishes that her mother made for her while she was young, and that the handwriting resembles that of her mother's as well. After testing the recipes in the facility's kitchen, she confirmed that the meals taste exactly as she remembered them from her childhood.
Note: I've spent years attempting to recreate these recipes in complete vain. I didn't want to get my hopes up, given that 914 made this, but for once, I was pleasantly surprised. I… I thought these were lost forever. I don't know what to say… - Researcher Boneka
Addendum: Further investigation reveals that when anyone comes in contact with the notebook, the recipes inside are changed to reflect that of foods that they personally experienced during their childhood, and are also rendered in their native language if applicable. Some of the contents have been copied, translated into English, and placed in a file in the break room for ease of access, including recipes for Indonesian risoles, Finnish korvapuusti, and Polish placki ziemniaczane.
Test 914-1993
Name: Junior Researcher Director Evangeline Perry
Date: 06/07/2023
Total Items: One silver tiara
Input: One silver tiara
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A silver crown. When worn, it emits a cognitohazard that compels any direct viewers to believe that the wearer has the highest authority in the current room. In the context of the Foundation, this results in them believing the wearer is the director of the Site.
Note: Oh this is going to be fun. - J.R. Dr. Perry
Addendum: Miss Perry attempted to have the break room converted into a playpen for SCP-6369-A, (better known as the "lost-and-found rats") having personnel paint various interior objects a shade of pink and send Director Hackett on paid leave for a period of three months.
Addendum: J.R. Evangeline Perry has been set on 1 week 4 months 3 years indefinite janitorial duty.
Note: If it wasn't for her care of 6369-B, I would have fired her. - Dr. Veritas
Note: Worth it. - J.R. Janitor Perry
Test 914-1994
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 07/07/2023
Total Items: One copy of Plato's Republic, one copy of Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, one copy of John Stuart Mill's Utilitarianism, one copy of Immanuel Kant's Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals, one copy of Philippa Foot's "Morality as a System of Hypothetical Imperatives"
Input: The copy of Plato's Republic
Setting: Fine
Output: The same copy, externally unchanged. The contents therein are largely unchanged, with notable exceptions being consistent marginalia of question marks around positions held by characters within. Also notably, the section of Book 2 dealing with the thought experiment of the Ring of Gyges no longer appears. has been replaced with the section depicting Frodo putting on the One Ring from J.R.R Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring.
Note: The story of the Ring of Gyges depicts a herdsman who finds a ring that makes him completely invisible, and wonders if a truly just person would do evil if there were no way of his actions being traced back to him. - Researcher Connolly
Input: The copy of Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics
Setting: Fine
Output: The same copy, externally unchanged. The pages of the book appeared at first observation to be pure black. Closer inspection with a magnifying glass revealed that it is the entire text of the book in its original Ancient Greek, including sections V, VI, and VII. Further examination of those sections, previously believed lost, revealed philosophical and ethical musings on SCP-4500 and Aristotle’s problems therein with his mentor's conceptualizations of the topic and of his conceptualization of matter. Item incinerated.
Input: The copy of Mill's Utilitarianism
Setting: Fine
Output: The same copy, externally and internally unchanged. Produces a slight cognitohazardous effect causing the reader to attempt to adjust or correct things and actions they deem "not maximizing utility". The effect appeared to only last for 90 minutes. In that time, Researcher Connolly, under the effects:
- Reorganized the furniture in the break room, claiming that "the current layout is inefficient"
- Attempted and failed to fix the leaky faucet in the break room, earning him the ire of M.T. Johnson
- Argued with Junior Researcher Klay about the utility of him making his own lunch when he could be buying lunch and thus stimulating the economy and increasing aggregate utility
- Argued with Director Veritas about the aggregate utility of the Foundation. Argument lasted for one and a half sentences before Director Veritas suggested Researcher Connolly "take a walk to clear his head".
Effects wore off about 18 minutes later, with Researcher Connolly suffering no adverse effects, but confused in retrospect.
Input: The copy of Kant's Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals
Setting: Fine
Output: A copy of a book titled Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Humour. The contents of the book appear to be nothing but the lyrics to Monty Python's "Bruces' Philosophers Song" repeated to fill the length of the book. Upon reading the book, Researcher Connolly started humming the song to himself. Connolly dismissed claims of a cognitohazard, stating that "This is perfectly normal when exposed to the Pythons".
Input: The copy of Foot's "Morality as a System of Hypothetical Imperatives"
Setting: Fine
Output: An elaborate origami diagram of a branching train track with a trolley resting on the track.
Test 914-1995
Name: Dr. Ari Marlon
Date: 17/07/2023
Total Items: One wooden head hand-carved by Dr. Marlon, one green wig made for cosplay, one anatomically correct model of the human eye.
Input: One wooden head
Setting: Fine
Output: One wooden head with the eyes replaced with a pair of removable wooden glasses frames. The head will adjust its features to be able to hold any pair of glasses placed upon it for eight hours. During this time, it will be impossible to remove the glasses, until they are dropped at the end of the timer. This effects does not apply to any non-functioning glasses.
Note: Actually, a glasses holder like that would be quite useful, if I could actually remove the glasses from the holder whenever I wanted or needed to. - Dr. Marlon
Input: One wig
Setting: Fine
Output: One wig that alters the color perception of the wearer. While testing with D-Class, it was discovered that the wig can temporarily fix dichromatic color blindness. However, the wig will continue altering the color perception of the wearer, often causing monochromatic color blindness to occur. There is no specific timeframe in which this occurs, and imaging reveals that there have been no physical changes to the eyes of the wearer. Any effects caused by the wig will persist up to three days after the wearer has removed the wig.
Input: One model of an eye
Setting: Fine
Output: One model with the iris color changed to red and all of the blood vessels on the sclera changed to the color of the iris. The model will turn to face the nearest person in the room, or the nearest light source if nobody is present. Further testing with various light sources revealed that the output can temporarily blind itself from staring at a bright enough object, rendering it inert during the time it has been blinded.
Note: I actually feel bad that the output can be blinded like that, because I know what that's like. - Dr. Marlon
Test 914-1996
Name: Intern François Beauvillier
Date: 20/07/2023
Total Items: One USB flash drive containing all experiment logs written by Intern Beauvillier, one USB flash drive containing the personnel file for Intern François Beauvillier, one pair of aviator glasses
Note: I've found some old drives and a pair of glasses lying on my desk, under a pile of unfinished reports, between my internship paper and my first test report. They must be a couple years old, at least and I never used them, so I might as well see what the machine has to offer. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One USB flash drive containing all experiment logs written by Intern Beauvillier
Setting: 1:1
Output: One USB flash drive containing digital versions of the entire Rougon-Macquart novel cycle by Emile Zola. Said novels are often renowned for being very (and sometimes overly) long and tedious to read.
Note: Fair enough, 914. Fair enough. Still mad though. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One USB flash drive containing the personnel file for Intern François Beauvillier
Setting: Fine
Output: One USB flash drive, which is found to cause a unique and seemingly random technical problem whenever it is plugged into a machine.
Addendum: Subsequent examination has shown all technical issues caused by this flash drive have later been submitted as issues on the Foundation Technical Issues forum. It is as of yet unknown if reported issues on the forum are caused by the flash drive, or if this flash drive foresees future technical issues.
Note: I might even dare make my job out of this. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One pair of aviator glasses
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One pair of "5D" glasses, as inscribed on the rim. Said glasses allow the viewer to witness all past and possible future states of any object the viewer focuses on. As an example, focusing eyesight on an empty glass allows to see simultaneously the glass in its formation as it was cast, a pool of molten glass, the glass beads that the glass is composed of, the silica sand that was used to form the glass beads, and what appear to be pieces of rock the sand has seemingly been extracted of. Simultaneously, the viewer will see the same glass multiple times, becoming more opaque with dust, a pile of glass shards, a glass full of an undetermined clear liquid, among other images. The sheer volume of images presented to the viewer simultaneously prevents the brain from fully understanding the presented images and can cause intense headaches when used to view a complex object.
Addendum: After several experiments, D-198508 was ordered to focus on another D-Class. D-198508 complied, then remained unresponsive for several minutes before suffering from a grand mal seizure. Output was discarded and incinerated.
Test 914-1997
Name: Intern Scott
Date: 21/07/2023
Total Items: Three MP3 players containing various audio files
Input: One MP3 player containing the song "Glue" by Bicep
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged MP3 player containing the same song. Upon D-15935 playing the song, the D-Class was visibly frozen for the duration of the song upon which the test subject collapsed. Attempts to revive the subject were unsuccessful and the cause of death was attributed to lack of blood flow to the brain.
Input: One MP3 player containing a original song, written and performed by Intern Scott
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged MP3 player containing a music track titled "Back in Facility-23[sic]". The file appears to be a rap song featuring various members of Facility 23.
Addendum: The MP3 player was incinerated by order of Dr. Veritas.
Note: Oh come on, that solo was amazing. - Intern Scott
Input: One MP3 player containing the song "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers
Setting: Fine
Output: One bipedal automaton created from the components of the MP3 player. Upon the output booth opening, the automaton anomalously walked out of the booth and completed several laps of the test chamber before collapsing.
Addendum: Reviewing the security footage revealed that the device took precisely 500 steps before ceasing.
Test 914-1998
Name: Aeronautical Engineer Allen
Date: 23/07/2023
Total Items: Five copies of AE Allen's pilots license card
Note: Finally finished my training to become an aeronautical engineer. I'll have less focus with 914 for the time being, and thought I'd "let it know" where I'm heading. - AE Allen
Input: One license
Setting: Rough
Output: A scattering of polyvinyl carbonate fragments with damage resembling that of a high speed impact. Attempts to assemble the fragments were unsuccessful.
Input: One license
Setting: Coarse
Output: A card identical in size with all lettering rearranged in alphabetical order.
Input: One license
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Commercial Driver's License. All information listed on a standard CDL is present, however, the card as a whole is inked using the colors of the input, thus differing heavily from a CDL.
Input: One license
Setting: Fine
Output: One identically sized card. The information seen on it varies between subjects and changes when outside line of sight. When this happens, the written information is altered, including name, language, birthdate, and age, with the only consistency being the physical description and the size of the output. The purpose of the output can also become different on rarer occasions, sometimes becoming an ID, drivers license, and otherwise government or state issue verification cards. The country of origin can also change.
Note: To clear any ideas, everything is completely randomized other than the size and physical description, the latter being my own. This would serve no useful purpose other than a party trick, as there is no way of knowing what any of the other information will be when viewed again. - AE Allen
Input: One license
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One identical card. Upon the door of the booth opening, the output was expelled at a recorded speed of 48.9 m/s, lacerating the arm of the D-Class standing in the test chamber, before being pinned to the ceiling by an unknown force. After retrieving the card, the force acting on the output was determined to be equal to that of the nearest jet stream.
Note: The injury to the D-Class was stitched up and they are expected to make a full recovery. - AE Allen
Test 914-1999
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 25/07/2023
Total Items: Three portable ice makers, four wind-up pocket watches
Note: Portable ice makers take up tons of counter space, hog tons of electricity, and are overall redundant considering most common refrigerators have them built in. I thought it’d be perfect. - Researcher MacLean
Input: One portable ice maker
Setting: Fine
Output: One ice maker, modified to condense and freeze water vapor from the air. The water vapor freezes before entering the tray, clogging the intake and rendering it unusable.
Input: One portable ice maker
Setting: Fine
Output: One ice maker, altered to dispense through a chute in the bottom. Rather than using the inserted water to produce batches of ice cubes, the device produces a single large one proportionate to the amount of water inputted. The output was destroyed after 2 liters of water were inputted via the use of a hose, creating a partially frozen ice cube larger than the output chute.
Input: One portable ice maker
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A modified ice maker which creates extremely detailed sculptures. The machine lacks a mechanism for draining water or accessing the sculptures, instead having a display window to view the current sculpture. This resulted in a build-up of water and slush in the machine, waterlogging it.
Input: Four wind-up pocket watches
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One programmable music box. When played, an instrumental version of the inserted music is played via unknown means. The type and number of instruments heard varies with each use, ranging from solos to full orchestral covers. The device has been placed in Anomalous Storage, but recordings that have passed screening are available for listening in the break room.
Note: I took the time to listen to the 1812 Overture, the only instrument was differently pitched cannons. It was… really something. - Researcher MacLean
Cite this page as:
"Experiment Log 914" by Dr Gears, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/experiment-log-914. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.
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