Note to all Researchers:
Please include your name on all records, along with date and total number of items "refined".
Researchers are responsible for all "Output". Should damage or loss of life occur, the researcher will be subject to administrative review and possible disciplinary action.
Biological testing has been suspended. Any biological testing must be cleared by O5 Command.
Test Log Format:
All test logs should be written in this form.
Name:
Date: DD/MM/YYYY
Total Items:
Input:
Setting:
Output:
<- Notice: Continued from 15XX.
Test 914-1600
Name: Dr. Nightingale
Date: 27/05/2020
Total Items: One Sony-brand HD video camcorder.
Note: The manner in which SCP-914 works has never been fully explained. What happens to the input items when the machine is activated, what is done to them or where they go, is unknown. My hope is that by putting this camera through SCP-914 while it is recording, we might be able to get a possible glimpse. The SD card is fresh and clear for this experiment. -Dr. Nightingale.
Input: One Sony-brand HD video camcorder. Item was set to record before SCP-914 was activated.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Panasonic-brand HD video Camcorder. Item was noted to still be recording upon retrieval from the output chamber. No anomalous properties observed. Upon review of the SD card’s contents, it was discovered that the memory had been filled to maximum capacity with numerous video files.
Note: Most of the files were blank or too corrupted to play properly. The ones that we were able to play have been summarized below. They are certainly… Interesting, to say the least. -Dr. Nightingale
File #006
SUMMARY:
Video shows a side view of Dr. Veritas at his desk and working through a large pile of paperwork in his office, seemingly not aware of the camera. The only audio present in the video is a soundtrack of various classical music pieces that plays throughout the video’s entirety. Approximate runtime was noted to be three hours and thirty minutes, with no changes aside from Dr. Veritas occasionally switching out one piece of paper for another.
File #016
SUMMARY:
Video shows SCP-914 from where it is contained in test chamber 109-B. Audio is present in the form of ambient noise from lighting and electrical systems throughout the facilities. No unusual changes or events noted, though it was found that SCP-914 appeared to be much shinier than anything else in the video frame. Approximate runtime was noted to be one hour.
File #048
SUMMARY:
Video shows an interior view of SCP-914’s input chamber. Camera pans around the chamber before being carefully placed onto the floor and pointed towards the doorway. Dr. Nightingale is seen crouching down in front of the camera lens and waving a hand in front of it, seemingly to confirm that it is working correctly, before exiting the input chamber. Approximately thirty seconds later, several shouts of confirmation can be heard before the input chamber closes and SCP-914 activates. The video image begins to develop a slight vibration as the audio picks up the typical noises made by SCP-914 during its refining process.
Video and audio remains unchanged for thirty minutes, upon which the image suddenly jolts and the audio cuts out for two seconds before returning. It is noted that the video after this point has a noticeable change in contrast in comparison to before, and that the positioning of the door in the video frame has changed slightly as well. It is believed that this is the point where the camcorder was “changed” from the input object to the output object.
The video continues on for another thirty minutes before the vibrations in the image cease, and the chamber door opens. Dr. Nightingale is seen approaching the chamber. After picking it up, he waves a hand in front of the camera lens again before seemingly spinning it around and examining it, shortly after which the video ends. Approximate runtime was noted to be one hour and one minute.
File #116
SUMMARY:
Video shows a side-view of Dr. Nightingale playing a game of chess with an unknown figure. No discernible background details can be seen, with the area around the chess table and individuals seemingly being non-existent. No audio is present within the video as well. Dr. Nightingale appears to be conversing with the other figure, with the frequent pauses and body language displayed implying that the other figure is responding to his statements.
Closer examination of the chess board seems to show that the game pieces have been modeled to resemble notable individuals from the SCP Foundation and various Groups Of Interest. Approximate runtime was noted to be thirty minutes, upon which the recording abruptly ends. Predictions of the chess game’s outcome appear to lean towards a stalemate.
Test 914-1601
Name: Intern Beauvillier
Date: 27/05/2020
Total items: Five six-sided dice, five American 25¢ coins, five deck of playing cards.
Note: Determining how 914 reacts to probabilities. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One six-sided die
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of plastic pulp.
Input: One 25¢ coin
Setting: Rough
Output: A small puddle of molten copper
Input: A deck of playing cards
Setting: Rough
Output: A mass of cardboard pulp, and a puddle of ink.
Note: Alright, nothing unusual from the Rough tests, as expected. Moving on to the Coarse ones. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One six-sided die
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small plastic cube and a small vial of ink made out of plastic.
Input: One 25¢ coin
Setting: Coarse
Output: Twenty-five 1¢ coins. They were notably smaller than standard 1¢ coins, and thus were unusable as a viable currency.
Input: One deck of playing cards, shuffled
Setting: Coarse
Output: Four piles of cards, sorted by color, and a small cardboard box.
Note: Once again, nothing unusual. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One six-sided die
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small twelve-sided die.
Input: One 25¢ coin
Setting: 1:1
Output: A 0.20€ coin, made out of copper. The usual 0.20€ coin is made out of "Nordic Gold".
Input: One deck of playing cards
Setting: 1:1
Output: A tarot deck. It is visibly smaller than an usual tarot deck.
Note: I must admit the previous tests weren't interesting. Now starting the Fine tests, hoping for something to happen. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One six-sided die
Setting: Fine
Output: A visibly unchanged die. However, whenever thrown, the dice will show the result wanted by the thrower, including numbers higher than 6.
Note: We start to have issues identifying the dots after 255. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One 25¢ coin
Setting: Fine
Output: A four-sided coin.
Input: One deck of playing cards.
Setting: Fine
Output: A deck of playing cards. If unobserved, a card will be randomly exchanged with another unobserved card. If only one card is unobserved, no changes are noted.
Input: One six-sided die
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Six one-sided dice. No matter the point of view, it will still appear as one-sided. Whenever thrown, it will land one time out of 6, the remaining times an event will prevent the dice from touching the surface it was intended to land on.
Note: This is really dangerous. I launched it and it started a chain reaction, and kept unwillingly hitting the dice for 5 minutes before it finally fell. I don't recommend any tests involving a restrained thrower, and instead strongly suggest incinerating this. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One 25¢ coin
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A 25¢ coin. Whenever launched, it has a 50% chance of flying towards the sky.
Note: I would like to remind everyone that playing with items that could possibly fly out of the atmosphere outdoors is strongly discouraged. Especially when, for example, this item could find itself flying in space because SOMEONE thought it was a good idea to flip it in the yard. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One deck of cards
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A shuffled deck of cards. If observed, it will induce severe psychological distress in viewer, by causing them to "witness every single possible event that could happen" at the exact moment of the viewing.
Note: Requesting Class-A amnestics. - Intern Beauvillier
Test 914-1602
Name: Junior Researcher Y. Belopaku
Date: 27/05/2020
Total Items: Three hundred Haribo brand gummy bears
Input: One hundred gummy bears
Setting: 1:1
Output: One large gummy bear with two hundred eyes and two hundred arms and legs each.
Note: It still has two ears, however. - Belopaku
Input: One hundred gummy bears
Setting: Fine
Output: Five hundred and eleven small and animate gummy bears. The gummy bears are capable of assembling into larger bodies and climbing walls. However, they were slow enough to be captured and put into containment shortly after they attempted to exit the output booth.
Input: One hundred gummy bears
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One large animate entity possessing four short tentacle-like legs positioned in a radially symmetrical configuration around a central mass. A mouth-like orifice is present on the bottom of the central mass, allowing the entity to pick up and carry small items. When presented with a Haribo brand gummy bear, it will absorb it through the inside of its orifice, and it will attempt to attack all moving things nearby. Being presented with more gummy bears will intensify this behavior. After one or two hours, it will return to its docile state.
Note: Did you just create Gummy Shoggoth? And I thought I've seen everything. Incinerated. - Veritas
Test 914-1603
Name: Technician Akchote
Date: 28/05/2020
Items: One American 25¢ coin minted in 2019, one USB drive containing footage of Daft Punk's 2014 Grammy Awards performance
Input: One American 25¢ coin
Setting: Fine
Output: One European 50¢ coin, minted in 2020 A coin of unknown make and origin roughly the same size as the input, exhibiting a strong cognitohazardous effect that makes subjects of European origin holding the coin perceive it as an American 50¢ coin and vice versa for subjects of American origin. Subjects of origin other than American and European perceive the coin as a standard 50¢ Mexican Peso coin.
Note: D-Class testing to determine if the output categorises someone as being of European/American descent, in relation to the descent of their family members, has been inconclusive. - Technician Sollem
Input: One USB drive containing 2014 Grammy Awards performance by Daft Punk
Setting: 1:1
Output: One USB drive containing 2015 Coachella performance by Kaskade
Note: Catching up with recent events, I see. - Technician Akchote
Test 914-1604
Name: Researcher Jane Cho, D-99326 (assisting)
Date: 28/05/2020
Total Items: Five brass hamster wheels
Input: One hamster wheel
Setting: Rough
Output: Multiple small irregular metal flakes of various size and shape, ranging from 1mm to 20mm in diameter.
Input: One hamster wheel
Setting: Coarse
Output: The individual metal elements making up brass has been separated into individual piles of dust.
Input: One hamster wheel
Setting: 1:1
Output: A brass model of a small hamster with movable spoked wheels instead of legs.
Input: One hamster wheel
Setting: Fine
Output: A hamster wheel with four smaller hamster wheels attached to each corner of its base. The smaller hamster wheels in turn each have individual bases, connected to four proportionally smaller hamster wheels. This continues to a microscopic level.
Input: One hamster wheel
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A deformed hamster wheel. When directly viewed by a human subject, they will be led to believe that the item bears resemblance to a strange or deformed elephant. The compulsion to comment on this has been proven to be non-anomalous.
Note: I only saw the photograph, after it had been scanned for cognitohazards and everything, and I still think it looks like a weird elephant. - Jane Cho
Test 914-1605
Name: Junior Researcher Reil
Date: 28/05/2020
Total Items: A rabbit cage and two 3cm3 iron cubes
Input: Above items
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One metal container which slowly shapes any non-organic item placed in it into an animate rabbit which looks identical to the rabbit which formerly inhabited the cage. The animate rabbit will still seek out food, despite it not needing to eat.
Note: It appears that 914 somehow managed to find out about that rabbit that once resided in that cage. - J.R. Reil
Note: I hope these do not breed like normal rabbits because that will get out of control quickly. - T.R. Boelli
Note: Reil, I don't know what you did (yet), but I had a very annoyed Sedna at my desk a few hours ago, saying he was attacked by three rabbits made out of cardboard, wood and metal. All of them were destroyed, but I recommend staying away from him for a while. - Veritas
Test 914-1606
Name: Junior Researcher Garinet
Date: 30/05/2020
Total Items: One hand written note, three Styrofoam "spinning tops." Tops are 30cm diameter x 8cm thick foam disks revolving on hard plastic pins.
Input: One handwritten note, reading: "Good evening. I'm new to this lab. Did you know that most of your outputs get incinerated?"
Setting: 1:1
Output: One sheet of paper containing a maintenance log for incinerator repairs that took place after test 914-1308
Note: Hopefully, some safe experiments on how 914 deals with angular momentum. - J. R. Garinet
Input: One spinning top (as specified) spun up to 600rpm.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One styrofoam top, 2cm thick and 60cm in diameter, spinning at 150rpm
Input: One spinning top (as specified) spun up to 600rpm.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One styrofoam top, 32cm thick and 15cm in diameter, spinning at 2400rpm. Object could not withstand centripetal forces and disintegrated.
Note: Angular momentum was conserved. First test reduced kinetic energy, second one added it. Perhaps a small amount of chemical or thermal energy was converted? So… Where's the broom? - J. R. Garinet
Input: One spinning top (as specified) spun up to 600rpm.
Setting: Fine
Output: A 3cm diameter hard plastic top rotating at 60,000 rpm. Slowed and fell after 10 minutes in the output booth. Appeared non-anomalous until touched with bare hands; object began to rotate slowly when handled.
Note: Object anomalously converts heat into rotation. I think it's spinning at the bottom of the incinerator. - J. R. Garinet
Note: Object also appears to be nonflammable. When the incinerator was shutdown for routine maintenance, we found a 3cm diameter hole in the bottom. Might want to be prepared to pay for the repairs. - T.R. Boelli
Note: So the researcher is forced to pay for these repairs? - J. R. Garinet
Note: Call it ''idiot salary deduction''. - Veritas
Test 914-1607
Name: Intern Sora
Date: 30/05/2020
Total Items: One Amazon "Alexa" artificial intelligence, one Google "Google Home" artificial intelligence, one Apple "Siri" artificial intelligence, all in their respective devices.
Input: "Google home"
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged device. Output was not able to perform any actions. Instead, it plays a related advertisement every time an instruction was given.
Input: "Siri"
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged device. Output was not able to perform any actions. Inspection of internal records show that the AI was not able to comprehend speeches of any language, thus would only respond with the phrase "I'm not sure I understand".
Input: "Alexa"
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually unchanged device. When activated and tested, it was found that transactions were made from Intern Sora's personal bank account for every action performed. The prices of actions are proportional to their difficulty when performed by a human being. Some of the actions completed by the AI, their price in USD, and the results are displayed in the table below.
| Action | Cost | Result |
|---|---|---|
| Report the weather | 50¢ | AI proceeds to report weather of the next week |
| Translation | 25¢ | AI was able to translate various phrases and words in several languages |
| Online purchase | $20 | AI purchased various items using Intern Sora's address. |
| Play music | $6 | AI cycled between songs such as "Shape of You", "Despacito" and "Gangnam Style" before instructed to stop, at which point proceeded to charge $1 extra for stopping. |
Addendum: Upon being questioned "Who is my neighbour?" by Intern Sora, the AI produced a comprehensive list of all intelligence personnel working within the FBI. System log files suggests that the AI had hacked into the database of the Pentagon in order to produce the list.
Note: So that's why he kept stalking me at night. - Sora
Note: Sora, you might want to have this incinerated soon, for both security reasons and your own financial security. - T.R. Boelli
Note: Oh for God's sake, Sora. I just got off a call with Hackett, who had to explain to [REDACTED] from the Pentagon why their database was ''accidentally compromised''. You're god damn lucky that we didn't have to resort to amnesticising the entire force there, because you would be in debt until after you died. - Veritas
Test 914-1608
Name: Technological Researcher Boelli
Date: 30/05/2020
Total Items: Five USB drives, five cups of water
Note: Let's see if we can get a USB drive that is waterproof. Water will be emptied into the input chamber. I have stand-alone laptops ready to test the outputs on.
Input: One USB drive, puddle of water
Setting: 1:1
Output: One waterlogged USB drive
Input: One USB drive, puddle of water
Setting: 1:1
Output: One cup, made of the parts from the USB drive, filled with water. Extra water is on the floor.
Input: One USB drive, puddle of water
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged USB drive Water was placed in circle around the drive. One USB drive that when plugged into a device will anomalously cause the device to develop water damage as if water were poured into it. Object incinerated.
Input: One USB drive, puddle of water
Setting: Fine
Output: One USB drive surrounded by the water anomalously floating around it. A layer of air, presumably from the booth, is in between the water and the USB drive. Attempts made to move the USB drive all resulted in corresponding movements of the outer layer of water. Object stored in Anomalous Storage.
Note: Okay, getting closer. I placed the object in Anomalous Storage for now in case someone has a waterproof computer they would like to test it on. I'm including the glass in the next test as a barrier between the water and the USB. - T.R. Boelli
Input: One USB drive, one glass of water
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One drive of unknown make and model surrounded by a glass cube. The D-class sent to retrieve the output dropped it which shattered on impact causing water and glass to scatter inside the output chamber. The drive inside was completely dry, however, the port that would connect to a device is unrecognizable. Placed in Anomalous Storage.
Note: It looks like I got a waterproof drive, too bad it doesn't work with any of our computers. I will try to develop a converter that can connect to it in my spare time. - T.R. Boelli
Test 914-1609
Name: Technological Researcher Mikhail Strauß, D-95771
Date: 05/06/2020
Total Items: Five [REDACTED]-brand cameras with no batteries inserted, five Lithium-ion battery packs
Note: Getting tired of these cameras running out of power at the most inopportune moments. Let's see what we can do with these. - T.R. Strauß
Input: One camera, one battery pack
Setting: 1:1
Output: Camera has been replaced with a [REDACTED]-brand model, released in the same year as the inputted model, and the battery pack inserted into the camera by SCP-914. No noticeable change in battery life when tested by D-95771.
Input: One camera, one battery pack
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged camera and battery pack. D-95771 inserted the battery into the camera. When the battery was placed back in, the camera anomalously activated and began taking pictures at a rate of five photographs per second. Battery power ran out after two minutes.
Note: Not quite what I was looking for, but we're getting somewhere for sure. - T.R. Strauß
Input: One camera with one battery pack inserted
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged camera, battery assumed fused to the camera, as attempted removal by D-95771 resulted in a failure. The camera flash was rendered inoperable by SCP-914 and battery life was extended by around 100 photographs.
Input: One camera with one battery pack inserted
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Camera has been replaced with a [REDACTED]-brand model, one of the newest models available on the market. D-95771 was ordered to take a photograph with the flash function enabled. The resulting flash was unusually bright and proceeded to temporarily blind D-95771 for approximately five minutes. The flash failed to function on all attempted photographs afterwards.
Note: Okay, definitely beginning to regret this idea now. - T.R. Strauß
Input: One camera, one battery pack
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Camera has again been replaced with a [REDACTED]-brand model, one of the newest models available on the market. The battery appeared unchanged upon retrieval. D-95771 was ordered to insert the battery into the camera and take a picture. The camera exploded upon the shutter closing and D-95771 was terminated by 3rd and 4th degree burn injuries to the face and upper chest regions. The battery was also destroyed, but remains recovered hinted at a currently unknown alloy in the battery pack. Tests into this alloy are ongoing.
Note: Guess I'll stick to just swapping the battery from now on, then. - T.R. Strauß
Test 914-1610
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 08/06/2020
Total Items: Three copies of a list of countries where the store Target has a presence, printed on A4 paper
Input: List of countries with Target
Setting: 1:1
Output: A list of countries with Jollibee
Input: List of countries with Target
Setting: Fine
Output: A list of countries without Foundation presence
Note: Odd. Why would there still be five countries without our presence? - Dr. Cleveland
Input: List of countries with Target
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An instruction manual, titled "How to Teleport a [ILLEGIBLE]". Despite the title, the content consists of the lyrics of Let Me Live by Target (a 1970s band from Memphis).
Note: Never heard of them, but it is a pun I guess. - Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-1611
Name: Junior Researcher McLaif
Date: 08/06/2020
Total Items: Three sets of "true wireless" Bluetooth earbuds, including charging cases
Input: A set of earbuds
Setting: Rough
Output: A damaged set of earbuds, displaying signs of having been smashed with a blunt object.
Input: A set of earbuds
Setting: 1:1
Output: A set of traditional over-the-ear wireless headphones, shrunken down to an unwearable size. The speakers on the headphones are of similar size to the input earbuds, and are fully functional.
Input: A set of earbuds
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small plastic and metal cube measuring 5cm on each side. Connecting the cube to a Bluetooth-capable audio source causes anyone holding the cube to anomalously hear audio coming from the device. Disassembling the device shows that no electronics exist in the device.
Test 914-1612
Name: Junior Researcher van den Berg
Date: 10/06/2020
Total Items: Four pairs of generic stainless steel scissors
Note: I wonder how 914 would react to everyday household objects? Surely it wouldn't cause much of a risk, right? - J. R. van den Berg
Input: One pair of stainless steel scissors
Setting: Rough
Output: One heavily-rusted, unusable pair of stainless steel scissors.
Input: One pair of generic stainless steel scissors
Setting: Coarse
Output: Disassembled parts that comprise the stainless steel scissors placed in Input booth prior to testing. All individual pieces lined up upon checking Output area.
Input: One pair of generic stainless steel scissors
Setting: 1:1
Output: One pair of generic garden shears. Noticeably, the garden shears are smaller as well as lighter than a standard pair of garden shears, which would account for the lack of mass with the output result.
Input: One pair of generic stainless steel scissors
Setting: Fine
Output: One unaltered pair of scissors. One pair of visually unaltered scissors that cannot cut any solid matter. However, when the blades are passed through a mass of liquid matter, the liquid anomalously separates into distinct pieces that cannot be rejoined no matter how much force is applied in attempt to rejoin the two parts back together. Further observation reveals that both separated liquid matter behaved similar to the properties of oil and water. The anomalous property of the scissors dissipated after approximately nine minutes and fourteen seconds.
Note: So the idea of surface tension doesn't seem to apply to this particular pair. Huh. - J. R. van den Berg
Test 914-1613
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 10/06/2020
Total Items: Two maps of Canada, three rectangular plane mirrors measuring 37 cm by 60 cm
Input: One map of Canada
Setting: Fine
Output: One map of the Pacific Northwest. Notably, the Salt Lake Basin is labeled as part of the region despite being hydrologically part of the Great Basin. Only cities with a population above 30 thousand are shown.
Input: One map of Canada
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A map of Canada, with Alaska and minor border irregularities with the United States included with it; and with Quebec and portions of New Brunswick, Newfoundland and Labrador, and Ontario excluded. Individuals who touch the map would identify themselves as Québécois nationalists for exactly 1976 seconds.
Note: The D-class who handled this output proceeded to quote Charles De Gaulle, shouted "Vive le Québec Libre", and annoyed us for the next 33 minutes. - JR Reimer
Input: One plane mirror
Setting: 1:1
Output: One two-way mirror
Input: One plane mirror
Setting: Fine
Output: A convex mirror which shows the property of a concave mirror. Placed in Anomalous Storage.
Note: I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's surely disorienting for one. - JR Reimer
Input: One plane mirror
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A plane mirror which shows the viewer's equivalent from Universe Sierra286[REDACTED]. The name, date of birth, hometown, and (if applicable) date of death of the person also appears on the mirror. If shown to a person without an analogue from said universe, no reflection appears.
Note: And I thought the circumstances of my birth (thank ███████ for that) would mean that I wouldn't have a reflection in this mirror, but it turns out I do. Not sure whether I should be glad that I'm not alone, or be horrified that there are others who [REDACTED]. - JR Reimer
Test 914-1614
Name: Intern Singley
Date: 10/06/2020
Total Items: Three orange traffic cones
Note: Hey guys! I'm new here. Just got transferred from Facility-21. I thought for my first test I would start out relatively small, to stay safe. - Intern Singley
Input: One orange traffic cone
Setting: 1:1
Output: One green traffic cone
Input: One orange traffic cone
Setting: Fine
Output: One traffic cone which is surrounded by an invisible barrier that extends 15cm from the cone. Matter of organic composition is unable to pass this barrier. Object transferred to incinerator via robotic arm.
Input: One orange traffic cone
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One unchanged traffic cone One traffic cone which affixes itself to the head of any person, who is performing an action that defies a set of rules. This set of rules is currently not known but is hypothesized to match basic rules of morality. When the cone is affixed onto a subject's head in this way, it causes them to immediately seize up, stand in place, and say the word "cone" repeatedly until it is removed from their head. The test result will not initiate this process, unless it is placed with its base on a flat surface.
Note: This is strange, but I suppose we could use it to prevent people from inputting things they're not supposed to. - Intern Singley
Test 914-1615
Name: Researcher Schwartz
Date: 10/06/2020
Total Items: Five sealed cans of Monster Energy Ultra
Note: I already drink way too many of these. I wonder how 914 would react to them? - Researcher Schwartz
Input: One can of Monster Ultra
Setting: Rough
Output: Pool of grey liquid totalling 500mL littered with scraps of shredded metal later identified to be aluminium. The liquid was identical in composition to Monster Ultra.
Input: One can of Monster Ultra
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pool of carbonated water, a small pile of white crystalline powder, and a small ball of aluminium weighing approximately 20g.
Input: One can of Monster Ultra
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 500ml can of Red Bull.
Note: Not all energy drinks are created equal! - J. R. Garinet
Input: One can of Monster Ultra
Setting: Fine
Output: One can of Monster Ultra that occasionally emits "sipping" sounds when held by someone between 30 and 40 years of age.
Input: One can of Monster Ultra
Setting: Very fine
Output: One 500ml can coloured solid white with no identifying marks or patterns.
When opened by D-59846, it was observed to contain a sparkling yellow liquid with an odor similar to cherries.
D-59846 collapsed after drinking the liquid and could not be resuscitated. Autopsy confirmed death was caused by myocardial rupture induced by extreme tachycardia.
The liquid was analyzed as having a caffeine and cobalamin (B12) content approximately 5000 times higher than a regular can of Monster Ultra.
Note: Maybe 914 is trying to warn me to cut back on these. - Researcher Schwartz
Note: Nah, just keep it to less than 5000. Also, I hate to be that safety guy, but: first chemical analysis, then taste testing. - J. R. Garinet
Test 914-1616
Name: Researcher Richelieu
Date: 11/06/2020
Total items: Five samples of crude, unrefined petroleum. The samples are contained within seperate 500mL beakers.
Input: One sample
Setting: Rough
Output: The same sample of petroleum undergoing combustion.
Input: One sample
Setting: Coarse
Output: Several small puddles of oil-like substances, one pile of boron silicate dust. Testing shows oil-like substances to be hydrocarbons that constitutes the petroleum sample, sorted by molar mass.
Input: One sample
Setting: 1:1
Output: One lump of coal. The air inside the output booth was noted to have higher moisture content.
Input: One sample
Setting: Fine
Output: One anomalously animated solidified mass of petroleum. The object regularly changed shape to resemble life forms that existed before the Carboniferous Era. Neutralised by incineration after output attempted to attack Researcher Richelieu's ankle while taking the shape of a miniature Pulmonoscorpius.
Input: One sample
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Identical to input
Note: Something's a bit off with this one. I'm putting it in Anomalous Storage. - Richelieu
Addendum: During the afternoon of ██/06/2020, approximately ██ humanoid entities manifested in the carpark of Facility 19-23. Security footage shows the entities to be dressed in military gear, similar to that of the US Marine Corps. Entities subdued the entire security team with non-lethal weaponry before breaking into Anomalous Storage. Upon locating the beaker of petroleum, the entities began to sing "America, Fuck Yeah" featured in the 2004 German-American co-produced film "Team America: World Police". Entities disappeared along with the sample of petroleum after the song ended.
Note: After going over the footage, we noticed that this didn't actually happen. Richelieu had a hallucinogenic episode and likely wrote this the above report during it. We checked over the security feed, and it seems he took the sample back out of Storage, ran out of the building, ignoring every coworker that attempted to communicate, tripped and spilled the sample on the parking lot. Then he stood back up, and remained still for about 8 minutes. Then, he slowly shuffled back inside to his living space. The sample has been deemed neutralised, and Richelieu is currently undergoing psychological screening. - Veritas
Test 914-1617
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 12/06/2020
Total Items: Three Worm on a String toys
Input: One Worm on a String toy
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Worm on a String toy with the string attached to the tail end rather than the head.
Note: I’m going to call it String on a Worm. - JR Boneka
Input: One Worm on a String toy
Setting: 1:1
Output: Five Worm on a String toys, each one-fifth the mass of the original.
Input: One Worm on a String toy
Setting: Fine
Output: One detached string, one visually unchanged worm toy. When personnel were transporting it to another room to be examined, the output suddenly became animate and escaped neutralization attempts by anomalously phasing through the floor.
Addendum: The next morning, the worm toy was discovered in the parking lot dragging a kitchen knife with its tail, attempting to slash the tires of JR Boneka’s car, though it was unable to cause any damage due to a lack of strength. Security personnel safely captured and incinerated the output, and the knife was returned to the facility kitchen.
Test 914-1618
Name: Dr. Green
Date: 15/06/2020
Total Items: Five sheets of paper with the word "3D" printed on them. The 3 was printed with red ink, while the D was printed with blue ink.
Input: One item mentioned above
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of shredded paper with traces of red and blue ink.
Input: One item mentioned above
Setting: Coarse
Output: A sheet of paper, and a puddle of red and blue ink.
Input: One item mentioned above
Setting: Fine
Output: The same sheet of paper. However, the word "3D" now has the appearance of traditional 3 dimensional art. With the width of the word extending backwards towards the lower edge of the page.
Input: One item mentioned above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A paper sculpture of the word 3D, roughly 15 cm tall and 5 cm thick. It began to levitate, and moved rapidly towards and away from the faces of anyone observing it, similar to the way early 3D film would emphasise the 3D aspect of the movie.
Test 914-1619
Name: Junior Researcher E. Williams
Date: 18/06/2020
Total Items: One Foundation standard-issue gas mask.
Input: Aforementioned gas mask.
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unaltered gas mask. A D-class subject was instructed to wear the mask; subject reported that the mask felt very easy to breathe in. After 15 minutes, subject had a seizure and collapsed. The mask was removed and subject was taken away by medical personnel.
Addendum: Further testing revealed that the mask anomalously converts all fluids (D-81162 wore the mask underwater for five minutes with no ill effects) inhaled through its filter into pure oxygen. At standard atmospheric pressure, this is enough to cause oxygen poisoning within minutes. Object has been placed in Anomalous Storage pending permission for additional testing.
Note: While one probably wouldn't want to wear it for too long, there are probably circumstances where this would still be useful. - J.R. Williams
Test 914-1620
Name: Intern Sora
Date: 19/06/2020
Total items: One copy of horror game “Five Nights at Freddy’s”, one copy of action game “Player Unknown’s Battleground”, one copy of sandbox game “Terraria”, one copy of dating simulator “Doki Doki Literature Club!”, all on separate USB sticks
Input: Copy of “FNAF”
Setting: Fine
Output: Identical USB stick. The USB stick contains “It’s Been So Long” by The Living Tombstone, a fan-made song that hints at the lore of the FNAF series. An auditory cognitohazard is found in the song which induces a feeling of “disturbing” and “unsettling” in the listener that lasts for 83 seconds after exposure.
Input: Copy of “PUBG”
Setting: Fine
Output: Identical USB stick. The USB stick contains a file named “吃鸡外挂”. When executed, a 3D printer in a nearby town’s stationery store was activated and produced various firearm parts, which assemble into a Kar98k rifle. The rifle appears to accept normal 8mm Mauser rounds and functions normally despite being built out of plastic parts. During testing, it was found that bullets exiting the barrel would anomalously home in and hit the user’s intended target, despite the direction which the barrel is pointed towards.
Note: Lucky the stationery shop was one of our front companies, so we didn’t need to amnesticise anyone. - Sora
Input: Copy of “Terraria”
Setting: Fine
Output: Identical USB stick. The USB stick contains a desktop pet that takes the shape of a slime enemy from the game. The user is able to interact with the slime in various ways, such as “feeding” it files and engaging in conversations, which will increase its “experience”. At different thresholds, the slime pet will change shape and colour into another variant from the game.
Note: Petition to keep this on my personal PC after it passes anomalous screening? - Sora
Note: It's your head if Rosen finds out it creates anomalous viruses. - Veritas
Input: Copy of “DDLC”
Setting: Fine
Output: Identical USB stick. The USB stick contained a seemingly unchanged copy of the game but when run, the game immediately deleted itself and could not be retrieved. USB stick incinerated.
Test 914-1621
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 20/06/2020
Total Items: Two sets of DVDs, containing all canon Star Wars movies, animated shows, and live-action TV shows.
Input: A set of Star Wars DVDs
Setting: Fine
Output: A set of Star Wars Blu-ray Discs, with major changes:
- The actors and actresses of the Original Trilogy are replaced with SCP-914 research personnel.
- Instead of following the current, Disney-mandated Canon, it follows the Legends/Extended Universe timeline.
- Grand Moff Tarkin (played by Dr. Nukea) was mentioned to have escaped the Death Star, only to fall into a Broken Entry Wormhole, and had yet to reappear after 36 years.
Input: A set of Star Wars DVDs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Visibly unchanged set of DVDs. When inserted, a version of the videos, altered recursively by SCP-3922, is played instead. In animated shows where episodes could be grouped into story arcs, a SCP-3922 affected version of the entire story arc is played instead, with only the narration of the first episode included.
Note: Yeah, that's about what would happen if you tried pulling a "Moon War Anthology" on "Star Wars". - JR Reimer
Test 914-1622
Name: Junior Researcher Garinet, D-81162
Date: 25/06/2020
Total Items: Two 5g samples of a "room temperature ceramic superconductor"
Note: I have told D-81162 that these ceramic rods are room temperature superconductors. In reality, they are common YBCO superconductors. D-81162 will be conducting the test. - J. R. Garinet
Input: Superconductor
Setting: 1:1
Output: One ceramic soup spoon, with a large hole in the middle.
Input: Superconductor
Setting: Fine
Output: One ceramic monocle frame, without a lens. Has a memetic effect which causes the person holding or wearing it to believe that it actually does hold a lens, which is perfectly transparent. D-81162 refused to touch the "lens", citing a paralyzing fear of "smudging it." Item placed in Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1623
Name: Researcher Connolly, D-45218
Date: 26/06/2020
Total Items: Two 32 GB USB drives (empty), two copies of Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, two photos of Researcher Connolly (present day), two plastic models of the TARDIS from Doctor Who.
Note: I can’t stop thinking about the temporal knowledge of 914. It shouldn’t be able to predict the future, and yet my previous tests have demonstrated it can. It might have been a coincidence, but perhaps in this same way, it can provide some knowledge on the past. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One of each of the above items
Setting: Fine
Output: One pile of ash, one 32 GB USB drive. Contents of the USB drive are a copy of a book titled “Secrets, Control, and Power,” written by one Marcus Connolly, dated 180 “AG”. The book contains essays detailing Marcus’s experiences in an organization called “The League”, presumably an analogue to the Foundation. One essay details the discovery of SCP-914 in a silver mine in Hispania by Lucius Veritas and other legionnaires.
Input: One of each of the above items
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One pile of ash, one 32 GB USB drive, one untitled book. The USB drive contains only a word document consisting of the sentence, “You asked for it.” The book is completely blank, with no text of any kind nor any symbols. D-45218 was ordered to open and read it. After no immediate effects, adverse or otherwise, occurred, Researcher Connolly opened the book as well. 15 minutes after opening and closing the book, both D-45218 and Researcher Connolly fell unconscious. After regaining consciousness, both were diagnosed by on-site medical personnel as having blindness.
Addendum: This blindness was later revealed to be temporary. Approximately 24 hours after the diagnosis of the subjects, both independently reported their vision returning.
Note: The book appears to induce an effect remarkably similar to that of SCP-1230. When questioned on their unconscious experience, D-45218 reported entering a ''dreamscape composed of the ruins of modern-day New York City'', before being forcibly awoken. I saw some weird Steampunk version of London. Given the risk, the book has been (begrudgingly) incinerated. - Researcher Connolly
Test 914-1624
Name: Intern R. Skye, D-50148
Date: 26/06/2020
Total Items: On the Railroad and John Paul Jones is a Pirate of The Longest Johns saved on separate USB flash drives.
Input: USB flash drive containing On the Railroad
Setting: Fine
Output: One USB flash drive identical to input. When inserted, a Java application called Shimeji starts, which places an interactable train on screen. The program stops after 2 minutes and 48 seconds, which also results the disappearance of the train. Total file size occupied by the program is the same as the audio input.
Input: USB flash drive containing John Paul Jones is a Pirate
Setting: 1:1
Output: One USB flash drive identical to input. Flash drive contains an offline Wikipedia article of John Paul Jones. Total file size occupied by the HTML page is equal to the size of audio file, resulting in scaled down images used in the page.
Test 914-1625
Name: Intern Blackwood
Date: 29/06/2020
Total Items: One introductory note, five pairs of khaki pants
Note: I’m slightly new, but I’m looking forward to testing here. I’ve definitely heard some… interesting stories. - Intern Blackwood
Input: Introductory note, reading "Hello 914, my name is Blackwood, I am excited to be testing with you"
Setting: 1:1
Output: A piece of paper with a cognitohazardous image causing any viewer to act extremely manic and enthusiastic for 2 hours.
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of shredded fabric covered with what appears to be burn marks and a small puddle of melted metal, which was later confirmed to be steel and small amounts of brass.
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: Coarse
Output: Several pieces of khaki fabric, two squares of white pocket lining, a small disk of stainless steel plated in brass, and a small coil of brown string.
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: 1:1
Output: One suit jacket made of khaki fabric. The suit jacket is noticeably small and appears to be fitted for a child, possibly due to lack of materials.
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: Fine
Output: One pair of khaki pants. The waistband anomalously fits to the waist of whomever wears them by adding or subtracting length to the pant legs. This makes the pants usually unwearable as they are too long or too short for the person wearing them.
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A fedora made of khaki fabric that anomalously makes the wearer appear to be clothed in formal wear commonly worn around the early 1900’s to all observers. The clothing appears to be made entirely from khaki fabric. Due to the lack of stiffness in the fabric, the hat lacks structure to be worn normally.
Note: Both pairs of pants have been placed in Anomalous Storage. All in all, not a bad first test. I'm excited for many more. - Intern Blackwood
Test 914-1626
Name: Junior Researcher van den Berg
Date: 30/06/2020
Total Items: Five PlayStation 4 discs of the game, “Final Fantasy 7 Remake” (Part One)
Note: This took a considerable chunk out of my research budget. Let's see how this will go. - J.R. van den Berg
Input: One PlayStation 4 disc of the game, “Final Fantasy 7 Remake” (Part One)
Setting: Rough
Output: One destroyed game disc, broken into several pieces
Input: One PlayStation 4 disc of the game, “Final Fantasy 7 Remake” (Part One)
Setting: Coarse
Output: One non-functional PlayStation 4 disc of the game, “Final Fantasy 7 Remake” (Part One), scratched in several places and inoperable when inserted onto a gaming platform.
Input: One PlayStation 4 disc of the game, “Final Fantasy 7 Remake” (Part One)
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three discs of the PlayStation 1 game, “Final Fantasy 7”. Noticeably, the output discs are much smaller than a standard-sized disc which would compensate for lack of mass in the output.
Note: Is it alluding to the original game with this output? - J.R. van den Berg
Input: One PlayStation 4 disc of the game, “Final Fantasy 7 Remake” (Part One)
Setting: 1:1
Output: One PlayStation 4 disc of the game, “Kingdom Hearts 3”. It should be noted that both titles are produced by the same gaming company.
Input: One PlayStation 4 disc of the game, “Kingdom Hearts 3”
Setting: 1:1
Output: One PlayStation 4 disc of the game, “Persona 5 Royal”.
Input: One PlayStation 4 disc for the game “Final Fantasy 7 Remake” (Part One)
Setting: 1:1
Output: One PlayStation 914 disc for the game “Final Fantasy 7 Remake” (Part Two), incompatible with all known media devices.
Note: As of now, the currently-released edition, Part One, only covers Final Fantasy 7 up to the City of Midgar in-game. I'm curious to know how much of the game is in Part Two and how many hours of game time is included, but since the output result cannot be played… well, back to the drawing board. - J.R. van den Berg
Note: We're barely on the PS5 yet, so it'll be a long time before the PS914 is released. Happy waiting, Laurence. - J.R. Kai
Test 914-1627
Name: Junior Researcher Barovich
Date: 30/06/2020
Total Items: Three SecureCo™ Biometric Gun Safes, set to recognize the thumbprint of Personnel D-468
Input: One SecureCo™ Biometric Gun Safe
Setting: 1:1
Output: One SecureCo™ Biometric Gun Safe. The safe failed to open when D-468 placed his thumb against the scanner. Further testing revealed the safe unlocked to the thumbprint of Personnel D-381, a different D-Class currently also stationed at Site-19 Facility 23.
Note: At least it didn't change the thumbprint to someone at a different site. - J.R. Barovich
Input: One SecureCo™ Biometric Gun Safe
Setting: Fine
Output: One SecureCo™ Biometric Gun Safe. The safe opened as expected when D-468 scanned his thumb. When scanned by D-381, the safe delivered a non-lethal 40,000V electric shock, akin to a stun gun.
Input: One SecureCo™ Biometric Gun Safe
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One SecureCo™ Biometric Gun Safe. The safe unlocked as expected when D-468 scanned his thumb. No unusual behavior when D-381 scanned his thumb. When opened, the interior of the safe appeared to be the inside of a human stomach. When instructed to reach inside, D-468 proceeded to do so and immediately retracted his hand, complaining of stomach pains. D-468 was ordered to consume 220mL of water, which appeared in the interior of the safe.
Note: That was rather repulsive, but it does confirm that SCP-914 is able to associate fingerprints with the person they belong to. - J.R. Barovich
Test 914-1628
Name: Intern Singley
Date: 30/06/2020
Total Items: Three pairs of generic running shoes
Input: One pair of running shoes
Setting: 1:1
Output: Loafers of an unknown manufacturer
Note: Seems about right for a 1:1 - Intern Singley
Input: One pair of running shoes
Setting: Fine
Output: One pair of slippers, D-Class testing the slippers described them as, "very comfortable".
Input: One pair of running shoes
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One pair of Crocs that has an anomalous property that causes anyone that wears them to perceive them as extremely stylish. Described as unfashionable or even repulsive in some form by other observers. Placed in anomalous storage Incinerated.
Note: Look, all I'm saying is that they looked so much better on me. - Intern Singley
Note: They squeak so much, the noise is unbearable - Intern Lunar
Note: Those Crocs are like if someone decided to turn chlamydia into a pair of shoes. Kindly destroy them, they are an affront to humanity. - Junior Researcher Falstaff
Note: The item was incinerated at some point this afternoon, and no one can tell me by whom. From what I'm reading, that person did everyone a favour. - Veritas
Test 914-1629
Name: Junior Researcher Garinet
Date: 30/06/2020
Total Items: Five copies of a five-page SCP-914 experimentation deaths report, printed on A4 paper. Report covers deaths resulting from 914 testing over the span of 12 years, including:
- Deaths caused directly by 914 output
- Deaths caused indirectly by effects of 914 output (for example, during containment breaches caused by 914 experimentation)
- Deaths caused by personnel during experimentation (for example, persons used as experimental subjects)
Statistics summarized below:
| Tests | Tests with Fatalities | Personnel Fatalities |
|---|---|---|
| ██████ | 9 | 9 D-class |
| 100-199 | 4 | 3 security, ██ civilians, 3 D-class |
| 200-299 | 4 | 1 researcher, 6 D-class |
| 300-399 | 4 | 2 researchers, 1 staff, 1 D-class |
| 400-499 | 4 | 4 D-class |
| 500-599 | 10 | 3 researchers, 10 D-class, ████████1 |
| 600-699 | 6 | 5 researchers, 1 security, 18 other staff, 7 D-class |
| 700-799 | 11 | 1 researcher, 10 D-class |
| 800-899 | 11 | 1 researcher, 11 D-class |
| 900-999 | 8 | 2 security, 7 D-class |
| 1000-1099 | 5 | 6 D-class |
| 1100-1199 | 9 | 9 D-class |
| 1200-1299 | 3 | 3 D-class |
| 1300-1399 | 9 | 1 researcher, 21 D-class |
| 1400-1499 | 8 | 1 researchers, 5 security, 1 staff, 11 D-class |
| 1500-1599 | 4 | 5 D-class |
Input: One copy of deaths report
Setting: Rough
Output: Pages destroyed in a variety of ways; evidence of cutting, tearing, burning, and abrasion found.
Input: One copy of deaths report
Setting: Coarse
Output: One copy of "eaths report". All copies of the letter "D" (both lower and upper case) have been removed; remaining letters have been reprinted to be about 5% thicker.
Input: One copy of deaths report
Setting: 1:1
Output: One five-page typewritten document, in English and German. Labelled as a transcript from United States of America v. Karl Brandt, et al (the war crimes tribunal for Nazi doctors). Strangely, it contains an interview with Josef Mengele, who had evaded capture and died as a fugitive years later. In the transcript, Mengele is uncooperative, and the interview is cut short after several ideological rants by the defendant. Filed in Non-Anomalous Storage.
Note: That's pretty harsh, 914. - J. R. Garinet
Input: One copy of deaths report
Setting: Fine
Output: 10 thin pages with faint, small writing. Contains a full copy of Belmont Report: Ethical Principles and Guidelines for the Protection of Human Subjects of Research, Report of the National Commission for the Protection of Human Subjects of Biomedical and Behavioural Research. Output confirmed non-anomalous and does not deviate from the original text; incinerated.
Input: One copy of deaths report
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One form, titled "Standard D-class Subject Test Report," with spaces left to fill in testing materials, methods, and results. When filled out with the details of a hypothetical experiment, results are anomalously filled in. Form "resets" and ink or graphite used anomalously vanishes after 30 minutes.
Note: This could revolutionise the way we test! - J. R. Garinet
Note: Never mind. The predicted "results" are always horrible and usually end in multiple fatalities. "D-class instructed to consume glass of water" led to a massive containment breach. Put in Anomalous Storage. - J. R. Garinet
Test 914-1630
Name: Intern Blackwood
Date: 05/07/2020
Total Items: Five pairs of khaki pants
Note: I’d like to test with the same materials again. Hopefully this could provide some insight into 914's reactions. -Intern Blackwood
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of fine dust later confirmed to be a combination of cotton fabric and metal shavings. The powder was accidentally disturbed during retrieval and proved highly inflammable. Intern Blackwood was treated for 2nd degree burns on his face, arms, and torso.
Note: Lesson learned. Use caution and a D-Class when retrieving any output. -Intern Blackwood
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: Coarse
Output: A roll of khaki fabric around a thin metal tube. The fabric was bound tightly to the tube by brown thread.
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: 1:1
Output: A khaki skirt with intricate clockwork-esque designs woven into it with thin metal thread.
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: Fine
Output: One pair of khaki pants with the anomalous property of forcing the wearer to dance uncontrollably. The wearer only ceases movement if the output is removed or if the wearer collapses from exhaustion.
Input: One pair of khaki pants
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A stylized garrote made of fabric with intricate embroidery that anomalously compels its holder to strangle the closest person to them. As soon as the D-Class retrieved the item, they assaulted Blackwood and attempted to asphyxiate him. D-Class terminated by security personnel.
Addendum: Incinerated with some difficulty. Ashes do not display any anomalous properties.
Note: That was painful. I’m going to refrain from testing for a while due to health concerns. - Intern Blackwood
Test 914-1631
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 06/07/2020
Total Items: Three Pickelhauben used by Prussian infantry, three APS Stechkin Automatic Pistols (not loaded)
Input: A Prussian Pickelhaube
Setting: 1:1
Output: A Pickelhaube, used by the Bavarian military.
Input: An APS
Setting: Fine
Output: An M1911
Input: A Prussian Pickelhaube
Setting: 1:1
Output: A flexible Pickelhaube with Pan-European and Victorian markings. Unfolding it yields a map of Europe which shows the alliance systems of the "Imperial League" and the "European Commonwealth", the former of which corresponds to all nations whose royal families are tied to Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom and King Christian IX of Denmark.
Input: An APS
Setting: Fine
Output: A Glock 17, with the extra mass used for spare magazines.
Input: A Prussian Pickelhaube, an APS
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Two items:
- A Pickelhaube, similar in design to those used in the Russian Empire, but with the spike folded into the form of an "ahoge".
- A recolored but otherwise unchanged APS.
When using the output APS pistol while wearing the output Pickelhaube, the user is anomalously compelled to use the pistol in the most effective manner possible. Using any other APS pistol while wearing the Pickelhaube would not trigger the effects.
Test 914-1632
Name: Researcher Countac
Date: 07/07/2020
Total Items: Five Nokia 2.2 Android smartphones
Input: One Nokia 2.2 Android smartphone
Setting: Fine
Output: One Apple iPhone of unknown model. Subsequent analysis reveals minor software and hardware improvements over most modern day smartphones. However, the device's backside appears to be entirely covered in a variety of lenses without any obvious use.
Input: One Nokia 2.2 Android smartphone
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One thick bottomed shot glass with assorted electronics presumably inside the bottom. Upon exiting SCP-914, test result immediately filled with water, presumed to have been extracted from the ambient moisture. When Researcher Countac made contact with the glass, all water contained within immediately evaporated, and test result stated that "this is a demo product, if you would like to purchase the full version, please ask one of our in store employees".
Input: One Nokia 2.2 Android smartphone
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One smartphone of unknown make and model. Smartphone is approximately 3mm thick, with its exterior constructed entirely from fingerprint resistant reinforced glass. All modern day smartphone features, such as changing port and camera lens, are either entirely wireless, embedded beneath the glass, or non-existent. Attempts at operating smartphone are met with failure, as a brain-computer interface appears necessary.
Input: One Nokia 2.2 Android smartphone
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 12 cm3 cuboid constructed from an unknown, reflective material. Analysis of test result revealed that said cuboid additionally possessed a variety of electronics, allowing it to collect, store, process, and even broadcast information. Attempted communication with test result revealed it to be possibly sentient. However, this is of minimal concern, as the cuboid appears to posses no internal memory, causing it to constantly emit a stream of incomprehensible information.
Input: One Nokia 2.2 Android smartphone
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Nokia 2.2 Android smartphone otherwise identical to the input, containing text from a sender called "Rohith". Researcher Countac, despite warnings from his assistant, immediately read the text, and upon finishing it, ceased all subsequent testing on SCP-914. Analysis of test result revealed no abnormal properties.
Note: I'm going to stop testing for now. I'll send some of the outputs to the ETS and Manufacturing Departments for some analysis, but can I keep the last one? - Researcher Countac
Note: Get it screened first. - Veritas
Test 914-1633
Name: Junior Researcher Garinet
Date: 08/07/2020
Total Items: Four 60 mL bottles of hot sauce, pasteurized and filtered. Scoville rating is approximately 100,000.
Note: Due to increased risk of chemical burns, we're taking extra precautions in handling the outputs. - J. R. Garinet
Input: One bottle of hot sauce
Setting: 1:1
Output: One reddish flask of clear "hurt sauce". Contains water with very thin shards of glass suspended in it.
Input: One bottle of hot sauce
Setting: 1:1
Output: One small Erlenmeyer flask of amber liquid with a small, circular black label. Chemical analysis found high concentrations of piperine.
Note: Piperine is what gives black pepper its burn. It's chemically similar to capsaicin. - J. R. Garinet
Input: One bottle of hot sauce
Setting: 1:1
Output: One rectangular bottle of dark liquid, labeled, "№ 914 Fever Tonic," in the style of early 20th century patent remedies. Contains high concentrations of prosidol (an opioid) and droxypropine (a cough suppressant.) Notably, both have the same chemical formula (C18H27NO3) as capsaicin. Other components could not be readily identified.
Note: It still smells like hot sauce. I suspect it would do more harm than good if you drank it. The bottle might make a nice decoration. - J. R. Garinet
Input: One bottle of hot sauce
Setting: Fine
Output: One graduated cylinder of "Hort Sauce," a viscous, pale green liquid. After initial hazard testing, output sent to Dr. Hort for analysis.
Note: This is almost exactly what I needed for a planned experiment! Somehow, it's got a bit of my DNA, so it will take some time to purify. - Dr. Hort
Note: Keep us posted on any findings about your sauce. - J. R. Garinet
Note: Am I the only one a little concerned about where and how it got a hold of Hort’s DNA? - Researcher Connolly
Input: One bottle of hot sauce
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One extremely sexy bottle of sauce A bottle of green chili sauce which anomalously causes observers to find it attractive. Placed in storage pending further study.
Note; Just look at that neck! Very fine, indeed. I must draw you! - J. R. Garinet
Note: "'Further study" denied. Output incinerated. - Veritas
Test 914-1634
Name: Researcher Darvis, Researcher Daris
Date: 09/07/2020
Total Items: One introduction note from Researcher Darvis, one picture of Researcher Daris wearing a lab coat, five chocolate bunnies, one pocket watch
Input: One note, inputted by Researcher Daris
Setting: Rough
Output: One burning ball of paper, and a small pile of graphite.
Input: One picture, inputted by Researcher Darvis
Setting: 1:1
Output: One extremely tiny paper ball, weighing the same as the input. Analysis with high-powered microscopes revealed it to be an extremely dense, microscopic statue of Researcher Daris wearing a "hoodie" and performing a dance known as ''the disco."
Note: I do not ever recall doing that. I also have a slight aversion to disco. - Researcher Daris
Input: Five chocolate bunnies, one pocket watch, inputted by Researcher Darvis
Setting: 1:1 Fine
Output: One extremely small, ornate metal jar with a glass bottom containing a small, black marble. The jar is extremely resistant to damage of all types.
Addendum: Based on several external scans, it appears the marble is made of extremely condensed chocolate, and is kept such by high air pressure inside the jar.
Test 914-1635
Name: Researcher Ken
Date: 09/07/2020
Total Items: Three DVD copies of the game Fallout: New Vegas for PC
Note: Greetings everyone, I've been recently transferred to this Facility. I've chosen games for my first experiment because I believe they're a much safer option than most experiments, but I will still be taking the necessary safety measures on Very Fine. - Researcher Ken
Input: One DVD copy of the aforementioned game
Setting: 1:1
Output: One DVD copy of the game The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind for the original Xbox console
Note: Both are made by Bethesda and Morrowind is widely considered to be the best Elder Scrolls game. If anyone has an old Xbox available, I'm happy to let you keep the game once it passes testing. - Researcher Ken
Input: One DVD copy of the aforementioned game
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged DVD that when launched and played, was found to have all deleted content fit the game's story. The map has also been expanded to show different areas that were inaccessible in the original game.
Note: While this is certainly an improvement, it seems that all the expanded areas of the map only have generic NPCs and not any storyline quests, so it's not a big improvement. Request to donate this to the breakroom once it passes testing? - Researcher Ken
Note: Since I understand the inherent risks of testing on the Very Fine setting, the output will be retrieved and examined by a D-class with the necessary safety measures. - Researcher Ken
Input: One DVD copy of the aforementioned game
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One miniature model of The Courier from the game along with a small dial on the right side of the model, entirely made from the materials of the inputted DVD. The model changes it's gender depending on the gender of the closest subject. No other anomalous effects were observed until the D-class was instructed to turn the dial of the model once. Upon doing so, the output anomalously reshaped itself into a model of Doc Mitchell from the same game, producing a cognitohazard that causes the subject holding it to believe that they are the character portrayed by the model. Further testing shows that the model can change to any character from the game by rotating the dial once.
Note: D-class was amnesticized and sent back to their cell. As well-made as the model is, there are too many risks involved in keeping it, we have enough cognitohazards laying around. Incinerated. - Researcher Ken
Test 914-1636
Name: Intern Rowan Skye
Date: 09/07/2020
Total Items: One metal wheelbarrow, one backpack containing various sheets of used paper
Input: One wheelbarrow, one backpack
Setting: Fine
Output: A lightweight iron box containing leather designs on its rim, in the shape of hearts and four wheels which are a fifth of the size of the original wheel as support. Looking into the box induces a hallucination that it is a full set of medical records of the viewer from birth to death.
Input: Above output
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Four animate metal meerkats capable of primitive speech. Output was observed to have lower intelligence than live specimens of meerkat (Suricata suricatta), yet were observed to warn of any signs of danger by swarming the closest person. Behaviour of outputs was observed for an hour before being incinerated.
Note: As much as I want to keep them, I did read about Reepicheep. And I don't want those ruining any tests. - Intern R. Skye
Test 914-1637
Name: J.R. Labiosis
Date: 09/07/2020
Total Items: One CD-ROM containing music traditionally associated with the music of the Dutch Carnaval Festival
Input: Above CD-ROM
Setting: Rough
Output: A destroyed CD-ROM, appearing to have been cut apart by a high-powered laser
Note: Finally. - J.R. Labiosis
Note: Personnel are kindly reminded not to use SCP-914 as a personal shredder. Thank you. - Veritas
Test 914-1638
Name: Junior Researcher van den Berg, D-42907
Date: 09/07/2020
Total Items: Five generic electric fans
Note: I want to see what 914 will do with something like this. A D-class will be retrieving and testing the outputs. - J.R. van den Berg
Input: One electric fan
Setting: Rough
Output: One electric fan, covered in rust and rendered inoperable
Input: One electric fan
Setting: Coarse
Output: One disassembled electric fan, with all parts lined up accordingly in the Output booth
Note: Seems about right for the first two settings. - J.R. van den Berg
Input: One electric fan
Setting: 1:1
Output: One PC fan. Noticeably, the output is larger than a standard-sized computer fan used to keep a setup's CPU unit operable. Output was tested and functioned similarly to a standard-sized computer fan.
Input: One electric fan
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged fan One fan that does not have an electric cord to plug it into a wall socket. Anomalous property observed when the electric fan was switched on to the "1" setting, where it began exuding air similar to how a normal electric fan would function on the "3" setting. When the appliance was switched to the "2" setting, the protective cover of the fan came off and struck the D-class, resulting in various bruises and injuries. Further testing on the "3" setting placed on-hold.
Note: Okay, that was a bit wild. I was not expecting the cover to fly off with that setting. - J.R. van den Berg
Input: One electric fan
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One unchanged fan One fan that when turned on to any setting exudes a powerful blast of air with enough force to knock an individual off-balance. D-class operating the fan was knocked back several meters and crashed into the wall, sustaining moderate injuries. Object placed in Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1639
Name: Assistant Researcher Bat
Date: 10/07/2020
Total Items: One basketball completely encased under wet paper towels, and one football similarly encased in dry paper towels
Input: One basketball encased under wet paper towels
Setting: 1:1
Output: A dry basketball, with several sticky notes pasted around it with the word "Wet" written on all of them.
Input: One football encased in dry paper towels
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One football encased in dry paper towels. The item begun exerting an anomalous pulling effect on the sticky notes from the previous item upon being taken out of the output booth, ripping them off and sticking them onto itself. Water was observed leaking from the sticky notes upon contact, spreading into the paper towels and moisturizing them. Item was successfully dried by writing the word "Dry" on additional sticky notes and taking them to a distance of 5m near the object, which exhibited the same anomalous effects. Object transferred to Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1640
Name: Intern Beauvillier
Date: 13/07/2020
Total items: An essay on Anomalous Storage by Dr. Kensie.
Input: The aforementioned essay
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The same essay, but containing several references to non-existing Foundation members, such as "Chief Security Officer Indiana", "Head of Propaganda Officer-General Herbert Garten", and to a fictional "SCP-914 Ethics Committee". A memetic effect causes the viewer to ask themselves questions of a philosophical nature regarding the essay, SCP-914, and the Facility's methods for containing anomalous items.
Note: What could this mean? Could my view be wrong? What if we found another way to secure anomalous items? Is this what 914 does for fun? Or maybe for material gain? Does this machine have ulterior motives? Or maybe this essay is wrong? Maybe the proposed method isn't right? - Intern Beauvillier
Note: Incinerated. Someone amnesticise Beauvillier, he's starting to get on my nerves. - Veritas
Test 914-1641
Name: Dr. Clocks
Date: 13/07/2020
Total Items: Three replica wristwatches.
Input: One replica watch
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 1:700 model of what was later identified as the USS Nimitz.
Input: One replica watch
Setting: Fine
Output: One operational 1:600 model of the USS Nimitz. The dimensions are considerably higher than the original. Placed in anomalous storage due to security concerns.
Input: One replica watch
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One display screen in the theme of the United States military. The display is seemingly designed as a malfunction lamp for SCP-914. Instead of a button, there is a three-dimensional render of a position "E" on the top of the display. The display was activated through unknown means, displaying drills, artillery, rockets, casings, etc. SCP-914 appears to have no apparent way to reset itself while the display is activated. Attempts are being made to revert the malfunction lamp to its base state.
Note: It took us several hours before we managed to reset the malfunction lamp. This goes in Anomalous Storage. - Dr. Clocks
Test 914-1642
Name: Researcher Laskenta; D-38557
Date: 13/07/2020
Total Items: Several mobile phones, damaged by test result 914-1592-1
Note: After two months of replacing equipment and data-recovery - plus the associated paperwork - in which I worked closely with E&TS, we are left with some devices that were either deemed unnecessary to repair by the owner, administration, or - in Marcopus' case - will not be repaired because of obvious reasons. - Laskenta
Input: A Nokia 7.1 (64GB + 128GB microSDXC card), belonging to Researcher Marcopus
Setting: Fine
Output: The input, separated into a pile of electronics and the rest of the device, assembled. The pile consists solely of components affected by 914-1592-1. During analysis, the device was bootable without the need to replace the missing electronic components. The output proceeded with regular start-up processes until prompting for R. Marcopus' passphrase. After submitting said password, the test result started to play Lemon Tree from Fool's Garden for exactly two minutes, before repeating the last line on loop indefinitely. The output was incinerated after eleven minutes of observation; the isolated pile of affected components was also destroyed after the analysis was complete.
Input: An iPhone 8 (256GB), belonging to Junior Researcher Boneka
Setting: Fine
Output: An almost perfect grey sphere with tiny white dots, made out of the components from the input. The only imperfection observable without the use of visual aids is a camera lens. Touching the sphere causes an internal sensor to measure the change of capacitance and activate a portion of the former display, which lies directly under the lens. This projects a snake onto close surfaces. J.R. Boneka stated that she had drawn "this snake as a doodle" on her phone once.
Addendum: The projected picture contains a minor cognitohazard that compels subjects to replace the operating systems of their personal devices with an open-source alternative and study the software excessively. The output was forcefully disassembled.
Input: A Nokia 3310 3G (2017 version; Dual SIM; 128MB + 16GB microSDHC card), belonging to Junior Researcher Kai
Setting: Fine
Output: An object, resembling a counterfeit Nokia 3310 (2000 version). Turning on the device result in the phrases "Basically", "Available", "Soft state" and "Eventual consistency" listed on the screen. These attributes are the components of BASE, a consistency model used in distributed computing to achieve high availability. Further study on the relation between the input, the output and the concept of BASE is needed.
Note: The opposite of eventual consistency is ACID (atomicity, consistency, isolation, durability). I think we don't need to study a third isolation-pun. - Laskenta
Test 914-1643
Name: Junior Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku
Date: 13/07/2020
Total Items: Three plastic buckets with 10 liters of water each, three brass trumpets
Input: One bucket of water, one trumpet
Setting: 1:1
Output: One brass bucket with 10 liters of water and one plastic trumpet. The trumpet is non-functional.
Input: One bucket of water, one trumpet
Setting: Fine
Output: A small Roman style chariot made of brass and plastic, with the words "WATeRCHARIOuT"(sic) written in solid brass across the front. The back of the chariot has been blocked off, creating a hollow compartment to store water inside.
Input: One bucket of water, one trumpet
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large brass and plastic trumpet. A replaceable plastic water compartment is present on its side. Attempting to play the instrument will cause the water in the compartment to be ejected out of the trumpet. The ejection rate appears to be roughly proportional to the frequency of the note played.
Test 914-1644
Name: Junior Researcher van den Berg, D-31622 (assisting)
Date: 13/07/2020
Total Items: Five standard-issue pillows
Note: Since tests have already been done with mattresses and blankets, let's see what pillows will get us. - J.R. van den Berg
Input: One pillow
Setting: Rough
Output: Thoroughly shredded pillowcase and stuffing
Input: One pillow
Setting: Coarse
Output: Empty pillowcase, stuffing assembled into a mound
Input: One pillow
Setting: 1:1
Output: One memory-foam pillow. Said memory foam adheres and contours to the person's physical shape.
Note: D-class will be retrieving the next outputs. - J.R. van den Berg
Input: One pillow
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged pillow One pillow that can change its form, exhibiting properties similar to clay. Output mass and form adjusts to the shape that D-class had moulded it to. Anomalous property observed that output would transform back to its previous shape after approximately 9 minutes if left undisturbed.
Input: One pillow
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One identical pillow Testing D-class remarked that the output was most comfortable to use and proceeded to take a nap despite being warned against doing so. Approximately sixty seconds into the test, output attempted to smother the D-class. Output nearly succeeded in asphyxiating the D-class as security assistance was summoned to assist with removing the output from the D-class's face. Output was eventually retrieved with a robotic arm before being transferred to the incinerator.
Test 914-1645
Name: Researcher Jane Cho
Date: 14/07/2020
Total Items: One diamond pencil from a previous test.
Input: Diamond pencil
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small animate model of a rabbit made from diamond, with a cavity inside containing graphite dust. A hole is present on its bottom, causing the graphite to leak out. Upon leaving the output booth, the rabbit hopped around the containment room until its cavity was emptied. Then, it turned over on its back and squealed in a high-pitched human voice before going limp.
Test 914-1646
Name: Junior Researcher Boyett
Date: 14/07/2020
Total Items: Three copies of a recipe for jambalaya, printed on standard A4 printer paper
Note: This is my first time working with SCP-914, and I’m curious to see what it does to food recipes. I will be trying with my mother's recipe for Jambalaya. - J.R. Boyett
Input: One jambalaya recipe
Setting: 1:1
Output: One unchanged sheet of paper, with a recipe for red beans and rice in noticeably smaller font
Note: 914 seems to have moved the ink around, and it made the font smaller since red beans and rice has a longer recipe. - J.R. Boyett
Input: One jambalaya recipe
Setting: Fine
Output: A recipe for jambalaya including several unusual ingredients, including human flesh, mercury, and Psychrolutes marcidus (smooth-head blobfish) in place of usual ingredients.
Note: This dish is hardly edible if made. Besides, where am I going to get blobfish meat? - J.R. Boyett
Input: One jambalaya recipe
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One sheet of paper with a black and white image of a bowl of jambalaya. Upon further inspection, the image was found to be made of thousands of microscopic letters, repeating a recipe for jambalaya in English, Louisiana French, Spanish, and Arabic. Recipe was noted to contain several anomalous ingredients relating to Louisiana, including “Honey Island Swamp Monster Sausage” and “Katrina Debris Seasoning”. Object had a mild cognitohazard causing affected subjects to have a mild craving for foods associated with New Orleans
Test 914-1647
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 14/07/2020
Total Items: One empty Mason Jar, one Rubik’s cube, two toy pistols resembling Beretta M9s.
Input: One toy pistol
Setting: Fine
Output: A visibly modified toy pistol. Testing showed the pistol appears to have been reconfigured into a makeshift stun-gun. The output failed to surpass 100 volts, and ran out of power after 20 uses.
Input: One toy pistol
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visually unchanged pistol. Holding the pistol and firing it will play a recording of the wielder yelling “BANG!”.
Input: Mason Jar
Setting: Fine
Output: A non-anomalous glass figurine in the shape of a gear, and a small hollow sphere, approximately the same size as the Mason Jar. The sphere shattered upon attempted retrieval, and testing of the remains found it to be composed of compressed dust. The remains of the sphere were disposed of, and the figurine was given to Dr. Veritas as a desk ornament after passing screening.
Input: One Rubik’s cube
Setting: Fine
Output: A plastic multi-colored sculpture that gives the illusion that it is moving via reflective surfaces on its faces. Placed in the break room after passing screening.
Test 914-1648
Name: Intern Regal
Date: 16/07/2020
Total items: Several pieces of paper containing binary code corresponding to several states of a Turing Machine capable of multiplying numbers, a hexadecimal description of a circuit‘s memory saving the results of the aforementioned multiplication.
Note: I’m trying to see if 914 can maintain equivalences of segmented inputs to which it knows the complete interaction and structure. –Intern Regal
Input: One piece of paper containing binary code.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of paper containing different binary code, assume to be the initial input of another Turing Machine.
Input: One piece of paper containing binary code.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of paper containing different binary code, assume to be the following step of another Turing Machine.
[Redacted for brevity]
Input: One piece of paper containing binary code.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of paper containing different binary code, assume to be the output of another Turing Machine.
Addendum: After analyzing the whole compilation of outputs, it appears that they represent a Turing machine that calculates the division of the latter half of the input with the former.
Input: One hexadecimal description.
Setting: Fine
Output: One changing hexadecimal description, the change appears to be trigger by the use of 914.
Note: It seems to give a value to the inputs equivalent to their hexadecimal representation of color. –Intern Regal
Test 914-1649
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 16/07/2020
Total Items: One copy of the King James Bible, one copy of the New International Bible, one pencil, one kitchen sponge, one drinking glass, one copy of the Written Torah
Input: One copy of the King James Bible
Setting: Fine
Output: One book that contains a different translation of the Bible every time it is opened. Recorded versions include English Standard, New International, and New World, as well as versions in other languages. So far, the output has only produced already existing translations and languages.
Input: One copy of the New International Bible
Setting: Fine
Output: One Bible that is perceived in the reader’s native language. If multiple translations are available in that language, the most up-to-date one will be perceived.
Addendum: The output was presented to D-73308, who is blind. He was instructed to interact with the object. When touching them with his hands, D-73308 reported being able to feel raised Braille lettering on the pages, allowing him to read the book in Braille, despite no such lettering being physically present. Item placed in Anomalous Storage.
Input: One pencil
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One animate Worm on a String toy composed of pencil shavings. Output was quickly restrained and promptly incinerated.
Note: Again? Well, at least we took further precautions this time so it wasn’t a repeat of my previous test. - JR Boneka
Input: One kitchen sponge
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually unchanged kitchen sponge. When soaked with water and scrubbed onto another object or surface, the sponge will anomalously soak up the pigment from the object, rendering it colorless. Placed in Anomalous Storage.
Input: One drinking glass
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One wine glass. All liquids poured into the cup will anomalously take on the visual properties of red wine, including color, consistency, and translucency, until removed.
Input: One copy of the Written Torah
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One copy of the first five books of the King James Bible. Upon opening, a loud horn sounded from the output booth. No other effects observed.
Note: Aside from that noise, this appears to be an output characteristic of 1:1, which strikes me as being very suspicious. Despite my misgivings, the object passed anomalous screening and seems to have no discernible properties whatsoever. It will continue to be monitored for further developments. - JR Boneka
Test 914-1650
Name: Junior Researcher van den Berg, D-61480
Date: 16/07/2020
Total Items: One generic writing pen, black ink
Note: I’ve heard about the strange things that happen when objects are passed through the “Fine” setting, so I’ll have a D-class assisting me for this test. - J.R. van den Berg
Input: One generic writing pen, black ink
Setting: Fine Very Fine
Output: One unchanged pen One generic writing pen whose ink had changed from black to red. D-class that retrieved the pen reported that the output is working as intended when tested on a piece of blank paper. The pen was subjected through anomalous screening and passed without any abnormalities, and turned over to Junior Researcher van den Berg’s ownership.
Addendum: Approximately twenty-four hours after the test was conducted, the output broke open and began exhibiting anomalous properties that caused any writing implements within a meter circumference near the writing pen to change color from its natural hue to red. Further testing revealed the spread of the color-change to be contagious and cannot be controlled. Output and all affected objects incinerated; however, Junior Researcher van den Berg’s hands were stained with its ink when the output broke, rendering all the pens he handles red.
Note: How did the pen pass through anomalous screening without manifesting that? Now my hands are stained red because of the ink and it isn’t coming off even with a good scrubbing. - J.R. van den Berg
Incident Report: Reviewing the security footage at the time of this test showed that the D-class had moved the setting from “Fine” to “Very Fine” while Junior Researcher van den Berg was writing up the test particulars.
Note: Offending D-class personnel has been terminated. - Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-1651
Name: Intern Beauvillier
Date: 16/07/2020
Total Items: One 1-kg cube of rubber
Input: The rubber cube
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A dozen small rubber frogs with seemingly perfect elasticity. Upon opening the booth, they ejected from Research Cell 109-B at a velocity of 50 km/h. The frogs bounced between the walls of the corridors, causing some structural damage, and destroying multiple windows and doors.
Note: Intern Beauvillier is to report to my office for a performance evaluation and for a discussion on workplace safety. - Veritas
Test 914-1652
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 16/07/2020
Total Items: Three copies of William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies”, three copies of an essay written by Researcher Connolly on human behaviour, three copies of the personnel record of Site-19 Facility 23
Input: One of each of the above items
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of William Golding’s “Lord of the Gnats”, a copy of Researcher Connolly’s essay, and a copy of the personnel record. The contents of the three copies are unchanged from the originals, but with seemingly random words being replaced with the word “gnat”.
Input: One of each of the initial items
Setting: Fine
Output: Upon opening the Output chamber, Research Cell 109-B was immediately flooded with a swarm of minuscule origami specks. Output neutralized by activating the fire sprinkler system. Further investigation concluded the origami creatures were in the shape of gnats.
Input: One of each of the initial items
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A cloud of gnats. A pile of ash and a single piece of paper with the word “Scourge” written on it. Produces a memetic effect, causing the viewer to believe that they are being swarmed by insects. This effect spreads to anyone viewing the original victim. This resulted in a chain reaction that caused the majority of on-Site personnel to believe that the facility was being swarmed by gnats. Security Chief Sedna activated the on-Site quarantine blast doors and evacuated the rest of the facility. Effect lasted for two hours. Output incinerated.
Test 914-1653
Name: Junior Researcher Garinet
Date: 16/07/2020
Total Items: Four large cardboard boxes containing miscellaneous files
Note: These files were waiting to be shredded. - JR Garinet
Input: All of the aforementioned files
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small amount of dried adhesive, an assortment of metal bits that appeared to have been staples, paperclips that have been straightened out, and the original files in a single stack.
Input: Files from previous output
Setting: Rough
Output: Files, cut into 5cm2 pieces
Input: Cut-up files from previous output
Setting: Rough
Output: Files, cut into 2.5cm2 pieces
Input: Shredded files from previous output
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A swarm of animate origami flies. Most were neutralized in the test chamber, but several thousand managed to escape into the rest of the facility through the ventilation system. They do not appear to be capable of causing any damage directly; however, they are disruptive and may present a fire hazard.
Note: Reminder that using 914 as a shredder or garbage disposal is generally frowned upon. - JR Boneka
Note: Insecticides are a viable countermeasure. Junior Researcher Garinet is scheduled for evaluation in Dr. Veritas' office at my request. - Sedna
Test 914-1654
Name: Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 16/07/2020
Total Items: Two Beretta Px4 Storm pistols (loaded)
Input: Beretta Px4 Storm pistol
Setting: Fine
Output: A Welrod MkII pistol, lighter than a regular pistol of its make, and optimised for effective range. The pistol unexpectedly jammed during testing.
Note: Not a fan of this type of pistol anyways. I mean, bolt-action pistols? Why do they even exist? - WR Markham
Input: Beretta Px4 Storm pistol
Setting: Fine
Output: Visibly unchanged pistol, but chambered in armor-piercing rounds. During testing, several personnel reported feeling unwell and were subsequently tested positive for COVID-19. Analysis showed that the pistol anomalously mutates viral and bacterial agents to increase infectivity and promotes the buildup of toxins within a radius of 1.9 kilometres. Incinerated due to biohazard concerns.
Note: Our index case was a D-Class that was transferred to this facility eighteen days earlier. He was suspected to have contracted the virus from a security agent while transiting from Site-38 in Tennessee. Dr. Veritas has lodged an official complaint to the Director of Site-38, and both Site-38 and Facility-23 have been placed under quarantine. Nobody's leaving this facility for the next fourteen days, and both the Firing Range and the D-class quarters are under lockdown. We have contacted the Holy Cross Hospital in Fort Lauderdale in case something goes wrong. - WR Markham
Note: I have surgical masks but you need gloves to get them. - Intern R. Skye
Note: How does one observe social distancing in a building with over a hundred people living in it? - JR Boneka
Note: As long as the people infected get proper quarantine. That also includes any incoming and outgoing personnel since it came from another Site, which probably has a normal, non-914 strain I suppose. - Intern R. Skye
Note: What Skye said. We had virologists analyze the 914 strain, and it's basically a mutated form of the strain from the Henderson Farm outbreak. While the process of mutation is anomalous, the mutated coronavirus exhibits no anomalous properties, so proper quarantine and personal hygiene should be sufficient. - Dr. Cleveland
Note: We've seen anomalous viruses before. The cafeteria will be closed until further notice. No personnel are to leave personal quarters for any reason not related to work. Risk groups will not leave their quarters at all, and are hereby on paid leave of absence. I'll arrange a team to deliver food and toiletries. Decontamination rooms are currently being installed. - Veritas
Test 914-1655
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 17/07/2020
Total Items: One humidifier
Note: I accidentally bought a spare, so I thought I might as well use it for testing. - Researcher MacLean
Input: One humidifier
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A humidifier, appearance unaltered. When activated, it emits opaque steam that causes severe rashes or sores on contact with skin. Further testing showed that the rashes were caused by a unique strain of bacteria that appeared to thrive in the internal environment of the output. Affected personnel were quarantined, and released after symptoms abated. Object incinerated.
Test 914-1656
Name: Intern Sora
Date: 18/07/2020
Total Items: One 5-kg bowling ball
Input: Bowling ball
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged bowling ball. While the output was retrieved, security footage on the roof of the Facility captured the anomalous manifestation of several similar bowling balls in the sky, which proceeded to impact the building, causing minor structural damage. veral vibrations were detected on the facility roof. Outputted and retrieved bowling balls were all incinerated.
Note: The incinerator will be offline for the next couple of days due to serious physical impact sustained by the cooling units. If you want to get rid of something, the closest thing you can get to the incinerator will be the phosphorus grenades in the armoury. - Maintenance
Note: Don’t forget to use a proper room to incinerate your items, such as the maintenance office. - Janitorial Manager [REDACTED]
Test 914-1657
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 19/07/2020
Total Items: One wooden box, labelled with "Schrodinger's cat" in pencil, with a 50% chance of an image of a cat inside. “Randomness” was achieved by placing the image in one wooden box and given with another empty wooden box to Junior Researcher Kai to choose.
Note: Someone stole every single leaf from the kat plant on my desk. Whoever you are, know that it’s now dead because of your addiction to anomalous paper-based stimulants. Here’s hoping I can get something similar to it from SCP-914. - J.R. Kai
Input: Above wooden box
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged box, now labelled with “Kai’s infestation”
Note: Incinerate it. Now. - J.R. Kai
Addendum: En route to the incinerator room, the box crumbled away in the hands of the D-Class assigned to dispose of it, revealing a large carob pod. It was decided to temporarily store the pod in the high-security containment zone in Anomalous Storage, pending further research.
Note: Carobs are a member of the legume family, and they are commonly cultivated for their edible pods that resemble locu… oh dear. Locusts… infestation. - J.R. Kai
Addendum: Exactly nine minutes and fourteen seconds after the output was sealed in Anomalous Storage, security personnel were alerted to a containment breach in the high-security containment zone of “locust-like creatures”, which proved to be capable of anomalously “chewing” through metal and concrete (despite being made of paper). Site-19 Facility 23 was placed under lockdown while the locusts appeared to anomalously generate copies of themselves upon coming into contact with regular paper, with their projected trajectory appearing to have a final destination of SCP-914. Security personnel were armed with water hoses in an attempt to cut down the locust swarm and neutralisation efforts proved successful after half an hour. Minor injuries were sustained among personnel involved, but no deaths were logged.
Note: Never going to run duplicate tests ever again. And I’m going to run the soaked paper remains through on Rough. - J.R. Kai
Input: Seven kilograms of waterlogged paper locusts in a standard janitorial plastic bucket
Setting: Rough
Output: One highly-compressed brick of paper vaguely resembling SCP-914, several shards of the inputted plastic bucket, one large ice cube
Note: The rampant number of infestations in Facility 23 resulting from 914 lately is very concerning to me. What on Earth is happening? - JR Boneka
Test 914-1658
Name: Intern Rowan Skye, D-10548
Date: 19/07/2020
Total Items: One flashlight with a built-in hand crank
Input: Hand-crank flashlight
Setting: Fine
Output: Visually smaller flashlight. D-Class was sent to retrieve the output and instructed to operate it. After three consecutive cranks of the flashlight, the D-Class reported the output as working as intended. The flashlight passed anomalous screening and was placed in Intern R. Skye's care.
Incident Report: Twelve hours following the activation of the flashlight, both D-10548 and Intern R. Skye reported losing sight and feeling electric shocks on their right hands which dissipated an hour later. Twelve hours following the incident, a power surge was confirmed resulting in the loss of server connection and power outage. Intern R. Skye attempted to use the flashlight afterward to no avail. Anomalous re-screening showed a live wire located by the crank connected to an EMP charge and a tracking device. The tracking device was traced back to a Chaos Insurgency cell in [REDACTED]. Power has been restored and output is pending incineration.
Note: I got a scar on my hand today due to that live wire amongst the rashes. I hope I didn't lose any progress anyone made lately. The anomalous screening didn't even pick up the timed EMP charge. What's going on? - Intern R. Skye
Test 914-1659
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 20/07/2020
Total Items: One 5-kg boulder
Note: I just found out what's happening. Somebody stop her! - Intern R. Skye
Input: One 5-kg boulder
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One stone statue of a gutted lamb carcass
Incident Report: As the output booth door was opening, Intern R. Skye entered Research Cell 109-B and attempted to communicate something to JR Boneka. However, both personnel promptly collapsed. Simultaneously, ██ members of onsite personnel collapsed and subsequently entered a comatose state. The output was incinerated and all affected personnel were transferred to the facility’s infirmary, but extensive medical screening revealed no abnormalities. After investigation, the only connection found between all the affected personnel is that they are all the firstborn children of their respective households. Furthermore, the effect extended to immediate family members of onsite personnel, including older siblings and children. The comatose state was lifted after 72 hours, and all affected recovered without complications. Amnestics were administered to non-Foundation members.
Note: So it turns out that what R. Skye had figured out and was trying to tell me, was that the last test I performed somehow triggered the following ten tests to result in a 914-spurred parody of the Ten Deadly Plagues of Egypt. I think I can see that now: van den Berg’s red pen test resembles how the entire Nile river was turned to blood, and the power outage was an allusion to the darkness cast over Egypt. The incident that resulted from this test was a reference to the last plague, in which God culled the firstborn children in every Egyptian household. Looking back on it now, it was so obvious, but we didn’t connect the dots until it was too late. I suppose that I should be grateful that we were only temporarily comatose instead of killed. In any case, at least it’s over now. - JR Boneka
Note: What worries me is if there is an "Israelite" here or if this is just one of 914's long-winded tricks… however, the event reminded me of my Sunday church preachings back in the Philippines on how the Plagues were a process of purification, so we must've learned something from all that. - Intern R. Skye
Note: Do we have to start excluding religious texts from our inputs now? - R. Marcopus
Note: Thankfully nothing serious happened this time. judging from the sheer number of apocalypses found in religious texts, it might be wise to do so to avoid an XK class scenario. - T.R. Boelli
Note: The lockdown will last until Sedna gives me his word that everything is over. Return to your living quarters and report any unusual activity. - Veritas
Test 914-1660
Name: Intern Singley
Date: 22/07/2020
Total Items: Five EpiPens
Input: Five EpiPens
Setting: Fine
Output: Five separate medical syringes labelled "Adrenalinject". The syringes are black except for a clear glass on the side of each syringe. Testing with D-class showed that the fluid in the syringe drastically increased the strength, speed, stamina, and pain tolerance of whoever has been injected with the fluid for approximately ten minutes. At the end of that period, the subject goes into immediate cardiac arrest. If the subject receives medical attention quickly enough and survives, no anomalous traits are observed to remain with the subject after revival. Four full syringes remained after testing. Two were sent to Research and Development to test if the solution could be diluted, while the others were placed into Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1661
Name: Intern Regal
Date: 22/07/2020
Total items: Three modified LEDs, several cables, three 9V batteries, one pair of standard Foundation visual protection goggles
Note: The LEDs have been modified to emit near-ultraviolet radiation outside the range where visible light is located in the electromagnetic spectrum. Due to the probable effects that such a test might cause, the D-Class handling the outputs will wear a pair of visual protection goggles with manual activation and deactivation on each lens. The LEDs will be connected to the batteries and turned on when placed inside 914. – Intern Regal
Input: One modified LED connected to a battery
Setting: Fine
Output: One electronic device with an integrated battery
Addendum: It was determined that the device continuously emits the light of the same wavelength as the original LED. However, there appears to be no way to shut the device off.
Input: One modified LED connected to a battery
Setting: Fine
Output: One LED connected to a battery. No anomalous effects were reported while observing it with visual protection. When observed by the naked eye, the light emitted by the LED shifts the observable portion of the electromagnetic spectrum of the observer, while not affecting the band of visible light. The alteration approximately lasts the number of seconds observed in hours. No lasting damage to the brain or the eyes have been recorded.
Note: Dr. Veritas, you're looking rather green… Hold on, why are the walls bright blue? - J.R. Kai
Note: Since the next test will be performed on the Very Fine setting the D-Class has been instructed to only view the input and the output with his peripheral vision as to reduce the possible harm to him. – Intern Regal
Input: One modified LED connected to a battery
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One small circular device with an integrated LED in the centre with the anomalous effect of reversing the peripheral and focal vision clarity of anyone that views the light produce by the LED regardless of if it was observed through a direct or indirect medium. Output incinerated.
Addendum: The output’s effect caused distress to the D-Class, who reported difficulty walking and severely inhibited depth perception upon being interviewed. After a failed attempt to remotely retrieve the output, the output was covered and placed in the incinerator.
Note: After displaying sufficient levels of professionalism and work safety consideration, Lionel Regal will be hired as a Junior Researcher. Don’t make me regret this decision. - Dr. Arthur Hackett
Note: Congratulations on the promotion, J.R. Regal. Once the lockdown is lifted, I'll throw you a party in the break room. - T.R. Boelli
Test 914-1662
Name: Guest Junior Researcher Ericson
Date: 26/07/2020
Total Items: Five flash drives, each containing a copy of the video game 'CARRION'
Input: One of the aforementioned drives
Setting: Rough
Output: A shredded flash drive. Data unrecoverable.
Input: One of the aforementioned drives
Setting: Coarse
Output: Several circuit boards along with several pieces of melted plastic. Data was corrupted and only a few words could be analyzed.
Input: One of the aforementioned drives
Setting: 1:1
Output: One flash drive containing a copy of the video game 'World of Goo'
Input: One of the aforementioned drives
Setting: Fine
Output: Similar to input, but the amount of space the game's code took up on the flash drive is noticeably larger, taking up nearly all of the space on the drive. The game is now titled 'CARRION: Anniversary Edition' and is much longer than the original. Multiple new abilities, including three that were previously unused named 'Thermovision', 'Impregnation', and 'Acid Immunity' were introduced. Several new areas that utilize these mechanics were also added. A New Game Plus section is added, which appears after the player finishes the main game once. Playing this mode does not change the gameplay, but introduces various new enemy types and consumables.
Input: One of the aforementioned drives
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One flash drive. Anomalous screening revealed that the game, now titled 'CARRION: Augmented Reality Edition' contained a cognitohazard that activated as soon as the executable file is opened. The D-Class used for testing, once under its influence, perceived themselves as the carnivorous entity controlled by the player in the game and attempted to "hunt" and consume other personnel. However, since no actual physical change manifested, the subject was unable to cause any actual harm to others around them or damage to Facility 23 and was easily apprehended and amnesticized.
Test 914-1663
Name: Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 26/07/2020
Total Items: Five kg of modeling clay, one USB flash drive containing the entirety of the "Madness Combat" animation series by user "Krinkels" on the website Newgrounds.
Note: My transfer request finally pushed through, we're gonna test 914's cultural inclination. - R. Szymons
Input: The above
Setting: Fine
Output: An inanimate clay figure standing 71.12 cm upright, resembling the "Grunt" entity from the aforementioned series. A small plaque lays positioned at the base with the words "Rich" made from pieces of the USB drive.
Note: I expected Hank, but at least 914 seems to understand my favorite character. Permission to keep the figure? - R. Szymons
Note: Get it screened first. - Veritas
Test 914-1664
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 28/07/2020
Total Items: Three copies of Jennifer Government, three copies of 1984
Input: Jennifer Government, 1984
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of Industrial Society and Its Future
Note: And of all possibilities, it's got to be Kaczynski. - JR Reimer
Input: Jennifer Government, 1984
Setting: Fine
Output: A manifiesto, titled Будущее правительств и корпораций (The Future of Governments and Corporations), written in Russian. The author was identified as ████ █████████ █████████.
Note: I had translated the manifesto, and it is concerning to say the least. By the author's definition of "government", the Foundation is on an equal level with the United Nations, which should be torn down for transhumanist ideals. Corporations are seen as a hallmark of neo-feudalism, and should also be eliminated. In particular, the papers named Skitter Marshall, Iris Dark, Bill Gates, Tom Alberg, Patricia Stonesifer, Isabel Wondertainment, Jack Ma, and Ren Zhengfei as highest-priority subjects marked for immediate termination. - JR Reimer
Input: Jennifer Government, 1984
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An object that can only be described as a cognitohazard. Any attempt to describe the object otherwise results in the manifestation of a lethal cognitohazard.
Note: We had three D-class personnel attempt to describe the object, and all they could describe was the cognitohazard that manifested. The cognitohazards appeared to be related to totalitarian governments and organizations. Object incinerated. - JR Reimer
Test 914-1665
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 28/07/2020
Total Items: One 0.5 kg block of dark chocolate, one 0.5 kg block of white chocolate, one 0.5 kg block of milk chocolate
Input: One 0.5 kg block of dark chocolate, one 0.5 kg block of white chocolate
Setting: Fine
Output: One disassembled jigsaw puzzle made of chocolate. The image on the puzzle is a photo-realistic rendition of ''Jeff the Mug Cat'', created using dark and white chocolate.
Input: One 0.5 kg block of milk chocolate
Setting: Fine
Output: One computer keyboard made entirely of milk chocolate. When plugged into a computer, the output functions as a normal keyboard, despite having no electronic components. However, it cannot be used for long periods of time, as the heat from the user’s fingers would cause the keys to start melting.
Note: Against command, the testing D-Class attempted to consume the keyboard, and was restrained. Fortunately, no other anomalous effects manifested, and what remained of the output was incinerated. D-Class reassigned. - JR Boneka
Test 914-1666
Name: Researcher Jane Cho
Date: 29/07/2020
Total Items: One set of rubber gloves, three DVDs containing a single copy of a photograph of a teddy bear, two windshield wipers, 50 grams of ground up dried anchovies, 100 grams of ground up dried sunflower root, four 10cm by 10cm by 3mm panes of Pyrex glass, three 1m long bars of steel, one small brilliant cut diamond, three sets of safety scissors, one chainsaw, three stacks of A4 size copy paper each containing a copy of Shakespeare’s Hamlet
Input: One set of rubber gloves, two DVDs, one copy of Hamlet
Setting: Fine
Output: One DVD containing an unidentified recording of a performance of the play Hamlet, a set of small rigid plastic gloves, and a stack of American letter size paper with an irregularly shaped hole apparently burnt through the entire stack. The recording contained within the DVD features actors with the appearance and voice of several research personnel assigned to SCP-914. None of the researchers observed in the recording have a recollection of ever participating in such a performance. The plastic gloves appear to be made from the material from a DVD disk, and are too small to be worn by a human subject. The outputted stack of paper is noticeably thicker than the input, and is entirely blank. Despite its appearance, the stack of paper appears to retain its previous mass in solid form. The hole in the stack of paper was covered by an irregular pattern of rubber, with the appearance of having been splattered onto the paper from an uncertain origin and solidified.
Input: One DVD, 30 grams of anchovy powder, two panes of Pyrex glass
Setting: Fine
Output: A small teddy bear roughly matching the appearance of the one in the original photograph made of Pyrex glass and a translucent plastic ball with what appears to be multiple identical small anchovies inside.
Input: One windshield wiper, one diamond, one set of safety scissors
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small toy car made from the materials of the windshield wiper, one small irregular chunk of graphite, and one large rectangular sheet of plastic with what appears to be a safety manual for scissors written on one side.
Note: It looks like they all changed independently of each other. - Jane Cho
Input: 20 grams of anchovy powder, 20 grams of sunflower root powder, one bar of steel, one pane of pyrex glass, one copy of Hamlet
Setting: 1:1
Output: 40 grams of unidentified organic dust, a small steel model that appears to be a stylized depiction of a person stealing from a bar, an unlabelled beaker, and a stack of A4 size printing paper with the text of the SCP-914 document repeated 340 times in fine print. The steel model and the organic dust was stored inside the beaker at the time of output.
Input: One windshield wiper, one pane of Pyrex glass, two sets of safety scissors, one chainsaw
Setting: Fine
Output: A small handheld machine of indeterminate purpose, with the words “THE GOOD VERY GREAT WAAIPERSLICER”(sic) written in large block letters on the outside of the handle. The handle is connected to a cylindrical body with a featureless plastic casing, and two different appendages protrude from each side. The longer appendage is a rectangular double sided saw blade, which rapidly vibrates vertically(in the direction perpendicular to the length of the blade and parallel to its flat surface) when a button on its side is pressed. The vibration will stop after the button is pressed again. The shorter appendage appears to be a plastic shaft that branches into three smaller shafts, each connected to a large plastic knife blade, a small squeegee, and a Pyrex glass monocle on a plastic chain, respectively. The shorter appendage does not move starts rotating counterclockwise when Researcher Cho laughs audibly in its vicinity. The rotation will stop once she laughs again after a delay longer than five seconds.
Note: This was probably the most confusing output I’ve encountered yet. - Jane Cho
Input: 60 grams of sunflower root powder, one bar of steel
Setting: Fine
Output: A small animate steel model of a sunflower plant’s root system, with a soft organic bulb-like appendage at the top. When in motion, the object will accumulate its “roots” into four limbs and proceed in a slow quadrupedal walking motion. When stationary, it will spread its “roots” back apart. The object is not hostile and appears to ignore attempts at interaction.
Note: The next test will be on Very Fine. I’ve taken necessary precautions to ensure whatever comes out doesn’t escape, especially since the inputs are so chaotic. - Jane Cho
Input: One bar of steel, 20 grams of sunflower root powder, one copy of Hamlet
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large, virtually indestructible white sphere capable of motion and speech, as well as visual and auditory perception of its surroundings. Upon leaving the output booth, the object interacted briefly with D-99823 and Researcher Cho before being captured and put into containment. A transcription of this incident is recorded below.
Addendum: Video transcript of camera footage
[BEGIN LOG]
The object, henceforth referred to as “Sphere”, rolls out of the output booth.
Sphere: I wish to talk with your leader.
D-99823: It’s talking. Do I still proceed?
Cho nods. D-99823 kneels down to pick up the object.
Sphere: I am a prince from the planet of- Don’t touch me!
The object suddenly launches itself at a high velocity towards D-99823’s head, knocking them backwards with considerable force. D-99823 yells.
Sphere: Your kind has destroyed our home planet and killed our people, and we demand atonement. Take me to your leader.
D-99823: Well, that was exactly what I was trying to do! I was trying to carry you!
Cho: Would you prefer to walk, I mean roll, then? Hey, I’ll even show you the way.
Sphere: Yes, thank you.
Cho remotely opens the door to the containment chamber, where security guards are positioned with cages.
Cho: Out of the door to your… uh, left.
The object begins rolling towards the door, but suddenly stops approximately a meter before the exit.
Sphere: Wait, it's a cage? You’re trying to capture me?
Cho: (to D-99823) Could you give it a little push?
D-99823 nods and bends forward to push the object into the cage. The object screams what is assumed to be profanities in an unidentified language. Containment is successful.
[END LOG]
Note: It still hasn’t said what the name of its planet is. - Jane Cho
Test 914-1667
Name: Researcher Ken
Date: 29/07/2020
Total Items: Three digital watches
Note: I'm back from my recent transfer from Site-██. Again, necessary safety measures on Very Fine. - Researcher Ken
Input: One digital watch
Setting: 1:1
Output: One digital watch, of a different model from the input.
Input: One digital watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Visually unchanged watch. The watch no longer displays time but now displays the temperature and pressure of a random environment.
Input: One digital watch
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Visually unchanged watch with the display no longer functioning. No anomalous effects were observed when held.
Note: Something seems… off. The D-Class will be restrained and will test the output. - Researcher Ken
Addendum: During testing, the watch was strapped on to the restrained D-class. Security noted that the D-Class paced around the testing area, appearing to move in slow motion until the watch's effect wore off in 24 hours. No anomalous effects were recorded for the next 24 hours, after which the same effects manifested again.
Note: Interesting, this watch effectively slows down the user's perception of time, thus causing everything except themselves to speed up. The D-class stated that 1 hour felt like 1 minute to him and everything around him was moving extremely fast. I don't think this has any practical purposes however. Placed in Anomalous Storage. - Researcher Ken
Test 914-1668
Name: Junior Researcher Garinet
Date: 01/08/2020
Total Items: Four copies of Martin Handford's Where's Waldo? first US edition (1987).
Input: Where's Waldo?
Setting: 1:1
Output: Where's Wally?, apparently identical to the original edition published in the United Kingdom.
Input: Where's Waldo?
Setting: 1:1
Output: Where's WALL-E?, based on the 2008 Pixar animated film. Puzzles are based on the first portion of the film, with WALL-E hidden among vast amounts of rubbish on every page.
Note: Bleak, a little repetitive, but very well drawn. - J. R. Garinet
Input: Where's Waldo?
Setting: Fine
Output: Where's Waldo, 914th Anniversary Edition. Output appeared superficially similar to the original; however, closer inspection found substantial alterations:
- A number of items are incredibly detailed; for example, a newspaper in one scene can be read with the help of a microscope.
- There's an additional puzzle set inside some sort of giant clockwork machine.
- Waldo is much more difficult to find. In the first puzzle, he is visible only as a partial reflection in a car window.
Note: Item is non anomalous and has been placed in the break room. I've only found Waldo in the first page; I think it keeps getting harder. - J. R. Garinet
Input: Where's Waldo?
Setting: Fine
Output: A small red and white book, titled Pourquoi, Waldo?, by an unknown author. Contains handwritten musings on Waldo's motivations, reasons for his travels, and broader questions of existential philosophy.
Test 914-1669
Name: Dr. Bunker
Date: 02/08/2020
Total Items: Five red cotton bath towels
Input: One bath towel
Setting: Rough
Output: Several bundles of cotton and pools of red dye
Input: One bath towel
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of red cotton microfibers
Input: One bath towel
Setting: 1:1
Output: One green bath towel. No anomalous properties detected.
Input: One bath towel
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged bath towel. Upon testing, the towel proved to be 15% more absorbent than the input, though the time to clean and dry the towel has been notably increased.
Input: One bath towel
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged bath towel. Upon testing, the towel was shown to be hydrophobic, and incapable of drying or absorbing any moisture.
Test 914-1670
Name: Dr. Noelle Cahill
Date: 05/08/2020
Total Items: Seven IKEA MICKE-series desk self-assembly kits, nineteen IKEA LÅNGFJÄLL-series conference chair self-assembly kits
Note: My colleagues at Facility-81 were renovating and had a few kits for the desks and chairs left, so I had them shipped over for testing purposes. - Dr. Cahill
Input: One desk
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Argos Camden-series desk self-assembly kit
Note: That price difference, though. - Dr. Cahill
Input: Three desks
Setting: 1:1
Output: One haphazardly-assembled vanity dresser made from the inputted kits. Of note was the unique drawer mechanism, where a drawer could be extended and swung via a hinge from under the table of the dresser.
Note: Lovely Bauhaus elements in the design of this output. A pity it looks like it might fall apart if you set anything heavier than a laptop on it. - Dr. Cahill
Input: Three desks
Setting: Fine
Output: One statue of a man constructed from clockwork and wood. Closer inspection revealed it to be an animatronic lacking a power source. Incinerated due to safety risks after the animatronic was found to have several concealed weapons while being transported by D-class to a testing facility.
Input: Five chairs
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Campaign chair self-assembly kit
Input: Seven chairs
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two wooden coffins, upholstered with cushions from the inputted kits
Input: Seven chairs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One ornate chair with a spider-like clockwork base, featuring multiple legs of completely different and unique design. Output is capable of ensuring the seat remains perfectly perpendicular to the ground, regardless of how unstable or inclined the surface of the ground may be. However, the output has also displayed signs of limited sapience, anomalously vocalising Finnish insults against furniture anything of Swedish origin, as recorded below.
| Object | Insult |
|---|---|
| IKEA LÅNGFJÅLL-series conference chair (located in Research Cell 109-B) | Painu vittuun, puupää! |
| Packet of Swedish marshmallow candy (being consumed by Junior Researcher Boneka) | Miksi syöt sitä ihrakasaa? |
| Guest Researcher Andersson (from Facility-81 in Stockholm) | Painu helvettiin! Svedupelle! |
Note: I, for one, feel insulted. Are you sure you want to keep this chair? - JR Boneka
Note: Junior Researcher Kai has very kindly offered to keep the chair in his office, as he does not own any objects of Swedish origin. - Dr. Cahill
Test 914-1671
Name: Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 06/08/2020
Total Items: One M249 Light Machine Gun (ammunition box and belt removed), one pair of EOTECH Ground Panoramic Night Vision Goggles (GPNVG)
Input: Aforementioned LMG
Setting: 1:1
Output: One PKP Pecheneg machine gun with its wooden components having been replaced by composite from the inputted LMG
Input: Aforementioned GPNVG
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One pair of visually unchanged goggles. When worn and activated, it temporarily blinded Researcher Szymons. After being removed from Researcher Szymons, analysis revealed the output to be capable of amplifying the brightness of images seen through the goggles by approximately 200,000 times, thus making the goggles useless as they effectively blind any user who activates them. Output was placed in Anomalous Storage while Researcher Szymons has been administered eye drops and sent home for the day.
Test 914-1672
Name: Research Sam Szymons
Date: 07/08/2020
Total Items: Output ("Rich Statue") from Test 914-1663, one kilogram of modelling clay, one FB Radom wz. 96 Beryl assault rifle
Input: Aforementioned assault rifle
Setting: Fine
Output: An inanimate model of an eagle made of composite and steel from the input. Notably, the output resembles the Polish Coat of Arms.
Note: I’ve screened the eagle and placed it in the break room for whoever wants to look at it. - R. Szymons
Input: Aforementioned “Rich Statue”, one kilogram of modelling clay
Setting: Fine
Output: One inanimate clay statue of a similar “Grunt” entity from the series Madness Combat on Newgrounds, with the addition of an apron on the torso of the “Grunt”. One model of a hotdog stand made from leftover clay is positioned in front of the "Grunt". Output anomalously vocalizes the song “TrainMadness” by Cheshyre continuously. Object placed in Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1673
Name: Research Sam Szymons
Date: 08/08/2020
Total Items: One M1 helmet, one M1916 Stahlhelm, one Brodie helmet
Input: Aforementioned M1 helmet
Setting: Coarse
Output: A visually unchanged helmet, with the helmet liner having been removed from the outer steel shell
Input: Aforementioned M1916 Stahlhelm
Setting: Fine
Output: An M88 helmet made entirely out of steel, with the Kevlar components of a normal M88 missing due to the lack of any analogues in the input.
Input: Aforementioned Brodie helmet
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of metal scraps and torn leather
Note: I know I’m not supposed to use SCP-914 as a garbage disposal unit, but that Brodie really had to go. - Researcher Szymons
Note: We will be adding signs in the hallways directing personnel to the Waste Management and Incinerator Room soon. - Facility 19-23 Maintenance
Test 914-1674
Name: Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 12/08/2020
Total Items: One Academy 1/35 plastic model of the Panzerkampfwagen VI Ausf. B “Königstiger”, one FB Radom MSBS Grot assault rifle (magazine removed)
Input: Aforementioned assault rifle
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Bushmaster-Remington Adaptive Combat Rifle (ACR) assault rifle. The rifle has no missing parts due to the similarities of design between the inputted rifle and the output.
Input: Aforementioned model
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate plastic model resembling the input, with the tank treads modified to provide enough traction for the output to move. The output displays limited signs of sentience, recognising personnel by blood, attempting to assault any person with Slavic, Dutch, French, English, or (sometimes) Italian nationality or heritage (Allied powers of WWII) by ''aiming'' its main cannon or hull-mounted machine gun and anomalously vocalising sounds of gunfire. Due to the lack of additional mass and propellant for ammunition, no projectiles were observed to be fired out of the output. The SS tank commander figurine in the commander’s hatch is animated and vocalises era-appropriate German whenever it orders the tank to assault an individual by hurling repeated insults at the victim until the "attack" ends. The output attempted to attack and insult Researcher Szymons due to his Polish heritage. Output was placed in Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1675
Name: Dr. Green
Date: 12/08/2020
Total Items: Five sheets of paper with an illustration of the cat within SCP-040-JP
[Warning: The following experiment is prohibited for viewing without proper memetic countermeasures.]
Note: Due to the potential of the refined outputs producing the effects of SCP-040-JP, all personnel except for those with Class-D classification were required to wear video-capturing goggles during testing. Subject D-300294 was instructed to only view the Output booth during the entirety of testing. This was done to see if the effects of SCP-040-JP will occur in the refined items. - Dr. Green
Input: One illustration
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of shredded paper with traces of ink
Input: One illustration
Setting: Coarse
Output: A sheet of paper and a puddle of ink
Input: One illustration
Setting: 1:1
Output: A sheet of paper with a crude drawing of a dog. The dog has human-like eyes, similar in appearance to the illustration of the cat within SCP-040-JP. D-300294 was suffering an alternate effect of SCP-040-JP. Constantly repeating the phrase "There's a dog" instead of a cat. D-300294 was administered proper amnestics and was given the same instructions as before.
Input: One illustration
Setting: Fine
Output: A photorealistic sketch of the cat within SCP-040-JP. It produced the same effects as SCP-040-JP and D-300294 was given amnestics.
Input: One illustration
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A paper cut-out of an illustration of the cat within SCP-040-JP. Upon the Output door opening, D-300294 vocalized the phrase "There's a cat" multiple times in a distressed tone, showing that it produces the effects of SCP-040-JP. The cat walked out of the booth in a erratic manner and attempted to leave Research Cell 109-B by sliding itself under the door. It was then neutralized via incineration to prevent personnel within Facility 23 from suffering its effects. All personnel exposed to the cat were administered amnestics shortly afterwards.
[End of Memetic Hazard.]
Test 914-1676
Name: Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 12/08/2020
Total Items: One piece of college ruled paper
Input: Aforementioned paper
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A Möbius strip made from the entire piece of paper. Output generates a cognitohazardous effect wherein whoever views it will attempt to orient the object on a single face. The output affected Researcher Szymons first. After approximately five minutes of trying to orient the object with one face up, R. Szymons became frustrated and attempted to incinerate the output. Object incinerated with a robotic arm.
Note: My head hurts more than that time when I blinded myself with the goggles. To whoever the strip affected, I’m immensely sorry for conducting this test. - R. Szymons
Note: Not to worry, their treatment cost will come out of your salary, so consider it even. - Veritas
Test 914-1677
Name: Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 12/08/2020
Total Items: One Velocity Systems “SCARAB” model plate carrier, one Gentex Advanced Combat Helmet (ACH), two AR500 ceramic bulletproof plates
Input: Aforementioned plate carrier
Setting: 1:1
Output: One “Slickster” model plate carrier made by Ferro Concepts. No missing parts have been identified from the input.
Input: Aforementioned ACH
Setting: Fine
Output: An M1916 Stahlhelm made of composite and high hardness rolled steel from the input. No anomalous effects have been observed when the output helmet is worn.
Input: One AR500 plate
Setting: Fine
Output: A visually unchanged plate from the input. During testing at the onsite armory, D-32423 shot the plate with a .40 S&W round from a Jericho 943. The output shattered immediately and the bullet ricochet back towards D-32423 in an extremely precise trajectory, killing him instantly by impacting above the glabella.
Input: One AR500 plate
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visually unchanged plate from the input. When shot with conventional firearms, there was no visual difference from the input. An anomalous effect was observed when the plate was attached to a human being and shot with any caliber. Whenever a round impacts the plate, it will multiply the impact force via unknown means and by varying amounts. This effect causes differing damage to the body, from welts and bruises to broken bones and internal bruises. D-35672 has been admitted to the infirmary with a broken rib after being shot in the chest with a 7.62 x 39mm round. Object has been placed in Anomalous storage.
Test 914-1678
Name: Researcher Bat, D-97993
Date: 12/08/2020
Total Items: One pill of Class-Y Mnestics
Input: Class-Y Mnestic
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged pill. D-97993 was instructed to consume the pill and remain on standby in an isolated containment cell. After nine minutes, the subject abruptly pointed at the supervising Level-3 researcher, claiming that he would receive a gunshot wound to his leg in the near future. When asked how he knew this, the subject reported a newfound ability to see "glimpses" into the future when viewing another person, reciting events that have yet to unfold, most of them relevant to his future condition as a D-class personnel. After fourteen minutes, D-97993 began vocalising expletives, claiming that he now knew what would happen to him at the end of the month, and attempted to breach containment by breaking the observation panel. The subject was restrained by security personnel, but collapsed while being removed from the cell, mumbling and twitching uncontrollably before expiration. Autopsy results proved inconclusive regarding anomalous causes of expiration, discovering only the simultaneous presentation of multiple giant aneurysms of the three major coronary arteries, likely due to stress induced by anomalous effects of the output.
Addendum: Three days after the experiment, SCP-███ breached containment at Site-19. Level-3 researcher ████████ ████ was caught in the crossfire during recontainment efforts by on-site security, sustaining one gunshot wound to his leg, which was treated after recontainment was achieved.
Test 914-1679
Name: Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 12/08/2020
Total Items: Five AK-15 assault rifles (magazine removed)
Input: One AK-15
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of metal scraps and melted plastic
Input: One AK-15
Setting: Coarse
Output: A perfectly disassembled AK-15, parts sorted neatly into groups
Input: One AK-15
Setting: 1:1
Output: An M4 modular assault rifle, with a pile of extra composite in the output booth
Input: One AK-15
Setting: 1:1
Output: An FB Radom Wz.96 Beryl assault rifle, with a small pile of composite materials left to the side of the output
Note: Using a D-Class as precaution for this next test. - R. Szymons
Input: One AK-15
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A fully animated statue of a Kamchatka Brown Bear made from materials of the input. When D-93927 attempted to retrieve the output, it attacked him by scratching at D-93927’s hands and throat. Due to its reduced size, the output was contained after Researcher Szymons led it into a lockbox. Lockbox with the output has been placed in Anomalous Storage, while D-93927 has been admitted to the infirmary with minor laceration wounds.
Test 914-1680
Name: Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 13/08/2020
Total Items: Four CZ 75 variant pistols
Input: One CZ 75 pistol (original, Czech variant)
Setting: 1:1
Output: One NZ-75 (Chinese variant of CZ 75). The magazine spring is slightly narrowed to create the golden colour of the pistol.
Input: One IMI Jericho 941 pistol (Israeli variant)
Setting: 1:1
Output: A 1:50 model of the Jericho II (YA-3) missile
Input: One JSL Spitfire pistol (British variant)
Setting: Fine
Output: A Colt M1911 pistol, optimized for effective range.
Note: I suppose that means older is better. - WR Markham
Input: One Sarsılmaz Kılınç 2000 pistol (Turkish variant, aka AR-24)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A FAMAE FN-750 pistol (Chilean variant). When used, the pistol creates a cognitohazard which causes the user to believe they are in Santiago de Chile, and causes them to speak only in Spanish for exactly 750 minutes. Incinerated.
Nota: Son suficientes pruebas para el día, dadas las anomalías en la última salida. El modelo del misil Jericho está en mi escritorio. - Investigador de armas Markham
Translation: Note: That's enough testing for the day, given the anomalies in the last output. The model of the Jericho missile is on my desk. - WR Markham
Test 914-1681
Name: Dr. Bunker
Date: 14/08/2020
Total Items: Five black adjustable dog collars with blank tags
Input: One collar
Setting: Rough
Output: Piles of metal, plastic, polyester, and nylon.
Input: One collar
Setting: Coarse
Output: One dog collar, but completely disassembled.
Note: I don’t know what I expected. Maybe I should have just done the last three settings. I’ll keep this in mind for any future tests I do. -Dr. Bunker
Input: One collar
Setting: 1:1
Output: One cat collar, though it is slightly thicker than a standard cat collar. The nametag has also been changed into a bell.
Input: One collar
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged dog collar, however, when placed onto any mammal the nametag will display the name of the being that is wearing it. The displayed name vanishes from the nametag when the collar is removed. Item placed into Anomalous Storage.
Input: One collar
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually unchanged collar. However, when it was retrieved by D-Class, it attached itself to his neck and anomalously demanifested partially into the flesh, leaving only the tag visible, which displayed only the D-Class’ ID number. All attempts to remove the collar have been unsuccessful.
Note: I am unsure if termination would be wise here, seeing as the collar shows no other anomalous properties. - Dr. Bunker
Test 914-1682
Name: J.R. Labiosis
Date: 14/08/2020
Total Items: Three blonde wigs of a ''Drag Queen'' performer, who contested in the talent show named ''RuPaul's Drag Race''
Input: One blonde wig
Setting: Coarse
Output: A disassembled wig, with the hair pulled out and sorted in order of length in a row.
Input: One blonde wig
Setting: Fine
Output: A braided figurine of the Dragqueen contestant in the talent show ''RuPaul's Drag Race''.
Input: One blonde wig
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A blonde wig, visually identical to the input. When worn, D-65769 started to act like a dragqueen contestant in the talent show ''RuPaul's Drag Race'.
Note: The effect lasted for a few hours longer when the wig was removed, with D-65769 repeatedly asking for ''tea'' and referring to me and other personnel as ''hunty''. We brought him tea, but he didn't seem to mean the actual beverage. Result incinerated, and the effect ended.
- J. R. Labiosis
Test 914-1683
Name: Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 14/08/2020
Total Items: One Fedorov Avtomat selfloading rifle, one M1903 Springfield bolt action rifle
Input: Aforementioned Fedorov
Setting: 1:1
Output: A Karabiner 43 semiautomatic rifle, with a pile of wood from the input.
Input: Aforementioned Springfield
Setting: Fine
Output: The input rifle with a device similar to the existing experimental Pedersen Device attached to the receiver. On closer investigation, the device is made out of steel from non-vital places of the receiver, magazine well, and under the barrel of the rifle. The attached magazine to the device fires .30 Carbine (7.62 x 33mm) cartridges. Muzzle velocity and effective ranges are minimal, significantly smaller than the input rifle. Misfires occurred with every other shot during the first tested magazine due to a misshapen receiver.
Test 914-1684
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 14/08/2020
Total Items: One martial arts manual for the traditional Chinese double-edged straight sword known as a Jian (剑), one copy of The Ritz London Book Of Afternoon Tea: The Art and Pleasures of Taking Tea, one copy of Tea at Fortnum & Mason, one replica of the Seven Star Jian (七星剑) from the Chinese historical novella Romance of the Three Kingdoms (三国演义)
Note: I was cleaning up my office earlier and managed to dig these gems out. Since I've memorised all of the contents of the books and have a better replica of the Jian, I'll be using them today for experimentation. - J.R. Kai
Input: Martial arts manual, The Ritz London Book Of Afternoon Tea, Tea at Fortnum & Mason
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One complete Chinese Yixing (宜兴) tea set, made from origami. Notably, the output is made from a unique paper laminate with properties that almost completely replicate the unique flavour-absorbing properties of Yixing clay (宜兴泥) from which the teaware in a Yixing tea set is made.
Note: Junior Researcher Kai left Research Cell 109-B shortly after analysing the composition of the origami paper, returning with a small container of oolong tea leaves and proceeded to use the output to brew tea for all personnel present, which took over twenty minutes and three pots of tea. He's pretty good at this whole tea-brewing thing, isn't he? - Dr. Noelle Cahill
Addendum: Affecting the tea set is an extremely strong memetic compulsion to prepare, specifically, oolong tea (乌龙茶) via the Chinese kungfu (功夫) style of tea brewing while using the output. An inability to do so by affected subjects will result in the anomalous formation of tea stains all over the subjects' clothing, regardless of whether any teas are present within the testing chamber.
Input: Replica Jian
Setting: 1:1
Output: One replica of the Juuchi Yosamu (十千夜寒) from the Japanese legend about a competition between historical swordsmiths Masamune (正宗) and Muramasa (村正)
Test 914-1685
Name: Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 15/08/2020
Total Items: One copy of R. Szymons’ personal graphic novel, one generic brand steel frying pan, two drive sprockets from a T-80U Main Battle Tank
Input: Aforementioned graphic novel
Setting: Fine
Output: A copy of Black Powder Red Earth: Syria by Jon Chang. Output novel resembles the existing first volume of Black Powder Red Earth: Syria. Notably, R. Szymons’ graphic novel was about a tank conflict taking place in the Middle East, with a similar art style to the output.
Input: Aforementioned sprockets
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two seemingly unchanged drive sprockets, later identified to be identical to drive sprockets on the M1 Abrams.
Input: Aforementioned frying pan
Setting: 1:1
Output: A visually unchanged frying pan. Once put over a stove, it was observed that the output’s surface lowers the temperature of objects placed upon it, instead of routing the heat from the stove. Object has been placed in Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1686
Name: Junior Researcher Singley
Date: 16/08/2020
Total Items: One nameplate reading "Intern Singley"
Input: Above nameplate
Setting: Fine
Output: A pile of gears and metal plates composed of brass. The items were found to fit together, and when fully assembled, formed a small model robot with adjustable limbs. Object is currently being screened for anomalies, and will be returned to Junior Researcher Singley pending completion.
Test 914-1687
Name: Researcher Zita Ni
Date: 19/08/2020
Total Items: One note (containing the Python code for the "Hello, World!" program, that would display "Hello 914, I'm Zita." when run), three flash drives each containing a default Windows screensaver file
Note: Hello everyone, I've just been transferred from Site-64. - R. Zita
Input: Aforementioned note
Setting: Fine
Output: A note, containing the C++ code for a variant of the "Hello, World!" program. Running the program results in a schematic of the input booth of SCP-914.
Input: One flash drive
Setting: 1:1
Output: A flash drive containing a screensaver file. When applied, it displays a "Duckroll" image.
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: A flash drive containing a program titled scr.exe. When run on a computer, the computer's screensaver would be replaced by a random image. No particular theme is noted.
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A miniature holographic projector. When activated, a holographic projection appears. Pointing it at any computer would reveal the computer's hardware specifications, as well as the operating system it is using. However, no means of recharging the device is found.
Note: Placed in Anomalous Storage. - R. Zita
Test 914-1688
[DATA LOST]
Test 914-1689
Name: Junior Researcher Mikk Rästa
Date: 19/08/2020
Total Items: Three pieces of printing paper with a printed image of a hypercube.
Note: Testing to see if and how SCP-914 perceives the theory of the fourth dimension. Skipping Coarse and Rough because ordinary printing paper has already been put through it before. - J.R. Mikk
Input: One image
Setting: 1:1
Output: Printing paper with an image of a fractal.
Note: The fractal seems to end at the fifth loop. A shame, an infinite fractal on a piece of paper could've been fascinating to see. - J.R. Mikk
Input: One image
Setting: Fine
Output: A piece of printing paper with a cube of ink drawn into it. The cube appears three-dimensional no matter what side the subject is observing it at. This phenomenon only works for the nearest person with a direct line of sight towards the paper.
Note: Very disorienting. It looks almost as if you could put your hand in the paper and grab the cube, but instead you just hit the paper and stain your hand in printer ink. Permission to frame it up in the break room? - J.R. Mikk
Input: One image
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Ordinary cube Hypercube made of paper. It has the anomalous effect of making everyone that observes it perceive it as an ordinary cube of paper. The effect does not materialize when viewed through a digital screen, and viewers that are not actively attempting to ascertain its appearance see it as a cloud of ink. The item's properties made it extremely chemically unstable, and it decayed into carbon dioxide and hydrogen gas over the course of five hours. A Bunsen burner was activated in the testing room due to an unrelated experiment, causing a small explosion and a minor fire, which was extinguished by a custodian that was nearby.
Note: Junior Researcher Mikk Rästa later apologized for his reckless behavior and promised to compensate for any equipment lost in the fire.
Test 914-1690
Name: Intern R. Skye
Date: 19/08/2020
Total Items: Five flash drives containing a media player written in Java
Note: Testing the virtual efficiency of SCP-914. This is also my last log before being promoted to junior researcher status. - Intern R. Skye
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Rough
Output: One visually unchanged flash drive. When connected to a computer, a corrupted file of the same size as the inputted program was found. When the corrupted space was recovered using a recovery program, the drive's corruption is revealed to be the source code of an unknown program. Compiling the code deemed impossible due to nonexistent dependencies. Flash drive wiped and incinerated after storage module was corrupted after format.
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Coarse
Output: One visually unchanged flash drive. Its contents are similar to an obfuscated Java source code of the media player. The obfuscation map is different from its original mapping. Deobfuscated code similarly required dependencies that did not exist. Flash drive wiped and returned to Intern R. Skye.
Note: Something to take note of, 914 at these tests focused on the program itself. The same hopefully can be said in the later tests. - Intern R. Skye
Input: One flash drive
Setting: 1:1
Output: One visually unchanged flash drive. The media player program was identified to have been written in C++. Flash drive wiped and returned to Intern R. Skye.
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged flash drive. The flash drive has no content.
Addendum: During file testing, Intern R. Skye placed a sound file on the flash drive. After being ejected, the sound file was played from the flash drive itself. Output placed in Anomalous Storage.
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small automaton built from the flash drive. Intern R. Skye immediately requested containment of the output as soon as visual contact was established. Output neutralized and incinerated.
Note: The output resembled and acted akin to a ''Decepticon'' from the "Transformers" franchise. - Intern R. Skye
Test 914-1691
Name: Weapons Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 20/08/2020
Total Items: One XM25 Grenade Launcher, one KPV heavy machine gun (HMG), one M18 Claymore mine
Note: I have finally been officially certified as a Weapons Researcher. As a way of celebrating, I'll be testing with some more esoteric weapons today. - W.R. Szymons
Input: Aforementioned XM25
Setting: Fine
Output: An assortment of cylindrical objects made from the materials of the input. Outputs resemble 40 x 46mm NATO grenades.
Input: Aforementioned HMG
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Visually unchanged machine gun. During live-fire tests the output misfired, disfiguring the barrel and sending superheated gases in all directions. Output incinerated.
Input: Aforementioned mine
Setting: Fine
Output: [TEST DENIED]
Note: I shouldn't have to explain to you all why experimenting with a military grade explosive is a bad idea. - Veritas
Test 914-1692
Name: Intern Francois Beauvillier
Date: 20/08/2020
Total Items: One flash drive containing a text file of This Perfect Day by Ira Levin, one paperback copy of 1984 by George Orwell, one paperback copy of Animal Farm by George Orwell, one paperback copy of Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Input: One flash drive containing a text file of This Perfect Day by Ira Levin
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One flash drive containing a single .jar executable. Every attempt made to decompile the file was met with failure due to various technical deficiencies. When executed, a log file will be created, depicting 'The Most Effective Way of Life' for every person in a 200-metre radius, followed by ten genome sequences with five for each gender. Subsequent analysis and simulations revelaed that said genomes would express traits considered to be 'ideal' by most people. The 'Most Effective Way of Life' describes the life of each individual, from birth to death, should they live in a totalitarian communist utopia.
Note: Interesting, to say the least. Although I don't see myself becoming a plumber anytime soon. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One paperback copy of 1984 by George Orwell
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One paperback copy of 1914 by Coarse Roughwell, presumed to be a pseudonym of some unidentified individual. The novel mostly contains the same plot as that of the inputted material, but most scenes are replaced with various locations in Site-19 Facility 23. Agent Sedna replaces Big Brother while Dr. Veritas replaces Emmanuel Goldstein.
Input: One paperback copy of Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A non-anomalous pile of ashes
Note: I really should've expected that. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One paperback copy of Animal Farm by George Orwell
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One document titled Facility 23, or How to Overthrow the Directors by the same author as before, Coarse Roughwell. The contents of said document describes multiple ways to initiate a coup d'état against Dr. Veritas, Agent Sedna, and Facility Director Hackett. The reader will anomalously experience a strong aversion against any form of authority.
Note: Off with their heads! Down with the ruling class! - Intern Beauvillier
Note: Intern Beauvillier was restrained and amnesticized after trying to attack security personnel. I didn't mean to punch him in the face, but if a crazed Frenchman bolts at you yelling ''viva la révolution'', certain self-preservation instincts kick in. Tell him I'll buy him a beer when he feels better. - Agent Sedna
Test 914-1693
Name: Weapons Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 21/08/2020
Total Items: One PPSh-71 submachine gun, two Tokarev TT-33 sidearms, one American M17 gas mask with cover, one Soviet GP-5 gas mask.
Input: Aforementioned SMG
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Owen machine carbine submachine gun, missing metal parts have been replaced with wood from the input.
Input: Aforementioned sidearms
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate statue of former Supreme Soviet of the USSR, Fedor Tokarev, made from materials of the input. Output seems to exhibit limited sapience. The output anomalously vocalizes boasts proclaiming superiority of the former Soviet Union to its rivals. Object has been placed in anomalous storage.
Input: Aforementioned M17
Setting: Fine
Output: A visually unchanged gas mask. When worn by D-94629, subject vocalized an inability to breathe. Output was removed from D-94629 before he could expire. On further examination, when the output is placed upon a human subject it will block any incoming oxygen through the filters. Thus causing death via asphyxiation if worn for too long.
Input: Aforementioned GP-5
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visually unchanged gas mask. When put on D-75632, she vocalized confusion and worry. When asked to elaborate, D-75632 described seeing an environment noted to be similar to that of SCP-1499. Once removed, D-75632 stated she no longer experienced the hallucinations immediately after removal of the output. Output has been placed in anomalous storage.
Test 914-1694
Name: Junior Researcher Evangeline Perry
Date: 27/08/2020
Total Items: Four digital thermometers
Input: One digital thermometer
Setting: 1:1
Output: One barometer
Input: One digital thermometer
Setting: 1:1
Output: One hygrometer
Input: One digital thermometer
Setting: Fine
Output: One digital thermometer, calibrated to read 0 when measuring a normal human body temperature.
Input: One digital thermometer
Setting: Very fine
Output: One digital thermometer. Readings display in Fahrenheit, Celsius or Kelvin depending on which the user is least familiar with. If a user knows every scale, the value is displayed in ''Wingdings''.
Note: When multiple people looked at it simultaneously, it short-circuited. Seemingly in defiance. - Junior Researcher Evangeline Perry
Test 914-1695
Name: J.R. Regal
Date: 27/08/2020
Total Items: Various flash drives each containing a Java executable program and sheets of paper with inputs for the programs
Note: I want to test how 914 handles this type of relation between non-physical programs and physical entries. – J.R. Regal
Input: One flash drive containing a Java executable program and a sheet of paper with inputs for the program
Setting: 1:1
Output: One flash drive containing a C++ executable program and a sheet of paper with inputs for the program
Input: One flash drive containing a Java executable program and a sheet of paper with inputs for the program
Setting: 1:1
Output: One flash drive containing a Javascript executable program and a sheet of paper with inputs for the program
Note: Not getting any notable results on this setting, moving to Fine. – J.R. Regal
Input: One flash drive containing a Java executable program and a sheet of paper with inputs for the program
Setting: Fine
Output: One flash drive containing the original program as well as a text file named "Input". The flash drive has the same mass as the total of the inputted items
Note: Improvements in transportability and size, it seems. – J.R. Regal
Input: One flash drive containing a Java executable program and a sheet of paper with inputs for the program
Setting: Fine
Output: One flash drive containing a file and a sheet of paper with a line in the middle. The file cannot be opened or inspected. If a valid input is written on the upper half, the output for the original program will slowly appear on the bottom side.
Note: This last test will be conducted by a D-Class for safety reasons. We're expecting a flash drive as the output, so we will set up a modified isolated computer for testing purposes. The contents of the program and input are unlikely to cause physical harm that would threaten the ability of the D-Class to test it, so no extra protection was provided. – J.R. Regal
Input: One flash drive containing a Java executable program and a sheet of paper with inputs for the program
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One flash drive and a sheet of paper full of inscriptions
Addendum: When the D-Class picked up the output he remained unresponsive for 30 seconds before dropping it. Interrogation after the D-Class regained consciousness revealed that making contact with the flash drive caused him to view lines of symbols and maintaining to see the word “mentally” whenever he closed his eyes after the experience ended.
Note: After collecting as much information as possible from the D-class after he recovered, I believe that coming into contact with the flash drive forces the mind of the subject to process information via a program known as "Brainfuck", an esoteric programming language not intended for practical use, by going through the internal lines of logic. From this, I deduce that 914 is beginning to create outputs to get around security measures put into place, which is rather concerning, to say the least. – J.R. Regal
Note: Your concerns are duly noted, Regal, but unless the machine proves to be sentient, spontaneously grows legs and tries to leave the room, we're not sounding the priority alert quote yet. - Veritas
Test 914-1696
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 31/08/2020
Total Items: Four impossible bottles featuring replicas of various iconic ships from history
Input: One impossible bottle featuring the USS Constitution
Setting: Coarse
Output: Five miniature impossible bottles featuring the HMS Guerriere, HMS Java, HMS Pictou, HMS Cyane, and HMS Levant
Note: A clever reference to five "inferior" ships with the Coarse setting. - J.R. Kai
Input: One impossible bottle featuring the Santa Maria
Setting: 1:1
Output: One impossible bottle featuring the La Navida
Input: One impossible bottle featuring the HMS Victory
Setting: Fine
Output: One glass-and-wood model of the RMS Titanic, containing a cognitohazard that causes affected personnel who have come into contact with it to believe that they are about to drown onboard the RMS Titanic despite having been presented evidence that such an incident is impossible.
Note: Dr. Veritas, please! Hold my hand, for we are about to die onboard this ship, and I wish that my last memories be happy and of you! - J.R. Kai
Addendum: The effect was temporarily worsened by Dr. Veritas' acquisition of a filled janitorial bucket and then dispelled when he emptied its contents over the head of Junior Researcher Kai.
Input: One impossible bottle featuring the USS Arizona
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One impossible bottle featuring a miniature replica of a ship's magazine. Output was ignited via unknown means when retrieved by D-41969 and exploded, terminating the D-class via the initial supersonic over-pressurization shock wave from the detonation of the output. Resulting remains of both D-class and output could not be retrieved, due to anomalously-sustained smouldering. Testing for the day has been halted until the remains become cool enough to be disposed of.
Note: While this may not be your fault, the bill for the replacement floor tiles in Research Cell 109-B will be forwarded to Junior Researcher Kai. No hard feelings. - Maintenance
Test 914-1697
Name: J.R. Regal
Date: 02/09/2020
Total Items: One USB drive with a program with an unknown error
Note: Since I gave up on finding what causes the compiling error I’ll use it for a test. – J.R. Regal
Input: One USB drive with a program with an unknown error
Setting: Fine
Output: One USB drive with a program that causes all other programs stored in the same PC to develop compiling errors. The program itself runs without the original error.
Note: Few times I have been so happy to be cautious. I don’t know what I would have done if it had affected my PC. – J.R. Regal
Note: Or the network. Rosen would have thrown you in the incinerator, or at least try to get permission for it. - Veritas
Test 914-1698
Name: Weapons Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 03/09/2020
Total Items: One Hispano-Suiza HS.404 autocannon, one boxed copy of Call of Duty: Black Ops, one copy of Battlefield 4, one copy of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
Input: Aforementioned autocannon
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visually unchanged cannon from the input. Testing revealed recoil to be far greater to the input, and for the output to anomalously use twice as much ammunition than the original. Object has been placed in Anomalous Storage.
Input: Copy of Call of Duty: Black Ops
Setting: Fine
Output: A mini figurine of a CRT television made from pieces of the box and disk from the input. The figurine’s screen will display a Nixie tube which randomly displays numbers from 1-30.
Input: Copy of Battlefield 4
Setting: Fine
Output: A miniature diorama of a fictional, war-torn version of Shanghai, China made from pieces of the box and disk from the input. The fires and falling buildings are anomalously animated, tiny helicopters can sometimes be observed flying around the diorama’s skyscrapers.
Input: Copy of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
Setting: Fine
Output: A 1:40 scale model of “Little Boy”, the nuclear bomb used to destroy Hiroshima, Japan.
Note: I’ve screened all the models and I’m keeping the bomb and the TV in my office, the Shanghai diorama is up for grabs for whoever wants it. - WR. Szymons
Test 914-1699
Name: Researcher Anderson, Researcher Smith
Date: 03/09/2020
Total Items: Three notes with the words "SCP-914, are you able to communicate with me?" written on them
Input: One of the aforementioned notes
Setting: 1:1
Output: A note with the same message but translated into Hindi.
Input: Output of the previous test
Setting: 1:1
Output: A note with the same message but translated into Russian.
Input: Output of the previous test
Setting: 1:1
Output: A note with unknown symbols on it, theorized to mean the same as the previous notes.
Input: One of the aforementioned notes
Setting: Fine
Output: Several small pieces of paper seemingly cut and folded into letters to say "SCP-914, are you able to communicate with me?"
Input: One of the aforementioned notes
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A piece of paper folded to look like a mouth. The paper mouth levitated to face SCP-914 and vocalized the words "SCP-914, are you able to communicate with me?" seemingly in Researcher Anderson's voice, and fell to the ground.
Input: All of the above outputs
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of paper shreds and a small pile of graphite.
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"Experiment Log 914" by Dr Gears, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/experiment-log-914. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.
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