Note to all Researchers:
Please include your name on all records, along with date and total number of items "refined".
Researchers are responsible for all "Output". Should damage or loss of life occur, the researcher will be subject to administrative review and possible disciplinary action.
Biological testing has been suspended. Any biological testing must be cleared by O5 Command.
Test Log Format:
All test logs should be written in this form.
Name:
Date: DD/MM/YYYY
Total Items:
Input:
Setting:
Output:
<- Notice: Continued from 14XX.
Test 914-1500
Name: Researcher Salis
Date: 12/03/2020
Total Items: One spool of yellow fabric
Input: Above spool of fabric
Setting: Fine
Output: One yellow hoodie that appears black when exposed to light levels of 0.002 lux or higher. When not exposed to sufficient levels of light, the outfit glows at 15,000 lumens. Research staff were rendered temporarily blind during testing, output incinerated.
Note: The clothing seems to act as a "light sponge" of sorts, absorbing light during normal conditions and releasing it when the surrounding area gets dark. - R. Salis
Test 914-1501
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 12/03/2020
Total Items: Four plastic wheelbarrows, each loaded with the following: a box of 1000 18-gauge brad nails, a 20V 18-gauge electronic brad nailer, 16 2.43m 2x4 oak planks, and three wheelbarrow wheels.
Note: A friend's son is participating in a soap box derby in a few days. I thought I'd see if 914 could build him a winning rig, plus I had a $2000 gift certificate from [REDACTED] that I wasn't going to do anything with anyway. I've asked security to be on standby in case it decides to produce a literal nailgun, though. This is 914 we're talking about here. - Prof. Wren
Input: One wheelbarrow and contents.
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden booth, 3m x 1.4m x 1.2m in size, with a plastic door on one side. Inside is a wooden stool with a rubber seat, presumably formed from the tires, along with a microphone formed from the tires and brad nailer hanging from the ceiling. A USB slot is located on the underside of the microphone; plugging a USB-compatible data device into the slot allows audio inputs to be recorded onto the device as WAV files.
Note: As much as I'd love to request getting this transferred to my quarters, I already have recording equipment that, unlike this behemoth, would actually fit in the door. It is pretty nice, though. - Prof. Wren
Input: One wheelbarrow and contents.
Setting: Fine
Output: A animatronic emu constructed of wood, plastic, and metal. The ends of its feathers are steel-plated. A set of levers on its hind quarters allow it to be operated, moving the wings and head around. Stirrups in the legs allow the controller to walk it around.
Note: As with many of 914's creations, this is equal parts impressive, cool, and utterly useless. Could be a hit at the next office party, I suppose. - Prof. Wren
Input: One wheelbarrow and contents.
Setting: Fine
Output: A gattling gun embankment. The wood-constructed gattling gun is loaded with projectiles formed from the brad nails; mass of each projectile and the 250-round count suggests they are formed from 4 nails each.
Note: D-Class successfully restrained after the weapon failed to fire; a large plastic flag with "BANG" written on it in metal letters slid out of each barrel as the gun rotated.
Note: Remainder of test canceled. Items designated for final test turned over to maintenance personnel.
Note: If anyone else feels they need a drink after that one, feel free to join me. First round's on me. - Prof. Wren
Test 914-1502
Name: Junior Researcher McLaif
Date: 12/03/2020
Total Items: An introductory note, five surge protectors
Note: I looked through all of my logs and as it turns out I've never done the "give 914 an intro note" tradition we have here, apparently. — JR Mclaif
Input: The introductory note, saying "Hey 914, I've been working with you for almost 6 months and never done this intro note tradition we have. Here's to another 6 months of testing — McLaif"
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same note, with the text arranged into an anomalously animated rotating 3D cube.
Input: A surge protector
Setting: Rough
Output: A melted and burnt pile of copper, rubber, and plastic.
Input: A surge protector
Setting: Coarse
Output: The constituent parts of the surge protector, arranged by size.
Input: A surge protector
Setting: 1:1
Output: An extension cable.
Input: A surge protector
Setting: Fine
Output: A plastic and rubber box 10cm x 2cm x 2cm in size, shaped like the input surge protector. The top of the box contains six sockets similar to NEMA Type B sockets found at Site 19-23. Plugging in a power supply with a cable modified to have two plugs on either end has the box emitting light proportional to the amperage of the power supply. When a device with a compatible plug is inserted, the box will anomalously supply 1V at 0.5mA split among all connected devices. The box does not supply power otherwise.
Input: A surge protector
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A rubber-covered metal cube with an exposed wire attached to a face. When connected to power, the cube will levitate 10cm above the surface it is placed on, and powers electrical devices in a 20m cube. After being powered for 52 seconds, the output melted into a pool of rubber and copper.
Note: While the plug is fixed in it's shape, socket however can change it's shape to fit any electrical plug, as it is composed out of living metal. Plug could also change to four shapes, which are all unknown variations of a plug and is changed using a dial on the side of the adapter. As such, this appears like a universal plug adapter. The dial anomalously replaces the socket on the adapter after vibrating the device at 120 Hertz for 0.5 seconds.
Test 914-1503
Name: Agent Rosetta
Date: 14/03/2020
Total Items: N/A (test not performed on-Site, see below.)
Note: This test was recovered in the last expedition of SCP-1437. We asked Dr. Veritas where to file it, and he asked me ''to think long and hard about that question before doing so again''. I assume that that means ''with the others''. - Agent Rosetta
Item #: SCP-914
Object Class: To be determined.
Object Subclass: Class-A multi-function/production anomaly.Description: To be determined.
Name: O6-4, vD-15, vD-17, vD-21
Date: 06/02/2025
Total Items: Nine pure 1kg iron cubes
Note: After recently acquiring this Class-A functionally-anomalous object and performing basic analysis, it has been cleared for testing and designated SCP-914 by the O6 Council. I will be personally performing the first round of tests with the assistance of voluntary Class-vD personnel. - O6-4 "Vivic"
Input: One iron cube
Setting: Obliterate
Output: As the doors of the booth labelled "Output" opened, 1kg of iron dust averaging 1μm in diameter was ejected at speeds exceeding Mach 3. vD-15 was terminated and standard Foundation-issue steel-carbide-reinforced shields were determined to be insufficient against uncooperative behaviour displayed by SCP-914. Nano-bot cleanup and repair teams were immediately summoned in order to resume testing as soon as possible.
Note: Response time of SCP-914 is noted to be six minutes. The ballistic glass of the observation room is noted to be slightly damaged. Considering the physical destruction caused by this test, all personnel are forbidden from using the Obliterate setting for future testing. - O6-4
Input: One iron cube
Setting: Rough
Output: 0.5kg of pure molten iron at 950°C and 0.5kg of solid iron showing signs of tensile torsion, impact damage and other signs of various forms of trauma. Interestingly, there was no detected increase in the local temperature readings until the booth labelled "Output" opened after the an operation time of five minutes. A nano-bot cleanup crew has once again been called, this time to remove the molten iron safely before it solidified to the bottom of the booth.
Note: It appears that this setting is used to dismantle the inputted item in a crude manner, provided that the input can be successfully damaged or destroyed in such away. More testing with stronger materials to ascertain the limits of this setting should be considered with cleanup crews on standby. This setting is approved for future use by research personnel. - O6-4
Input: One iron cube
Setting: Coarse
Output: The entire floor of the output booth was coated in iron dust measuring 1mm in diameter. No anomalous properties noted. Total mass of iron dust measured 1kg in weight and is viable for nano-bot recycling protocols.
Note: Although the lack of a violent and/or dangerous outputs is a reassuring step in the right direction, it does make the extra shielding and reinforcements put in place feel rather unnecessary. This setting is approved for future research personnel. - O6-4
Input: One iron cube
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 1kg iron sphere with perfect curvature across the surface. Further analysis shows no other signs of modification or any defects known to occur during conventional ironworking processes. vD-17 noted it to be cold to the touch as the input was. Readings have confirmed no significant temperature difference between input and output.
Note: Although anticlimactic, this output is much more favourable compared to the ones we've gotten so far, requiring no extra resources or personnel to retrieve the output. Future testing is encouraged with this setting because of the safety of output items. - O6-4
Input: One iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: One highly detailed map of the Nation of Alexandria made from the inputted iron and flattened into a 1mm-thin plate. Typography and landmarks are engraved onto one surface. Details of the map compared to the current geographic area has shown the outputted iron map represents the Nation as it was in 2021.
Note: These tests are showing great progress and it appears a pattern is emerging. The further we turn the dial, the more complex the outputted objects. Further testing on this setting is encouraged with multiple input objects to more accurately determine how SCP-914 functions. - O6-4
Input: One iron cube
Setting: Very Fine
Output: As the doors of the booth labelled "Output" opened, one 20cm-tall statue of David The Thinker made entirely out of iron walked out of the booth. After being detained, it was discovered that the object is capable of communicating via and comprehending written language. Object classified as a Class-C sentient and mobile anomaly and has been contained on-site successfully following proper protocols for similar anomalies.
Note: Further testing with this setting will require containment specialist personnel on standby and a detailed log of outputted anomalies should be maintained. I can personally see some very dangerous anomalies being created by this setting. Testing with this setting is approved with written approval, but personnel must be cautious of potentially hazardous outputs. - O6-4
Input: One iron cube
Setting: Ultra Fine
Output: A five-dimensional cuboid object merged with a severed hexahedron, classified as a Class-B physical/geometric anomaly. Containment teams deployed and object successfully contained in a stabilized state for further research.
Note: Another item like that and the safety of this research facility cannot be ensured. Testing with this setting will require written approval by senior research personnel and multiple containment and security teams are required to be on standby. Items outputted on this setting that qualify as a Class-B or above sentient anomaly must be questioned thoroughly and disposed of via the Void if necessary. - O6-4
Input: One iron cube
Setting: Extremely Fine
Output: A Class-S physical/geometric anomaly. Site-wide lockdown, Identification impossible due to possible violation of 6th-dimensional geometry. MTF Omega-C3 was teleported into the testing chamber for object termination and was successful in doing so. vD-17 terminated after attempting to comprehend output.
Note: Further testing on this setting is forbidden by all personnel. Also, should any tests on this setting happen without proper approval by the O6 Council, those responsible will be punished and terminated if they are not already terminated by the output. - O6-4
Input: One iron cube
Setting: Super Fine
Output: One file binder made of the inputted iron, containing 18 25 28 a constantly-updating number of pages made entirely of iron measuring 0.2mm in thickness with an anomalous degree of flexibility similar to conventional paper. Object classified as a Class-C Multiversal Interference anomaly after reading the texts engraved on the pages. Binder has been contained at Site-01 and access requires O6-level approval.
Note: The binder is titled "Experiment Log 914 - Universe-[REDACTED]-Erikesh" and contains over 1300 tests on SCP-914 made by another Foundation. Further testing with this setting is prohibited. All personnel are to be directed to the addendum below.
Addendum:
During the standard week-long observation period of anomalies, it was discovered that the binder will update and add new pages as needed by taking iron from the environment in a radius of 9.14m, similar to a Class-A element absorption anomaly, targeting bulk sources first before going after bonded molecules. All new pages and tests are to be added to an isolated database on-Site and the binder has now been classified as SCP-914-A. Furthermore, testing on the 'Super Fine' setting is prohibited entirely without clearance from the full O6 Council.
Note: I had, at first glance, thought that the binder was a very interesting creation. As the test logs and names began appearing in it, we realised it wasn't a joke. It is actively taking data from another universe where the SCP Foundation appears to also exists and so violates all known laws of hyperspace-time, hence requiring proper containment and permanent observation. As for the multiverse communication data sharing protocols, a notice will be added to the bottom of this document. - O6-4
Notice to SCP Foundation, Universe-[REDACTED]-Erikesh
Dear Dr. Lucius Elijah Veritas,
I am O6-4 of the SCP Institution operating from universe Omega774Foxtrot-4G. Operating clandestine, worldwide and systemwide, the Institution operates beyond jurisdiction, empowered and entrusted by every major national government with the task of containing anomalous objects, entities, and phenomena. These anomalies pose a significant threat to global security by threatening either physical or psychological harm. The Institution operates to maintain normalcy, so that the worldwide civilian population can live and go on with their daily lives without fear, mistrust, or doubt in their personal beliefs, and to maintain human independence from extraterrestrial, extradimensional, and other extranormal influence.
I will assume that "SCP" means the same to you as it does to us - our mission to secure, contain and protect.
Personally, I am impressed with the level of patience you have displayed with your researchers over your many years at Site-19 Facility 23.
We have also noticed that your universe's version of SCP-914 is lacking a few settings. Study of the binder from the above test has provided much useful data to the Institution from your Foundation. By Dr. Gears' recommendation, we will also be outlawing biological testing.
Sincerely, on behalf of the SCP Institution, I thank you for your continued work and research, Dr. Veritas. May the Serpent guide you to enlightenment.
Best regards,
O6-4 "Vivic"
Secure. Contain. Protect.P.S.: I assure you that the Senior Researcher Vivic you have is not me. My O6 codename, "Vivic", is nothing more than a coincidence. Keep up the good fight, Dr. Veritas. And your sanity.
Note: Never thought that I'd receive encouragement from an inter-dimensional Foundation researcher, but here we are. - Veritas
Test 914-1504
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 14/03/2020
Total Items: Eight magic 8-balls
Input: One magic 8-ball
Setting: Rough
Output: A smashed magic 8-ball, broken into eight main fragments.
Input: One magic 8-ball
Setting: Coarse
Output: An empty magic 8-ball, a puddle of alcohol, a puddle of blue dye, a small hollow cylinder, and the icosahedron used in magic 8-balls.
Input: One magic 8-ball
Setting: 1:1
Output: A physically unchanged magic 8-ball. The output hurled itself out of the output booth at ██ km/h straight at JR Boneka, who reflexively caught it in her hands. Upon catching the object, the phrase “SWEET CATCH!” was vocalized from the 8-ball. Aside from this, it still functions like a standard magic 8-ball. No further changes are noted.
ADDENDUM: The magic 8-ball will make further vocalizations whenever anyone at Facility 23 performs certain actions. The 8-ball does not have to be within the immediate vicinity of the person performing the action as long as they are on-site. A brief list of actions and their corresponding vocalizations is included below.
| Action | Vocalization |
|---|---|
| A researcher who recently performed a test with a dangerous output managed to evade a confrontation with Dr. Veritas. For now. | “NICE ABSCOND!” |
| A male researcher dodged an output that had exited the output booth at high speed. | “DUDE DODGE!” |
| Another avoidance of a high-speed output, this time by one of the youngest researchers on-site. | “YOUTH ROLL!” |
Note: Object incinerated. I doubt it’s particularly dangerous or anything… it’s just a little annoying. - JR Boneka
Input: One magic 8-ball
Setting: 1:1
Output: One magic cue-ball. Presumably, it functions similarly to a standard magic 8-ball, but the surface is entirely opaque, and there is no viewing port through which to view the “fortune”, rendering the object useless.
Input: One magic 8-ball
Setting: Fine
Output: A magic 8-ball that has sprouted four pairs of arachnid legs, similar to SCP-2649. The entity oozes a liquid similar to SCP-2649-A in consistency, although it is tinted blue and does not exhibit the same anomalous effects. Entity neutralized after JR Boneka impulsively kicked it away, causing it to smash into a wall and shatter. No anomalous effects recorded afterwards.
Note: I… I’m starting to really regret the materials I chose to perform this test. I should have chosen objects with less… morally dubious associations? Regardless, this is all quite fascinating… the show must go on. - JR Boneka
Input: One magic 8-ball
Setting: Fine
Output: Another magic cue-ball, although this time, the sphere is translucent, allowing for the fortune inside to be seen. When a D-class was instructed to pick it up, the ball exploded, damaging his left eye and arm. D-class sent to the infirmary.
Input: One magic 8-ball
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Eight D8 dice, made out of the solid components of the original 8-ball. It is presumed that the liquid is inside the dice. When all eight dice are rolled simultaneously, an event occurs, seemingly based on the combination of numbers achieved by rolling the dice. Placing the dice on specific sides deliberately will not trigger any event; they must be rolled at random. For the purpose of testing, a D-class was instructed to attempt different rolls while security staff stood guard.
| Numbers rolled | Event |
|---|---|
| 1, 4, 2, 1, 1, 5, 2, 1 | “Ridiculous Hat”: A purple top hat with bunny ears attached suddenly manifested on the head of one of the security guards. |
| 2, 4, 5, 2, 6, 3, 1, 4 | “Weasel of Unusual Size”: A mouse-sized weasel manifested and began attempting to attack one of the security guards, though was unable to do much due to its small size. The weasel vanished when the guard reflexively kicked it away. |
| 7, 6, 2, 8, 4, 5, 7, 7 | “Musclebeast Stampede”: A small group of centaur-like creatures manifested and began attacking security staff, causing some damage to the preliminary testing room in the process. While security was handling the creatures, the D-class attempted to escape from the room, but was unsuccessful and quickly terminated. After security finished neutralizing them, the creatures also dematerialized. Some guards are now being treated for moderate injuries. |
Note: It seems that the result of rolling the dice is based on the combination of (and the order in which) the individual numbers rolled and not the sum of the numbers. That would mean that there are 16,777,216 possible outcomes for rolling the dice. As likely expected, a roll that results in lower numbers triggers a mostly harmless event, while higher number rolls likely result in more dangerous or unstable events. Based on the source material from which this concept was derived, I assume that this output is intended to be weaponized, and though it’s based on chance, it would be extremely dangerous if it fell into the wrong hands. Output incinerated. I assume I’m going to get an earful from Veritas after this, so that’s enough testing for the day. - JR Boneka
Test 914-1505
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 14/03/2020
Total items: Two PlayStation 4 copies of Detroit: Become Human, two Grizzly MkV pistols, two FN FAL battle rifles, two schematics of the LGM-30 Minutenan ICBM
Note: After reading WR Markham's latest test, I can't help but think why she got an unbalanced share of "Girls Frontline" references when my background would be more susceptible to it. I'll try to invoke a response from 914 by using inputs that are more likely to invoke such references. - JR Reimer
Input: A copy of Detroit: Become Human
Setting: Fine
Output A PlayStation 3 copy of a non-existent game titled Brześć: Innocence Lost. The plot of the game follows closely to that of the Call of Duty series and Girls Frontline, but set in the year 2036. It should be noted that the game has Vladimir Makarov (the antagonist in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2) as the main character, and reworked Makarov (the Girls Frontline character) as his harsh and scheming daughter.
Note: Seems to be working. I'll see if it's just because of the source material, or whether there is a distinct bias towards the game. Or whether 914 is just screwing over with Markham. On another note, unless 914 wants to differentiate Brest, Belarus with Brest, France, I don't see why it has to use the Polish name for the city. - JR Reimer
Input: A Grizzly MkV pistol, loaded
Setting: Fine
Output One M1911 pistol and one Kel-Tec PMR-30 pistol. Both are empty, with the PMR-30 being stained with an unidentified red liquid.
Input: An FN FAL battle rifle
Setting: Fine
Output The same rifle, with the logo of the Chaos Insurgency printed on.
Note: I highly doubt that the Chaos Insurgency represents anything resembling the Free World. - JR Reimer
Input: A schematic of the Minuteman ICBM
Setting: Fine
Output A schematic of the Trident SLBM
Input: A copy of Detroit: Become Human
Setting: Very Fine
Output A DVD, containing all songs recorded by Eminem.
Note: That took an unexpected turn. Why Eminem in particular? It's not like Detroit has no talented acts besides him. - JR Reimer
Input: A Grizzly MkV pistol, loaded
Setting: Very Fine
Output Outwardly unchanged pistol. However its firing mechanism has been altered to shoot bullets alternately backwards and forwards.
Input: An FN FAL battle rifle
Setting: Very Fine
Output The same rifle, with a primary cognitohazardous effect which causes the wielder to believe they are in Copenhagen in the year 1984. Affected subjects will claim that the Afsluitdijk is a fortified zone and the only access point between "Free Europe" and "Soviet Europe", and that several Norwegian straits, the Wadden Sea, and the IJssel, Rhine, Neckar, Danube, Morava, and Vardar Rivers separate most of the two regions, with the Danish Islands, Fehmarn, Rügen, Öland, and Gotland being the Baltic stronghold against Communism. Effect persists for four hours.
Note: How oddly specific. To simplify, Norway (sans Svalbard, Jan Mayen, and the islands from Vesterålen Archipelago and northeast to Skjervoy), Finland, Turkey, most of Sweden and Germany, continental Denmark, and parts of the Netherlands, Austria, and Greece fell under Communism; while Albania, most of Yugoslavia, half of Hungary, and Rügen in former East Germany are free. Beyond that, and the subjects' claims start contradicting each other, with the description of Bulgaria's borders being the only consistent point. - JR Reimer
Input: A schematic of the Minuteman ICBM
Setting: Very Fine
Output A schematic of a laser-based weapon, labeled the "Jupiter Cannon". Several of the required components cannot be recreated with baseline or anomalous technology as of 2020.
Note: Two references in total, though the "Jupiter Cannon" in the schematic would function more like a mini-Death Star than the actual in-game thing. Not conclusive enough of a result, but I am willing to bet that 914's bias has something to do with Markham's choices for input. If she is willing to avoid weaponry (mainly the 200+ weapons with a canonical counterpart) or AI-themed inputs, the references may stop showing up after a while. - JR Reimer
Test 914-1506
Name: Intern Craft
Date: 14/03/2020
Total Items: One standard MTF Epsilon-11 fragmentation grenade, one phone opened onto the application "Discord" with light mode turned on, one M9 pistol, one white flag, two completed "914 recipe tables" corresponding to the items.
Note: It's been a while since the templates got filled out so I'm gonna get a few of them done now. Additionally, I'm using the "Very Fine" setting for 914's "Surprise Me" setting. - Intern Craft
Input: One standard MTF Epsilon-11 fragmentation grenade, one phone opened onto the application "Discord" with light mode turned on, the corresponding 914 recipe template
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One extra-strength MTF Nu-7 ("Hammer Down") flashbang with regenerative capabilities varying on energy source (Refer to addendum 1). After used, if an electronic device using an application with the setting of or related to "Light Mode" is within 20 meters of the flashbang, the device automatically changes said setting to "Dark Mode" and the flashbang regenerates back to it's non-used state. One phone opened onto the application "Discord" with night mode turned on, the corresponding 914 recipe template with a checkmark at the bottom right corner.
Input: One M9 pistol, one white flag, the corresponding 914 recipe template
Setting: Fine
Output: One M9 pistol, three ammunition cartridges for 9mm rounds made out of nylon fabric, the corresponding 914 recipe template with a checkmark at the bottom left corner and the suggested output being updated to now show a image of a flag being loaded into the cartridge instead of standard ammunition. The type of flag used decides effects of the bullet however there always is a fixed clip of nine bullets regardless of the flag consumed (Refer to addendum 2).
Addendum 1:
| Energy Source | Effect |
| iPhone 6/Twitter | Flashbang exploded with no unusual effects, the device's twitter application was forcefully switched to dark mode. |
| Macbook Air/YouTube | Flashbang exploded 5 seconds after expected detonation time, the laptop's YouTube application was forcefully switched to dark mode. |
| PC/Discord | Flashbang exploded immediately after leaving the D-Class personnel's hand. Entire room was impossible to see into for 12 hours. The PC's Discord application is permanently unable to switch from night mode to light mode. |
Addendum 2:
| Flag Type | Effects |
| United States of America | Upon firing the weapon, the bullet increases in size up to double its circumference. |
| United Kingdom | Bullets fired out of the gun split in 4 pieces |
| Italy | Approximately 3 seconds after the bullet exited the barrel, the bullet returned back to it's cartridge. |
| France | Bullets upon hitting a surface turn light blue and can be described as "easily noticeable." |
| USSR (upon the request of many researchers) |
Upon the bullet exiting the barrel, the national anthem of the former USSR played at 200dB, instantly causing permanent hearing loss from the D-Class personnel firing the gun and made noticeable cracks in the glass of the testing chamber. Intern Craft's paycheck has been docked to cover the expenses: Attempting to Verify Foundation Credentials… searching level 1 records… searching level 2 records… searching level 3 records… searching level 4 records… searching level 5 records… searching Level 6/O5 records… … Credentials invalid, billing access denied. Please create a WikiDot™ account for billing access.| |
Test 914-1507
Name: Intern Coray
Date: 14/03/2020
Total Items: One note and two copies of the manga series JoJo's Bizzare Adventure: Vento Aureo
Note: Hello all, I'm the new intern. Why I chose to be posted at the site with the most bizarre deaths among interns, I don't know. Regardless, let's hope that this test doesn't kill anybody. -Intern Coray
Input: One note reading "Hello 914. I will be working with you. Please refrain from killing me. Thank you."
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of shredded paper and a puddle of ink.
Input: One Copy of JoJo's Bizzare Adventure: Vento Aureo
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Copy of JJBA: Stone Ocean
Note: I don't remember leaving 914 on Coarse. -Intern Coray
Input: One copy of JoJo's Bizzare Adventure: Vento Aureo
Setting: Fine
Output: One "stand arrowhead" as seen in the manga made of compressed paper. It has been painted gold via the ink from the manga. The words "Korega Requiem Da" are written on the side of the arrow.
Test 914-1508
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 14/03/2020
Total Items: Three maps of the United States, 1:50000 scale (For Alaska, 1:200000 scale)
Input: A map of the United States
Setting: 1:1
Output: A map of China, 1:70000 scale.
Input: A map of the United States
Setting: Coarse
Output: A map of a United States that suffered a worse War of 1812, dated 1960. The map shows that the Maumee River, the 41st parallel, and the Missouri River became the American-Canadian border, and that the Aroostook border disputes were ruled in favor of the British Empire. Despite that, Florida and most of Texas are shown as American territory. The map shows wearing consistent with a poorly kept paper item from 1960.
Input: A map of the United States
Setting: Fine
Output: A world map in Romanian, dated 1715. The continents are depicted in a way similar to that in Steven Universe (including a different South American-African split and a hole in Siberia). However, the world map itself shares more in common with Io Mihailŭ, Împĕratul Românilor, the main differences being the continued independence of Portugal, a lack of a "Scandinavian North Asia", and the existence of a Jurchen Khanate in the Far East.
Note: Fair enough. But of all things, a Romania wank in "Steven Universe" is definitely not something that I would have expected. - Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-1509
Name: Junior Researcher Koop
Date: 15/03/2020
Total Items: One USB drive containing the article of SCP-████, a file that only requires 0/GENERAL access
Note: I know it's counterintuitive to redact a 0/GENERAL file, but it's not important for the test. All that should be known is that it's Safe, Dark, Notice, and the only object warning is mild cognitohazard. If you really want to dig, it's probably in the standard employee handbook, 34th edition. - J.R. Koop
Input: Said USB drive
Setting: Fine
Output: A USB drive of a different model. The drive contains a .mp4 file resembling a televised EAS alert, describing an apparent containment breach of SCP-682, informing all residents of Florida to shelter in place. The Foundation does not collaborate with the FCC or NOAA to deliver EAS alerts. The SAME header and video transcript have been decoded below.
| Raw Data | Transcript | Explanation of Raw Data |
|---|---|---|
| ZCZC-SCP-SPW-012000-0630-██████-████/SCPF | The SCP Foundation, in collaboration with the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation, Unusual Incidents Unit, and the Department of Defense, has issued a SHELTER IN PLACE warning for the state of FLORIDA from 12:36 PM to 7:06 PM. All residents of Florida should shelter in place immediately by entering the innermost room of a sturdy building. If you cannot make it to a shelter, hide anywhere you can. If you are on a road, pull over and hide in your vehicle. If you see a large reptilian creature approximately 20-30 feet long, do not let it see you and do not engage in fighting it. Hazard: Large, aggressive, reptilian entity traveling across the Florida Panhandle. Precautions: Shelter in place in a sturdy building. [Message is repeated in Spanish] | The first block is simply a starting tone. The second block is the originator code, which has the code "SCP¹.," instead of "CIV" or "PEP," which relate to civil authorities or national officials. The third code relates to the event code, which is a shelter in place warning (SPW). The fourth code is the region code, which corresponds to the entire state of Florida². The fifth code relates to the time of conclusion, which is precisely 6 hours and 30 minutes from the broadcast. The sixth code is the exact time code, which has not been decoded as of now. The final code is the station broadcast code, wherein this case is the PM (polarized modulation) radio station code for Facility-23, which has been redacted for security reasons. |
Note: I'm surprised that there wasn't a cognitohazard. Surely 914 hid some weird paranoia thing in the attention tones. I'm just going insane after this fucking job. 914 HASN'T PUT A [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] COGNITOHAZARD- - J.R. Koop
Note: Junior Researcher Koop was sedated has been scheduled for mandatory psychiatric evaluation for work-related stress. The output is not cognitohazardous, but feel free to come over if you're under some Nocebo Effect. - Psychiatric Specialist Insano
Footnotes
1. Originator code "SCP" has never been in use.
2. SCP-682 has never been contained in Florida.
Test 914-1510
Name: Guest Researcher Hayes
Date: 15/03/2020
Total Items: A digital archive of several undisclosed SCP reports (external harddrive).
Note: Dr. Campbell asked me to run these through here. I don't know what's on these. - GR Hayes
Input: A digital archive of several undisclosed SCP reports.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A hard drive containing an archive of various SCP report, both fictional and actual. Clearance levels have been randomly assigned for viewing.
Incident report:
Site Director Hackett: After consulting Dr. Campbell due to security concerns, it was discovered that Guest Researcher Hayes never received orders to perform any testing. Hayes appears to have stolen the hard drive from the Foundation Archive under the guise of janitorial duties. Dr. Veritas confronted Hayes about this, and caught him with his personal phone, attempting to contact a third party with the hard drive plugged into a computer, presumably to relay information to them. Guest Researcher Hayes (later revealed to be ████ ██████) was summarily executed by Dr. Veritas through firearm, after suspect refused to hand over either the phone or the hard drive, and attempted to produce a weapon when pressed. Third party was traced and revealed to be two members of ''The Serpent's Hand'', which were located and terminated. O5-█ has pardoned Dr. Veritas from disciplinary action post-incident.
Test 914-1511
Name: Researcher Salis
Date: 15/03/2020
Total Items: Five iron cubes, each one cubic meter in volume
Note: Previous testing seems to imply that 914 refines its inputs based on the operator's thoughts and perceptions of the item. I think it would be best to see what limitations this perception-based refinement has, starting off with how operator distance affects the process. The following tests will have the mainspring wound by a robotic assembly, with a human operator moving farther away from 914 for each refinement. The operator was instructed to focus on the concept of "electricity" throughout each test for consistency. - Researcher Salis
Input: One iron cube
Distance: One meter
Setting: Fine
Output: One iron cylinder, with "minus" and "plus" signs engraved on either end. Through anomalous means, electrons in the output are continuously attracted to the end marked with the "minus" sign, producing a negative electrical charge on the "minus" side, as well as a positive charge on the end marked with a "plus" sign.
Input: One iron cube
Distance: Two meters
Setting: Fine
Output: One ampere meter. Due to being composed entirely of iron, the device does not function. When recreated with standard materials and used to measure a circuit, the recreation prints the numbers "914" on its display, regardless of the actual current being measured. Non-anomalous.
Note: 914 seems to have taken to the theme of "electricity" pretty well so far, although whether or not this will change as the "operator" moves farther away remains to be seen. - Researcher Salis
Input: One iron cube
Distance: Three meters
Setting: Fine
Output: Eight smaller cubes of iron, arranged in the shape of one large cube. When separated, the cubes gave off a noise described as "electric buzzing," and exhibited magnetic attraction to each other. After being held apart for five seconds, each cube heated up to approximately 95 degrees, and the attraction between them sharply increased. D-Class sent to retrieve output treated for burns, object placed in Anomalous Storage.
Input: One iron cube
Distance: Four meters
Setting: Fine
Output: One iron flashlight missing a light bulb, with a standard USB socket on the handle end and a dial near the front, indicating temperatures ranging from zero degrees to one hundred degrees. Light bulbs inserted into the device did not give off any visible light, even when powered. The dial was immovable until the device's USB port was plugged in and a light bulb was inserted, after which rotating the dial anomalously caused any surface the device was aimed at to reach the temperature selected.
Note: It looks like the concept of "electricity" is starting to be overridden as the operator moves away from 914. Will it be nullified completely at a point, or simply continue to fade? - Researcher Salis
Input: One iron cube
Distance: Five meters
Setting: Fine
Output: One cooking pan, designed for use with an induction stove. Non-anomalous.
Note: It seems as though the concept of "temperature" has almost completely overridden the concept of "electricity," although "electricity" seems to still persist. Although this does suggest that 914's thought-based refinement is based on physical distance, it does raise the question of where the thought of "temperature" came from. - Researcher Salis
Addendum: After a review of the parking lot security footage, it appears that a truck from Site-[REDACTED] was transporting supplies to Facility 23 during testing. The driver of the truck is notably sweating, and is complaining to a coworker about the temperature. During this period, the truck crew passed within two meters of Research Cell 109-B, resulting in a total distance of four meters from SCP-914.
Note: Oh. - Researcher Salis
Test 914-1512
Name: Dr. Creesperings, D-54372
Date: 16/03/2020
Total Items: 950 grams of plastic, 1000 grams of granite
Note: Hello, I am Dr. Creesperings, and I have been newly assigned to 914. I hope my time here goes well! - Dr. Creesperings
Input: 500 grams of plastic
Setting: Fine
Output: Plastic figurines of various SCPs. Placed in the break room after being confirmed non-anomalous.
Note: It appears that all figurines in the output matched SCPs featured in "Labs and SCPS 1e" handbook, which is also a product of 914. (See Test 914-0621) - Dr Creesperings
Input: 400 grams of plastic, 50 grams of granite.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One 1,100 carat diamond, one 225 ml puddle of ethanol, 50 grams of pulverised granite.
Note: It appears 914 took carbon from the plastic, organised it into a crystalline structure, and then used the leftovers to create a puddle of ethanol. Interesting, but not unheard of. - Dr Creesperings
Input: 50 grams of plastic, 450 grams of granite
Setting: Fine
Output: One granite model tank, with plastic wheels and a rubber firing mechanism. Capable of firing 1mm diameter objects when loaded through an entry hatch in the top. Placed in Non-Anomalous Storage. Upon being brought within three meters of Researcher Darby, the object fired its entire magazine at him, resulting in minor bruising. Incinerated.
Input: 500 grams of granite
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One granite sphere. When the output was removed by D-5472, the sphere suddenly experienced a sharp increase in weight, causing D-5472 to drop the object and damaging the chamber floor. Testing determined that moving the sphere further away from metallic objects causes it to become increasingly attracted to the nearest one - hence, resulting in its pull towards the metal floor of the test chamber. Placed in an iron storage locker and moved to Anomalous Storage.
Note: A "reverse magnet" of sorts? Interesting. - Dr. Creesperings
Test 914-1513
Name: Researcher Salis
Date: 16/03/2020
Total Items: Five "Furbies", plush toys made to resemble animal-like creatures
Input: One aforementioned "Furby"
Setting: Rough
Output: One severely damaged pile of electronics, showing signs of melting and crushing. Numerous strands of burnt plastic fur. Described as "unsettling".
Input: One aforementioned "Furby"
Setting: Coarse
Output: Numerous piles of plastic pellets, arranged by colour. Circuitry and other electronic parts laid out in order of size.
Input: One aforementioned "Furby"
Setting: 1:1
Output: One lizard plushie, made with similar proportions to the input. The plastic fur of the input has been melted down and shaped into plastic reptilian scales. Internal circuitry has been left unchanged.
Input: One aforementioned "Furby"
Setting: Fine
Output: One "Furby", visually identical to the input. The output's "eyes" will follow the nearest person, regardless of physical obstructions or battery power in the electronics. People observed have described feeling "watched", even when they are unaware of the object's existence, or of its eyes following them. Incinerated.
Note: These last two outputs seems a bit lazy on 914's end. Is it getting tired? - R. Salis
Input: One aforementioned "Furby"
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One animate robotic leviathan, many times larger than the input. Exited the output booth and terminated retrieving D-Class, as well as entire research and guard team. Broke through the roof of the research cell and exited Earth's atmosphere. Containment efforts and subsequent neutralisation efforts failed. Foundation secrecy lifted on ██/██/████, resulting in numerous Keter-class SCP objects breaching containment in the following chaos. Output reversed direction upon reaching a distance of 0.3 light-years away from Earth, currently believed to be increasing in velocity. SCP classification granted ██/██/███, assigned Apollyon object class on ██/██/████. Object projected to impact Earth within ██ days, resulting in an XK-Class End of the World scenario. Foundation resources fully focused on terminating output, likeliness of success estimated at 9%. One visually unchanged "Furby." When the output booth opened, Researcher [REDACTED], the transcriber for the test, was afflicted with a strong memetic effect that caused him to believe the output was a malicious, reality-warping serpent. Amnestics administered, output incinerated.
Note: Never mind. - R. Salis
Note: Salis, you're a researcher, which means that at some point, you have gotten at least in the vicinity of a university before. As such, I'd appreciate it if you stop calling non-biological machines ''tired''. - Veritas
Test 914-1514
Name: Intern Beauvillier
Date: 16/03/2020
Total Items: Three books titled "What could go wrong… if I sell this book", "What could go wrong… if there's a second volume", and "What could go wrong… if there's a sequel to the sequel", written by [REDACTED]
Note: Trying to get a safety manual for 914. Honestly, I'm afraid of how it will turn out, but you never know if you don't try. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: The first book
Setting: Fine
Output: One book titled "What could go wrong… when using SCP-914". Notable examples included "Putting SCP-173 in SCP-914 on Very Fine" and "Putting an atomic bomb in 914 on Very Fine", the latter being somewhat similar to "Putting uranium in 914 on Rough". Some pages following particularly irrational/dangerous testing suggestions are burned off.
Note: Let's burn it before Veritas knows about this. - Intern Beauvillier
Note: Too late. - Veritas
Input: The second book
Setting: Fine
Output: One book titled "What could go wrong… Kai Edition!" Notable extracts included "Report a test with bad grammar immediately" or "Be Beauvillier".
Note: Okay, I guess I deserved it. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: The third book
Setting: Fine
Output: One book titled "SCP-914 Safety Notice: How To Avoid Being Killed By Your Outputs"
Note: Finally! Here it is! Thank you 914. This will change the Facility's way of researching. - Intern Beauvillier
Addendum:
Upon opening the book, Intern Beauvillier reported hearing a soft whisper, in Dr. Veritas' voice, saying "Would you like to know what the secret to it is?" followed by, at approximately 82 dB: ''READ THE ACTUAL SECURITY MANUAL'' causing him to drop the output while screaming expletives.
Beauvillier was sent the medical bay for psychological screening. Due to the relative distance, he suffered no permanent hearing injuries. It is to be noted that no one else was present while he opened the book. The effect does not exist for other researchers, and has not occurred since.
Note: While I'm usually more subtle with this, there is actually a security manual. The fact that so few new people know about this is concerning. - Veritas
Test 914-1515
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: Sixteen/Zero three/Two-thousand twenty
Total Items: One sheet of notebook paper, one pen
Input: One sheet of notebook paper, one pen
Setting: Fine
Output: A pen and a sheet of notebook paper with a cognitohazard drawn on it that will compel those who view it to write and type all numeric digits as numbers regardless of their context. The effect wears off after seven hours and is not mitigated by amnestics.
Note: After a few hours, I can firmly say that this is actually much more inconvenient than I initially thought it would be. I was just trying to do some unrelated work with a graphing calculator and instead of using digits for the equations, I typed in every number by hand. Letter-by-letter. You can probably guess that I didn’t get any work done today. Nine-one-four got me good this time. - JR Boneka
Test 914-1516
Name: Researcher Carter Williams
Date: 16/03/2020
Total Input: Four pairs of scissors, three clocks, one pointer stick
Note: Requesting armor in case 914 launches the blades at somebody at high speeds. -R. Williams
Input: One pair of scissors
Setting: Coarse
Output: Two scissor halves
Input: One pair of scissors
Setting: 1:1
Output: A pair of miniature gardening shears
Input: One pair of scissors
Setting: Fine
Output: One pair of visibly sharpened scissors, but it is to be noted that any attempt to cut materials other than cardboard has been so far met with failure
Input: One pair of scissors, one pointer stick
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One pointer stick, with an additional 5cm-length of metal on the end. Pointing the stick at anything within 3m of the stick will anomalously create cuts at that point similar to those made by scissors. D-98635 suffered minor wounds after the stick was pointed at them. Stick incinerated. Remains non-anomalous.
Input: One clock
Setting: 1:1
Output: One oversized pocket watch
Input: One clock
Setting: Fine
Output: One clock that runs twice as fast. Contact with a subject’s skin speeds up metabolic processes within the subject, often causing tachycardia and hyperventilation. Incinerated.
Input: One clock
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The output booth was empty. It is hypothesised that the output remained unchanged but created a temporal anomaly, causing it to appear on R. William’s desk two hours before the test retroactively.
Test 914-1517
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 18/03/2020
Total Items: Four Polaroid self-developing photographs of various facility personnel
Note: Just to be on the safe side, the outputs will be screened for SCP-096's face before anyone is allowed to look at them. D-class retrieving the outputs has been outfitted with a body harness connected to a catapult in case he takes an early look and it winds up being 096; most of us would rather have him torn to shreds well away from the facility if he gets that stupid. -Prof. Wren
Input: A photo of Research Director Dr. Veritas.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An origami statuette; the base reads "World's Greatest Juggling Act" in 12-pt. Helvetica. An anomalous property of the photo-statuette causes those who view it to regard Dr. Veritas with increased esteem or, in Dr. Veritas' case, to experience a reduction of fatigue, stress, and anger.
Note: That's very thoughtful of you, 914. I'm sure he could use this, given some of the outcomes of these tests. - Prof. Wren
Input: A photo of Security Chief Sedna.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An origami "sheriff's star" badge. An anomalous property of the photo-badge causes those who view it while Security Chief Sedna is within 7 meters of the object to be compelled to confess their most recent wrongdoings to him; the closer he is to the object, the stronger the compulsion.
Note: Given how many reports he's about to give Dr. Veritas, I think that previous output just became a bit more necessary for him. I get the sneaking suspicion Sedna's going to be carrying that around for a while. -Prof. Wren
Input: A photo of former Researcher Darby.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of a clockwork woman playing a fiddle. An anomalous property of the photo causes the viewer to percieve the former as SCP-914 and the latter as former Researcher Darby.
Note: Testing briefly postponed due to multiple personnel being overcome with laughter.
Note: Well, that was hilarious. Anyway, on to the last one…given some of the other things 914's produced for me, I'm certain I'm going to regret this. -Prof. Wren
Input: A photo of Prof. Wren
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A 3-dimensional photo of Prof. Wren engaging a creature resembling SCP-682 in mortal combat. Flipping the photograph around 360 degrees clockwise, back to front, causes the photo to change slightly; flipping it the other way causes it to return to the previous iteration.
Note: Clamping the photo to a power drill and giving it a good spin revealed it be a 2-minute short video. I'd be far more impressed with this if it wasn't 26 seconds fighting followed by 1 minute 34 seconds of me getting crushed and devoured, though to be fair I'm impressed I lasted even that long. Still, that's probably gonna give me nightmares for a while. -Prof. Wren
Test 914-1518
Name: Dr. Hort
Date: 18/03/2020
Total Items: 62 one kilogram cubes of iron, one five kilogram cube of brass, 8 litres of oil, one note.
Note: I am planning to test on the rough setting until the damage inflicted upon the cubes is severely reduced, the destruction process takes too long, or 914 malfunctions. If a cube is too damaged, it will be replaced. - Hort
Input: One iron cube
Setting: Rough
Output: A puddle of molten iron.
Note: Tests 2-142 omitted for brevity.
Input: One slightly damaged iron cube
Setting: Rough
Output: A severely damaged iron cube, with one additional scratch.
Input: Previous output
Setting: Rough
Output: Identical output. The cube was located in the right side of the output booth.
Note: Just a small push? Well, it seems like this is as far as 914 can go. - Dr. Hort
Input: Three kilograms of brass, one litre of oil, one note reading “sorry for that”
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An extremely complex, oil powered clockwork pigeon composed of more than 3000 individual pieces that carried a note in its beak. The pigeon flew towards Dr. Hort, landed in front of him, and opened its beak. The note became an origami butterfly, which briefly touched Dr. Hort's forehead before becoming inert.
Test 914-1519
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 18/03/2020
Total Items: One slice of a carrot cake made entirely of synthetic ingredients
Note: That phosphorus statue of Darby ended up catching a rogue sunbeam on 25/11/2019, and set the room on fire while I was asleep. I have been in recovery for the past few months, but I am well now. Today is my birthday, and I am going to share my cake with 914.
Input: One slice of carrot cake
Setting: Rough
Output: A perfectly round pastry, analogous to a carrot cake that has been crushed into a mixture where the crumbs are evenly mixed with the icing.
Note: As the Rough setting doesn't seem to have meaningfully changed this cake at the molecular level, I have offered it to D-15164. He reports that it tastes like carrot cake, but with the consistency of thick tar. On an unrelated note, the other six slices are in the break room if anyone wants a piece. - R.A. Walker
Test 914-1520
Name: Dr. Darvin
Date: 18/03/2020
Total Items: One tweed jacket, one novelty plastic beer mug, one plastic cauldron filled with thirty chocolate discs wrapped in gold foil, one fiddle.
Note: The intention of this test is to record 914’s interpretation of cultural items during and following holiday events. An additional test has been queued using identical items in the following month.
Input: One Fiddle.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A traditionally styled Scottish bagpipe, with the usually cloth bag instead fashioned of delicate wooden fibers. When played, the bag buckled under the pressure and was torn in half.
Input: One novelty mug.
Setting: Fine
Output: An ornately sculpted chalice engraved with designs of shamrocks and assorted foliage. When drank from, subjects reported a hint of Guinness flavoring. Object is currently under decontamination protocols.
Input: One plastic cauldron, thirty coins wrapped in gold foil.
Setting: Fine
Output: A detailed sculpture of a leprechaun made from chocolate. When cut open, an accurate, albeit downsized, replica of human internal structures could be seen. The skeleton holding up the sculpture consists of dense, sturdy plastic, with organs and tissue structures made out of fragile sheets of metal. Object melted during examination. Remaining materials placed into storage.
Input: One tweed jacket.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A fabric hand capable of autonomous locomotion. Upon exiting the output chamber, the hand sought out D-23951 and repeatedly pinched their arm, creating 3 minor puncture wounds. Upon containment and transport by security staff, the hand saw a sudden shift towards docile behavior when in proximity to the green celebratory banner located within the Facility 23 break room. It broke free and latched to the banner, hiding behind it, displaying possible panic or desperation. Output forcibly recontained and incinerated.
Test 914-1521
Name: Researcher Darby
Date: 20/03/2020
Total Items: Fifteen large red bouncy balls, ten large rubber cubes
Input: Five rubber cubes.
Setting: Rough
Output: Pile of shredded rubber shards
Note: These look as if they belong in a children's playground. - Researcher Darby
Input: Five bouncy balls.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Two piles of material, one pile is composed of fragments of red paint and the other is composed of rubber fragments
Input: Five bouncy balls.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Five red rubber cubes.
Input: Five rubber cubes.
Setting: Fine
Output: One large rubber cube.
Input: Five bouncy balls
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Two rubber balls similar to SCP-018 and a small cube of non-anomalous rubber
Note: In a grievous lack of caution or common sense, Researcher Darby himself attempted to retrieve the output of SCP-914. The Output remained non-reactive to testing until any form of acceleration was applied to them. Recordings show that upon being briefly touched by Researcher Darby, the acceleration applied upon them was magnified to extreme levels causing them to move at high velocities directly away from Researcher Darby until reaching the walls of the Output booth. The rubber ball's bounce accelerated them, moving at terminal velocity directly at Researcher Darby. Researcher Darby was struck in the torso, thrown across the chamber and fell unconscious, security teams were mobilized and Researcher Darby was moved to the med bay to treat the broken ribs and fractured femur that the output caused. Researcher Darby has been deemed too much of a hazard and has been reassigned to Site-██. He's lucky to be alive. - Security Chief: Agent Alan Sedna
Note: Probably for the best. Still, you'd think he'd have learned after the last time we put a rubber ball through there (see Test 914-1069)…or any of the countless other times 914's reacted to him in such a way (see Tests 914-0263 thru…well, this one, I suppose). -Prof. Wren
Note: Oh, Darby. We will miss you dearly. But we will also be able to sleep easier at night now. Farewell and godspeed. - JR Boneka
Note: Hope you don't die in your new job, Darby. - Intern Regal
Note: Farewell, Isaac. You will certainly be immortalized here in Facility-23. For lack of a better word, it's been a pleasure to have worked with you. - Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-1522
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 20/03/2020
Total Items: Four copies of a photo of Researcher Isaac Darby, dated 01/01/2020
Input: A photo of Researcher Darby
Setting: Coarse
Output: A photo of former Researcher Calloway, on fire.
Input: A photo of Researcher Darby
Setting: 1:1
Output: A photo of SCP-914's exterior
Input: A photo of Researcher Darby
Setting: Fine
Output: A photo of all research and administrative personnel in Facility-23, dated 01/11/2019. All personnel who has since left are highlighted on the photo.
Note: A sweet touch. - Dr. Cleveland
Input: A photo of Researcher Darby
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Unchanged photo, with a cognitohazardous effect which causes the viewer to remember every event that happened in Facility-23 from the point they joined the SCP-914 research team.
Note: Ah, the good days… Nowadays, Facility-23 looks like a huge family, and I just hope it can last for a long time. - Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-1523
Name: Researcher Vivic
Date: 20/03/2020
Total Items: One USB drive containing 5GB of “deep fried” memes
Input: Above item.
Setting: Fine
Output: One USB drive containing a 1GB mp4 file simply titled “let me take a fry at this”. The video is that of the character Philip J. Fry from the TV show Futurama animated in a high resolution format assembled in ASCII style. The video shows the character doing the “default dance” from the game Fortnite along with a very low resolution copy of the signature music. Viewing the animation causes all viewers except those immune to memetic hazards to experience a brief yet complete lapse of sanity for the duration of the video. In some cases causing short outbursts of non-violent insanity, misery, and suicidal thoughts for those with great knowledge of internet memes.
Note: The above description was written by Dr. Zane as R. Vivic had completely fallen to the memetic effects that prevented him from recording or even writing down anything about it.
Note: Damn [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] stupid machine, also that's an awful pun. - R. Vivic
Test 914-1524
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 20/03/2020
Total Items: Two copies of Animal Crossing: New Horizons
Note: Just bought six copies. I'll be leaving one in the break room, giving one each to Boneka and Falstaff, keeping one for myself and using two for testing. - J.R. Kai
Note: If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my personal quarters playing this game for the next three days straight. Thank you, Kai. - J.R. Boneka
Input: One copy of Animal Crossing: New Horizons
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of DOOM Eternal
Note: I really, really did not expect that. Thank you, 914, for being so utterly unpredictable that the one time you give a predictable output, it's completely unpredictable. - J.R. Kai
Input: One copy of Animal Crossing: New Horizons
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One miniature plastic fishing rod that displays no anomalous abilities whatsoever. One miniature plastic model of a random featured object in Animal Crossing. The model morphs into a different object every time it is passed to a different person.
Addendum:
Recorded objects the output has morphed into so far include:
- Fishing Rod
- Axe
- Bell Bag
- Net
Test 914-1525
Name: Junior Researcher Metrov
Date: 21/03/2020
Total Items: Five 256MB USB drives with a basic "Hello World." programme written in Python
Note: Hello everyone, I am Junior Researcher Metrov. I worked in Site-19 tech support before being transferred here. I’m running this test to get my own sense of how this SCP operates. - Jr. Researcher Metrov
Note: Before anyone starts panicking, I’m using a computer with no network accessibility whatsoever. No risk of the internet being shut down. Hopefully. - Jr. Researcher Metrov
Input: One USB drive
Setting: Rough
Output: Multiple shards of plastic and metal, displaying visible signs of heat deformation
Input: One USB drive
Setting: Coarse
Output: One disassembled USB drive. Upon reassembly, the USB drive was discovered to have been wiped.
Note: I was expecting the drive to have been disassembled into its base materials and not just its components. - Jr. Researcher Metrov
Input: One USB drive
Setting: 1:1
Output: One unchanged USB drive, but the “Hello World.” programme has been rewritten in Java
Input: One USB drive
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged USB drive, but the output of the programme has been replaced by an ASCII water droplet
Input: One USB drive
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One unchanged USB drive. When the programme was run, the computer "bluescreened". The standard error text was replaced with multiple instances of "Hello World." Further analysis revealed that the programme had deleted multiple crucial startup files.
Note: I definitely saw something like this coming, so I have backup copies for the computer. Could have been worse, so I’m not complaining. I do wonder about the water droplet though. - Jr. Researcher Metrov
Note: He's not dead? After he jinxed it at the start? Incredible. - Dr. Cahill
Test 914-1526
Name: R. Carter Williams
Date: 21/03/2020
Total Items: Three bars of soap, one flyer for a play
Input: One bar of soap.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A bottle of hand sanitizer containing liquid soap. The exterior is made of soap.
Input: One bar of soap.
Setting: Fine
Output: A small, animate model of a pangolin made of soap. It is neither alive nor sentient.
Note: May I keep him? I know it's my fault if he ends up terminating me. -R. Williams
Note: Fine. - Veritas
Input: One bar of soap.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A bar of soap that removes, in an 8 cm radius, the outer layer of any organic matter that touches it. Incinerated.
Note: Requesting a new D-Class for item retrieval. -R. Williams
Input: One flyer for the play “Five Women Wearing the Same Dress.”
Setting: Fine
Output: An origami model of the character Mindy McClure from the play. This is, notably, the role Williams’ daughter would have played.
Note: My daughter had a role in her school play, but they had to cancel it. Thank you, 914. Permission to bring this home to her if it makes it through screening for anomalous properties? -R. Williams
Test 914-1527
Name: Dr. Meyer
Date: 21/03/2020
Total Items: Three pairs of wool socks
Input: A pair of socks
Setting: Fine
Output: A pair of socks that repels all liquids. Starts to resist being worn after the slightest amount of sweat is produced by the feet, making it impractical to wear.
Input: A pair of socks
Setting: Fine
Output: A pair of socks possessing a cognitohazard which prevents the wearer from removing them, usually because they are "too comfy".
Input: A pair of socks
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A pair of wet socks that are impossible to dry off.
Note: The air within the output chamber was completely drained of humidity. - Meyer
Test 914-1528
Name: Researcher Salis
Date: 22/03/2020
Total Items: Four spools of green, orange, purple, and black fabric
Note: Doing more fashion testing with 914, this time with some different colors. - Researcher Salis
Input: One spool of green fabric
Setting: Fine
Output: One green dress, stated by testing staff to smell like "a freshly mowed lawn". During testing, the object was found to anomalously manufacture glucose when exposed to UV light. When worn by a human, the dress transfers produced glucose directly into the wearer's veins. The dress appears to create these sugars from carbon dioxide and water located in the surrounding air. Placed in Anomalous Storage.
Input: One spool of orange fabric
Setting: Fine
Output: One orange scarf that maintains a constant temperature of twenty degrees, regardless of surrounding conditions. Wearers describe it as "warm" and "cozy." No other anomalous properties noted, output screened and donated to staff break room.
Input: One spool of purple fabric
Setting: Fine
Output: One purple dress shirt. No anomalous properties noted. Anomalously causes its wearers to receive a donation of $1000 from the Foundation bank reserve, three days after putting on the outfit. This effect is repeatable, and is recreated each time the attire is worn by a living human, regardless of whether they have previously worn it. Funds returned to Foundation reserve, output incinerated.
Input One spool of black fabric
Setting Fine
Output: One black raincoat. The coat absorbs heat from nearby areas, and uses this heat to rapidly evaporate any water it comes in contact with. This rapid release of heat makes it unsuitable for humans to wear, causing second to third degree steam burns. Item proved impossible to incinerate, placed in Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1529
Name: Junior Researcher Metrov
Date: 22/03/2020
Total Items: Five 160KB floppy disks
Note: Found these lying around in an old box. They’re clean so I figured I might as well test them. A D-Class will be retrieving all outputs. - JR Metrov
Input: One floppy disk
Setting: Rough
Output: Shards of plastic and a small pool of various melted metals
Input: One floppy disk
Setting: Coarse
Output: An empty floppy disk case with all the components lying next to it sorted by size
Input: One floppy disk
Setting: 1:1
Output: A plastic sheet A stack of 40 small plastic sheets measuring 21x29.7 cm, with a thickness measured in atoms. Plastic sheets disintegrated on removal.
Input: One floppy disk
Setting: Fine
Output: A visually unchanged floppy disk, anomalously permanently covered by a small film of pure water. Object stored in Anomalous Storage.
Input: One floppy disk
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A seemingly unchanged floppy disk. Upon picking it up, D-64381 immediately collapsed. Medical staff discovered that his spinal discs had anomalously become soft and malleable.
Test 914-1530
Name: Intern Craft
Date: 23/03/2020
Total Items: One NES with the game "Super Mario Bros" inserted into the cartridge reader, one portable generator, one NES controller, one small ████ brand box television.
Note: While links to external websites are normally discouraged to maintain a professional work environment, the links in the following tests were added by Craft to provide insight in the ''speedrun'' techniques used. Do not make this a habit. - Veritas
Note: It's been a while. Anyway, I wanted to test 914's ability to do certain actions, kind of like the chess game with 914 done about a year ago. In addition, all items have been plugged into their respective ports (refer to Addendum 1). - Intern Craft
Input: All above itemsSetting: 1:1
Output: One small box television that showed the end screen of the game (upon completing 8-4) attached to a slightly smaller generator, One NES controller attached to the console, one DVD disc. DVD disc is now stored in Intern Craft's office.
Addendum 1: List of items and their according plug-ins
| Item | Plugged into |
|---|---|
| NES Console | TV and Generator |
| NES Controller | NES Console |
| TV | Generator and NES Console |
| Generator | TV and NES Console |
Addendum 2: Abnormalities in TAS gameplay
| Level | Normal Gameplay | TAS |
|---|---|---|
| 1-1 | Player performs FPG | 914 uses FPG setup never used before in TAS or Human Speedrunning involving clipping through the stairs near the flagpole. |
| 1-2 | Player takes path towards warpzone and picks the pipe leading to World 4 | No noticeable change in gameplay |
| 4-1 | Player makes short jumps to avoid enemies while saving time. At the end, the player performs another FPG to save time. | 914 almost falls into the pit shown here but clips into the floor, and performs a FPG while in the floor. |
| 4-2 | Player pushes themselves to the left of the screen to manipulate the pipe value, taking themselves to the warpzone instead of the coin cache. Player then takes the pipe to World 8. | 914 clips through the left wall upon entering the underground area, then teleports to the warpzone using an unknown method. 914 then enters the World 8 pipe. |
| 8-1 | Player gets either "good or bad judges", and then changes their play accordingly to save time. | 914 gets bad judges, but hits the starblock on the third possible frame, causing the recording to lose time. It is unknown if this was intentional. |
| 8-2 | Player performs a glitch, saving time. | No noticeable change in gameplay. |
| 8-3 | Player uses hitboxes to not get hit and then either slows down or performs a FPG to not get fireworks. | 914 performs the FPG using a setup never before seen in TAS or normal gameplay. |
| 8-4 | Player walljumps to a pipe and manipulates warp exits. Player then completes the game by defeating the castle boss. | 914 clips into the walljump pipe. During the underwater section, 914 runs into the firebars, but does not die. 914 finishes the game with a 4:54. |
Note: After the key was turned, the game could be heard being played. Roughly four minutes and fifty four seconds after the key was turned, the output booth opened. After everything was collected, the DVD was played, showing no anomalous effects but rather a recorded TAS showing techniques never before seen used for speedrunning the game. Requesting to retry the experiment with other games. - Intern Craft
Note: We were unable to find the inputs needed to pull off this TAS inside the DVD, that's a shame. - Intern Craft
Test 914-1531
Name: Researcher Salis
Date: 24/03/2020
Total Items: One sheathed katana
Note: Due to 914's history of causing massive amounts of destruction with weapon inputs, all testing staff have been provided with body armor and military-grade riot shielding. - R. Salis
Input: Aforementioned katana
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One sheathed katana. When removed from its sheathe, the blade anomalously generated a rapid series of explosive shock-waves. Released energy was focused in the direction the sword was drawn, resulting in a portion of the test chamber wall being destroyed. The testing D-Class's wrist, as well as the blade itself, was shattered by the rapid release of energy. D-Class expired from internal bleeding caused by fractured bones, remains of sword non-anomalous.
Test 914-1532
Name: Dr. Richardson
Date: 25/03/2020
Total Items: One decoder wheel, bearing the Latin alphabet
Input: One decoder wheel
Setting: Fine
Output: One apparently colorless marker. Any text that has been highlighted by the marker will appear to any person observing it as a series of Latin letters arranged in words and sentences. The words do not correspond with any known language.
Test 914-1533
Name: Junior Researcher Metrov
Date: 25/03/2020
Total Items: Two printouts of the "Coronavirus disease 2019" Wikipedia page.
Note: Decontamination protocols are prepared and I'm going to be in full hazmat gear for this test. - JR Metrov
Input: One printout
Setting: Fine
Output: One printout of the "Yellow Plague disease 2057" Wikipedia page. The page details the specifics of a currently unknown, highly infectious virus. The page describes the collapse of most governments due to a high casualty rate, as well as the Foundation breaking the Veil in order to preserve society. No such page currently exists on Wikipedia.
Note: Who wrote this? ''No such page currently exists on Wikipedia''? Completely shocking. - Veritas
Input: One printout
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An origami USB drive. Inserting the drive into a computer anomalously infects the computer with a random virus. All viruses were noted to be pre-existing ones. Item placed in anomalous storage.
Note: Most of the viruses were immediately found by the Foundation's antivirus program. - JR Metrov
Test 914-1534
Name: Dr. Card
Date: 27/03/2020
Total Items: Three multi-colored, hand-carved wooden Tangram puzzles, each measuring thirty centimeters per side when in the "square" configuration
Note: Pleasure to make everyone's acquaintance, I'm Dr. Card. I just recently transferred to help study 914's behavior. Can't wait to get started, I've heard things are, interesting here. - Dr. Card
Input: One Tangram puzzle, "square" configuration.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Small piles of paint fragments, and seven small piles of sawdust arranged in the seven shapes of the original puzzle.
Note: Huh. Alright then, I'll get the broom. - Dr. Card
Input: One Tangram puzzle, "square" configuration.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Tangram puzzle, in a configuration resembling that of a house.
Input: Above output.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Tangram puzzle, in a configuration resembling that of a person walking.
Input: Above output.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Tangram puzzle, in a configuration resembling that of a bird.
Note: Alright, I get the point. I won't waste anymore of anyone's time. But, this does give me an idea… - Dr. Card
Input: One Tangram puzzle, "bird" configuration.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One small wooden sculpture of a bird, seemingly composed of the shapes in the original puzzle. Object is animate, and ceaselessly made high-pitched chirps at Dr. Card at a volume of roughly 100 dB.
Note: I took a look at the audio capture after this test, and it seems the 'calls' it was making were saw-tooth waves at roughly 4.5 kHz. I guess because, triangles? Honestly, you guys weren't kidding when you said this was confusing, or downright aggravating. Has anyone put aspirin through 914 yet? - Dr. Card
Note: It took "pain-killer" a little too literally. Don't try it. - Dr. Cahill
Test 914-1535
Name: Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 27/03/2020
Total Items: One map of Udmurtia, one photo of Victor Mikhailovich Kalashnikov, a copy of Ultimatum #2
Input: Map of Udmurtia
Setting: 1:1
Output: Map of Tula Oblast
Note: Right. Both regions are well-known for firearms manufacturing. - WR Markham
Input: Photo of Victor Kalashnikov
Setting: Fine
Output: A photo of Mikhail Kalashnikov, dated 1989. Several people are visible in the background, including his children.
Input: Ultimatum #2
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A Spanish-language novella, titled En la Sombra del Toro (In the Shadow of the Bull). The story details a world where a large meteor hit the Earth in 2009. Set in Andalucia in the year 2039, the plot revolves around a group of people who are in charge of retrieving artifacts from the ruins of Seville, and rediscovering the traditions of the region.
Note: I'm not certain whether our inputs in 914 slowly improved the quality of its original creations; these novels are becoming more enjoyable and increasingly well-structured. Why would 914 pick Spanish though? I would have guessed Russian or English literature. - WR Markham
Test 914-1536
Name: Intern Coray
Date: 27/03/2020
Total Items: One note reading “Lets Play A Game”, A Smith & Wesson Model 625 Revolver with one bullet in the gun
Input: The aforementioned revolver, one note,
Setting: 1:1
Output: One unchanged note. One revolver, modified to accept bullets with lower caliber than input. Five chambers loaded, each with a bullet one fifth of the original bullet mass.
Note: I’m not gonna be the one to get that, considering 914’s past of making anomalous weaponry - Intern Coray
Test 914-1537
Name: Intern Beauvillier
Date: 27/03/2020
Items: One toothbrush, One teddy bear.
Note: Don't mind me, I'm just testing the effect of anomalous outputs on Very Fine. Might get something useful… Or not. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: The toothbrush
Setting: 1:1
Output: A brushtooth. Similar appearance to a toothbrush, but induces a compulsion in any viewer to clean the brush with their teeth. The effect lasts until line of sight is broken.
Input: The teddy bear
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A teddy bear. Possess a memetic effect causing the viewer to instantly regress to a mental age of 5. The effect lasts proportionally to the age of the viewer.
Note: Testing session was interrupted after Intern Beauvillier had an emotional outburst after the security staff told him he couldn't keep the bear.
Test 914-1538
Name: Dr. Richardson
Date: 28/03/2020
Total Items: Two polypropylene models of the COVID-19 virus.
Input: One polypropylene model of the COVID-19 virus.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One polypropylene model of the SARS-CoV virus.
Input: One polypropylene model of the COVID-19 virus.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: No visible change. Upon touching the result, Dr. Richardson immediately started asphyxiating. A medical staff member was called upon to retrieve and quarantine Dr. Richardson. Later health analysis showed that Dr. Richardson has anomalously developed COVID-19. Result incinerated.
Addendum: Dr. Richardson has made a full recovery after 5 days of treatment.
Note: Take note here, people. Don't do tests like this without proper protective gear, something Dr. Richardson should have thought of beforehand. - Veritas
Test 914-1539
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 31/03/2020
Total Items: Three folders, each containing a log of all SCP-914 tests done in January 2019 (Tests 914-0323 through 914-0382). All have been redacted in accordance to 3/914 clearance rules.
Input: One SCP-914 test folder
Setting: 1:1
Output: A folder, containing a copy of the SCP-1730 exploration logs.
Input: One SCP-914 test folder
Setting: Fine
Output: A booklet, containing a log of all SCP-914 tests done in January 2020 (Tests 914-1334 through 914-1418). The papers are noticeably thinner, and the folder has been repurposed into the booklet's cover.
Input: One SCP-914 test folder
Setting: Coarse
Output: A torn copy of the SCP-682 termination logs, 4/682 clearance. One of the logs, detailing an attempt using a memetic kill agent, did not happen in this universe. Said attempt was equally unsuccessful, and only resulted in a brief incapitation of SCP-682, while killing the researcher involved.
Test 914-1540
Name: Junior Researcher Metrov
Date: 01/04/2020
Total Items: Five post-it notes with sketches of fish drawn on them
Note: In France, a customary April Fool's prank is to stick post-it notes with doodles of fish on them on to as many adults as possible. I'm not French, but Russians don't have any specific tradition so I figured I'd do this. - JR Metrov
Input: One post-it note
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of ashes.
Input: One post-it note
Setting: Coarse
Output: Shredded paper. Results consistent with industrial paper shredders.
Input: One post-it note
Setting: 1:1
Output: A post-it note with a sketch of a bird on it.
Input: One post-it note
Setting: Fine
Output: A visually unchanged post-it note. When unobserved the note would teleport itself on to the back of the nearest human. Result incinerated.
Input: One post-it note
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A live fish of indeterminate species. An origami fish. Viewers of the output are affected by a cognitohazard that causes them to believe that the origami is a live fish. Object placed in Anomalous Storage.
Note: For a second there I thought 914 had broken what few rules we thought it followed. Thank God it didn't, I doubt anything good could come out of that. - JR Metrov
Test 914-1541
Name: R. Carter Williams
Date: 01/04/2020
Total Items: One exaggerated nose prop and rainbow wig, similar to those worn by clowns.
Input: One nose and wig
Setting: Fine
Output: An unchanged nose and wig. A nose and wig that, once put on, cannot be removed by any means. A nose and wig that, once put on, cannot be removed if the date is April 1st.
Test 914-1542
Name: Researcher Salis
Date: 02/04/2020
Total Items: One Sharpie brand permanent marker
Input: Aforementioned Sharpie
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged Sharpie that, when used to make a mark on any surface, anomalously creates an incision on the traced location. This effect only occurs when a lasting mark is left on the surface, and an incision will not be made on materials ink is unable to adhere to.
Note: A sharp Sharpie? Really should have seen that coming. - J.R. Kai
Test 914-1543
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 03/04/2020
Total Items: Three replicas of the sonic screwdriver used by the 11th Doctor from the show Doctor Who
Input: One of the the above replicas
Setting: 1:1
Output: A model of the sonic screwdriver used by the 10th Doctor
Input: One of the the above replicas
Setting: Fine
Output: A model of the sonic screwdriver used by the 11th Doctor. Can extend, light up and buzz when the button is pressed, despite there being a complete absence of any detectable power source. Occasionally shocks the user, even when buttons are not pressed.
Input: One of the the above replicas
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A physically unchanged model of the 11th Doctor’s sonic screwdriver. When the button is pressed, all personnel within a 5m radius immediately experience a sense of disorientation and nausea, with most losing their sense of balance.
Note: This has potential to be used for nonlethal apprehension of targets. All we need now is to determine what material can block the sensations. Permission to transfer this into Anomalous Storage pending further testing? - Researcher Connolly
Note: Approved, but you're cleaning up any potential vomit. - Veritas
Test 914-1544
Name: Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 04/04/2020
Total Items: Three iPhone X smartphones, each containing a copy of PUBG Mobile (version 0.17.0) and Girls Frontline (version 2.0414_333); an iPhone X smartphone containing only music by either of Queen, Ghost, Type O Negative, or System of a Down.
Note: That's what you get for using Taiwan as your home base in the former, and using the China server in the latter. You get locked out on April 4, 2020. - WR Markham
Input: One iPhone X with games
Setting: Fine
Output: The same phone, but rooted. The PUBG Mobile account on the phone has been banned for exploiting bugs, while the Girls Frontline account has been banned for illegal unlocking of character costumes.
Input: One iPhone X with games
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Huawei P20 Pro. The phone contains a compressed file titled "operation galahad by dado.b1". An attempt at unzipping the file has resulted in the phone shutting down. The phone has been sent to secure storage.
Input: One iPhone X with games, one iPhone X with music
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An iPad Air, considerably lighter than a item of this build. The only contents of the iPad Air are a hybrid game merging the characters of Girls Frontline with the game mechanics of PUBG Mobile, and 31 cover albums by either Set the Charge or Ankor, corresponding with all 31 albums by Queen, Ghost, Type O Negative, or System of a Down, but sung in the style of a fictional band. The game is nonfunctional due to being region-locked on April 4, 2020.
Note: April 4, 2020 is cursed. On the other hand, the music is… weird. "News of the World" from Queen, sung in the style of Autobahn, is mesmerizing; while an ATK-themed "Opus Eponymous" from Ghost, given a "Post-Doomsday Pop" genre, is definitely crazy. - WR Markham
Test 914-1545
Name: Dr. Chiyoda
Date: 05/04/2020
Total Items: Three Blu-ray discs, in original packaging, of the music video for "HAPPY PARTY TRAIN", a song from idol group Aqours
Input: One Blu-ray disc
Setting: 1:1
Output: One DVD of the music video for "Wonderful Rush", a song from idol group µ's.
Input: One Blu-ray disc
Setting: Fine
Output: One toy train, visually similar to the steam locomotive shown in the music video. The toy train has a plastic, rainbow-like trail at the back.
Input: One Blu-ray disc
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One directional pad. Dr. Chiyoda pressed the forward button for 5 continuous seconds, during which, no anomalous effects were apparent.
Note: Directly after this experiment, the decommissioned steam locomotive at █████-████ Rail Yard, Japan moved forward by one meter. Connections between the test and the incident are still under investigation. - Dr. Chiyoda
Test 914-1546
Name: Intern Sora
Date: 07/04/2020
Total items: One whoopee cushion, one shocking gum toy
Note: I thought I'd do this test for the sake of April Fools. I might come up with some great pranking tools. - Sora
Note: This test was filed late because Sora just came out of the infirmary. - Veritas
Input: One whoopee cushion, approximately 23 centimetres in diameter
Setting: Fine
Output: One seemingly identical whoopee cushion. When inflated and sat on, it produced a noise exceeding a volume high enough to shatter several windows in the nearby office. Intern Sora suffered from a ruptured eardrum and severe internal bleeding, and has been sent to the infirmary.
Note: Yeah, I'm going to be the one paying for the windows, aren't I? - Sora
Note: Very correct. - Veritas
Input: One shocking gum toy
Setting: Fine
Output: One shocking pen. When an attempt is made to use the pen, the user will experience a high voltage shock. Results from testing with D-class personnel ranged from mild stings to cardiac arrest. The power source behind the shock current is unknown.
Note: Both outputs incinerated. - Sora
Test 914-1547
Name: Intern Lunar
Date: 07/04/2020
Total items: One standard issue Foundation mug with the SCP logo on it, one sticky note with the phrase "I'm back" written on it.
Note: Apparently, these came from "Scenic Ceramics Productions", which appears to be a Foundation-run company somewhere in Wyoming. I wonder if these businesses are where we get all these interns? - Intern Lunar
Note: Above your clearance level, Lunar. - Veritas
Input: Above sticky note
Setting: 1:1
Output: A sticky note that reads "hi back i'm dad"[sic] on it.
Input: Above mug
Setting: 1:1
Output: One mug with a logo of a pine tree growing out of a mug and the words "Scenic Ceramics Productions" printed below the logo. The bottom of the mug states that it was manufactured in "Subsite 23 [REDACTED], Florida" by the company "Cogs, Gears, and Interns" or "CGI". Other than these changes, the mug appears to be unchanged.
Note: Huh, it would be interesting to have an on-Site shop run by the interns (and other residents), and give people that may not be able to test with 914 something to do. Requesting permission to keep the mug and possibly start drafting a business model? - Intern Lunar
Note: Okay, first off, we're funded through other means than selling mugs, mainly because the Foundation needs a bit more than a mug stall to keep going. Second: Selling mugs from where? You'd do another job from one of the front companies since you can't sell from here, obviously. You can't even disclose to your family where you work, how do you expect to sell this to anyone but your own colleagues? Third: I give it about a week until someone accidentally sells an anomalous item. To put this concisely: No. - Veritas
Test 914-1548
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 08/04/2020
Total Items: One liquid eyeliner pen, one powder blush container, one tube of lipstick, one foundation makeup palette
Input: One liquid eyeliner pen
Setting: 1:1
Output: One liquid eyeliner pen as manufactured by a different brand
Input: One powder blush container
Setting: Fine
Output: One small tube with a stick of powder blush stored inside. The tube functions similarly to a standard tube of lipstick in that it has a rotatable bottom that can be used to slide the blush stick upwards as it is used. Has no anomalous properties.
Note: It seemed intuitive at first glance, and I was wondering if this was a rare instance of direct improvement from a 914 refinement. As it turns out, the blush is too crumbly to be shaped in such a way and falls apart easily. Additionally, this method of application makes it appear too dense and is difficult to blend with. - JR Boneka
Input: One tube of lipstick
Setting: Fine
Output: One tube of lipstick that, when applied, anomalously causes the wearer’s lips to become sealed together. The effect wears off after two to four hours.
Note: Oh. Lip-stick, as in, sticky lips. Very funny, 914. - JR Boneka
Input: One foundation palette
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One “Foundation” foundation makeup palette. Applying foundation from the palette has the anomalous effect of making others who see the wearer believe that the wearer is a certain SCP depending on which shade is applied. The effect wears off once the foundation is removed.
Note: Upon confirming the effects of applying foundation from the palette, the object was immediately incinerated due to the possibility of exposure to SCP-096. I don’t think I need to explain why this is an issue. - JR Boneka
Test 914-1549
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer, D-93103
Date: 09/04/2020
Total Items: Three Austrian Coat of Arms made of stainless steel
Input: An Austrian Coat of Arms
Setting: 1:1
Output: An Australian Coat of Arms
Input: An Austrian Coat of Arms
Setting: Fine
Output: A stainless steel map of an "Austrian People's Republic". The nation is roughly bounded by the Danube, Rába, Drava, and Lech Rivers. While no such nation exists in this world, it is confirmed that it is the Austria analogue in the universe of Test 914-1503.
Input: An Austrian Coat of Arms
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An unchanged Coat of Arms of Austria An Austrian Coat of Arms which causes anyone that holds the item for more than 75 seconds to be teleported to an empty alley within any of Austria's three largest cities (Vienna, Graz, Linz).
Note: It took us quite a while to realise where the D-class went, and we had to amnesticise a dozen potential witnesses in Austria. I'll need to cover the costs. - JR Reimer
Test 914-1550
Name: R. Carter Williams
Date: 09/04/2020
Total Items: Three USB drives, each containing a stock photo of a wedge of cheese
Input: One USB stick
Setting: Fine
Output: An inanimate plastic model of a rat.
Input: One USB stick
Setting: Fine
Output: A model of a wedge of cheese. It is sharp enough to cut skin.
Note: Sharp cheddar. Hah. - R. Williams
Input: One USB stick
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A cheese sandwich. The USB stick, with a mild cognitohazard engraved on it that causes the USB to be perceived as a cheese sandwich.
Note: Testing D-class was sent to the infirmary for a tooth injury. - R. Williams
Test 914-1551
Name: Intern Sora, Intern Beauvillier, Dr. Creesperings
Date: 10/04/2020
Total Items: One small birthday cake, a collection of testing logs done by, or involving, J.R. Boneka stored on a USB hard drive, one picture of J.R. Boneka
Note: Thanks for all the birthday wishes, everybody. Party in the break room after this test. Falstaff baked lots of sweets in advance, so we’ll keep this pretty brief because I’m excited to get started. - JR Boneka
Input: One birthday card
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small cake, made out of paper. The cake is noticeably hollow due to lack of materials.
Input: One cake
Setting: 1:1
Output: Output booth was empty. Temporal displacement was detected in output booth. Upon opening of the Output booth, a miniature non-animate golden retriever materialised on J.R. Boneka's desk. Preliminary analysis reveals that the golden retriever is, in fact, made from the inputted sponge cake and whipped cream, as well as chocolate powder.
Input: One USB stick
Setting: Fine
Output: A USB stick, the colour of which alternates between pastel blue and pastel pink through anomalous means. It contains a .txt file of a series of light novels, in which the protagonist is J.R. Boneka as a girl attending high school. Several other Facility-23 personnel are depicted in the series as well, with a notable example being Dr. Veritas as the school's vice-principal.
Input: One picture of J.R. Boneka
Setting: Fine
Output: One animate origami bat. When the Output booth was opened, the bat flew out at a speed of 15 km/h and flew in circles around J.R. Boneka incessantly. Terminated by pressurised party streamer.
Note: Happy birthday, Boneka. - Sora
Test 914-1552
Name: Junior Researcher Belopaku
Date: 13/04/2020
Total Items: Three paper bags
Input: One paper bag
Setting: 1:1
Output: Five hundred small paper bags, constructed from the original bag's paper.
Input: One paper bag
Setting: Fine
Output: A small booklet titled "The Leather Purse Cookbook". The booklet describes multiple food recipes that involve a leather purse as an ingredient.
Input: One paper bag
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One animate paper figurine that appears to be a knife with arms and legs, with the words "Paper Cutter" written across its side. It is incapable of speech, but appears to be capable of visual perception. The figurine attempted to attack security guards, but was contained and put into anomalous storage.
Test 914-1553
Name: Junior Researcher Belopaku
Date: 13/04/2020
Total Items: Three chocolate coins with gold-colored aluminium shells.
Input: One chocolate coin
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small aluminum coin with its appearance matching the original chocolate coin, covered in a thick chocolate shell.
Input: One chocolate coin
Setting: Fine
Output: A chocolate coin slightly larger in diameter. A large chunk of it appears to have been bitten off by human teeth along with the shell, but the total amount of chocolate and aluminium has not decreased from the input. The print on the coin has changed to resemble a Roman imperial coin.
Input: One chocolate coin
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An identical-looking chocolate coin that, when fully consumed by a subject, causes a small ring of fire to manifest on the ground, surrounding said subject. The ring will start speaking, and will attempt to persuade the subject to "eat more coins", before demanifesting 10 minutes later. The process of this persuasion is predicted to be non-anomalous.
Test 914-1554
Name: Junior Researcher McLaif
Date: 13/04/2020
Total Items: 500 plastic Easter eggs in various colors and sizes
Note: I bought these a few weeks ago in the hope of having an Easter Egg Hunt last Sunday; Veritas shot it down the day after I bought them. Oh well, more testing material. —JR McLaif
Input: 100 plastic eggs
Setting: Rough
Output: A melted pile of foul-smelling plastic.
Input: 100 plastic eggs
Setting: Coarse
Output: A large pile of clear plastic and several puddles of dyes.
Input: 100 plastic eggs
Setting: 1:1
Output: A pile of plastic confetti, often seen in Easter baskets.
Input: 100 plastic eggs
Setting: Fine
Output: A plastic bucket with an Easter egg pattern measuring 0.5m diameter and 1m height. Anomalously stores 4 m3 rather than the expected ~1.5m3. Placed in anomalous storage.
Input: 100 plastic eggs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An anomalously animate plastic European rabbit (Oryctolagus cuniculus). Its hindquarters has an Easter egg pattern. █ minutes after opening the output booth, the rabbit appeared to go into labor. After ██ minutes, the rabbit birthed a plastic Easter egg 20cm in length. Opening the egg revealed an additional three juvenile instances of the rabbit, also made out of plastic. The rabbits behaved like non-anomalous rabbits afterwards.
Note: No we can't keep them. We don't know if they'll, I don't know, dump plastic into our throats while we sleep. They've been incinerated. They were adorable though. —JR McLaif
Test 914-1555
Name: Researcher Laskenta; D-53125
Date: 14/04/2020
Total Items: Several damaged memory devices
Note: Like any other time, all used items belong to Foundation personnel, who asked me to retrieve their data. Since all data-recovery failed and the data is not important enough to use other anomalous machinery, I will use 914 as my very last attempt to get the files back. - Laskenta
Input: A Foundation flash drive (USB 3.1 Stick; 128GB), damaged by dust
Setting: Fine
Output: The input, cleaned, and a tiny pile of dust. The drive is defective and shows signs of water damage, despite the absence of any fluid.
Input: A Foundation flash drive (microSD card; SDUC; 4TB), data lost through a teleportation malfunction
Setting: Fine
Output: A male TRS connector (2.5mm) with a small plastic base. Connecting the test result to a matching female socket has met with failure, due to self-creating spacial anomalies which prevent the output to match the dimensions of the socket. However, it was possible to connect the output into a microSD card slot, due to the same reason. All tested operating systems have identified the result as audio in- and output device with the name "Dead End". No further information has been found. Using it as a speaker or as a microphone does not produce any measurable result.
Input: Two Foundation hard drives (HDD; 32GB), part of a RAID 5 array of five drives, three of which are lost
Setting: Fine
Output: The input, formatted to be a complete RAID 0 array. The output stores a single text-based file. Said file contains the physical address and the file path to an animation stored on a private drive of Prof. Sun from Site-███, who never came into contact with SCP-914, the input, nor anybody who otherwise stood in connection with the input. Neither the test result nor the animation holds any anomalous feature. A copy of the animation has been appended for protocolling purposes (Refer to document 914-1555/A).
Note: There are GoIballs? - J.R. Koop
Note: Looking at a Fifthist Church logo in the style of Polandball, rolling across the screen, is oddly satisfying. - JR Reimer
Test 914-1556
Name: Junior Researcher Falstaff
Date: 14/04/2020
Total items: Five cans of Red Bull brand energy drink
Input: One can of Red Bull brand energy drink
Setting: Rough
Output: Shredded scraps of aluminium in a puddle of energy drink.
Input: One can of Red Bull brand energy drink
Setting: Coarse
Output: One aluminium cube weighing 15 grams, measuring 3.5 x 3.5 x 3.5 cm. Several piles of white powder, the largest of which being sugar. 200 mL of water.
Input: One can of Red Bull brand energy drink
Setting: 1:1
Output: One can of Monster brand energy drink.
Note: Notably, due to the smaller can size that Red Bull uses compared to Monster, the output of the test is much flimsier than a regular can of Monster.
Input: One can of Red Bull brand energy drink
Setting: Fine
Output: One “914-brand” energy drink. Upon opening the output booth, D-7372 ignored the directions of researchers present and ingested all liquid within the can. D-7372, after being placed under observation, remained awake while displaying symptoms of hyperactivity for approximately 15 hours and 14 minutes before collapsing into a coma. D-Class currently warded in medical bay, pending disciplinary action Terminated.
Input: One can of Red Bull brand energy drink
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One unlabeled aluminium can. D-1326 was placed into a reinforced testing room and told to drink from the can. Five seconds after ingesting the contents of the can, D-1326's body temperature was observed to rapidly exceed 1300 Kelvin, before all vital signs from D-1326 ceased. Body was anomalously resistant to combustion during the process and was given time to cool before removal and incineration.
Test 914-1557
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 16/04/2020
Total Items: Three clay pots, each weighing 7kg
Input: One clay pot.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A clay sculpture of a pigeon.
Note: Upon retrieving the output, D-class yelled "PULL!" and threw it into the air. Security personnel reflexiely shot it out the air, destroying it. Not sure if it was an anomalous property or just the D-class making a bad skeet shooting joke, but I gotta give the guard kudos for the excellent marksmanship. I'm guessing Dr. Veritas won't share my opinion, though. -Prof. Wren
Note: It was a good shot. Unfortunately, said guard was forced to plant the rifle butt in the stomach of the D-Class that attempted to use the diversion to wrangle the weapon from him. - Veritas
Input: One clay pot.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A clay urn with Grecian-style artwork etched into the side.
Note: Just to nip the question somebody's going to ask in the bud: About 30 shillings a week. -Prof. Wren
Input: One clay pot.
Setting: Fine
Output: Seven clay masks, each a different color and resembling a different animal. An anomalous property of each mask causes a different reaction when each is worn, as noted below:
| Color | Animal | Effect on wearer |
|---|---|---|
| Red | Dragon | Uncontrollable anger and violent outbursts |
| Orange | Boar | Insatiable appetite |
| Yellow | Fox | Severe kleptomania |
| Green | Lion | Excessive arrogance and recklessness. |
| Cyan | Bear | Severe laziness and lethargy |
| Blue | Snake | Uncontrollable jealousy towards others |
| Purple | Goat | N/A; test aborted by order of Prof. Wren |
Note: I caught on around the test of the lion mask that these were referencing the anime, The Seven Deadly Sins. I think we can do without testing the Goat Sin of Lust, thank you. -Prof. Wren
Test 914-1558
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka, Researcher MacLean
Date: 16/04/2020
Total Items: One can of SILLY STRING aerosol spray streamers
Input: One can of SILLY STRING
Setting: 1:1
Output: One can of Serious String. The package design utilizes sleeker colors and font choice. The can sprays black aerosol streamer that, after a few seconds of having made contact with a solid surface, will anomalously rearrange itself into perfectly straight lines.
Input: The outputted can of Serious String
Setting: Fine
Output: One can of Super Serious String. Instead of rearranging itself into perfectly straight lines, the streamer will rearrange itself into a cognitohazard that causes the viewer’s demeanor to become exceedingly professional and formal. This effect lasts for about 3 hours, with the duration being reset when viewed again. When a D-Class was sprayed with the output, he reacted negatively, and was later found to have formed mild chemical burns where the string made contact.
Test 914-1559
Name: Intern Beauvillier
Date: 16/04/2020
Total Items: A dozen chocolate eggs wrapped in colored tinfoil in a cardboard box, a non-functioning fridge.
Note: Can't believe I forgot Easter. Enjoy this, 914. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: The cardboard box with the chocolate eggs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An anomalously animated sentient hen, made out of chocolate. The beak, claws and skeleton are made out of cardboard. The feathers are made of tinfoil. The chicken laid one chocolate egg, containing pure cocoa. Testing has shown that the chicken lost mass after laying it. After hatching, one chick made out of 98% dark chocolate came out. It was non-anomalous and non-animated. The chocolate was reported as 'particularly good' by D-18896 after tasting.
Note: I should have seen it coming. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: The fridge
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A functioning fridge. Causes the possessor of the fridge to constantly worry about the state of the food in the fridge.
Note: So that's what they call fridge horror. - Intern Beauvillier
Test 914-1560
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 21/04/2020
Total Items: Five 8kg cubes of steel measuring 2x2x2, five handwritten notes.
Note: The notes will have aspects of humanity written on them, as a means of testing 914’s creative impulses and questionable levels of sentience. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One cube, one note reading “Creativity”
Setting: Fine
Output: A pile of ash, consistent with the note. Five sheets of metal, with a unique fractal design being precisely etched into each sheet.
Input: One cube, one note reading “Consciousness”
Setting: Fine
Output: A physically unchanged cube. Upon being held, the holder reports experiencing decreased passage of time until the cube is released.
Note: Permission to keep this for when I need a productivity boost? - Researcher Connolly
Note: I had it screened. Turns out that it exponentially increases the chance of a brain hemorrhage the longer it's held. You were very lucky, the D-Class wasn't. Placed in anomalous storage. - Veritas
Input: One cube, one note reading “Mercy”
Setting: Fine
Output: A small sculpture of a headsman’s axe, resting on a steel base. Engraved on the front are the words “Mercy is earned, not given.” Engraved on the underside is the SCP Foundation seal.
Input: One cube, one note reading “Survival”
Setting: Fine
Output: One cube, measuring the same dimensions. Engraved into each face is a different hazardous symbol.
Note: Radiation, biohazardous, flammable, explosive, corrosive, and toxic. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One cube, one note reading “Resilience”
Setting: Fine
Output: An incredibly detailed sculpture of SCP-914. Through anomalous means, the sculpture is impervious to damage.
Test 914-1561
Name: Dr. Card
Date: 21/04/2020
Total Items: Four reproductions of the November 3, 1948 volume of the Chicago Daily Tribune, featuring the notoriously erroneous headline "Dewey Defeats Truman."
Note: I figured a cursory glance at how 914 decides to interpret human error wouldn't be frowned upon. - Dr. Card
Input: One newspaper
Setting: Rough
Output: Piles of shredded paper and a small puddle of black ink.
Note: No, none of these are original print. Though I do own one of them, for anyone interested. My grandfather gifted it to me. - Dr. Card
Input: One newspaper
Setting: 1:1
Output: An altered copy of the newspaper with a new headline reading "Truman Defeats Dewey." The rest of the article discussing the election has also been changed accordingly, discussing Truman's close victory and 303 electoral majority in more accurate detail.
Input: One newspaper
Setting: 1:1
Output: An altered copy of the newspaper with a new headline reading "Dr. Card Now Elected To O5 Council." The remainder of the newspaper has been redacted.
Input: One newspaper
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Identical result to the second test. A copy of the newspaper with the memetic effect of causing viewers to believe that Thomas Dewey won the 1948 US Presidential Election. Victims of the effect seem to "recall" a few key moments in the days leading up to the election, and various events involving his "presidency".
Note: Cross-testing with a few D-Class led me to some interesting results. I believe the effect is more powerful on those that align themselves politically with the Republican Party of the United States. The effects seem to wear off after sufficient evidence of Truman's presidency is shown to a victim, such as a history textbook. - Dr. Card
Test 914-1562
Name: Junior Researcher Belopaku
Date: 23/04/2020
Total Items: Three multimeters, three bicycle wheels
Input: One multimeter, one bicycle wheel
Setting: 1:1
Output: All plastic parts in the multimeter has been replaced by rubber, and the tire of the bicycle wheel has been replaced with plastic. The sizes of the two devices have been altered slightly to match the amount of replaced materials. Notably, the multimeter no longer functions, as its screen was replaced by an opaque sheet of rubber.
Input: One multimeter, one bicycle wheel
Setting: Fine
Output: A long rectangular device with a large clamp on one end and a small non-functional spoked wheel on the other end. The words "Bicycle Multimeter" is printed on the side. When the clamp is connected to the frame of any bicycle, the device will show its corresponding 'properties', such as voltage, current, and resistance. These values are unique to each bicycle; however they do not appear to correspond to any electrical property of the bicycle whatsoever. The meaning of these values are being investigated.
Input: One multimeter, one bicycle wheel
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small, inanimate mechanical device resembling a spider with its legs terminating in small wheels. A single knob is present on its backside. When turned in the clockwise direction, no effect is produced. However, when turned in the counterclockwise direction, all subjects in physical contact with the device will be affected by an anomalous auditory hallucination of the following words repeating in their own voice:
If you can hear this, our invasion has been a success. Every bicycle in the world has now been replaced with its equivalent electric spider. You will now ride on electric spiders instead of bikes. The era of the two wheel vehicle is now dead. Eight-footed vehicles will now be the norm. Your species will now encounter a period of unprecedented economic growth and prosperity. Long live King Multimeter!
Note: Inspection shows that no actual bicycles were replaced with electric arachnids of any kind.
Test 914-1563
Name: Intern R. Skye
Date: 24/04/2020
Total Items: One photocopy of the SCP-914 Security Manual
Note: I've read the entirely of the logs, then saw the manuals for safety measure. Photocopied one for this test. - Intern R. Skye
Input: One photocopy of the security manual
Setting: 1:1
Output: One photocopy of the SCP-914's experiment logs with the same mass as the item. Reports reproduced were found to be fictitious. Experiment log shows all rules have been disregarded by Foundation personnel. Final reports depict an XK Class End-of-the-World Scenario as a result of irresponsible biological testing.
Note: After checking it all over, I decided to donate this to the break room. I'm giving a copy to the breakroom with a nice page disclaimer so people who will attempt any of the logs recorded will be faced the wrath of Dr. Veritas, or killed by the result. - Intern R. Skye
Test 914-1564
Name: Junior Researcher Belopaku
Date: 24/04/2020
Total Items: Thirty candy canes
Input: Ten candy canes
Setting: 1:1
Output: Five pieces of candy, each with the appearance of two candy canes fused together to make a ring.
Input: Ten candy canes
Setting: Fine
Output: A small walking cane made of candy. It is too fragile to be used as an actual walking cane.
Input: Ten candy canes
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate figurine of SCP-073. The figurine is incapable of speech, but appears to be capable of perceiving and interacting with its surroundings.
Note: How is SCP-073 related to a candy cane? - Belopaku
Note: “Candy Cain”. - Jane Cho
Test 914-1565
Name: Intern R. Skye
Date: 26/04/2020
Total Items: One laptop with Unreal Engine 4 installed.
Note: Let's use 914's snarky creativeness in making a video game. - Intern R. Skye
Input: Above item
Setting: Fine
Output: A visually unchanged laptop. A game development kit called "914-brand Engine" is installed. Interface similar to Unreal Engine.
Note: I'm not gonna take chances with this thing. Sending it to IT division for testing, since this isn't really my part of my education before I arrived here. - Intern R. Skye
Note: A full scan showed that you wouldn't be able to create any programme in this engine anyway. Compiling any code results in one of five random games, all of which are running non-anomalous computer viruses in the background. The viruses all have been unique to this date, which is why I do not recommend further testing. - Researcher Laskenta
Test 914-1566
Name: Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 26/04/2020
Total Items: Two Daewoo Telecom K7 submachine guns
Input: A Daewoo K7 submachine gun
Setting: 1:1
Output: A KRISS Vector civilian carbine
Note: I would have expected a Vector submachine gun, but the carbine works too. - WR Markham
Input: Above output
Setting: Fine
Output: Eight M69 training grenades
Input: A Daewoo K7 submachine gun
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A Daewoo Precision Industries K2 assault rifle. The assault rifle has a anomalous property where any person who holds onto it for more than fifteen seconds would have their hands permanently cut off and the cut surfaces replaced by smooth skin. Output remotely incinerated. Markham was sent to the infirmary, although her remaining limb was not bleeding.
Note: That stung. I will take a break from testing with 914. Losing a hand is definitely unpleasant, and I wouldn't want to lose more to it. - WR Markham
Test 914-1567
Name: Junior Researcher Y. Belopaku
Date: 26/04/2020
Total Items: Three used hazmat suits from the Anomalous Materials Wing of Site-19
Note: All potentially hazardous materials have been removed from the suits prior to testing. - Belopaku
Input: One hazmat suit
Setting: 1:1
Output: 300 hazmat suits, shrunk to 1/300 of their original size. Their appearance suggests that they were designed for use by rodents.
Input: One hazmat suit
Setting: Fine
Output: A suit, superficially resembling the skin of an unidentified human. There is a zipper on its back that functions as an entry point. Due to its small size and complex structure, it is unable to be worn. The word “skinsuit” is printed along the zipper.
Note: The suit was damaged during an attempt to put it on a D-Class test subject. The damaged suit has been put into storage. - Belopaku
Input: One hazmat suit
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large opaque plastic bottle, labeled “HAZMAT DUST” in large bold lettering. The bottle contains dry, coarse, and dark colored dust. When the dust is taken out of its container and applied to a solid surface, the surface immediately surrounding the applied area will absorb the dust and morph into a plastic polymer-like material, similar to the material used in the original hazmat suit.
Test 914-1568
Name: Guest Researcher R. Jameson
Date: 26/04/2020
Total Items: [REDACTED]
Input: [REDACTED]
Setting: Cancelled
Output: Cancelled
Note: Intern R. Skye intercepted Guest Researcher R. Jameson and was able to prohibit the experiment from taking place. Investigation report shows that Guest Researcher Jameson was part of the Group of Interest Are We Cool Yet? and was attempting to use 914 for the creation of anomalous art.
Note: Met this person before I arrived. Tried to show me about the anomalies he created which is part of the reason why I'm here. His work has, however, fixed my right eye to a point that I get sensory overload every time I stare at bright lights. - Intern R. Skye
Note: Guest Researcher Jameson was terminated. - Veritas
Test 914-1569
Name: Junior Researcher Y. Belopaku
Date: 26/04/2020
Total Items: Three small kitchen knives
Input: One kitchen knife
Setting: 1:1
Output: A double bladed kitchen knife, with shorter blades protruding from both ends of the handle.
Input: One kitchen knife
Setting: Fine
Output: An object which appears to be a bladed weapon of unknown purpose. The object consists of a thin curved scythe-like blade, and two handles affixed to its base, merging at a 50 degrees angle.
Note: The weapon is too light to be held with both hands, and the angle of the grips render it impractical for any purpose. Perhaps it is purely a decorative piece? - Belopaku
Input: One kitchen knife
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A knife similar in appearance to the input, but with the words “boring nife yes very borig”(sic) engraved onto the side of the handle. When the tip of the knife is thrust into a solid surface at a force greater than approximately 50 Newtons, matter in contact with the knife will anomalously begin to disintegrate with gradual blunting of the knife's tip and edges.
Note: Despite the label, I find this object rather interesting. - Belopaku
Note: When will you start getting puns? - Jane Cho
Test 914-1570
Name: Junior Researcher Y. Belopaku
Date: 26/04/2020
Total Items: Three plastic erasers, with paper shells
Input: One eraser
Setting: 1:1
Output: An eraser of an alternate shape.
Input: One eraser
Setting: Fine
Output: An eraser with a similar appearance, labeled “Memory Eraser”. When rubbed directly against a digital storage medium, it overwrites all data with noise, and in some cases, renders the medium unusable.
Input: One eraser
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A toroidal figure, composed of synthetic rubber with a thin paper coating. When a human subject looks through the hole in any direction, the other side will appear to take on an appearance akin to a black-and-white “pencil sketch”.
Test 914-1571
Name: Intern R. Skye
Date: 27/04/2020
Total Items: One post-it note with the writing "Have a very safe day, 914"
Input: Above item
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Six small post-it notes with one word written in each note. When assembled to the previous message, a memetic effect is observed, inducing affected personnel to greet everyone encountered with "have a very safe day". Effect can be countered by the application of amnestics. Outputs incinerated.
Note: At least I sound so chipper. Have a very safe day, everyone. - Intern R. Skye
Note: Intern R. Skye was seen headed to the infirmary five hours after the observance of the memetic effect.
Test 914-1572
Name: Intern Sora
Date: 28/04/2020
Total Items: One plastic model of British battleship, HMS Hood
Input: Ship model
Setting: Fine
Output: The same model, now has a memetic hazard that causes the viewers of said model to perceive a "gold plated sausage". Output bursts into flames 30 minutes after being brought out of the output booth and continued burning for precisely 194.1 seconds before extinguishing itself. Remains incinerated.
Test 914-1573
Name: Junior Researcher McLaif
Date: 29/04/2020
Total Items: Five MP3 players, five speakers, five audio cables. Each MP3 player contains a recording of J.R. McLaif saying "Hello 914! Say something to us!" being played on loop.
Note: It has been demonstrated in test 914-0998 that 914 can refine the air in the input booth. What about imparting energy to the air? Proper protective gear has been distributed to everyone nearby, just in case 914 decides to blast us with shockwaves. - J.R. McLaif
Input: One set of equipment, speaker outputting at 20 dB.
Setting: Fine
Output: Equipment is unchanged. The audio file was replaced with the sound of a light wind.
Note: That sounds like a fan I have at home. - J.R. McLaif
Input: One set of equipment, speaker outputting at 40 dB.
Setting: Fine
Output: A speaker with an integrated screen. The audio file has been replaced with a file called "nin for teen smoth jaz.mp3". Playing the file anomalously causes drowsiness proportional to time spent listening.
Note: The D-class we used this on has been sleeping for the past day. They were only exposed to it for a minute. - J.R. McLaif
Input: One set of equipment, speaker outputting at 60 dB.
Setting: Fine
Output: Physical equipment unchanged. The playing audio file has been changed to that of a conversation over an hour long in an unknown language. Analysis of the conversation is still ongoing.
Input: One set of equipment, speaker outputting at 80 dB.
Setting: Fine
Output: A slightly larger speaker outputting the original file at 120 dB. The MP3 player is integrated into the body of the speaker. Attempts to turn off the speaker have been unsuccessful. After incineration, the remains continued to anomalously output audio at 30 dB. Contained in Anomalous Storage.
Input: One set of equipment, speaker outputting at 100 dB.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A floating, vibrating cube. Vibrations determined to be identical to the input audio file. When retrieved by a D-class, the cube emitted a shockwave equivalent to 150 dB.
Note: We all had proper protection, but even that registered as uncomfortably loud. The D-class had to go to the medical ward to stitch his fingers back on. Thankfully, we found out that it is diamagnetic and magnetically pushed it into the incinerator. - J.R. McLaif
Test 914-1574
Name: Dr. Noelle Cahill
Date: 29/04/2020
Total Items: Four mugs of varying shapes, colours and sizes
Note: It's Dr. Zavalosa's birthday today and I will attempt to make him a birthday present with 914's assistance. These mugs were very kindly donated by Intern Lunar. - Dr. Cahill
Note: If anyone needs mugs or stuff like that, you can stop by as someone left me a ton of them on April Fool's Day. - Intern Lunar
Input: One mug
Setting: Rough
Output: One pile of shattered ceramic, reassembled into the inputted mug after forty-seven minutes by Dr. Cahill with the generous application of a cyanoacrylate-based instant bonding agent.
Input: Reassembled mug from previous test
Setting: Coarse
Output: One neat pile of ceramic shards, one hardened blob of instant bonding agent in the shape of a mug.
Input: One mug
Setting: Fine
Output: One bowl that vibrates when water is poured into it, producing a noise that is similar to a traditional Tibetan singing bowl.
Note: D-37309 was sent to the infirmary after attempting to do the same with a pot of freshly-made coffee. Who knew that it only would have worked with plain water? This would be good for Dr. Zavalosa's therapy though. - Dr. Cahill
Input: One mug
Setting: Fine
Output: Two halves of a sphere that when put together, anomalously grinds everything placed inside into fine dust. Output incinerated.
Note: Dr. Cahill discovered the effect after placing several coffee beans inside and shaking the combined sphere. The resulting coffee ground could not be used, however, as it was contaminated with ceramic powder.
Input: One mug
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged mug, with a cognitohazard carved into the bottom that causes all affected personnel to perceive an overwhelming aroma of cats emanating from the mug. Output was damaged and subsequently incinerated after Jeff the mug cat attempted to attack Dr. Cahill, who was investigating the cognitohazard.
Note: Sorry about Jeff, I'd declaw him but… he's ceramic, so that would probably not work. I'll try to get him to not do that again, but, he's a cat (more or less). - Intern Lunar
Note: I'm still not happy with calling the anomalous object ''Jeff the mug cat'', but since it's efficient, I'd say we have no other choice. Lunar, keep that thing in check. - Veritas
Test 914-1575
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 29/04/2020
Total Items: Three CD copies of random albums by David Bowie, 300 sheets of A6 sized paper, a plastic cup containing 200 mL of ink
Input: A CD copy of The Man Who Sold the World
Setting: 1:1
Output: A CD copy of 'hours…' (standard edition), with its tracklist inverted
Input: A CD copy of Earthling (2004 digibook edition)
Setting: Fine
Output: A CD album, titled 地球人, attributed to Wyman Wong. All English tracks are now sung in Cantonese, while the sole Mandarin track (剎那天地, the Chinese version of "Seven Years In Tibet") is sung in Bavarian.
Note: It feels like I'm missing a reference here. Why Wyman Wong in particular? - JR Reimer
Input: A CD copy of Blackstar
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A black ball (diameter 69 mm), made of compressed plastic. The ball is anomalously maintained at a temperature range between 1947K and 2016K, but does not damage any inorganic material it comes into contact with. Placed into secure storage.
Note: Playing "Blackstar" literally, and full of Bowie references. Great, just great. On to the next part. - JR Reimer
Input: Sheets of paper, cup of ink
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An alternate history fiction, titled Blessed be the Worthy. The book shows a world where World War One ended with a far harsher Treaty of Versailles, leading to the Germans falling under a KPD government in 1923 and engaging in aggressive warfare against France, Czechoslovakia, and Poland in the following years, culminating in a standstill with the latter two. It is heavily implied that the French are losing international sympathy due to multiple war crimes, while the governments of Czechoslovakia and Poland are negotiating on a peace treaty with the Germans. The book is narrated from the viewpoint of Miklos Horthy, Regent of Hungary. A passing mention of SCP-914 was made in the form of the Makhnovshchyna, Don-Kuban Cossacks, and Kalmyk insurgents uncovering a cogwork machine near Tsaritsyn, following armed conflict against the Red Army.
Note: Versailles at its "best". Also, it took 914 nearly fifteen minutes to refine this, likely due to a lack of prompt at writing. Normally this process takes seven minutes or so. - JR Reimer
Test 914-1576
Name: Junior Researcher Takahashi
Date: 30/04/2020
Total Items: One copy of Pokémon Sword Version, one miniature replica of Brian May of Queen's Red Special Guitar.
Note: After taking some time off to help my wife with our newborn daughter, I'm finally ready to come back. - JR Takahashi
Input: Pokémon Sword
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of Pokémon Shield Version
Note: I think 914 is trying to tell me it disagrees with my choice. - JR Takahashi
Note: Either that, or it gave you something of equal value. - JR Kai
Input: Miniature replica of Red Special
Setting: Fine
Output: A guitar amp made of oak and mahogany wood, painted with numerous layers of Rustins Plastic Coating. Any guitar plugged into the amp, be it acoustic or electric, will sound like Brian May's signature guitar.
Note: Can I keep this? It'd really help with my Queen cover band. - JR Takahashi
Note: Sure, that won't attract attention in the slightest, Takahashi. Stored in anomalous storage. - Veritas
Test 914-1577
Name: Intern Sora
Date: 04/05/2020
Total Input: Glass vials containing the juices of plant species C.annuum, C. chinense, C. baccatum, C. frutescens, and C. pubescens.
Note: I have requested several mice to test the outputs. - Intern Sora
Input: Juice of C. annuum.
Setting: Fine
Output: Glass vial containing small amounts a red mixture. Testing on mice shows increased heart rate and bodily temperature, as well as overall rise in activity.
Input: Juice of C. chinences
Setting: Fine
Output: Glass vial containing a clear, viscous liquid. Mice died upon breathing in airborne particles of the liquid. Cause of death determined to be acute and severe inflammation in the airway, leading to respiratory failure.
Input: Juice of C. baccatum
Setting: Fine
Output: Glass vial containing small amounts of a yellow mixture. The mixture gives off a pungent, citrus-like smell. Upon ingestion, the mice began releasing a smell described by intern Sora as "appetizing".
Input: Juice of C. frutescens
Setting: Fine
Output: Glass vial containing small amounts of an orange mixture. Testing on mice resulted in an increase in aggression and erratic behaviour.
Input: Juice of C. pubescens
Setting: Fine
Output: Glass vial containing a small amount of purple mixture. After consuming the mixture, mice began vocalising desires in food and entertainment in Quechua.
Test 914-1578
Name: Technician Sollem
Date: 04/05/2020
Total Items: One standard size notecard, three standard circulating US coins of 25¢, 50¢, and $1 denomination
Note: Hello! It seems I have been transferred to this facility. I am Technician Sollem and from what I could gather from the other people who work here, I should start with a small note for 914. - Technician Sollem
Input: A small message written on a notecard, reading "Hello 914, my name is Sollem and I just got transferred to this facility. I hope we can have a good time together."
Setting: 1:1
Output: The notecard, however, the note's words have been reorganised into alphabetical order.
Input: One 25¢ coin, placed on its "tails" side.
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same coin, however, it has been flipped to the "heads" side. No other changes noted.
Input: The previous outcome, still on its "heads" side.
Setting: Fine
Output: The same coin, but on its "tails" side, no other changes noted. The output produces a cognitohazardous effect that compels people to flip the coin. Property discovered in testing after D-class was seen flipping the output for about 5 hours. Cognitohazardous effect treated with amnestics and output incinerated.
Input: One 50¢ coin, placed on its "heads" side.
Setting: Fine
Output: The same coin, still on its "heads" side. On further inspection the output, when flipped or thrown upwards in any way, can only ever land on its “heads” side and give the user a headache via anomalous means. Output placed in anomalous storage.
Note: "Heads"ache. - Technician Sollem
Input: One $1 coin, placed on its "tails" side.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Object was dispensed approximately 1 meter high in the output booth and landed on its side through non-anomalous means.
Test 914-1579
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 07/05/2020
Total Items: Three 20-sheet stacks of A4 paper, three metal ballpoint pens
Note: The results of my last few tests have gotten a little too risky for my liking. Maybe dialing things back to paper and pen will dial the outputs back to the old days of origami and musical constructs. -Prof. Wren
Input: One stack of paper, one pen.
Setting: Fine
Output: An origami 24-key piano keyboard. Device is fully functional, though audio output is muffled and only measured at 4 decibels.
Note: Huh. Honestly felt like I was tempting fate earlier. -Prof. Wren
Input: One stack of paper, one pen.
Setting: Fine
Output: A paper audio speaker. 2 sheets of paper rolled into an "aux cord" allow the unit to be connected to the previous output via one of 2 slats in the back of the piano. Doing so amplifies sound output to 44 decibels.
Note: Now that it's actually loud enough to hear, I have to admit the sound quality is rather impressive, especially for a paper construct. -Prof. Wren
Input: One stack of paper, one pen.
Setting: Fine
Output: A paper box with an "aux cord" similar to the previous output. Inside of the box is a paper cylinder covered in creased bumps that allow it to brush against 24 strips of metal in various lengths when turned. Connecting it to the piano via the "aux cord" causes the cylinder to begin turning via unknown means, causing the corresponding keys on the piano to automatically play.
Note: I was really impressed with this until I realized what song it was making the piano play. Here I was ready for Bach or Strauss and instead I get Rick Rolled. Oh well, could have gone worse. -Prof. Wren
Test 914-1580
Name: Dr. Nightingale
Date: 07/05/2020
Total Items: Five SCP-504 specimens
NOTICE:
Testing of a biological SCP object approved via an O-5 Council vote of 7-6, 0 abstaining.
Note: Following an extended foray into what I can only describe as "paperwork hell", I’ve finally received the go-ahead to perform this experiment. My hypothesis is that since SCP-914 has shown in the past the capabilities of adding anomalous properties to objects, it should be just as capable of removing them. Past experiments have shown plenty of evidence to corroborate this. For this instance, I have been permitted the use of five specimens of SCP-504. I will be putting them through SCP-914 on each of the available settings and noting whether the anomalous properties of the tomatoes are still present afterwards. - Dr. Nightingale
Input: One SCP-504 specimen
Setting: 1:1
Output: One tomato, visually identical to the SCP-504 specimen that was inputted. An audio recorder was used to play a joke within range of the specimen ("When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!"). No anomalous properties observed until after the specimen was retrieved from the output chamber, upon which it was discovered that the tomato now possessed a memetic property where any individual who makes physical contact with the specimen will begin to compulsively recite "dad jokes", puns, and other attempts at low-quality humor. This effect was noted to last for as long as the individual maintained physical contact with the tomato, and persisted for approximately three hours afterwards. Output incinerated.
Note: I tell dad jokes, but I don't have any kids. I'm a faux pa. - J.R. Kai
Note: In a way, you could chalk this up as a success, since none of SCP-504’s previous anomalous capabilities were present in the output. However, you could also just as easily place this as a failure, since it was replaced by something that is worse in some ways. I'd like to request for the security footage of the past three hours in Research Cell 109-B be deleted, though I will admit a few of the jokes were actually pretty funny. - Dr. Nightingale
Input: One SCP-504 specimen
Setting: Coarse
Output: A stack of tomato slices, a small pile of tomato seeds, a puddle of tomato juice, and a small pile of assorted dried plant material. An audio recorder was used to play a joke within range of the remains ("Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it is two-tired!"). Tomato seeds were clocked at 100kmh-1, tomato slices were clocked at 70kmh-1. Review of video footage revealed the reaction time of the SCP-504 remains to be noticeably slower and more "sluggish" compared to a regular specimen.
Note: Failure. It seems that SCP-504's capabilities remain so long as the tomato, as a whole, is still intact. An interesting thing to note here is that in comparison to the speeds recorded on previous tests with the tomato specimens, these were significantly slower. Not by too much, but still enough to deserve notice. - Dr. Nightingale
Input: One SCP-504 specimen
Setting: Rough
Output: One tomato, heavily mashed, pulped, and cut up. An audio recorder was used to play a joke within range of the remains ("What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!"). No anomalous properties observed.
Note: Interesting success. I wonder if the manner in which the SCP-504 specimen was destroyed managed to somehow "trick" the anomalous properties into thinking it had already been activated. - Dr. Nightingale
Input: One SCP-504 specimen
Setting: Fine
Output: One tomato, visually identical to the SCP-504 input. At the direction of Dr. Nightingale, testing to see if anomalous properties were still present was done off-site. An audio recorder was used to broadcast a joke within range of the specimen ("What do you call an alligator that’s eaten a GPS? A navigator!"). Observations via thermal cameras noted an unusual buildup in heat from within the SCP-504 specimen in the approximately twenty seconds leading up to the activation of its anomalous properties. Top speed was clocked at [REDACTED]. The resulting explosion and debris cloud was reported to authorities as a faulty drug disposal operation.
Note: Oh. Okay. Well then. Failure. Definitely a failure. - Dr. Nightingale
Input: One SCP-504 specimen
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One lemon, in the shape of a standard-issue Russian RGD-5 hand grenade. The stem and leaves of the lemon had been re-shaped into the equivalent of the grenade’s “pin”. Testing was moved to a separate secure container. Shortly after being activated, the lemon spontaneously combusted, bursting a shower of lemon juice outwards that immediately caught fire. Testing showed the juice to have a higher acidity level than usual.
Note: I suppose this could be seen as a success in some way, however, as none of SCP-504’s anomalous properties remained in the lemon. This is always the most frustrating part about SCP-914’s properties. There’s no consistency with what we get most of the time. Still, it does seem that the anomalous properties of objects can be removed, or even repurposed, based on my findings so far with these experiments. I suppose when life gives you lemons, etc. - Dr. Nightingale
Test 914-1581
Name: Technician Akchote, Intern Lunar, Researcher Carter Williams, Intern Beauvillier, Technician Sollem, Intern R. Skye, Junior Researcher Reimer, Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 07/05/2020
Total Items: One gramophone, one USB drive containing a cover of “Whale Song” by Technician Akchote, one “The Vice Quadrant” vinyl, one “The 2¢ Show” vinyl, one birthday cake, one pair of ice skates, one birthday card written by Intern Beauvillier, one composite book containing all volumes of the fantasy novel series “Wings of Fire”, one standard latex party balloon filled with helium with the text Happy Birthday! printed on it, one music box with a model of a ballerina, one photograph of JR Falstaff, one notebook containing various compliments, one origami crane, one drawing of JR Falstaff made by JR Boneka, two stuffed animals
Note: Today is Falstaff’s birthday, so we’re doing some celebratory testing. Party in the break room after work hours. I made cake. - JR Boneka
Input: One gramophone, one USB drive, both vinyls
Setting: Fine
Output: A gramophone with a switch made out of the USB drive's parts and a single vinyl made by the two inputted vinyls, permanently attached to the gramophone. If the gramophone is played while the switch is in its "On" state, it plays songs from both albums as covered by Technician Akchote. If the switch is in its "Off" state, the normal versions of the songs are played.
Note: Happy Birthday, Falstaff. - Technician Akchote
Input: One birthday cake
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate cake with spider-like appendages that proceeded to run towards Intern Lunar, who was performing this part of the test. Output terminated by a high speed collision with ''Jeff the Mug Cat''. Remains incinerated.
Note: No. - Intern Lunar
Input: One pair of ice skates
Setting: Fine
Output: A pair of ice skates that anomalously convert water vapor from the surrounding air into ice beneath the blades. This tends to cause the skates to freeze to the floor.
Note: Happy Birthday, and hopefully many more to come, Fal! -R. Williams
Input: One birthday card
Setting: 1:1
Output: One birthday card reading "Hapy Bith Dai Ms. Fal!!!!!! [sic] - Sined Inten James, 11", written in childish handwriting.
Note: That's the handwriting of my nephew… I'm sure the intention is still there, even if it's 914-made. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: “Wings of Fire” composite book
Setting: Fine
Output: A single book, titled "Welcome to Pyrrhia". Every page contains the number of a chapter in the original book and a cognitohazard causing the viewer to witness the actions depicted in this chapter as a secondary character. The last page contains an interactive map of Pyrrhia, which is the setting of the book.
Note: Happy Birthday, Fal. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One balloon
Setting: Fine
Output: One smaller balloon with the same text written on it. When the assigned D-class was instructed to take the balloon out of the output booth, they released it. The balloon then proceeded to float up to the top of the research cell and pop. Upon popping, “Happy Birthday!” could be heard coming from the balloon through anomalous means. Confetti was also released by the balloon as it popped. On further inspection, the confetti was made from the same latex.
Note: Good thing I brought more balloons. Happy birthday Falstaff. - Technician Sollem
Input: One ballerina music box, one photo of JR Falstaff
Setting: Fine
Output: One smaller music box. Ballerina has been replaced with a model of JR Falstaff and a model of a cake. Music box plays a rendition of "Happy Birthday To You" in guitar.
Note: Happy Birthday, Ms. Falstaff! - Intern Skye
Input: One notebook, one pencil.
Setting: Fine
Output: A notebook that contains 40 drawings featuring various fictional characters saying "Happy birthday!". Of note is that all featured characters have names that could be formed from JR Falstaff's full name and occupation (Junior Researcher Anna Falstaff). The pencil is considerably shorter.
Note: Happy birthday, Ms. Falstaff, and may every day be filled with joy like today. - JR Reimer
Input: One origami crane
Setting: 1:1
Output: One blank card shaped like a heart
Input: One drawing of JR Falstaff
Setting: Fine
Output: One detailed drawing depicting JR Falstaff and JR Boneka playing on a beach
Input: Two stuffed animals
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two stuffed dolls resembling JR Boneka and JR Falstaff, stitched together at the hands.
Note: They’re holding hands? Oh my… Well, um. Happy birthday, Fal! - JR Boneka
Note: I couldn't make it at the time, as an intern almost blew the roof off of his dormitory following an incident with a smuggled anomalous object, so I let Boneka pick a wine she thought you'd like. It's on your desk, happy birthday. - Veritas
Note: Thank you for the well wishes, everyone. I'm very touched. - Junior Researcher Falstaff
Test 914-1582
Name: Dr. Amastov
Date: 08/05/2020
Total Items: Three 500ml bottles of bleach (diluted NaClO solution)
Input: One bottle of bleach
Setting: Rough
Output: A hazy yellow gas and torn plastic scraps, scattered throughout the Output booth.
Input: One bottle of bleach
Setting: 1:1
Output: A medium-sized pile of salt, and a plastic bottle containing low-pressure oxygen.
Input: One bottle of bleach
Setting: Fine
Output: One block of compressed material. The block is extremely dense, and when rubbed on a cloth-like material it removes stains or coloration without losing any mass. No sign of plastic bottle, assumed to be part of the output.
Note: Interesting. It appears 914 knows the basic laws of chemistry, yet doesn't always abide by them or by our expectations. I believe further testing is in order. - Dr. Amastov
Test 914-1583
Name: Junior Researcher Madden
Date: 08/05/2020
Total Items: Four copies of MAD - The Golden Treasury Of Trash, one blank DVD, one note from JR Madden
Note: Greetings to both my new colleagues as well as SCP-914. I'm Dr. Alfred N. Madden and I am new to this Facility, having previously worked on the study of anomalous art and other cultural phenomenon. Since it appears to be customary to place a note into 914 when first working with it, I decided to make this note a self-introductory one for my co-workers and SCP-914. I'm happy to start a new life here at Facility 19-23. - JR Madden
Input: One note from JR Madden
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same note, but with the letters rearranged into alphabetical order
Input: One copy of MAD - The Golden Treasury Of Trash
Setting: 1:1
Output: A collection of articles from the former comedy magazine CRACKED, each being a counterpart to the articles in the MAD collection. Articles in the original MAD collection about subjects made after the discontinuation of the CRACKED magazine are replaced with articles from the modern counterpart CRACKED.com. Each article also contains a foreword from former contributor Daniel O'Brien.
Input: One copy of MAD - The Golden Treasury Of Trash
Setting: Fine
Output: A collection of non-existent MAD magazine articles centered around the topic of anomalous objects, GOIs, and the Foundation itself. Articles of note are as follows:
| The cover contains a depiction of SCP-096 as viewed from behind, apparently in a state of fear. The mascot of the magazine, Alfred E. Neuman, is shown to have a pale complexion similar to SCP-096. SCP-096 is shown as holding a picture of the mascot. |
| "Cognitohazards We Would Like To See". Contains no actual cognitohazards, and lists satirical benefits to public ones, including "getting those jerks to pick up their dog's @#$%" (note the censure was used in the article itself) and "to get politicians to be honest for once". Dated May 1989, according to the collection. |
| "Ways To Kill 682 In Less Than A Minute". Methods suggested include "bore it to death by showing it a marathon of The Apprentice" and "feed it whatever deep-fried nightmares they consider 'food' at a state fair". Dated April 2005, according to the collection. |
| "Boobles The Clown", a parody of what the introduction of the article describes as "the most controversial show on television". The comic goes through an instance of SCP-993, but deconstructing and criticising the show in a satiric manner. The comic ends with the Stephen King character Pennywise, as portrayed by Tim Curry, leading a group of other examples of the "killer clown" archetype in popular culture to criticize "Boobles" being "a poor excuse" of said archetype. Dated November 1996, according to the collection. |
| "Are We Cruel Yet?" Noted as having a much harsher and cynical tone than the rest of the collection, it makes a list of different actions GOI "Are We Cool Yet?" has taken that the writers find immoral before showing the title at the bottom, although none of the events listed have been brought to the Foundations attention, if any have actually occurred. Dated June 1985, according to the collection. |
| "When Foundation Agents Go Bad", a depiction of multiple ways a Foundation member could use anomalies in order to annoy civilians, including "[REDACTED]" (written as quoted) and "using [DATA EXPUNGED] to get a five-fingered discount". Dated October 2011, according to the collection. |
Input: One copy of MAD - The Golden Treasury Of Trash, one blank DVD
Setting: Fine
Output: One DVD, titled "Reality Street: The First 3 Seasons", a possible reference to the parody of "Sesame Street" in the MAD collection. There are no special features on the disc, and the DVD case is made out of the same materials as the inputted MAD collection. Of note is the resemblance of the human actors on the DVD to their real life counterparts in Sesame Street. The show focuses on political and cultural issues of the early 1970s in an attempt to educate the viewer on said issues. The episode that most resembles the original parody is the the last episode of season one, with the beginning of season 2 being centered around the reconstruction of the title's Reality Street.
Note: It took SCP-914 almost 38 minutes in order to construct the disc, which is much longer than it would normally take for 914 to produce media from what I've understood. This leads to one of two theories I have: one would be that SCP-914 managed to create the entirety of the show itself on its own, explaining the length of the process as well as why it chose to parody a property with fewer live actors in it in order to give itself less of a workload; the other being that it could've pulled the DVD from another reality, as some other items seem to suggest, and it took 914 more time than usual because it was looking for something extremely specific within infinite universes. Either way, this has the potential of being a significant breakthrough in our understanding of SCP-914. Permission to keep all items produced so far in the break room if cleared of anomalous effects? - JR Madden
Note: Not sure how many people want to watch a Sesame Street parody while having their break, but granted. - Veritas
Input: One copy of MAD - The Golden Treasury Of Trash
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A paperback copy of the 2004 version of The MAD Bathroom Companion: The Mother Load that is published entirely in Gaelic. It appears significantly smaller than the normal hardcover version of the book, claiming on the cover to be a "pòcaich leabhar", or pocket book. This edition includes the MAD parody of The Godfather, despite it not being in the original paperback or hardcover edition of The MAD Bathroom Companion. The object has the anomalous property of being able to contain all 864 pages of the original, plus the Godfather parody, while still being able to fit into the pocket of a regular pair of trousers as well as remaining anomalously legible, despite the ridiculously small text size. Contained in Anomalous Storage.
Note: While it is clear that this copy is anomalous, is there a way we can transcribe the text in the book into a non-anomalous copy and give it to a group dedicated to preserving dead or dying languages? It would help significantly with their cause. - JR Madden
Note: Not publicly. I talked to the DEA and about it, and they will be fine with having the text delivered with instructions provided we amnesticise the recipient afterwards, for the last 8 hours. - Veritas
Test 914-1584
Name: Intern Sora
Date: 08/05/2020
Total Items: One replica of The Death of Caesar by Vincenzo Camuccini
Input: Above item
Setting: Fine
Output: An anomalously animate painting titled The Deaths of Veritas. Once in visual range of any researcher personnel situated in Facility 19-23, the painting will change to depict a scenario where an output of SCP-914 leads to the death of Dr. Veritas. Once direct line of sight is broken, the painting would cease to be animate until viewed again. So far, 348 scenarios have been depicted on the painting.
Note: Et tu, CMXIV? - Veritas
Note: I've left the output in Anomalous Storage but someone took the liberty of hanging it up in the break room. Whoever it was, Dr. Veritas would like to have a word with you. - Sora
Note: This output might actually prove to be very useful. I have assigned a team of interns who will log down a description of outputs as depicted in the painting, so as to ensure that similar objects outputted by 914 will be incinerated immediately. - Dr. Cahill
Test 914-1585
Name: Junior Researcher Andrada
Date: 08/05/2020
Total Items: Six printed photographs
Note: Photographs are identical for each subject. - Jr. Researcher Andrada
Input: One photograph of a ficus in the site cafeteria
Setting: 1:1
Output: One photograph of a small potted palm tree, identified as Chamaerops humilis. The background is identical to the original photograph.
Input: One photograph of a ficus in the site cafeteria
Setting: 1:1
Output: One photograph of a small potted evergreen, identified as Juniperus rigida. The tree is decorated with what appears to be tinsel. The background is identical to the original photograph.
Input: One photograph of a ficus in the site cafeteria
Setting: Fine
Output: A folded origami ficus, retaining the same colors as the subject of the original photograph. The inks appear to have been moved to accommodate this, deforming the original photograph.
Input: One photograph of D-111462
Setting: 1:1
Output: One photograph of a man in a D-Class uniform - the ID numbers on the uniform have been patched over with a piece of cloth. The subject of the output appears to be the same age and race as D-111462, and appears to possess genetic similarities as well. No one matching his description is recorded as working for the Foundation or is known to be related to D-111462.
Input: One photograph of D-111462
Setting: 1:1
Output: One photograph of an elderly woman in a D-Class uniform - the ID numbers have once again been patched over. The subject appears to be the same race and sex as D-111462, and like the previous output, appears to possess genetic similarities. D-111462 has confirmed that the output depicts her deceased maternal grandmother - there is no record of D-111462's grandmother being in the employ of the Foundation.
Input: One photograph of D-111462
Setting: Fine
Output: One photograph of D-111462, seemingly increased in definition and embossed to provide texture. As a result, the photograph is slightly smaller than the input. D-111462 is also now smiling in the new photograph.
Note: The results of this test have some strange implications for the results of the photograph of myself that I used in a prior experiment. It raises the question of whether the results from depictions of specific people are meant to be connected to them in some way. - Jr. Researcher Andrada
Test 914-1586
Name: Junior Researcher Darling
Date: 11/05/2020
Total Items: Two photographs of Carole Baskin, Two pieces of A4 printer paper with “Did she kill Don Lewis?”, Two copies of documentation pertaining to Don Lewis’s disappearance
Note: Let’s see if 914 can solve this conclusively - Junior Researcher Darling
Note: You're going to ask the machine to solve that? 914, who has most definitely proven to be able to print falsehoods and alternate history? This is how false memory starts, you know. - Veritas
Input: One each of aforementioned items
Setting: 1:1
Output: One origami tiger’s head with an origami human arm in its jaws. Mass equal to paper input.
Input: One each of aforementioned items
Setting: Fine
Output: One copy of “Here Kitty Kitty” by the Clinton Johnson band on a paper record
Note: We think 914 works from perception of objects, and that likely influenced the result, but I’m taking it as proof that 914 thinks she did it. - Junior Researcher Darling
Note: It can also be influenced by public opinion and your own emotion. Add confirmation bias to the list on your part, Darling. That name is very strange to use in passing, did anyone ever tell you that? - Veritas
Test 914-1587
Name: Junior Researcher Reil
Date: 12/05/2020
Total Items: Two 12cm x 7cm blank cards and two plastic soup spoons.
Input: One card and one spoon
Setting: Fine
Output: One card with a thin plastic frame. Testing revealed it could absorb 5 times its own weight but would only soak up liquids more at least 1.4 times viscous than water.
Note: That was unexpected, but I guess it is a soup spoon. Placed in Anomalous Storage. - J.R. Reil
Input: One card and one spoon
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One card with a plastic cover. Has the memetic effect of making anyone exposed to it seek out soup for the next 5 hours. Note that the effect does not force exposed personnel to actually eat it. Effect is not affected by amnestics.
Note: Junior Researchers Kai and Reil have been restrained in their rooms to let the cognitohazard wear off and also to give us some peace and quiet. - Security Chief Sedna
Test 914-1588
Name: Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Date: 12/05/2020
Total Items: Three carpets
Input: One carpet
Setting: 1:1
Output: A carpet, of a different pattern.
Input: One carpet
Setting: Fine
Output: A visually unchanged carpet. It was discovered that the carpet is able to levitate 0.5cm off of the ground with up to 1kg on top of it.
Note: Permission to keep it after anomalous screening. I will take full responsibility for anything that happens because of the carpet. - Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Note: Are you looking to give yourself a concussion? And Lewis, we can all see that this has anomalous properties, you're looking for hazard screening. - Veritas
Input: One carpet
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An unchanged carpet. A carpet with a cognitohazard causing those who view it to feel a compulsion to walk onto the carpet and then feel as if they are sinking into the carpet, and subjects often showed extreme distress, often screaming that they're drowning.
Note: I'm finally going to do it myself. Incinerated. - Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Note: You're learning. - Veritas
Test 914-1589
Name: Intern Sora
Date: 12/05/2020
Total items: One Latin dictionary, one marble replica of the Seikilos column, inscribed on it Seikilos epitaph.
Input: One Latin dictionary
Settings: Fine
Output: One dictionary, printed with extremely small texts. Upon close inspection with a microscope, it is revealed that the dictionary is split into approximately 20 sections, each of a romance language. The dictionary not only contained living romance languages such as Italian and French, but also contained extinct ones such as British Latin, African Romance and Dalmatian language.
Input: Marble column
Setting: Fine
Output: One marble tablet inscribed with several lines of cuneiform symbols. Analysis showed contents to be the lyrics of a song, as well as relevant musical notations in the Hurrian language.
Note: I've transcribed the music and the lyrics into Western notations, anyone want to cover a 5000 year old piece of music with me? - Sora
Note: Ask Wren. - Veritas
Test 914-1590
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 12/05/2020
Total Items: Four blank, re-writable CDs
Note: Thus far we have been using music CDs for inputs. I'd like to see how 914 reacts to blank ones. - JR Reimer
Input: One blank CD-RW
Setting: Coarse
Output: A blank CD-ROM
Input: One blank CD-RW
Setting: 1:1
Output: A blank CD-R
Note: That still counts as a downgrade, 914. - JR Reimer
Note: Personnel are reminded that arguing with inanimate objects is not normal behaviour. - Veritas
Input: One blank CD-RW
Setting: Fine
Output: A DVD, containing the entire New Oxford American Dictionary (Third Edition).
Input: One blank CD-RW
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Identical CD-RW A blank CD-RW, which anomalously resets any computer it is inserted into. Placed into Anomalous Storage.
Note: Thankfully we tested the CD on a standalone computer, or there would be worse consequences. - JR Reimer
Note: Rosen thanks you. - Veritas
Test 914-1591
Name: Technological Researcher Boelli
Date: 12/05/2020
Total Items: One introductory note, two 'Fallen' CDs, one photograph of Researcher Boelli.
Note: Hello, everyone. I am Technological Researcher Boelli. I look forward to working with all of you. After reading the safety manual and test log, I have several ideas for some tests. I'm starting simple with the site tradition and a couple of items from home. - T.R. Boelli
Input: One introductory note
Setting: 1:1
Output: One paper fortune teller with the letters randomly placed in the slots.
Note: I was expecting 914 to rearrange the letters into alphabetical order. Interesting. - T.R. Boelli
Input: One photograph of Researcher Boelli
Setting: Fine
Output: One photograph of Researcher Boelli and a child standing in front of 914
Note: That's my daughter and me, except the background had been changed. We do not have a 'bring your child to work day' so such a picture will never happen. - T.R. Boelli
Note: Boelli, your kid is not even supposed to know what you're actually doing. I hope for your sake that she doesn't, amnestics give horrible hangovers. - Veritas
Note: They do not. As far as anyone is concerned I am a programmer for medical equipment. - T.R. Boelli
Input: One 'Fallen' CD
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 'Heart of Everything' CD
Input: One 'Fallen' CD
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged CD. One CD which possesses the anomalous property of causing the one holding it to start singing the contents of the CD off-key.
Note: Object placed in Anomalous Storage. - T.R. Boelli
Test 914-1592
Name: Researcher Marcopus
Date: 15/05/2020
Total Items: A piece of standard 80gsm A4 paper, a 50ml bottle of black ink, a small glass vial labelled "Precursor" containing 7.5g of powdered potassium nitrate (KNO3), 1.5g of powdered cellulose (C7H4O) and 1g of powdered sulphur (S), a piece of magnetite measuring 5cm x 5cm x 6cm, a small bottle containing cellulose pulp from spruce, prebleached and soaked in water.
Note: Hello all, I am here for a brief test on the Four Great Inventions of China. - R. Marcopus
Input: The piece of magnetite
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical piece of magnetite. Preliminary testing with a piece of commercial neodymium magnet shows the magnetite has lost all magnetic properties.
Addendum: Additional property of the magnetite was discovered when R. Marcopus was carrying the piece of stone around in confusion and accidentally disabled electronics within a 0.5-meter radius. Further testing revealed that the magnetite is weakly diamagnetic and can anomalously convert nearby conductors to become insulators. The prior neodymium was discovered to have lost its magnetic property. R. Marcopus was given a stern lecture on SCP-914 output handling. The object was placed into anomalous storage.
Note: Apologies for the bricked phones, replacement is on me. - R. Marcopus
Note: I am curious as to how you are planning to replace an unknown amount of work and private data, estimated to be at most 5TB. Approximately 100GB of said data was work-related and had no backup. E&TS would like to have a word with you and everyone who did not do the daily backup. - Researcher Laskenta
Input: The bottle containing spruce pulp
Setting: Fine
Output: An empty bottle, a cloud of cold water vapour and a white piece of 100gsm paper. Output cleared testing and was given to a fellow researcher for quality evaluation.
Note: This paper is of excellent quality and has a canvas-like texture that seems like it would be good for many different art mediums. I wouldn’t mind having a stack of these sheets for personal use. - JR Boneka
Input: A piece of standard 80gsm A4 paper, 50ml bottle of black ink
Setting: Fine
Output: A piece of flat item made out of a paper-plastic composite material with the combined mass of the input. The original black ink disappeared but was expected to be incorporated in some form inside the output. Output discovered to be able to graphically represent thoughts of the closest human being within a 3-m radius. The surface is refreshed at a rate of about 2cm per second, similar to a printer with monochromatic colours. Output incinerated.
Note: This could be useful, but SCP-096 exists. - R. Marcopus
Input: The aforementioned glass vial labelled "Precursor"
Setting: Fine
Output: Same glass vial, containing a yellowish-white powder labelled "914 brand Shockpowder". Upon seeing this, R. Marcopus evacuated the room and called in an IED robot to retrieve the output. The vial was retrieved successfully without any incident. It was discovered that the powder would remain inert unless exposed to 91.4nm light and 1.923N of force simultaneously, at which point it will explosively decompose with a strength similar to ordinary gunpowder. The remainder of output kept in shock-proof anomalous storage.
Note: This is a horrible shock powder, 914. It's combining some impressive chemistry to output some very uninteresting gunpowder. - R. Marcopus
Test 914-1593
Name: Junior Researcher Y. Belopaku
Date: 18/05/2020
Total Items: Three identical photographs of 511 teddy bears scattered on the floor of a dimly lit room, three ceramic knives, three empty Ziploc bags, three lavender scented candles in glass containers, three TI-84 Plus graphing calculators
Note: The photograph was taken by myself as part of a personal art project. - Belopaku
Input: One photograph, one ceramic knife, one Ziploc bag, one scented candle, one calculator
Setting: 1:1
Output: 511 pieces of paper of various shape and size inside a transparent glass sphere, a small ceramic cup filled with molten candle wax, and what appears to be a financial calculator of unknown make.
Input: One photograph, one ceramic knife, one Ziploc bag, one scented candle, one calculator
Setting: Fine
Output: A mechanical device of unknown purpose. The screen of the calculator has been replaced with a large circular translucent screen, displaying various unidentified symbols completely unrelated to the input from the buttons on the calculator. The rim of the circular screen is composed of ceramic with a thick plastic casing around the outside. When the device is pointed at the direction of the American state of Texas, it will release a small amount of vaporized scented candle wax from a compartment on its back. This effect does not occur when the device is inside the political boundaries of Texas.
Note: One of the symbols kind of looks like a weird elephant. - Jane Cho
Note: As always, your input is invaluable, Cho. - Veritas
Input: One photograph, one ceramic knife, one Ziploc bag, one scented candle, one calculator
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large, brown plastic-coated hemispherical object. All attempts to penetrate the outer plastic layer past a depth of a centimeter have failed. When the object is viewed by a human subject, they will initially experience a sensation similar to intense paresthesia localized entirely at their fingertips. After approximately 6 minutes, the subject will start vocalising distress a sound identical to screaming in the subject's voice will be emitted from their oral cavity. The subject is still able to vocalize normally at this stage. Amnesticization will no longer be capable of removing the effect from the subject after 10 minutes. After 1 hour, the subject will spontaneously split down the middle and transmute into two identical large, inanimate teddy bears composed of their own flesh.
Test 914-1594
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 19/05/2020
Total Items: A map of the Warsaw Pact (dated 1963), a Daewoo Precision Industries K5 pistol
Input: Map of the Warsaw Pact
Setting: Fine
Output: A map of the Intermarium, dated 1972. Apart from the often-associated nations, the Intermarium depicted on the map included Bulgaria, Georgia, Kalmykia, a Kuban Cossack state, and a western Kazakh state.
Note: Not sure what 914 is trying to represent here. Some sort of generic Eastern European union? - JR Reimer
Input: Daewoo K5 pistol
Setting: Fine
Output: A Colt Government M1911 pistol. Due to the input material, it is significantly lighter than a normal pistol of its build. When held, a female voice speaking in either English or Korean is heard. Effect ceases once the pistol is more than three meters away from the previous wielder. Placed in Anomalous Storage.
Note: The voice tends to cover topics related to the Korean War and the 1992 Los Angeles Riots, and identifies itself as a "Roof Korean". Looks like 914 took the input idea and ran wild with it. - JR Reimer
Test 914-1595
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 20/05/2020
Total Items: Three Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner models manufactured by iRobot
Note: This took a huge dent out of my research budget, so I’ll be skipping Rough and Coarse. Also avoiding Very Fine. I’m also pledging right now that whatever happens, I’m not going to get attached to the outputs. - JR Boneka
Input: One Roomba
Setting: 1:1
Output: One POWERbot robotic vacuum cleaner model as manufactured by Samsung
Input: One Roomba
Setting: Fine
Output: One Roomba that performs the same function, but with the added capability of being able to move on and stay mounted to walls and ceilings through anomalous means. However, it expends its battery much sooner than the standard model.
Note: It ended up losing battery and shutting off roughly two and a half meters off the ground. I had to find someone a lot taller than me to help me get it down. It’s in Anomalous Storage now. - JR Boneka
Input: One Roomba
Setting: Fine
Output: One Roomba with its settings panel replaced by a dial with settings identical to that of SCP-914’s, including Rough, Coarse, 1:1, Fine, and Very Fine. Turning the dial affects how the Roomba behaves. Further tests with the Roomba were performed in test chamber 109-A with deliberately dirtied surfaces.
| Setting | Behavior |
|---|---|
| Rough | The Roomba expelled all the debris in its holding tray and spread it across the floor. |
| Coarse | Instead of storing it into its holding tray, the Roomba swept all the debris into a single pile in the corner of the room. |
| 1:1 | The Roomba moved around the testing chamber at standard speeds, but did not pick up any debris. |
| Fine | The Roomba performed its normal function of sweeping debris into its holding tray. |
| Very Fine | The Roomba moved around the testing chamber at speeds up to 120 km/h, leaving minor dents where it collided with the wall. Object short-circuited when fired at with the H2O-9000, but not before colliding with a security guard, bruising his ankle in the process. Close examination reveals that the surfaces that were cleaned by the Roomba are devoid of all microbial life. Further monitoring of the area shows that the surfaces remain completely sterile indefinitely for five hours after the Roomba is no longer in contact. |
Test 914-1596
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 23/05/2020
Total Items: Four green-painted metal "leaves," measuring 0.8m x 0.8m x 0.1m
Note: To those of you who asked if this had anything to do with Animal Crossing, congratulations on your impeccable grasp of the obvious. -Prof. Wren
Input: One leaf.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A green metal folding chair.
Input: One leaf.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small, green metal end table.
Input: One leaf.
Setting: Fine
Output: A green metal drinking fountain. Despite not being connected to any plumbing, pressing the handle on the fountain dispenses clean, cold water. Attempts to bottle the water or use it for any purpose other than drinking will cause it to disappear.
Note: D-Class handling outputs reported his thirst returning after 25 minutes.
Note: Seems 914's familiar with the franchise. Time to see if we do something to tick off Mr. Resetti. -Prof. Wren
Input: One leaf.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A metal sphere with an exclamation mark etched into it.
Note: D-Class was ordered by Prof. Wren to drop the output immediately. Upon output contacting the floor, it disappeared; a large X-shaped gouge appeared in the floor immediately in front of D-class, where the output landed. D-class ignored Prof. Wren's commands not to step on the gouge, at which point the gouge immediately opened into a pit. Upon D-class hitting the bottom of the pit, the pit and the D-class vanished.
Note: *sigh* I'll be in Dr. Veritas' office if anyone needs me… -Prof. Wren
Test 914-1597
Name: Researcher Jane Cho, Junior Researcher Y. Belopaku (assisting)
Date: 27/05/2020
Total Items: Three 1kg samples of calcite, three 1kg samples of basalt, three glass bottles containing 0.25 grams of tree pulp, three identical copies of an outdated Florida licence plate
Note: I’m officially back! - Jane Cho
Input: One of each item listed above
Setting: 1:1
Output: One large rock, composed of what appears to be an unnatural matrix of various minerals derived from the input, with an unchanged licence plate embedded into its side. The glass is assumed to have been replaced with quartz. Non-invasive scanning has determined that a rectangular piece of paper is present inside a cavity in the rock.
Input: One of each item listed above
Setting: Fine
Output: An inanimate stone sculpture of what appears to be a spider with four legs and a hollow tube-shaped head. Its body and legs are made of basalt, its head is composed of metal from the licence plate, and calcite composes multiple patterns on its sides. A long glass cylinder protrudes from the head cavity, topped with a small paper model of a lotus flower. When JR Belopaku initially viewed the item, he was affected with a powerful memetic compulsion to "escape" the room. Amnestics were provided and were proved to be effective at removing this effect. This effect was not present in subsequent viewings of the item.
Note: I think I know where this is going. It's a pataphysics thing, don't worry if you have no idea what I'm talking about. - Jane Cho
Note: At the request of Researcher Cho, JR Belopaku was excluded from the test and was replaced by D-99326.
Input: One of each item listed above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA LOST]
Addendum:
Sometimes I feel like the entire world is just an illusion.
[DATA LOST]
Belopaku: Fortunately.
Nothing makes sense. Everything contradicts each other.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t even exist.
[DATA LOST]
Three unidentified humanoid figures can be seen guarding the entrance of the facility.
Belopaku: That is not a pen. That is most definitely not a pen.
What do you do then? What do you do when you feel like there’s nothing to feel, and nothing to do?
[DATA LOST]
Cho: I like this place.
Belopaku can be heard sobbing.
I want to be grounded in this reality. I want to believe that everything is real, that some things actually make sense and can be justified by themselves.
Is that too much to ask?
[DATA LOST]
A large mushroom is being consumed by JR Belopaku.
Belopaku: I was never born.
Cho: No.
On some days I feel like I’m not even getting better.
A gust of wind knocks over the output booth.
Sometimes I feel like I’m breaking out of dozens of comfort zones every day to improve myself, just to look back and realize I’m back where I first started.
I want to say my mind is playing tricks on me, because it probably is, but
[DATA LOST]
Cho: Do you believe in reality?
Belopaku smiles.
for once
Cho: There’s something on the moon.
A beam of white light enters the atmosphere, turning it opaque as the air rapidly converts to plasma.
[DATA LOST]
Note: The above addendum was appended to the experiment log as an anonymous edit from an unknown source. Both Researcher Cho and Junior Researcher Belopaku were found to have no recollection of any of the events recorded. In addition, the identity and/or location of the output from this test is currently unknown. Investigation on this incident is ongoing.
Test 914-1598
Name: Dr. Amastov
Date: 27/05/2020
Total Items: 100ml of hydrochloric acid, 300ml of water, 100g of sodium
Note: I'm back, this time with some more interesting chemistry experiments. Let's see how 914 reacts to these reactive substances. I'm using very small amounts, so that there is minimal risk of damage to personnel or 914 itself.
Input: 150ml of water, 50g of sodium, separate.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A glass cup (Water was contained in glass container), containing several ice cubes, and traces of hydrogen gas. There were also traces of Sodium Hydroxide within the chamber.
Note: Not the result I was expecting, but we'll get there.
Input: 150ml of water, 50g of sodium. Sodium was placed in large sealed container with water.
Setting: Fine
Output: A ball approximately one foot in diameter. When analysed, the chemical makeup of the ball was confirmed to be sodium and hydrogen, along with traces of an unknown material.
Note: Odd. Somehow the ball doesn't turn into sodium hydroxide. Perhaps it is something to do with this other material? The only other things in the chamber were the plastic container and the oxygen component of the water.
Input: 50ml of hydrochloric acid. Contained within glass test tube.
Setting: Fine
Output: Several small glass orbs, each containing liquid versions of both hydrogen and chlorine gas. When exposed to room temperature, the liquid within the orbs showed no signs of turning into gaseous forms.
Note: One of the orbs was broken in a separate room, and the chemicals within instantly vaporised. I think it might have compressed the gases, hence the liquids. The amount of pressure required to do so would be immense, I'm not sure 914 followed the general laws of science for this one.
Input: 50ml of hydrochloric acid. Contained on glass plate.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small quadrupedal creature, with transparent skin and musculature. Visible within the creature were several veins of an unknown liquid. The creature reacted with hostility when the output booth opened, and attempted to assault staff by jumping into them. Due to its small size and lack of sharp implements, it was unable to do any damage to personnel. Output dissected and incinerated.
Note: The liquid within the creature was some kind of combination of glass, the acid, and something else. We weren't able to analyse it properly with our equipment, but we were able to take samples for further analysis. A fascinating outcome.
Test 914-1599
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 27/05/2020
Total Items: A CD copy each of Find Me, With Love, Side A, and All Is Vanity albums by Christina Grimmie; four 10mL vials of propan-2-ol
Input: Find Me, one vial of propan-2-ol
Setting: 1:1
Output: A CD copy of Showbiz by Muse, one vial of propan-1-ol
Input: With Love, one vial of propan-2-ol
Setting: Fine
Output: A CD copy of ? by XXXTentacion. The vial and its contents are repurposed as a protecting film.
Input: Side A, one vial of propan-2-ol
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A Blu-Ray disc, labelled "Side A". Accessing the Blu-ray disc via computer reveals an online database. All songs on the database are A-side songs from 1948 to the present. Attempts to locate the database server have failed. The disc is slightly heavier than an ordinary Blu-Ray disc as materials from the vial are incorporated into the disc.
Input: All Is Vanity, one vial of propan-2-ol
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A polycarbonate ball. During testing, an attempt from D-5789 to cut the ball open [DATA LOST]
Note: We have no clue what happened. What we do know is that the output showed significant cognitohazardous properties that causes viewers to believe that the number 5789 does not exist. Said anomaly itself does not exist in this timeline. - Dr. Cleveland
Cite this page as:
"Experiment Log 914" by Dr Gears, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/experiment-log-914. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.
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