Note to all Researchers:
Please include your name on all records, along with date and total number of items "refined".
Researchers are responsible for all "Output". Should damage or loss of life occur, the researcher will be subject to administrative review and possible disciplinary action.
Biological testing has been suspended. Any biological testing must be cleared by O5 Command.
Test Log Format:
All test logs should be written in this form.
Name:
Date: DD/MM/YYYY
Total Items:
Input:
Setting:
Output:
<- Notice: Continued from 10XX.
Test 914-1100
Name: R. Miniwa, R.A. Walker, I. Roman, R. Festiv, W.R. Markham, Dr. Zavalosa, G.E. Regas, I. Snevets, R. Nybble, J.R. Kai, Dr. Veritas, Dr. Beiderman, R. MacLean, R. Connolly, R. Rasclon, I. Demole, S.R. Vivic, A.R. King
Date: 15/10/2019
Total Items: Thirty wooden boxes, all labelled with "Schrodinger's cat" in pencil. Each box has a 50% chance of an image of a cat inside. "Randomness" achieved by placing an image of a cat within 15 of the 30 boxes, then instructing multiple researchers and interns to scramble the order of the boxes (while others are not observing). Researcher Miniwa then picked one box out of the 30, at random, and began this test.
Note: As this test has multiple researchers, each turning the key separately and at separate times, I have re-written each Input/Setting/Output to be "Name/Input/Setting/Output". Remaining boxes placed in storage. Requesting nobody opens boxes to retain randomness."- Researcher Miniwa
Ex. 914-1100-01
Name: Researcher Miniwa
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: Wooden box. Contains a paper image of Researcher Miniwa inside. When opened, has a 50% chance for an image of Researcher Miniwa to appear inside, attached to a paper. If the paper is removed and the box closed, the paper vanishes.
Ex. 914-1100-02
Name: R.A. Walker
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden egg. When opened, a paper image of an ''Eevee'' is found to be inside there is a 75% chance that a paper image of an ''Eevee'' will be found, and if there is an ''Eevee'', there is a 1 in 4096 chance that the creature will be silver and white instead of brown and tan.
Note: It appears that the chance of the "Cat" being dead has halved for me. - R.A. Walker
Ex. 914-1100-03
Name: Intern Roman
Input: One of the above boxes.
Setting: Fine
Output: Another, smaller box, containing nothing a small wooden mouse. When opened, the mouse will have its eyes open half of the time, and will be flipped upside down with its eyes closed the other half of the time.
Ex. 914-1100-04
Name: Researcher Festiv
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden box with a ~87% chance of a photo of a cat being inside with the chances of a photo of a cat inside the box reducing with the time in between opening. This starts at a 99.9% chance directly after closing the box, and ending at a 0.1% chance 1 hour after closing the box.
Ex. 914-1100-05
Name: WR Markham
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One wooden model of a trolley. When opened, a photo of five women attacking an unknown weapon is seen there is a 48% chance that a photo of five people attacking an unknown weapon is visible, a 35% chance that a photo of an armed woman bleeding out and crying on her knees is seen, and another 17% chance where no photo appears.
Note: Combining the first two results would mean that the equivalent probability of a dead cat for me is one-third of the normal case. Also, the second image is rather unsettling, to say the least. - WR Markham
Ex. 914-1100-06
Name: Dr. Zavalosa
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One anomalous Matryoshka doll. The Matryoshka doll can be opened up to an identically sized Matryoshka doll, which can be opened up to another identically sized Matryoshka doll and so forth. The shells of the opened Matryoshka dolls are non-anomalous until used with the original doll at which point they will successfully fit back in place without extra force when contact is made with the original. Each of the Matryoshka dolls halves have a 25% chance of having a blue theme, a 25% chance of having a red theme and a 50% chance of having a purple theme. There is no set order to this colouring, closing the doll upon a certain colour does not mean the same colour will be seen once opened again. Stored in Dr. Zavalosa's belongings.
Ex. 914-1100-07
Name: Guest Engineer Regas
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One wooden model “motor engine” with a cord. When the cord is pulled, a engine revving noise can be heard. 25% of the time, an engine noise will also be audible for the next 3 minutes as if the motor engine successfully started.
Ex. 914-1100-08
Name: Intern Snevets
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden memory module for a quantum computer. Non-functional due to having no metal components.
Ex. 914-1100-09
Name: Dr. Veritas
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: Wooden miniature of a wood-chipper, with a single button on the side. The paper was lodged in the hopper. Testing shows that paper has a chance of around 50% to either be shredded normally or have alternate results.
Results so far:
- Normal shreds.
- An animate paper butterfly capable of flight.
- Normal shreds.
- An origami flower that opens when exposed to sunlight.
- Normal shreds.
- A paper dice that only falls to 1 or 6.
Ex. 914-1100-10
Name: Researcher Nybble
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A box that, when opened, contains either a blank piece of paper or a piece of paper with a 64 x 64 ''pixel'' drawing of a cat in an ''8-bit'' style.
Ex. 914-1100-11
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged box, now labelled with "Kai's kat".
Note: Common sense dictates that I should get a D-class to open it… but I just have this urge, you know? - JR Kai
Note: Are you actually thinking about sabotaging your own retirement plans for an ''urge''? - Veritas
Addendum:
A compromise was reached and Junior Researcher Kai was allowed to open the box with a D-class personnel whose name was Kai ████. Both personnel were given Class-III personal protective gear and a stand-by MTF unit was requested for back-up.
The box was opened to reveal an origami kat plant (Catha edulis). After further testing was conducted, it was determined that the kat plant was anomalously alive, despite being consisted solely of paper. The plant's roots do not appear to dissolve in water and after clearing anomaly testing, is currently located on Junior Researcher Kai's desk.
Note: Kat is a stimulant, so anyone who sneaks into my office to grab a leaf or two is going to face a very annoyed me. - JR Kai
Ex. 914-1100-12
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One non-anomalous wooden Hurdy Gurdy. When cranked, it plays "Pop goes the weasel". Testing has shown that there is a 50% chance each time it is used that it will instead play a nonlethal auditory hazard.
Note: Tom Jones' "Whats New Pussycats" is not an auditory hazard, guys.
Ex. 914-1100-13
Name: Researcher MacLean
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A box, whenever opened, has a 50% chance of containing a drawing of a cat, a 25% chance of containing nothing, and a 25% chance of containing a small spring-loaded blade composed of origami. The blade/cat disappears after ceasing to be observed, resetting the box.
Note: The 25% chance of a blade appearing was discovered after the box was activated a third time, stabbing the D-Class testing it in the Carotid Artery.
Ex. 914-1100-14
Name: Researcher Connolly
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden box with a picture of a cat inside. Upon closing and re-opening the box, there is a 25% chance that the picture will change to that of a black cat with the words “BOO!” written on the bottom. Upon seeing the image of the black cat, the viewer will faint from fright.
Note: It is confirmed that this fainting effect is due to an anomalous effect and not because the people testing are faint of heart, correct? - Dr. Zavalosa
Ex. 914-1100-15
Name: Researcher Ija Rasclon
Input: One of the above boxes.
Setting: Fine
Output: A box that has a 25% chance to contain one wooden cat figure, a 12.5% chance to contain two half-mass figures, a 6.25% chance to contain at least four quarter-mass figures, etc. This pattern does not have a known limit. The chances are cumulative, meaning there is always a 50% chance for the box to be empty. Material for the figures is taken from the box's inside surface.
Ex. 914-1100-16
Name: Intern Jane Demole, D-29445
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: 1:1
Output: A wooden cat labelled Schrödinger's Box.
Input: Above output
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden cat that has wood fiber fur. D-29445 was instructed to reach his hand into the cat's mouth. D-29445 was hesitant, but followed orders. The cat bit down, causing D-29445 immense pain. When he pulled his arm out, there was a small origami box in his hand. When instructed to unfold it, the paper had a word written on it. 50% of the time, the word was "Alive", and the other 50% of the time, the word was "Dead".
Note: That's an interesting take on Schrödinger's Cat. - I. Demole
Ex. 914-1100-17
Name: SR Vivic
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A box that 50% of the time when opened will contain an origami wolf looking up that the person who opened the box. There is a 25% chance that the box will contain a cognitohazard that will cause the viewer to laugh for several seconds yet can not recite what was funny or what was in the box. Finally there is a 25% chance that the box will contain a piece of paper folded to resemble an old book with no identifying features.
Note: I used a camera yet I still do not know what is in the box when it shows the cognitohazard. - S.R. Vivic.
Ex. 914-1100-18
Name: AR King
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A paper-like box with a wooden slate inside of it. The slate has a 50% chance of a carving of a normal cat, a 25% chance of Nekotama carving and a 25% chance of a Bakeneko carving.
Addendum: There is actually a 49% chance of a carving of a normal cat and a 1% chance of a Kasha carving. The carving will be burning with a heatless fire that does not burn anything.
Ex. 914-1100-19
Name: Prof. Wren
Input: One of the above boxes.
Setting: Fine
Output: A box stylized like a tape cassette that, when opened, will have a 50% chance of playing one of the following songs, with the number of plays over a series of 100 openings indicated next to the title:
- Kenny Loggins, Highway to the Danger Zone (7)
- George Harrison, (I Got My Mind) Set On You (8)
- Kenny Loggins, Footloose (4)
- Jo-el Sonnier, Louisiana 1920 (1)
- Jo-el Sonnier, Tear-Stained Letter (9)
- Ray Parker Jr., Ghostbusters (8)
- The Bus Boys, Cleanin' Up the Town (7)
- Mike Reno & Ann Wilson, Almost Paradise (3)
- Bonnie Tyler, Holding Out for a Hero (3)
Note: This…this is the song list from a tape my mom recorded for me as a child. -Prof. Wren
Note: Prof. Wren left the testing area partway into testing, visibly brought to tears.
Test 914-1101
Name: Guest Researcher Blue
Date: 15/10/2019
Total Items: 18 empty aluminum cans branded for, and previously containing, "Canada Dry" ginger ale, 3 large glass containers each of carbonated water, and high fructose corn syrup, 3 small glass containers each of ginger extract, assorted naturally sourced flavorings, citric acid, sodium benzoate, and caramel food coloring.
Note: The purpose of this test is to determine if 914 can reproduce a desired product when given the proper ingredients. I was uncertain of what "natural flavors" to include, so I made an educated guess. -G.R. Blue
Input: 6 aluminum cans, 1 set of ingredients.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 10 smaller than usual aluminum cans branded as "Canada Wet" ginger ale, and one large glass bowl of spare ingredients left in the corner of the output booth. Testing of the product confirmed it to be ordinary, notably non-carbonated water, with a very light ginger taste. After chemical testing revealed no other unusual properties, remaining unopened cans were placed in the break-room fridge.
Note: Not exactly what I was expecting, but I suppose this is an equivalent product in some sense of the word. -G.R. Blue
Input: 6 aluminum cans, 1 set of ingredients.
Setting: Fine
Output: 6 aluminum cans branded as "Dry Canadian" ginger ale, and one cube of glass left in the corner of the output booth. D-class testing the beverage described a sudden and intense urge to acquire Canadian citizenship. When tested with a D-class already possessing of Canadian citizenship, D-class expressed an overwhelming feeling of national pride.
Addendum: Approx. 5 minutes after testing, both D-class expressed an intense need to urinate. After relieving themselves, and upon a medical screening, D-class who tested the product where found to be experiencing minor dehydration. Remaining unopened cans incinerated.
Note: Guess it does what it says on the tin. -G.R. Blue
Input: 6 aluminum cans, 1 set of ingredients.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 large glass stein, with ornate aluminum inlay reading "914 Brand Extra Dry Ginger Ale". D-class was asked to take a drink of the contents, and immediately after doing so began urinating uncontrollably. D-class expressed panic until urination abruptly ceased at which point D-class collapsed onto the floor, and a slurry of other bodily fluids began draining from all present pores and orifices. D-class simultaneously appeared to "shrivel up" with their flesh becoming increasingly tight around their bones. After this effect had appeared to cease, further inspection revealed that the D-class had been completely drained of all fluids, making their body extremely rigid and very brittle. Stein produced by SCP-914 was found to have broken when dropped by the testing D-class, and the contents mixed with the bodily fluids on the testing room floor. Physical contact with spilled contents produced no anomalous effects, although it is unknown if this is due to their mixture with the bodily fluids present, or due to a requirement of being consumed to produce its anomalous effects. D-class remains as well as remains of stein incinerated.
Note: Dear lord, this is going to be a nightmare to clean up… Regardless, these results were extremely interesting, I'll have to design more tests to explore this further. -G.R. Blue
Test 914-1102
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 15/10/2019
Total Items: Three blank Blu-Ray discs with notes on the labels.
Note: These tend to produce interesting results, what can I say? -Prof. Wren
Input: A disc marked with a group photo of the 914 testing staff.
Setting: Fine
Output: A disc containing a copy of the full season of ''Firefly'', with the main cast replaced by the following Site staff:
- Site Director Hackett as Capt. Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds
- Dr. Veritas as Hoban "Wash" Washburne
- Senior Researcher Vivic as Zoë Washburne
- Researcher Miniwa as Kaywinnet Lee "Kaylee" Frye
- Dr. Zane as Simon Tam
- Intern Lunar as Shepherd Derrial Book
- Researcher Connolly as Jayne Cobb
- Prof. Wren as Inara Serra
- A mechanical humanoid, presumably a representation of SCP-914, as River Tam
- Researcher Darby as the "Grr Argh" monster in the end credits logo.
Input: A disc with the SCP Foundation logo imprinted on it.
Setting: Fine
Output: A disc labeled "110-Montauk." Immediately ordered to be incinerated by Prof. Wren.
Note: D-class dropped the disc immediately upon picking it up, convulsing and vomiting for 2 minutes before being sedated by medical staff. After calming down enough to speak, D-class explained, with difficulty, how touching the disc caused him to see [DATA EXPUNGED]. D-class then proceeded to snap the disc in half and slit his own throat with the jagged edge. A janitorial staffer was brought in to clean up the testing area after D-class' body was removed, but had a similar reaction when the broom he was using came in contact with a shard of the disc. Staffer was sedated enough to finish cleanup, whereupon he deposited all pieces of the disc into the incinerator before attempting to enter the incinerator himself. Sedated and administered amnestics.
Note: Good lord… -Prof. Wren
Note: Remainder of test aborted by request of Prof. Wren.
Test 914-1103
Name: Researcher Nybble
Date: 14/10/2019
Total Items: One note reading "Hi 914! Im new here. Hope you treat me well!", a sharpened number 2 pencil
Input: Aforementioned items
Setting: 1:1
Output: A hollowed-out pencil with the graphite and metal removed and an origami USB drive. Testing has shown that when plugged into a computer it opens a .txt file containing the original note.
Test 914-1104
Name: Assistant Researcher King
Date: 15/10/2019
Total Items: Two vacuums, one mop and one feather duster
Note: Maybe I can get something for the janitorial staff, something that could help clean the output booth faster between tests or something - AR King
Input: One vacuum
Setting: Fine
Output: A vacuum that when turned on, will suck in any dust, dirt, etc. within a 1 meter radius of the vacuum nozzle.
Input: One mop
Setting: Fine
Output: A mop that cleans anything it passes over perfectly, leaving the surface the same as it was when originally made. Reduces friction of cleaned surfaces by an extreme amount, making them more slippery than ice. Effect lasts until a significant amount of dirt was added.
Input: One feather duster
Setting: Fine
Output: An unchanged feather duster. When the output comes into contact with a surface it will slowly draw in any dust from the surface to the point of contact.
Addendum: The dust will be drawn in a direct line from its starting position, meaning any dust will bore through any object in the direction of the duster. AR King dropped the object after holding it for 24 seconds and was sent to the medical ward for examination after exclamation about pain in his chest. He had multiple small holes in his lungs and throat and has been placed in the medical ward until further notice. Item incinerated.
Test 914-1105
Name: Junior Researcher Pines
Date: 15/10/2019
Total Items: Two figurines of the character “Dio” from part 3 of the Anime and manga series “Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures”
Input: One of the figurines
Setting: 1:1
Output: One figurine of the character “Jotaro” from the same series
Input: One of the figurines
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One figurine, appearing identical to the input, but with a button on the figure's back that when pressed, will cause the figurine to glow yellow for approximately 3 seconds. The phrase “ZA WARUDO!” will be emitted from the mouth of the figure during this time, which caused the D-class involved in testing to immediately demanifest. The D-class reappeared 3 seconds later, 10 meters away from where he originally was. It has been concluded that the figurine is capable of limited time-manipulation. Further testing showed that the more times the button is pressed, the longer period of time will be stopped.
Note: I’d like to request further testing, to see what uses this might have. - Junior Researcher Pines
Note: Veritas will never approve of keeping anything with time manipulation properties. It goes to anomalous storage or the incinerator, your choice. - WR Markham
Note: Permanent storage. - Veritas
Test 914-1106
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: One 1cm cube of sodium, magnesium, aluminium, silicon, and phosphorus, each contained in glass
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with sodium
Setting: Fine
Output: A shot glass made of sodium. The outside is lined with glass. When removed from the output booth, water began condensing in the glass, causing it to combust. Output was thrown onto the floor by R.A. Walker, and he proceeded to forcefully smother the flames and crush the output with the bottom of his lab boots.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with magnesium
Setting: Fine
Output: 10 glass matches. When struck, they burn for less than one second. Determined non-anomalous and discarded.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with aluminium
Setting: Fine
Output: One square meter of aluminum foil, folded to give the appearance that it is wrapped around a sandwich. Testing shows an impurity of silicon in the foil. R.A. Walker seemed dismayed when he found that there was in fact no sandwich in the foil.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with silicon
Setting: Fine
Output: 1.2cm cube of glass.
Input: Above output
Setting: Fine
Output: Lenses for a pair of glasses. R.A. Walker took his glasses off and looked through the lenses. When he took the lenses away, he became visibly distressed. He removed the lenses from his glasses and replaced them with the output, before putting the glasses back on.
Note: I don't know what these lenses are, but now, when I look around without them, everything looks orange and yellow. It's rather creepy. - R.A. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with phosphorus
Setting: Fine
Output: A phosphorus statue of Researcher Darby on a glass stand. Darby is holding a white phosphorus grenade. Darby himself is made of red phosphorus.
Addendum: After visiting an on-site ophthalmologist, it has been determined that the lenses altered the opsins in Walker's eye, causing his cone cells to be receptive to light with wavelengths of 1µm, 12µm, and 14µm instead of 440nm, 540nm, and 570nm. Wearing the lenses seems to correct this.
Note: My vision is still poor without my glasses, so it doesn't bother me. - R.A. Walker
Test 914-1107
Name: Researcher Ija Rasclon
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: Four pieces of paper, with various Foundation terms for hazard classification written on them.
Note: SCP-914 never gives an expected output, especially on higher settings. I want to test the limits of this negation property. I'm fully aware that this test could produce something extremely dangerous, which is why I will be starting with only singular hazard types to make sure the limit isn't extremely low, and will be implementing heavy safety methods in the final test. Still, I don't expect to come out uninjured, which is why I'll be conducting this test with only me, D-Class, and a standby security team in case anything goes wrong. -R. Rasclon
Input: A piece of paper, reading "cognitohazardous".
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A piece of paper, reading "yum". Possesses an infohazardous property which causes a piece of it to manifest inside the mouth of any person informed of its existence.
Note: Alright, the negation still holds when it's directly addressed. It didn't create a cognitohazard. I'll try to force it into a corner. -R. Rasclon
Input: A piece of paper, reading "cognitohazardous, infohazardous, memetic"
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate piece of paper, capable of basic movement via flapping.
Note: Still not anything I wrote. Good. One more test before the large one. -R. Rasclon
Input: A piece of paper, reading "cognitohazardous, infohazardous, memetic, animate, hostile, sapient, sentient"
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A piece of paper with edges sharp enough to cut most material it was tested upon, with the exception of materials possessing high chemical regularity (large crystals, extremely pure long-chain proteins, etc).
Note: I'll be going ahead with the final test. The room is soundproofed, and a highly-cooperative D-Class (D-1325) will be operating the machine. I'll be communicating with D-1325 by paper passed through a metal hatch, controlled by a mechanical system which allows only one end to be open at a time. I will be confirming the continuity of the being I am communicating with via a randomly-generated password (GeNERAl) at the start of each note. There will be no method of visually observing the chamber from the outside. The room is vacuum-sealed, and can be drained of air or flooded with noble gases / toxins. I hope that's enough. If my negation hypothesis is correct, hopefully all this safety will be for nothing. -R. Rasclon
Input: A piece of paper, with every Foundation hazard classification written on it.
Setting: Very Fine
Transcript:
R. Rasclon: Place the paper into the input booth and activate the machine. Make sure the dial is set to 'Very Fine'.
D-1325: GeNERAl. It's in. The thing's making some noises.
R. Rasclon: That's normal behaviour. Wait there, and refrain from percieving the output booth. Tell us when it opens. You'll hear it.
[8 minutes pass]
D-1325: GeNERAl. The door opened, and the noises have stopped. I haven't looked in the box yet.
R. Rasclon: Look at the output through the glasses we gave you, but do not approach it.
D-1325: GeNERAl. I can't see it that clearly from here. It looks like the paper's been folded or crunched into a ball or something. My brain hasn't exploded though.
R. Rasclon: Throw the rock at the output.
D-1325: GeNERAl. Chucked the pebble at it, but I missed by a couple feet. Nothing happened.
R. Rasclon: Please remove the glasses.
D-1325: GeNERAl. Took them off. Not dead.
R. Rasclon: Approach the output to inspect it.
D-1325: GeNERAl. It's funny shaped. Like a cylinder with two rectangles coming out the bottom. It's folded.
R. Rasclon: Are there markings of any kind on the cylinder?
D-1325: GeNERAl. Yeah. It just says the word 'capacitor' a bunch of times.
Output: A piece of paper folded into the shape of a basic capacitor. The word 'capacitor' is written on the surface of the object many times, in various sizes, writing styles, and capitalization forms. No anomalous properties found, despite over 12 hours of testing.
Note: Refer to 0850. -R. Rasclon
Note: Researcher Ija Rasclon has requested a two week leave period, as well as Thaumiel-class protection measures to be implemented into the anomalous storage ward. The first request was granted, and the second denied. - Veritas
Test 914-1108
Name: Senior Researcher Vivic, D-77544
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: Four pairs of aviator glasses, 20g of quartz dust, 30g of zinc, 20g of phosphorus, 20g of palladium.
Input: One pair of glasses, 20g of quartz dust
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually identical pair of glasses; however, there are 4 wide diagonal stripes along the arm of the glasses. When worn, the wearer will perceive 280 spiders of various species on all surfaces viewed, yet cannot feel them. The effect ceases once removed. Glasses destroyed via incineration.
Note: All things considered, it was lucky that D-77544 actually likes spiders and did not lose his mind when wearing these. - Vivic
Input: One pair of glasses, 30g of zinc
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One pair of glasses with identical lenses; however, the rim surrounding the lenses now have a silver sheen. Inscribed upon the left arm are the words ”For Darby” and on the right arm is ”Now with more spiders!” When worn, the wearer perceives over 25,000 individual spiders on all objects and surfaces; when removed, the effect lasts up to 8 minutes and will cause great levels of distress in the wearer. Object destroyed with extreme prejudice via controlled explosives.
Note: D-77544 no longer likes spiders and has been diagnosed with arachnophobia after this test. Furthermore, I believe my actions were justified. - Vivic
Input: One pair of glasses, 20g of phosphorus
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One pair of glasses, with softly green tinted lenses. When worn, the glasses allow the user to see in dark environments without the need for a flashlight or other light source. For testing purposes, the time limit was discovered after 44 minutes of use when D-77544 reported an enormous 2m-tall glowing green spider break through the testing chamber wall; however, this was determined to only be a visual hallucination. Glasses destroyed when D-77544 threw them across the room and the remains have been incinerated.
Note: This is why I request that all D-class personnel who have undergone trauma to be allowed to rest and have another called down for testing. - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: One pair of glasses, 20g of palladium
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One circular 4mm wide silicate lens with a circumference of 4cm and a plastic frame. When looking through the lens, the user is able to see into the esoteric Aspect Radiation spectrum termed by the Group of Interest "Global Occult Coalition" as Elan-Vital Energy within the observed area. The object has been placed into storage pending further research.
Test 914-1109
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: Three toy models of the NCC-1701-D Enterprise from "Star Trek: the Next Generation."
Input: One model.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 1:512 scale model of the CVN-65 Enterprise aircraft carrier, including a squadron of 7 F-14 Tomcat fighter jets and 3 HH-60H Seahawk helicopters.
Note: I have to admit, the level of detail on this is incredible. Also, was anyone else expecting an Imperial Star Destroyer? -Prof. Wren
Input: One model.
Setting: Fine
Output: A 1:16 scale model of a 2017 Ford Explorer SUV, emblazoned with the logo of the Enterprise car rental agency. Upon the output booth opening, the toy vehicle sped off via unknown means of propulsion, reaching 82 km/h before colliding with the door to the testing area and shattering to pieces.
Note: How was that an improvement, 914? -Prof. Wren
Input: One model.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A toy model of the NCC-1701 Enterprise from the original "Star Trek" TV series. Model floated 0.73 meters off the ground via unknown means. After flying out of the output booth at speeds measured up to 94 km/h, the model took up a slow orbit around D-class in the testing area.
Note: Oh man, wouldn't it be cool if this thing could fly like the ship in the show? I mean, like, (at this point Prof. Wren does an impression of Captain James T. Kirk from the aforementioned show) "Helm, set…course…for Jupiter…at…Warp 1…engage." Something like th—what the [RECORDING DAMAGED] -Prof. Wren
Note: After the "helm" order was given, the model proceeded to turn upwards before launching through the roof of the testing area, setting off a sonic boom. Satellite tracking confirmed the model to be on a direct course for Jupiter at near-relativistic speeds. The model later confirmed to be in orbit around Jupiter.
Note: See me in my office, Wren. - Veritas
Test 914-1110
Name: Researcher Vil
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: Five sketches of personnel working in Site-19 Facility 23.
Note: I'm sketching all the items here. -Vil
Input: One full-body sketch of Research Assistant Walker wearing a lab coat.
Setting: Fine
Output: One full-body sketch of Research Assistant Walker wearing US military uniform.
Note: Thanks 914, I hate it. Why the hell does 914 see me as a military type? I'd be KIA in boot camp. - R.A. Walker
Note: To be honest though you look very good on it -Vil
Note: I have a violet suit that looks similar, if you want me to wear it. - R.A. Walker
Input: One full-body sketch of Dr. Veritas wearing a lab coat.
Setting: Fine
Output: One full-body sketch of Dr. Veritas in a tuxedo, his face obscured.
Note: I wonder if Dr. Veritas will be the next O5? -Vil
Input: One upper-body sketch of Intern Snevets wearing a lab coat.
Setting: Fine
Output: One upper-body sketch of Intern Snevets wearing a SWAT uniform.
Note: Heh, that's a good joke. Maybe in electronic warfare, but I'd never be able to make a ground team. - Intern Snevets
Input: One full-body sketch of Researcher Miniwa wearing a lab coat.
Setting: Fine
Output: One full-body sketch of Researcher Miniwa wearing a nightgown.
Input: One full-body sketch of Researcher Cleveland wearing a lab coat.
Setting: Fine
Output: One full-body sketch of Researcher Cleveland wearing a jersey.
Note: It seems 914 only managed to alter it, though the sketch is much cleaner. -Vil
Note: I am a fan of football though, particularly FIFA, and I did visualize myself taking this career when I was younger. - Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-1111
Name: Temporary Maintenance Technician Wren
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: Two copies of 17 Again on DVD
Note: For reasons detailed in Test 914-1109, I have been temporarily reassigned to building maintenance to assist with the installation of a new skylight for the testing area. Dr. Veritas has, however, been gracious enough to let me conduct a test involving Nukea's favorite movie while we wait for the weather to clear up, on the condition that I keep the setting off of "Very Fine." -Prof. Wren
Input: Both DVDs.
Setting: Fine
Output: Upon the output booth opening, both discs came flying out at a velocity of 1.7 m/s. 1.3 seconds later, a projectile comprised of compressed plastic made from one of the DVD cases launched out of the booth, striking one of the discs and shattering it. A second projectile followed 1.1 seconds later, striking and shattering the second disc. D-class in testing area treated for light shrapnel wounds.
Note: Okay. Skeet shooting. Noted. Well, looks like the rain's letting up, so back to the roof I go. -Temporary Maintenance Technician Wren
Test 914-1112
Name: Guest Researcher Grizzly
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: One schematic of an Arctic Warfare Magnum bolt-action rifle, one SanDisk 8GB USB containing the .apk files of the 2.0317_299 version of Girls Frontline and the 0.13.0 version of PUBG
Input: Aformentioned items
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One origami model of a shell-shocked Girls Frontline character FN FNC slaughtering individuals from former Site-53, Pittsburgh, one SanDisk 32GB USB containing the following files:
- An e-book (military commentary) titled Tales From the Arctic Front, co-authored by Marianne Calico Elgin and Augusta Steiner, describing the gruesome nature of war during Operation Arctic Warfare. The graphic detail to which army units were abused has warranted bans from the Canadian Remainder Provinces, Belgrade, and fourteen other countries.
- An R-rated action film from 2079, titled The Red Envelopes. It is a fictionalized account of Operation Arctic Warfare, based on the aforementioned book, as well as survivors' recollections, focusing on Commander [REDACTED], Adjutant "Chicago" Thompson, and Echelon 3 Captain FNC.
- The .apk file of a virtual reality first-person shooter video game called United We Fall. The game incorporates features from both games in the input, but has a more somber tone, akin to Call of Duty. An Easter egg could be found in the form of a anti-folk album ostensibly by Emily Mae Winters.
Note: I've taken some spare time to read and watch the first two files, and by God is it harrowing. The book goes into disturbing detail when describing the war zone, and behind the frontlines, there were mass slaughters, concentration camps, all you can think of. The film shows large amounts of sexual, physical, emotional, and mental abuse on poor FNC; and charred bodies, blood, limbs all over the frontlines, and FNC herself acting sadistic against echelon members, like a horror film. No wonder it's rated R. - Grizzly
Test 914-1113
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: One hard-drive containing a copy of the A.N.G.E.R. (Automatic Non-discriminating Gross Energetic Rudeness) prosthetics drive, developed by Rosen.
Input: The above
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 hard drive containing nothing but a text file with an ASCII image of a middle finger. Viewing image induced a memetic effect forcing the viewer to make obscene gestures members of Site administration whenever they encounter them.
Note: Honestly, that seems about right. -Dr. Beiderman
Note: Anyone caught pretending to be exposed to this file as an excuse to ''vent their feelings about management'' will be reassigned to janitorial duty for the coming decade. - Veritas
Test 914-1114
Name: Dr. Klaus Beiderman
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: 2 piece of white chalk, 1 white crayon.
Input: 1 piece of white chalk.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 piece of purple chalk. Exploded in Dr. Beidermans' hands, coating them in purple dust.
Input: 1 piece of white chalk.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 piece of green chalk. Exited booth at speeds of 30 M.P.H., and collided with Beiderman's forehead.
Input: 1 white crayon.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 purple crayon. Testing revealed it to have the ability to create abstract, working objects out of the purple wax of the crayon merely by drawing in the air with it. Crayon wears down as usual.
Note: I am reminded of my favorite book when I was a child, though I cannot remember the name. -Dr. Beiderman
Update: D-Class being used to test item drew a door in the wall, escaped into unknown location/ possible pocket dimension.
Note: It appears 914 lowered my guard using nostalgia. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a D-class to recapture, lest Veritas demand my head on a pike. -Dr. Beiderman
Test 914-1115
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 17/10/2019
Total Items: Four ballpoint pens, five blank notes
Hello, I just got transferred here, after an… incident. Hopefully, this place is a bit calmer than the Site I was last stationed at. I’ve read through some of the previous logs and found that this is kind of a rite of passage in a way. Nearly every new researcher transferring in does this test. - Researcher MacLean
Note: Not all of them survive it. - Junior Researcher Kai
Input: One pen, one note reading: “Hello, it is nice to meet you.”
Setting: 1:1
Output: One note with a crude drawing of a face. The pen is unchanged.
Input: One pen, one note reading: “This has been an interesting experience.”
Setting: Coarse
Output: One piece of paper, with all writing on it sorted by letter and capitalization. One disassembled pen. There are more letters on the paper than on the original note.
Note: Looking at the results of this test, I can’t tell if the extra letters came from the pen, or if the ink of the existing letters are lighter now… - Researcher MacLean
Input: One pen, one note with a scribbled smiley face
Setting: Fine
Output: One detailed drawing of ''Jeff the mug cat'', one empty pen.
Note: … is that a cat with a mug embedded in its spine? - Researcher MacLean
Input: One pen, one note reading: “I hope we can have a mutually beneficial partnership!”, one blank note
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A larger note, with a cognitohazardous symbol which, when tested, was found to cause severe visual and auditory hallucinations, with the effect having a maximum duration of 5 hours. Result incinerated after testing.
Note: Upon seeing the symbol, Researcher MacLean began screaming and writhing on the floor for approximately 30 seconds before falling unconscious, likely due to mental strain. He was found to be otherwise unharmed, and made a full recovery after approximately 4 hours.
Note: Welcome to the team, MacLean. Hope you're happy with the reassignment. - Veritas
Test 914-1116
Name: Researcher Miniwa
Date: 17/10/2019
Total Items: An array of 96 one-gram nuggets, including 62 of platinum, 20 of iridium, and 14 of a iron, cobalt and copper alloy. One health kit from test 914-1040.
Note: A friend sent them them to me, for insertion into SCP-914. Not that many of them, so I'm putting a health kit to see if that "increases" its effects. - Researcher Miniwa
Input: All above items
Setting: Fine
Output: One metal box with the text "Firekill Box" engraved on the cover. When heated to temperatures of greater than 473K, excess thermal energy is absorbed (down to a baseline of 473K) for 1 minute before anomalously being released all at once. Placed in anomalous storage after attempted destruction using the on-Facility incinerator caused massive structural damage.
Note: Who's bright idea was it to put something that says "Firekill" into the incinerator? - JR Kai
Note: Miniwa. Office. Now. - Veritas
Test 914-1117
Name: Junior Researcher McCarthy
Date: 17/10/2019
Total Items: Three white pairs of socks
Input: One white pair of socks.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One white pair of knitted gloves
Input: One white pair of socks.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One green pair of socks
Input: One white pair of socks.
Setting: Fine
Output: Objects appear unchanged, when worn they appear to be completely water-proof and extremely comfortable. Noted to have very low friction, causing balancing difficulties.
Test 914-1118
Name: Researcher Miniwa, Dr. Zavalosa
Date: 17/10/2019
Total Items: One health pack from 914-1040, one [REDACTED] brand pocket watch.
Note: Let's see how it reacts to time-based products. And yes, the pocket watch is broken. The second hand moves ten seconds… every ten seconds, instead of one second every second.- Researcher Miniwa
Input: All Above
Setting: Fine
Output: dentical to input. Box, which, when looked at, causes people to perceive that they have done ten seconds of action (when in reality, they have done nothing)
Note: - Dr. Zavalosa
Test 914-1119
Name: Temporary Mainten Prof. Wren
Note: Dr. Veritas let me off the hook early. Here's hoping I don't screw it up too quickly. - Prof. Wren
Date: 17/10/2019
Total Items: Three DVD box sets
Input: One box set, full series of Game of Thrones.
Setting: Fine
Output: One box set, full series of Game of Thrones (Family Friendly Edition). Analysis of the discs shows each episode has been altered to remove all instances of violence, nudity, vulgarity, and sexual acts; entirety of contents located on first disc. Remaining discs and 94% of first disc are devoid of data. Total run time clocked at 43 minutes, 19 seconds.
Note: Frankly, I'm surprised there was that much PG-rated content. -Prof. Wren
Input: One box set, full series of the Yu-Gi-Oh! GX anime series.
Setting: Fine
Output: A "Duel Disk" from the series made out of the materials of the discs and case. No anomalous properties or technological functionality of any sort noted.
Note: Disappointing. - Prof. Wren
Input: One box set, full series of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The same box set, unaltered. Analysis has determined an anomalous property wherein viewers are left feeling much more positive about themselves and the world around them, with a greatly increased drive to be better in their everyday lives. Digital copies of the episodes have shown to carry the same property, and have been made available to all Foundation personnel.
Note: I think Mr. Rogers would be proud of you on this one, 914. -Prof. Wren
Test 914-1120
Name: Senior Researcher Louis
Date: 17/10/2019
Total Items: Five LIFX A19 Wi-Fi Smart LED Light Bulb, Multicolor (format a19)
Input: One LIFX bulb
Setting: Rough
Output: Bulb disassembled into its constituent parts including the plastic shell, glass for the bulb, LED diodes, and a chip containing what appears to be an 802.11b radio, a small microphone, a DAC, and a flash memory.
Input: One LIFX bulb
Setting: Course
Output: One 60 watt fluorescent light bulb that gives evidence if being previously used. Further testing discovered that it will respond to commands via the Bixby virtual assistant.
Input: One LFX bulb
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Philips Hue Single Premium Smart Bulb also showing signs that it has been pre-used.
Input: 1 LFX bulb
Setting: Fine
Output:1 OLED bulb of undetermined make or manufacturer. The bulb is able to be triggered using thoughts at an 80% success rate from a distance of 150 meters. Line-of-sight not required. No WiFi or any other setup required.)
Note: Does this mean there's a contractor somewhere listening to my thoughts for the purposes of "improving their product?" - Louis
Input: 1 LFX bulb
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A floating, perfectly formed globe made of an unidentified translucent material. The globe follows its "owner" and predicts the sort of lighting conditions its owner wants before the owner even realizes they want a change.
Test 914-1121
Name: Senior Researcher Vivic
Date: 18/10/2019
Total Items: 5kg of gallium-69, 2.3kg of gold-197, 250g of cadmium-112, 500g of carbon-12, 100g of titanium-48, 150g of platinum-195, 10g of beryllium-9, 60g of magnesium-24, 1kg of krypton-84 in a stainless steel canister, 50mg of water in a glass container, 1.2kg of silicone rubber, 7m of rolled carbon nanotubes.
Note: I'm back at it with all the metal ingots to get a certain alloy I need for the blueprints given in Test 914-1027. Unfortunately, the blueprints don't explicitly mention the exact composition of the alloy, so I'm testing my luck again. - Vivic
Input: 1kg of gallium-69 (cooled to 0°C), 500g of gold
Setting: Fine
Output: One ingot of an unknown metal alloy, displaying a higher melting point than both input metals, requiring temperatures of near 800°C to melt. Subsequent microscopic examination of samples revealed unusual decahedral bonding formations between gallium and gold atoms. Alloy concluded to be non-anomalous and disposed of properly.
Note: It doesn't conduct enough electrical, potential nor thaumaturgical resonance to be the alloy I'm looking for. - Vivic
Input: 1kg of gallium-69 (chilled to 10°C), 250g of cadmium-112, 500g of carbon-12
Setting: Fine
Output: One large and fully functional pocketwatch. The needle and frame are made from gallium, with the temperature being anomalously maintained at 10°C, while the internal clockwork components of the pocketwatch are made from a mixture of cadmium and carbon parts. When incineration was attempted, the gallium needle and frame did not melt with the internal components, and have been transferred to anomalous storage pending further research.
Input: 1kg of gallium-69 (chilled to 10°), 100g of gold-197, 4m of rolled carbon nanotubes, 100g of titanium
Setting: Fine
Output: One gallium-coated gold wire wrapped around a titanium spool. The wire is anomalously kept at a constant temperature of 0°C and has shown remarkable tensile strength. It is believed that the carbon nanotubes have been ingrained into the gold wire.
Note: I feel like I'm getting closer with this one, but that I'm just inputting the wrong materials. I know that the base has to be gallium, because it's mentioned on the blueprint. But what else is in the alloy? - Vivic
Input: 1kg of gallium-69 (chilled to 0°C), 500g of gold-197, 60g of magnesium-24, 50mg of water in a glass container
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One ingot of an unknown alloy that immediately beg[DATA CORRUPTED].
Addendum 1: No further information could be gathered as all data logs and clipboard writings show visible corruption after this test.
Addendum 2: It is theorised that the output was a Class-Grey antimemetic hazard/entity that deleted information about itself as it became more unstable. As all information of it was lost during its self-termination, Site-19 Facility-23 is currently suffering a minor temporal shift. No onsite personnel can recall what had transpired within the immediate 5 minutes after the output was created.
Note: Has anyone seen my lab coat? I don't remember taking it off. Why are the Research Cell doors open? I didn't notice anyone leaving? - Vivic
Input: 1kg of gallium-69 (chilled to 10°C), 500g of gold-197, 500g of silicone rubber, 1m of carbon nanotubes
Setting: Fine
Output: One ultra-dense ingot of an unknown alloy displaying exceptionally low electrical resistance, unprecedented tensile strength and flexibility, as well as close to 92% efficiency as a semiconductor. However, the ingot possesses a cognitohazard that prevents any information about it from being written or spoken in numerics; including but not limited to weight, size, mass, tensile strength, electrical resistance, et cetera.
Note: Yes, we cannot express its information in terms of numbers, but we can try to express it in terms of other elements or alloys, right? - Dr. Cleveland
Note: The ingot anomalously reshaped itself into a spearhead immediately after Dr. Cleveland's comment and launched itself at him. Senior Researcher Vivic, who was standing beside Dr. Cleveland, deflected the ingot with his prosthetic arm on reflex, incidentally, into the "Intake" booth of SCP-914 and Junior Researcher Kai began the refining process on "Rough".
Input: Previous output
Setting: Rough
Output: One puddle of various molten materials. Testing was halted temporarily while Senior Researcher Vivic cleaned up the Output booth.
Note: I’m out of ideas if this last one doesn't work. - Vivic
Input: 1kg of gallium-69 (chilled to -10°C), 150g of platinum-195 (heated to 100°C), 2m of carbon nanotubes, 300g of silicone rubber, 200g of gold, 1kg of krypton-84 in a stainless steel canister
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One wire, 2mm in diameter, containing a bundle of 6 smaller wires of an unidentified gold amalgamate. The wire is insulated with silicon rubber and presumably the carbon nanotubes. A thin layer of gallium-krypton alloy covers the wire, giving an additional 0.5mm in diameter. The wire is wrapped around the handle of a stainless steel spool and indented on the scoop of the spoon is ”Thor’s Beard Wire 100K”. The wire is over 6m long and it is unknown where the highly heated platinum went.
Note: I still have leftover material, so I'm going to put it in just out of curiosity. I can't sell them to get my research funds back anyway. - Vivic
Input: 1kg of galium-69 (cooled to 10°C), 500g of silicone rubber, 500g of gold-197, 10g of beryllium-9
Setting: Fine
Output: One coil of teal-coloured wire, measuring 2mm in diameter with over 120 individual gold-beryllium amalgamate wires within it, separated by several micrometres of silicon rubber. Around the outside of the wire is a coating of gallium, however now possessing properties similar to regular insulating material. Preliminary testing has suggested that estimated data transfer limits using the wire exceeds even fibre optic capabilities and will require further research for validation. Text was later found to be imprinted upon the outer layer of gallium, reading ”Gallious Beryllium Wire A44”. The wire is now 3.4m long.
Note: Yes! This is what I needed! Finally, after a whole week of research, the production of my new bionic eye system can begin! Also, a note to Dr. Veritas - I'll be pretty busy working on this project so there will be no need to stress about my testing of SCP-914. - Vivic
Note: Call me a cynic, but I interpret that time as ''silence before the storm''. - Veritas
Test 914-1122
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 18/10/2019
Total Items: One large piece of ceramic plating
Input: Above
Setting: Fine
Output: One 1:1000 scale model of a Tolmekian Airship, a vehicle from the NOTVOTW franchise. Was anomalously capable of flight.
Note: Veritas, can I please keep this? It's really neat. I promise to remove the guns. - Dr. Beiderman
Note: Just incinerate it, and quickly, before it blows someone's head off. - Junior Researcher Pines
Note: Way ahead of you, Pines. - Veritas
Test 914-1123
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 18/10/2019
Total Items: 1 copy of various Foundation personnel files, two of Dr. Cleveland’s file
Note: Some staff were left out of the last test, so consider this Part II. - Researcher Connolly
Input: JR Pines’ file
Setting: Fine
Output: A dossier of the character Joseph Joestar, from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 2. The cover noticeably appears to be covered in purple vines. Produces a cognitohazardous effect causing anyone who reads the file to discover a secret about JR Pines.
Input: R. Rasclon’s file
Setting: Fine
Output: A remarkably detailed drawing of multiple iterations of Researcher Rasclon all striking 914 with various tools.
Note: Is… one of them hitting 914 with a Gauss rifle? - Researcher Connolly
Note: I have reviewed the image. It is, in fact, a railgun. - R. Rasclon
Input: R. Vil’s file
Setting: Fine
Output: A depiction of Researchers Vil and Darby as giants, towering over a burning building bearing the logo of the Foundation.
Input: JR Kai’s file
Setting: Fine
Output: An ink drawing of Sisyphus.
Note: I know 914's outputs are random. But this still scares me. - Junior Researcher Kai
Input: One copy of Dr. Cleveland’s file
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of shredded paper. Depicts a frowning face on the shreds.
Input: One copy of Dr. Cleveland’s file
Setting: Fine
Output: A drawing of a small axe, and a shovel digging a hole. Produced a cognitohazardous effect causing Researcher Connolly to slap himself in the face six times. No other anomalous effects detected.
Note: Point taken, 914. Sorry I’ve been short with you, Dr. Cleveland. - Researcher Connolly
Test 914-1124
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 18/10/2019
Total Items: Three decks of tarot cards
Note: Partially for fun, partially to see if 914's skill at reading the future through tarot is any more accurate than a human's. -Prof. Wren
Input: One deck.
Setting: Fine
Output: A deck of SCP-themed tarot cards, with 4 cards laid out in a row as follows:
-The Hanged Man, inverted (represented by SCP-173)
-The Tower (represented by a view of Site-24)
-Death (represented by SCP-682)
-The Three of Cups, inverted (represented by Dr. King surrounded by three cups filled with apple seeds)
Note: This is a somewhat ominous forecast, pertaining to someone making a decision that results in death and destruction. I place good odds on it being Darby's next test. -Prof. Wren
Input: One deck.
Setting: Fine
Output: A 40-card deck of Yu-Gi-Oh cards themed around the "Arcana Force" archetype, including 13 monster cards and 9 spell cards that do not presently exist in the card game or anime series. Effects of the new cards appear to be based on the abilities of their corresponding "Stands" from the anime series Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders.
Note: Did some playtesting with it after it cleared anomaly screening. Despite the new additions and the potential one-turn-kill through Arcana Force XVII - THE STAR's multiple-attack ability, the deck's still garbage. 2/10 would not play again. -Prof. Wren
Addendum: Also, a bit of trivia for everyone. This is one JoJo reference that actually makes sense: in the Japanese version of the Yu-Gi-Oh GX anime, the character who used the Arcana Force cards was voiced by the same guy who voiced Dio, and one of his best monsters, Arcana Force XXI - THE WORLD, has an ability that skips your opponent's next turn. -Prof. Wren
Note: Thanks for the seeing insight, Wren. Don't know how I could get by before knowing this. - Veritas
Input: One deck.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A tablet made out of compressed paper stock. Atop the tablet is a translucent sphere made out of the laminate used on the cards. An anomalous property has been found where holding the tablet and asking a question will cause them to see a vision pertaining to the answer within the sphere. Answers given have been determined to be 100% accurate, although the vagueness of the answer is proportional to the vagueness of the question.
Note: While the potential for answering things like how we can kill 682 is promising, I must insist we restrict use of this. And not just because it gave a perfectly clear answer when I asked it what I look like naked. Side note: I catch anyone else asking that question, I will be giving a lesson in the meaning of the word "eunuch." -Prof. Wren
Note: I'm inclined to agree with Wren here. While the ability of this item to be used as a Thaumiel is undisputable, what if it turned out to give answers that were wrong, say, 5% of the time? Say that 5% was the time we asked it how to kill 682, and you see the problem. What if it shows you the most likely answer you could come up with? Heavy containment, lots of testing with psychological screening beforehand, and maybe then we can try to use it for good. - R. Rasclon
Note: Given that trying to use anomalous items backfires in gruesome ways most of the time, it's going in storage for now. - Veritas
Test 914-1125
Name: Junior Researcher Pines
Date: 18/10/2019
Total Items: Painting of ''Saturn devouring his son'' by Francisco Goya
Input: Aforementioned item
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Due to SCP 914s history with visual media it was deemed necessary to have a D class observe the painting first. D 2941, a 32-year-old male was brought to the Foundation after killing a man who threatened his 10-year-old child. Subject noted that the painting looked identical to the original but strangely remarking that he quote: ''understood why''. He repeated this statement for 5 minutes before attempting to attack a guard while shouting the phrase ''he must not usurp me'' before being sedated. Studies of his brain activity showed his temporal lobe had been damaged, making him lack empathy. It has been concluded that the painting had a cognitohazardous effect, making the viewer violently seek and attempt to kill their children. All further testing has been suspended by Junior Researcher Pines.
Test 914-1126
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 18/10/2019
Total Items: 1 hard-drive, containing a copy of the ''Samsara'' OS. 1 hard-drive containing a .txt file with random alphanumeric characters. 1 hard-drive, blank.
Input: 1 hard-drive, containing a copy of Samsara OS.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 hard-drive, containing an operating system called dad.os. Plugged into a computer which had been disconnected from Foundation servers. Overwrote scp.OS. Computers' "Shift" and "Caps Lock" keys no longer work. The desktop background became a picture of a hamster.
Input: 1 hard-drive, containing a .txt file with random alphanumeric characters.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 hard-drive, containing a .txt file with random alphanumeric characters. Alphabetical characters had been replaced with American radio codewords starting with the letter.
Input: 1 hard-drive, blank.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 hard-drive, blank containing a pattern screamer. Discovered when it was realized that several roles considered integral to standard operating procedures had no assigned personnel. At least three theoretical researchers and members of Site security may have been conceptually erased.
Test 914-1127
Name: Psychological Specialist Insano
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: One Rorschach-test inkblot card (blindly selected at random), one photo of Psychological Specialist Insano
Input: Above
Setting: Fine
Output: One larger sheet of paper, determined to be a blend of cardstock and photo paper, depicting a partial-color image of a gear surrounding a human brain
Note: I have been granted permission to study the way 914 interacts with its operators, as well as the possibility that it may be able to think. This result seems to indicate that it somehow understands what I am attempting to do. The gear likely represents 914 itself, and the brain intelligence - though who's intelligence it is is up for debate. To ensure it didn't simply reproduce what I see on the card, the card was chosen at random, and the photo was added to give it something else to "consider". And yes, I'm aware of the irony with my name. It's a coincidence, I assure you. - Psychological Specialist Insano
Note: Trust me, I understand the concept of ironic names. Just take a look at my office. - Junior Researcher Pines
Note: Hey doc, why did 914 make a picture of a ghost chasing me? - Researcher Connolly
Note: Hey doc, I think someone's been stealing leaves from my kat plant. Can you check everyone to see if anyone is currently under the influence of… paper-based stimulants? - Junior Researcher Kai
Test 914-1128
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: One calculator, one origami rhinoceros beetle, one 7m × 1m bolt of cotton cloth
Input: One calculator
Setting: Fine
Output: One device that does not resemble a calculator. Contains a cognitohazard that causes affected personnel to constantly draw parallels with calculators, but does not resemble similar cognitohazards that affect calculators. The effect lasted up to an hour for Junior Researcher Kai, resembling the time one spends using a calculator during a Mathematics examination.
Note: Annoying, just like this calculator I am going to incinerate. - JR Kai
Input: One origami beetle
Setting: 1:1
Output: One origami stag beetle that does not resemble a calculator. Determined to be affected by the same cognitohazard created in the previous test.
Note: I'm going to take an amnestic that doesn't look like a calculator. Be back in a while. - JR Kai
Input: One 7m × 1m bolt of cloth
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One cotton robe of impossibly high quality, with the inputted cotton threads having been separated into strands thousands of times finer than hair and being woven together into an extremely dense fabric.
Test 914-1129
Name: Dr. Noel Cahill
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: Three 100mL jars of chocolate obtained from Unexplained Location UE-892000
Note: I've gotten permission from Director Hackett to try refining some of the chocolate from those bees we have at the parking lot. - Dr. Cahill
Input: One jar of chocolate
Setting: 1:1
Output: One jar of honey
Note: It appears that SCP-914 is either aware that the chocolate is produced by anomalous bees and made the connection, or it just thinks that honey is an equivalent exchange for chocolate. - Dr. Cahill
Input: One jar of chocolate
Setting: Fine
Note: Test was conducted by a randomly-selected D-class who was unaware of the origins of the chocolate.
Output: One seemingly unchanged jar of chocolate. Testing on D-class personnel reveals that the chocolate anomalously induces an allergy to bee venom after consumption.
Note: Oddly specific, 914. - Dr. Cahill
Input: One jar of chocolate
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One bee made of anomalously solid chocolate with a serrated sting made of glass from the inputted jar. It attempted to attack D-class personnel who opened the Output booth, creating minor lacerations on his arms when he tried to cover his head.
Note: Nice reflexes, sir. - Dr. Cahill
Note: The anomalous output was neutralized by Dr. Veritas. Single-handedly. I'm not sure whether to be impressed with or scared by Lucius' skill with a flyswatter. - Hackett
Note: I'd go with both, sir. -Prof. Wren
Note: Was there really a need to swat it towards me? Now I need a change of clothes. - JR Kai
Test 914-1130
Name: Junior Researcher Kai, Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: Three RSh-12 revolvers, not loaded
Note: The hand cannon Grizelle got the last time was interesting. Hopefully, given more material to work with this time, 914 might create something even better. - JR Kai
Input: All above
Setting: Fine
Output: One 12.7×55mm Subsonic (STs-130PT) cartridge, on a scale of 37.3:1. As it is obviously nonfunctional, it has cleared anomalous testing and currently rests in a glass box on Weapon Researcher Markham's desk.
Test 914-1131
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: One hard-drive containing a copy of the S.O.I.B.O.I. (Soft Online Interface Service Originating Internally) prosthetics drive, developed by Rosen.
Input: The above.
Setting: Fine
Output: One hard-drive containing a bitmap image of a tree. Viewing this image induces introspection in viewers. Bitmap image printed out, one copy currently hangs in 914 testing chamber next to a plaque reading "Is this test really a good idea?". Additional copies are available upon request.
Note: Can I please keep the hard-drive? -Dr. Beiderman
Note: Yes. Without trying to sound too optimistic, you might have improved workplace safety by a lot. - Veritas
Test 914-1132
Name: Intern Roman
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: One plastic crown, painted with faux gold
Note: It's the anniversary of a series near and dear to my heart today. I thought I might do something to celebrate. - Intern Roman
Input: The aforementioned crown.
Setting: Fine
Output: One small plastic statuette of the character Roman from Sanders Sides. The gold paint is visible on the places where gold would be on his outfit. The remaining paint and plastic are in small piles beside it. Determined to be non-anomalous and given to Intern Roman at his request.
Test 914-1133
Name: Junior Researcher Grizzly
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: Five copies of The Turner Diaries, 1978 first edition
Note: I got permission to go off-site last Thursday, and stayed at Key Largo for the weekend. Somehow, I managed to find six copies of this notorious novel at a thrift shop of all places. If anyone desperately needs a bad read, or for experiments, it's on my desk. - Grizzly
Input: One copy of The Turner Diaries
Setting: Rough
Output: Torn up pieces of paper, a puddle of ink
Input: One copy of The Turner Diaries
Setting: Coarse
Output: 84 pieces of white paper, 22 pieces of black paper, 2 pieces of red paper. All 108 are printed with either "National Alliance, est. 1974", or "Hillsboro, WV".
Note: Predictable so far. It is published by that white nationalist organization. - Grizzly
Input: One copy of The Turner Diaries
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung, 1966 bilingual edition.
Note: Pierce equates to Mao. 914 is definitely satirical on this. - Grizzly
Input: One copy of The Turner Diaries
Setting: Fine
Output: One copy of The Education of Little Tree. Apart from the front and back covers, which is colored red instead of orange, it shows no deviation in content from the 1976 first edition by Asa Earl "Forrest" Carter.
Note: Both men were white supremacists for sure, but from what I see, Carter is probably the "better" of the two. A nice read to be honest, but I won't recommend it. - Grizzly
Input: One copy of The Turner Diaries
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A 400-page book, titled, What If. The contents are blank. Whenever a person opens the book for more than fifteen seconds, the full content of a random alternate history novel would appear. Said content disappears if left idle for exactly 1978 seconds.
Note: So far we have Guns of the South, 11/22/63, The Two Georges, Festung Europa: The Anglo-American/Nazi War, some unfinished or abandoned stories in their completed form, and novels that do not exist in any known media outside the Foundation (and in one case, The Grasshopper Lies Heavy, not even known to exist in the Foundation). - Grizzly
Test 914-1134
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: One Boring Company Flamethrower, one empty can of spraypaint, three sets of keys
Note: We had a Boring Company Flamethrower just lying around? It's got to be worth at least $5000 now. - JR Kai
Note: The flamethrower Junior Researcher Kai acquired from the Lost & Found Corner was a model.
Input: All items above
Setting: Fine
Output: One model flamethrower resembling the Flame Thrower from the game "Team Fortress 2". Has been modified to be a live weapon when a propane canister is inserted into a hollow slot located below the weapon. A pilot light, inextinguishable by all means, burns at the tip of the barrel.
Note: Now that's what I call an upgrade. - JR Kai
Note: Nice try. Preemptively placed into Anomalous Storage. - Dr. Cahill
Note: I guess we can say Kai's dreams for this went up in smoke? - Prof. Wren
Note: A shame we're not allowed to test if Random Crits are possible, just like in the game. - Researcher Miniwa
Note: Miniwa is now banned from accessing Anomalous Storage without supervision from personnel with Level 4 clearance. - Dr. Cahill
Note: That's a little too much from you, Cahill. - Dr. Cleveland
Note: You do your job, I'll do mine. And mine is making sure no one burns down this Facility because they wanted to see a Critical hit happen outside of a game. Honestly though, do you think glowing red text will float in mid-air? - Dr. Cahill
Note: With Cahill on this one. - Veritas
Test 914-1135
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: Two 500-Watt industrial lasers, 1kg of steel, two hand-cranked dynamos, two focusing lenses
Note: I got a memo from WR&D, requesting that I refine these materials, as they’re currently developing laser-based weapons. I felt inclined to deny it, but they’re taking full responsibility for any incidents. -Researcher MacLean
Note: How gracious of them to leave us with the cleanup though. I sent them a friendly memo. - Veritas
Input: One laser, 0.5kg of steel, one dynamo, one lens
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One sphere-shaped object covered in small glass lenses, with a wind-up key embedded in the bottom. After the key is wound, and the object placed on the ground, the object will begin rotating at over 500 RPM, and emit high powered lasers through the lenses. Vivisected multiple on-site testing D-class and subsequently deactivated. Object placed in storage.
Note: So, a ''Death-co ball''. Interesting, but I doubt that’s what they’re looking for. - Researcher MacLean
Input: One laser, 0.5kg of steel, one dynamo, one lens
Setting: Very Fine
Output: What appears to be a “Retro-Futuristic Ray-Gun” styled after the steampunk genre. The gun is capable of firing a maximum of 4 high powered beams capable of piercing through a foot of hardened steel, and appears to use a piston style mechanism to recharge. The use of the recharging mechanism requires approximately 400 newtons of force to cycle once (for a single shot). The recoil for one shot was powerful enough to dislocate D-12365's arms. It is for these reasons considered impractical for field use. The object has been transferred to the Weapons Research and Development Department for study.
Note: I got to test the thing, and while it's powerful, it’s bulky and kicks like a mule. - Researcher MacLean
Test 914-1136
Name: Senior Researcher Vil
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: Five sketches of personnel working in Site-19 Facility-23.
Note: Just got my promotion and will proceed with my second part of the art experiment. Same thing as in Test 914-1110. - Vil
Input: One full-body sketch of Junior Researcher Grizzly wearing a lab coat
Setting: Fine
Output: One full-body "chibi" sketch of Researcher Grizzly wearing a typical school uniform.
Input: One full-body sketch of Researcher Laskenta wearing a leather jacket
Setting: Fine
Output: One full-body "chibi" sketch of Researcher Laskenta wearing a Russian military uniform and carrying an AK-47
Item: One full-body sketch of Researcher Jane Cho wearing a lab coat
Setting: Fine
Output: One full-body "chibi" sketch of Researcher Jane Cho wearing a Hazmat suit
Input: One full-body sketch of Senior Researcher Vil wearing a lab coat.
Setting: Fine Very Fine
Output: One sketch of Senior Researcher Vil wearing a police uniform while piloting a helicopter.
Input: One full-body sketch of Dr. Noel Cahill wearing a lab coat
Setting: Fine
Output: One animate full-body sketch of Dr. Noel Cahill dancing
Test 914-1137
Name: Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: One disassembled Heckler & Koch UMP45 submachine gun, magazines of the UMP40 and UMP9 submachine guns
Input: One H&K UMP45, sans the magazine
Setting: Fine
Output: One H&K MP5A2 submachine gun. Due to the input mass, the output MP5 is slightly lighter than standard by 0.04 kg. It is, however, operable like normal guns of its type.
Note: While it is not anomalous, that missing 40 grams led to the stock having a corner being chipped off. - WR Markham
Input: Magazines
Setting: Fine
Output: 83 replica bullets, all of which are 4.73×33mm caseless ammunition. Three of them launched at WR Markham's choker, and attached to it.
Note: I don't even know why it had to be of the G11 prototype assault rifle. On another note, because of the replicas, I got rid of the choker that left me headless for a while. Gives you some perspective when you have to hold your head under your arm. - WR Markham
Test 914-1138
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: 4 undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implants, formerly belonging to Samsara. 1 damaged Class 19-T Ocular implant, formerly belonging to Samsara.
Note: We're in the middle of refitting Samsara with the new Class 22-V model implants, meaning I have some older ones sitting around. I'm particularly interested in seeing how it deals with machinery that has a history of frequent encounters with anomalies. -Dr. Beiderman
Input: 1 undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Setting: Rough
Output: Implant separated into sections. Metal components melted into slag. Electrical components frayed and torn.
Input: 1 undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Implant covered in scratches and divots. Metal components match those of a Class 18-X Occular implant. Electrical components severely degraded.
Input: One undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 Ocular implant of unknown make. Metal and electrical components have same overall weight as those of input. It is covered in several markings indicating it as an object of Maxwellist origin.
Input: One undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Setting: Fine
Output: One Class 16-R Ocular implant. Several extra components scattered around the booth.
Note: I agree with 914. The newer implants are fragile pieces of shit that look nice. The older ones were sturdy, well made, and functional. They didn't shatter the first time you took a hit to the face. - Dr. Beiderman
Input: One damaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Note: I'm looking forward to this test. This implant was used during the exploration of Site 13. -Dr. Beiderman
Setting: Very fine
Output: One metallic figurine resembling an emaciated SCP-993. One metallic figurine resembling the Thresher device. One metallic figurine resembling a multiple armed and legged creature covered in strange markings. All non-anomalous.
These are going on my desk. They're so intricate and well made! - Dr. Beiderman
Test 914-1139
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: Four undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implants, formerly belonging to Samsara. One damaged Class 19-T Ocular implant, formerly belonging to Samsara.
Input: One undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Setting: Rough
Output: A fine powder.
Input: One undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small pile of molten slag.
Input: One undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A hearing aid. Because of materials used in construction, unsafe to put in the ear. Non-anomalous. Object incinerated.
Input: One undamaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Setting: Fine
Output: A strange clockwork object. Continually emitted a ticking sound. Non-anomalous. Object incinerated.
Input: One damaged Class 19-T Ocular implant.
Note: This implant was damaged when it attempted to filter out an extremely potent audio hazard. -Dr. Beiderman
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small metallic Sculpture of a human ear. When in contact with bare skin, a subject becomes temporarily deaf. One Gordian knot made out of electrical wires.
Note: Huh. If you can't filter out one specific sound, filter out all sounds. An effective solution. I was expecting 914 to improve it in some weird convoluted way, but it took the simplest route. - Dr. Beiderman
Test 914-1140
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: 1 Class 21-C hip-mounted turret, formerly attached to a member of Samsara. Unloaded.
Input: The above.
Setting: Fine
Output: A large metal weapon, superficially resembling a hip-mounted turret. The screws are compatible with the samsara standard-issue torso shoulder module. Fires a beam of light. Works in a manner similar to a laser cutter. Non-anomalous, definitely within the Foundations capacity to build.
Test 914-1141
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: 1 Beta humanoid faceplate, found in storage.
Note: The Beta Faceplate was created before it was standard to grow facial tissue out of samples taken from the donor. These were meant to look realistic, but due to the time period, they were made out of a rubber/polymer mixture. -Dr. Beiderman
Input: The above.
Setting: Fine
Output: A puddle of liquid. When D-Class was sent to mop it into a bucket for testing, it attached itself to his face. Testing proved that the D-Class could consciously manipulate his facial features to a degree that could even fool optical scanners. Class-D returned to holding cell. The object eventually melted off of their face and lost all anomalous effects.
Note: Please incinerate that as quickly as possible, I don't care if it's non-anomalous. - Junior Researcher Pines
Test 914-1142
Name: Junior Researcher Pines
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: 1 standard newsboy cap
Input: Aforementioned item
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Visually identical, but has the touch and consistency to that of a vinyl record. When played the cap will play the song, “Red Right Hand,” by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds. When worn the cap makes the wearer crave a cigarette, and wearing for longer than an hour will give the wearer symptoms of tobacco addiction.
Test 914-1143
Name: Researcher Boston
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: One list of numbers from 1 to 4800, in a 64 by 75 grid.
Note: I was instructed to place this list by a Dr. [REDACTED]. She told me to not ask why, she oversaw me for the duration of this experiment, and she will deny involvement. - Researcher Boston
Input: See Above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An altered list of numbers. 184 is placed at the first position, while the original spots for 184, 48, 2439, 2508, 2557, and 3309 are replaced by letters "OBG", "CGG", "CKO", "TSK", "WMDD", and "TDM" respectively. Many other numbers are stricken through, including, but not limited to [REDACTED - 5/914, 5/2000, 5/3455, AND 5/4800 CLEARANCE NEEDED]. The list features signatures by 65 people, all of which are confirmed to be living current or former O5 members and Administrators. Due to a possible security breach, Researcher Boston has been administered three doses of Class-A amnestics.
Test 914-1144
Name: Senior Researcher Vil
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: Five empty canvases
Note: I'll be investing all of my research into anart, and study it. - Vil
Input: One empty canvas
Setting: Rough
Output: A block of wood.
Input: One empty canvas
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small wooden signboard
Input: One empty canvas
Setting: 1:1
Output: Item unchanged.
Input: One empty canvas
Setting: Fine
Output: Item now has anomalous properties and has the ability to erase all traces of paint by pressing the "erase" button located on the side of the canvass
Input: One empty canvas
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One cork board
Note: Dr. Veritas, I would like to have permission to keep the empty canvas which has the anomalous property, I'll be using it in anart research. And also permission to hang the cork board in the break room. -Vil
Note: Vil, we use D-Class to experiment on, not our own colleagues. You got this notice on day one. - Veritas
Test 914-1145
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 21/10/2019
Total Items: Seven photos of 914 research personnel
Input: A photo of Research Assistant Walker in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of R. A. Walker as the Mayor of Austin, Texas. The population of Austin, updated every hour, is shown in the lower right-hand corner.
Input: A photo of Dr. Cleveland in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of Dr. Cleveland as the quarterback of the Nashville Titans.
Note: When I told Vil that I loved football, I meant soccer, not American / gridiron football. Still, a nice touch. - Dr. Cleveland
Input: A photo of Senior Researcher Vil in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of SR Vil and Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte negotiating on operations of MTF teams in the Philippines. A note behind the photo indicated that the ☽☽☽ Initiative accidentally broke the ongoing veiled Masquerade by neutralizing SCP-1427.
Input: A photo of Junior Researcher Grizzly in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of JR Grizzly and several unidentified women fighting a criminal organization based in Salt Lake City, Utah. A Deseret flag is seen in the background. The photo is dated 08/02/2065.
Note: I don't know if I'll be alive 46 years from now. For now, it's all speculation. - Dr. Cleveland
Input: A photo of Researcher Connolly in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of Researcher Connolly enjoying a vacation in Hamilton, Ontario.
Input: A photo of Dr. Veritas in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of Dr. Veritas as a father to all active researchers except Dr. Beiderman (depicted as his younger brother). Researcher Darby is depicted sitting on Dr. Veritas' shoulders.
Note: I have to agree with 914 on this one. Veritas does have the feel of a father figure to most researchers. But why is Darby the one sitting on Veritas though? - Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-1146
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 22/10/2019
Total Items: One 19-T Sensory implant. An experimental module from the 19-T series never put into use. It was intended to allow patients to feel texture and temperature. However, it proved impossible to do this without allowing them to also feel pain. Pulled out of storage.
Input: One 19-T Sensory implant.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One "Spinal Knot" CI implant.
A device we often find on CI corpses. Attaches directly to the nerve center. Designed to suppress pain, allowing CI agents to continue fighting with even the most debilitating injuries. Security forces call it the Spinal Knot. -Dr. Beiderman
Test 914-1147
Name: Junior Researcher Pines
Date: 22/10/2019
Total Items: One transcript of a conversation between Junior Researcher Pines, Researcher Miniwa and Psychologist Insano discussing the anime series,¨JoJos Bizzare Adventure¨
Input: Above item
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Item was visually identical to the input but with the recorded temperature being 37 degrees Celsius (100 degrees Fahrenheit). Subjects who read the transcript for more than 5 mins will experience agitation and frustration towards anyone around them. Subjects who read the entire transcript will experience extreme levels of stress, anger, and confusion and develop an extreme headache. All anomalous symptoms will end 15 mins after reading the transcript.
How is this in any way conducive to actual work?- Dr. Beiderman
Test 914-1148
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 23/10/2019
Total Items: 2kg of assorted of electronics and motors, 3kg of assorted gears and mechanical components of various sizes
Note: I’m still moving in, and I found a lot of stuff that would make interesting inputs. This is from a box reading: In case of breach, throw at object. Can’t remember why, or what object, but I doubt it matters. - Researcher MacLean
Input: 1kg of various gears, drive belts, motors and circuit boards
Setting: Coarse
Output: Piles of assorted materials, divided into silicon, plastic, various cubes of pure metals, carbon, ceramic and a small amount of cloth
Input: 1kg of various gears, drive belts, motors and circuit boards
Setting: Fine
Output: One typewriter. The typewriter has a keyboard akin to a computer keyboard, with a number pad and and modifier keys. The keys when used, function identically to their computer counterparts. (Using Ctrl + Z deletes the previous set of words typed via an unknown mechanism, Ctrl + C copies a set of words chosen using the arrow keys, and Ctrl + V inserts the copied words.) Placed into storage.
Input: 1kg of various gears, drive belts, motors and circuit boards
Setting: Fine
Output: One pendulum clock. The face is composed of moving clockwork, powered using a motor and circuit. The pendulum appears to crank a generator, powering the entire mechanism. The pendulum has not visibly slowed down since its creation.
Note: Permission to keep this? - Researcher MacLean
Note: Get it past anomalous screening first. -Veritas
Input: 2kg of various gears, drive belts, motors and circuit boards
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One typewriter, similar in appearance to the one produced previously. Orders typed into the paper with the typewriter have a cognitohazardous effect of making whoever reads it, with the exception of the typer, attempt to follow whatever command is written to the best of their ability. The effect dissipates after the task is completed, or after 30 minutes of failed attempts. The subjects are unaware that anything unusual is happening, and if questioned, will respond as if their actions are a regular occurrence. Object has been transferred to the Memetics and Infohazards Division for study.
Note: I found out about the effects after I made a D-Class do a back-flip on accident. Poor guy broke his neck. - Researcher MacLean
Test 914-1149
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 23/10/2019
Total Items: Three Class 19-T Infohazard chips.
Note: These little guys wire directly into the brain. They help filter words and other infohazard triggers out of pieces of text. - Dr. Beiderman
Input: One of the above.
Setting: 1:1
Output: [INFOHAZARD REMOVED]
Input: One of the above.
Setting: Fine
Output: An unknown chip, configured for insertion into a computer. Upon testing, discovered to be a "Booster Seat" class internet image filter program. Non-anomalous.
Input: One of the above.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A device with a small trigger. When pressed, all redactions over hazardous text inside documents within a 100 meter radius were erased via anomalous means. Casualty count still being calculated. Estimated in the dozens.
Note: Well then. I'm putting a halt on testing of Samsara tech until this gets sorted out. -Dr. Beiderman
Note: I just now stopped bleeding from the eyes after that. Try it again and my response will involve an inversely-held Stratocaster and your neck. -Prof. Wren
Note: Since only D-Class personnel was lethally affected (so far), termination is withheld as of now. Hackett and I are currently deliberating disciplinary action, and I suspect that Beiderman will have preferred termination once we come to a conclusion. - Veritas
Test 914-1150
Note: The following test was not authorized. Dr. Powell forced his way into the testing area, looking panicked. Site officials were notified that MTF Iota-10 was en route for related reasons.
Name: Dr. Julian Powell
Date: 23/10/2019
Total Items: One laptop
Input: The laptop.
Setting: Rough
Note: Security restrained Dr. Powell shortly after 914 was activated. Dr. Powell offered no resistance, expressing elation on how "nobody can prove anything now anyway."
Output: All laptop parts, neatly laid out in order of size. All parts, including the hard drive, were intact.
Note: What!? You said this machine destroys things when put in on this setting! -Dr. Powell
Note: The laptop was reassembled, which is noted to have been extremely effortless. An examination of the laptop revealed that Dr. Powell was involved in a human trafficking deal with government officials in ███████, and had kept details of all his dealings on the laptop, as well as numerous images of [DATA EXPUNGED].
Note: 7 minutes after Dr. Powell was taken into custody and after reassembly, the following email arrived on the laptop:
FROM: ☽☽☽
SUBJECT LINE: SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS - [COORDINATES REDACTED] 1
I never miss my mark. Surrender to your superiors and you may live. Final warning.
[MESSAGE REPEATED IN MULTIPLE LANGUAGES]
Note: 11 minutes after being taken into custody and after reassembly, Dr. Powell managed to escape from security. He spent the next 3 minutes eluding capture before Security Chief Sedna incapacitated him. Termination request has been approved.
Note: After termination, another email was received.
FROM: ☽☽☽
SUBJECT LINE: SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS - [COORDINATES REDACTED] 1
☽☽☽ is victorious. Julian Powell successfully terminated 23/10/2019. Payment Due for Services Rendered: Send rescue team to 37°███████N 122°███████W with medical personnel immediately. Let the children know that ☽☽☽ will always watch over them, and that ☽☽☽ will always love them.
[MESSAGE REPEATED IN MULTIPLE LANGUAGES]
Note: MTF Iota-10 was called off of its pursuit of Dr. Powell and redirected to the designated coordinates, located in Marin County, California. A medical response team was additionally dispatched to said location. 322 civilians from ███████ Region, █████, all ethnic █████ females under the age of 14, were rescued. See document T-88073-Epsilon/2578 for full report of the incident.
Note: Security bug was weeded out by Rosen. Dr. Powell's remains have been incinerated. Any researcher found to have been engaging in such repulsively illegal acts against humanity will be preemptively terminated without exception. Testing is suspended for the day. - Dr. Veritas
Note: The O5 Council has been notified of this incident. - Dr. Hackett
Test 914-1151
Name: Researcher Miniwa
Date: 24/10/2019
Total Items: Two 50mL canisters of red hair dye, two 50mL canisters of blue hair dye, two 50mL canisters of green hair dye, two 50mL canisters of yellow hair dye
Input: One canister of each color of hair dye
Setting: 1:1
Output: One canister of "914-brand Hair Dye Remover" that causes hair dye to vanish when applied.
Input: One canister of each color of hair dye
Setting: Fine
Output: One canister of "914-brand Rainbow Hair Dye". There are 4 slots on the canister labelled for inputs - red, green, blue, and yellow hair dyes. When all four inputs have the correct color of hair dye within them, the canister will become usable. The hair dye produced anomalously switches colors between the four colors, creating an effect similar to changing the "hue" slider in image-editing software. Said "rainbow" hair dye vanishes after 1 hour, and 1 mL of rainbow hair dye has been shown to correlate to 1 mL each of red, green, blue, and yellow hair dye.
Note: So the dye cleared anomalous testing and I just tried it… it feels rather heavy on my hair. Must have been the individual dyes having been anomalously fused together to create the rainbow effect. - JR Kai
Test 914-1152
Name: Junior Researcher Pines
Date: 24/10/2019
Total Items: A framed painting of ¨Starry Night¨ by Vincent Van Gogh
Input: Above item
Setting: Very Fine
Output: After the incident with the last painting tested, D-class personnel was again used for the first viewing. The D-class reported the painting being visually identical and said he felt nothing unusual. No changes for 15 minutes. The D-class was led out of the testing room and was kept under heavy surveillance. After 3 days, it was reported that the D-class, who had been diagnosed with clinical depression 2 weeks prior, seemed much happier and content with his life. Junior Researcher Pines decided then to test the painting on himself and felt no effects until the next day, where he reported feeling extremely satisfied with his life choices and at peace with his current position. Pines has requested to hang this in the personnel breakroom to improve morale.
Note: Denied. Pines and the D-Class are under psychological treatment temporarily, as it was found that five days after exposure, the mood of the viewer relapses dramatically due to exhaustion of dopamine production, similar to drug addiction rebound. Additional exposure to the painting was requested and denied. Placed in anomalous storage. - Veritas
Test 914-1153
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 24/10/2019
Total Items: Seven photos of 914 research personnel, one map of southern Arabian Peninsula
Input: A photo of Researcher Rasclon in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of three people of the same appearance as R. Rasclon in nightgowns, having a party in Rosarito Beach, Baja California.
Note: Still three Rasclons… I have to wonder. - Dr. Cleveland
Note: I find it slightly ominous how common it has become lately to have my name said in plural. - R. Rasclon
Input: A photo of Weapons Researcher Markham in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of WR Markham wearing a biker suit, standing next to a pitch-black motorcycle. Her head, detached, is on her left hand.
Input: A photo of Assistant Researcher King in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of AR King and Dr. King playing billiards in a clubhouse in Newcastle, New South Wales. Near Dr. King is a bottle of apple cider.
Note: Random, yet mildly interesting. - Dr. Cleveland
Input: A photo of Researcher MacLean in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of SCP-053, Researcher Maclean, and Dr. Kondraki riding SCP-682 in the Elko Mountains of Nevada. Researcher Maclean is visibly terrified, with a single tear coming out of his eye.
Note: Downright impossible. Yet it just felt authentic enough to work. Is it a reference to their histories with 682? - Dr. Cleveland
Input: A photo of Intern Snevets in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of Intern Snevets in a SWAT uniform. Several similarly dressed men are visible. While unclear, the background is confirmed to be in New Orleans.
Note: I remember that Vil got a similar result with Snevets. Coincidence? - Dr. Cleveland
Note: Seriously, this makes no sense. With my build, I doubt I could control the recoil from a handgun. If anyone else has any idea why it's doing this, please let me know, because I'm stumped. - Intern Snevets
Input: A photo of Prof. Wren in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: What appears to be an album cover, with the words "Healing Springs" and "Willexia" in a handwriting font. Touching it for more than fifteen seconds causes a cognitohazardous effect where the person stands still for thirty seconds, while the entire thirty-minute album is played.
Note: Every second, sixty seconds of music pass through my ears. Eerie experience, but Wren's singing voice is just so full of soul. - Dr. Cleveland
Note: Wouldn't be my first genre choice, but I have to admit, I like it. Might have to record a few of these for real. - Prof. Wren
Input: A photo of Dr. Beiderman in a lab coat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of Dr. Beiderman having an all-day breakfast while watching sunrise in a high floor apartment in Bellevue, Washington. At the back is a note reading "Stay Young, Stay Simple, Stay Naive", a portmanteau of the Steve Jobs quote "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish", and the Jiang Zemin quote "Too Young, Too Simple, Sometimes Naive".
Input: Map of Southern Arabia, dated 2015 (just before the Yemeni Civil War)
Setting: Fine
Output: A map of Southern Arabia with heavily altered borders. The main differences are as follows:
- Yemen is split into four: North Yemen (controlling parts of three regions in southwestern Saudi Arabia), the Free State of Aden, Saudi-administered governorates of Hadramaut and Shabwah, and a reconstituted Mahra Sultanate (encompassing Al Mahrah Governorate and Socrota, Yemen, and Dhofar Governorate, Oman).
- The United Arab Emirates (including its territorial disputes with Saudi Arabia), Qatar, Bahrain, and the three northernmost governorates of Oman are amalgamated into the Federation of Arab-Indian Republics (FAIR).
- Oman, despite retaining Muscat, is heavily reduced in size, and rendered a protectorate of the FAIR.
- Kuwait controls all of Dammam and eight of eleven governorates in Eastern Province, Saudi Arabia, as well as all of Al-Ahsa Governorate north of the 25th parallel north.
Test 914-1154
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 24/10/2019
Total Items: 5 copies of the 5th edition Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
Input: One DSM-5 copy
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of ashes. Remains consistent with that of input.
Input: One DSM-5 copy
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same manual, but with the pages now out of order.
Input: One DSM-5 copy
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of the 56th edition of the Current Medical Diagnostic and Treatment Manual.
Input: One DSM-5 copy
Setting: Fine
Output: A copy of the DSM-8, dated 2047. The language the text does not correspond to any written languages consistently.
Note: Upon further investigation, it appears to be some kind of awful three-way hybrid of Newspeak, common colloquial English, and emojis. God help us all. - Researcher Connolly
Note: So far, we've also found some Esperanto, Interlingua, Vötgil (somehow), and a PDF scanning of the book yields at least 3 versions of the "Hello World" script in Whitespace. - R. Rasclon
Input: One DSM-5 copy
Setting: Very Fine
Output: it was sealed away it was lost it was forgotten someone please kill me before it does A large pile of ash. On top of the ash is a single 8.5x11 page, bearing a Rorschach inkblot. Produces a cognitohazardous effect causing the viewer to perceive their deepest psychological fear, even if the viewer is not consciously aware of said fear.
Addendum: Upon viewing the image, Researcher Connolly began exhibiting signs of a panic attack before screaming and fleeing the room in apparent terror. Researcher Connolly was later found outside the medbay, screaming either to be killed or amnesticized, quote, “whichever makes me forget sooner”. Sedated by Dr. Veritas and restrained. Currently under psychiatric care.
Note: I was granted clearance to view the item. The ink rearranged into the cover page of a medical school examination in an outdated style. Make of that what you will. -Dr. Insano, Psychological Specialist
Note: I caught a glance and got a ball of needles. Like the ones used for shots. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a juice box and some stale mini hard pretzels. - Intern Lunar
Note: What I saw was not anything, but the very concept of fear itself. Not a nice sight for anyone and everyone. I'll have a few donuts and some cider at the cafeteria. - JR Grizzly
Note: I need a drink. - Researcher MacLean
Note: I have a pretty good idea of what I'll see when I view this inkblot. Item incinerated. - Dr. Zavalosa
Test 914-1155
Name: Junior Researcher Pines
Date: 24/10/2019
Total Items: Two quartz busts of Willian Shakespeare
Input: One bust
Setting: Coarse
Output: A bust of Leonardo Decaprio taken from the 1996 film ''Romeo, and Juliet''. With the inscription at the bottom stating, ''The greats must start at the bottom''. The the bust is now on Junior Researchers Pines' desk in his office.
Input: One bust
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A bust of Christopher Marlow, sculpted wearing Shakespeare's clothes. The description was written in unknown symbols and characters which after around 5 seconds of viewing, will transform into the viewers' native language. This process is identical to that of the extradimensional city of Alagadda. The text after translated states, ''fain welcome thee back into the Night''. The bust exhibits no other anomalous features but has the reported odor of ''old books''.The bust has been put into anomalous storage until further notice.
Test 914-1156
Name: Guest Junior Technical Writer Bradley, D-967124
Date: 25/10/2019
Total items: 100 500-mL test tubes, one 3-meter plastic hose, 1.5 kg of titanium, 1 standard car battery, total 20 L of assorted medicinal drugs, 1L of human blood, 1L of human urine, 1 ham, cheese, and lettuce sandwich
Note: With all the injuries people have been suffering around here, I've decided that it would be prudent to provide the medical staff with a means to quickly treat life-threatening wounds, preferably without having to get very close to the patient or devote a lot of attention to performing the treatment, in case whatever injured the patient is still lurking about and still hostile. Luckily, I've heard of a device which can do exactly that. Still, I'm having a D-Class retrieve the output just in case it turns out to be hazardous. - Bradley
Input: The above-mentioned items.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A metallic hose-like contraption vaguely resembling a lamprey. When the output booth was opened, it immediately lunged at D-967124 and latched on to his head, swallowing the head completely and clamping its "jaws" around his neck. D-967124 attempted to pry the output off in a fit of panic. Within several seconds, D-967124 began thrashing, flailing, and wildly running around the room in a futile attempt to dislodge the output, crashing into walls and beating his head against various things. Security attempted to intervene, but D-967124 withstood several seconds of sustained gunfire without being terminated. Eventually, D-967124 was restrained with steel cables and thrown into the incinerator. Notably, the output and D-967124 were resistant to the fire for a full 30 seconds before eventually being destroyed.
Note: Lord Almighty in Heaven, have mercy on that poor soul. That was incredibly horrifying to watch. Also, I have no idea where the glass went — possibly the interior of that godawful contraption — but I swear that thing popped an Übercharge as a last-ditch effort to save itself; good thing the security guys restrained the D-Class, or it might have walked him out of the incinerator and we'd have a whole new problem to deal with. -GJTW Bradley
Test 914-1157
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 25/10/2019
Total Items: One wooden baseball bat, one baseball, two pictures of The Scout
Note: So I heard that Kai accidentally made a TF2 flamethrower and I got a bit nostalgic, so I dug up some sports equipment out of my closet. Batter up! - Researcher MacLean
Input: One baseball bat, one picture
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A higher-quality baseball bat, labelled “The Vintage Sandman”. The bat is extremely durable, and reportedly feels lighter, despite the weight being unchanged when measured. The bat’s main anomalous effects are made apparent when used to hit a baseball or a living creature. Upon contact, the impact will result in more force transferred than normal. This force is directly proportional to the amount of time in minutes without hitting an object, multiplied by the original velocity of the bat. This force is not centered on the area of impact, but rather distributed evenly throughout the entire object. The maximum amount of force stored is approximately 80 kN. The paper is presumed to have been embedded in the bat.
Input: One baseball, one picture
Setting: Very Fine.
Output: One baseball, which has similar effects to the previously output, but administers the force during impact with an object that is not the original propellant. The effects do not activate if the baseball hits the head of a living creature. Rather, the baseball will always discharge enough force upon impact to either render the target unconscious or cause a concussion. All other stored force will be depleted after the impact. The ball shares the same anomalous durability of the bat, but appears to have no maximum energy limit. The paper has become blank, and has no anomalous properties.
Note: Even if these things only work if thrown or swung, they’ve got to go. - Researcher MacLean
Note: Upon placing the objects in the incinerator and activating it, the objects violently released their stored energy, causing a massive explosion. The explosion caused no casualties, but destroyed the incinerator. The bat and ball were found intact in the wreckage and transferred into anomalous storage.
Note: Wow. That’s the second time we’ve wrecked the incinerator in two weeks. I heard Miniwa got the mother of all tongue-lashings by Dr. Veritas, so you’d better watch out. - JR Kai
Note: I suppose I do have some vacation days left over. I’ll be back once I’m sure Veritas isn't gonna dismember me. -Researcher MacLean
Note: Proposal to use Researcher MacLean as a test subject for the new incinerator has been made and is under consideration. - Veritas
Test 914-1158
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 25/10/2019
Total Items: One photograph of former Facility 23 Security Chief Ozark
Note: So apparently Ozark quit over that debacle with the wax thing impersonating me? I went to the security office and I found Sedna. Curiosity forces me to do this. -Dr. Beiderman
Input: The above
Setting: 1:1
Output: One photograph of Jeremy Ozark, wearing overalls and a hat, smiling into the camera. He's holding what appears to be a 2-month-old baby, and standing next to a cow.
Note: I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't him settling down into farm life. Do you think the kid is his? - Dr. Beiderman
Note: Probably, I sort of miss the guy. - Intern Lunar
Test 914-1159
Name: Guest Researcher Derrick
Date: 25/10/2019
Total Items: One metal wristwatch
Note: I’m here to work on another project for a bit, but I heard quite a bit about this machine. Requested to run an experiment or two before I had to leave. Just putting through an old watch since I recently got a new one. - GR Derrick
Input: One wristwatch
Setting: Fine
Output: One wristwatch, with the plating made much more ornate. No anomalous affects discovered after testing for two hours. Watch slowly rotates any object it is touching at the same rate as the hour hand turns, at a full revolution every 12 hours. Watch also anomalously stays attached to object it is placed on, unaffected by gravity.
Note: I guess I’ll take this if it clears anomalous testing, since it looks better than the watch I have coming in. Anyone wants the new one? - GR Derrick
Note: Anomalous effect discovered after GR Derrick slid out of bed in the middle of the night.
Note: Never mind, it’s been incinerated. I don’t want to find out the upper limit of this thing in storage. - GR Derrick
Test 914-1160
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 25/10/2019
Total Items: Three gray T-shirts embroidered with "Sorry I missed the party. I wanted to go but it's Opposite Day." in dark-gray Comic Sans font
Note: Dr. Veritas was understandably concerned about trying any tests with blank T-shirts after the last one (see Test 914-0609), so I went with some cheap printed ones this time. -Prof. Wren
Input: One shirt.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One dark-gray T-shirt embroidered "I didn't want to go but it's Opposite Day so here I am!" in gray Comic Sans font.
Input: One shirt.
Setting: Fine
Output: One ball of thread, mass and material consistent with the shirt, one pile of material confirmed to be embroidery.
Note: This output is more consistent with "Coarse" than "Fine." I was going to run my next test on "Very Fine," but I'm getting the feeling 914 is taking the "Opposite Day" embroidery and running with it, so let's try this instead. -Prof. Wren
Input: One shirt.
Setting: Rough
Output: A shirt embroidered with a clockwork pattern; the embroidery has a 3-dimensional appearance to it, seeming to go into the wearer. An anomalous trait was discovered when, upon donning the shirt, D-class froze in place with his arms out to one side, with one arm bent back in at the elbow. D-class rotated arms at a rate consistent with a clock, with their extended arm acting as the "minute hand." 17 minutes into testing, D-class proceeded to say "GONG" 11 times. D-class displayed no fatigue or memory of the event after the shirt was removed.
Note: Impressive, even if the time was wrong. Also, called it! -Prof. Wren
Addendum: Further research determined the time D-class displayed to be the current time of [REDACTED], D-class' place of birth.
Test 914-1161
Name: Dr. Noel Noelle Cahill
Date: 28/10/2019
Total Items: One bottle of estradiol and antiandrogens in use for Dr. Cahill's hormone therapy
Note: Before commencing the experiment, Dr. Cahill looked highly distressed when [she] entered the research facility. [Her] car had been damaged and vandalised with slurs against [REDACTED].
Input: Above bottle of drugs for hormone therapy
Setting: Very Fine
Note: Please, 914. God, this is so dumb, I'm talking to my research object now. But [SPEECH MUFFLED] you know the rules, 914. I can't take whatever you give me, I can't toss myself in… just please. - Dr Cahill
Output: One plastic model of a generic six-chambered revolver
Note: Dr. Cahill insisted on personally testing the output instead of allowing a D-class to do it. Let it be known that he takes all responsibility for whatever happens during testing. - Security Chief Sedna
Addendum: Dr. Cahill was briefly instructed on firearms usage, and the plastic revolver was loaded and passed to him. A cognitohazard was then discovered when Dr. Cahill made skin contact with the weapon, causing all individuals who view Dr. Cahill to perceive [her] as one of Charlie's Angels. Subsequent testing with the revolver reveals it to be accurate up to an effective range of 300m. Dr. Cahill has since disposed of the revolver. (Refer to below test.)
Note: Thank you 914 for the effort. I don't need to look like a movie character to be comfortable with who I am. I'll be returning this to you. - Dr. Cahill
Input: Previous output
Setting: Coarse
Output: One pile of ground-up plastic arranged into a smiley face
Note: Dr. Cahill has taken leave for a month for his upcoming gender reassignment surgery.
Note: About time. See you soon, Noelle. - J.R. Kai
Test 914-1162
Name: Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Date: 28/10/2019
Total Items: One Post-it note reading "Hi SCP-914, I hope we can work well together. -Researcher Dafydd Lewis", one [REDACTED] brand black ballpoint pen, one Welsh flag
Input: One Post-it note reading "Hi SCP-914, I hope we can work well together. -Researcher Dafydd Lewis", one [REDACTED] brand black ballpoint pen
Setting: 1:1
Output: One half-used [REDACTED] brand black ballpoint pen, one Post-it note with a drawn Welsh flag
Input: One Welsh flag
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged Welsh flag. One Welsh flag with a cognitohazard that causes those who view it to gain a general knowledge of the Welsh language. When a subject affected by the cognitohazard is asked about their opinion of the Welsh language, the subject will invariably say that they did not enjoy learning it, even if they had anomalously learnt the language from viewing the flag.
Test 914-1163
Name: Senior Researcher Vivic
Date: 28/10/2019
Total Items: Three tripod-mounted tennis ball launchers, twelve tennis balls, one tennis ball container
Input: One tripod-mounted tennis ball launcher, loaded with six tennis balls
Setting: Fine
Output: One shoulder-mounted tennis ball cannon that will launch any tennis balls placed into the rear end of it via anomalous means. So far, the speed of the launched ball has been recorded to be between 30 and 40m/s. The original six tennis balls have not been found.
Input: One tripod-mounted tennis ball launcher, unloaded
Setting: Fine
Output: One unusually-shaped device, visually similar to that of an unloaded RPG-7. When any tennis ball is placed within the front end of the barrel, it will anomalously transform to resemble an RPG-7 rocket, yet will not fire it even when the trigger of the device is pulled. The transformed ball can easily be removed by hand, but will not revert to its original form. All rockets removed are not loaded with explosives.
Input: One tripod-mounted tennis ball launcher, loaded with two tennis balls
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually similar device with "The Wiener Launcher" now labelled on its side. Hot dogs of any brand are launched automatically when placed in the modified hopper. Via anomalous means, inserted hot dogs are propelled at roughly 155m/s with an electronic beep as a warning 2 seconds before firing.
Note: The fact that the window of the Facility-23 personnel residence 16 shattered and the presence of a hot dog within the pile of glass is nothing more than an odd coincidence. - JR Kai
Addendum:
It has been discovered by Dr. Zane (after an unnamed individual broke a window) that the previous output also possess a cognitohazard that affects anyone who sees it or interacts with it to behave far more recklessly than normal. Onlookers will also cheer the user on to perform said reckless acts. Due to the potential for greater damage in the future, the device has been incinerated. The exact effects of the cognitohazard unfortunately went unnoticed until now.
Test 914-1164
Name: R.A. Walker, D-20932
Date: 28/10/2019
Total Items: Fifteen 1.829m × 1.219m furniture grade birch planks
Input: Three birch planks
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three elm planks
Input: Three birch planks
Setting: Fine
Output: A lifelike statue of the character ''Professor Birch'' from ''Pokémon Ruby/Emerald/Sapphire''. The inside is hollow.
Note: Wait, we don't have a Professor Birch here? - R.A. Walker
Input: Three birch planks
Setting: Fine
Output: An elaborately designed birch chair. After five minutes of D-20932 sitting in the chair, she mentions that she is unable to get comfortable. When asked to get up, she found herself stuck to the chair by what was determined to be birch sap. Object disassembled, D-class freed, object incinerated.
Input: One birch plank
Setting: Rough
Output: Birch wood chips
Input: One birch plank
Setting: Coarse
Output: One plank of lignin, one plank of cellulose, one pool of birch sap. The output planks are soft and fragile.
Note: This is why I usually use Fine. Rough and Coarse are too predictable. Rough shreds the input, Coarse takes it apart. - R.A. Walker
Input: Five birch planks
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An exquisite dining set. When viewed, people are inclined to acquire a hot beverage, especially tea, coffee, hot chocolate, or apple cider, and sit in one of the chairs. The chairs are quite comfortable, though those who sit in them are unable to get up until their drink is consumed. After they finish their drink, they reportedly feel relaxed. The anomalous effect occurs up to three times a day, and no less than six hours apart.
Note: Had a nice chat with D-20932 over some coffee. It seems she grew up in a troubled home, and… what? The test? Oh, right. The table and chairs have been put into anomalous storage, pending Veritas' judgement. - R.A. Walker
Note: Walker can have it once it clears screening, just don't put it in the cafeteria. Bad for productivity. - Veritas
Test 914-1165
Name: I. Demole, D-12249
Date: 28/10/2019
Total Items: Three small bottles of 939 pheromone, acquired from Site 19-31
Input: One bottle of 939 pheromone
Setting: Coarse
Output: A bottle, a cork, and several puddles, each one consisting of a single protein from the input.
Input: One bottle of 939 pheromone
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bottle of ''2678 pheromone''. Testing shows effect and chemical makeup matches the gas SCP-2678 expels. D-12249 is stressed when exposed to the contents of the bottle. D-12249 was sedated and amnesticized for the remainder of the anomalous effect's duration.
Input: One bottle of 939 pheromone
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle of ''914 pheromone''. Testing shows that it contains trace amounts of hydrocarbons, potentially gear oil. When tested on D-12249, he entered a vegetative state. When an item is placed in his right hand, he begins modifying the object, using whatever tools he is given. If he is not given a tool, he will use his teeth and fingernails to modify the object. Once done, he will hold the modified object in his left hand. Amnestics appear to cancel the effect. It is noted that ''modified'', in this context, usually means destroying an object by hand or pulling it apart.
Test 914-1166
Name: Dr. Zavalosa
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: Four blank post-it notes, a pen, two glass Klein bottle models, a paper Mobius strip
Note: Today, we are working with non-orientable objects. Due to 914 tendency to turn things hazardous, I have employed safety precautions, such as Researcher Rasclons's work in Test 914-1107 which I shall be placing notes indicating the results become hazardous, in the hopes the negation will cause safe results. Regardless, I will also be employing a squad of MTF Eta-10 "See No Evil" and D-0772 in case the negation effect goes awry. - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: One glass Klein bottle model, one post-it note stuck to the model stating "hazardous."
Setting: Coarse
Output: Shards of the glass bottle model, one paper Mobius strip made from the post-it note.
Note: As hoped, the coarse setting 'downgrades' the Klein bottle into a Mobius strip. - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: One paper Mobius strip, one post-it note stuck to the strip stating "hazardous."
Setting: Coarse
Output: One larger post-it note with a circle drawn on it.
Note: A circle constitutes as one-dimensional space, so the downgrade for a Mobius strip is a circle. - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: The larger post-it note with a circle drawn on it, as well as the word "hazardous."
Setting: Coarse
Output: The larger post-it note with a single dot drawn on it.
Note: A dot is the only way to visualize 0-dimensional space, so far so good. - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: One glass Klein bottle model, one post-it note stuck to the model stating "hazardous."
Setting: Fine
Output: One non-orientable model theorized to be represented in Theta Prime dimension space. When D-0772 picked the model up, the model suddenly deconstituted and all papers within Research Chamber-B were inscribed with numerous copies of SCP-033. A squad of MTF Theta-90 "Angle Grinders" was dispatched in response and all affected electronics and papers were isolated and disposed of.
Note: SCP-033 is not listed as a hazardous object so the negation effect wasn't broken, at the same time it got in my prosthetic and caused the entire mechanical system to break down and had to be disposed of as well. It’s good fortune that William is still here. - Dr. Zavalosa.
Note: We should be careful not to overextend the negation property. 914 works with the information given, and doesn't produce exactly the expected output. The more information-heavy the input, the likelier it is to make something that actually has the written property. - R. Rasclon
Note: That does raise the question on if we can utilise the negation property to corner 914 into producing predictable outputs. Perhaps further experiments should be attempted on the negation property - Dr. Zavalosa
Note: Those were important documents. Months of research on the origins of 914 gone. Veritas said that he would like to see you in his office. - JR. Kai
Test 914-1167
Name: Assistant Researcher King
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: Two sets of ''Cards Against Humanity'', 2 sets of ''Exploding Kittens''
Input: 1 set of Cards ''Against Humanity''
Setting: 1:1
Output: A set of cards labelled ''Cards Against Anomalies''.
Note: The set includes iconic cards like: "the Foundation is _", "173's massive stool", "096's beautiful face", "The only known way to terminate SCP-682 is ___" and “what caused the containment break this time?” - AR King
Input: 1 set of ''Cards Against Humanity''
Setting: Fine
Output: A set of ''Cards Against Humanity'' with a cognitohazard that causes anyone who plays the game to have different views on the political environment than usual and actively promote them as correct. Item incinerated.
Input: 1 set of ''Exploding Kittens''
Setting: 1:1
Output: A set of ''Exploding Puppies''. All cards have been replaced with dog related cards. Cards have been placed in the break room after anomalous testing.
Input: 1 set of ''Exploding Kittens''
Setting: Fine
Output: A set of ''Exploding Kittens''. When an ''Exploding Kitten'' card is drawn, the entire hand of cards explodes violently after 3 seconds if not defused. Item incinerated.
Note: Thing nearly blew off my hand, good thing I threw the cards down after I drew the ''Exploding Kitten''. I’m a sore loser. - AR King
Test 914-1168
Name: Researcher Laskenta; D-96907
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: Three tea sets, each including: a teapot, a creamer, a bowl, a pitcher, a small plate, four cups and a metal tray.
Note: I have grown a liking to tea in the past few days, as my coffee-filled days are stressful enough. Tea can really calm you down. - Laskenta
Input: One tea set
Setting: 1:1
Output: A massive ceramic tray and a miniature metal tea set, non-anomalous. The masses of the input and the output match.
Input: One tea set
Setting: Fine
Output: One metal and nine ceramic figurines, representing the letter 'T', non-anomalous.
Input: One tea set
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One ceramic sphere on the (unchanged) metal tray. Placing the sphere on a tray with a tea set (composed out of the items used in the test) results in an anomalous effect, that fills the teapot with hot tea, the creamer with milk, the bowl with sugar, and the plate with lemons or limes. Placing the sphere on a tray with a tea set (composed out of the items used in the test) results in a cognitohazard that affects everybody who intends to drink tea from the tea set. Affected subjects will believe that the set was filled with fluids and fruits that belong into a tea set. Instead, the teapot will fill with SCP-2649-A. Both outputs have been destroyed.
Note: What I took from that test is: Tea can calm you down as long as you don't put it into 914. No further comment. - Laskenta
Test 914-1169
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: Three bottles of water, three bottles of Gatorade, three bottles of acetaminophen tablets, three copies of a recipe for a purported hangover cure.
Note: Cleared for testing again, following my unfortunate incident. I got the idea for this test while suffering from the worst antimeme hangover I’ve ever had. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One of each of the above items
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bottle of sparkling water, one bottle of Powerade, one bottle of ibuprofen tablets, one handwritten note. The note is a letter requesting permission for Researcher Connolly to be “absent from school today due to the bug that’s going around”.
Note: This handwriting looks like my mother’s. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One of each of the above items
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle labeled “914’s Mind Over Matter Cure-All!”. Produces a cognitohazardous effect that causes whoever makes physical contact with the bottle to no longer feel whatever illness is currently afflicting them, including mental and undiagnosed illnesses. Symptoms reappear as soon as physical contact with the bottle is broken.
Addendum: Testing with D-Class has revealed that upon ingesting any amount of the bottle’s contents, subject reports a severe increase in intensity of whatever illness is afflicting them. Testing suspended after D-4192, who had been diagnosed with depression, drank a small quantity and proceeded to [REDACTED].
Input: One of each of the above items
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small animate creature, resembling a dog with a note on its back. The note read, “Sparky”. The body appeared to be made mostly of frozen water and Gatorade, and teeth consisting of the acetaminophen capsules. Upon exiting the Output booth, subject immediately proceeded to Researcher Connolly and bit his ankle, whereupon the creature then melted into a non-anomalous puddle. Researcher Connolly reported all adverse effects of his amnestic treatment to be completely gone.
Note: Sparky was the name of my childhood dog. He used to nibble to show affection. It took me way too long to realize this was a ‘hair-of-the-dog’ joke, but thank you regardless, 914. - Researcher Connolly
Test 914-1170
Name: Dr. Beiderman, Assistant Researcher King
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: One Class 19-T Chassis and one Class 19-T Memory Backup, both belonging to the now-defunct Sarhu model.
Note: Despite the objections of myself and Dr. Veritas, my superiors at the Engineering Department have ordered me to run a few more tests on Samsara tech. - Dr. Beiderman
Input: One Class 19-T Chassis
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One large metallic figurine of a human heart. Observed to "beat" at a constant rate. A memetic effect causes people to view it as a human heart.
Input: One Class 19-T Memory Backup
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually unchanged Class 19-T Memory Backup. Physical contact causes a subject to "experience" the "memories" of the Sarhu model, from the beginning of its first surgical procedure to the time of its decommissioning.
Note: An interesting result, but we will have to incinerate it after I get King up to medical for some amnestics. - Dr. Beiderman
Test 914-1171
Name: Junior Researcher Pines
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: One silver necklace, adorned with symbols related to the Wiccan faith, owned by JR Pines.
Input: Above item
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged necklace with a cognitohazardous effect that causes wearers to fervently believe they can practice magic. The D-class wore the necklace for three days under heavy surveillance and was observed trying to start a ''coven'' and talking personnel, cellmates or stationary objects about the ''wonder of magic''. After the necklace was removed, the D-class remarked that they only believed it because they quote,” thought it was cool.” Item was incinerated after JR Pines´request.
Note: I was just gonna put it in anomalous storage, but after that quote, it needed to be destroyed. - JR Pines
Test 914-1172
Name: Researcher Miniwa
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: One copy of SCP-2085's documentation
Note: We're starting to run out of the health kits, so I'll avoid testing them for now. - Researcher Miniwa
Input: One copy of SCP-2085's documentation
Setting: 1:1
Output: One document describing an SCP-2085-A-█. Further analysis shows that the document describes an interview with Researcher Miniwa, with Researcher Miniwa in the position of SCP-2085-A and Veritas interviewing.
Test 914-1173
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: Two post-it notes containing a random SCP number, one two 2m by 3m flags of Arkansas, one 2m by 3m flag of Tennessee
Note: This is a throwback test, going back to my early days. - Dr. Cleveland
Input: One post-it note reading ''2749''.
Setting: Fine
Output: A paper tie, with the words "Business Incorporated" printed on
Note: I'm not sure if this should be expected in 1:1 or Fine. - Dr. Cleveland
Input: One post-it note reading 1655
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate 10:1 paper model of SCP-1655, theorized to exhibit all of SCP-1665's anomalous effects, sans the ignoring abilities. Neutralized when Dr. Cleveland accidentally slipped over the next intended input (the flag of Arkansas) and crushed the model.
Note: I'm still fine. Arkansas comes next. Requesting an extra flag, by the way. - Dr. Cleveland
Input: The flag of Arkansas that Dr. Cleveland slipped on
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A flag of Mississippi. Has the anomalous effects of causing any surface it touches to have a coefficient of friction of exactly 0.0001655, making the surface to be exceptionally smooth; and causes all viewers with a cognitohazardous resistance above 73 to ignore the flag's presence. Placed in Anomalous Storage.
Input: A flag of Arkansas
Setting: Fine
Output: A 2m by 3m map of Little Rock, with locations related to Dr. Cleveland's life highlighted. Of note, the St. Andrew's Anglican Church was highlighted with the words "On ██/██/2000, a White-Level Event happened at the Clevelands. Siblings Richard, Nelson, and Julie were absent that day."
Note: Wait, what the hell? That wedding which I did not attend was a disaster, but SCP-2852? That's a whole new level. - Dr. Cleveland
Input: A flag of Tennessee
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate map of Tennessee and surroundings. Touching the map at points which correspond to a city in metropolitan areas would reveal an inaccuracy: Instead of the target city, the primary city, seemingly annexing neighboring satellite cities, is shown. For example, Memphis now spans the entirety of the east bank of Shelby County, TN and the northern half of DeSoto County, MS; while Nashville, Murfreesboro, and Hendersonville annexed multiple municipalities in Davidson, Rutherford, Williamson, and Summer Counties, the largest of which being Franklin.
Test 914-1174
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: 17 steel plates, 1 copper plate, 1 amethyst crystal, 1 sheet of glass, 1 kg plastic cube, 7 wooden blocks,
All Samsara testing is concluded. I'm still hanging around until my flight back to the main site in 3 weeks. Nobody has ever really given 914 a large amount of varied material. - Dr. Beiderman
Input: All of the above.
Setting: Fine
Output: A large wooden crate, containing what appear to be 1-inch figurines of all personnel stationed at Facility 23, and one toy version of SCP-914. The personnel figurines appear to be made of a base steel structure, which is coated in colored plastic. Small glass eyes are set into each figurine. The toy variant of 914 is constructed from solid copper.
Note: This is going in my office. -Dr. Beiderman
Note: Even as a figurine, Veritas is still facepalming. Say what you want, at least they're accurate depictions of us. - Researcher Connolly
Test 914-1175
Name: Junior Researcher Grizzly, D-11235
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: A 49cc Honda Super Cup engine, filled with 49ml of petrol
Input: Above item
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 24 exact replicas of the Borg-Warner Trophy, a flute engraved with the words "Моя дочь" ("My daughter" in Russian).
Note: The petrol is missing, like other tests involving petroleum-based liquids. I'll keep the flute. - JR Grizzly
Input: Two replica trophies in the output
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 91 intricate ancient Chinese wine cups, with designs corresponding to the Warring States period. Seven of them contain varying amounts of diesel oil.
Note: Requesting eight wine cups; all others are placed in storage. - JR Grizzly
Test 914-1176
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: Two EMP Generators
Input: One EMP Generator
Setting: Fine
Output: A Counter-Frequency Generator. When activated, the generator will emit previously unknown frequencies of sound, light, seismic and electromagnetic energy, nullifying all sounds, light, Ground movement, and Electromagnetic radiation in an uninterrupted 10 Meter radius. This includes certain high frequency vibrations caused by activation of resonators. No limit has been currently found to the effect, and the object is currently under study.
Note: I’d normally expect that to be a Very Fine output, but you can’t really expect anything from this thing. - Researcher MacLean
Input: One EMP Generator
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One toy pistol, with a dial on the side. Testing has shown that the gun is capable of firing concentrated blasts of any wave on the electromagnetic spectrum, as well as emit magnetic waves, via an unknown mechanism. This includes previously non-repeatable types of radiation, and types seemingly absent on the electromagnetic spectrum. The object is currently under study.
Note: Two in one test. I suppose they’re at least useful for MTF and containment use. I’m gonna finish moving my stuff into my quarters. - Researcher MacLean
Addendum: Both objects have been found to be capable of self activation. The pistol has been permanently placed into anomalous storage, using the Counter-Frequency Generator to prevent damage to the surroundings.
Test 914-1177
Name: Senior Researcher Louis
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: 5 ███████ brand chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch
Note: I should have introduced myself after my first experiment with 914, so I'm going with this old chestnut. - SR Louis
Input: Items listed above
Setting: Fine
Output: 5 ███████ brand chocolate Hanukkah gelt, one clockwork dreidel. The dreidel appears to spin indefinitely and has been spinning continuously now for the last 5 hours. The chocolate is described as "tasty" but has a cognitohazard that causes those who eat it to sing "I Have A Little Dreidel” until the chocolate passes out of the consumer's alimentary canal.
Note: Firstly, does… does 914 know I'm Jewish? Secondly, I'm putting the dreidel in the break room for anyone that wants to play with it. Thirdly, if anyone wishes to try the gelt before I incinerate whatever's left, I recommend having access to a soundproof bathroom and to rehydrate after it gets out of your system. - SR Louis
Test 914-1178
Name: Senior Researcher Louis
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: One yarmulke, 1 book titled "God, No!: Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales" by Penn Jillette
Note: I'm not religious, but after the last test, I wanted to take it to the next step. The yarmulke was a leftover from a nephew's bar mitzvah. - SR Louis
Input: 1 yarmulke
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 helicopter beanie. There are no visible rotors, however, an audible "whirring" noise is heard and a slight downward breeze is felt when worn.
Note: Assuming it passes memetic and cognitohazard scanning, I'm going to keep it. And yes, I'm willing to take the chance that one day it might just twist off my head or melt my brain. - SR Louis
Note: So you are learning after all. - Veritas
Input One book: "God, No!: Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales" by Penn Jillette
Setting: Fine
Output: One book: "God, Yes!: A Memoir." SCP-343 is on the cover of the book. The cover is animate, and beckons anyone within 3 meters of the book to read it.
Note: Religion is far outside my wheelhouse and there's no way I'm opening that thing. Submitting it for the usual testing. Feel free to study it if you like, but I've read far too many of these logs to risk being in the same room with it. - SR Louis
Test 914-1179
Name: Researcher Dafydd Lewis, Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: Two Razer Blade Pro 17 laptops preloaded with Cortana running
Input: One above laptop
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One laptop of unknown make, now with a symbol of a bat etched into its cover. A programme named skynet.exe is currently running.
Note: Dr. Veritas, who was supervising the test due to the dangers of testing with Artificial Intelligence, attempted to destroy the laptop via repeated application of blunt force with the edge of a table.
Note: Calm down, Veritas! - R. Dafydd Lewis
Note: The laptop was immediately locked into an Class-Q Electromagnetic Deadzone Containment Vessel.
Addendum: Further testing in an electronically shielded containment chamber revealed skynet.exe to simply be a custom-written slideshow programme with images ripped from a pirated working cut of the currently-unreleased 2019 film [REDACTED].
A voice-activated assistant was also inadvertently discovered when Junior Researcher Kai vocalised "What else you got in there, mate?"
The assistant appears to be a personification of the T-800 as portrayed by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Search results made with the Terminator assistant are taken from the Dark Web service [REDACTED]. Due to valuable information initially obtained from the output, it has been contained in Anomalous Storage until further notice.
Note: Put it into the deepest, darkest corner of Storage, you hear me? If it wirelessly connects to some other device and somehow starts manufacturing actual Terminators, they'll have your head on your platter before I can get a chance to do so. - Dr. Veritas
Note: Right away, sir. - J.R. Kai
Note: I have asked that William take a look at a way to neutralise this laptop. My days of documenting SCPs are long gone and I’d hate to have to write an 079. - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: One above laptop
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One seemingly unchanged laptop. Further testing revealed that the Cortana assistant could accurately retrieve any result vocally asked for, even if the given result cannot be found on the Internet. However, a price will be displayed on the screen and placing the "payment" on the keyboard results in the laptop slamming shut rapidly to accept the "payment", after which reopening the laptop will display the result of the request. Notably, all accepted "payments" anomalously disappear and searches are conducted using the search engine preferred by the user. Due to the possibility of an information breach but taking into account the usefulness of the laptop, it has been locked in Anomalous Storage and is currently only available to personnel with Level 4 Clearance.
| Closest McDonald's outlet to Site-19 Facility-23 | One biscuit | [APPROVED] |
| How to style your hair like Brendon Urie | One bottle of hair gel | [APPROVED] |
| When is the next season of One Punch Man coming? | One arm | [DENIED] |
| Senior Researcher Vivic's IQ | One full set of Naruto Shippuden comics | [DENIED] |
| How to style your hair like Dr. Veritas | Five bottles of hairspray, two bottles of conditioner, one bottle of hair gel | [APPROVED] |
| Nudes of Researcher Dafydd Lewis | One litre of blood from your nose after he has punched you | [DENIED] |
| How to destroy SCP-682 permanently | One vial of phoenix tears, three vials of griffin blood, one trunk belonging to an elephant, one head of a hydra, [REDACTED FOR BREVITY] | [DENIED] |
Note: The both of you are this close to being suspended from testing. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-1180
Name: Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Date: 29/10/2019
Total Items: One copy of ''Fortnite'' for the Xbox One. One copy of ''Minecraft'' for the Xbox One.
Input: One copy of ''Fortnite'' for the Xbox One.
Setting: Fine
Output: One bin containing a copy of Fortnite. Upon further inspection, the output was discovered to actually be a plastic sheet with a cognitohazard on it causing the viewer, depending on their opinion of Fortnite, to either view a garbage bin containing a copy of Fortnite or a golden coloured plastic pedestal with a copy of Fortnite placed on top. Personnel not familiar with the game saw the former.
Input: One copy of ''Minecraft'' for the Xbox One.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One unchanged copy of Minecraft. Upon further inspection, it was revealed that although the game itself was seemingly unchanged, additional text has been added on the casing and when the game is loaded, the yellow text on the title screen reads "A gift from God".
Addendum: Upon starting a new world, the entire room will transform into the world generated where normal Minecraftian physics apply. The console and screen will stay in the world and remain indestructible. The only way to exit the world is to press “Save and Quit” on the screen connected to the console, after which all damage to the environment is then reversed and the room transforms to how it was before. Additionally, death in the game is not permanent as a respawn will occur similar to gameplay in Minecraft. However, if a new game is played on hardcore, the user who died is given two options to either “Save and Quit” or “Spectate”.
Addendum: Once a world has finished “generating”, a cognitohazard appears on screen, causing all viewer to believe that they are in the world of Minecraft. The only two ways to negate the cognitohazardous effects is to either cut the power to the console running the game or for the person to press “Save and Quit” while still under its influence.
Test 914-1181
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 30/10/2019
Total Items: Three Gibson G45 acoustic guitars
Input: A guitar.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A prop of a woodcutter's axe. The handle is comprised of the wood from the guitar's base and neck, while the "head" is comprised of the strings and pegs, rendering it flimsy and fragile.
Note: I've heard of guitars being called "axes" before, but come on, 914. -Prof. Wren
Input: A guitar.
Setting: Fine
Output: A 52cm x 52cm x 52cm wooden cube. Each facet has a trapezoidal slot in it with 3 pieces of string. All 18 strings produce a different note; the partially-hollowed interior of the cube amplifies the volume.
Note: I might have to play around with this later. -Prof. Wren
Input: A guitar.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A black acoustic guitar with clockwork designs etched into it. An anomalous property was discovered where holding the guitar compelled the holder to play one of a number of popular 1990's songs on it. A sharp improvement in singing and playing abilities was noticed.
Note: D-class removed from testing area by security after playing "The Man Who Sold the World" 4 times in a row. Prof. Wren moved to transfer the item to anomalous storage.
Note: The craftsmanship on this one is exquisite. I would almost swear the gears etched into the design were turning. Anyway, here's Wonderwa— HEY!! -Prof. Wren
Note: Item was hauled off by Dr. Veritas via a hook on a pole and incinerated.
Test 914-1182
Name: Dr. Zavalosa, D-7758
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: 1 Kit-Kat bar, 1 gummy snake, 1 Starburst, 1 rod of licorice, 1 Hubba Bubba Candy tape, 1 Candy Cane, 1 bag of candy corn, 1 Flake Bar, 1 bag of skittles, 1 bar of Cadbury milk chocolate, 1 Jolly Rancher, 1 box of Nerds, 1 Mars bar, 1 Kinder Egg Surprise, 1 Ferrero Rocher, 1 bag of Warheads.
16 pieces of candy from SCP-330, identical copies to the above list.
Note: In the spirit of Halloween, I have decided to test on candy. The candy from SCP-330 has been, in all sense of the word, harmless; as long as you obey the 2 candy rule. This test aims to see if the candy from 330 is in any way different from commercially bought versions, as well as how 914 reacts to products that are almost identical. Candy from 330 has been taken across 10 days, due to the 2 candy rule. As this is an SCP cross-test, I have gotten approval from Dr. Veritas, and as extra precautions I will not be physically in the test chamber. The setting will be left on Coarse, to disassemble the candy into its ingredients. D-7758, the D-Class that is sent to open the booths, has been warned that changing the setting may lead to death, but has also been promised to receive some of the excess candy on the condition of good behaviour. - Dr. Zavalosa
Note: In the name of brevity, tests that resulted in identical results have been omitted.
| Input: | One Kit-Kat Bar | One Kit-Kat Bar from SCP-330 |
| Setting: | Coarse | Coarse |
| Output: | One block of milk chocolate, one stack of wafers | The Kit-Kat bar has been broken apart and stacked into a Jenga tower |
| Input: | One Kinder Egg Surprise, cut in half with the toy removed | One Kinder Egg Surprise from SCP-330, cut in half with the toy removed |
| Setting: | Coarse | Coarse |
| Output: | One puddle of melted milk chocolate, one pile of milk powder and one puddle of palm tree oil | A figurine cut from the chocolate resembling a toy car, a smaller pile of milk powder, one puddle of milk chocolate and one puddle of palm tree oil |
Note: This is the same design as the toy that was in the Kinder Egg Surprise. - Dr. Zavalosa
| Input: | One candy cane | One candy cane from SCP-330 |
| Setting: | Coarse | Coarse |
| Output: | Puddles of liquid glucose and food colouring | Puddles of liquid fructose and food colouring |
| Input: | One gummy snake | One gummy snake from SCP-330 |
| Setting: | Coarse | Coarse |
| Output: | Puddles of sugar, glucose syrup, starch, flavoring, food coloring, citric acid and gelatin | The same, except gelatin was replaced by agar-agar |
Note: Agar-agar is a gelatin substitute with Asian origins, and it's also vegan as it’s made from red algae. - Dr. Zavalosa
| Input: | One Ferrero Rocher | One Ferrero Rocher from SCP-330 |
| Setting: | Coarse | Coarse |
| Output: | A block of milk chocolate, a pile of hazelnuts | A block of milk chocolate, with the hazelnuts arranged in a manner to form a cognitohazard which induces a sudden craving for sugar |
Note: For most of the candy types, 914 “disassembled” both kinds of candy into a respective pile of ingredients. However, occasionally some variance occurs which causes more anomalous results. Something of note is that the anomalous results only tend to happen from candy that originated from SCP-330; my theory is that the candy still holds a minute amount of anomalous energy, not enough to cause any harm on consumption, but enough to cause anomalous results, even when refined through 914 on a relatively safe option. - Dr. Zavalosa
Note: This concludes this experiment, D-7758 has received the rest of his favourite candy and the remaining excess candy has been placed in the break room to be shared amongst staff members. Happy Halloween everyone. - Dr. Zavalosa
Note: Not touching it. - J.R. Kai
Note: How about homemade brownies from Dr. Cahill? - Dr. Insano
Test 914-1183
Name: R.A. Walker, D-20932
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: Four One foam pumpkin prop, five candles, a replica of Darby's coat, four pumpkins
Input: One pumpkin and one candle
Setting: Fine
Output: One foam jack-o-lantern and one pile of shredded foam. The foam caught fire within a minute and filled the research lab with toxic gas, requiring it to be evacuated and ventilated.
Note: I was afraid of that. Veritas, I request to use actual pumpkins. - R.A. Walker
Note: Have Sedna be there. Use the reinforced cage. - Veritas
Input: One pumpkin and one candle
Setting: Fine
Output: One pumpkin, one pile of pumpkin pulp. The pumpkin has been determined to be nearly empty, containing only a lit candle. When D-20932 attempts to carve it, the carving knife gets stuck, and the handle breaks off. After further testing, the pumpkin was discovered to be impervious to damage. Output incinerated.
Input: One pumpkin and one candle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A non-anomalous jack-o-lantern Subjects who are left present in a dark room with the jack-o-lantern will begin to act paranoid, believing something is watching them. They will describe seeing shadows of various SCPs in the hallway. Sightings of 682 and 939 are among the most commonly reported.
Input: One pumpkin and one candle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A jack-o-lantern that, when viewed, will compel the viewer to pick it up and place it onto their head.
Note: D-20932 had to be sedated to get the pumpkin off her head. The candle ended up burning her hair. I'm ordering a wig for her as we speak. - R.A. Walker
Input: One replica of Darby's labcoat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An instance of Darby's labcoat that has several scratches, tears, and scuffs. When put on, others will view the wearer as the real Darby and will attempt to flee. When worn by Darby, no anomalous effects present themselves.
Input: One pumpkin and one candle.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate jack-o-lantern with the capacity of displacement (teleportation). It behaves with the intent to frighten victims by teleporting into airducts, behind doors and under desks and screaming when discovered. Captured after causing Dr. Harley cardiac arrest by jumping out of his personal locker. Pumpkin incinerated.
Note: Harley will make it, fortunately. This is another example why biological testing is a poor idea. - Veritas
Note: I don't remember having a fourth pumpkin. That's the strangest part of all this. - R.A. Walker
Test 914-1184
Name: Dr. Klaus Beiderman, Dr. Zane, Junior Researcher Kai, Intern Roman, Intern Snevets
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: Two maple lollipops, two Hershey’s Kisses, two gula melaka candies, two York mint candies, two mellowcrème pumpkins, two Cadbury Cream Eggs, two packs of Skittles, two chocolate raisins, two Peeps marshmallow pumpkins
Input: One of each item above
Setting: Fine
Output: One large sphere of candy, presumably made from inputted sweets. An anomalous effect was discovered afterwards that when someone moves within 3 metres of the sphere, all insulin within the affected person’s body is anomalously converted to an inactive form. Affected persons also begin to display severe symptoms of ADHD, causing excessive usage of available blood sugar and causing hypoglycaemia. D-class personnel who attempted retrieval of the sphere was affected by the sphere and collapsed after attempting multiple physically-exhaustive activities. The sphere has been incinerated.
Input: One of each item above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One animate candy humanoid golem. Neutralization was attempted with H2O-9000 by the combined efforts of Dr. Zane and Intern Snevets. The golem broke into shards of candy upon being hit with 25 litres of water. However, when janitors attempted to clean up the mess, the sweets reassembled into the golem and attempted to attack all personnel present. The golem was then discovered to be able to anomalously convert all matter in contact with it into candy, assimilating more than 20kg of candy altogether before it was finally herded by Security Personnel and thrown into incinerator. As a result of this incident, Dr. Zane, Intern Roman and three other non-testing personnel have suffered injuries of various severity and are currently recuperating in the medical bay.
Note: What. Happened. - Dr. Insano
Test 914-1185
Name: Guest Engineer Regas
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: One cube of steel measuring 0.5m x 0.3m x 0.3m, one blueprint of a prototype candy launcher designed by Regas.
Note: This is the first time I’m having Halloween outside of Site-98, It’s very awesome seeing everyone’s spirit. - Regas
Input: All of the Above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The prototype candy launcher detailed in the blueprint, scraps of blueprint paper and pieces of steel.
Note: With all the stories surrounding 914, I’m truly amazed that it worked first try. I’m going to test this thing out.- Regas
Addendum: The launcher was loaded up with various gobstopper candy pieces and activated. Gobstopper projectiles reached speeds of excess 400km/h which damaged part of the building, the knockback broke the launcher in four pieces and broke both of Guest Engineer Regas' arms.
Test 914-1186
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: One guide on Thaumaturgy, one guide on Ectomorphic Entities.
Note: Considering that Halloween is today, I figured I’d get into the spirit with some books on magic and ghosts. - MacLean
Input: One guide on Ectomorphic Entities
Setting: Fine
Output: One guide on Demonic, as well as Ectomorphic Entities. The print is much smaller than the original guide.
Note: I’m going to need a microscope to read this. - Researcher MacLean
Input: One guide on Thaumaturgy
Setting: Fine
Output: One updated guide, with improved ritual diagrams and more detailed information on a variety of spells. The spells are often written in a variety of unknown languages.
Note: Considering the items created are both unusable, I suppose we ought to see what happens if we put them together. - Researcher MacLean
Input: One guide on Demonic and Ectomorphic Entities, one updated guide on Thaumaturgy
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One complex thaumaturgic rune which caused Researcher MacLean’s shadow to become animate. The rune self-immolated after viewing. The shadow is selectively corporeal, having the ability to pass through walls but is also capable of physically interacting with objects and people. This effect also transfers to whatever it is interacting with, an example being clothes. The shadow is also capable of changing its shape and disguising itself as a regular, non-anomalous shadow. It is sentient, capable of conversation, and completely independent of Researcher MacLean as an entity. Security footage is being studied in order to attempt to recreate and reverse the effects of the rune, while the shadow is currently being studied of its own volition. Researcher MacLean has ceased casting a shadow when exposed to light but otherwise shows no anomalous effects.
The shadow dissipated after 24 hours, but the affected’s shadow did not return.
Note: Not casting a shadow when being exposed to to light really messes up your depth perception. I wouldn't recommend it. - Researcher MacLean
Addendum: The rune has been recreated, and the shadow has been found to re-manifest upon secondary exposure, retaining its memories from previous manifestations. The duration of the effect is cumulative, lasting 12 hours per second of exposure. Study is continuing.
Test 914-1187
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: One plastic skeleton, one Freddy Kruger animatronic Halloween decoration, assorted Halloween-themed baked goods
Input: All of the above
Setting: Fine
Output: A humanoid animatronic, designed to look like a generic baker. Possesses a cognitohazardous effect causing the viewer to believe that a recent baking competition (later found to have not actually occurred) was won by a team made up of nine heavily mutilated corpses. Does not prevent the viewer from realizing how unusual such an event would be.
Test 914-1188
Name: Intern Lunar
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: One mug
Input: The mug
Setting: Fine
Output: One pumpkin candle holder. Any candle placed inside has a blue flame and does not use fuel.
Note: Could I keep this? - Intern Lunar
Note: After it clears screening, like always. - Veritas
Test 914-1189
Name: WR Markham
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: One Jackson Pro King V Pro electric guitar, one photo of WR Markham, one photo of all Site-19 Facility-23 staff dated 31/10/2019
Note: That photo was from 2012, at a Halloween party in Brigham Young University. I was dressed as a vampire. - WR Markham
Input: Electric guitar
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Two ukuleles. Both of them require a power source to be played normally.
Note: I tried playing ''I Don't Know My Name'' by Grace VanderWaal, but the electric ukuleles just don't sound right. - WR Markham
Input: Photo of WR Markham
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A paper model of WR Markham as a vampire. Notably, the colours on model Markham's clothes were inverted.
Input: Photo of all staff
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A photo of all research and administrative personnel in Facility-23 having a buffet dinner in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. With the exception of Junior Researcher Grizzly being labelled as "Senior Researcher Louise Alma Reimer", all names were labelled correctly. However, the ranks of all research personnel, sans Engelhart and Lunar, are moved up at least one level.
Note: It's not an incorrectly labelled name. These days, I've been thinking of adopting a "real" identity for myself, instead of being only mononymously known as Grizzly. It just happened to be that name. - JR Louise "Grizzly" Reimer
Test 914-1190
Name: Dr. Beiderman, Assistant Researcher King.
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: 100 pieces of colored construction paper, multiple colors, shapes, and sizes. 1 pair of safety scissors.
Input: Above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 52 kirigami animals, capable of basic locomotion. Several pieces of scrap paper were present, which each taste like a certain fruit flavor, corresponding to the color, and are edible. Scissors animate, sentient, and capable of speech. Refers to itself as "Mister Arts And Crafts".
Taste testing of the flavored paper yielded the following results. - Dr. Beiderman
| Pink | "Watermelon" |
| Red | "Strawberry" |
| Purple | "Grape" |
| Blue | "Blueberry" |
| Green | "Apple" |
| Yellow | "Lemon" |
| Orange | "Papaya" |
| White | "Coconut" |
Note: Paper animals incinerated. Scissors placed in anomalous storage. The flavored paper is currently missing, and will be incinerated when found. Assuming it hasn't been eaten. - Dr. Beiderman
Note: That was paper? - Researcher Darby
Test 914-1191
Name: Junior Researcher Louise "Grizzly" Reimer, D-22416
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: Ten wine cups from Test 914-1175.
Input: Five wine cups
Setting: Fine
Output: One bowl, carved with ancient Chinese characters. When translated, it roughly corresponds to the procedures of creating a conceptually unstable void.
Input: Five wine cups
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A rune, broken into five pieces. When combined, it displays a cognitohazard which causes any viewer within two meters to become incorporeal. D-class who assembled the rune immediately fell through the ground and is considered to be lost. Result disassembled by a blindfolded JR Reimer and incinerated.
Test 914-1192
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: Five black cotton witch hats
Note: Happy Hallowe’en, everyone! - J.R. Kai
Input: One witch hat
Setting: Fine
Output: One model of a cat. Determined to be non-anomalous. Anomalously animates and begins to follow any person who says “abracadabra” within 1 metre of the cat. Effect lasts for approximately 5 minutes, before the cat de-animates. Donated to the break room for recreational purposes.
Note: Let’s try it… avada kedavra! - J.R. Kai
Addendum: After attempting to smother Junior Researcher Kai when he mispronounced “abracadabra”, the model cat has been incinerated.
Input: One witch hat
Setting: Fine
Output: One pair of child-sized gloves, anomalously disappeared when D-class personnel sent to retrieve it dropped them. On an unrelated note, SCP-239 was noted to have acquired a pair of black cotton gloves as a possibility of her semi-conscious state being aware of the date and changing reality to reflect the Hallowe’en theme. All effects are expected to disappear by the following day.
Input: One witch hat
Setting: Fine
Output: One model of a cat
Note: Not again. I’m not even going to try and find out what it does. Incinerated. - J.R. Kai
Input: One witch hat
Setting: Fine
Output: One length of black cotton rope, resembling a common garden snake. Non-anomalous, but stores kinetic and potential energy extremely well. Effect discovered after D-class personnel who attempted to retrieve it dropped it and it bounced off the floor, displaying its abilities to release stored energy in addition to simply storing energy. Incineration has been considered potentially dangerous and all researchers at Facility 19-23 have been warned of the consequences of destroying the incinerator for the third time in one month.
Input: One witch hat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually unchanged witch hat. Hume levels around SCP-914 destabilized rapidly after the Output booth opened, normalizing only after the witch hat was donned by the D-class present, who vocalized, “What the [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] is going on? The walls and floor need to stop shaking!” Upon which, Research Cell 109-B became accessible to security personnel stationed outside. D-class was terminated immediately for safety reasons and the witch hat has been incinerated after being determined to be non-anomalous following the incident. It is postulated that the output granted its user minor reality-bending abilities by lowering ambient Hume levels, the effect of which was negated when the terminated D-class personnel subconsciously reduced the Hume differential and restabilized local reality.
Test 914-1193
Name: Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Date: 01/11/2019
Total Items: One large stainless steel bowie knife, one photograph of the weapon "Bushwacka" from the game "Team Fortress 2", ten covered mason jars filled with urine
Input: One bowie knife, one photograph of the "Bushwacka"
Setting: Fine
Output: A bladed weapon visually identical to the Sniper character’s melee weapon "Bushwacka". One bladed weapon visually identical to the Sniper character’s melee weapon "Shahanshah", affected by a cognitohazard that causes viewers to believe that it is "Bushwacka" instead.
Note: I'm hoping to get Jarate from this next test with 914 - R. Dafydd Lewis
Note: You’re "hoping"? - Dr. Veritas
Input: 10 mason jars filled with urine, 10 mason jar caps
Setting: Fine
Output: 10 glass cans visually similar to "Bonk!", an unlockable secondary weapon for the Scout character
Note: Researcher Dafydd Lewis appeared highly excited by the output, retrieving one can and draining all of its contents. - J.R. Kai
Note: Euurrrgghhhww. - R. Dafydd Lewis
Note: Researcher Dafydd Lewis is not allowed to take amnestics for today’s incident to serve as a reminder of appropriate testing behaviour. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-1194
Name: Junior Researcher Pines
Date: 01/11/2019
Total Items: One Chicago Police Department (CPD) badge circa 1948 owned by Junior Researcher Pines’ grandfather, detective Clavicus Pines (noted for encountering occult and anomalous entities).
Input: Above item
Setting: Fine
Output: One antiquated badge of MTF personnel, belonging to one Agent Clavicous, circa 1948 under [REDACTED] Unit.
Input: Above output
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually identical badge to the original CPD badge, but upon further analysis, it was found to be a coded ID of Chaos Insurgency agent Clavicous. Upon hearing this, Junior Researcher Pines locked himself in his office for 9 hours and commented upon leaving, ”I slept on it, work must go on.”
After a meeting, on-Site Psychologist Dr. Insano determined Junior Researcher Pines to be in sound working condition and quoting, ”I guess he did sleep on it.”
Test 914-1195
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 01/11/2019
Total Items: Three photocopies of Dr. Insano’s Master's certificate in Clinical Psychology, original certificate, one bottle of ink
Input: One copy of certificate
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of Dr. Insano’s Master's certificate in Veterinary Science
Note: Alright, we’re on the right track. - J.R. Kai
Input: One copy of certificate
Setting: Fine
Output: One genuine well-made forgery of a certificate displaying Dr. Insano’s Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology
Note: It should be noted that Dr. Insano is currently doing his Ph.D. part-time.
Note: That’s going straight into the incinerator. - J.R. Kai
Input: One copy of certificate
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One anomalously animated origami caricature of Dr. Insano. Attempted to diagnose Junior Researcher Kai with depression before being neutralized by repeated application of blunt force trauma with a standard-issue Foundation clipboard.
Input: Original certificate, one bottle of ink
Setting: Fine
Output: One miniature booklet, displaying a revised version of Dr. Insano’s Master's thesis with numerous additions and supporting research, as well as having been cross-referenced by multiple bodies of research. All text is in extremely miniaturized font. One near-empty bottle of ink.
Note: Has someone been in my office? What happened to my certificate? This is for me? Oh, thank you very much. - Psychological Specialist Richard Insano
Test 914-1196
Name: Senior Researcher Vivic
Date: 01/11/2019
Total Items: Seven 0.5m2 1cm-thick pieces of oak wood
Input: One 0.5m2 1cm-thick piece of oak wood
Setting: Fine
Output: One highly detailed 3D model of [REDACTED].
Note: Those who have observed the output have been treated with amnestics after the object was incinerated.
Note: Since I don't remember the first test, I'm just going to try something else. - S.R. Vivic
Input: One 0.5m2 1cm-thick piece of oak wood inscribed with a Level-1 thaumaturgic protection symbol
Setting: Fine
Output: One 0.4m diameter wooden shield with highly intricate and ornate etchings along the edges. Testing shows the shield is completely resistant to all forms of temperature damage and will disperse applied heat into the surrounding environment evenly. Effects were discovered after minor damage was inflicted on the on-Facility incinerator when incineration of the output was attempted.
Input: One 0.5m2 1cm-thick piece of oak wood inscribed with a Level-2 thaumaturgic protection symbol
Setting: Fine
Output: One 30cm tall highly ornate clockwork grandfather clock that will constantly show the incorrect time and cannot be adjusted.
Input: One 0.5m2 1cm-thick piece of oak wood inscribed with a Level-3 thaumaturgic protection symbol
Setting: Fine
Output: Unchanged piece of wood with a hyper-realistic engraving of a Roman shield on its surface. The wood now possesses vastly-increased durability. Incineration took almost three hours, not including the five breaks taken to prevent overheating of incinerator machinery.
Input: One 0.5m2 1cm-thick piece of oak wood inscribed with a Level-4 thaumaturgic protection symbol
Setting: Fine
Output: One 1m-long wooden sword that allows the user to anomalously block, deflect, or parry any attack directed at the user, including other swords, security batons, bare fists, and even gunfire. The wood, although maintaining its default properties, cannot be damaged while the sword is wielded.
Input: One 0.5m2 1cm-thick piece of oak wood inscribed with a Level-2 thaumaturgic fire-summoning symbol
Setting: Fine
Output: One 0.63m3 wooden block with an ornate carving of curving lines across its surface, furthermore possessing a permanent surface temperature of 15°C.
Input: One 0.5m2 1cm-thick piece of oak wood inscribed with a Level-2 thaumaturgic ice-summoning symbol
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 0.3m2 wooden trapdoor with a wooden latch. The surface of the trapdoor feels cold to the touch, even if its temperature is measured to be constantly at room temperature. The entire object can be moved with ease until the trapdoor is opened by pulling its latch. The trapdoor, through anomalous means, turns into a spatial or dimensional gateway when opened, leading into an unknown location with temperatures exceeding 950°C. Notably, the atmosphere with these temperatures does not pass through the trapdoor frame.
Addendum: While further investigation led by junior researchers has postulated that the trapdoor leads to biblical Hell, this has been shown not to be the case. Within the location is a visible surface of grass approximately 5m below the opening of the trapdoor, every time it is opened. Heat-resistant camera systems have given photographs taken of the "sky" within the location, showing a massive star extremely close to the surface of the location. With this knowledge, it is theorized that the doorway leads to a different solar system than Sol.
Test 914-1197
Name: Dr. Synd
Date: 01/11/2019
Total Items: One deck of Rider-Waite tarot cards (shuffled before each test), five notes hand-written by Dr. Synd
As a qualified anomalous tarot practitioner, I find the possibility of 914 being able to understand the cards intriguing. I’m not expecting it to predict the future or anything, but we might still get some interesting data. Note that before each test I will shuffle the deck while focusing on the question, as is standard practice. Hopefully, this will get my intent across to 914. – Dr. Synd
Input: One shuffled tarot deck, one note from Dr. Synd reading “A general three-card reading for Dr. Cinder Synd”
Setting: 1:1
Output: The deck of cards, with three removed and placed face-up on the floor on the input booth. The cards drawn are the Fool (upright), the Wheel of Fortune (upright), and the Knight of Cups (reversed). The note is missing.
Note: So that’s the start of a journey, some good luck, and then emotional turbulence & moodiness? Interesting. What this does prove is that 914 can at least make an attempt at reading the cards. I’m going to do some readings for some SCP objects, see if we can learn anything. – Dr. Synd
Input: One shuffled tarot deck, one note from Dr. Synd reading “A general three-card reading for SCP-682”
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same as the previous test, albeit with three different cards removed from the deck. The cards are the Devil (upright), the Ten of Swords (reversed), and the Page of Pentacles (reversed).
Note: Feeling trapped, then recovery, then learning from past mistakes. That’s a good representation of 682. 914 isn’t a bad card reader. From here on, I’ll only record what cards it draws unless something else happens. – Dr. Synd
Input: One shuffled tarot deck, one note from Dr. Synd reading “A general three-card reading for SCP-1048"
Note: We still don’t know where that bear is. Can 914 give us any hints? – Dr. Synd
Setting: 1:1
Output: The Sun (upright), the Ten of Pentacles (upright), and the Page of Wands (upright).
Note: Positivity, long-term success, and inspiration? I’m concerned that this means that 1048 is plotting something. It would have been nice if 914 had told us where it was, but at least we can be kind of prepared. – Dr. Synd
Input: One shuffled tarot deck, one note from Dr. Synd reading “A general three-card reading for SCP-914”
Setting: 1:1
Output: No change.
Note: Figures. – Dr. Synd
Input: One shuffled tarot deck, one note from Dr. Synd reading “A general three-card reading for SCP-055”
Setting: 1:1
Output: All of the cards were wiped blank and were subsequently lost.
Note: Further readings are suspended until I get 914 its own deck, so I don't lose another of mine. - Dr. Synd
Test 914-1198
Name: Guest Researcher Derrick
Date: 01/11/2019
Total Items: One plastic sword, one plastic “king” crown
Note: Some leftover stuff from Halloween I wanted to run through. - GR Derrick
Input: One plastic sword
Setting: Fine
Output: One plastic vambrace that has the same mass as the input. When worn, it changes shape to match the wearer’s arm and enables them to morph the vambrace into the sword. When the sword is dropped, it turns back into the vambrace.
Note: The sword is still plastic, so I’d advise against hitting something with it. Still makes for a great costume item, but not worth the risk. In storage. - GR Derrick
Input: One plastic “king” crown
Setting: 1:1
Output: One plastic “queen” crown. Visually feminine. worthy of a queen.
Note: There is a cognitohazard on the crown that causes anyone to view it to describe it as a queen's crown, despite it being the exact same visually. - GR Derrick
Test 914-1199
Name: Intern Roman
Date: 05/11/2019
Total Items: Five spools of copper wire from a hardware store near Site-19
Note: Rough and Coarse tests were redacted for brevity. - Intern Roman
Input: One of the above spools
Setting: 1:1
Output: A spool of copper wire made by [REDACTED], a Foundation front company.
Input: One of the above spools
Setting: Fine
Output: A spool of thinner copper wire. Testing has shown it to be significantly more electrically conductive than normal wire.
Input: One of the above spools
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A copper sphere, capable of floating through anomalous means. There is a small raised circle on one side, always facing towards the person it is following. The sphere will follow any person it passes until the person it is following passes someone else, at which point it turns to face and follow them instead. Placed in a lockbox in anomalous storage.
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"Experiment Log 914" by Dr Gears, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/experiment-log-914. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.
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