Dr. Sorts Personnel File

Dr. Johannes Sorts

Junior researcher. Memetic specialist.

Security Class: 2

Duties: Memetic research and experimentation. Memetic containment and neutralization. Field research and evaluation.

Appearance: Caucasian male, 32. 5' 8", 230 lbs. Hair is brown with streaks of gray. Eyes are brown. Requires glasses.

History: Doctor Sorts received his degree in liberal arts and his academic qualifications are of little use to the Foundation. Dr. Sorts was recruited after he accidentally encountered SCP agents in the field while trying to debunk local claims of paranormal activity. Although he almost blew the Foundation's cover story, he willingly helped to salvage the situation by assisting in the recovery and containment of [DATA EXPUNGED] and helping to create a plausible explanation to the authorities for the loss of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Dr. Sorts has an aptitude for understanding and resisting memetic effects in certain situations, particularly those that he perceives are related to objects of art.

Dr. Sorts has done extensive work on certain memetic SCPs, but given his ability to unconsciously defuse or ignore memetic effects it is recommended that any research he does is independently verified.

Excerpt of interview with 05 regarding unsatisfactory work on SCP-804:

Dr. Sorts: I don't see what the problem is.

O5-█: You really expect us to believe that a bunch of people who were freezing to death and falling apart were operating 804 of their own free will.

Dr. Sorts: They were going to die anyway. They had a choice between death for themselves, and death for the entire human race. These were people who were getting together and fantasizing about a world without human taint on daily basis and here's this… this Thing that is going to give it to them if they keep believing in it. Since they were already doomed I only would have been surprised if they had the courage to stop rather than continue.

O5-█: You mentioned belief. It is your opinion that their belief powered 804?

Dr. Sorts: No, of course not. Well maybe… look, we can't duplicate the effect of that machine. For one, we don't want to. For two, it's outside the bounds of known science—at least I hope it is. But a bunch of useless cows who live off of other people's prosperity somehow created a doomsday device disguised as a piece of art. So maybe it wasn't disguised as a piece of art, it was art. It was the embodiment of all of their terrible ideas made real. Maybe that's where all of these things are coming from, the dark imaginings of humanity's chaff.

O5-█: Your reports and comments seem to indicate that you have a great deal of contempt for the artistic community.

Dr. Sorts: That's because I see it from the inside. Artists think they can heal the world, which is like using leeches to heal a patient.

O5-█: And you believed you could neutralize 804 with "paint and a crowbar?"

Dr. Sorts: Sure. Change the context of the art, change the effect. I think that would be a good experiment. Make it about Man's triumph over his destructive impulses… no, wait, that was their original intent. Maybe if I peed on it…

O5-█: I think we're done here.

Dr. Sorts has contributed to research on the following SCPs:


Dr. Sorts has updated research on the following SCPs:


Noted for file, an incident involving SCP-426: That Goddamn Thing
Noted for file, disciplinary action regarding searches for "Me2515 experiment" in Foundation Intranet: In The Land of the Blind

Dr. Sorts wrote the current primer on memetics for new agents and researchers: Understanding Memetics

Candy is delicious.
All They Want is the Blood.

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