Ahoy hoy. I'm Doctor Cimmerian, and I come from the mythical land of Alabama, ruled by Prester John and home to Site-88. We tend to work long nights and eat poor food. Well, food not up to Cimmerian Standards anyways. Thus, I come to you with four ethical Foundation recipes that'll keep you from starving on long nights with the sad box and the Bel Air disc.
The Apple of Discord
Ingredients:
- 1 Apple
- 1 Knife
Instructions:
- Place the apple on the cutting board so it doesn't roll. If the apple rolls, you're doing it wrong.
- Cut the apple in five equal slices. It's more ethical this way.
Conclusion:
My good friend Christina Morse came up with this one. When I asked her why five slices, she just said that's the way her parents did it. I then asked her again, clearly, why five slices, more specifically why her parents did so. She said she didn't know. When I asked if that's an ethical response, she left the room. I've decided not to push the issue.
Fluffy Rice and Chicken
Ingredients:
- 2 chicken breasts, halved
- 1 10.5 oz can of mushroom soup
- 1 soup can of milk
- 3/4 cup of uncooked rice
- 1 4 oz can of mushrooms
- 1 envelope soup mix
Instructions:
- Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. If it heats to 350 degrees Celcius, tell your oven to stop doing that.
- Mix all the ingredients together in a 9x12'' glass cake pan. The measurement is very important.
- Place the chicken on top the ingredients, cover with foil, and bake for one hour.
- Uncover, stir, and bake for 15 minutes longer. The chicken might come out alive. This result is unethical.
Conclusion:
You can potentially serve this with whole, halved, or diced chicken. You have to consider your life choices first, however.
Balsamic Chicken Thighs and Potatos
Ingredients:
- 2 lbs chicken thighs
- 0.5 cup white balsamic vinegar
- 2 tsp honey
- 2 tbsp olive oil
- 2 garlic cloves
- 1 tsp fresh thyme
- 1 tbsp of fresh parsley
- 2-3 basil leaves
- Salt
- 2 Large Red Potatos
Instructions:
- In one bowl, combine vinegar, oil, garlic, honey, thyme, parsley, basil, and salt. If you didn't get that, read it again.
- Whisk until combined and add chicken thighs. Marinade for 20 minutes. This is so, if the chicken survives, it drowns before you eat it.
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
- On stove-top over medium-high heat, sear the thighs for 3-4 minutes. While you do this, marinade the potatoes. This is so, if the potatoes survive, they drown before you eat them.
- Put chicken and potatoes in pan and bake for 35-45 minutes.
Conclusion:
This won the Site-88 Cooking Contest. I won by eating the other entries before they got judged. There was no rule against this.
Chicken and Broccoli Alfredo
Ingredients:
- 8 oz rotini
- 12 oz broccoli
- 1 tbsp olive oil
- 2 boneless chicken breasts
- Salt and pepper
- 2 tbsp butter
- 2 tbsp flour
- 3/4 cup of chicken broth
- 3/4 cup of milk
- 1/4 cup of cream
- 1/4 tsp garlic powder
- 1/4 cup of grated parmesan
Instructions:
- Cook the pasta. See my Pastaphysics Orientation.
- Add broccoli in the last two minutes of cooking. Drain and set aside.
- Over medium heat, heat olive oil and cook the chicken seasoned with salt and pepper. Do/cook/season both sides. You don't become a winner by sticking to one side. Let the chicken cool and dice.
- Melt the butter in a skillet, whisk in the flour, and add the chicken broth and milk. Cook for 1-2 minutes. If you freeze the mixture, figure it out.
- Stir in the cream and garlic into the mixture for 1-2 minutes until thickened.
- Stir in the parmesan, chicken, and broccoli. Combine. This is the easiest step as it involves the least skill.
Conclusion:
They say a wise man thinks once before he speaks twice. This is wrong. I've only spoken my thoughts once and I've been correct every single time.