
Click here to go directly to the listing of teams and entries!
And with that, DEPARTMENTCON2022 comes to a quiet, celebratory close. In the near-two months this contest ran, we got 165 entries from 42 teams, of which 23 teams and their 124 entries ended up qualifying for victory. An incredible showing, by any margin — the biggest contest the wiki has ever had, in fact, by a margin of 20 entries (shoutout Jamcon 2020). Thank you to every single person who participated, whether you were able to qualify or just post, or even if you never posted and just read some of the fantastic entries (seriously, take it from someone who read all of them - they're great.). This is the first contest I've run on the site, and you guys and your insane, wacky departments made it one to remember.
And without further ado, the rankings:
🥇 FIRST PLACE 🥇
637 UPVOTES
Team Name: Marge is canonically incapable of farting
Department Name: Fire Suppression Department
Team Members: Uncle Nicolini (ˡᵉᵃᵈ ᶦᵐᵃᵍᶦⁿᵉᵉʳ),
UraniumEmpire,
T Rutherford
Entries:
- SCP-6630: Fire on the Horizon by
T Rutherford
- Life Insurance Policy by
Uncle Nicolini
- SCP-6355: A Choking Grip upon the Neck of Propriety by
UraniumEmpire and
T Rutherford
- Turn the lights off when you leave. by
UraniumEmpire
🥈 SECOND PLACE 🥈
504 UPVOTES
Team Name: Your Call Is Very Important To Us
Department Name: Telecommunications Monitoring Office
Team Members: Meserach (cpt)
Agente Shuffle
BattleblockB0ss
Entries:
Hanging On The Telephone
Picture This
Maria
For Your Eyes Only
WINTER
SCP-5783 - Accidents Never Happen
Atomic
Call Me
🥉 THIRD PLACE 🥉
439 UPVOTES
Team Name: Ruiz Duchamp Memorial Contest Team Memorial Contest Team
Department Name: Department of Interstellar Containment
Team Members: TyGently ᶜᵖᵗ,
ch00bakka,
GreenWolf
Entries:
- The Damocles Initiative (Hub)
- Stairway To The Stars by
ch00bakka
- Harvester of Eyes by
TyGently
- Workshop of the Telescopes by
GreenWolf and
TyGently
- SCP-6523 — The Machine (ISV Joyeuse) by
GreenWolf
- Fire of Unknown Origin by
ch00bakka,
GreenWolf and
TyGently
- Burnin' For You by
ch00bakka,
GreenWolf and
TyGently
- Stairway To The Stars by
- Secure Planet Dossier: Site Anvil by
GreenWolf and
TyGently
Place | Qualifying Team Name | Number of Entries | Votes (Top 5 Entries) | Additional Awards |
---|---|---|---|---|
1 | Marge is canonically incapable of farting | 4 | 636 | A Random Day Memorial Jamcon Award |
2 | Your Call Is Very Important To Us | 9 | 504 | Stans | > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That? |
3 | Ruiz Duchamp Memorial Contest Team Memorial Contest Team | 7 | 439 | Stans | > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That? |
4 | Fifth Suit | 6 | 415 | |
5 | Team Fortress 3 | 5 | 413 | > tale author |
6 | Can't Wait to See It As a Team | 7 | 336 | |
7 | The Wiggles Hate Each Other in Real Life | 4 | 330 | Stans | > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That? | A Random Day Memorial Jamcon Award |
8 | Ceci N'est Pas Une Pipe | 4 | 192 | |
9 | Whippersnappers | 4 | 179 | |
10 | No Keter Left Behind | 9 | 154 | |
11 | Xenophania | 5 | 142 | WWE WRESTLEMANIA SMACKDOWN CHAMPION |
12 | TBD | 4 | 142 | |
13 | Why yes! We do have feelings! | 7 | 138 | A Random Day Memorial Jamcon Award |
14 | Gun Go Pew Pew | 7 | 136 | |
15 | Heliocentrism | 4 | 136 | |
16 | Underpaid & Undercaffeinated | 5 | 122 | > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That? |
17 | I Saw God's Face. And You Won't Believe Me, Because It Was A Revolver Barrel. | 6 | 92 | > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That? |
18 | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) | 4 | 86 | |
19 | The Foehn Revolt | 4 | 74 | > tale author | A Random Day Memorial Jamcon Award |
20 | Wage War to Broker Peace | 5 | 70 | |
21 | Hindsight is 20/20, Foresight is 2022 | 5 | 56 | |
22 | Explaining The Magic | 4 | 48 | |
23 | Molar Power | 5 | 28 | > tale author | WWE WRESTLEMANIA SMACKDOWN CHAMPION |
Qualifying Teams, Unordered
Special Exemptions In Yellow
Team Name: Team Fortress 3
Department Name: Archival Division
Team Members: A Random Day (captain),
The Great Hippo,
Taffeta
Entries:
- You Can Say Hi
- The Slow Bullet
- Visions of Bodies Being Burned
- Zatoichi
- SCP-6190 — Through an Arbor, Darkly
Team Name: Whippersnappers
Department Name: Department of Youth — Night Terror Division
Team Members: Pedagonᶜᵖᵗ,
Luxaiko,
LORDXVNV
Entries:
Team Name: I Saw God's Face. And You Won't Believe Me, Because It Was A Revolver Barrel.
Department Name: Department of Applied Thaumatology
Team Members: Machen2,
DrGooday,
Roundaboutscpt
Entries:
Team Name: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Department Name: Department of Atypical Persuasion
Team Members: Captain Fish^12,
NebulousStar, and
Felixou
Entries:
- Ninth Circle by Felixou and Fish^12
- To My Past Self by NebulousStar
- SCP-6136, or two dudes chilling in an interrogation room, five feet apart cause theyre not happy by Fish^12
- Torture? I haven't even met her! by Fish^12
Team Name: Heliocentrism
Department Name: Interstellar Anomalies Unit (IAU)
Team Members: FluffyDog00(captain),
Nyelo,
CrystalMonarch
Entries:
Team Name: Wage War to Broker Peace
Department Name: Department of Advanced Diplomacy
Team Members: Zizeri (cpt),
LightlessLantern,
NDHeckfire
Entries:
- Your personal invitation to the Department of Advanced Diplomacy by
Zizeri
- SCP-6571 — RIGHTFULLY STOLEN by
NDHeckfire
- SCP-6795 — Project Umbra by
LightlessLantern
- SCP-6678 — Mineral Extraction by
LightlessLantern
- Buried Corpses by
Zizeri
Team Name: Xenophania
Department Name: Department of Extraversal Affairs
Team Members: Malvarik1 (Cpt),
Azmoeth Jikandia,
Aftokrator
Entries:
- SCP-6108: Schlemo's Wholesale — by
Malvarik1
- Dying in an Ocean of Money was Worth It: by
Azmoeth Jikandia
- SCP-6146: Sic Semper Cartago by
Aftokrator
- Extraversal Affairs and Me — by
Malvarik1
- SCP-5614: The Questing Stone by
Aftokrator
Team Name: The Wiggles Hate Each Other in Real Life
Department Name: Department of Unreality
Team Members: Deadly Bread ᶜᵖᵗ,
Elunerazim,
Fishish
Entries:
- The Afternoon (Department of Unreality Orientation) by
Fishish
- Your Imaginary Friend by
Fishish and
Deadly Bread
- Something Glowing by
Deadly Bread
- SCP-6208 - Amnesia Was Her Name by
Elunerazim and
Fishish
Team Name: Gun Go Pew Pew
Department Name: Department of Anomalous Weapons Development
Team Members: TopDownUnder ᶜᵖᵗ,
Cole 13,
Maxyfran73
Entries:
- War Machine by
TopDownUnder and
Maxyfran73
- An Orientation to the Department of Anomalous Weapons Development by
Maxyfran73
- SCP-6821 - Mujeres con Cabezas de Caballo by
TopDownUnder
- SCP-6410 - The Right Tool Kami by
Maxyfran73
- SCP-6946 - Corregidor by
Maxyfran73
- SCP-6114 - Returning to Our Roots by
Cole 13
- The Crow Gets the Last Laugh by
Maxyfran73
Team Name: Ruiz Duchamp Memorial Contest Team Memorial Contest Team
Department Name: Department of Interstellar Containment
Team Members: TyGently ᶜᵖᵗ,
ch00bakka,
GreenWolf
Entries:
- The Damocles Initiative (Hub)
- Stairway To The Stars by
ch00bakka
- Harvester of Eyes by
TyGently
- Workshop of the Telescopes by
GreenWolf and
TyGently
- SCP-6523 — The Machine (ISV Joyeuse) by
GreenWolf
- Fire of Unknown Origin by
ch00bakka,
GreenWolf and
TyGently
- Burnin' For You by
ch00bakka,
GreenWolf and
TyGently
- Stairway To The Stars by
- Secure Planet Dossier: Site Anvil by
GreenWolf and
TyGently
Team Name: Marge is canonically incapable of farting
Department Name: Fire Suppression Department
Team Members: Uncle Nicolini (ˡᵉᵃᵈ ᶦᵐᵃᵍᶦⁿᵉᵉʳ),
UraniumEmpire,
T Rutherford
Entries:
- SCP-6630: Fire on the Horizon by
T Rutherford
- Life Insurance Policy by
Uncle Nicolini
- SCP-6355: A Choking Grip upon the Neck of Propriety by
UraniumEmpire and
T Rutherford
- Turn the lights off when you leave. by
UraniumEmpire
Team Name: Hindsight is 20/20, Foresight is 2022
Department Name: The Department of Prescience
Team Members: Doctor Fullhamᶜᵖᵗ,
fairydoctor,
SketchyTh0ughts
Entries:
A Stitch in Time Saved Mine by Doctor Fullham
Self-Fulfilling Pity Party by fairydoctor
SCP-5746 by fairydoctor
SCP-6485 by SketchyTh0ughts
Secure Facility Dossier Site-∞ by fairydoctor
Team Name: Fifth Suit
Department Name: The Department of Other
Team Members: Rimpleᶜᵖᵗ,
OthellotheCat,
daveyoufool
Entries:
- And You Are? by Rimple
- SCP-5784: This Should Be A -J by OthellotheCat
- Just Misunderstood by
daveyoufool
- SCP-6774: paperclip. by Rimple
- SCP-8==D-J: Monster Containment for My Monumental Dong by OthellotheCat
- SCP-477-J: This Should Be A Mainlist by OthellotheCat and Rimple
Team Name: Can't Wait to See It As a Team
Department Name: Procurement and Liquidation
Team Members: Grigori Karpin ᶜᵖᵗ,
Ihp,
HarryBlank
Entries:
- Just Another Shop That Wasn't There by
Ihp
- SCP-6237: Oh, You Lucrative Devil by
Grigori Karpin
- Sunshine and Lucre by
HarryBlank
- SCP-6117: A Florida Woman by
Ihp
- SCP-6530: Plus Shipping and Handling by
Grigori Karpin and
Ihp
- SCP-6261: Magequest: Prison of Circe by
Ihp
- SCP-6318: The Fungible Fungus by
Ihp
Not for contest consideration:
- Secure Facility Dossier: Site-106 - our hub, by
Ihp,
HarryBlank and
Grigori Karpin
Team Name: The Foehn Revolt
Department Name: Eduskip Division
Team Members: UnnaHuz (Cpt),
KirQ,
AWeirdBird
Entries:
Team Name: Underpaid & Undercaffeinated
Department Name: Logistics and Transportation Department
Team Members: MarcusLCrassus (CPT),
Donnerino,
Trotskyeet
Entries:
Team Name: Why yes! We do have feelings!
Department Name: Anomalous Entity Engagement Division
Team Members: winkwonkboicpt,
GreenGolem,
Deadcanons
Entries:
Hub: Secure Facility Dossier: Site-169 — written by Deadcanons
- Anomalous Entity Engagement Division Orientation — written by
winkwonkboi
- SUN TALK? — written by
Deadcanons
- SCP-6714: For Duck's Sake! — written by
winkwonkboi
- SCP-6925: Jailbreak — written by
GreenGolem
- Routine Tragedies — written by
GreenGolem
- SCP-6245: Sweet Tooth Sammy — written by
winkwonkboi
Team Name: TBD
Department Name: Department of Logistics
Team Members: Nickthebrick1
LizardWizard
Jack Ikecpt
Entries:
Team Name: Your Call Is Very Important To Us
Department Name: Telecommunications Monitoring Office
Team Members: Meserach (cpt)
Agente Shuffle
BattleblockB0ss
Entries:
Hanging On The Telephone
Picture This
Maria
For Your Eyes Only
WINTER
SCP-5783 - Accidents Never Happen
Atomic
Call Me
Team Name: Explaining The Magic
Department Name: Explanation and Research Department
Team Members: Ethagon,cptn
Einer von Rabe,
Brian Hope
Entries:
- SCP-6192 - Mirrors Out-Of-Use by
Ethagon
- SCP-6192-1-EX - Mirror Inspection by
Ethagon and
Einer von Rabe
- Mirror in your Mind by
Einer von Rabe
- To Whom It May Concern by
Brian Hope
Team Name: No Keter Left Behind
Department Name: Reintegration Committee
Team Members: Rhys TannerCPT, Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name,
Monsoon Season
Entries:
- Welcome to the Last Frontier by
Rhys Tanner and Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name
- Reintegration Aptitude Test for the College Level, 2022 Edition by Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name
- To the Office of Dr. Tau, Paratherapist by Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name and
Monsoon Season
- A Date Which Will Live In Infamy by Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name
- SCP-6738: so smoothly d o th he cr est. a wi nd g o d ! by Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name
- SCP-6737: Come Fly With Me by Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name
- SCP-6736: Enter the Salamancers by
Rhys Tanner and Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name
- SCP-5578: A Terrible Thing To Waste by
Monsoon Season
- SCP-5489: I, Nixon by Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name
Team Name: Molar Power
Department Name: Department of Oral Hygiene
Team Members: DrDromeus ᶜᵖᵗ,
Spider_Jaws,
ApocalypticPotato
Entries:
First Day at the Department of Oral Hygiene by DrDromeus
A Typical Visit to the Dentist by Spider_Jaws
Secure Facility Dossier Site-17A by Spider_Jaws
The Value of Proper Dental Care by Spider_Jaws
SCP-6798: Dental Implant by ApocalypticPotato
Team Name: Ceci N'est Pas Une Pipe
Department Name: Department of Surrealistics
Team Members: CompleteIndie,
MontagueETCᶜᵖᵗ,
UncannyClown276
Entries:
Department of Surrealistics Orientation by UncannyClown276
SCP-⌘ — Beneath the Shivering Kingdom by MontagueETC
SCP-5763 — I dreamt I was a butterfly. by CompleteIndie
SCP-6454 — The Painting That Ate Paris, Texas by MontagueETC
Goddamn, that's a lot of entries! An excellent showing of 23 teams with 165 entries. But a lot of our teams also posted work, if not enough to qualify. That doesn't mean the work is any worse, though - throw a look to the other, nonqualifying teams:
Non-qualifying Teams (with at least one entry)
Team Name: Let's Make Some Treble, Here's Our Bass
Department Name: Department of Musicals
Team Members: CelesteKara does not match any existing user name ᶜᵖᵗ, Oboebandgeek99,
GerrymanderBassist
Entries:
Team Name: We Interrupt This Program
Department Name: Department of Anomalous Broadcasting
Team Members: Nykacolaquantum does not match any existing user name (CPT), Lt Flops, Pastarasta1 does not match any existing user name
Entries:
- And Now, Our Feature Presentation... by Nykacolaquantum does not match any existing user name
Team Name: Mission: Impossible
Department Name: Specialized Anomaly Recovery, Covert Operations Group [SAR/COG]
Team Members: JackalRelated ᶜᵖᵗ │
notgull │
Dysadron
Entries:
- SCP-6904 by Agent
notgull
- Dead Reckoning by Agent
notgull
- Wind in the Sails by Agent
notgull
- SCP-6973 by Field Operative
Dysadron
Team Name: Insomnia
Department Name: Department of Cryptozoology
Team Members: EthanHanson (captain),
Luis Gm,
oniricshogunsoldier
Entries:
Team Name: Poggertory
Department Name: Department of Purgatorial Spaces
Team Members: Jack Waltz,
basirskipreader,
CephalopodStevensoncpt
Entries:
- You Can Check Out Any Time You Like —
basirskipreader
- SCP-6963: It’s All Been Wasted Time —
basirskipreader and
Jack Waltz
- SCP-5258: Stirrin’ Slowly Cross the Sky, I Said Goodbye —
Jack Waltz
- SCP-6945: A Rainbow Above You —
basirskipreader
Team Name: Team Spirit
Department Name: Departed Department
Team Members: Lamentte (cpt),
GremlinGroup,
Its a Bad Idea
Entries:
- SCP-6368: Dead-End Job by
GremlinGroup
- Life And Limb by
Its a Bad Idea
Team Name: The Fair Folk
Department Name: Department of Mythology and Folklore
Team Members: Tanhony (cpt),
Dr Leonerd,
Dr Moned
Entries:
Team Name: The Multiplicity
Department Name: Department of One
Team Members: Modulum (cpt),
pr0m37h3um,
stormbreath
Entries:
- SCP-6511: OBLIVION ACCESS — by
Modulum and
pr0m37h3um
Team Name: Team [COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT]
Department Name: Department of Ontokinetics
Team Members: Ralliston (captain),
JakdragonX,
Limeyy
Entries:
- SCP-6172: Escapism — by
Ralliston
- Stranded Lullaby — by
Ralliston
Team Name: Statements Dreamed Up by the Utterly Deranged
Department Name: Accounting Department
Team Members: Cassandra_Prime ᶜᵖᵗ,
Rhineriver,
RosySaturniidae
Entries:
Team Name: Greazey Peasy
Department Name: Greazeburger Investigation Team
Team Members: Kensing ᶜᵖᵗ,
Mooagain ,
Quadraginta
Entries:
Team Name: An Apple A Day
Department Name: Medical Department
Team Members: R4_EXcaptain,
Tstaffor,
OriTiefling
Entries:
- SCP-6619: Birthing Pains- By
OriTiefling
- SCP-6621: Los Niños que Comieron Maíz Crudo- By
OriTiefling
Team Name: ClockBlock
Department Name: The Precognition Division
Team Members: Marcelles_raynes does not match any existing user name Capt. Calibold
FlameShirt
Entries:
Team Name: Vegas Underground
Department Name: Department of Recreation
Team Members: RuraScarlet (captain),
Douglas-MA,
Slyedog
Entries:
Team Name: Ghostlimats
Department Name: Department of Spectral Affairs
Team Members: NotOrteil
ambyshframber (Look at me. I'm the Captain now) AHJack does not match any existing user name
Entries:
Welcome to Spectral Affairs by: NotOrteil and
ambyshframber
SCP-6403: An Undead Robot living Underneath Crete in Site-237's basement by: NotOrteil
Team Name: Bug City
Department Name: Department of Entomology
Team Members: RadiantGold cptn,
REDESERT,
Stealth000
Entries:
Team Name: Great Circle
Department Name: Recruitment Division
Team Members: bigslothonmyface (Captain),
dxvi,
Ecronak
Entries:
Team Name: Boo ah ghosts so spooky
Department Name: Department of Eidophysics
Team Members: Voiiiii cap,
AdrienRion,
ClownSlayer
Entries:
The Anatomy Of A Specter - by Voiiiii
The Personal Recordings of Doctor Wilcastle of the Department of Eidophysics - by ClownSlayer
Welcome to Ghost Theory - by Voiiiii
Team Name: 苦力怕殺手クリーパースレイヤーズ
Department Name: Minecraft Division
Team Members: tetsusquaredCaptain/Liaison Chief, RuRItech,
Jiu_Huan
Entries:
Team Name: Faustian Jargon
Department Name: Department of Demonics
Team Members: drblackbox does not match any existing user name, West246,
RealSurrealSirᶜᵖᵗ
Entries:
1. scp-6566 - Build-a-Boar Workshop!
2. Tale: The Grimmest Grimoire and the Perilous Parrot
And, finally, shoutout to our silent teams that were, for whatever reason, unable to produce anything for the contest. There's always next time!
Contest rules based off Doomsday Contest rules by ARD and ProcyonLotor and Mobile Task Force Contest rules by Decibelles.