DEPARTMENT-CON 2022
DEPTCON2022.png

by Agent WhitneyAgent Whitney

Click here to go directly to the listing of teams and entries!

And with that, DEPARTMENTCON2022 comes to a quiet, celebratory close. In the near-two months this contest ran, we got 165 entries from 42 teams, of which 23 teams and their 124 entries ended up qualifying for victory. An incredible showing, by any margin — the biggest contest the wiki has ever had, in fact, by a margin of 20 entries (shoutout Jamcon 2020). Thank you to every single person who participated, whether you were able to qualify or just post, or even if you never posted and just read some of the fantastic entries (seriously, take it from someone who read all of them - they're great.). This is the first contest I've run on the site, and you guys and your insane, wacky departments made it one to remember.

And without further ado, the rankings:

🥇 FIRST PLACE 🥇

637 UPVOTES

Team Name: Marge is canonically incapable of farting

Department Name: Fire Suppression Department
Team Members: Uncle NicoliniUncle Nicolini (ˡᵉᵃᵈ ᶦᵐᵃᵍᶦⁿᵉᵉʳ), UraniumEmpireUraniumEmpire, T RutherfordT Rutherford

Entries:

🥈 SECOND PLACE 🥈

504 UPVOTES

Team Name: Your Call Is Very Important To Us

Department Name: Telecommunications Monitoring Office
Team Members: MeserachMeserach (cpt)Agente ShuffleAgente Shuffle BattleblockB0ssBattleblockB0ss

Entries:

Hanging On The Telephone
Picture This
Maria
For Your Eyes Only
WINTER
SCP-5783 - Accidents Never Happen
Atomic
Call Me

🥉 THIRD PLACE 🥉

439 UPVOTES

Team Name: Ruiz Duchamp Memorial Contest Team Memorial Contest Team

Department Name: Department of Interstellar Containment
Team Members: TyGentlyTyGently ᶜᵖᵗ, ch00bakkach00bakka, GreenWolfGreenWolf

Entries:

Place Qualifying Team Name Number of Entries Votes (Top 5 Entries) Additional Awards
1 Marge is canonically incapable of farting 4 636 A Random Day Memorial Jamcon Award
2 Your Call Is Very Important To Us 9 504 Stans | > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That?
3 Ruiz Duchamp Memorial Contest Team Memorial Contest Team 7 439 Stans | > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That?
4 Fifth Suit 6 415
5 Team Fortress 3 5 413 > tale author
6 Can't Wait to See It As a Team 7 336
7 The Wiggles Hate Each Other in Real Life 4 330 Stans | > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That? | A Random Day Memorial Jamcon Award
8 Ceci N'est Pas Une Pipe 4 192
9 Whippersnappers 4 179
10 No Keter Left Behind 9 154
11 Xenophania 5 142 WWE WRESTLEMANIA SMACKDOWN CHAMPION
12 TBD 4 142
13 Why yes! We do have feelings! 7 138 A Random Day Memorial Jamcon Award
14 Gun Go Pew Pew 7 136
15 Heliocentrism 4 136
16 Underpaid & Undercaffeinated 5 122 > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That?
17 I Saw God's Face. And You Won't Believe Me, Because It Was A Revolver Barrel. 6 92 > tale author | Wait, We Can Do That?
18 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) 4 86
19 The Foehn Revolt 4 74 > tale author | A Random Day Memorial Jamcon Award
20 Wage War to Broker Peace 5 70
21 Hindsight is 20/20, Foresight is 2022 5 56
22 Explaining The Magic 4 48
23 Molar Power 5 28 > tale author | WWE WRESTLEMANIA SMACKDOWN CHAMPION


Qualifying Teams, Unordered

Special Exemptions In Yellow

Team Name: Team Fortress 3

Department Name: Archival Division
Team Members: A Random DayA Random Day (captain), The Great HippoThe Great Hippo, TaffetaTaffeta

Entries:

  1. You Can Say Hi
  2. The Slow Bullet
  3. Visions of Bodies Being Burned
  4. Zatoichi
  5. SCP-6190 — Through an Arbor, Darkly

Team Name: Whippersnappers

Department Name: Department of Youth — Night Terror Division
Team Members: PedagonPedagonᶜᵖᵗ, LuxaikoLuxaiko, LORDXVNVLORDXVNV

Entries:

  1. Life Can Be A Surprise
  2. Man On A Mission
  3. Wake Up
  4. Teamwork

Team Name: I Saw God's Face. And You Won't Believe Me, Because It Was A Revolver Barrel.

Department Name: Department of Applied Thaumatology
Team Members: Machen2Machen2, DrGoodayDrGooday, RoundaboutsRoundaboutscpt

Entries:

Team Name: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Department Name: Department of Atypical Persuasion
Team Members: Captain Fish^12Fish^12, NebulousStarNebulousStar, and FelixouFelixou

Entries:

Team Name: Heliocentrism

Department Name: Interstellar Anomalies Unit (IAU)
Team Members: FluffyDog00FluffyDog00(captain), NyeloNyelo, CrystalMonarchCrystalMonarch

Entries:

Team Name: Wage War to Broker Peace

Department Name: Department of Advanced Diplomacy
Team Members: ZizeriZizeri (cpt), LightlessLanternLightlessLantern, NDHeckfireNDHeckfire

Entries:

Team Name: Xenophania

Department Name: Department of Extraversal Affairs
Team Members: Malvarik1Malvarik1 (Cpt), Azmoeth JikandiaAzmoeth Jikandia, AftokratorAftokrator

Entries:

  1. SCP-6108: Schlemo's Wholesale — by Malvarik1Malvarik1
  2. Dying in an Ocean of Money was Worth It: by Azmoeth JikandiaAzmoeth Jikandia
  3. SCP-6146: Sic Semper Cartago by AftokratorAftokrator
  4. Extraversal Affairs and Me — by Malvarik1Malvarik1
  5. SCP-5614: The Questing Stone by AftokratorAftokrator

Team Name: The Wiggles Hate Each Other in Real Life

Department Name: Department of Unreality
Team Members: Deadly BreadDeadly Bread ᶜᵖᵗ, ElunerazimElunerazim, FishishFishish

Entries:

Team Name: Gun Go Pew Pew

Department Name: Department of Anomalous Weapons Development
Team Members: TopDownUnderTopDownUnder ᶜᵖᵗ, Cole 13Cole 13, Maxyfran73Maxyfran73

Entries:

Team Name: Ruiz Duchamp Memorial Contest Team Memorial Contest Team

Department Name: Department of Interstellar Containment
Team Members: TyGentlyTyGently ᶜᵖᵗ, ch00bakkach00bakka, GreenWolfGreenWolf

Entries:

Team Name: Marge is canonically incapable of farting

Department Name: Fire Suppression Department
Team Members: Uncle NicoliniUncle Nicolini (ˡᵉᵃᵈ ᶦᵐᵃᵍᶦⁿᵉᵉʳ), UraniumEmpireUraniumEmpire, T RutherfordT Rutherford

Entries:

Team Name: Hindsight is 20/20, Foresight is 2022

Department Name: The Department of Prescience
Team Members: Doctor FullhamDoctor Fullhamᶜᵖᵗ, fairydoctorfairydoctor, SketchyTh0ughtsSketchyTh0ughts

Entries:

A Stitch in Time Saved Mine by Doctor FullhamDoctor Fullham
Self-Fulfilling Pity Party by fairydoctorfairydoctor
SCP-5746 by fairydoctorfairydoctor
SCP-6485 by SketchyTh0ughtsSketchyTh0ughts
Secure Facility Dossier Site-∞ by fairydoctorfairydoctor

Team Name: Fifth Suit

Department Name: The Department of Other
Team Members: RimpleRimpleᶜᵖᵗ, OthellotheCatOthellotheCat, daveyoufooldaveyoufool

Entries:

Team Name: Can't Wait to See It As a Team

Department Name: Procurement and Liquidation
Team Members: Grigori KarpinGrigori Karpin ᶜᵖᵗ, IhpIhp, HarryBlankHarryBlank

Entries:

Not for contest consideration:

Team Name: The Foehn Revolt

Department Name: Eduskip Division
Team Members: UnnaHuzUnnaHuz (Cpt), KirQKirQ, AWeirdBirdAWeirdBird

Entries:

Team Name: Underpaid & Undercaffeinated

Department Name: Logistics and Transportation Department
Team Members: MarcusLCrassusMarcusLCrassus (CPT), DonnerinoDonnerino, TrotskyeetTrotskyeet

Entries:

Team Name: Why yes! We do have feelings!

Department Name: Anomalous Entity Engagement Division
Team Members: winkwonkboiwinkwonkboicpt, GreenGolemGreenGolem, DeadcanonsDeadcanons

Entries:

Hub: Secure Facility Dossier: Site-169 — written by DeadcanonsDeadcanons

Team Name: TBD

Department Name: Department of Logistics
Team Members: Nickthebrick1Nickthebrick1 LizardWizardLizardWizard Jack IkeJack Ikecpt

Entries:

  1. Crash and Burn — by LizardWizardLizardWizard
  2. SCP-6122- Snakes n' Ladders by Nickthebrick1Nickthebrick1
  3. SCP-6943- Shootout In Chicago by Jack IkeJack Ike
  4. SCP-6934- Saint Elmo's Fire by Jack IkeJack Ike

Team Name: Your Call Is Very Important To Us

Department Name: Telecommunications Monitoring Office
Team Members: MeserachMeserach (cpt)Agente ShuffleAgente Shuffle BattleblockB0ssBattleblockB0ss

Entries:

Hanging On The Telephone
Picture This
Maria
For Your Eyes Only
WINTER
SCP-5783 - Accidents Never Happen
Atomic
Call Me

Team Name: Explaining The Magic

Department Name: Explanation and Research Department
Team Members: EthagonEthagon,cptn Einer von RabeEiner von Rabe, Brian HopeBrian Hope

Entries:

Team Name: No Keter Left Behind

Department Name: Reintegration Committee
Team Members: Rhys TannerRhys TannerCPT, Dr Phil McClaw does not match any existing user name, Monsoon SeasonMonsoon Season

Entries:

Team Name: Molar Power

Department Name: Department of Oral Hygiene
Team Members: DrDromeusDrDromeus ᶜᵖᵗ, Spider_JawsSpider_Jaws, ApocalypticPotato ApocalypticPotato

Entries:

First Day at the Department of Oral Hygiene by DrDromeusDrDromeus
A Typical Visit to the Dentist by Spider_JawsSpider_Jaws
Secure Facility Dossier Site-17A by Spider_Jaws
The Value of Proper Dental Care by Spider_JawsSpider_Jaws
SCP-6798: Dental Implant by ApocalypticPotato ApocalypticPotato

Team Name: Ceci N'est Pas Une Pipe

Department Name: Department of Surrealistics
Team Members: CompleteIndieCompleteIndie, MontagueETCMontagueETCᶜᵖᵗ, UncannyClown276UncannyClown276

Entries:

Department of Surrealistics Orientation by UncannyClown276UncannyClown276
SCP-⌘ — Beneath the Shivering Kingdom by MontagueETCMontagueETC
SCP-5763 — I dreamt I was a butterfly. by CompleteIndieCompleteIndie
SCP-6454 — The Painting That Ate Paris, Texas by MontagueETCMontagueETC

Goddamn, that's a lot of entries! An excellent showing of 23 teams with 165 entries. But a lot of our teams also posted work, if not enough to qualify. That doesn't mean the work is any worse, though - throw a look to the other, nonqualifying teams:

Non-qualifying Teams (with at least one entry)

Team Name: Let's Make Some Treble, Here's Our Bass

Department Name: Department of Musicals
Team Members: CelesteKara does not match any existing user name ᶜᵖᵗ, Oboebandgeek99Oboebandgeek99, GerrymanderBassistGerrymanderBassist

Entries:

Team Name: We Interrupt This Program

Department Name: Department of Anomalous Broadcasting
Team Members: Nykacolaquantum does not match any existing user name (CPT), Lt FlopsLt Flops, Pastarasta1 does not match any existing user name

Entries:

Team Name: Mission: Impossible

Department Name: Specialized Anomaly Recovery, Covert Operations Group [SAR/COG]
Team Members: JackalRelatedJackalRelated ᶜᵖᵗ │ notgullnotgull │ DysadronDysadron

Entries:

Team Name: Insomnia

Department Name: Department of Cryptozoology
Team Members: EthanHansonEthanHanson (captain), Luis GmLuis Gm, oniricshogunsoldieroniricshogunsoldier

Entries:

Team Name: Poggertory

Department Name: Department of Purgatorial Spaces
Team Members: Jack WaltzJack Waltz, basirskipreaderbasirskipreader, CephalopodStevensonCephalopodStevensoncpt

Entries:

Team Name: Team Spirit

Department Name: Departed Department
Team Members: LamentteLamentte (cpt), GremlinGroupGremlinGroup, Its a Bad IdeaIts a Bad Idea

Entries:

Team Name: The Fair Folk

Department Name: Department of Mythology and Folklore
Team Members: TanhonyTanhony (cpt), Dr LeonerdDr Leonerd, Dr MonedDr Moned

Entries:

Team Name: The Multiplicity

Department Name: Department of One
Team Members: ModulumModulum (cpt), pr0m37h3umpr0m37h3um, stormbreathstormbreath

Entries:

  1. SCP-6511: OBLIVION ACCESS — by ModulumModulum and pr0m37h3umpr0m37h3um

Team Name: Team [COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT]

Department Name: Department of Ontokinetics
Team Members: RallistonRalliston (captain), JakdragonXJakdragonX, LimeyyLimeyy

Entries:

  1. SCP-6172: Introduction to the Snow — by RallistonRalliston
  2. Stranded Lullaby — by RallistonRalliston

Team Name: Statements Dreamed Up by the Utterly Deranged

Department Name: Accounting Department
Team Members: Cassandra_Prime does not match any existing user name ᶜᵖᵗ, RhineriverRhineriver, RosySaturniidaeRosySaturniidae

Entries:

Team Name: Greazey Peasy

Department Name: Greazeburger Investigation Team
Team Members: KensingKensing ᶜᵖᵗ, Mooagain Mooagain , QuadragintaQuadraginta

Entries:

Team Name: An Apple A Day

Department Name: Medical Department
Team Members: R4_EXR4_EXcaptain, TstafforTstaffor, OriTieflingOriTiefling

Entries:

Team Name: ClockBlock

Department Name: The Precognition Division
Team Members: Marcelles_raynes does not match any existing user name Capt. CaliboldCalibold FlameShirtFlameShirt

Entries:

Team Name: Vegas Underground

Department Name: Department of Recreation
Team Members: RuraScarletRuraScarlet (captain), Douglas-MADouglas-MA, SlyedogSlyedog

Entries:

SCP-6980

Team Name: Ghostlimats

Department Name: Department of Spectral Affairs
Team Members: NotOrteilNotOrteil ambyshframberambyshframber (Look at me. I'm the Captain now) AHJack does not match any existing user name

Entries:

Welcome to Spectral Affairs by: NotOrteilNotOrteil and ambyshframberambyshframber

SCP-6403: An Undead Robot living Underneath Crete in Site-237's basement by: NotOrteilNotOrteil

Team Name: Bug City

Department Name: Department of Entomology
Team Members: RadiantGoldRadiantGold cptn, REDESERTREDESERT, Stealth000 does not match any existing user name

Entries:

Team Name: Great Circle

Department Name: Recruitment Division
Team Members: bigslothonmyfacebigslothonmyface (Captain), dxvidxvi, EcronakEcronak

Entries:

Team Name: Boo ah ghosts so spooky

Department Name: Department of Eidophysics
Team Members: VoiiiiiVoiiiii cap, AdrienRionAdrienRion, ClownSlayerClownSlayer

Entries:

The Anatomy Of A Specter - by VoiiiiiVoiiiii
The Personal Recordings of Doctor Wilcastle of the Department of Eidophysics - by ClownSlayerClownSlayer
Welcome to Ghost Theory - by VoiiiiiVoiiiii

Team Name: 苦力怕殺手クリーパースレイヤーズ

Department Name: Minecraft Division
Team Members: tetsusquaredtetsusquaredCaptain/Liaison Chief, RuRItech, Jiu_HuanJiu_Huan

Entries:

Team Name: Faustian Jargon

Department Name: Department of Demonics
Team Members: drblackbox does not match any existing user name, West246West246, RealSurrealSirRealSurrealSirᶜᵖᵗ

Entries:

1. scp-6566 - Build-a-Boar Workshop!
2. Tale: The Grimmest Grimoire and the Perilous Parrot

And, finally, shoutout to our silent teams that were, for whatever reason, unable to produce anything for the contest. There's always next time!

List of Non-posting Teams
Want to read the contest rules?

Contest rules based off Doomsday Contest rules by ARD and ProcyonLotor and Mobile Task Force Contest rules by Decibelles.

Footnotes
‡ Licensing / Citation
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