Articles
Originals
Singleplayer articles, without intervention from contest nor canon nor collaboration.
Page | SCP-3939 | Title | [NUMBER RESERVED; AWAITING RESEARCHER] |
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Rating | +937 | Notes | March 2018 #2; most Offset pages (65) |
Published | 15 Mar 2018 02:15 | Format screw? | Oh yeah |
Summary | A multiple choice story in which you, ████ ████████, a disgraced researcher, must discover what SCP-3939 really is. |
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Quote | "I quit." he tells you. "I fucking quit. I'm done here. I'm done with you. I'm done with 3939. I'm done with the Foundation. I'm done with fuckers like you getting to Class 4. You'll make a great O5 someday, you know that? Fuck you. Fuck you, ████." |
Last comment | #79 from U52 on 13 Mar 2024 20:15 |
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Page | SCP-3211 | Title | There Is No Canon |
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Rating | +847 | Notes | Longest SCP (by number of characters in the page source) |
Published | 15 Apr 2018 22:31 | Format screw? | Hella |
Summary | Hidden behind your phone or computer screen, you're usually safe from antimemetic SCPs. But 3211? No no no. 3211 is different. |
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Quote | By proceeding to read this document you acknowledge and accept that you are about to be exposed to an anomalous effect. |
Last comment | #64 from Vikkiiiii on 07 May 2023 00:44 |
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Page | SCP-5251 | Title | Flax |
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Rating | +243 | Notes | coldpost |
Published | 21 Aug 2020 03:33 | Format screw? | You bet |
Summary | We knew what it was. Once. |
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Quote | Do not discuss it. Do not describe it. If you see it, stand still and shut the fuck up. |
Last comment | #67 from theUnfunnyOne on 24 Jul 2023 20:06 |
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Collaborations
Articles I've worked on with my friends (other than contest collabs).
Page | SCP-3790 | Title | Department of Abnormalities |
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Rating | +768 | Written with | djkaktus |
Published | 08 Jun 2018 17:28 | Format screw? | No |
Summary | At the end of a corridor, an elevator takes you to you a quiet, dark place. |
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Quote | A pedestal rests in the middle of the chamber. Four parallel lines in the dust, consistent with finger marks, imply that whatever was upon it has recently been removed. |
Last comment | #118 from Pet_Mudstone on 12 Jan 2024 05:02 |
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Page | Turbo Vision Theme | Page type | Theme |
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Rating | +101 | Written in | CSS |
Published | 06 Mar 2021 21:50 | Made for | ??? |
Summary | A theme that looks like a DOS terminal. |
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Quote | CSS […] is […] very […] terrible |
Last comment | #15 from YellowISlol on 23 Mar 2021 16:25 |
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Canon Renaissance 2020 entries
Written to inject new life into the Rat's Nest canon.
Page | Ambrose Vienna: An Out-of-Mind Experience | Written for | CanonCon 2020 |
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Rating | +136 | Ulterior motive #1 | Complete Ambrose overhaul |
Published | 03 Oct 2020 23:16 | Ulterior motive #2 | Vienna pictures usage |
Summary | A typical restaurant review takes a dark turn when Eden Bumaro succumbs to a custom-made malicious force. |
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Quote | You’re destined for this pasta. Your sole meaning in life, the divine purpose of your creation, is to consume this pasta. |
Last comment | #13 from MissAdjusted on 09 Oct 2022 19:04 |
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Doomsday 2018 entries
Written to jumpstart the newly-formed End of Death canon.
Page | End of Death Hub | Written with | Captain Kirby, OthellotheCat and Veiedhimaedhr |
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Rating | +584 | Written for | Doomsday Contest |
Published | 27 May 2018 17:44 | Format screw? | No, but nice art |
Summary | One day, people stopped dying. Joyce Michaels is pretty pissed off about it. |
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Quote | Scenario Designation: ΩK-Class. Likelihood: Near Impossible. Severity: Survivable. |
Last comment | #57 from Palias on 17 May 2023 19:08 |
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Page | SCP-3984 | Title | Poking Death with a Stick |
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Rating | +481 | Written for | End of Death |
Published | 19 May 2018 18:31 | Format screw? | Yeah |
Summary | When death breaks… poke it with a stick. |
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Quote | One round from a standard-issue security handgun was fired into the forehead of D-10273 by Dr. Young. |
Last comment | #41 from SleazeCinemaEnjoyer on 10 Feb 2024 04:00 |
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Page | ΩK | Length | 4688 words |
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Rating | +279 | Written for | End of Death |
Published | 29 May 2018 18:11 | Format screw? | It's a tale |
Summary | It's the end of the world, but you still have to go to work in the morning. |
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Quote | "I just find it funny how this is a K-class scenario and all, but the mundane day-to-day stuff just carries on." |
Last comment | #16 from LTVA on 13 Sep 2020 06:24 |
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Page | Tales of the Ethics Committee: 5 Reasons The Foundation Wants A Robot Army | Written with | Captain Kirby, OthellotheCat and Veiedhimaedhr |
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Rating | +220 | Written for | End of Death |
Published | 09 Jun 2018 05:57 | Format screw? | TALE |
Summary | Three GoIs come together to discuss a long-term solution. Performed as a real chat and transcripted with only minor edits. |
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Quote | Young: Even I have to admit that we do have to retain some humanity for this to be marketable. |
Last comment | #22 from Raptie on 15 Jun 2023 06:19 |
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CSS Themes
Custom themes to add a splash of visual flair to any page.
Page | Anderson Robotics Theme | Page type | Theme |
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Rating | +58 | Written in | CSS |
Published | 11 Sep 2018 00:53 | Made for | Guess |
Summary | A CSS theme for Anderson Robotics articles. |
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Quote | div[style="display: none;"] { display: block !important; } |
Last comment | #8 from Ralliston on 25 Jan 2021 18:44 |
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Page | Swirling Ashes Theme | Page type | Theme |
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Rating | +69 | Written in | CSS |
Published | 25 Sep 2020 16:42 | Made for | Rat's Nest |
Summary | A view over the smoggy city at the end of the world. |
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Quote | 0%, 85%, 96%, 100% { opacity: var(—ashes-opacity); } 88.66%, 92.33% { opacity: 0.1; } |
Last comment | #6 from DarkShadow7373 on 13 Aug 2021 02:53 |
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Page | Inkblot Theme (Waldon Studio Theme) | Page type | Theme |
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Rating | +91 | Written in | CSS |
Published | 03 Oct 2020 23:13 | Made for | Ambrose |
Summary | A fresh take on the mistreated Ambrose format. |
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Quote | {$quote} |
Last comment | #11 from DrValgard on 16 Feb 2022 20:20 |
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Components
Modular tools to add functionality to an article.
Page | Earthworm Series Navigator | Page type | component |
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Rating | +26 | Written in | CSS |
Published | 11 May 2018 01:48 | Format screw? | Why not |
Summary | A more decorative series navigator to replace cheap plaintext ones. Instructions for use are in the author comment. |
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Quote | .earthworm div:nth-child(2).no a, .earthworm a[href="/"] { color: #333; text-decoration: none; cursor: text; pointer-events: none; } |
Last comment | #2 from Croquembouche on 06 Oct 2018 03:24 |
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Page | Timezone Converter | Page type | component |
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Rating | +14 | Written in | JS |
Published | 27 Mar 2020 03:52 | Why bother? | EST annoys me |
Summary | A tool to convert a time and timezone to the reader's native timezone. |
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Quote | document.documentElement.style.display = 'none'; |
Last comment | #0 from on |
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Page | Theme Squares | Page type | component |
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Rating | +14 | Written in | CSS |
Published | 11 Sep 2020 21:24 | Why bother? | sick of scrolling through colours code |
Summary | A componentised version of Woedenaz's theme colour squares. |
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Quote | >[!-{$-} |
Last comment | #0 from on |
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Page | Papers, Pages and Post-it Notes | Page type | component |
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Rating | +23 | Written in | CSS + JS |
Published | 05 Oct 2020 06:31 | Why bother? | Pagination good |
Summary | A pagination generator that (potentially) accepts a wide range of formats. |
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Quote | {$quote} |
Last comment | #1 from Croquembouche on 05 Oct 2020 06:31 |
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Page | Image Carousel | Page type | component |
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Rating | +20 | Written in | {$text-2} |
Published | 15 Dec 2020 22:52 | {$title-3} | {$text-3} |
Summary | {$summary} |
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Quote | {$quote} |
Last comment | #5 from Croquembouche on 04 May 2022 18:23 |
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Page | Croqstyle CSS | Page type | component |
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Rating | +28 | Written in | {$text-2} |
Published | 12 Mar 2021 03:38 | {$title-3} | {$text-3} |
Summary | {$summary} |
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Quote | {$quote} |
Last comment | #1 from Lt Flops on 12 Mar 2021 03:47 |
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Other Articles
I couldn't be bothered to make a new tab for any of these.
Page | cone | Page type | Author |
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Rating | +174 | Please rate | Please |
Published | 03 Jun 2018 05:54 | Format screw? | Unsure |
Summary | A collection of articles written by Croquembouche. |
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Quote | A collection of articles written by Croquembouche. |
Last comment | #25 from KirQ on 16 Oct 2021 06:58 |
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Page | Site News Title Fetcher | Page type | "component" |
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Rating | +3 | Written in | Javascript |
Published | 13 Jun 2018 12:44 | Made for | Site News |
Summary | A tool to automagically fetch SCP titles to make it easier to update the Site News. |
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Quote | if(list.scps[j].toUpperCase() == splits[0].toUpperCase()) { vlog("Found a match for " + list.scps[j] + " (" + splits[1] + ")"); list.lines[j] = list.lines[j].replace("%%actual-title%%",splits[1]); }; |
Last comment | #2 from DrMagnus on 13 Jun 2018 13:01 |
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Page | ListPages Magic and You | Page type | "Guide" |
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Rating | +189 | Written in | English |
Published | 11 Aug 2018 02:22 | Format screw? | No |
Summary | A guide to using ListPages both for Listing Pages and doing LPT. |
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Quote | Don't have a clue what any of that means? That's fine — that's what this guide is for. |
Last comment | #21 from (user deleted) on 09 Nov 2023 22:33 |
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Page | Top Rated Pages By Year | Page type | "component" |
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Rating | +26 | Written in | Javascript |
Published | 02 Nov 2018 18:09 | Made for | Site News |
Summary | {$summary} |
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Quote | {$quote} |
Last comment | #5 from Zyn on 29 Apr 2020 04:15 |
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- Suggested the interactive tag
- Created the site logo for Pride Month 2018
- JS Technical Staff (25th June 2018 to 18th Feb 2019)
- Made the banner for the GRU "P" Hub
- Suggested the theme tag
- Made a tool for checking which pages need the _image tag
- Assisted in the creation of an author page tool with W Asriel (documentation)
- Fixed the broken Staff Identification userscript
- Ported the Info module from JP/DE
- Technical Operational Staff (18th Feb 2019 to 4th Mar 2020)
- Helped make Black Highlighter
- Revamped the CSS Policy
- Made an IRC bot, which is now discontinued
- Technical Moderator (4th Mar 2020 to now)
- I own https://parawatch.net (it's a redirect to the Parawatch hub), so feel free to use it in articles
- Run a forum notification service
- Made a userscript that deletes applications from your inbox
Common reasons for my downvote
Before I begin: I firmly believe that the net score of upvotes and downvotes is worthless as a measure of quality - I think at anywhere around +20, it becomes more a measure of catchiness, clickbait, and coincidence. However, I do think that individual votes have meaning as the aggregate of a single reader's opinion; and a novote doubly so: the mark of apathy. For me as a writer, receiving any vote i.e. having created an opinion is a success. A novote is failure. I like to know what my readers think of my work, and I also assume (until told otherwise!) that any given writer would like the same.
I don't really have any instant-downvote triggers, but there's a bunch of things that'll make me see your article in a negative light. These are guidelines that describe my opinions - they are not hard rules, and they definitely do not define my opinions.
Note that my rule is if it's in your page source, I can vote based on it.
Guidelines for most articles
Not enough formatting: If you couldn't take the time to make your page visually interesting, why should I take the time to read it? Break the monotony - at least add an image.
Too much formatting: The more formatting you add, the more you drag attention away from your content. Use out-of-universe themes and components with care and stop to consider what message they send. If you have a 'personal theme' that doesn't mean anything other than the fact that you wrote this article, you're off to a very bad start.
Assuming the reader is like you: When you make assumptions about the reader, you assert that anyone who doesn't match your assumption doesn't count. Try not to exclude anyone, even unintentionally. Don't use non-international date formats unless justified by the article, don't put your SCP in a US state without also mentioning that it's in the US, etc. Biggest one: don't forget to make your content accessible to translators and to people less physically able than you. Simple things. Get crit from different kinds of people.
Lack of visual description: Visual description is the single most important thing to me when it comes to enjoying your article: I personally have to be able to see it in my mind to understand it properly. If you don't describe it, I'll assume things; and when you break those assumptions (which you will, because you don't know what they are), I get confused.
Not making me feel something: Don't waste my time by giving me a series of words that don't mean anything.
A rating module at the end of the article: I firmly believe that ratings are meaningless as a measure of quality. Any deviation from the standard - a single rating module at the top - is a big middle finger to that mindset and a big red flag that says "I don't trust you to vote." You change the context of your article from 'here's a story you might enjoy' to 'give me votes'. If you think putting a rating module at the bottom of the page should be the standard, push to make it standard - don't simply 'fix it' by giving an unfair advantage to your own articles. That's a dick move.
Inivisible text: It's not 2014 anymore.
"There are multiple valid interpretations": A story without meaning is just a series of words and a waste of time, and in order to perceive a story as potentially holding meaning I need to at least believe that the author thinks that it does. Declare otherwise and my interest is lost.
You took a risk and it didn't pay off: A lot of articles, format screws especially, have a certain core conceit that is very obvious. I'd say the vast majority of my articles, for example, are like that. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. If it didn't work for me, I'll probably downvote, but there's not much point me leaving a comment to explain it - that downvote is about as surface-level as it gets.
Guidelines for SCPs
Big headers telling me about a clearance level: 99.9% of all SCPs have a clearance restriction, why does your SCP's clearance level need special attention? Use your visual opener to tell me about literally anything else - something I need to know immediately, important containment procedures that affect me as a reader, or use it to give context to your narrative.
SCP is an object: If I feel at all that the origin of your SCP is "what could I make anomalous?" then your downvote is pretty much guaranteed. Don't tell me about an anomalous object but conveniently forget to integrate its origin into the story.
The word "will": Compulsion effects for the sake of them are lazy writing. SCP-XXXX will do this, the subject will then do this, then X happens, then the SCP will do this. You've already lost my interest.
Testing testing testing: the Foundation contains. We're not Aperture Science - once you've done enough tests to establish the most effective way to contain something, stop.
Spooky notes at the end: There are so, so many articles that conclude with oooo a spooky note or a corrupted-text collapsible or something. Please just fuck off. Come up with something more original.
This isn't an SCP: The articles on the site that get the most attention are SCPs. We all know it. It's not necessarily a bad thing. However, it's tempting for an author to want to optimise their article's rating by cramming the story they want to write into an SCP when it really shouldn't be. Sometimes it works - often it doesn't. When your SCP article stops being about the SCP, I know that you've tried to optimise my attention by posting your story to the most lucrative slot rather than where it should be. You can have written the most beautiful thing in the world, but if you're advertising that it's something that it's not, I will downvote it.
Breaking every unspoken rule: There are some articles that I instantly hate, but when it comes to justify that in writing, I can't do it. Sometimes I'll read an article, downvote it for eschewing some meta format without justifying itself, then think "well hang on… why is that a bad thing? Why shouldn't that article do that? Who says you need to stick to this unspoken standard?" This happens frequently enough that I am codifiyng it as a guideline: an article that makes me go through that process does not deserve to be instantly downvoted because of it.
Anomalies that cancel themselves out: It can be a fun thought experiment to come up with an idea that negates itself, or that can't be written itself by virtue of its own properties - for example an SCP with some negative effect that happens when it is documented, and therefore the corresponding SCP article must be extremely minimal. This works great as a thought experiment, but I'd advise against publishing that - if you write something shitty because the core conceit demands that it must be shitty, you still wrote something shitty.
Guidelines for 001 proposals
Not being obscenely good: Inflation in 001 proposal numbers, especially with some authors making more than one proposal, has cheapened the once-valuable meaning of the format for me. You have to amaze me.
Guidelines for joke articles
Joke articles have just one guideline. I ignore all the others - I'm expecting subtropes and parodies, after all. This is the only one that matters:
It's not funny: I upvote if I laughed and I downvote if I didn't. That's it. I'll leave a comment if I have anything more profound to say.
Guidelines for hubs
Not explaining what the hub is for: If I read your hub and I don't have a good idea of what I would need to write to contribute to it, you get a downvote. Otherwise you get an upvote.
Guidelines for themes
I haven't worked out my personal criteria for what makes a Good Theme yet. Should it be well-written, or does it only need to meet the expectations of the CSS policy? Should it work well for the purpose it says it works for, or does that mean that themes with no stated purpose have no merit? Is it ethical for me to have negative opinions on a theme without mentioning them when I approved it earlier? I've got a bit of thinking to do there.
Recent themes
- Manhattan Crisis Theme by Uncle Nicolini on 19 Feb 2024 17:07
Recent components
Recent 'more by' pages