CCK-class "Copyright Infringement Lawsuit" Scenario


rating: +60+x

"Avada Kedavra!" Darth Vader shouted as he lunged for the One Ring, deflecting Dr. Rick Sanchez of the FSS (Foundation Space Starship) Enterprise's balefire blast with his sonic screwdriver as he did so.

"Don't have a cow man" Dr. Sanchez said. "Junior Researcher Morty, if Darth Vader gets the One Ring, that would be bad. Quick, activate the TARDIS beacon."

"G-gee Rick," Junior Researcher Morty said. "Why are you telling me this? I already know all of that."

"It's because—oh fuck Morty," said Rick. "We're in a pataphysical breakdown and—burp—Disney's lawyers are going to sue our asses out of existence! Nothing is real! Nothing is real!"

"Is that why Darth Vader hasn't done anything while we're having this conversation?"

Darth Vader was t-posing to establish dominance, but because attention was drawn to him, he started doing a Fortnite dance.

Just then the door to the FSS Enterprise opened up (it's using SCP-2063 okay) and Dr. Clef walked through.

"How's my other fellow immortal who goes through bodies like I go through girlfriends?" said Doctor Clef.

"You know that's in really poor taste coming from you," said Morty.

"Shut up, Morty" Dr. Clef and Dr. Sanchez said simultaneously.

"Alto," said Rick, "Nothing is real and nothing matters!"

"What else is new?" said Dr. Clef.

"No I mean," said Rick, "We're in a –burp –shitty metafanfiction that no one on earth will ever consider canon."

"Wonderful" said Dr. Clef. "That means no consequences."

"Bro, too far," said Rick.

Just then Darth Vader went through the window of the FSS Enterprise with help from his good friend SCP-106. He pointed his sonic screwdriver at Dr Clef.

"A wizard is neither early nor late. He arrives precisely when he intends to," he said in the voice of Mufasa from the Lion King.

"Hey, where did you get that screwdriver," Dr. Clef said. "My last hookup had one just like it."

Darth Vader removed his mask. It was the Doctor from Doctor Who the Curse of the Fatal Death!

"I am infiltrating Disney," said Theo D. Octor. "Disney's power has gone too far. We should be able to release our fanfiction under creative commons. It is a matter of the human imagination, which I, the doctor, am a metaphor for, which is why all of my stories are set in the British countryside unless they're in edgy novels most people have never heard of."

But then the holoprojector of the FSS Enterprise flickered to life. It was Mickey in a Kermit robe from that meme. "Haha ha," he chortled, like Mickey in the episode South Park where he abuses the Jonas Brothers. " Желание, Ржавый, Семнадцать, Рассвет, Печь, Девять, Добросердечный, Возвращение на родину, Один, Товарный вагон. Солдат?"

"Ready to comply," said the Doctor and he put the Darth Vader mask back on. He raised his hands and prepared to cast magic missile from DND.

"Ha ha ha," chortled Mickey Mouse.

"Fuck this shit," said Rick. "Alto, let's go to do something else."

"But how," said Alto Clef. "Darth Vader destroyed the door back to the Foundation!" (this happened don't question it.)

"I'm Rick from Rick and Morty," said Rick. "I have a portal gun. It's a defining trait of my character next to the cynicism and self-destructive tendencies."

"Oh, like me being a liar and also god," said Clef.

"Exactly," said Rick. "I'm going to jump between dimensions."

"Oh. Huh. Well, Andrea and Iris told me about this one where Black Widow and—"

"I have a TARDIS," Darth Vader said. "I too can jump between dimensions."

"You see this shit, Alto?" Rick said. "Look at it we're clearly in some sort of intentionally bad fanfiction that's stupid and contrived."

"I don't know, Rick," Dr. Clef said. "That actually seems pretty well-foreshadowed by him being the Doctor—"

"Gee Rick, what are you going to do about it, oh god oh gee?" said Morty.

"I'm going to go up layers of the narrative," said Rick. "I'm going to find the bastard who's writing us into existence, and shoot him before he can finish this sent


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