Gotham's Strangest Criminal
rating: +62+x

Commissioner Gordon looked at the newest victim of Gotham City's latest killer, and sighed. "Why do all of the criminals insist on having these ridiculous M.O.s,?" he said, rubbing his forehead in frustration. He wish that, just once, there'd be just an ordinary crime in Gotham city; a simple bank robbery, or a cat stuck up a tree, or-hell-even a bomb threat at a school. But at Gotham City, nothing was normal, with a homicidal clown and a man dressed as a bat, and other weirdos. Speaking of Batman, Gordon thought, where was he anyway?

"Hello, Commissioner," a voice said, startling the aging man and nearly giving him a heart attack. He turned around to see Batman, hanging from a lamp post by his feet before gently landing on the ground. He rose, revealing his seemingly always scowling face. Gordon had only seen Batman smile a few times, and it always creeped him out when he did. Gordon sighed, removing his hand from his chest. "Batman, you really should stop doing that," he said, removing his glasses to wipe the sweat off his brow. "My heart isn't like it used to be."

Batman grunted, as if he wasn't sorry at all. Instead, he looked over the body. "Same as the others, I suppose?" he said in his growl of a voice. Gordon nodded. "The man's badly burnt, as if someone threw acid at his face," he said with contempt. "However, the boys at the lab studied the burn marks from the other victims, and they found traces of…" . At this point, the commissioner frowned, a bemused look on his face. "Clam chowder." He rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, wondering why he hadn't retired yet. Batman had a thoughtful look on his face. Who could have done this? However, before he could finish his thoughts, Gordon's Walkie Talkie went off. "We have a code 39 at Kane's Soup Palace. I repeat, a code 39 at…" Commissioner Gordon switched off the radio, having heard it the first time. "I think we might have found a lead," he said, turning to Batman, only to find that he disappeared. Gordon sighed. "I need a vacation," he muttered, walking off to his police car.

Kane's Soup Palace
"WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!" the police officer said into the megaphone. "SURRENDER NOW!"


"…my special New England clam chowder recipe….of DEATH!"

"Never," shouted the man holding the customers hostage. He was unremarkable in terms of appearance, except for the apron that said "Kiss the Clef" that was stained with what might have been tomato sauce, and the 2-meter high chef's hat. He held a steaming bowl of clam chowder in one hand, and a blonde woman-apparently one of his hostages-in the other. "Now, you shall listen to my demands, or this lovely lady," he said, while tightening his grip on the woman's neck. "Will die by my special New England clam chowder recipe….of DEATH!" He then laughed maniacally; however, his cliched evil laughter was interrupted by a batarang to the face. He stumbled to the ground, dropping the hostage, but-oddly enough-not the bowl of clam chowder. Batman then dropped through the broken skylight in the building, landing in front of the man. "Let the hostages go…" he started to say, but then stopped, confused. He had never seen this eccentric-looking man before. "Who are you?" The man got up, straightening his chef's hat. He then looked at Batman with an angry look on his face. He grabbed an oversized soup ladle, and said, in a voice as quiet as a whisper-
"I'm ChowderClef."

With that, he lunged for Batman, attempting to club him with his soup ladle. However, Batman was able to dodge Chowderclef's attack, and uppercutted him. However, he miscalculated his attack time, and he instead knocked the bowl of clam chowder out of ChowderClef's hands. All was silent for a moment, as the bowl soared through the air, and then landed on Chowderclef's head. Chowderclef stood still for a moment, as if not registering the pain of the hot clam chowder running down his face. He then collapsed, the bowl making a 'CLANG' noise. Batman sighed, as if he was dissapointed that the fight didn't last as long as he hoped it would. However, nonetheless, he grabbed Chowderclef by the neck and dragged him out towards the police officers, who handcuffed him and threw him into a van marked 'ARKHAM ASYLUM'. Before the door closed, Chowderclef turned to Batman-although his vision was obscured by the bowl-and shouted, "THIS ISN'T OVER, BATMAN! SOON, CHOWDERCLEF WILL RETURN!" He then started laughing again as the van drove off.

Batman shook his head in disgust. However, just then, a smell caught his attention. Curious, he walked back into the Soup Palace. The source of the smell turned out to be a bowl of clam chowder, similar to Chowderclef's except smaller. He picked up a spoon. "BATMAN, WAIT," Commissioner Gordon said, walking up to Batman. "It could be poisoned." However, Batman lightly shoved the Commissioner away, put the spoon in the bowl, took it out, and sipped.

"Needs more crackers."

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