No, It's The Breakfast Sandwiches Which Are Wrong.
rating: +41+x

Faeowynn Wilson stepped out of the Dunkin' Donuts into a torrential downpour. She quickly jumped back under the awning, pulled some napkins over her head, and sprinted out into the rain before hopping into her boyfriend's car and slamming the door shut, the car humming off not a second later.

"Damn. Sorry I took so long, someone stole my food."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah. I hope they really needed it. Rip-"- the rustling of packaging -"-but at least I got a replacement."

"Well, that's—"

"Ohhh my fucking god. I'm in hell."


Faeowynn looks up at him.

"I. Hoo. Okay. Okay, this is a dumb question, but do you eat this place's, like, the food shit? If so: croissant opinions?"

The sound of drops on the windshield.

The bumps of the road in the cabin.

The look of bewilderment on Alex's face.

"No— no, you know what, fuck it, don't tell me. Why the fuck would you have a bacon egg and cheese on a fucking CROISSANT as the default? What the fuck is that shit? It's- it's a light airy pastry that maybe, okay, maybe could support some jam, or a little custard, or something — but why the FUCK would you put bacon egg and cheese on it. Why?"


"No, why? They have literally every other type of bread a bacon egg and cheese is reasonable on. Texas toast? Sure, whatever. English muffin? I'd be down for that. Bagel? The natural fucking option.

"But a fucking croissant. Jesus CHRIST."

"Jeez, Fae. You're really committed to dunking on this perfectly fine breakfast sandwich. I mean, I'll take it if you don't want it."

"Alex, you don't get it! It's fucking horrible! It doesn't even have the right shape! It's a god damn crescent, Alex! You can't fit a round shape on it, it's got like one third the cross-sectional area!"

"That's fine. I think it's perfectly fine food."

"Listen! FUCK! Listen! I'm not digging on you. Okay? Or on other people who would want that. People like shit that's illogical to me every day. That's fine. Good, even. But, Jesus Christ why, Why is it the default?"

The windshield wipers flicked, back and forth, back and forth.

"And, y'know, I didn't used to be so pissed off. I was a normal person. I was a normal person until I, without fail, started getting exclusively croissants, even when I explicitly ordered other breads. Every single fucking time.

"I've been there at least fifteen times, Alex. Do you get that? Do you know what this is, to me? It's like God reached his hand down and closed breakfast on me forever. And you know what the worst part is?"

Alex craned his neck to see through the storm. Giving up, he pulled over to the shoulder to wait it out. "What's the worst part, Fae?"

"Today. Today, they got my order right. Today, only today, they got it right, Alex."


"And someone stole it."

Rain smacked down on the roof, ba-dum

"And the replacement I got was croissants."

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