Ask Dr. Spanko
rating: +124+x

It me! Cack! Self-Portrature is topside, no?

== Gate of Babel v. 0.3 (Pre-Alpha) ==
Copyright: SCP Foundation, 20██
Loading Config File: Spankonese.cfg

Happy times, mimes!1
Cack! Am christened Herr Doktor Spankoflex, colloquially namesplapped with Essy-Pee toothreethree and Steven! You, sir, are oculating my spidersteps2, which the good Mr. Lightbulb3 has indubitably mashed potato4 one blinkbox5 for yours truly.

Cack! He hollers that if I'm a muffin little puffin6 Mister Boss Man7 will serve a sardine sandwich to faucet police8, and hand me the right to reply to send-saws9 from God or Bog and all his Saints and Angels!10

So start flapping your jaws, o pioneers! The mayonnaise of Tuesday is never sunny side up!11

Editor's Note:

Sorry about the spotty translation of SCP-2337's gibberish. I've got at least three Euclids that are potentially going Keter by the end of the week, and I've wasted enough time building a keyboard with a "Cack!" button to worry about finding someone to write an English-Spanko Dictionary.

Thankfully, the guys in the linguistics department hooked me up with some software that they wanted me to test. It's supposed to be able to analyze these sort of english-based pseudo-languages and provide clarification for some of the more incomprehensible bits. The results have been mixed, but it's better than nothing.

Anyway, just leave any questions you have in the section below, and I'll try to get an answer out of SCP-2337.

-Dr. Edison

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