as i lie there
rating: +22+x

i'm a young boy,
and my father is sitting me down
to tell me about how son,
the world is full of screaming and wailing
and women who say they love you and
then leave you for some yuppie fuck
who moves a lot of money around in new york,
and i'm staring at him blankly,
my only thoughts on when mom
will come home with dinner.

i'm beneath the blinding fluorescence again,
i look around and a man is there,
dressed in black,
staring at me silently.

i'm a young man,
trying to explain to my uncle that no,
i'm not a lazy good-for-nothing,
dad's just an alcoholic piece of shit
who can't deal with stepmom being gone
and takes it out on me and
can you please let me stay here
until i can get on my feet again.

the man offers me a cigarette,
i tell him
that i don't smoke
and he puts it in his mouth instead.

i'm not as young a man,
sitting in my apartment
with a big bowl of kraft dinner,
staring at the phone
waiting for it to ring.

the man stares at me.

the phone never rings.

he's not moving.
i guess he has to be breathing
because he's smoking
but i can't see
the rising and falling of his chest.

it's the end of my senior year,
i just got out of this party
with my girlfriend and she's taking me
to this beautiful lake
out in the forest
where we'll hold hands
and look at the stars
until the sun comes up in the early morning
and wipes the night sky away
like bugs off a windshield.

he reaches out
and puts his hand on my shoulder.

i close my eyes.

i rest.

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