Anderson Robotics' Installation Guide: Your New Alpha Series Anderson Ancestor!
Thank you for purchasing the Anderson Ancestor Robot Kit!
To walk you through installation, usage and safety precautions, please welcome our feathery friend: Finn the Falcon!
There is a grey and blue pamphlet inside the box.
It looks worn. There are tears and loose traces of mold on the outside.
You skim through the inside. Some text is illegible due to the mold.
You attempt to read the text on the front of the pamphlet.
It seems to say:
OUR STORY
We here at Anderson Robotics have been in the tech game for a while, starting our journey in the Summer o' 1994. Our technological odyssey began in the Rose City of Portland, Oregon! Times were rough, but it was nothing we couldn't handle!
I had always been fascinated with both computers and the paranormal at an early age, which led to my employment by Marshall, Carter, and Dark. They recruited me over some basic tech skills I had, believing I would be a good low-ranking member who could handle simple day-to-day tasks like fixing whatever webpages got taken down by those buzzkills some of you may known as the Foundation.
However, I did not enjoy this job. Don't get me wrong, the pay was great, and I love our customers from MC&D, but it was simply not for me. Being thrusted into the world of paratechnology, then finding out you're not even gonna interact with any paratechnology is one of the most disappointing feelings imaginable. Albeit, it was much more disappointing when Theodore bet he could outdrink ██ ██████ and passed out after the 3rd drink. Good times… (Don't let him find out I wrote this)
I quit after six months. It was a very brash choice, but I do not regret it in the slightest. This was when I reached out to my best buds from High School, Albert Frostman and Theodore Morozov. Well, they were my only buds, but I wouldn't have traded them for any other buds. They were both great fits for the company with how much tech experience the three of us had acquired over the years!
We were all broke — but I was the most broke. I had to move out of my apartment back into my parent's, where I slept in their garage and spent 12 hours a day (or more) restlessly working on prototypes. In the afternoons, Theodore and Albert would come over to help me.
Eventually, we released a simple plug-and-play console for children that our earliest fans would know as the ██████. It was only until tragedy strook us that me and Theodore decided to take the company in the direction of paratechnology after the tragedy of 03…
Many Portlanders suffered that day, and we were no different. Albert had to leave the company, and this world…
Apart from that, I suffered the worst event I could have imagined would happen to me. The death of my ██████.
Theodore and I were changed forever. We didn't know where to go next, especially after losing Albert. Until an old colleague from MC&D came to me and suggested I re-enter the paranormal world. I wouldn't return to the company, but I knew what I was willing to do. Trade with them. Ever since then, it's been paratech and only paratech.
- Vincent Anderson
Hi!
I'm Finn the Falcon, your feathery friend from Anderson Robotics!
I'm here to teach you all about your new purchase, the Anderson Ancestor Robot Kit!
Here at Anderson Robotics, we specialize in improving the lives of our customers with our one-and-only blend of thaumaturgical technique and mechanical engineering. Now, we're finally dipping our toes into improving not only lives, but deaths!
Death has always been an inevitable fate for all human — and non human — life, but the age of death is soon to come to an end! Our new necromancy kit is perfect for any mourning loved ones who don't want to let go of their friends and family!
Features!
Our product has a variety of features that will allow both you and your revived consort to fully cherish each other's companionship!
Durable Exoskeleton
The exoskeleton of the Anderson Ancestor is built with technology unique to Anderson Robotics, which is made to mimic the exoskeletons of the animal kingdom. The custom exoskeleton allows the item to withstand weather conditions such as rain, sandstorms, snow, and hail.
Customizable Appearance
The Ancestor Ancestor comes pre-equipped with a silicon overlay designed by Anderson anartists to the liking of the customer. The silicon overlay is easily removable, and modifications can be ordered at www.andersonrobotics.int
10 Petabyte Memory
This model's artificial brain has a prebuilt memory of 10 petabytes, about 4 times as much as a real human brain! The brain comes pre-loaded with your loved one's memories, but the model's easy internet access allows your loved one to upload whatever knowledge they've always wanted to obtain!
24 Hour Battery Life
This model has a maximum charge of 24 hours, with charging only taking up to 8 hours. Allowing the model's sleep schedule to perfectly sync up with your own sleep schedule! (Well — if it doesn't, you may need to stop skipping out on sleep as much)
Alternatively, the model can be recharged through the consumption of biomatter, processed through the model's artificial stomach and converted to energy.
Installation!
To activate the Anderson Ancestor, begin with removing the robotic body from its container. Clean the exterior with the provided Anderson Cleaning Set, then apply the silicon overlay onto the model.
Find a set of paraphernalia related to the loved one you wish to revive. Such could include pictures, items they owned, media they enjoyed during their life, etc. Leave the items next to the Anderson Ancestor. This will allow the device to trigger a ritual that will communicate with the ethereal plane and pull your loved one's soul from their respective realm of the afterlife.
Leave the Anderson Ancestor charging overnight. The Anderson Ancestor will remain motion locked to prevent your loved one from panicking, and an instructional video will be broadcast to them from the inside of the robot to explain the purpose of the suit and the circumstances they've found themself in. The motion lock will be disactivated once charging is complete.
And, ta-da! Your Anderson Ancestor has been fully installed!
Proper Usage!
Make sure to perform a bimonthly senses check with your Anderson Ancestor to ensure all sensing functions are working properly. Apart from that, the exoskeleton should be cleaned weekly, and the silicon overlay should be cleaned daily. With that aside, you're all set! Now you and your loved one can enjoy life together as you did before!
Warnings!
The following list is a list of dangers you and your loved one should have in mind when using the Anderson Ancestor. Please read and follow this list.
Dangerous Weather Conditions
While the Anderson Ancestor can safely resist low-risk weather hazards such as rain and snow, riskier hazards such as intense hail and thunder can cause permanent damage to the Anderson Ancestor. Apart from that, you or your loved one should perform a check on the silicon overlay before outdoor activity to ensure there are no holes in the overlay which could damage the exoskeleton.
Lifting Capacity
The Anderson Ancestor can only lift a maximum of 200 lbs. Any higher amount could lead to damage on the arms and convulsions on other artificial muscles.
Inquiries Relating to the Afterlife
Please refrain from asking your loved one any questions relating to their experience in the afterlife. Conversations relating to the afterlife as a concept are acceptable, but any question directly relating to their time in the afterlife could bring up traumatic experiences that can overwhelm the Anderson Ancestor's emotional sensor detectors.
Final Words!
With all this in mind, we at Anderson Robotics wish you and your loved one can enjoy the Anderson Ancestor to its fullest extent! Any further questions can be sent to our team at tni.nosredna|troppusnosredna#tni.nosredna|troppusnosredna
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Redirecting to Anderson Robotics Internal Server - Chatrooms
Logging in as Vincent23
Theodore12: Hey Vincent, you online?
Vincent23: Yeah, you need something?
Theodore12: Yeah just needed to ask something. It's about the ancestor kit.
Vincent23: What about it? It's great, isn't it! We've never created something so magnificent. Albert would have never imagined we'd get this far some day!
Theodore12: Yeah yeah totally. It's just that….
Theodore12: Should we really be selling this?
Vincent23: Duh? Why would you say something like that?
Theodore12: We both know this shit has zero necromancy involved.
Vincent23: Well yeah, but the customers don't know. Keep it that way.
Theodore12: Well that's the thing. I'm sort of starting to get second thoughts. I mean, where's our integrity? Isn't fake necromancy a bit of a moral grey area?
Vincent23: I mean, is there really a difference in resurrecting the dead and creating an identical replica of the dead?
Theodore12: Well…yeah…but still.
Vincent23: But still what?
Theodore12: It's still different. It's just not the same. Would these people even be buying from us if they knew the truth?
Vincent23: People are too stupid to see these robots as equals. This is merely a test to see how people will react. The first of many we'll need to reach our utopia. We can't rely on ethics too much if we want to be real innovators.
Theodore12: Immortality isn't as simple as reconstructing someone. The ouside may be identical — but the inside is a hollow imitation of the soul that once existed. Once it's gone, no amount of technology can bring it back. That's what makes life so special. It can't be rebuilt, so enjoy it with those who are here, for those who are no longer with us.
Vincent23: Fuck off Theodore.
Theodore12: What?
Theodore12: Oh, come on Vincent. You know I didn't mean it like that.
Vincent23: So you casually sent me a detailed paragraph about how death is irreversible and we should enjoy what we have before we lose it — by accident? Bullshit, you knew what you were doing.
Theodore12: Okay, maybe I was, but I'm still right. You're a dumbass if you don't realize you need help. Your mental state is only getting worse and every day you stray away further from the Vincent I knew in High School.
Vincent23: Maybe that's because the Vincent you met still had something to live for. And sorry, I don't know what came over me. Getting pissed off just because you decided to mock the biggest step I've taken to recovering.
Theodore12: You're not recovering. You're like a pot head on his 10th blunt saying it helps you concentrate. All you're doing is taking that short hit. That sweet, sweet release. In the end, all that does is make it worse.
Vincent23: You wouldn't be saying that if you were in my shoes.
Theodore12: That's all I've been doing since 03, helping your batshit crazy vision of a tech utopia. I quit. I'm leaving the company. I won't give up on you, but I'm giving up on this. I've been complacent for too long.
Vincent23: Fuck you Theodore. Never talk to me again.
Vincent23: Hey Elisa, how are you doing! I need to ask you a small favor. Theodore has decided to be an ass who doesn't want to use his genius and abandon the company. But we can't lose an employee as great as him :(
Could you go to his office and gather his stuff whenever you get the chance? We can't lose on someone like him. Not again. Not again. We've lost too many people.
SakerGirlElisa: I'm sorry, as an AI Large Language Model, I cannot answer an inquiry of this nature.
Vincent Anderson: I thought I patched this last week?
Vincent23: Regenerate, with debug mode active
SakerGirlElisa: Yes of course I can do that for you! How sad that Theodore's leaving. Such a talented guy :(
