Thank you for purchasing the Black Series Sidhe-Issue Wing Chassis!
To walk you through installation, usage and safety precautions, please welcome our feathery friend: Finn the Falcon!
Hi!
I'm Finn the Falcon, your feathery friend from Anderson Robotics!
I'm here to teach you all about your new purchase, the Black Series Sidhe-Issue Wing Chassis!
We here at Anderson Robotics are aware of the many troubles the Fae peoples have encountered in the last few centuries. While we can do almost nothing but offer our sincerest condolences to those lost in these tragedies, we can provide our support on a more personal issue: flight.
While Homo sapiens sidhe individuals do posses biological wings, they're largely dormant and ineffective unless one is sufficiently thaumaturgically talented, which cannot be said for most of the population.
However, with the ceaseless march of technology, you need not worry about such insignificant issues if you crave the feeling of air in your hair. With your new Black Series Sidhe-Issue Wing Chassis, the whole world could be your oyster!
Features!
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Lightweight Frame
The Chassis is light, so light you might even forget it's there! Well, not really. But, no matter how strong you are, you'll have no problem moving around with this on your back.
One Size Fits All
No matter how tall, short, wide, or thin you are, the Chassis will adapt so it's perfectly sized to keep you and your wings attached to itself, so you don't have to worry about falling out of it in mid-air.1 Not only will it fit like a glove, it'll feel like one too, with the wing-slots being lined with runes that'll keep your wings intact while inside, to prevent them from breaking!
Flight!
Capable of reaching 55 kilometers per hour speeds,2 the Chassis' primary function grants a power that nobody wouldn't love to have! Beat the morning rush to work by soaring over it! Clean those pesky gutters without a ladder! See if the clouds really are made of cotton candy!3
Installation!
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Click here to see a map of all our installation clinics worldwide! We provide our services through our headquarters in Three Portlands, at several locations owned by our associates Marshall, Carter and Dark and in Esterberg4 Once you've found a location near you, you can book a fitting session and we'll sort you out with your very own, perfectly fitting, Wing Chassis.
Proper Usage!
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We recommend following this chart of tests to make sure you're running smoothly before proper use. After that, you're good to go. The device requires an electric charge to work at full power, so make sure to leave it charging at the provided port when not in use.5 Additionally, be gentle while handling the Chassis when not in use. That lightness comes at the sacrifice of being a bit more fragile than you'd expect.
Warnings!
The following list is a list of prohibitions once your Black Series Sidhe-Issue Wing Chassis is in working order. Please read and follow this list carefully.
Do not exceed an altitude of 79,000 meters without proper equipment.
Without an oxygen tank or some other method of getting oxygen into your lungs, it is advised you stay away from this altitude as the atmosphere is too thin to breathable.
Do not attempt to exceed speeds of 55 Kilometers Per Hour.
The device, in its current build, has not been designed with higher speeds in mind. Please be aware of this if in a rush or attempting to race others.6
Do not attempt to transmute the device into biological matter.
Attempts to transmute the device in such a manner may result in permanent disfiguration of the wings and upper back, as well as potential future health complications.
Do not attempt use without appropriate body parts.
For our human friends, please don't try and use this device. It just won't work for you, sorry.
Final Words!
With all this in mind, please enjoy your product! Anderson Robotics thanks you for your purchase! I've been Finn the Falcon, and I hope you have a better future, today!
Esterberg Weekly
Your #1. Source of Information
| ESTERBERG, POLAND | TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19TH, 2023 | 10 PLN — NO REFUNDS |
HEADS IN THE CLOUDS
By Aoi'fe Mack'eth