Creck Fection Contest 2 (TWO DAY EXTRAVAGANZA!)
rating: +52+x

NOTICE 03/04/21: Submissions are now closed! Judges are currently deriving the point totals from base principles. Thank you to all who participated! Points have been deducted from those who did not participate. If you submit now and we don't notice, however, that's BONUS POINTS.

Time tells of an event long ago, when staff and user alike were stripped down, greased up, and sent careening down a monkey pit, were they proceeded to fight for HONOR and GLORY.

Well it's that time of the fucking year again, ladies and gentlemen. The time when, for two blackened days, we cast off the chains of professionalism and let the monstrous horrors within our heads and hearts out into the wild. Grown men weep, antebellum women faint, and everyone in-between barricades their homes in fear as absurd horrors roam the streets of the wiki. My fellow readers and writers, welcome to hell.

Welcome to the Creck Fec Centest 2: Deep Fractures.
An Unofficial, Community Run Contest.

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The Contest

You will write a piece of crack fiction for the site. The titles have already been chosen, and there are certain requirements that come with each title. Each level of difficulty will give you the chance to earn more and more points.

The "Winners"

The winners will be determined by a combination of judges and rating. The judges (who are entirely impartial) will be required to drink heavily before scoring, unless they don’t want to.

Bonus points are awarded for selecting higher difficulties. Further bonus points will be awarded if the subject of the story (if applicable) actually upvotes your story. Collusion and coercion are highly encouraged.

The top rated stories will be forever immortalized on this page, one for each catagory, and will recieve the prize of carrying this great shame on their shoulders forever more.

They will ALSO recieve ONE DRAWING BY ME (VaraxousVaraxous) of anything they choose, done in ms paint to the best of my ability.

NOW THAT JUDGING IS OVER AND WINNERS HAVE BEEN ANNOUCNED, THEY CAN PM ME TO REQUEST THEIR MS PAINT DRAWING. I'LL PROBABLY ALSO SEND PMS.

Thank you all for participating. It was a ton of fun seeing everyone's articles and seeing people have fun with it!

The Judges

The judges were hand selected by a double blind procedure by a council of elder warrior priests.

Then I forgot and just made it up on the spot.

The ones to blame:

Being Classy

We at Ratmmunity Outreach implore you to be as vulgar and audacious as you possibly can. We're starting trash fires, not lighthouses.

Rules

The basic rules of the contest are as follows:

  1. You must write a story using one of the titles. Once a title is claimed, no one else can write about it. You claim a title by editing this page and adding your name to the end of the title in the provided formatting, replacing the X under the 'claim' column. Once you've posted, edit again and make the title link to your page.
  2. Collabs are allowed. All users in the collab must claim the slot.
  3. Your entry should be in the 'tale' format. While it may include other elements from the site (SCP excerpts, for example), it should be a tale primarily.
    1. The exception to this rule is the Tiamat category, which must be an SCP, -J or otherwise.
  4. Once posted, you may not delete or edit your entry, regardless of performance. Articles that dip into the deletion range are expected.
  5. Only one title per person.
  6. No Minions©
  7. Judges are given a list of things to look for in each piece of crackfiction, but they are also given the latitude to rule that "they are just too drunk for this shit" and award whatever they want.
  8. Bonus points may be awarded at the discretion of the judges. Whatever the opposite of bonus points are may also be unawarded at the discretion of the judges, especially if this rule isn't removed.
  9. Erotica, while not required, is permissible. However, it should be tagged 'adult' and possess a short disclaimer. This disclaimer will not count towards any word count.
  10. Coldposting is a virtue.
  11. No whining. Points will be deducted for whining.
  12. Whine. Points will be awarded for whining.
  13. For all the talk about descending into hell and starting trash fires, have some sense. Have fun, but don’t break the site rules.

Time Frame

IT'S OVER. YOU MISSED IT.

Story Tiers

Bonus points are awarded for selecting a higher tier, as noted. Read above for claiming stories.


Safe

Safe articles have no additional requirements and receive no bonus points. Neener.

Title Claim Site Score Judge Score
The Lizard and I DysadronDysadron +12 +3
ion X bumaro forevurr TopDownUnderTopDownUnder +18 +2
Gamers Rise Up: The Two Veronicas (2002) blazerboy69420 no submission -50
Peanut and Me Agent JensenAgent Jensen -4 0
Who was Jared? cold_Nights +7 +0
Rounderpede Vs King Kong Cole 13 -17 +0

ION X BUMARO FOREVURR WINS THE SAFE CATAGORY!


Euclid

Euclid articles must have atrocious CSS. Unreadability is a virtue.

Title Claim Site Score Judge Score
Red, White, & Blue Reality TyumenTyumen +23 +one hundred and twenty several
Debunkle the Uncle notgull Yellow +10
294 Dispenses Purple Drank siri post tweet (was deleted due to being deemed by staff as dangerous to epileptic users) Dr_MoistDr_Moist & FedorianFedorian UNKNOWN +??

Red, White, and Blue Reality WINS1! It ALSO WINS Best in Teeth! CONGRATULATIONS

eXplained

Explained articles must include a character from a different work of fiction.2 Bonus points will be awarded for both obscurity (the non-Chewbacca Wookie from Attack of the Clones) or popularity (Sans Undertale). Additional points will be given if at least one staff member is made upset in the discussion page.3 Even more points will be awarded for one act of horrible mischaracterization.

Note: Judge Dune actually knew the name of the chewbacca. Like a nerd.
Note2: because Judge Dune is also a Judge, there are two winners to this catagory.

Title Claim Site Score Judge Score
106 Takes Manhattan RigenRigen +15 In the Portals
Project: CLOWN TropinanoTropinano +15 +4
049 x minion x reader (reader is a minion) (blame varaxous im sorry) RallistonRalliston +44 +34
Dr. Cimmerian vs the Grinch J DuneJ Dune +50 +500
The Australian Church of Australia Manifesto AnActualCrowAnActualCrow +14 +6
37 Rat Movies Starring Lana Neal Elogee FishTruckElogee FishTruck +19 +10
Talloran Shoots Archduke Franz Ferdinand Ellie3 +20 +28

"Do you want me to explain how disgusted I am? Because I'm full of disgust. I hiked a lot today. I'm very exteremly sore. I…was expecting to come home, rewarding myself, with some pizza, some ice cream, maybe a drink, you know just vibe out, reward myself for hiking! Instead I got this. I feel cheated. I feel cheated right now. I'm wondering if this a fair world at all. They say life isn't fair…I think this is what they're talking about when they say that. This is exactly what they mean." - carolynn ivycarolynn ivy

"Do you think the Grinch lays egg?" - CadaverCommanderCadaverCommander

Yeah the grinch wins this one.

TALLORAN SHOOTS ARCHDUKE FRANZ FERDINAND IS THE SECOND WINNER! with the Cobra Enterprise Inc CA380 380 ACP Carry Conceal Pistol with Pink Grips from sportsmansoutdoorsuperstore.com with an attached Sniper ZT 5-25x50 FFP First Focal Plane (FFP) Scope with Red/Green Illuminated Reticle and Gangster Spongebob custom decal from BEHIND. It ALSO wins the "Made the Italians Mad Award!"


Thaumiel

Thaumiel articles must shoehorn in a moral lesson. Bonus points for the most obscure and absurd lessons, and you lose points if you use the word "weed" in any capacity5, IF anyone notices before the posting period ends. After that, it's bonus points babey!!!!

Title Claim Site Score Judge Score
OCT All Stars to the Rescure! AWeirdBirdAWeirdBird +14 +7
The Devil's Lettuce Strikes Back fairydoctorfairydoctor +7 +0
im so fucking sick of ProcyonLotorProcyonLotor going through my got damn fukn trash at night, like seriously? CelesteKara nope. -50
Dr. Gears’ Heated Gaming Moment A MountainA Mountain +24 +46

DR. GEARS' HEATED GAMING MOMENT WINS! i learned absolutely nothing.
Prize Revoked Due To Author Failing The Spy Game (also being permabanned)
OCT ALL STARS TO THE RESCURE! WINS! Good Job High Effort Very Nice


Apollyon

Apollyon articles must involve the SCP Universe interacting with the SCP Wiki and its users. We're looking for hard, unambiguous meta here, folks. Flattering the judges will get you everywhere.

Title Claim Site Score Judge Score
My own author-insert! Calibri Bold +21 +0 Dating Hearts
Babies First Conceptual Reconfiguration Array laneous… +21 +507
You. Me. Denny's Parking lot. Now. WestrinWestrin +52 +508
SCP Wiki Author's Dating Sim ROUNDERHOUSE The House Rounds not -50
Zyn Says The F-Word JakdragonXJakdragonX +55 +25
Asa Rutledge has her bones stolen TheBlueHourTheBlueHour Asa Rutledge Still has her bones. A shame.

YOU. ME. DENNY'S PARKING LOT. NOW. WINS APOLLYON, FOR KILLING THE JUDGES!


Neutralized

Neutralized articles must end with every character dead. The more creative, ignominious, or melodramatic the deaths, the better.

Title Claim Site Score Judge Score
GRANT REQUEST FOR GREENE TO STOP MAKING FUN OF ME wagyusteak -0 GREEN YOU FUCKER
Critter Prolife: A Regular Chihuahua! DolphinSlugchuggerDolphinSlugchugger ch. chinc-
End of Deaf LordStonefishLordStonefish +14 We started talking about sandwiches cause of this one so like…+15. Or something. Also I'm hungry now.
ronud ragun cancer while president (OMG SO SAD) Parad00xxParad00xx +4 +19
Clef Eats Ass: The Musical Oboebandgeek99Oboebandgeek99 +41 +Seven hundred thirty several
Tim Wilson KILLS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE!!! Calamari_KnightCalamari_Knight +10 +2
This User Was Banned For This Post JackalRelatedJackalRelated This user was banned for this not-post +i

CLEF EATS ASS: THE MUSICAL WINS THE NEUTRALIZED CATAGORY! Absolutely love it.


Keter

Marshall, Keter, and Dark. Figure out what the judges mean and we might give you bonus points, cause we sure as shit ain't gonna tell you.

Title Claim Site Score Judge Score
Danimals HarryBlankHarryBlank +21 +3011
What the FUCK is a keter Placeholder McD NOTHING I guess your name is placeholder. Fair enough i suppose.
Competitive Eschatology 2: Eclectic Boogaloo TheAlienBaby End the world? More like end your chances of winning this contest by not posting.
fifthist family picnic Lt FlopsLt Flops +35 gay

the keter was just gecko rolling 2d20s.

the WINNER OF THE KETER CATAGORY IS DANIMALS! My heart always knew…


Tiamat

Tiamat articles must be posted as an SCP, either on the mainlist, explained list, joke list, or Wanderer's Library. Have fun12.

Title Claim Site Score Judge Score
Dover Boys, Reloaded Lord_of_LaughLord_of_Laugh A Runabout? I'LL STEAL OUT
SCP-3 RaptieRaptie +18 👀

SCP-3 wins BY DEFAULT and DEFINITELY NOT BY JUDGE BRIBERY13


Unused Titles
Dr. Midaeus and the Ties that Bind Us
Aktus got Baktus
SCP-682 Has Become Unleashed in Time
stop abusing the fucking .s command. You know who you are.
Author Page Syndrome
Rose Labelle joins Death Grips
Dr. Glass’s 2008 Kayaking Log
Schizoid Android: A Gears x Marvin Story
Gayly Forward Untl Morning
Cousin Johnny's Day Off
Can't Unsuck a Dick
Kondraki Starts a Fire
I'm not sarkist, but mehkanites suck
the black rabbit company becomes catholic
nemes + durand vacation in belgium
10 mg Focalin and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot on Repeat
an anthromorporphic sharpie BREAKS day with facts and logic!!!
eli and lyris go to whitecastle
Captain Kirby to the REscure (a dramady)
MAXIMUM OVERBOBBLE
the great american meme machine VS the dead hand (ONE NIGHT ONLY)
Brokeback Site-19: An End of Death Story
CROM goes fucking apeshit
Subtle Killer Morgan Freeman
An SCP to make Dr. Gears come back
The First Thing I Learned In Boating School Is…
Bottleskip
You have insulted my honor and now you must die: the F███M█████ story….
Dr. Charles Anborough Contains Another Fucking Keter
3 Frozen Lawyers and the Will of a Sun
Shark Tank: The One Where They Punch People
Cack Fiction
honey i red-realitied the kids

Bonus Awards

294 Dispenses Purple Drank siri post tweet Wins the "Most Hazardous to Human Health" Award!

Debunkle the Uncle, as our judge Gecko put it, "I felt it was going to hurt me."

Project: CLOWN, whose author was voted "Most Likely to be a Clown Fucker!"

Dr. Cimmerian vs the Grinch, for making carolynn ivycarolynn ivy upset!

37 Rat Movies Starring Lana Neal wins the "Dune doesn't know who Jerma is but knows who the non-chewbacca wookie is" Award!

Talloran Shoots Archduke Franz Ferdinand wins the Award Award!

OCT All Stars to the Rescure! wins the "Judges are too drunk (except dune) for this shit" Award. Is this even a shitpost? Like damn. Nice work.

The Devil's Lettuce Strikes Back wins the This Exists! Award!

My own author-insert! wins the "Picked All the Wrong Options on the Dating Simulator" Award!

End of Deaf wins the "Most Likely To Go Buy Wonder Bread" Award!

Clef Eats Ass: The Musical wins the "Gecko Can't Breathe" Award and also actually being probably the most high effort article in this contest.

Tim Wilson KILLS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE!!! gets the most Alright Award!

Danimals wins the "Best Pun in House" award and the "Signed Me Out of Wikidot" Award!

fifthist family picnic wins the "hrhhanrmhrrhr g…girr…girls…"

Debunkle the Uncle wins the "Most Piss Like" Award!

SCP-3 wins the "least expected author to be recognized by VaraxousVaraxous" Award!


Thank you to TroyLTroyL for the original framework and the first Crack Fiction contest, which can be found here. Additionally. a huge thank you to Uncle NicoliniUncle Nicolini and UraniumEmpireUraniumEmpire who, while not judges, helped with everything written here.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License