Upvote goes in, SCP comes out1. Give it a try!
Dr. Orion gazing into the Afto Crater.
Welcome to the Afto Crater National Park!
(which is a completely normal national park. no funny business here. nope.)
You must be here for our main attraction, the titular Afto Crater. Yes, yes, we know it's small. That's not the point here.
Hmm? What's that? Not a crater, you say? Well, technically this is indeed a hole, but we just call it a crater in hopes no one else will try to find a non-existent bottom that leads directly to hell2.
Yes, you heard me right, hell3. Wait, what are you doing?
DON'T GO DOWN THAT HOLE!
Goddamn it, that's the fifth one this week. I really gotta get to work on that high fence.
(Imagine yourself falling for about 12 seconds. Please. We're low on budget right now.)
Hey.
You're finally awake.
You were trying to skydive to hell, right? Fell onto that ledge right there, same as me.
Who am I? Why, I'm the gift shop owner, of course.
The Venerable Proprietor
SCP-3483 — Raptorial Theology
Are you familiar with the 2017 film "The VelociPastor"?
[+49]
SCP-2278 — Wonder of Mu
All lies are stories. Not all stories are lies.
[+45]
SCP-8216 — Olives
Object has also been reported to smell like burning flesh and gunpowder.
[+40]
SCP-8816 — The Curtain Were (Fucking) Evil
"Are you evil?"
[SCP-8816 does not react.]
[+112]
SCP-8963 — Inside Job
"SCP-8963 is a small tabletop architectural model of the World Trade Center in New York City as it existed prior to September 11th, 2001."
[+116]
SCP-264 — Reception
"We journey to Heaven. Nirvana. Paradise. Ataraxia. Whatever term you wish to call it."
[+57]
SCP-8800 — Reception
"Good morning Earth, are you receiving us?"
[+180]
SCP-7655 — Lacuna
"Based on current studies and widely accepted parahistoriography, this would be classified as the Fifth Occult War."
[+44]
Sundial
"It is just you, and the ghost town with nothing in it."
[+56]
SCP-7722 — Nyctopolis
"A statue of Yakov Sverdlov in the courtyard and portraits of leaders omnipresent within in the instance corroborate a radically different history and development of the Soviet Union."
[+43]
SCP-7744 — The End of Comedy
"The product of convergent memetic evolution. As Fukuyama, Anno, and Adams might say, the End of Comedy."
[+51]
SCP-4860 — The Labors of Ottokar
"We would be right to canonize him into scripture. Glory to Ottokar."
[+37]
SCP-7557 — Monument Valley
"The pile of bricks is revealed to be a small subsection of the base of a large pyramid, illuminated by spotlights hanging from the dark ceiling of an even larger room."
[+75]
SCP-7800 — Samsara
"An estimated 88% of all known theological entities are presumed to have forsaken humanity."
[+186]
SCP-3950 — The Matryoshka
"Incision partially unsuccessful, uterus remains unbreached. Get the cauterizer prepped again."
[+64]
SCP-6614 — Fly Me To The Moon
"Disinformation campaigns denouncing the authenticity of Moon landings in general are currently under consideration."
[+143]
SCP-6216 — Sleeping With The Fish(es)
"Currently, personnel have identified SCP-6216 instances imitating 132 distinct tartaropelagic species, however there is believed to be no upper limit on this number."
[+66]
SCP-5614 — The Questing Stone
"Following this displacement event, numerous personnel have mistakenly referred to SCP-5614-A as "Dragonslayer" both verbally and in documentation. Potential memetic influence is currently under investigation."
[+54]
SCP-6146 — Sic Semper Cartago
"Under no circumstance are members of SCP-6146 to be made aware of the history of the Phoenician and Carthaginian civilizations of the Prime Universe."
[+42]
SCP-5345 — Almost Heaven, West Korea
"His Holiness is of the understanding that such measures of entering Heaven pre-mortem are in opposition to the will of God, as is the Holy See of His papacy."
[+78]
SCP-6966-EX — The Backrooms
"Every room that wasn't empty had one of these no-breathing sleepers in them. I don't think any of those things were really human, in hindsight."
[+94]
SCP-6222 — FISH PRISON
"A post-it note was found on the placard, labelled 'This one's a racist, Jim'."
[+289]
SCP-6767 — The Bronze Lizard
"Better you interviewing a little legless lizard than another undying Mesopotamian sociopath."
[+102]
SCP-6993 — According To All Known Studies On Neuroscience, There Is No Way That A Brain Should Be Able To Spin
"It looks like there's still work to do for 6993, because I can no longer see color."
[+107]
SCP-6942 — Darwin's Nightmare
"We can only imagine how many niches exist on this planet for paragenetic anomalies to fill. We cannot possibly monitor them all."
[+81]
SCP-5691 — The Painter of Worlds
"In addition, I am to inform you about the upcoming exhibition in the Pleiades on 30 March 2053. Please bring your best works, and preferably without a third deluge of argent."
[+59]
SCP-5216 — Even More Good Eats
"Recipe was identified during the transcription of a different recipe to a terminal by Dr. Consuelo. A bowl of stew manifested over his head seconds later."
[+39]
SCP-4216 — In The Doghouse
"Failed Δ-0G Events have been recorded to cause psychological distress to the subject, as well as certain observers."
[+35]
Ask not why there's a gift shop a kilometer underground, but ask what other visitors have said about the Afto Crater!
"Afto is the most fish-like non-fish author though"
—
Fishish, noble founder and coward traitor of the Fish Council.
"Aftokrator is what is referred to as "based"."
—
Lt Flops
"Afto has absolutely no information on me possibly being a shady copper salesman from Ur and he needs to stop saying as much. signed, 𒂍𒀀 𒈾𒍢𒅕"
—
AriadnesThread, who thought she was slick.4
"afto is my cool friend good job afto🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅"
—
sugarush, who is also very cool
"Why is there a policy"
"Also why is there a gift shop there"—
psychicprogrammer, who was never seen again.
"I will not rest until afto and all his descendants die a painful and perpendicular death"
—
ParallelPotatoes after I orthogonalized his son Jimmy.
"afto gets the placeholder seal of approval"
"afto i'm gonna burn your house5 down if you don't fix wikidot"
"aftokrator lives his life in a perpetual state of fucking around"
—
Liryn, correct
"aftokrator is a swarm of ants typing"
—
GremlinGroup, also correct, don't tell anyone else.
"@aftokrator bless you"
—
djkaktus
" —AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— "
— No idea who, they completely missed the ledge and went straight down. How rude.
"DARAMWUL ALAM NANAHAGUARAN NASARIM ISTHOGHAN TUWUL NAHASUTHE NAMABRAN"
— Bahungave XVII, king of kings, brother and son of lost Daramwul8 (c. 1385 BCE)
Well, many thanks for your patronage. Have a pleasant journey!
As you speed down the increasingly warmer one-way elevator to hell clad in an inflatable reflective Among Us costume, you notice several bright panels whizzing past seconds before you pass out from heatstroke.9
