Hello, welcome, good day to you all. Glad to see everyone managed to attend this meeting on-time. Please, take your seats.
You may notice the snacks and confectioneries on the back table in place of the usual donuts and coffee. Those are for the skippers on your right. The usual are by the entrance over there.
Kidding, of course. Feel free to take as many as you want. Just… leave some for the rest of us, alright?
With that out of the way, let us start today's briefing. If you aren't aware already, my name is Amelie Rose Metanoia — Amy, for short — director of the Anomalous Entity Engagement Division. Let us start by congratulating you for joining a Foundation department that gives relatively harmless tasks — unlike others that can lead you six feet under if you make even the slightest mistake.
And no, I am not lying when I said the people to the right of you — the living inanimate objects and those with animal features and robot add-ons — are quite obviously anomalies under our purview. Do not panic, this is not some sort of ambush or complicated plan to raid the facility. Here, some anomalies are allowed to roam the halls of this place. Excluding the more confidential and potentially hazardous areas, of course.
That is one of the many things we do while working for the AEED. We give the anomalies more freedom compared to other departments, loosening certain restrictions placed on them, as long as nobody loses an eye as a result. If they aren't harmful or hostile, why should we be so harsh on them? They may be out of the ordinary, but that doesn't mean they should be treated less than any other person.
Yes, I am fully aware of the Foundation motto. Yes, I do know that we are supposed to be confining these anomalies instead of letting them run around and do god knows what. Yes, you could say there are some dangers involved in doing what we're doing. Our main objective is to keep the skips from wreaking havoc over all of humanity, so we should not let them breach containment under any circumstances. However, suddenly being transported to a completely alien place and not being able to leave whatsoever can be a lot for — let's say — a walking, talking calculator. Keeping them secured is one thing, but having them not only comply with personnel, but willing to talk to them — that is another. That is the purpose of our division.
We do our best to treat our anomalies with respect, give them the attention they need. If they want to have some playtime in the sunlight, then sure! If they want some additional amenities for their holding cell, then why not? If they want a staff member to play fetch with them, then who wouldn't? Heck, we ask them for their consent when it comes to experimentation. I mean, who would want to be forced into testing by some people in lab coats? Exactly.
Of course, we are not putting them on pedestals and treating them like we're in a five-star hotel. We're just letting them live how they want to the best of our abilities. We strive to make them feel comfortable and at home in an environment they have never been in before. Staff morale isn't the only thing that's important to uphold, you know.
Speaking of such, we tend to have more recreational activities compared to… well, literally every other department combined, if I'm being honest. This is just to boost up positivity in both personnel and anomalies.
Now, if you've been working for the Foundation for a while, you may have noticed many… comments made regarding how differently we work. Well, I'm sure you've heard a lot from our Site Director if you've been in the same room as him for five seconds. Sure, we may interfere with the other departments when they're doing their experiments and such, but we are as important of a division as any other. We may be the "antithesis" of the Foundation, but we guarantee containment breaches and other associated problems would be more commonplace if it weren't for us. We contribute as much to the progression of our organization as anyone else.
That being said, I'm sure you all are aware of the importance of our division. If you are, then keep in mind that — despite how abnormal the skippers are — you shouldn't let that cloud your perspective. Think of them as an acquaintance, a friend, a person with emotions; not a cold, dead object without a heart. If they're not actively trying to threaten you with a bloody knife, why would you stab them with the tone of your voice? They deserve affection as with anyone else.
I'd say the AEED is more casual, laidback even. No need for professionalism, nobody's asking you to say "it is" instead of "it's", unless you're writing a document, of course. Feel free to loosen up and relax while you're on the job, but make sure you don't end up slacking off instead of actually working.
By the way, we have many roles you can choose from. You could manage the supplies, help conduct our recreational activities and events, dress up as a character in some anomaly's fantasy world, or provide an ear for some of our skips and do counseling. You can switch whenever you want and you can even take up multiple jobs at once, though I'd rather advise you against that if you want a free schedule.
Anyways, we'll wrap this up with a little meet-and-greet to familiarize yourselves with the anomalies we have here. Don't be afraid, they're perfectly harmless, and I'm sure you all will be greatly acquainted with one another soon enough. Something as simple as a kind gesture can get you very far. It's certainly an interesting experience, that's for sure.
Alright everyone, stand up. It's icebreaking time. I once again thank you for applying to our division. We appreciate it! We humbly welcome you to the Anomalous Entity Engagement Division.
Oh yeah, by the way, make sure to clean up the crumbs on the floor when you're done, okay? Thank you!