The Obscure Bureau of Anomalous Registries
Headquarters: The Old Mortuary, Plovdiv, Bulgaria
NOTICE TO ALL REGISTRARS: This form must be completed in triplicate using standard iron gall ink. Do not allow the medium to come into contact with blood, displaced time, or sweat of an unseemly nature.
I. Administrative Metadata
| Field | Registry Entry |
| Bureau Index Number: | ABN-1886-723836214827 |
| Date of Filing: | 12 / 23 / 1627 (STI) |
| Filing Officer: | Harvey Rosewell, Junior Registrar |
Department:
- [ ] Temporal Displacement
- [ ] Geomantic Realignment
- [ ] Inanimate Sentience
- [x] Miscellaneous Unreason
II. Phenomenological Description
1. Physical Disturbance
Volumetric Displacement: 1,472 Cubic Yards of cedar shavings, appearing spontaneously within the Left Pulmonary Artery of the local magistrate.
Collateral Temporal Damage: Due to the retroactive consumption of Stamping Chief Officer Barathrom and Raven Sevearn, the year 1624 has been shortened by 7.4 weeks. Staff are reminded that the month of Blurbeury no longer exists; any payroll claims filed for those dates will be summarily rejected by Finance.
2. Behavioral Manifestation
Mystical Gramophone Recording (Audio Transcript):
(The first 23 minutes of the cylinder contain only heavy static and the distinct sound of Junior Registrar Harvey chewing on a raw turnip.)
Harvey: "…It just ate the stamping chief officer's great-grandfather, didn't it?"
Vaulete: (Sound of steam venting and heavy brass gears grinding nearby) "Yes, it did. I presume this will cause the entirety of our current filing to require retroactive correction."
Harvey: (Sighs heavily) "That's going to take a fortnight to fix. Especially with a whole month missing from the calendar." (Sound of a heavy leather suction hose being dragged across damp stone.) "Mind the back-draft, Vaulete."
Aeria: "More overtime for you. Hold this Vaulete." (The rush of displaced air intensifies, followed by a distant, frustrated quacking that abruptly cuts out.) "There. Let us return to the current century."
3. Linguistic/Auditory Hazard
Does the anomaly speak?
- [x] Yes
- [ ] No
- [ ] Maybe So
- [ ] Telepathically
If yes, does it argue about:
- [ ] Local taxation
- [ ] Dates that don't exist
- [ ] The French
- [ ] The French in Spanish
- [x] Other
- If Other: The presence of chickens? (Specifically: Flying Ducks)
III. Containment & Bureaucratic Compliance
Has the anomaly signed the Acknowledgement of Reality Substandard Form?
- [ ] Yes
- [x] No
- If No state justification: The Anomaly claims exemption under the Treaty of Alternative Mind-Driven Forms.
Current Status of the File:
- [ ] Filed chronologically
- [ ] Filed alphabetically
- [ ] Filed outside of time
- [ ] Filed but then stolen
- [x] Stolen before filing
IV. Signatures & Approvals
- Reporting Officer Signature: Rosearea Vaulete
- Stamping Officer Signature: `N/A (Not Alive)`