A Very Slasher Christmas
rating: +48+x

Foreword: Whilst investigating SCP-5733, Foundation researchers discovered another VHS tape purportedly from the same production company, Crystal Elms Productions. Although viewers of the tape frequently express increased animosity and ambivalence towards seasonal activities after watching, the tape does not appear to be anomalous. A summary of the tape's contents follows:

The film opens on a dark night sky. Snow slowly begins to fall, until the camera is almost totally obscured by white. A recording of Carol of the Bells begins to play.

The camera tilts, revealing a wide shot of a residential cul-de-sac from above. It flies overhead, circling the suburban road, before centring and moving towards a house. The camera presses against a ground floor window, covered in frost. It pauses there for a moment before moving through the window, into the house's interior.

"Heather, sweetie?" a voice calls out from somewhere in the house. Mrs. Campbell walks into frame, brushing dough-covered hands against her Christmas-themed apron. The woman walks through the house, with the camera following her, into the living room.

Heather Campbell sits in an armchair by the Christmas tree, staring wistfully out the window. She does not respond as her mother approaches and lays a caring hand on her shoulder. "Oh Heather, I know you're upset about what happened earlier this year. I've never had five of my best friends murdered in a bloody killing spree, but I can guess how you're feeling. It's just … well, it's Christmas, darling. Please at least try to enjoy yourself". Heather turns to her mother and smiles meekly.

An alarm can be heard in the background and Mrs. Campbell excuses herself to check on the gingerbread in the oven. The camera lingers on Heather's emotionless face for 3 minutes, as it is alternately illuminated in red and yellow by the Christmas tree lights.

The doorbell rings, and Heather's eyes dart towards it. The scene changes, and Heather's father is seen walking to, then opening, the door. "Why hi there, seasons' greeting to ya," Mr. Campbell greets the family's visitor, the camera is positioned parallel to the open door, obscuring sight of the evening caller. "Heather sweetie, I think it's for you!" her father calls out. Heather does not verbally respond, but walks into the shot as her father leaves it.

The scene changes again, with the camera now positioned on the porch, looking inside the house. Heather approaches the door and faces the guest. She lets out a bloodcurdling scream, and falls backwards. The camera pans, revealing a large figure wearing black, loose-fitting overalls and a black burlap sack over their face. The Suburb Slasher.

"Mom! Dad! Help me!" Heather screams, as the Slasher lurches forward, their arms held out. Heather lies on the floor, shielding herself behind a raised arm. After several seconds, she puts her arm down and opens her eyes, "Is…is that for me?"

Contained in the Slasher's outstretched hands is a Christmas present, wrapped in what appears to be a human large intestine fashioned into a bow. The Slasher nods in response to Heather's question.

Heather cautiously reaches out, takes the present, and unwraps it. She does not respond to the gift wrapping. "I…I thought I lost this," Heather opens the present, and pulls out a silver bracelet. She stares cautiously at the Slasher, "Thank you … this, this is too much! But why? I didn't get you anything!"

The Slasher presses their right index finger against the hallway wall and moves it downwards. A red, viscous liquid is left on the wall. The Slasher continues this for several minutes, before the camera reveals "TIS THE SEASON" spelt out.

"I heard you call us, honey, everything okay?" Mrs. Campbell says, as both parents approach the front door, "Why hello there! Heather, are you going to introduce us to you friend?"

"I guess," Heather replies, "Um, Mom, Dad - this is the Suburb Slasher."

"The Slasher! Oh we've heard so much about you from Heather, the TV, and the police reports!" replies Mrs. Campbell.

"Hello Mr. Slasher," Mr. Campbell stretches out their arm in the offer of a handshake, "Err … Miss Slasher? Mx. Slasher? Now I'd usually be turning you the heck out of here, given what happened between you two - but, you look like you've made up and, well, it is Christmas."

The Slasher ignores the offer of a handshake.

"It is lovely to meet you!" Mrs. Campbell says before turning to her daughter, "Will they be joining us for dinner?"

"Oh I don't-" Heather begins to respond before being interrupted by her father.

"That would be just swell! I could use a hand putting the outdoor decorations up, if you wouldn't mind helping?"

The Slasher shrugs.

"Well then, I'll go get the things from the attic," says Mr. Campbell,

"And I'll go get cooking, dinner shouldn't be more than a few hours," his wife adds.

Heather's parents walk off, leaving her and the Slasher alone. She stands up, and steps forward.

Merry Christmas Everyone, recorded by Shakin' Stephens, begins to play quietly in the background.

"Well," Heather says, "would you like to come in?"

The Slasher steps into the house. The volume of the music increases, until it is all that can be heard. A montage of scenes follows:

Mr. Campbell is outside the house on the front lawn, inflating a blow-up Santa Claus. The Slasher approaches him from behind, holding Christmas lights in both hands. They tighten the length of wire held between their hands, and raise it above their head. The scene changes, and the Slasher ties the lights to a window frame. Once complete, the Slasher and Mr. Campbell high five.

The camera lingers ominously on a pan of boiling water. The Slasher's gloved hands come into frame and grab the pan's handle. They carry the pan across the room, to where Mrs. Campbell is peeling potatoes. The Slasher raises the pan and dumps its contents… into a colander, draining the cooked peas.

Heather is in the living room, arranging holly above a fireplace. The Slasher approaches her from behind, holding a glass figurine of a snowman. They brandish the figurine, holding the long, sharp carrot nose outwards - Heather turns and screams, but the Slasher carefully arranges the figurine on the fireplace mantel. Upon seeing this, Heather bursts into laughter.

Mr. Campbell arranges a wreath on the residence's front door. Above him, the Slasher is situated on the roof, armed with a pickaxe. They walk to the edge of the roof, and swing the tool at three large, sharp icicles hanging from the gutter. The camera follows the icicles as fall, in slow motion, and hit their target - shattering on the path below. Mr. Campbell, having moved from his original position to offscreen, walks into frame, sweeping the icy remnants aside with a broom.

The music fades away, as a new scene opens in the Campbells' dining room.

"Dinner's nearly ready!" Mrs. Campbell calls from the kitchen.

"Huh", Heather says, looking at the dining table, "Mom, why are there nine places set?"

"I don't know honey, your friend set the table."

The doorbell rings, and Heather walks to the door, finding the Slasher already there.

"What's going on here?"

The Slasher opens the door, and four shambling, decomposing corpses walk through.

"Oh my gosh! You guys!"

Heather runs to the corpses and embraces each of them individually.

"Mom, Dad, my friends are back!"

Heather begins to walk into the house with her friends, but is distracted by a loud thudding noise - originating from the Slasher hitting the wall multiple times.

"What's up?" Heather wanders back towards the open front door, before gasping.

"Hey there Heather, it's been a while."

"Johnny!" Heather shouts, running to the door to greet one more decomposing corpse, bisected at the waist with his legs missing.

"It's a Christmas miracle!" Heather gushes, before picking up the torso of her former boyfriend. They kiss. As Heather pulls away, portions of Johnny's lips stay attached to hers. Neither participant of the kiss reacts to this.

The scene changes. All individuals, bar the Slasher, are sat round the table, which is now adorned with the products of Mrs. Campbell's labours in the kitchen. "Say Heather," Mr. Campbell speaks up, "I have to say, I was suspicious of your friend when he arrived here, but he's really won me over. Where's he got to anyway?"

"Good point Dad, I dunno," Heather turns round in her seat, looking for the Suburb Slasher.

The camera angle shifts, and the Slasher is situated behind Heather.

The Slasher brandishes a kitchen knife. Heather screams. The Slasher brings the knife down with force, and begins to carve the turkey.

"Oh," Heather gasps with an overt tone of relief in her voice, "sorry everyone, force of habit!"

The entire table, bar the Slasher, bursts into laughter, before turning to face the camera and exclaiming, "Merry Christmas everyone!"

With large smiles on their faces, the dinner's participants begin to wave goodbye at the camera. The Slasher joins in, waving with the hand still holding the carving knife. The tape cuts to black.

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