A Culinary Broadcast

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We have a lot of blood on our hands.

The following transcript is from a program that was broadcasted on a television station in █████, Virginia.


The screen fades from black to reveal a tidy kitchen. The kitchen from the camera's view consists of a sink on the far left, a refrigerator near the center of the frame, and a counter on the lower-half of the screen. A middle-aged woman in a pink blouse enters from a hallway on the right side of the kitchen. This is Susan Waterson. She approaches the counter and leans on it, her hands grasping the underside of it. She speaks to the camera in a southern accent.

Susan Waterson: Why hiya viewers! My name is Susan Waterson, and welcome to the pilot of my very own cooking show! Lemme just say y'all are in for a treat tonight, cuz this pretty thang-

Susan points at herself.

Susan Waterson: -is gonna cook some classic American Thanksgivin' turkey! I hope y'all are still watchin', because this cookin' show is about to get interestin'! First, we gotta sort through the fridge to see what we got. Feel free to get a notebook, cuz we gotta lot on our hands!

Susan reaches into the fridge and pulls out various ingredients consisting of condiments and a headless deli-bought turkey. The names of the individual ingredients are labeled on screen as each ingredient is revealed.

Susan Waterson: Hope y'all were able to catch all that. Teehee!

Susan goes off screen to retrieve something.

Susan Waterson: Now, we gotta grab the most important ingredient of them all!

Susan returns holding a kitchen knife. She stares directly at the camera, smiling. Then, she begins to slowly insert the knife into the center of the turkey.

Susan Waterson: You know, there was a time in this country where a simple thing like this was a weapon of power. Then, the people here were introduced to something more powerful. More weighty.

The turkey begins to bleed bright-red blood.

Susan Waterson: Did you know about the Mvskoke Creek War of 1813? 186 of them Creeks were murdered by American soldiers. You know who Davy Crocket is? That so-called folk hero said, "We shot them like dogs!" Dogs.

The turkey begins to twitch and howl. Susan pushes her other hand on the turkey to keep it still. Then, she plunges the knife deeper into the turkey, causing a large amount of blood to spill out onto the counter.

Susan Waterson: I ask, do you feel safe where you are now? Do you feel safe on a once-spiritual land? Do you think those spirits are happy with what you've done to the people they once protected?

Susan slices the turkey completely in half. The turkey squeals, and then goes limp. The door at the end of the hallway on the right side opens. A silhouette of a large, long-haired man is seen in the doorframe.

Susan Waterson: I hope you were able to catch all that, fellow viewers. We have a lot of blood on our hands.

The silhouette of the man comes closer. He pulls out a rifle and aims it towards Susan. The screen goes black. A gunshot is heard. Following the shot, a text appears on screen reading, "Brought to you by Vikander-Kneed's Culinary Program."

After the program ends, television screens broadcasting the program become non-functional.


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