SCP-7416 A.L.D.I.

SCP-7416 A.L.D.I.

Anomalous Legislature Decompilation Initiative

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The SCP-7416 Anomalous Legislature Decompilation Initiative is an ongoing effort towards cataloguing any portions of the legal knowledge of SCP-7416 deemed relevant to the interests of the Foundation and its continued operation. This document is intended to be a primary log of recovered information, and is accessible by all personnel assigned to 7416-ALDI. Information presented here has been sanitized, translated and truncated from SCP-7416's original statements whenever possible for maximum comprehension by Foundation personnel.

All recordings are to be presented in the following format:

+ Show Document

7416-ALDI Document [DOCUMENT ID HERE]

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Given Title:
Claimed Origin:
Transcribed By:

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Overview

Include a brief overview of the legal body in question here.

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Notable Excerpts

[EXCERPT ID HERE]
Include notable snippets of legislature here.

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+ Show Document 7416-ALDI-003 'Spiff Code'

7416-ALDI Document 003

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Given Title: "Spiff Code"
Claimed Origin: SCP-7416 has claimed that the legislation is maintained by an alliance between several metadimensional entities, all children between the ages of 5 and 12, and United States film director Michael Bay.¹ No information confirming the latter two claims has been found.
Transcribed By: Researcher Hastings

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Overview

Spiff Code allegedly dictates the outcome of any events that could be considered "cool" or "action-packed" or "totally radical". It does so via a wide variety of systems requiring certain events to happen in conjunction with each other or the presence of certain factors in a relevant situation. The legislation uses several unique terms including "Saurii", a standard unit used to measure "gnarlyness".² The legislation appears largely nonsensical, consisting of treating action movie tropes as if they were fundamental laws of existence, and there is no evidence of any of these laws being enforced in any way.

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Notable Excerpts

Edict The Whateverth³
Beasts and peoples with a gnarlyness of at least 4.8 Saurii are not permitted to perish due to causes rating less than three-fifths of their own Saurii rating.

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Note: If a method of ensuring selective enforcement of Spiff Code can be achieved, this edict has potential for Foundation usage to ensure survival of personnel and anomalies.

Edict THE BIG ONE
If something doth be wicked sweet and/or totally awesome, it shall be made to happen.⁴

Edict Giant Robot
If any entity or construct defined as a "Giant Robot" by the 1967 Kyoto Agreement is present in a scenario, said entity or construct's Saurii rating may not be lower than 80% of the highest individual Saurii rating present.

Edict Number Punch
If there is a cool guy, he should punch the bad guy.

+ Show Document 7416-ALDI-009 'The Cantos of the Calcified Custodians'

7416-ALDI Document 009

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Given Title: "The Cantos of the Calcified Custodians"
Claimed Origin: A race of unknown alien entities that have existed on earth for approximately 400 million years.
Transcribed By: Researcher Schmidt

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Overview

SCP-7416 claims that the legislation is an ancient code of conduct and chivalry followed by a sect of alien warriors "Sworn to protect all lifeforms of honor from within that cannot protect themselves". These entities are claimed to be widely-propagated throughout earth, humanity and even the Foundation. SCP-7416 has claimed it is unlawful for it to divulge the nature of the concealment these entities have undergone. It has compromised by explaining that they are "amongst mankind's closest allies" and have been "hiding within since time immemorial".

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Notable Excerpts

27th Oath
If a Custodian should fail to protect the life of their ward, they must lie amongst their remains to watch over them. This vigil shall only end when the Custodian's form is naught but dust, at which point they shall reincarnate to watch over a new ward from the moment of their birth.

30th Oath
A Custodian shall never move against the wishes of their ward, indeed without their ward they shall simply lie without motion. In doing so they shall demonstrate the truth of their pledge. When their ward does wish for them to move, the messages relaying their desire shall be conveyed by the tugging of the red filaments.

44th Oath
A Custodian must conceal their form from all wards, unless doing so would violate another oath. The sole exception is when both the ward and Custodian are bathed in the 'rays that pierce all things without touching them', and then the Custodian may silently reveal their visage.

Note: Is he talking about fucking skeletons?

Footnotes

1. Referred to as "Great Sage Bay".

2. How well any given element or subject aligns with the stated values of coolness.

3. Spiff Code does not use any methods of organization or numeration, with each individual law instead being assigned a semi-random title.

4. This edict has been noted to heavily resemble the popular "Rule of Cool" media trope.